All the Things That I've Done
by Banbha
Summary: Some things happen for a reason, especially when it involves finding that right someone. However, love is never easy or smooth, especially with two Alliance officers fighting the evils of the galaxy.
1. Chapter 1 OCS

Chapter 1: OCS

* * *

"Her scores are impressive." The admiral flipped through the pages in a file sitting on the table. "Quick learner too, considering she has excelled with the L3 implants."

"Indeed. She has a remarkably strong will and iron discipline." The Academy Commandant commented.

"Though, nineteen is a bit young to be admitted into the Special Forces training." The admiral tapped a finger on the table while continuing to go through the personnel file of a cadet at the Arcturus Alliance Academy.

"She is an exception. We have so few military raised children where both parents are decorated naval officers from the war. Learning to adapt to new situations has been with her since birth."

"It's a tough life, though, being a military brat."

"If you met her, you would meet a tough young woman. I have never heard her complain once about drills or assignments."

"That is what worries me. She is so disciplined and focused that she puts her classmates at a distance. There are only two people that become somewhat close with her but they are behind in their class. But …" the admiral paused. "she doesn't leave them behind for long. Actually has defied a couple of orders in order to help them finish a drill."

"A natural leader. It is to be expected considering her mother, Captain Hannah Shepard has seen hell during one of the first skirmishes in the First Contact War."

The Admiral closed the folder and stood up from the table, turning to look out an observation window onto the gym the biotics practiced. Flashes and blurs, plus many tripped up cadets were down there. One tall lithe form, with her brunette hair pulled back into a ponytail yelled encouragement to her squad. Admiral Steven Hackett nodded slowly and agreed with the Academy Commandant about this cadet. A natural leader indeed, for Mira Shepard gave enough encouragement mixed with discipline that the cadets in her squad fell in line. It told of her military upbringing. The scores in her file were exemplary and she was adjusting quickly to the new L3 implants. She had the making of a fine officer and adept. Hackett decided immediately that Cadet Mira Shepard was a potential Special Forces officer.

"Bring her in." Hackett told the Commandant.

"Aye, sir." The Captain saluted before he left the room to fetch Shepard.

He watched as the Commandant motioned Shepard off the mat. A faint blue aura still surrounded her as she approached him. He handed her a towel and a protein bar, escorting her up to the interview room where Hackett waited. Hackett understood the need to give the young woman the protein bar for when biotics used their powers for any length of time, it used up their bodies energy and the specially formulated bars helped replenish that lost energy reserve. So far, the first class of L3 cadets was proving quite successful. As was customary, a senior Admiral of the Alliance would go to the Academy and assess those cadets with the top scores for possible recruitment into the Special Forces branch of the Alliance Navy. Most never met the extensive requirements to become an N-rated officer and those that were selected, half never finished the training. Hackett hoped that Shepard would be an exception and be that special operative, like Lieutenant Commander David Anderson.

The door opened to let Shepard in alone, leaving the Commandant waiting outside in the hall. Upon entering, she snapped a sharp salute to Admiral Hackett. He had to hide a smile as the salute was military perfect, even while in gym wear and sheen of sweat covering her body, plastering the hair to her face.

"At ease, Ensign." Hackett noted the precision of movement as her body settled into the standard shoulder-width stance of parade rest, hands clasped behind her back. She waited for him to speak first. "I have gone over your record. You have quite an impressive record for your first few months at the Academy. In the top five percent of tactical logistics, head of the curve with biotic training, and promoted to squad leader within the first six weeks. Quite ambitious, Ensign."

"Just filling a position where there was one lacking, sir." Mira replied.

"Indeed." Hackett sat back against the table in front of her. "You have a natural capacity for leadership, as your instructors noted. Also, you have a quick mind for assessing a situation and coming up with a plan to get your squad out with minimal losses. Only one other cadet has had scores like yours and continued on to become one of the Alliance's top Special Forces operative."

"Who would that be, sir?" Mira asked, curious now.

"Lieutenant Commander David Anderson." Hackett stood up from the table and paced over to the observation window. "It must be hard to grow up with parents who were both military officers. Moving from post to post every few years, leaving friends and familiar surroundings."

There was a small intake of breath, which Hackett barely picked up but Shepard's stance never shifted. "I've learned to adapt, sir."

"Good. However, relationships are healthy to have in one's life, as it helps us become the people we are and keeps us grounded. There has been mentioned that you don't have many close friendships."

Her eyes tightened just a fraction and jaw clenched a tiny bit. "I choose my friends carefully, people I know I can count on in a pinch."

"Do you consider yourself a good judge of character then?" Hackett asked as his eyebrow rose.

"I'd say I'm a fair judge of character. My mother is better than I am at assessing people."

Hackett smiled. Yes, that was it. He was waiting for that response. Shepard exuded confidence in her talents and skills but wasn't arrogant about it. A testament to both Captain and Major Shepard's raising of her, giving her the stolid sense of duty and humility. "An honest answer and a good one. Has anyone failed you if you had misjudged them?" Hackett pressed.

"No, sir." Mira paused, "At least, not yet."

A quite laugh erupted from Hackett. He liked her and knew that there was going to be a long acquaintance with the young woman in the coming years. "Starting today, Ensign Shepard, your life is going to get a little bit harder. On top of your regular academy classes and squad duties, you will be undergoing some extra courses through the Special Forces branch."

Mira's eyes widened in surprise, "Special Forces, Admiral?"

"Yes, Ensign. It won't be an easy training period to endure, as you will be pushed beyond limits you never knew existed. Your mental and physical abilities will be put on trial. Not everything will have a right or wrong answer or solution, just solutions that is best to get things done." He paused and watched Shepard. "Do you think you are up to it, Shepard?"

She stood there and thought for a moment, excited but felt some trepidation. The bland looking Admiral stood there and watched her. Cadets who were offered Special Forces training were few and far between. Those who survived the training were the Alliance military's best officers. Those who washed out left the Alliance, never to be heard from again, broken in spirit. Unlike some of her fellow cadets in the same year, Mira was raised on military doctrine and history, knew the life having lived through her parents constant shifting about of assignments. The questions from Admiral Hackett regarding relationships startled her but she never let it known that it had. It was an odd question to ask and Mira wasn't sure why he would ask something personal like that. However, an opportunity to become a Special Forces officer? Mira was thrilled!

"I'm up for it, sir."

"Good, I hope my instincts about you don't fail me. I will be getting regular reports."

"Will I be the only recruit?" Mira asked.

"There are four others that will be joining you. Unfortunately, you will be the only female in the group and have to share accommodations with the gentlemen. I hope that won't bother you?"

"Not at all, sir. The military has long since become co-gendered regarding barracks. Remember that I have spent my life among soldiers."

There was a knock at the door, which Hackett responded for the person to come in. A young man stood straight at attention, saluting the Admiral. Mira couldn't help notice the young officer as he was well proportioned, smooth olive skin and dark hair that denoted some Mediterranean blood in his background. What caught her attention was the serious and guarded expression in his brown eyes.

"We are done, Ensign. You may go back to practice." Hackett dismissed her. With a salute, Mira turned on her heel and exited the room. She gave a nod to the young officer as he came in and headed back to the gym.

-/*\-

Kaidan's eyes followed the lithe figure of the young ensign as she headed out the door he entered. Normally, he wouldn't have bothered to take a second glance but the slim curves and fine sculpted muscles along her arms and legs exuded a grace and hidden power that he found….attractive. At twenty-two, he was approaching his graduation from the Alliance Academy. With the prior training by BAaT for his biotics, Kaidan rated as the highest stable L2 serving in the Alliance. Of course, there were concerns about whether instability would set in but aside from the occasional migraines, Kaidan turned out to be the exception to the old implants bloody history.

"You wanted to see me, Admiral?" he asked as he settled to parade rest.

"Yes, Lieutenant, I did. It seems to be the day to meet some future exceptional officers."

"Was that ensign one?" Kaidan asked, keeping his face neutral but his curiosity was piqued.

Hackett looked at Kaidan with an unreadable expression. He heard the stories from other cadets and some instructors that Kaidan was a serious-minded, duty-bound, and rigid young man. He rarely socialized with his fellow cadets and even less with young women. Some suspected that he may be gay but after the subtle glance at the retreating figure of Shepard, Hackett dismissed that as the rumor it was. "She was, Lieutenant. She has a promising career ahead of her."

The young man gave a subtle nod, still keeping the stiff expression on his face. Hackett read Alenko's file and knew the disaster of Conatix's BAaT program. In some ways, Kaidan restrained his biotic talents because of fear of killing someone again. Personally, Hackett always thought Vyrnnus was a bastard. It however, kept the young man's emotions tightly under control to the point he was stiff and rigid, and closed off from those that tried to become his friend.

"I know you have expressed some interest in the Special Forces program, Lieutenant Alenko but from observation and talking with your advisors, I don't think you are ready. Now," he held up his hand to forestall any objection the man would say, "this doesn't mean you can't apply again later. Your scores are excellent but it takes more than scores to go through the training and I'm afraid it is too soon for you to undergo the psychological trials that you would have to endure."

"Admiral, sir, permission to speak freely." Kaidan said stiffly, trying to hide his disappointment, "What more do I have to go through to be prepared? I have experienced things no other man or woman has had to endure in a short lifetime."

Hackett sighed regretfully; that hard resolution was what he looked for in candidates but sadly, Kaidan need to come fully to terms with being able to use his biotics in life or death, whether to defend himself or to protect others. The man was restrained and conservative, and a bit frightened of the strength of his biotic ability. "That you have, I won't argue with that. However, if it came to where you and your squad were under heavy fire and you had to kill someone to get them to safety, would you be able to?"

Kaidan's mouth opened and then snapped shut in a frown. Hackett has pierced through the heart of his dilemma. Kaidan vowed never to use lethal force with his biotics to kill people again, even if it was a combat situation. Hackett shook his head, knowing the truth of the matter.

"I thought as much."

"I'm sorry, sir." Kaidan showed the regret in his voice.

"No, I'm sorry, Lieutenant. You have such potential but you hinder yourself. You are dismissed, Lieutenant."

Kaidan left the room quietly, standing for a moment out in the hall, disappointed in himself. His feet started walking down the hall and without realizing it and stopped at the gym's doors. Classes were over for the day and thus those cadets that had time, worked on their biotics or martial arts in the gym. Entering the gym, Kaidan headed for the locker room, absently going to his assigned locker and changed out of his uniform and into a tank and shorts. Mentally, he kicked himself for thinking he had a chance to get into Special Forces. Admiral Hackett said it took more than high scores and leading your class to become a Special Forces officer. Then he wondered if that young ensign that was talking with the Admiral before him was offered the opportunity.

Taking some tape out, Kaidan wrapped his hands. He didn't feel like practicing with his biotics. The ensuing headache after a training session wasn't welcome right now. Punching something physically would help release his pent up frustration and aggression. Flexing his fingers, Kaidan was satisfied that the tape wrap provided the needed flexibility but provided support to his hands so they wouldn't bruise or break.

As he reached the sparring mats and bags, Kaidan only noticed two other cadets were in the gym. He didn't pay any attention to who they were as he claimed a punching bag. The first few jabs were soft as Kaidan's body fluidly settled into a routine that was ingrained in his muscles. Once the warm up was done, Kaidan repeated the set, going faster and harder. Thrust, jab, a solid punch, leg kick, and more punches. The bag felt each punch as his deep anger and self-recrimination rose and released through more punches, each hit resounding in the gym. Kaidan was so lost in the routine that he never noticed that someone was trying to grab his attention, until a hand grabbed his shoulder. His body spun instinctively, arm flying out to the person who interrupted him, only be solidly blocked.

The most remarkable blue eyes Kaidan ever seen caught his attention. Blue like the summer's sky just darkening to night, or the coming of a storm. Blue eyes that looked into him, hard and yet concerned, fearless and commanding.

"Lieutenant!" the voice finally reached his ears. "I think you abused the bag enough for the day." Those eyes then sparked with humor, which instantly drained Kaidan's stiff anger out of him. He lowered his arm and side glanced at the punching bag, noticing that it was laying flat on the floor of the gym, the chain that held it snapped clean. The shimmer of dark energy sparking around his hands caught his attention next.

"Oh, shit." He said hoarsely.

"That is an understatement." The young ensign from earlier said, her voice rich and husky. "Help me take it to the storage room, so maintenance can fix it later."

Sweat dripped into Kiadan's eyes, making them blink. He tried to wipe at his forehead with the back of his hand but it accomplished nothing. A towel found his face a moment later, catching it instinctively in his hands. "Thanks." He said to the ensign. He dried off his face and hands, so he could grip one end of the punching bag. The young woman grabbed the other and they hobbled to the storage room used for spare mats and gym accessories. After dropping the bag onto a table, the pretty ensign smiled at Kaidan.

"Are you feeling alright?" she asked.

"Huh? Oh….that…um, yeah. Just had to work out some….issues." he replied lamely, finding it hard to speak coherently to this girl. She stood just a couple inches shorter than he did; along with those blue eyes was a smile that lit her face. The ensign had an intensity to her that drew Kaidan in like a moth to a flame. Shaking his head, Kaidan forced his emotions back under control.

"I'd say." She answered, looking at the broken chain on the bag. "I'm glad you had enough control to pull that punch before it connected on me."

"I…you blocked…" Kaidan's tongue wouldn't work properly when talking with this young woman.

Then she laughed, a rich throaty sound that made Kaidan's spine shiver. "I'm teasing, Lieutenant!"

"Mir! Come on, I'm starving!" another cadet shouted to her from the entrance of the locker room. With a parting smile to Kaidan, the ensign jogged to the locker room. Kaidan watched after her, admiring her form and the way the pulled up hair swayed. When the pain in his chest alerted he needed to breathe, Kaidan inhaled a deep breath to clear his head.

"Wow," he whispered as he shook his head. He flung the towel across his shoulder and headed for the showers.

-/*\-

Six months into the Special Forces training, Mira felt utterly exhausted and strained. Her biotic training was ramped up and now she found herself with the senior class in a lot of the training. There wasn't any problem matching them but it put her out of her element at times to be among those that had been doing this longer the she had. The text work she found intriguing and studied hard. Still, her two friends that she had made since arriving in the academy took the time to grab her for a break from studies. Mira was kept too busy with studies and tests, that thoughts about that intriguing young lieutenant couldn't fill her head and distract her.

She never saw him around the academy and concluded he most likely graduated and went on to his first assignment. Flashes of his sweat dampened hair and drenched shirt clung to her memory. Taking a deep slow breath, Mira centered herself again, pushing all thoughts out of her mind. Her breathing slowed and deepened, filling her lungs and exhaling in controlled breaths. One by one, Mira controlled the flow of dark energy through the nodes of her implants, stilling any muscle twitches that would inadvertently release the gathering energy. The light breeze that ran through the atrium brushed at her face, swaying the long fringes that fell from her tied back long hair.

Her senses heightened in her meditation, as Mira could pick out individual birds, the small burble of the little stream that meandered through the atrium. It was peaceful and was the one time that she felt she could relax. This was a rare time for her, when there were no classes or biotic training, or drills. That afternoon Mira received a communication from her mother, relaying how proud she was about Mira's training. It was only the dozenth time her mother had mentioned it but Mira didn't mind. The Major, her father, told her he was proud in his usual stoic way. He was a marine through and through and didn't waste needless repetition of words.

Admiral Hackett was true to his word as he frequently checked on her progress, taking a vested interested in her after two others that were recruited, washed out. The other recruit, a regular soldier, proved to be a quick thinker and a savant. He could pick up any weapon, no matter make, model, or corporation and use it. However, his preference ran to pistols. His tinkering of the assigned standard issue pistols caused their instructor headaches, as modifications were constantly being made. Garrett had a sly humor and was far too quiet on his feet for a man of over six feet and five inches. Mira and Garrett took to each other easily. Both of them were military brats and dedicated to the Alliance. While Mira tended to be more serious and took command, Garrett complemented her by his laid back air and melding into the background. He was becoming a good friend in Mira's books. She could trust him to have her back. However, he was going to be graduating soon and that saddened Mira.

Pushing the negative thoughts immediately from her head, Mira deepened her meditation, deepening the flow of energy through the implants. If anyone was in the clearing with her, they would see a faint dark blue aura around her. Slowly, Mira dissipated the static buildup of her implants. One thing with a biotic, the static electricity built up over time and could give another quite a shock if they touched her. Therefore, the Alliance came up with a meditation exercise partly borrowed from the Hindus, in order to channel and dissipate the energy build up. Flexing her fingers, Mira sighed in relief.

The air changed around her, and she felt a shadow over her. The whisper of someone sitting across from her didn't alarm her. The snort coming from a male made her mouth twitch on the edge of a smile. "I could be an enemy sneaking up with a knife to kill you." Garrett rumbled in his baritone voice.

"I knew it was you and didn't have to worry about my safety."

He snorted again, "How could you possibly discern it was me in the clearing with you all 'deep' and stuff."

"I know your footstep and that cheap soap you use."

"Ha!" he barked a short laugh, startling a few birds from the trees. "Damn, girl, you are good."

"I have to be." Mira did smile now. It wasn't arrogance to say she had to be good, but fact. Special Forces soldiers were an elite force within the Alliance. They are the soldiers that got the job done when it needed to be done anyway possible.

"Aye, you do." Garrett said seriously, shifting his weight, resting his arms on his knees. Mira opened her eyes, releasing the meditative state and putting up her personal barriers. She looked into the burly man's eyes, marveling how a bear of a man could look so …innocent. It worked to his advantage however, as he was a deadly shot and equally formidable fighter. Garrett was one of the few Scandinavian stock left in the Alliance. His hair was so blonde to be nearly white, skin fair and eyes the iciest blue Mira has ever seen. Garret was handsome and exotic with his rare coloring, and every girl in the academy made eyes after him because of it. He, however, ignored them all.

"What brings you here to disturb my meditation, Garrett?" she cocked her head to the side.

"Night before graduation, my dear, and there is this little party going on down in the clubs. Well," his smile turned a little shy. "I need a date."

"Are you asking me out on date, Garrett Oskarsson?"

"I…um," he blushed a bright hue. He never could get over Mira's directness and was flustered. "Well, I don't….I mean, hell, Shepard, you are a fine woman and I like you…I don't want to take some chit to this party."

Mira laughed softly at the big man's flustered speech. "Garrett, relax, I will go with you. I know how you hate dealing with the flippant giggling girls, batting their eyelashes at you in shameless lust."

"Oh, thank god!" he blew out a huge breath, leaning forward to take her hands in his paws. His fingers caressed gently across her knuckles. He perhaps held them too long and looked into Mira's eyes too boldly. In one fluid motion, Mira found Garrett's lips pressed on hers. What surprised Mira was her own response, opening her mouth to Garrett's probing tongue. His hand reached up to cradle her head, the kiss deepening and making both of them flush hotly.

"Mmm, no, no…no." Mira abruptly broke off the kiss, her breath panting and cheeks flushed from rising passion.

Garrett pulled back, his own face and ears flushed, "I'm sorry, Mir. I shouldn't have done that." He swallowed hard, trying to get himself back under control.

"Hey, I'm partly responsible here too." Mira smiled softly, resting her hand on his cheek.

"I hope you know that I have always liked you, Shepard."

"Garrett, shut up." Mira said, standing up in one smooth motion and holding a hand out to him. He took it and didn't argue as they walked out of the public atrium. After leaving the atrium, he tugged her hand and led her to his room. Being a senior at the academy granted him a private room. Palming the door open, Garrett pulled Mira in. Nothing was said as he pushed her against the wall by the door, leaned down, and took her full lips in his own. Their clothes quickly found the floor and bare skin slid across bare skin. Garrett still had Mira pinned against the wall, his mouth exploring hers and down her neck. Placing his hands under her buttocks, he easily lifted the young woman up to his waist.

Mira's legs wrapped around his hips and arms twined behind his neck. The giant of a man was amazingly seductive and gentle as his mouth ran a hot trail of kisses across her collarbone and to the top of her breasts. Garrett pressed against her hips, sliding easily into her. Mira's body shuddered at the penetration, bringing a soft moan from her lips. His large hands supported her hips as he moved in her in a slow and deep rhythm. Garrett searched for Mira's mouth, engulfing it in hunger. Not letting go of her mouth or leaving her body, Garrett moved them to the bed, laying his full length over Mira. As the passion rose to a higher notch, Garrett moved quicker in Mira, his chest rumbling from the sense of pleasure that filled both of them. He held Mira as her body tightened with climax and shuddered as he continued to move in her, following shortly after her, breathless and spent.

With bodies tingling and spent, Garrett and Mira lay wrapped up in each other, the sweat cooling their skin. Garrett ran his hand lightly over Mira's body, enjoying both her softness and the hard muscle underneath. His fair skin was a contrast to her light tanned one but he was fascinated by Mira's femininity. How could such strength and strong will be contained within those curves?

Garrett looked into her eyes and smiled, his finger gently tracing Mira's swollen full lips. "I'm going to miss you, Shepard."

"Going somewhere, Oskarsson?" she said low and sultry.

"We get our first assignment upon graduating. I probably won't see you before shipping out."

"Is this how you bed all women?" Mira teased.

"I…what?" and realizing she was teasing, growled low in his throat and laid a hard kiss on her mouth. "You are a brat. Here I am trying to be serious for once and you start cracking jokes!"

Mira raised her head up on a propped hand, looking down at the giant blond man. "It's how I cope with things that I don't want to happen, Garrett. I know you will be shipping out soon. I'm…" she paused, "glad we had this." Her fingers caressed the strong sharp line of his jaw. "I trust you, Garrett, and over these past few months, come to admire you. I can never be so laid back and easy going as you, it's not who I am but I know you would take care of me if I was in trouble."

"You have no idea, Mir." Garrett rumbled as he grabbed her caressing fingers and kissed the tips. "You are laid back, my dear, when you let people in. I see great things for you, Mir."

The soft smile that spread across her face made Mira extremely beautiful. Too bad that with their career choice, Garrett couldn't be with her. This was a woman he could see himself happily partnered with.

"When is this party?" Mira asked.

"Starts at 1900 hours."

"Two hours until then." Mira sighed and started to get up from the bed. Garrett grabbed her wrist and pulled her back down to him, rolling halfway onto her, pinning Mira to the sheets.

"After I'm done with you, an hour until the party starts. It will be plenty of time for a shower and dolling up for me." Garrett smiled his crooked mischievous smile.

-/*\-

He took a drink of his beer, listening to the tall tales and boasts of his graduating class. Kaidan had made a couple of friends that had invited him to the party. It was hard to believe that he is done with the academy and off to his first assignment. There was some nervousness about leaving. The past couple of years, Arcturus had been a haven to him, a place to remake himself after the disaster at BAaT. It took a long time for Kaidan to come to terms with what he had done.

"Hey, Kai, what's up with the long face?" a boisterous young man with red hair approached him, thumping him on his shoulder. Brian just happened to walk into Kaidan's life and declared he was his friend from their first meeting. They were complete opposites and Kaidan rolled his eyes a lot over the things Brian said.

"Oh, nothing. Just thinking about what will happen after tomorrow."

"Freedom! That's what."

"You aren't even curious as to where you will go?"

"Hey, if I fretted over everything, then where is the fun in being surprised by life?" and that was Brian to a tee. Ever the optimist and carefree soul, compared to Kaidan's seriousness.

"I guess you're right."

"Of course I…" Brian's attention became riveted on the door, his jaw dropping. "Oh…my….the giant has brought a hot looking date!"

"What are you talking….about…" Kaidan's speech dropped off as he spotted the tall lithe figure of the ensign he met briefly months ago. Though, instead of gym clothes and sweaty, she was dressed in a slinky dress where the neckline draped down her chest in soft blue folds. The soft tumbling brown waves framed her face and fell across her shoulders.

"Yeah, you noticed her," Brian nudged Kaidan in the ribs, a knowing smirk on his face.

"Uh, yeah, how could you not? Where did Oskarsson find her?" Kaidan asked, curious.

"You didn't know? They are Special Forces trainees. She looks gorgeous but I guarantee that girl can snap off a toss without a second thought."

"She's a biotic?"

"Hell, yeah, an adept. Ahead of the class and is in the advanced senior's class. She has control, Kai. A lot of guys call her Ice Queen because she is damn nigh untouchable."

His interest was piqued now but Kaidan wasn't going to let Brian know that. Now he knew that the young ensign was Hackett's recruit before he got his application turned down. Swallowing another drink of his beer, Kaidan clapped Brian on the shoulder and made his way over to the big man and his date. Kaidan was acquainted with Oskarsson, having run a few drills with him and range training with pistols. The man knew his pistols and entailed his knowledge to Kaidan.

The giant spotted his approach and smiled widely. "Alenko!" taking the last remaining steps, he wrapped Kaidan's hand in his paws. "This is it, Lieutenant. Next stop to the stars!"

"Been a tough road to get out there." Kaidan gave his usual half-smile.

"It's been worth it. Just as long as you remember what I taught you about pistols, you will be a force to be reckoned with, Alenko. You are still the best tactician and computer cracker I've met."

Kaidan ducked his head and the man's open praise. "Thanks."

"I'm being rude. Lieutenant Alenko, this is…." Garrett looked down at the young woman at his side, "Ensign Mira Shepard. "

She held out a hand to Kaidan, smiling with a bit of a mirthful quirk. "Nice to meet you, Lieutenant. Destroy any punching bags lately?"

"Uh …not recently." Kaidan blushed with embarrassment for that afternoon he lost a little control in the gym. He accepted her hand, the initial jolt of static making his hand tingle. His gaze looked up into those blue eyes of hers that caught his notice the first time he saw her. The feel of her slim hand and long fingers closing around his was something Kaidan will never forget. It was like a lost glove returning to the hand it belonged. Mira took back her hand, the smile lowering a little to Kaidan's keen observation. The change was so subtle but he caught it before the woman slid a mask over the expression.

"Good." Mira responded.

"Won't you join us for a couple of drinks, Alenko?" Garrett invited.

"If the lady doesn't mind?" Kaidan asked, looking intently at her.

"No, of course not." Mira turned her gaze away from Kaidan's, becoming a little uncomfortable. Her arm slipped around Garrett's waist as they wound their way through the crowd of the party and to a table that was away from the dance floor.

They talked companionably about Alliance service, and what they expected from their career. Kaidan couldn't remember what number of beers he was on but his head was feeling the buzz of the alcohol. Garrett didn't seem to be affected as he downed his sixth pint. Mira, Kaidan noticed, still sipped at her second beer. Why did this woman attract him so much? He knew nothing about her, didn't know her name until tonight but there was something about her presence, the flash of her eyes and smile that struck a chord in him.

'_Forget it, Kaidan-boy. You are going to be shipping out in a couple of days and will never see her again, so don't get any ideas.'_

The alcohol and the flashing lights started to make him nauseous. Moaning, he knew what was coming. The star effect of the lighting was sending lancing pain through his eyes. Kaidan attempted to stand up and crashed back down in the booth. Mira looked at the Lieutenant with concern. Kaidan could hear her faintly tell Garrett that she was going take him somewhere. The big man nodded and helped her ease Kaidan out of the booth. An arm settled around his waist while Mira took one of his arms and placed it across her smooth and slim shoulders, half-dragging his shuffling footsteps through the club and out of it. The bright light of the corridor made Kaidan groan as it exploded in his head.

"Room, two floors up…C deck..." Kaidan slurred from alcohol and pain, shutting the offending light from his vision.

"Got it, Lieutenant."

It seemed like hours before they made it to Kaidan's quarters. Mira didn't complain as she helped the man through the door and struggled to lay him down on the bed. In the back of his pain-filled, drunk haze, Kaidan was embarrassed. He didn't want to leave this as a lasting impression in the woman's memories. _'If she remembers you in a few years.' _Kaidan chided himself. Next thing Kaidan knew, his feet were free of the confining military boots and socks.

"Upsy-daisy, Lieutenant," Mira's throaty voice sounded in his ear, sending shivers down his spine. She pulled him to an upright position, making his head throb like a kettledrum. Cloth slid up his torso and was gently pulled over his head. Mira's hands cradled Kaidan's head, easing him back down onto the pillows on his bed. "Do you need any meds?"

"Upper drawer, left side, black case." Kaidan hissed through clenched teeth.

A cool hiss entered Kaidan's body as the hypo with his migraine medicine flushed through his bloodstream. It helped take away most of the debilitating pain but left Kaidan with a dull ache in the middle of his head. The lines of pain eased around his eyes, Kaidan opened his eyes to see the worried look on Mira's face. "Thank you." He croaked.

"Are you going to be all right for your graduation tomorrow?"

"Should be better in morning. Meds help." He paused and reached for the ensign's hand, his thumb absently stroking the inside of her palm. "Going to be there?"

"Have training." she answered enigmatically and extricated her hand from Kaidan's. "I…I better go."

Kaidan mumbled something as the drugs finally put him to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Update June 19, 2011. Fixed some of the grammar and sentence structure that was in here. I am going through all the chapters and doing this. There are a couple of other story line changes too.

Chapter 2: Graduation Day

Graduation time Mira thought, as butterflies fluttered in her stomach. She was ready but nervous to finally be assigned to a unit and go on her first N7 assignment. With the accelerated training, Mira finished ahead of her class. The thought of not being able to graduate with her friends and the rest of the people that signed up in the Alliance with her was a bit sad but that was the story of her life. The military always called upon its soldiers and sent them where they were needed, no matter any children's school schedule. Mira had to be able to become a quick study in order to catch up with the current school's lessons.

Here she was now, twenty years old, and leaving Arcturus after two years. Mira smoothed the dress tunic, the navy blue flawless and the new braid of a 2nd class lieutenant stitched on the shoulders and cuffs. Her hair was bushed to a shine and twisted at the nape of her neck. As she stood and looked in the full-length mirror, Mira thought she looked like one of those recruitment posters soldiers. She hadn't seen any combat yet and already her features were controlled and hardened. The baby fat from her teen years was gone and the sharper lines of womanhood stood pronounced on her face.

After Garrett left, Mira threw herself into the drills and training, pushing herself as far as she could go without burning out. The added control and power over her biotics astonished her instructors. Sometimes, Mira thought it was a mistake to sleep with Garrett. She let a man get close; who she knew would leave and not be seen again. They were a good team through the Special Forces drills and late at night when she couldn't sleep, Mira could feel his ghostly kisses on her skin. No word was heard from him after he left Arcturus or when he went to his first assignment. Not that she expected to get an email from Oskarsson but…it would have been nice. Tightening her jaw and swallowing down a sudden urge to let out a cry, Mira straightened her shoulders. This was a soldier's life. Friendships come and go, as do lovers. _'It never gets easier, just lonelier.'_ Mira cried silently.

Looking at the clock, Mira noted it was time. Taking a steadying breath, Mira buried the emotions and put on the soldiers face. The young officer headed out of her room and walked down the corridor to the Commandant's office. The heels clicked on the floor, echoing down the hall. Curious people stepped out of their rooms, snapped to attention, and saluted the new Lieutenant Shepard as she passed by. As she reached the Commandant's officer, the enlisted man saluted her and went in to announce her.

"Come in, Lieutenant Shepard." Admiral Hackett invited her in. She snapped a precise salute to the Admiral, surprised to see him. The Academy Commandant stood next to the Admiral. "I'm sorry that you can't go through a normal graduation but we can't hold off in getting you out in the field."

"Sir?" Mira looked at Hackett questionably.

"I need you for an assignment with another one of my operatives. Commander Anderson will be with you for your first assignment."

The Commandant then spoke. "Lieutenant Shepard, you have excelled all the classes and drills, even broke some records, though they have only been established for such a short time. The Academy has nothing left for you. You are ready to join the rank and file, Lieutenant."

Mira nodded, settling with the idea quickly. "When do I ship out?"

"1600 hours." Hackett replied. "You will be briefed when you check in on the Hastings." Hackett moved to stand in front of Mira, looking right into her eyes, assessing the young woman. Since she was first recruited, Shepard had hardened and matured into a dedicated soldier. Her expression was impassive and there were no unsuspecting twitches. The biotic implants were under strict control. The woman exuded power, and Hackett surmised that other soldiers were going to follow her orders with no question. Leadership and command came from confidence and the control you held, while demanding more from your squad than they thought they had in them. This first assignment was going to test Shepard's command decisions. Hackett wanted to see how she worked under covert ops first, before assigning her to a squad. He was a bit surprised that she chose to go the Marine route of the military, following her father's example. "You are dismissed, Lieutenant, and congratulations. You will have some time to say any goodbye's to friends."

Mira saluted Hackett and turned to leave but before going out the door, she stopped and turned to the admiral. "Sir, what has happened to Lieutenant Oskarrsson?"

Hackett looked a little surprised that Shepard had asked after a former academy squadmate. "Lieutanant Oskarsson is on a special assignment. I can't disclose any details, I'm sorry. Why do you ask?"

Mira opened her mouth to say something but nothing would come out. "Nothing, sir."

-/*\-

"Come on, Alenko! Time to move out!" the gunnery sergeant yelled at the lieutenant.

"Almost done!" Kaidan worked furiously on his omnitool, finishing the download from the systems he hacked. The beeping indicated that it was finished and the computer system shut down, sparking from the deletion program that was part of the protection programmed on it. Snapping the omnitool shut, Kaidan stuffed it in the pocket at his back and dashed after the gunnery sergeant.

Something sped by his ear, shattering the masonry next to him. His escort and he fired as they ran to their extraction point. One group of the men firing at them flew backwards as Kaidan unleashed a biotic throw. This assignment was his second covert operations assignment but into one of the militia cells of the Terra Firma party. The SSV Cairo was a ship often used for the special assignments and covert ops. It didn't carry a large complement of marines but it was a fast ship and had a top notch crew. It was almost a year on this assignment and Kaidan had found a unique niche with the crew and marine detachment.

After the initial distrust because of his biotics and being an L2, Kaidan had proved to the detachment that he was a capable marine and officer. Plus, his tech in getting around the filters for certain 'questionable' sites on the extranet, earned him some brownie points among the men. Kaidan also proved to be an excellent tactical officer on the Cairo and the captain called on him to go over mission parameters and get his thoughts. Kaidan didn't quite know what to make of that as it made him a little uncomfortable to be in such a trusted role with a commanding officer. However, the captain wanted an honest opinion and Kaidan usually gave him that. His father taught him to always give the truth diplomatically but never sugarcoat it when someone asked for an honest assessment.

Lately, their missions have them gathering intelligence on the militia and other terrorist cells within the political party called Terra Firma. This pro-human political group was gaining ground in the Alliance political scene but some things were cropping up that defied explanation.

The Cairo came down at the extraction site, cargo ramp down, waiting for the sergeant and Kaidan to rush onboard. Once aboard, the ramp closed on the enemy rifle fire. Leaning over getting his breath back, Kaidan was glad to be back onboard. It was hard not to use lethal power with his biotics in a firefight but he somehow managed.

The deck officer reached for the team's weapons and barked at them to get the armor off and shower before reporting to the captain. Kaidan gave him a small smile, knowing the deck officer was a grizzled veteran that was more bark than bite. "Aye-aye, sir."

After the shower, Kaidan ran his hands through his hair, slicking it back. He looked at himself in the mirror, taking in what looked back. Some considered him handsome but he never thought that. He guessed he was good looking but the young man just didn't care to think too much about vanity. The migraines he got when he overexerted started to age him with little fine lines at the corners of his eyes. Here he was at twenty-three and already getting crow's feet. Picking up the razor, Kaidan took the old-fashioned blade and started to shave at the shadow on his face. His thoughts strayed back to the young woman he briefly met at the academy, Shepard or something. No, it was definitely, Shepard. Miranda….Muriel…damn, that first name he never could remember from all the noise at that party. Still, even after nearly two years, Kaidan couldn't shake those eyes and smile, or her laugh. Maybe he set himself up with other women, as he never had more than a one date or a quick tumble with the same woman. Kaidan shook his head. There were only two other women since the academy that he let himself get involved with. The one date was a disaster with a fellow squadmate and the other was with the Cairo's communication officer. That was just a quick release of sexual tension during a time when the Cairo's engines were down and had them hanging in orbit over an uninhabited planet waiting on an Alliance repair ship.

Kaidan felt guilty for using her and avoided the communication officer when possible. After that, he abstained from any shipboard encounters. The other men looked at Kaidan as if he was crazy but they would never understand that a woman he would never meet again haunted his dreams, both waking and asleep. Kaidan rinsed out the razor and set it back in his kit, and turned to leave the bathroom for the lockers, towel wrapped around his waist. Quickly dressing, Kaidan headed to CIC to debrief the captain on the data they acquired.

-/*\-

"Pleased to meet you, Lieutenant Shepard, I've heard a lot about your academy career. You beat some of my record scores!" the warm and friendly voice of David Anderson greeted Mira as she arrived on the Hastings.

Mira saluted the commander and smiled tentatively. "I wish I could say I was sorry, sir, but it was all fair."

Anderson laughed, "I'm not one to hold a grudge with something as minor as that, Shepard. It just proves that you are good, very good."

"So, I take it I'm to be under your 'tutelage' for this mission?" Mira asked.

"Well, I wouldn't say tutelage, just under observation. You don't need to be taught anything you don't know by training or instinct already. Admiral Hackett has taken a keen interest in you, Lieutenant, and that is a huge compliment. He's a man known for picking the best of the best in the Alliance to serve in his fleet. Of course, politics of the Admiralty don't like that he gets the cream of the crop, leaving the seconds for the other admirals." Anderson grinned.

"I don't know why I would be so privileged, Commander." Mira quirked her head to the side.

"That is why we are about to see what you can do on a live mission, Lieutenant Shepard." Anderson's face turned serious. "This mission requires some stealth, quick thinking, and most of all, delicacy. The Batarians on Khar'shan captured one of our operatives. As you know, the diplomatic situation with the Batarians are real….shaky at best. An Alliance frigate can't go into the Terminus Systems and demand our operative back. First, we would have to admit that we had one on their planet."

"I see." Mira nodded, quite aware of the political ramifications between the Alliance and the Batarians. There were several contested planets between the Alliance and Batarians in the Skillian Verge, especially Elysium. With human expansion of their colonies growing faster each year, some of the non-Council and Council races were crying out against the rapid expansion of humans out in space. Elysium is the largest human colony in the Skillian Verge and a notable spaceport for galactic trade and the Alliance Navy.

"Ah, you do see and not spouting off some non-committal phrase." Anderson nodded as he noticed Shepard mulling over the political history of the Skillian Verge and the Batarians. "Now, the reason you are going with me is because of my familiarity with Khar'shan and its capitol, Kamala. The only thing we know for sure of is that our operative is being held in the Karta warehouse district. It's an older district and used for many illegal activities."

"A perfect place to hold a prisoner that you don't want out in public domain." Mira concluded.

"Exactly. The security forces in Kamala will not go into the district and thus it is lawless. This is where a two man team comes in handy as we can slip in and out undetected."

"I won't lie to you, this is dangerous, and once we reach Kamala we will be on our own until we signal for pick up.

"I understand. So, what is the plan of attack?" Mira asked Anderson. She liked the older man for his easy nature. He was a toughened soldier and no novice to hardship.

"Well, we have to meet up with another ship at a rendezvous point. They have been working in the area and small enough to go under the radar screens of most hostile systems. Of course, it is one of Admiral Hackett's ships." Anderson grinned at the irony.

Mira had to roll her eyes and give a little laugh, "Who would have thought."

-/*\-

"The Hastings has just hailed us, captain." the communications officer informed.

"Open channel." The older captain ordered.

"Cairo, we have a package to deliver."

"We are ready, captain. We got an officer down in the cargo bay waiting for pickup."

Down in the cargo bay, the deck officer and Kaidan waited in their enviro-suits for delivery of some package from the Hastings. Kaidan was curious what it was and why the cargo bay had to be depressurized. Nevertheless, he would know soon enough. The captain trusted him in handling his matter with discretion. It was part of some covert ops mission, that was all he knew.

Diverting his attention quickly, the cargo bay of the Hastings opened onto two figures backlit on the ramp. Suddenly, they kicked off using their momentum in the zero gravity to launch themselves into the Cairo's cargo bay. Instinctively, Kaidan clipped the tether to his belt, the deck officer ready to pressurize the hull when the delivery was complete. The first figure was bulky, that of a male, and reached the deck first. Kaidan caught the man's arm and helped him get his boots planted firmly to the deck. The second figure was slimmer and didn't have the same momentum to reach the Cairo's deck. Somehow, knowing that she wasn't going to quite reach all the way, Kaidan kicked off the deck propelling himself to intercept the female, catching her around the waist. Their combined weight gave the needed mass to land on the cargo deck. The Hastings ramp was already closing and moving away from the Cairo.

The deck officer closed the ramp and pressurized the hold. Kaidan braced his legs and body with the female still in his arms as gravity returned to the cargo deck. She wriggled and pushed against him, freeing herself from Kaidan's embrace. The male officer unlatched his helmet when the cargo bay was back to normal.

"Nice catch, Lieutenant!" Anderson grinned toward Kaidan.

Releasing the suited female, Kaidan proceeded to remove his helmet at the same time she did. The woman shook her head, releasing the loosely tied brown hair to spread out over the enviro-suit. Kaidan did an intake of breath when the blue eyes looked at him. It was her! It was Shepard. This very same woman had starting haunting his dreams over the past two years, since he left the academy.

"Thank you, Lieutenant." The husky voice said as Shepard tucked the helmet under her arm.

"Uh…you are welcome." Kaidan's tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. Shepard cocked her head, eyes narrowing a little as if she was remembering something but couldn't quite catch the memory. "I'll take you to the…captain." He swallowed, looking toward Anderson, trying to avoid staring at Shepard.

"After we get out of these suits first." Anderson said, shouldering the large pack off his back to the deck.

"Yes, sir."

'_Lieutenant Alenko, is the package safe and sound?'_ the captain asked over the comm.

"Aye, sir." Kaidan confirmed trying hard not to look at Shepard as she shimmied out of the enviro-suit. Since he last saw her, the extra roundness in her face was gone lending a mature look now instead one of youth. In addition, the impeccable control over her movements was astonishing. No move was wasted and what she showed on her expressions were enough to give humanity but not reveal her inner thoughts or emotions. It was as if Kaidan was seeing a mirror of himself except he seemed to dissemble whenever Shepard was near.

"Are you okay, Lieutenant Alenko?" Anderson asked in concerned at Kaidan's nervous face.

"Yes, sir. I'll take you to the captain now." Kaidan turned to lead the way to the CIC, schooling his impassive mask back on.

-/*\-

Mira watched the lieutenant walking in front of them as he led them to the ships CIC. Once she heard the name and looked again at the man, she knew him from the academy. He was one who smashed the punching bag to the floor and helped crawl to his room when a migraine hit. The ACU's fit him snugly and if they were gym clothes, Mira could see the fit body underneath…the finely toned and sculpted man that had stood in front of her sweating. Shaking her head a little, Mira put those thoughts out of her mind. What was important was the mission, her focus had to remain on the objective. There wasn't much time before they arrived at Khar'Shan to go and have fancy thoughts about a man she barely knew. The man's strong jaw and full mouth must not distract her, nor the ripples under the uniform as his body moved. Sighing quietly, Mira pushed the thoughts away again, albeit regretfully.

'_Focus, Shepard, you can't be distracted. It is coincidence he's here and still looks as good as he does. You are career officers, you will leave again, and he will be going his way.'_

Upon arriving at CIC, the captain immediately greeted them and took them off to the side, dismissing Kaidan. Mira noticed that he watched her intently as they left his presence. Something about the way he looked at her, unnerved Mira. He was hard to read and Mira was good at reading people but she couldn't figure out Lieutenant Alenko.

"We are a day out from Khar'Shan," the captain told them, grabbing Mira's attention immediately. "Once there, I have acquired a standard personal shuttle you can use to get down to the planet."

"Thank you, captain," Anderson said.

"I hope you get your man, Commander. We can't leave one of our own behind." The captain frowned.

"I just want to know how he got captured. N7 operatives aren't known for being hostages." Mira commented.

"We don't have much except that he was captured. There isn't much intel coming out of Kamala. The one source we had seemed to have disappeared." The captain shrugged.

"Disappeared?" Anderson's eyes narrowed. "Snitches don't just disappear."

"Things are becoming more unstable in the Verge lately, Commander. Just recently, we have acquired some data from a Terra Firma cell in the region. A lot of it is encrypted and will take months to decipher."

Mira took all the news in filing it away for assessment later. There was missing intelligence to the overall picture that could shed light about their operative's demise. "Hopefully we might find some answers when we get down to Kamala." Mira said.

"Well said, Lieutenant." Anderson agreed. "Do you have an area we can go and start planning?"

"It may be a little cramped but there is small dining area by the galley on the crew deck. It's all we have, Commander."

"That will be fine. Add in coffee and we will be set for a few hours." Anderson smiled.

The two Special Forces operatives took their leave from the captain and headed down to the dining area. They sat down after grabbing a cup of coffee and started hashing out the mission parameters.

Anderson stood up and took a walk after a couple of hours going over the layout of Kamala. Mira rubbed at her eyes with the heels of her hands, feeling the hum of static buildup under the surface of her skin. She jumped when a fresh cup of coffee was set before her. Looking up to find Lieutenant Alenko with that guarded expression of his taking his hand away from the coffee, Mira thanked him. His brown eyes looked at her intently, making the hairs on the back of her neck raise. Mira never heard him approach until the cup was in front of her.

"I haven't gotten to apologize for what happened at the academy," his voice rasped deeply.

"If you are talking about the gym bag, no need…"

"Not that, at the party and…afterwards."

"Take a seat, Lieutenant." Mira pointed to the empty seat across from her and taking the fresh coffee in her hands, sipping carefully at the hot beverage. "You didn't know a migraine was going to happen."

"Maybe but I acted a bit….forward with you when I shouldn't have." He slid into the seat and folded his hands on the table.

Mira was unsure of what to say. She had never thought twice about his half-slurred and pain induced speech that night. When in extreme pain people tended to lose some inhibitions, so she had dismissed any of the lieutenant's words or actions as just a side effect of his migraine. "Um…well…I didn't think twice about it." She said honestly. "I dismissed it as the pain and alcohol talking." Kaidan blinked and Mira groaned inside for saying such a dismissive and insensitive thing so bluntly to the man. "I…I'm sorry." Mira said quietly. "I didn't mean for that to come out so bluntly and insensitive."

"It's fine." Kaidan whispered roughly and took a deep breath. "I…I'll leave you be…" he stood up from the table and hesitated a moment. Mira watched him as he seemed to struggle with a decision or waiting for something but she felt awkward.

"Lieutenant Alenko," Mira started, "thank you for the coffee." She finished lamely, kicking herself mentally. What was she to say to the man she barely knew? Mira always struggled with getting to know people personally as her reticence got in the way.

"You're welcome." His gaze lingered for a moment on her and then he turned to leave her alone.

Mira sighed, laying her forehead against the warm coffee cup. She was an idiot when it came to that man.

-/*\-

Kaidan laid his head back on the wall when he reached the cargo bay, getting away from people so he could gather his thoughts and emotions. He was an idiot. Shepard was blunt. He tried to apologize for his behavior a long time ago and she had dismissed it. He should forget about it, as she had. Kaidan didn't know her and there would be no chance to. Maybe it was better this way for both of them.

'_I can't figure women out.'_ Kaidan berated himself.

Clenching and unclenching his fists, Kaidan did some breathing exercises to center himself and push the rising anger and self-doubt down. The flicker of dark blue wisped around his fist. There was something more bothering him than just Shepard's insensitive comment but Kaidan didn't want to open that can of worms.

'_I'm tired. Better get some shut eye before the next shift.' _Pushing off the wall Kaidan headed back up to the crew deck and to his sleep pod.

-/*\-

Anderson silently motioned to Mira to take position to the left of the door. The warehouse lacked guards, which struck the pair as odd. The dark night provided them with lots of cover for stealth but Mira had a sinking feeling in her stomach. After the Cairo dropped them off, Anderson and Mira were on their own until they sent an encoded signal for pick up.

After getting some information about the informant and their operative, they silently made their way to the abandoned warehouses in the Karta District. Mira kept her amp primed to release dark energy in case they ran into some trouble. Anderson put his back to the door and reached for the handle, slowly opening the service door. When no weapon fire answered the intrusion, Anderson and Mira slipped inside.

The warehouse was lit with flickering bulbs, causing distorted shadows amongst broken crates and old machinery. They took turns checking around corners, pistols pointing where they looked. Another door led to an interior office in front of them. The light was off and still no guards were to be found. Mira signaled Anderson that she was going to search around the office. Anderson nodded and patrolled the other side. Silently running from cover to cover, Mira's eyes searched around the building through the poor flickering lighting. Everything looked clean. No dust, no trails or signs of rodents, the warehouse was in use and they had no idea when those that claimed it would be back. She came upon a rear door to the office building and crouched, eyes scanning the area for traps.

Her hand pushed open the unlatched door, pistol at the ready for any trouble. As soon as it swung fully open immediate gunfire exited, shredding through the pallets opposite the door. It wasn't a wild panicked fire but precise and centered, meant to kill the intruder who opened the door. Mira's body immediately flared to life with dark energy as her muscles channeled the energy for a stasis field. Rushing through the door, Mira took note of the muzzle flash direction, bullets bouncing off the kinetic barrier of her armor. With a throw of her arm, the energy spilled forth and hit the person firing the pistol, paralyzing them in the stasis field.

From the other end of the office, the light flickered on and Mira saw the battered form of Garrett wrapped in her stasis. His eyes were wide, skin filthy and bruised with dried blood crusted at his temple from repeated strikes at the head. "Garrett!" Mira cried out, just as Anderson came around, pistol pointed at the man on the ground. She rushed to the big man's side her hands running gingerly over him checking for any injuries. Surprise and relief warred over her face as she took in the broken form of her friend.

"M..mm..mira?" his cracked lips croaked out her name, as his ice blue eyes focused on hers, recognition slowly growing in them.

"Yes, Garrett, it's me." she said softly, her mask slipped allowing the chaos of emotions marking her features.

"What's the damage, Lieutenant?" Anderson said in a gentle tone as he kneeled by them.

Garrett groaned and winced as her hands gently pushed in his ribs. "Several broken ribs, probably some internal bleeding judging by the bruising I can see through the torn clothing. Garrett? Can you walk?"

He shook his head carefully, "Bastards…broke…broke my legs. Left me here to…to…die."

"He's in shock." Anderson stated.

"Where are they?" Mira asked the man.

"G...g...one…will…be…back...always…come…back."

"How long since they were last here, Lieutenant?" Anderson asked.

"Six hours…more? Always check…to see if … I still live…" Garrett coughed, his chest rattling and a trickle of blood coming from his lips.

"We better get you out of here!" Mira said in quiet alarm at her friend and former lover's condition.

"No!" Garrett's eyes shot open. "Leave me, Mir, please! I'd only slow you down. Must….get out...before they…catch…you." His eyes pleaded with Mira. He feared for her, Mira realized, knowing his death was inevitable.

"We came here to extract you, soldier!" Anderson barked

Garrett shook his head at the two officers in defiance; Mira's eyes shone anguish in her gaze as she was torn by loyalty to a friend and getting the mission done. This was a time to be tough and Mira cringed at what she must do to the giant of a man in order to get all of them out of the warehouse and back to the Cairo. They had to extract him against his wishes as the enemy was going to be back at any time. "Lieutenant Oskarsson, we are getting you out of here." Mira hardened her voice with command, deciding the mission was tantamount over her friend's wishes.

His eyes stared into hers but Mira hardened her look, the commander in her rising to the surface. If the soldier wasn't strong enough, she had to be that strength for that soldier. "Yes, ma'am." He croaked, the giant man visibly shrinking in himself as he recognized authority.

Anderson watched the exchange between the officers and saw the transformation in Mira from regular soldier to a commander. Authority and command stiffened her and shut out the personal feelings. Without another word, Anderson shouldered one of the big man's arms around his shoulder. Thankfully, he was of similar height to the younger soldier so the disparity wasn't great in carrying the disabled man. Mira shouldered the other side of Garrett the best she could, putting an arm around his waist to help ease the strain. They lifted Garrett from the floor making the man clench his teeth against the onslaught of pain.

The trio struggled, Garrett being more of a dead weight than help. Mira kept the dark energy ready, waiting to be released on the enemy. As they reached outside of the warehouse, the Alliance officers noticed the incoming lights of flyers. They fell behind cover to wait for them to pass over but that wasn't their luck as the flyers landed by the front of the warehouse.

"Shepard, call the Cairo! We need extraction now! We won't make it to the shuttle with Lieutenant Oskarsson like this."

"It would be a breach of diplomacy, sir! They will make the Cairo when she lands." Mira argued back.

"I know but this man isn't going to make the trip to the shuttle with gunfire at our backs. There is an abandoned dock a few hundred meters away."

She was going to argue some more but the hard look on Anderson's face wasn't going to hear it. They needed to get out fast with a wounded soldier and the shuttle they came in was three blocks away. Touching her earpiece, Mira contacted the Cairo for an emergency extraction, sending them new coordinates for landing. As soon as she finished the call, loud shouts could be heard in the warehouse. They picked Garrett up and started towards the new extraction point as fast as they could. It wasn't long when the first gunfire flew by them.

"Provide cover, Shepard, I'll carry him." Anderson ordered as he lifted the large man across his shoulders in a fireman carry. He grunted under the weight just as Garrett groaned from the change of position, barely conscious of his surroundings.

More bullets riddled by their heads, along with shouting. Mira worked up a singularity in the middle of the first group. The release left her a little dizzy but she steeled herself to unleash more dark energy and fire her pistol. A bullet zipped by her head and struck her barrier. The roar of a ship came over their heads as Anderson and Mira rushed down the dock toward the approaching Cairo. The bright lights of the Cairo's landing lights flooded the dock and buildings, effectively blinding the Batarians from seeing the Alliance ship registry. Anderson struggled with Garrett's weight as he approached the cargo ramp.

With her energy depleting rapidly, Mira spent the last of it to unleash a throw toward Anderson and Garrett as she ran toward the Cairo. Another flash of dark energy surrounded her, stopping a hail of several bullets from penetrating her armor. Looking up, Mira saw Lieutenant Alenko grim faced and shimmering, firing back at the Batarians with a pistol. The Batarians switched tactics and focused their fire on Anderson and Garrett on the ramp. Mira stumbled up, just as arms pulled her up the rest of the way. Anderson collapsed as Garrett rolled off his shoulders and onto the deck. When Mira looked over, her eyes opened in shock. Garrett was dead. His ice blue eyes dully staring at the ceiling of the cargo bay.

"No." she said hoarsely.

"Get the ramp up!" Kaidan yelled, wrapping his arms around the collapsing adept. He steeled himself as Mira's control started to crumble, her dark energy leaking and buzzing against his uncomfortably.

"NO!" Mira struggled out of Kaidan's grasp and went over to Garrett, stumbling blindly to the prone form of the large man. Tears stung her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks. Mira's hands tried to stem the flow of from the many wounds, her hands becoming sticky with the dead officers blood. Rage filled her instantly while adrenaline surged through exhaustion and flaring hotly through her amp. Turning around to see the ramp closing, Mira's body flared with bright energy as it shimmered over her. The sight of the killers slowly being shut away from her sight made her seethe and flare more. She wanted them to pay! They had killed Garrett and the bastards were going to pay! Mira raised her arms toward the fading view of the Batarians only to have them pinned physically and by a stasis field.

Anger flashed in her blue eyes to see Kaidan grimly holding her, his gaze dark and hard as he faced Mira. "Let me go!" she commanded of him coldly.

"No." he said stiffly, drops of sweat running down the sides of his face as he held Mira's power in check.

"LET ME GO!" Mira cried out struggling against Kaidan's stasis. Kaidan flinched at the power she pushed at the field.

"No." Kaidan said again but gently as his eyes softened with sadness for her and for Garrett, who was also a friend of his.

The adrenaline rush started to fade and the dark energy lessened in Mira. Kaidan eased up on the stasis though it already was weakened by Mira's onslaught. Her eyes were full of tears and grief as she looked at Garrett's prone body, the finality of life hitting her like a ton of bricks. Anderson looked up at her, sadness in his eyes for the loss of a good soldier who survived torture only to be gunned down in his rescue. Deep racking sobs erupted from Mira as she collapsed from exhaustion and grief. The lieutenant continued to hold her as she went down to the deck, heedless of her surroundings and the crew around her.

Mira never experienced grief first hand, not for someone she had called a friend and became a lover. This was someone she knew, laughed with, had drinks, and fought with. She had relatives die but then she wasn't close to her parent's family, being on the move constantly. However, this was crushing and consuming, people around here seemed far away. Mira couldn't breathe and her vision started to blacken around the edges.

"Lieutenant, take her away." Anderson ordered Kaidan hoarsely.

She started to struggle weakly against Kaidan, not wanting to leave Garrett's bloody body but the man overruled her and hauled Mira to her feet, leading them away from the fallen soldier.

-/*\-

After an hour of calming down Shepard, Kaidan was exhausted and could feel the start of a pounding headache. The woman was strong but she didn't break through his stasis. He knew Garrett, as the man showed him how to shoot a pistol accurately and break it down in a few seconds. They had shared an easy camaraderie in the academy while training. Kaidan only wished that he had gotten to know Garrett better, like Shepard had. To get him back just to have him killed as he stepped on the ship was tragic. What Kaidan hadn't expected was the force of emotion coming from Shepard over Garrett. Then it dawned on him, they were lovers at the academy. His jaw clenched as the pounding at the temples increased. Kaidan rushed to the medbay to get a dose of his medication before a full-blown migraine could happen.

Kaidan stayed in the medbay in the dim light, waiting for the headache to go away. Another hour had gone by while the Cairo was underway to meet up with the Hastings. He had walked back to the cargo bay to see what happened and saw the casket tube laying there with an Alliance flag draped over it. Shepard's shimmering form stood by it, head bowed and hand resting on the flag. Kaidan could see that Shepard had just minimal control on her biotics, her emotions running rampant from grief. Stepping quietly next to her, Kaidan swallowed hard at the heavy pall in the cargo bay.

"I'm sorry, Lieutenant Shepard." Kaidan spoke softly. "He was a good man."

"The best." She whispered hoarsely.

"I…uh…" he faltered, not sure what to say next.

"Please, leave me alone, Alenko." Shepard said in a tired voice.

With a nod, Kaidan left her alone to her grief. It broke his heart to see Shepard's blue eyes so dark but he couldn't comfort her and as the only other biotic onboard, he was the only one who could stop Shepard if she lost control again. It was always tragic to see one so young experience grief at a time when their life was beginning. It tended to make one grow up real fast.

He killed a man and Kaidan knew it changed him forever. He grieved for what his actions caused and he was angry for falling for Vyrnnus's baiting to make him lose control of his powers. After leaving Gagarin Station at eighteen, Kaidan returned to Earth for a while, to figure his head out. Kaidan backpacked through the wilderness in Vancouver, letting one of the last refuges of nature help heal him. His parents worried about him but understood why the young man needed time alone.

Thinking back to Shepard, Kaidan felt sorry for her because she wasn't going to have that time to grieve and work out the mourning process. Not while she was an N7 Alliance officer. Kaidan had to work out his own issues too, realizing that the anger and guilt from Brain Camp hadn't left. Turning back one last time, Kaidan looked at the slumped form of the young woman that had captured his notice. From this viewpoint, he could see her profile, tears staining her face and the long brown hair tucked haphazardly behind her ears. The man who garnered those emotions from her must have been special, he thought.

Kaidan turned away and left the cargo bay, leaving Mira alone to her grief.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's note: Doing some reading up of the timeline on Mass Effect Wikia, got a bit more insight as to how events happened regarding Shepard's early history, as well as Kaidan's. Also, an explanation for Shepard's biotic abilities. Regarding to the first chapter, the time is right but I took some licensing from canon. Kaidan enlisted one year after Shepard but I read somewhere, he refused further biotic training. So, it's a stretch but he could have gotten himself ahead in OCS because of his prior training with Conatix. :D_

_Since no specific dates were given, just a year, I'm going to make one for the Blitz. Also, no date was given for a birthday for Kaidan but from reading, his birthday is before Shepard's, and seemed to be born at the latter part of the year 2151._

Chapter 3

- July 4th, 2173, Elysium –

A festive air filled the streets of Elysium, as an old Earth holiday was still celebrated, even on a human colony light-years away from the home planet. Firecrackers and sparklers were everywhere. The celebration of freedom started early that day, leaving the Alliance marine detachment stationed on Elysium, doing double patrols that day. Everyone groaned at not being able to join in the festivities, but Staff Lieutenant Shepard gave a mock hard look to her squad and handed out the patrol assignments.

It had been two years since her first assignment and Lieutenant Oskarsson's death. She took the loss of Garrett rather hard and took it hard on herself for losing control of her biotics for the first time since being implanted with the L3 implants. There wasn't time to mourn as Commander Anderson and she were sent to another mission, related to the capture and death of their operative. After a rough start, Mira had realized that she had to move on, do better, so she wouldn't lose another person under her watch. After the departure from the Cairo, Mira never saw that lieutenant that held her when she lost control. She felt bad for telling him to leave her alone but at that time, she didn't want any comfort, didn't want to talk to anyone. Anderson respected her space and grief, leaving her alone for a time before the Hastings picked them up.

Now, here she was, commanding her first groundside unit. It was a team of ten, part of a larger battalion stationed on Elysium but still, it was Mira's first command. She thought for sure after the disaster of the first mission, that being given any type of command responsibility was going to be a long ways off. However, Mira was wrong. The assignment came from Admiral Hackett himself. He elusively mentioned to keep eyes and ears open for Batarian activity in the region, especially after that affair on Camala. After Camala and attending Garrett's memorial service, Mira hardened her resolve to be better. She wasn't going to accept failure on her part. Loss of control like the one she had was unacceptable. The Major always said loss of control led to failure in the mission. Anderson reassured her that she had no control of the situation and that she did everything she was supposed to. However, her emotions got control of her when her best friend was killed. Anderson couldn't understand that Mira would have unleashed hell with raging dark energy flying unchecked. Only that lieutenant stopped her, holding her in stasis until a measure of control or exhaustion took her. In her case, it was exhaustion.

Eighteen months on Elysium wasn't so bad, Mira thought, except for busting up fights at bars with visiting naval crewmen and the transient aliens, it was a rather unfulfilling and dull assignment. It did give her opportunity to keep practicing and implementing new techniques with her biotics. Her unit had two other biotics, one was considered a vanguard class and the other a sentinel. With her adept class, the trio became a fluid team of overlapping and unique talent.

"Lieutenant," one of her men came up to her, saluted and gulped for air. "We've got a problem."

"What do you mean?" Mira looked at him sharply.

"I can't reach tango base on the comms. There is static on the line. Terry's group was to have reported in fifteen minutes ago."

The flutter in Mira's stomach gave her warning that something was wrong and to expect trouble. Things with her unit and the Alliance Military detachment ran like clockwork, each squad had their rotation and reported in regularly. Their commanding officer was off duty with his family, enjoying the July 4th celebrations, and thus, she was acting CO in the meantime. "Have you tried the alternate channels?"

"Aye, ma'am. Nothing."

Looking up to the sky, the purples of evening stained the sky, the stars winking in and out as they vied for attention from Elysium's lights. "It may be nothing but start a perimeter sweep. Recall those soldiers that took off for the celebrations."

The soldier saluted knowing not to question Shepard's gut instinct. The couple of times that excitement did happen, Shepard and her team fought small groups of slavers in the back alleys attempting to do a raid. It was better to be prepared than caught with your pants down. Mira wasn't going to disrupt the various parties because of butterflies flapping in her stomach. She wasn't infallible and learned to gather information first before action was called for. Right now, there was no need pull her commander away from his own celebrations with his family because of one missed check-in call.

The first shrill whistles and booms of fireworks streaked through the sky as night fully fell. Looking up for a moment, Mira admired the brightly colored flashes and whirls. Then another boom sounded in her ear that didn't come from fireworks. In the distance to the west, Mira saw an artillery round streak through the night sky to pound into Elysium's warehouse sector. More bright streaks fell from the sky as ships and trooper pods entered Elysium's atmosphere.

"Bryant!" Mira tapped her ear comm., "Recall all personnel ASAP! We are under attack!"

'Aye, Lieutenant!' the crisp voice of the technician answered.

Running down the street, Mira unlatched her pistol from her hip and shifted the implants to gather dark energy. Mira yelled at off duty soldiers to grab weapons and gear up as she passed them. They snapped to, drinks spilling to the street, as they scrambled to their gear. Screams were starting to echo down the streets now from both adults and children as a firefight broke out in the shopping district ahead of her. Mira spotted another units second officer and ran over to him.

"Sir, we need to find a defensible ground and get these people there." Mira shouted over the rising chaos.

He looked a little wide-eyed but pulled together as he heard Mira's authority. "Capitol hill, it has barriers and underground bunkers."

"Of course, the politicians would have built such a thing." Mira muttered.

He cocked a grim grin to her and unloaded his rifle. Catching movement from the corner of her eye, Mira snapped a warp field to the area. The grunt that immediately came after her release, confirmed that whatever ground troops landed were already in the city and was moving quickly through the populace.

"Over here, Shepard!" the other officer motioned to her, leading her toward the center of the city. The press of panicking citizens hampered their movement, as civilians milled around confused as to what was happening and wanting to escape from the sound of gunfire. Mira yelled for people to follow them to safety but only a few heard and followed the Alliance marines. Children cried in parent's arms and men grabbed for anything to use as a weapon. Many service members were on Elysium for leave and looked for any weapons and ammunition they could find in order to join in the defense of Eylsium's citizens. Mira's eyes roamed over the sea of running bodies and the enemy now coming into sight. Mercenaries and slavers rushed through, pushing and killing people in their way, Mira looked in surprise. A wail distracted her as she noticed a young toddler being jostled by the running citizens. The young boy's face was red from crying and fear. Going over to the child, Mira kneeled down in front of him.

"Where's your mommy, sweetie?" she said, some maternal instinct coming out of her soldier exterior.

The little boy sniffled and hiccupped, crying as loud gunfire zipped close by them. "I…doooon…kkn…ow!"

Looking around, Mira couldn't find anyone looking for a child. She couldn't leave him there where slavers would take the child but as she saw the enemy, Mira noticed they weren't going for assets but were killing for blood. Scooping up the young boy, Mira settled him on her hip. The boy wrapped his arms around her neck tightly, burying his face in her armor.

"Shepard, what are you doing?" the other soldier asked her.

"I can't leave him in the street!" she yelled back.

The other marine sighed and raised his rifle to let go of a quick burst of fire to a mercenary gunning for Shepard's back. "Come on, we are still two blocks out and then we will find someone to take the little guy."

The pair of marines wove through the chaos, people taking notice of them and started following in their wake toward the central district of Elysium. After what seemed like hours, Mira and their retinue reached a raised barricade to the government seat of Elysium.

"Torrino! Howard!" Mira yelled to the top of the barrier at her squadmates as she spotted them helping people get to safety.

"Shepard!" Howard yelled back in answer and lumbered down the barrier. "The Commander…he's dead. Damn mercs got his family by surprise. You're in charge of the battalion!"

"What?" Mira snapped a hard look to Howard. What was just a second of surprise, she snapped into command-mode immediately after. "Get the civilians inside the bunkers or anywhere defensible. If they can hold a rifle, issue one and have them hold the roofs inside the barrier. Anyone with biotics, station them evenly along the wall!" Mira settled the little boy as he started to slip from her hip. Torrino, an Italian descent woman saluted Mira, a rifle propped up on her shoulder. "Torrino, take this little guy and find someone to watch him."

Torrino loved kids and Mira knew would the woman would find someone to watch the frightened little boy. "Hi there, little man!" Torrino cooed as she took him from Mira's arms.

The ground shook violently near the soldiers as the bombardment from the air hit nearby, sending fragments of glass and steel raining down on the street. Howard pulled Shepard out of the way and toward the barrier wall, narrowly escaping a steel beam that crashed behind them. Once they were behind a shield, they popped their heads up and laid down cover fire on the area as a group of the enemy mercs sprang into view. A couple managed to meet the hail of bullets and fell to the ground dead. Mira tossed some dark energy about, knocking back a couple more of the invaders with lethal force, snapping their necks instantly.

"Get me the Alliance comms!" she yelled between blasts of her pistol and biotic energy.

"We are trying, Lieutenant!" Howard yelled back. "There is a lot of interference, probably thanks to our friends shelling on us."

The group of pirates that had rushed them littered the rubble-strewn street before the barrier, dead or dying, gave the soldiers a little breather to recuperate for the next wave. Mira spotted a small group of men and women in casual attire and carrying rifles, approach her and salute as they stopped at the foot of the barrier. Off duty marines, Mira thought and smiled.

"Corporal Lance, ma'am, reporting in with my squad." The woman was around Mira's age but taller and bulkier. "Awaiting orders, ma'am."

Mira had to catch her breath, the little trembling from releasing so much dark energy started to show in her hands. Willing the shakes to stop, Mira looked at the group, wondering what to do now. It wasn't going to be long before another group was sent and she had to check on the other soldiers, she suddenly realized. "Hold this position, Corporal. This is the closest to the markets and the enemy seem to be coming from that direction. Are there any other off-duty marines?" Mira asked.

"Two more squads, ma'am. We came from the SSV Agincourt."

"The Agincourt?" Mira almost sighed in relief to know there was an Alliance vessel in orbit when Elysium was struck.

"Hopefully they are kicking some merc ass up there, ma'am." The woman grinned.

"Until then, we better hold the line down here until reinforcements come." The corporal nodded and ordered her squad to take position. Mira nodded to Howard to come with her as she jogged over to the next set of barriers. The few marines and civilians positioned there were hanging on, firing out of cover, and popping back when the pirates and mercs returned a volley. The only thing that had Mira worried was the exposed alleys. They were small and cramped but there were no protective barriers to pop up and stop someone from sneaking through. Urban warfare was deadly because of the potential traps around buildings or doorways. Not to mention, you had to approach everything with care because of blindspots.

Smoothing her chin-length hair behind her ears, Mira moved on, her body buzzing with ready energy and her pistol primed. Mira was ready for anything. She had to hold the line. A small group was caught unawares as she padded silently in one alley and threw out a biotic push, sending the pirates flying a couple hundred feet. Gritting her teeth, Mira pressed on, though she was getting tired and didn't have that much energy reserves left for more than a couple rounds with her biotics. Howard had her back with his rifle ready. They reached the next narrow alley and noticed a small group positioned there with fallen crates blocking the exit. The civilians jerked nervously as the marines approached but smiled at the soldiers with relief.

Mira turned to the one civilian man, "How is the situation?"

"We have had four small groups try to come through, Lieutenant." He said. "We have a sniper up on the roof keeping a lookout. I figured that the alleys were a weak point from the barrier walls."

"Good thinking!" she smiled at the man.

"I'm a retired security officer, ma'am." His shoulders straightened in pride. "I know weak spots when I see them and try to get them manned."

"Thank you, then, for the foresight. We have Alliance ships coming, so you need to hold on for as long as you can."

"Will do!"

"…_this is Admiral Thurgood of the SSV Commanche! Anyone in charge down there?"_ a hectic commanding voice came through Mira's earpiece.

"Admiral Thurgood, Lieutenant Shepard here. I am in charge of the marine detachment here on Elysium. My commanding officer and his family were killed in the first wave of the attack."

"_Dear God! Lieutenant, sitrep!"_ he wasted no words in his transmission.

Mira laid down the situation in precise and accurate words, briefing the admiral of the incoming reports she received from other marines around the city. The losses were getting high but those that held their ground dealt more damage to the invading mercenaries and pirates than the enemy was dishing out. The admiral didn't interrupt her, which Mira was thankful, as the situation around her started to sink in her tired mind.

"_Good work, Lieutenant. The fleet is just arriving into Elysium's orbit. The Agincourt managed to get a distress call out to the beacon. Just hang in there a little longer, soldier. Reinforcements are on their way."_

"Thank you, sir!" Mira grinned with elation. However, as soon as the communication ended, a large group of pirates pressed their position from the opposite end of the alley. They brought rockets and hammered at the makeshift barrier.

-/*\-

News of the attack on Elysium spread quickly through the news net just after the attack started. The journalists covering the holiday there switched to war correspondents and reported on the attack. Alliance ships that were not out there fighting got the news relayed to them. However, the SSV Cairo was docked back at Earth going through repairs after a serious skirmish in the Hades Gamma system. Kaidan, the deck officer, Oliver, and a couple of other marines, sat in one of the bars down in New Orleans enjoying their off duty time, when the news came through. Silence fell throughout the bar. The few aliens that were on Earth even stopped talking to watch the pirate attack on Elysium.

Civilians and marines ran or fired their guns in the streets. The reporter's cameraman took notice of one soldier throwing out biotics and firing a pistol, her face grim and sweaty. The marine yelled out orders to both civilians and soldier to hold position when another wave of pirates came at them. The camera swung around to the charging enemy, flashes of gunfire and rockets streaking through the air.

This was the first attack on a human colony since Shanxi but instead of an alien race holding it hostage, it was a large force of pirates, mercenaries and slavers. It looked grim but the commanding marine kept morale up and fought hard against the enemy alongside her soldiers. Kaidan narrowed his eyes as the camera swung to the commanding woman. She looked familiar, he thought but something was different. When a close-up of the fighting marine was shown, the figure stalked toward the news crew, clearly unhappy, those eyes are what got to Kaidan. It was her, Shepard, Kaidan's heart beat a little faster with trepidation to know that she was there fighting for her life.

"_Get out of my face and under cover!"_ Shepard yelled at the news team, grabbing the cameraman and shoving him toward the shelter, along with the reporter. The feed was immediately cut and replaced by the local news station anchor.

"Oh, man!" Oliver let out a heavy breath. "We happen to get laid up and Elysium gets attacked!" The deck officer's fist pounded on the table.

"You recognize that marine, Oliver?" Kaidan asked him.

"Yeah, how could you forget that one? She was about to tear a hole through my cargo bay! Damn, she is in a mess." Oliver shook his head. "But…" his mouth pursed, "did you notice in the footage? Seems as she found some control and being in the firefight like that would be enough to make any man piss his pants."

"Looks as though she was holding the line quite well and giving those mercs what for." Kaidan's mouth quirked a little.

"Aye. Little girl grew up in two years." Oliver chuckled.

Kaidan's eyes flashed in annoyance, "Oliver, she was hardly a little girl, even when on the Cairo. She happened to lose her best friend that day."

Oliver's mouth gaped open a bit at Kaidan's fervent statement and then snapped it shut. "Sorry, Lieutenant, I guess given the situation, I would have reacted the same way."

Picking up his glass, Kaidan took a drink of his beer. Now why did he stick up for Shepard? The last time he saw her sitting next to the casket, she told him to leave her alone. He did and then did not think about her, until today. Her hair was shorter, Kaidan realized what was different, and there was a harder edge around her mouth and eyes. She was no longer a little girl but a battled hardened soldier. His assignment was an easy life compared to what Shepard must be going through.

Sam, one of those women Kaidan had befriended on the Cairo finally spoke up. "From seeing that, that marine will make it through."

"Why do you say that?" Kaidan asked her.

"Natural born leader. She just easily flowed between barking out orders and fighting. She gave enough to set men to moving, never wasting time or words. That is a military raised brat. Did you happen to catch the name?" Sam asked curiously.

"Shepard, Lieutenant Shepard." Kaidan supplied. "Don't ask me for a first name because I could be telling you something than what it is."

"You are usually good with names, Alenko." Sam laughed.

"Well," he rubbed at his neck, hiding the blush that was heating the skin, "it got lost somewhere in the introductions when I first met her."

"You know her?" the woman marine leaned on the table, definitely interested now what their reserved lieutenant had to say.

"Not really." Kaidan shrugged. "We had a mutual friend and then she briefly was on the Cairo with Commander Anderson for a mission."

"Oh, the one where that marine was killed upon extraction." Sam said in sympathy.

"Yeah," Kaidan took another drink, getting uncomfortable with talking about Shepard. He didn't know how he felt about the woman. Ever since he noticed her at the OCS school on Arcturus, Kaidan felt pulled to Shepard. "Oskarsson was a good man. A gentle giant but could easily break your neck without a second thought."

The news video of Elysium repeated again on the vid as the station waited for updates on the attack in the Skyllian Verge. Already they were giving the attack a name for its suddenness on the colony, the Skyllian Blitz. Sam picked out more detail on Shepard and her eyes opened wide. "She's Special Forces! What is a Special Forces officer doing on Elysium?"

"They get assigned to where ever they are needed." An older man joined them, a senior enlisted man on the Cairo.

"Wait, Elysium isn't far from Khar'shan, is it?" Kaidan asked Young, the enlisted man.

"Nope, in fact, it is known fact that the Batarian's have wanted Elysium as their colony before we took it. It's been a sore point of diplomacy between the Alliance and Batarian government for quite a few years."

Kaidan leaned back in his chair, thinking quickly about events in the past and lately. It was too coincidental that Shepard had been stationed on Elysium. If the N7 branch needed eyes and ears on Batarian activity in the sector, what better way than to have an N7 operative assigned to one of the border colonies? His eyes shot to the vid as it flashed to an incoming report. The scene opened up to show an Alliance fleet attacking the pirate ships over Elysium. A carrier launched smaller fighter ships and a couple of troop carriers being sent down to the planet. Everyone in the bar erupted in cheers as the Alliance ships broke through the line and got the ground troops reinforcements through the blockade. A smile spread across Kaidan's face, relief echoing in his chest for Shepard and her troops.

The view switched to the ground news team that was with Shepard's team. An intensive firefight was happening at a barrier wall to the government seat of Elysium. The Alliance fighter ships screamed through the dawning sky and fired on the enemy troops, just as several squads of fresh marines closed in behind the pirates. It turned into a rout as marine forces in front and back of the pirates pinned them down with gunfire and flashes of biotics.

The bar's patrons cheering and whistles rose in volume, making Kaidan wince, as the Alliance marines broke the enemy ranks and had them running. Sam jumped up from her seat and yelled in joy. The journalist on the ground had the cameraman pan around the smoky scene with the departing pirates and approaching troops. The picture moved to the cheering crowd at the barrier wall, zooming in on a very tired woman who was smiling with relief. She was taken up in an embrace by another marine and lifted up on his shoulders in victory.

The Blitz had lasted for twelve hours and in the end, Elysium was victorious. A hero came out of the fight for holding the line and keeping morale up within the ranks of soldier and civilian. The journalist grabbed an exhausted marine coming from the wall and questioned him.

"_What is the soldier's name that commanded the troops during the attack?"_

"_Staff Lieutenant Mira Shepard, ma'am."_ The young man grinned, his face streaked with soot and dirt, eyes pinched from exhaustion. _"We wouldn't have made it through the night without her."_

The journalist thanked the soldier and faced the camera_, "After twelve hours of fierce retaliation, the people of Elysium and the marines stationed here survived by Lieutenant Mira Shepard's command of the defenses and people. There would have been more losses today if not for her perseverance and sheer will to keep the line intact. This is Yanna Okuda reporting on Elysium."_

-/*\-

Commander David Anderson led his team up to Mira, shaking his head and grinning, "Shepard, you sure know how to attract trouble."

"Maybe it's my perfume or winning personality, sir." Mira joked tiredly, smiling at the welcome sight of the reinforcement's commanding officer.

"You look like hell, Lieutenant."

"I feel like hell." She groaned as she tried to stand up from leaning against the barrier wall. "Well, what a way to celebrate the 4th of July."

Anderson laughed and shook his head again, then reached for Shepard's elbow to help support her as she tried to stand up. Her hands shook from exhaustion and low blood sugar. Digging into his uniform pocket, he handed a foil wrapped protein bar to the biotic. After she took a small bite, he handed over a water bottle to wash it down.

Mira pulled the top of the bottle and squirted water in her mouth, swishing the cool refreshing drink around, spitting out dust and blood. Taking another drink, this mouthful she drank. "Thanks!" she told Anderson gratefully.

"Good work, Shepard." His eyes gleamed in pride at the woman.

"I just told them where to stand and shoot, sir. The people did the rest."

"If those people didn't have someone to tell them what to do, this city would be lost." Anderson countered Mira's modesty.

"Still too many losses, sir." Mira said.

"True but look at those that was saved because of your actions. Quit being so hard on yourself, Lieutenant." Anderson looked at her with fatherly concern. "Come, you need to clean up and get some sleep. The fresh troops will do cleanup detail and relieve your soldiers."

"Food first," Mira's shaky hand rose and tucked her hair behind her ear.

Anderson led Mira away after she told the relieving officer in charge where the marine post was and a couple other details. She had to lean on Anderson for support because her head was feeling so light from hours of running on adrenaline and the overuse of biotics.

Once food was in her stomach and the blood sugar settled out, the yawns threatened to tear Mira's head open. Her head was nodding at the table aboard the _SSV Commanche_. Admiral Thurgood welcomed her gladly aboard and immediately set to get her clean with a fresh uniform and had the galley prepare a double ration of food. The Admiral tapped his aide to go take Mira to a sleep pod, as she fell asleep sitting up.

Mira twitched in her sleep as scenes of the attack on Elysium mixed with events on Khar'shan years prior. Garrett's bruised and bloody face teased at her, and then it switched to their brief encounter. Instead of the clean faced man kissing her, it was blood streaked and shattered. She woke with a start, heart racing with panic in an unfamiliar place. Looking around in a half-awake state, Mira noticed she was in a sleep pod. Stepping out of it groggily, she made her way slowly down the catwalk where the pods were stored and noticed Anderson at the galley, pouring coffee. He looked up at her giving a gentle smile. He held out the cup to her, which she took gratefully.

"Good morning, Lieutenant."

"I must have not slept long." Mira frowned.

Anderson chuckled, "Matter of fact, you have been out for the last fourteen hours."

She groaned, rubbing at her eyes to clear the sandy feeling and the fading nightmares.

"News media is naming you the hero of the Skyllian Blitz."

"What?" Mira squeaked.

"Take it for a good thing. We need heroes today, especially in the media as they are determined to report on every 'bad' thing going on in the galaxy today." He paused to take a large gulp of his coffee. "Drink that down. Admiral Hackett arrived an hour ago and wants to talk to you."

Wincing as the hot liquid burned down her throat, Mira put the cup down and followed Anderson to the CIC of the _Commanche_. They quickly arrived at the quite bustle and murmuring of the CIC with its lighted screens and stations. The average looking man that was Admiral Hackett stood at the tactical screen, looking over something Mira couldn't quite make out. He turned as Anderson and she arrived.

"Lieutenant Shepard, you are making quite a name for yourself. The hero of Elysium and the Blitz. The Alliance is quite proud of your tenacity and bravery down there."

"I was only doing what I was trained for, Admiral." Mira responded.

"I wish we had news sooner about the attack so the losses and destruction weren't so bad."

"They certainly picked a significant day to attack, sir." Mira's mouth quirked into a lopsided smile.

"Indeed and if they ever had read anything about Earth history, they might have decided some other day to raid the Skyllian Verge. Nevertheless, you held the line, Shepard, and made sure Elysium wasn't lost. Now you are a public figure, like it or not." She gave a little groan at the thought. Becoming an icon wasn't her idea of fun. Hackett laughed softly and patted her shoulder. "Just let the people have their hero. They don't have to know how uncomfortable you feel with the role."

"I'll try," Mira tried to force a smile but couldn't manage it.

"The reason I came out is that your assignment here is done, Lieutenant. After some leave, a new assignment shipboard will come to you."

"Leave?" Mira asked.

"It's been a little over two years since you've had leave, Shepard. And after that battle, some R and R would do you good." Hackett told her.

"For how long am I on leave?"

"Two weeks. If you want, the _Commanche_ can take you to Earth, as she is headed there. It would be a good place to be." Hackett suggested heavily.

He was being evasive and suggestive again, Mira thought. Most people would overlook the average looking man, which suited him fine because Admiral Hackett headed 5th fleet, which was known as the Alliance's special assignments and combat fleet. He was the man to go to when results were needed.

"Where would you suggest, Admiral? I have never been to Earth."

"The Mediterranean is nice at this time of year. You are an active young woman, there are plenty of things you can do, such as sailing, scuba diving, or whatever. It is just one suggestion, of course. Just make sure you have a restful leave before reporting to duty. It might be a long while before you will get another. I will warn you, there are going to be some repercussions from this attack and your skills will be of some use."

Mira understood that forcing her on leave was for her well-being. She wished her parents were going to be around to visit. The communication over the extranet wasn't the same as having them there to talk to. Not that Major Shepard ever said much. He was a man of few words but when he did speak, everyone listened. Mira always thought that her father was quite a philosopher that happened to be a soldier. He had said one time to her when she was in secondary school that the best place to observe the human condition is to be in the military. From there, you witness both tragedy and joy in a matter of heartbeats. It was true, as Mira herself has been witness and party to such extremes of emotion in her short career.

"Understood, sir. I would like to say farewell to the group on Elysium before the _Commanche_ heads out.

Hackett nodded, "Of course.


	4. Chapter 4

- Earth, July 9, 2173 –

His controlled breathing filled his ears as the climb up the steep forested hill took all his concentration. The pack on his back shifted a little making a small change to where weight and gravity were going. Kaidan dug his foot into the loamy soil and pushed his body up. Hiking in Vancouver always helped him center himself and clear his head. After his time at Gagarin Station, Kaidan's parents bought a cabin in the wilds of Vancouver, hoping that being away from people would help their troubled son come to terms with the events on Jump Zero.

During that time, Kaidan would take a pack and hike the trails and hills around the cabin, being gone for days on end with no contact with anyone. Unfortunately, this time the past was dealt with and he was older and wiser, Kaidan had his commpiece on him so the Cairo could contact him. His hand reached for a young tree and grabbed hold, using the muscles in his legs to help pull him up the hill. Doing something physical felt liberating to Kaidan. So much of the time, his biotics were used for the heavy lifting or holding something or someone but to actually get your hands into the soil or grabbing a handhold of tree, root, or rock, was much more satisfying.

Of course, he was a tech and his father would often bring home things to work on. Especially antique cars. When the father/son project of an antique car from the 21st century was being worked, they would go about changing some things with the original engine, in order for it to not burn gasoline. A smile crossed Kaidan's face at the fond memories of the time he and his father would monkey wrench on an old transmission. The smell of grease brought happy memories. His father served in the Alliance as a mechanic for the ground vehicles and was a part time tinkerer.

'_One more pull and you are at the ridge.'_ Kaidan thought as the trees started to thin out a bit. He hated to ditch Oliver, Sam and Young but these trips back to Earth were rare. People were still talking about the hero of the Skyllian Verge and the battle footage on the news vids. Kaidan was impressed by Shepard's show. The adept had amazing control and fortitude to last that long doling out dark energy and not give in to the exhaustion that came from prolonged use. If he had tried, Kaidan would have a migraine that would knock him out for half a day. From watching her in action, Kaidan also admired the grace of the young woman. Just as Sam said, the woman had a natural ability to lead with a firm hand and yet keep the troops performing at peak efficiency, even while everyone was exhausted and hungry. Shepard had definitely matured in the short two years since he first saw her. Not that she was immature, at least he had that impression that even at the Academy, Shepard was more mature than most of the female cadets.

Even through the blood and grime of battle, hair sweat plastered to her face, Shepard's powerful personality shone brightly. She was formidable before but Kaidan saw a force of nature now in her, and he rather liked that. He cursed as he missed his step and the foot slipped from under him. "Concentrate, Kaidan!" he growled to himself and set his foot again in a divot made by his boot. With one last push from his legs, Kaidan reached the ridge of the hill that looked down into a spectacular valley with a lake at the bottom. Not far from the shore, was the cabin and he had enough time to go and take a dip in the lake before going for dinner. Kaidan had convinced his father to come up for a couple of days and just have some time together. The senior Alenko agreed and met Kaidan there. When Kaidan left that morning for the hike, his father was already geared for a day of fishing. The thought of freshly caught trout pushed the increasing desirable thoughts of Shepard to the back of his mind.

After the forty-five trek minute down the hill, he had reached the porch of the cabin. Un-shouldering the pack from his back, Kaidan ran down to the lakeshore, sliding the shirt off his torso on the way down. Slipping the boots and socks off Kaidan stood up, leaving the small pile of clothing, he dashed to the water diving neatly under the cold water. His powerful strokes underwater propelled his body quite far from the shore before Kaidan broke surface. A loud intake of breath exploded as he treaded the water.

A laugh was heard somewhere to right on the shore. Kaidan grinned at his father while the man was cleaning his catch on a rock. "It is any wonder that you blow like a whale when you breach the surface, Kai. Even in the middle of summer, you know that water is close to freezing!"

"After a hot hike, it's refreshing, Da!"

"True but it is a way to also cool the body down after thinking about a woman." The man chuckled.

Kaidan blushed under his olive skin. Damn, Shepard had affected him more than he thought and he barely knew her. Here he was, twenty-five years old and still having the thoughts of some adolescent boy dreaming of his first crush. Turning onto his back, Kaidan floated on the water watching the clouds skim lazily by.

It wasn't long before the senior Alenko was done cleaning the fish, stringing them up on some fishing line and went walking back to the cabin. "Come on, Kai, time to get dinner started."

The two Alenko's kicked back on the porch, the senior, Aidan, with legs stretched out in front of him while Kaidan had his propped up on the porch railing, beer bottle hanging loosely in his hand. Both of the men sat there thinking about women, though Kaidan's father was thinking about his mother who had passed away last year. However, it was the older man that looked at his son from the corner of his eyes.

"Care to talk about her?"

"Who?" Kaidan asked, puzzled.

"This woman who is wrapped up in your head."

He sighed deeply, what could he tell his father about Shepard. She was a woman he only met briefly a couple of times, who he felt drawn to, couldn't forget about those summer sky blue eyes, and for all his admiration, the woman barely knew he was alive. Closing his eyes, the image from OCS and the battle-worn image mixed in his head. "What can I say, Da? I barely know her but…"

"She caught your attention the first time you met, are drawn for some inexplicable reason and you get tongue tied around her."

"Something like that." Kaidan let out a small laugh.

"I hate to say it, Kai, but you got it bad for her." The older Alenko rested his hands over his full stomach. "That is how I fell for your mother. It took me months to get the nerve to ask her to dinner. Now, I wasn't what you call a bumbling idiot with women!" He laughed, "But your mother, it was like kismet."

"Did she know you existed?" Kaidan asked, never hearing his father talk about the time he met his mother.

"Nope. I was a young naval officer that was an engineer, not command. I had nothing to offer her. She was cultured, sophisticated, and quite intelligent. What would you expect of a diplomat's daughter?" he laughed in good humor. "So, what is this woman like?"

"Oh," Kaidan pursed his lips, looking out toward the lake and the setting sun sparkling off the surface, the lighter dusky blue mixing with the golden-red of the sun. "her eyes is that dusky blue there in the sunset. When she's upset, it darkens to a real storm blue. She has grace in everything she does, whether in battle, walking, or grieving. And after nearly two years, I can't get her out of my head even though I know it's impossible to even get one date with her."

"Ah, Kaidan, your heart chooses for you who it wants to spend its life with and while it can take months or years, it will eventually lead you to her."

"Can I be that patient, Da?" Kaidan almost sounded like he was whining but he looked at his father.

The elder man looked back at his son in seriousness, the same serious look Kaidan had as his trademark. "Yes, you can. You were when at Gagarin before you couldn't take it anymore."

Kaidan's jaw tightened at the flash of memory of the powerful biotic kick he landed solidly on General Vyrnnus. And lovely, sweet Rahna, who was too frightened of him afterwards to look him straight in the eye. Taking a pull from the beer bottle, Kaidan set it down on the porch decking, "I just wonder if she is worth the wait, though. The last time I had talked with her, she told me to leave her alone."

"How?"

"How, what?"

"How did she tell you?"

"Uh….well, in an exhausted, numb way."

"Ah." The elder Alenko said.

"What?" Kaidan turned his gaze to his father.

"You should have watched the body language and paid closer attention to the tone of her voice, son, before thinking the parting had something to do with you. Your mother taught you better. Think on it."

He did that, thinking back on the Cairo a couple of years ago. Kaidan dissected the meeting after the Cairo was going to the rendezvous point with the Hastings and the extraction team was resting and….grieving….he smacked a palm to his forehead. "I've been stupid!"

"So, tell me, what happened?"

"It was after a mission to retrieve an officer from being held prisoner. The officer was a close friend of the young lieutenant. I had to restrain her from unleashing biotic hell in the cargo hold when he was shot dead." Kaidan remembered he was barely able to hold his stasis against Shepard's pushing.

"Ah, she's a biotic." The elder Alenko knew that his son would eventually let out more details about this woman that captured his attention.

"An adept, a strong one. After her friend was killed upon arriving back aboard the Cairo…you should have seen the rage and fury in the woman!"

"How close was she to this officer?"

Kaidan shrugged. "Oskarsson was in my OCS class and we graduated together. He also was a friend to her and training partner for the Special Forces. I don't know for sure if it was anything more intimate than friendship but I have a suspicion it was."

"Go on," Aidan prodded gently, listening to his son with his eyes closed.

"Well, I went to check on her after things had calmed down and she was there by his casket, slumped and lonely, grieving for Oskarsson. She had asked me to leave her alone and I did, thinking well, I would never see her again and any kind of friendship to end before ever starting. But what an idiot! She was exhausted and grieving. She didn't want any comfort or any company!" Kaidan's teeth pressed down hard until his jaw started to ache.

"My boy, sometimes people need to be left alone in order to grieve and pull themselves together. I'm sure that as it was her first mission, having the object of your mission die under your watch was a hard blow, on top of losing a close friend."

"Yeah, I just figured that out just now."

"Reminds me of a young man who reacted the same way in a similar situation." Aidan opened his eyes and looked sideways at his son.

Kaidan slumped a little further into his chair. "I also took a bit of offense at something she told me regarding my….behavior at the academy. The night before graduation, I met up with her and Oskarsson, having a couple of beers and then one of my migraines came on. She helped me to my room and got my medicine. I was a bit…forward with her, holding and caressing her hand. I had wanted to see her at the graduation and asked her if she was going to be there. I had apologized for that night when I spoke with her on the Cairo and well, she thought nothing of it."

Aidan chuckled softly. "You still have quite a bit to learn, my dear boy, about women. By her not giving a second thought to your unfortunate condition, she was doing you a service! She didn't want to embarrass you any further than you were by the incident. Seems like she knows men quite well and about their egos."

"Oh, god," Kaidan rumbled as the realization dawned in his head. "I am determined to make an ass out of myself when I'm around her."

"It gets better, son, when you and she matures and the time is right. So, am I to know who this woman is?" Aidan prompted.

"Um….Lieutenant Mira Shepard, Da."

Aidan let out a low whistle and shook his head. "The hero of the Skyllian Blitz? And quite the rising star amongst the Alliance officers, so I hear. Son, you have picked a real prize."

"Thanks, Da." Kaidan grumbled, not feeling any better.

Aidan sat up and leaned over to place a hand on his son's shoulder, "I mean it as a compliment. She is quite a woman and will be even more so as she matures more in her career. Military born and raised, and now a decorated war hero, so, I think you and she have quite a bit in common."

"It doesn't help that I'm nothing more than a blip on her radar. She does have that star career going for her which comes effortlessly to her! But when I saw the vid after the battle, Shepard looked so tired and I noticed how much she had spent physically to battle those pirates."

"Kaidan, Kaidan, you see beyond the soldier and hero to the woman and human being she is. Everyone else doesn't. So, if you can be patient and wait, it's worth it. Meanwhile, don't let Shepard distract you from your own career. After all, you have already gotten a couple of commendations."

"Maybe you are right, Da."

"I am. If the chance comes along in the future, be a friend first, Kaidan."

"Be honest and don't sugar coat the bad news." Kaidan repeated one his father's sayings.

"You are a level-headed man, Kaidan. Trust your instincts regarding people and have faith." Aidan gave Kaidan a squeeze on the shoulder and stood up, heading back into the cabin. Kaidan sat there long after the sun had set.

-/*\-

After the _Commanche_ had dropped her off at Earth, and there was an award ceremony giving her the Star of Terra, Mira was finally free to take some time off. Hackett had suggested a quite little place in Greece to spend some time. He had spent a few summers there when he was younger and thought she would like it. The first view of the sparkling azure sea took her breath away as she stood out on the balcony of her hotel room. The salty tang of the sea air filled her senses, something she rarely experienced, and it made her a little heady. Hackett had been right when he said the view was something to behold. While all the wonders of space and alien planets were interesting and fun to explore, old Earth still had beauty tucked away from the metropolis' that dotted the globe.

Leaving the doors open to the balcony so the sea breeze could blow through the room, Mira went over to her duffle lying at the foot of the large bed. It was more luxury than she was used to and she didn't know if sleeping in such a large bed was going to be easy. She was used to bunks and single built-ins on starships and space stations. As she started pulling out the clothes in her duffle, Mira realized she didn't have any suitable casual civilian clothes for the climate. There was her Alliance issue gym clothes, the ACU's and her heart hitched as the one dress she had was pulled out. The blue drapey material slid through her fingers. Garrett's graduation night was the last time she worn the cowled dress. Flashes of a handsome and dark haired man also flitted across her memories. Laying the dress aside, Mira sighed and decided it was time to do some shopping.

Then a box fell out onto the bed. The Star of Terra that Mira had stuffed into the bag laid there, proof of her heroism on Elysium. Her name was bantered about all through the news vids. Being at this secluded seaside Greek village, Mira was thankful to Hackett in getting her out of the spotlight for a while. Sudden fame was disconcerting and made her extremely uncomfortable. Shepard was a soldier, taking command when the line of command was no longer there. She did her job in keeping the civilians safe. It is what a Marine does. So, why all the fuss over her and calling her hero of the Skyllian Blitz? She had to stop watching the vids as her history was told repeatedly, espousing the life of Shepard and how she came to be the soldier she was today.

Opening the medal's box, Shepard looked down at the star shaped medal on the blue and white ribbon. It was the Alliance's highest honor and at the age of twenty-two, Lieutenant Shepard was the youngest Marine to have earned it. Snapping the box closed, Mira tossed it back onto the bed and headed out of her room to do some shopping.

Shopping for one's self was harder than it seemed! As Mira looked over the racks of linen shirts and light skirts, then swimwear that ranged from sleek one pieces to skimpy two-piece sets, her head began to swim. Holding up one bleached linen shirt with some white-on-white embroidery, Mira looked at the floor length mirror on the wall.

"It is a good choice for you." A masculine, accented voice spoke at her left. A dark, olive skinned and tall man, with thick dark wavy hair, stood lazily to the side, tapping a pair of sunglasses at his lips. What caught Mira's attention on the Greek man were the clear sea-green eyes against the dark tanned face. "It is cool for the warm days of summer and well, it goes well with your coloring." He smiled at Mira, teeth white and even in the generous mouth.

"I thought white went with everyone's coloring?" Mira asked, enjoying the easy sight of the man on her eyes.

"Ah, not so! If you had fairer skin, the white would wash you out even more. But you," he watched Mira with interest. "You have a golden complexion and gold-red highlights threading through that rich brown hair. White's are best suited for you."

"You seem to know quite a bit about women's coloring and clothes." Mira's mouth quirked lopsidedly in a grin.

"Well, not meaning to boast but this is my store. I make it my business to know what will make the customer happy. You, by far, I would love to help you as you seem …overwhelmed?" he haphazard a guess.

"To be honest," Mira sighed, "I am. I'm on leave and well, coming to Greece was a last minute thing and I didn't come prepared."

The man grinned as he stepped forward, "Ah, Alliance military and judging by your bearing….Marine?"

"Yes," Mira jerked in reaction.

"I'm Stavros." He introduced himself, taking Mira's hand in his and kissing the knuckles lightly in an old-fashioned way. "Pleased to meet you…"

"Mira." She replied, blushing slightly at the old-fashioned gesture.

"Mira…an Indian name, meaning prosperous. And by going by certain news vids, you have been." The man's eyes sparkled with playful mischief.

"Oh no," she moaned, "I've tried to keep away from anyone knowing who I am."

Stavros chuckled a lovely rich sound that sent shivers down Mira's back.

"Don't worry, Mira, I will not tell on you. I understand the need to get away from the press. I understand the need to get away from the press. You have come to the right place then. Come, let us see what I have in stock for the young hero who wants to be a woman, not a soldier, for the short time she is here."

Mira smiled at Stavros, as he hit the nail on the head for why she was here.

After two hours of going over various shirts, dresses, shorts, and pants, Mira had to put a stop to the growing pile. If there were any more added, she wouldn't have fit it into her duffle. Stavros had a keen sense of customer service and for female clothing. He picked out articles that were casual and sensible, not ostentatious. The added comfort to the cut and material was a plus in Mira's books as she stood at the mirror, looking at the reflection of the changed woman. The white embroidered linen shirt she initially picked up was cool and loose but didn't make her look formless. The gored sides added enough form and slight curve to enhance her slim, athletic curves. It also brought out the golden tones of her skin, accentuating the faint freckles across the bridge of her nose. Canvas cargo shorts topped off the casual outfit, showing the long legs of the soldier. Stavros had to hide his own appreciative grin behind his hand as he watched Mira.

Despite the futuristic day of the 22nd century, the far-flung places on Earth still tailored to the more sensible tastes for the particular environment. It was a clash of the old and new but in the older nations, the old stayed around. It has only been a little over forty years that the first Prothean artifacts were found on Mars, paving the way for the sudden expansion of the human race into space.

Stavros cleared his throat to break Mira from her reverie of history. "I hope I am not being too bold but did you have plans for the evening?"

The woman blinked and turned to look at the darkly handsome storekeeper. "Um….I hadn't…no, I didn't." Mira stammered a little.

"Would you like to go out to dinner? I know this restaurant down in the square that serves the best spanokopita, still made the old way."

"Do you realize how much that dinner is going to cost?" Mira asked a little warily. "I'm a soldier but also…" she paused as in a lot of areas, biotics were still met with some wariness and fear. "a biotic. My metabolism could be a serious dent in your wallet."

The man waved his hand negligently, as if what she said didn't bother him. "I don't care. I happen to know the family who owns the place. They are my cousins, so don't worry about breaking the bank. I just thought it would be lovely to have dinner with a beautiful and enticing woman." His smiled widened warmly. Mira could also detect a little bit of guardedness against refusal.

"Well, okay." She answered. "I am here to enjoy my leave and haven't made much in the way of plans for what to do with my two weeks."

"Then I will help you enjoy your two weeks, Mira. There is a lot to do and see around here and I will be your personal guide." Stavros gave her bow at his waist, then a wink as he stood up. "Let me close up the shop and we will go."

"I should change…" Mira started to protest.

"It's a family atmosphere, so what you are wearing is fine."


	5. Chapter 5

Authors Note: Time for a bit of action! Both Kaidan's and Shepard's experienced are represented. This will be the way through the whole telling of the story. These are a bit long in the chapters but can't help it and that is why they are taking a while to finish before posting. :D

Chapter 5

August 2176

Soft breathing tickled at her neck as her eyes slowly opened. A heavy arm was laid possessively over her body while they slept. Mira blinked, a smile playing across her face. It was a good leave and Stavros proved to be an excellent guide. They actually shared a lot of interests in common and one of them was hiking. He took on one rough trail hike nearby where a hidden cove was. The booming sounds of water pushing against the rocks echoed in the place but with the raw power of the sea going to and from in the cove, Mira found it peaceful. For a man nearing his forties, Stavros was quite active and fit, and had an exuberant and outgoing personality. It was distinctly at odds with her guarded reserve. But the past two weeks, Stavros brought her out of that reserve, actually getting Mira to be spontaneous with singing and dancing down the streets of the village with him during a mid-summer celebration.

After the first week, he had taken her out to a private dinner on one of the beaches, a table was set, torches blazed, and a feast laid out of the local cuisine. She had never eaten so much in her life as she had on this leave. But the dessert from that night was what made her blush.

-flashback—

_Mira sat back in the chair, sighing contentedly. All the food was wonderful and she realized that going back to Alliance rations wasn't appealing. "You are going to pack these up in something and send them to me on my next assignment." Mira joked wistfully._

"_You'll make the crew jealous." Stavros laughed throatily, his sea-green eyes watching her across the table. He took a sip of wine and leaned forward, picking up a small square of a flaky pastry, dripping with honey. Holding the pastry in his fingers, Stavros brought it to Mira's mouth, which she opened to take a bite. Flakes and honey crumbled around his fingers. In an act of boldness that was unlike her, she licked and sucked the honey off of Stavros's fingers. His eyes widened in pleasant surprise and took her face into his hand pulling her into a kiss._

_It wasn't long when the kiss deepened from rising lust and had Mira getting up from the table with Stavros pulling her to him. The sand of the beach however had them lose balance and fall backwards on their backs, Mira landing on top of the dark man. A laugh couldn't be helped as it escaped from her throat as she rested her forehead against Stavros's. He joined in, his deep baritone voice rumbling in his chest. Grabbing the sides of her face, finger entwining in Mira's hair, he looked at her, eyes soft with want._

"_Ah, to be twenty again," he spoke throatily, smiling at the woman on his chest._

"_You seem to be doing quite well without being twenty," Mira gave a little snort._

"_Yes, I do well enough but…to be passionate with a young and fiery woman, it has been a while."_

"_The same with me." A sad look passed briefly across her eyes but it didn't miss Stavros's attention as his thumb caressed at her cheek. He reached up from his prone positions and kissed Mira tenderly._

"_I would love to spend the night with you, Mira, but I am going to be a gentleman and just walk you back to the hotel to say good night."_

_Mira nodded and rolled off of him and stood up, offering a hand to the taller man. Once up, Stavros brushed the sand off his pants and shirt, leaned over the to blow out the candles. Holding an arm out to Mira, the pair turned to head back into town and to the hotel Mira was staying at._

How things had changed in a week from that dinner. A soft mumble at her shoulder had her look back to the tousled head of Stavros. Asleep, the man looked like a young man, the fine lines around his eyes smoothed away and the tousled dark brown hair adding a boyish charm. Too bad she had to head back today, to whatever her next assignment was. This was a onetime thing for Mira and it was back to being soldier and keeping everything in check.

Stavros was surprised at first when in the height of their passion last night, some of the control she held for the dark energy leaked out and caressed along his skin with her own hands. Mira had to quickly tighten the control but the man surprised her yet again, asking her to relax and just let it happen. It didn't hurt him and was actually quite erotic.

She flexed her fingers out, not feeling any residual static and smiled. Mira started to slowly pull herself out of the bed and from under Stavros's arm, when she felt it tighten around her waist and pull her back against his chest. The mouth that caressed the skin at the base of her neck sent shivers down her spine, letting her know that Stavros was awake and had been for a little while.

"You've got some time," he rumbled softly, his lips trailing down her shoulder. Stavros reached up to Mira's face and turned to capture her mouth. His hands and mouth were doing wonderful things and Mira relented to stay a while longer, her body craving for the man's attention.

-/*\-

"Welcome back, Lieutenant!" a chipper greeting from the captain's yeoman said to Kaidan as he boarded the Cairo. Kaidan smiled back at the young woman, appreciating the greeting. Stepping onto the deck of the ship was like a homecoming after having a vacation. The work crews were gone and the regular crew where busy at their stations, getting the ship ready for launch. After the two weeks of leave in Vancouver with his father, Kaidan was relaxed and felt like a new man. His father and being out in the wild helped heal a lot of scarred over wounds but also to get his head straight. Putting thoughts of Shepard aside, Kaidan focused on what he was going to do and where he was going to go in his career.

The Cairo had a new assignment and was ready to go. Kaidan headed down to his locker to put his stuff away. Sam met him halfway, meeting stride for stride of his long legs. He looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

"So, LT, how was leave?"

"Fine."

"Good. Meet anyone?"

Kaidan kept walking but his eyes widened slightly. "Um…no. Was I supposed to?"

"Hmmm, well, rumor was the hero of the Blitz was on Earth, enjoying leave somewhere in the Med."

"Oh? So Shepard was on Earth. Why is that important?" Kaidan sounded a little cautious as to where Sam was going with this conversation.

"You didn't tell anyone where you were going for leave, LT. So…" the woman had a lascivious grin on her face now.

Kaidan shook his head, now knowing what was going on. The only person, who knew where he went, was the captain. Somehow, tongues were wagging that maybe he met up with Shepard and had some sort of rendezvous. "Sam, I was on the other side of Earth from the Med." He told her without the exasperation he felt. "With my father."

The crestfallen look on Sam's face almost had Kaidan regret crushing Sam's little romantic idea but he didn't believe in lying to anyone. Keeping things that weren't anyone's business was another matter, but not lying about something that isn't true because of some rumor going around otherwise. "I just thought that you knew her, and all, that you would hook up and well,….you know."

"I'm sorry to disappoint, Sam. I really don't know Shepard that well and I am not going to intrude on her leave time."

"You can be too much of a gentleman, Alenko." Sam sighed but smiled. "Any news about the new mission?" she switched the topic away from Shepard, much to Kaidan's relief.

"Not yet but I'm sure we will be briefed once we undock. I hope it isn't another Terra Firma assignment." He rolled his eyes.

"I don't think so. Some of the scuttlebutt is that there is a retaliatory strike in the works against the Batarians and pirates that hit Elysium. Or at least something. With them attacking Elysium, the political fallout is huge right now. The Brass is keeping tight lipped about what is going on. Though, this is fact, we are going to be picking up Commander Anderson at Arcturus."

"Really?" Kaidan was surprised. "Why is that?"

"Special assignment for Hackett. Again, things are rather hush-hush until the Captain debriefs us."

"You know, the timing for all these things happening seem a bit odd." Kaidan wondered out loud.

"Hmm, I don't know about that. The election for the new Ambassador to the Council is happening right now and of course, anything to help gain humans a greater role will be used. The Council was upset about the raid on Elysium and so far has offered some recompense for damages."

"I heard that, though not without some loud disagreement from other Council races, among them, the turians being the loudest voice." Kaidan mused.

As they walked onto the crew deck, Kaidan left Sam and went to stow his stuff. The political climate was definitely heating up with two contenders for the retiring Ambassador seat to the Council. Donall Udina was the lead so far but only by a narrow percentage. From what Kaidan saw on the newsvid, he didn't like the man. Udina seemed an ambitious and self-serving bureaucrat. While the man claimed to all for advancing the human's position among the Council races, he had hidden motives. It was known that Udina had no love for the Alliance military. Kaidan didn't know if Shepard was aware of the news while on leave but Udina was taking advantage of her hero status in order to push the human agenda to the Council.

"Alenko!" Young, the senior enlisted aboard the Cairo, called out to Kaidan, breaking his train of thought about the changing political scene. "Captain wants to see you in CIC, ASAP!"

"On my way!" Kaidan replied back. His pace quickened as he headed back to CIC.

-/*\-

Hackett met Mira at the terminal at Gagarin Station, standing tall and impressive, though his average features made him easily forgettable to most people. However, the command presence he exuded demanded respect from soldiers. Mira snapped to a sharp salute when she stepped in front of him. He returned the salute and grabbed her duffle.

"Sir, you don't have…" she protested.

"Let an old man have the honor, Shepard. I need you to read this while we walk to the ship." He handed her a data pad.

Mira thumbed on the data pad and started reading the encrypted files. The information contained within was on a shadow cell within the Alliance, code named 'Cerberus'. The missions that Cerberus were did were black ops and only the top officials in the Alliance brass knew about the splinter cell group. Her eyes darted to Hackett, questioning to why she was reading about this, as it was above her clearance.

"You have clearance, Lieutenant, as of yesterday." Hackett answered the unspoken question.

She continued reading the file and her eyes steadily grew. This wasn't everything and several things were deleted, Mira could tell. But it troubled her that this black ops group had cut off communication and ties with the Alliance. Last report from Cerberus was dated a month ago, before the attack on Elysium. "Is this claiming the splinter cell went AWOL?"

"Worse. They deserted, along with all intelligence they gathered and a large shipment of weapons and armor." Hackett's face hardened. "A group of men and women we thought beyond bribing, suddenly turned on the Alliance."

"They were all special forces trained?"

"Yes."

They turned down a sparsely populated docking area on the station, where a pair of Alliance marines stood guard at a gangway. "We are going to go after a pair of the officers from that group, Shepard. Normally admirals wouldn't get involved with the front line fighting but this is….personal." Hackett turned to look at Mira, face unreadable but his eyes were hard with anger and betrayal. "I need the best of my N7 operatives on this with me, Shepard."

"What of Commander Anderson?" Mira asked.

"He's on another assignment of mine, with help of the Cairo. So, the next best N7 there is, is you. This isn't going to be an easy mission and will take some time. I have a lead on where to find these officers but it is old."

"Where do we go first?"

"Noveria." With nothing more said, he turned, taking Mira's duffle and headed to the gangway of the ship that was going to take them on their mission. Mira was surprised to be doing a mission with the admiral but she was determined to not to let him down. He had warned her to enjoy her leave because the next mission was going to difficult.

That was all part of her life and career, one trial after another. Mira lost a close friend and lover at the start of her career, which hardened her to keep control of her emotions in such a situation. The fling on her leave was only something to be enjoyed for a brief time. While she enjoyed Stavros's company and the time they spent in the hotel and away from it, the man knew that Shepard was a soldier first. He had wished her well in her life and told her to remember being a woman, for she had such passion for love and life, that one day a man will deserve it and her.

Now, her career was taking on the trial of her faith of humankind and aliens. Little did she know that this was a start to a long association with the rogue group. She sped up her steps to keep up with Hackett's long strides, following the admiral onto the SSV Hastings, his flagship of the 5th Fleet. Instead of a sleeping pod being assigned to her, Hackett showed her to a small cabin with two bunks in it, laying her duffle by one of the lockers.

"You'll be sharing the cabin with the XO, as you will be the second officer now." Hackett gave her a small grin.

"Second officer?" Mira blinked in surprise. It seemed sudden to be promoted to the third officer to take command of the ship if something happened to Hackett or to the XO. She wasn't sure that it was deserved, much less that she was ready to take on any command responsibilities for a whole ship crew. Commanding a squad was one thing, you had only three other people to worry about.

"If I didn't think you could handle it, you wouldn't be here, Lieutenant. But you have shown you could command and handle troops in a time of crisis. Get yourself settled in and afterwards, Commander Troika will show you around before the briefing."

"Aye, sir." Mira saluted as Hackett let her be in the cabin. Looking around, Mira took in the standard narrow bunks, the small desk next to the bunk, and the two lockers. It was sparse but some personal touches were added by the XO, such as personal pictures of friends or family. She opened her duffle and pulled out her uniforms to put into the locker. The civilian clothes she bought on leave remained neatly folded at the bottom and placed in the back of the locker. "Well, Shepard, you are part of command now."

The young Lieutenant walked out and went to find Commander Troika, the Hastings XO.

-/*\-

Wiping at his forehead, Kaidan narrowed his eyes at the door panel in front of him. This lock was taking longer to hack than normal. What looked like a standard galactic lock was modified. His omnitool was showing redundant pathways that would lead one to believe it would open if they were illegally accessing it. Those pathways were triggered with alarm protections and Kaidan made sure to avoid those, or else the squad would be detected.

"How's it going, Alenko?" Anderson said softly.

"Taking longer than I like. Lot of misleading pathways to make this an easy hack, sir." Kaidan felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder and went back to bypassing the last circuit. Holding his breath, the omnitool blinked red and then turned green as the lock accepted the bypass. His shoulders visibly slumped in relief once the doors opened into the office. Covert ops was nerve wracking, Kaidan realized but the thrill of the challenges involved made up for the nerves. His skills were always put to the test and when he thought that something wasn't going to take in a hack or decryption, things tended to work out right and got his team through to the next part of the mission.

This mission was no different as his squad, with Anderson, was infiltrating a pirate base on some backwater world. Intel had it that this belonged to one of the groups that joined in the attack on Elysium, the man leading it was named Elanos Haliat. Right now, their team had a narrow window for infiltrating the offices and getting information regarding all that were involved with the Skyllian Verge attack. With Kaidan's help, the pirates that were at the base were off chasing signal ghosts a few kilometers away. Glancing down at his omnitool, Kaidan saw that they had another twenty minutes before they had to pull out.

Anderson walked through the door, motioning to the other two marines to flank on either side, scanning the office for hostiles. Kaidan followed quickly, shutting the door quietly behind them and scanned the office. Nodding his head to Anderson as it was clear, he quickly walked to the large desk in the center of the room and tapped into the console. Kaidan set his worm program to extract relevant files they needed and had them downloaded to his omnitool. It took a couple minutes in all to get a terabyte of data transferred. Once done, Kaidan signaled to Anderson that he was done. Taking out his pistol, Kaidan joined the squad as they made their way back out of the bunker.

You always hope that a mission would go to plan and the return trip would be smooth but as is the case, nothing ever goes smoothly. The squad had to immediately run to cover upon exiting the bunker as the pirates they sent off on a goose chase had returned earlier than planned. Kaidan's biotics flared to life as he threw a toss at a small group flanking around to Anderson. Two of the three pirates were thrown back a couple hundred feet, to land dazed or unconscious. Kaidan could have put more force into the toss but he always restrained his biotics so to not kill anyone. Partly it was because he believed in life but he was afraid at what would be unleashed if he didn't hold back. And he was afraid that it would send him to the eventual downward spiral most L2's experienced.

A blue flash as a bullet hit his kinetic shield made Kaidan unleash another toss. Another pirate popped up with a grenade launcher, to which he used his omnitool and set the overload sequence. Anderson silently thanked him and popped up to release a rapid five burst round at two other pirates. The squad retreated from cover and moved, firing back as they hopped from cover to cover as they left the small compound. Kaidan reached the squads MAKO and piled in, getting behind the wheel, firing up the vehicle for a fast getaway. Sam climbed in, the loud firing of her rifle echoing in the enclosed space. Young climbed in next, taking the seat next to Kaidan in the front, flipping down the firing console for the cannon. Anderson was the last to make it in the MAKO, closing the door and taking a seat as Kaidan put his foot down on the accelerator.

When the MAKO steadied from the initial acceleration, Young fired the cannon on the pursuing pirates. Anderson called to the Cairo for an extraction. Kaidan's focus was on getting the MAKO through the compound and out to the hills away from the enemy. The ride was bumpy and shifted everyone around roughly as the vehicle swerved and bounced. It wasn't long before the looming shape of the Cairo came down, cargo ramp open. Punching the thrusters, Kaidan aimed the MAKO to the ramp and landed it. His foot came down on the brake before the MAKO went through the bulkhead on the other head.

The cargo doors closed and before the squad made it out, the Cairo left the planet and red-shifted out of the system.

"Damn, Alenko!" Young glared at the lieutenant and then grinned widely. "Could you park a little closer to the bulkhead?"

"I could, if you wanted me to." Kaidan grinned back and started unbuckling from the seat restraints.

-/*\-

The Hastings arrived at Noveria with little problems but getting clearance to land was problematic. Hackett was perturbed but the only sign showing was his clenching and unclenching of his hand behind his back. Their mission objective was on the planet but since it was run by corporations, there was more red tape than a government department back on Earth. Mira looked at the XO with a question, who just shrugged at her. Already the first week aboard the ship had been an adventure in itself. The crew greeted Shepard with a bit of awe and openly talked with her. It was nearly embarrassing to Mira but she suffered through the praises, smiling when it was acceptable and retold the ground battle of Elysium during mess hours.

Hackett had told her in a private briefing that this was a two person mission down to the planet. He was going with her, which she had protested in putting a high ranking officer on the front line. He noted her protested but still said he was going. No one on Noveria would know who he was, and when they did make it down, he would only be her squadmate, in which he would be referring to her. Mira was commanding the mission, Hackett was there to find the rogue Cerberus agents. She didn't like the plan but Mira didn't think Hackett would have gone if he didn't think the odds were against them.

"Hastings, you have clearance. Sending docking coordinates now." The controller spoke finally, sending the coordinates to the pilot.

"About time." Hackett muttered quietly. "Shepard, get prepared. Once the dock is finished, we are going."

Mira nodded and headed down to the crew deck to gather her armor and weapons. She had most of the gear ready but double-checking things was a good practice to get into when expecting combat. As she reached her locker, Mira pulled out the specially-made N7 Onyx armor. It was light and flexible and provided a built-in kinetic barrier and medigel delivery system. One thing it did was provide the needed flexibility Mira needed for her biotics. She stripped down to her undergarments and worked herself into the armor suit. Her hand ran over the arm with the indicative red stripe of the N7 Special Forces. To Mira, it seemed like yesterday when she was given the armor and the designation. But, she had proved herself time and time again why she was Special Forces. Elysium topped it all to date but Mira was still a tough and determined officer.

Grabbing her pistol, Mira checked the clip and the chamber before attaching it to her hip slot. Striding out of the crew deck, Mira headed back to CIC to meet up with Hackett. Mira's walk was confident, determined, and held a presence that everyone took notice of. She moved around the crew, excusing herself at the same time and reached the docking port for the Hastings. Hackett was geared up in regular enlisted class armor, assault rifle latched on his back and pistol at his hip. He gave her a nod as they walked through the hatch and to the docks of Noveria. The blast of cold air hit Mira and made her suck in her breath. The armor adjusted for the cold but still the bite of ice in her lungs took her by surprise. Even Hackett gave a little shiver, and then hitched his shoulders back. He waited for her to take the lead to head to the customs desk. Straightening her own shoulders and settling the aura of command around her, Mira stepped forward and strode down the dock to the administration building.

The warehouse was cold, her breath pluming in the air. They had their quarry pinned into a corner. Already, one agent was down and wasn't going to be raising any alarms. Mira felt a little bit of regret in having snapped his neck with that throw but there was no other choice. The mission had to get done, any way possible. Hackett assured her that the man wasn't the true target, the woman was. He was fervent in wanting to take the woman alive and this brought out Mira's curiosity as to why Hackett wanted her so badly. He acted like a man with vengeance in his heart.

"You have nowhere to go!" Mira shouted out to the Cerberus agent.

"To hell with you!" A spray of bullets flew toward her position. Hackett cursed under his breath from the other side of the aisle of crates.

He stood up and walked out in the open. "Jennifer!"

The firing stopped and Mira paused as the admiral called out the agent's name. Mira knew instantly that this was personal but waited to see what the connection was between the admiral and the rogue agent.

"Oh, god, why you?" the woman swore. "I can understand that N7 bitch, but you, dad?"

Dad? Mira's heart stopped. They were going after Hackett's daughter? She never knew he had a family! Turning her head around the corner, she saw the woman they were after stand slowly up, gun pointed right at Hackett's chest. Looking closely, Mira could see familiar aspects to her that was reminiscent of the admiral. She was above average in looks but played on the unremarkable looks by keeping the long hair in a tight chignon and wearing no makeup. If the woman didn't look so severe, she might actually be pretty.

"Jennifer, you know why I came." Hackett's soft voice traveled in the cold warehouse. "Did you think I would let you continue with….this?" His hands spread out around him. "I can't have my own…DAUGHTER… a part of this hate group!" Hackett's soft voice rose in anger.

"Hate group?" Jennifer gave a bark of laughter. "The Alliance trained me to kill our enemies! If the enemy is own, am I to kill them too because I have to keep the peace in the galaxy,…all because of the Council's say so? We haven't needed them before!" The woman shouted at her father. "How can you work with them! Especially after they killed mother!"

"The Council did not kill her." His voice grew cold. "If you need someone to blame, take your anger out on those pirates!"

"Who are aliens? They want to see humanity fail, turn us back to Earth and not progress to be a contender in the galaxy." Jennifer spat.

Hackett shook his head. This was the same old argument he always had with her and now, his own flesh and blood was dedicated to the pro-human leanings of Cerberus. "I should have been there for you, Jennifer." He said regretfully.

"Well, you weren't. The Alliance was more important, father." Jennifer spoke bitterly, the gun still pointed at Hackett's chest, unwaveringly. "Where does that leave us now? You know I will not go with you alive and I will shoot you first."

Mira held her breath, her focus narrowing on the standoff. Her body flare blue from dark energy, ready to snap out a throw when the need came. The life of the admiral was hers, this mission was under her command. She peeked around the corner again, lining the shot with Jennifer in her sight and mind. It was tricky when it came to a personal situation in knowing what to do. But Mira's job was to protect the admiral above the mission objective. Hackett shook his head regretfully and that is when Mira saw Jennifer's hand tighten on the pistol. What seemed like eternity, the wave of biotic energy shot forward to the woman, throwing her off her feet but not before the pistol flared to life and the projectile shot out toward Hackett. He blinked a moment before collapsing to the ground.

Coming out from the crates, Mira stepped forward, her pistol out in front, surveying where the Cerberus agent was thrown. The woman was knocked back into the heavy crates behind her, her neck at an odd angle. Frowning, Mira shook her head and turned her attention to Admiral Hackett. Bringing out her omnitool, Mira check over him, breathing a little easier to see that the bullet hit his left shoulder, missing the heart. "Admiral, we will get you out of here." Mira said softly.

"Jennifer…" he rasped.

Shaking her head sadly, "She's dead, sir."

He closed his eyes and sighed and then groaned in pain. "There was no other choice, Shepard."

"No, sir." Mira called for an extraction team to the warehouse and a medic.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

November, 2181

Her hands shook from exhaustion. Lining up her sights one more time, Mira let two shots off of her pistol into the enemy's body. The man was jerked off his feet by the force of the heavy pistol shot in his chest. The N7 Special Forces officer ran to the end of the building and took cover. Time was running out and Mira needed to make it to the extraction point. Thankfully, she was the only one on this mission but Hackett stressed the importance of it for picking up the ancient relic. What wasn't expected was the heavy resistance.

Mira was dropped off at this planet that had a mercenary base on it. The Blue Suns had recovered a Prothean artifact . The Council and the Alliance stressed to her that this artifact needed retrieving, as it was stolen from a transport heading to the Citadel. It was small, a data disk but the mercenaries hit the transport just to get the artifact, which in itself, was odd. Mercs worked for others, and the contractor was unknown. Hackett suspected Cerberus but that was his opinion. The past year had increasingly seeing Mira on more solo N7 missions than actual assignment to a squad. With rebellions and attacks happening more, the 5th Fleet was stretched thin in Alliance and Council space. But this was her last mission for Hackett, he promised her a regular assignment to take a break off of the breakneck pace of her missions.

She had been pushed and tested to where Mira thought she was going to snap. She only had to think of Garrett and she would press on harder. By Alliance standards, Mira proved to be an excellent soldier and received many decorations for her efforts. Other Alliance soldiers would greet her warmly and would give her applause. She took this all in stride but cringed inwardly at the undue attention. In a few short months, Mira was going to be turning twenty-nine. The past few years had passed by so quickly, that age slipped past her notice.

A bullet by her head brought her focus back to getting out of the base compound.

"Commander Shepard, report in!" a voice spoke in her earpiece.

That was still taking getting used to. Her rise to Lieutenant Commander was recent, only two weeks ago had she received the promotion. Touching the earpiece to talk to her ride, Mira replied, "Shepard here."

"We got you on scope, Commander. LZ is two clicks from your present position. ETA is twenty minutes for extraction."

"Got it! Who's my ride?" Mira asked.

"This is the Cairo." The pilot spoke with pride in his voice. "We picked the short straw but we are pleased to be your ride, Commander."

More gunfire haled from across the compound and she tossed a weakened warp field. "I'll be at the LZ, Cairo but be prepared for a fight!" Mira gritted her teeth, willing her exhaustion away and give another burst of adrenaline.

"Roger, Commander! We will have someone there to cover you!"

Looking back over her shoulder, Mira gritted her teeth and made a mad dash out of the compound, the Prothean disk safe in her armor. There was no time to waste on shooting, for one, she was running low on clips and another, there was a two kilometer run to the landing zone.

Clipping the pistol on her hip, Mira's attention concentrated on her legs and breathing, making the run last as long as she could. Looking up, she could see the heat of entry reflecting off the Cairo. The sonic boom sounded overhead and the whine of her engines was soon heard. Mira struggled up the incline of a hill, her legs starting to tremble from overuse and lactic acid building up in the muscles. 'Keep going, Shepard! Almost there!'

The shouts of the Blue Sun mercenaries could be heard behind her in the distance. Inhaling, Mira pushed herself forward. At the top of the hill, the welcome sight of the Alliance frigate greeted her, cargo ramp open and a squad of marines piling out. A flare of blue could be made out among the marines. Smiling, she brushed her hair behind her ears and used the downhill momentum to speed up her run. Her legs stumbled at the bottom of the hill, forcing her to roll a few feet and onto her back. The Cairo was still a few hundred feet but her energy levels were depleted. The world blackened around the edges of her vision. The pinging of bullets close by couldn't rouse Mira to even crawl.

"Alenko! Grab the Commander! Jenkins, cover fire!"

"Got it, Commander!"

Mira knew that voice! A smile tugged at her mouth and she tried to roll over in her armor. Anderson was here! A flicker of a barrier surrounded her and strong arms picked her up and threw her body over a shoulder. She was too exhausted to protest the fireman's carry. The marine carrying her ran up the ramp, holding her firmly so she didn't bounce too much. All that Mira could hear was the gun battle blazing and the whine of mechanics as the cargo ramp closed on the Cairo.

The marine gently rolled her off his shoulder and laid her exhausted body to the deck. His face swam in her vision. Handsome, she thought, and those soft brown eyes. Mira blinked, trying to sharpen her focus but couldn't. Something was placed in her hand, as the marine helped her sit up. "Eat this, it will help." His sexy, rasp of a voice filled her ears.

Lifting the protein bar to her lips, Mira took a small bite and chewed. The packed bar of protein and vitamins instantly stilled the gnawing in her stomach. Her shaking hands lessened as Mira continue to finish the special protein bar meant for biotics. "Thanks," she croaked out to the marine.

He gave a small, lopsided smile and moved aside as Anderson knelt beside her on the deck. "Been a long time, Shepard." He grinned happily at her.

"Glad to see you, Commander."

"Good thing we were in the neighborhood to pick you up. Hackett just sent off the call to us two hours ago. Your mission was a success?"

Patting at her chestplate, where the Prothean disk was, Mira grinned. "Yes it was. Whoever hired those mercs is going to be pissed."

"They shouldn't have tangled with an Alliance transport." Anderson chuckled and reached down a hand to Mira. "Let's get you something to eat and cleaned up. We are heading back to Arcturus even as we speak."

Clasping his hand, Mira stood up with Anderson's help. Now that her vision didn't swim, she looked over to the marine that helped her on the Cairo. He was definitely handsome and seemed familiar. His gaze on her was straightforward but something else was in those dark eyes that sent a shiver down her spine. Not a creepy shiver but like someone was looking deep in her soul, seeing her naked. Nodding to him, Mira was escorted away and up to the mess.

-/*\-

After Shepard was gone, Kaidan let himself release the breath he was holding. He hadn't seen her in over six years and the force of personality that she was today blew him away. His heart beat against his chest hard and a strong attraction flared up in his body like never before. Sure, Kaidan heard Shepard's name now and then on the newsvid but seeing her face to face again was transporting him back to the academy days. However, this wasn't the same Shepard from then. This Shepard was a battle-hardened veteran soldier. The ozone scent coming off of her spoke of the amount of biotic power the woman channeled, which must have been tremendous because the woman was spent, shaking, and fading dangerously close to unconsciousness.

While exhausted as she was, Kaidan glimpsed at what Shepard hid behind the soldier mask. Her smile was soft and generous. Shaking his head, Kaidan left the cargo bay to get out of his armor. Jenkins joined him, grinning madly from excitement.

"Can you believe it? The hero of Elysium here! And I got to cover for her!"

The young man was fresh out of boot camp and anxious to see battle. For some reason, Jenkins took to Kaidan when he arrived aboard the ship. Kaidan didn't mind him at all, enjoying the refreshing viewpoint of idealistic youth. He never got to enjoy his youth, so took in the young man under his wing.

"Oh, Lieutenant, I almost forgot!" Jenkins snapped to and looked at him. "Happy birthday!"

Kaidan blinked and then shook his head. He did forget about his birthday. He felt old now being thirty-one. Sighing, he gave a half-grin to Jenkins, "Thanks, Jenkins, I really didn't need the reminder of getting old."

"You, old?" Jenkins laughed. "Experienced, yeah, but not old. Man, that Shepard, she's something else?" Just like that, Jenkins went back to their original conversation.

"Yeah, she's something." Kaidan remembered when he first met her like it was only yesterday.

The two marines reached their lockers and took off their armor and packed the weapons away. After Kaidan tucked his the shirt, he left Jenkins to go grab a cup of coffee. It wasn't the best coffee but it was strong and right now, he needed that. Anderson was at the mess table, drinking a cup himself, but Shepard was nowhere in sight.

"May I have a seat, Commander?" Kaidan asked politely.

Anderson nodded and took a drink. "It seems to be a habit of yours coming to Shepard's rescue, Lieutenant."

"We do wind up being there at the right time and place, sir." Kaidan couldn't help but smile.

"Indeed. Give me your opinion on the Commander, Alenko. What do you think of her?"

"Personally or as a soldier? I don't know her personally, so I can't form an opinion."

"Oh I think you can. Sometimes first impressions and instinct can be lasting on a man."

"Well," Kaidan thought about what to say for a moment, "she's dedicated and loyal. A natural charisma that makes you want to like and follow her. Though," Kaidan took a drink of coffee and winced at the bitterness. "from the couple of times I've been there, she tends to keep at a distance from others."

The commander nodded, agreeing with Kaidan. "My impression, too. She is a great soldier but while keeping her personal self at a distance is an advantage for some of the missions she has had to do, I wonder if it won't be her downfall, where she is going to have to let someone in and trust them to help her."

"Why do you ask?"

"I wanted an honest opinion. Don't get me wrong, I like her and working with her is something special. She just doesn't let anyone in easily."

"Maybe it has to do with growing up in a military family. Many military brats are rather wary of forming any permanent relationships." Kaidan threw out. "Where is she? I don't want her to walk in our conversation."

Anderson chuckled, "Nah, she ate and then crawled off to a bunk. She had been on that planet for over twenty hours with little rest. I don't know what Admiral Hackett was thinking of, not sending a backup with her. Blue Suns are not to be trifled with lightly."

"He must have had his reasons." Kaidan shrugged.

"Hackett is…unpredictable." Anderson said cautiously. "Good job again, Lieutenant." The man finished his coffee and got up to leave.

Thinking over the conversation that just happened, Kaidan was curious as to why Anderson wanted his opinion of Shepard. First impressions were the ones that always lasted and well, he wasn't going to tell the Commander that he thought of her eyes or lips, and those long legs. He had to bite his cheek to stop going down that direction.

A soft footstep sounded behind Kaidan, making him turn his head to the side. Shepard shuffled over to the coffee pot and poured half a cup before coming to the table, sitting down where Anderson was sitting. He watched her, exhausted and eyes dull and pinched from what he could guess was a headache from over exertion of the biotics. Shepard looked up, noticing him for the first time since sitting down. He felt a little self-conscious as she stared into his eyes but he didn't look away.

"I know you." She spoke, exhaustion plain in her throaty voice.

"Maybe." Kaidan replied vaguely. He didn't expect her to remember that they had met but he wasn't going to remind her if she did.

Squinting her eyes, Shepard's blue eyes continued to look over his facial features. "Yes, I do know you. You were there when …." Her throat closed up as she swallowed down a lump. Kaidan caught the brief flash of grief before the woman hid it away. "If I was rude, I'm sorry, Lieutenant."

"Don't think anything of it." Kaidan said and winced. That was what she had told him those many years ago about his behavior at the academy.

"Ouch, I deserved that." Shepard said with a tired smile.

Kaidan then laughed softly. "I thought you had forgotten."

"I don't forget much, Alenko. It may take me a while but certain things…trigger my memory." Again her blue eyes looked into his and she quickly looked away, her tanned skin darkening a little. "Thank you." She said quietly.

"You are very welcome." Kaidan said softly and sincerely. That 'Thank You' was for the last time he caught her and for picking her up this time after a mission.

She drank up her coffee and laid her forehead against the warm cup, "Is there anything for a headache? I tried to sleep but the pounding…"

Reaching into his pocket, Kaidan took out a couple of caplets that he used for before a migraine attack. He slid them across the table to the woman. "Here, these should help..." Her hand went for them, her fingers brushing against his. A little jolt went through them from the brief touch, making Shepard snatch her hand away quickly.

Flexing his fingers, Kaidan looked to her sheepishly, surprised at the static touch. It shouldn't have happened as he regularly released the charge before that happened and Kaidan knew that there was no buildup in Shepard.

"T..thank..you.." Shepard stammered. She quickly left the table. Kaidan was puzzled by what had just happened and a bit shocked about Shepard's quick retreat.

-/*\-

As she lay there on the bunk, after taking the headache caplets Kaidan gave her, Mira's mind wandered as she thought about the handsome Lieutenant. It was strange how he managed to be there at times in her career where Mira needed 'rescuing' from being under heavy fire. Yes, Alenko was a marine and a biotic, just doing his job in helping a fellow soldier out but the way he looked after her, made Mira pause. He was reserved and ever the professional in not intruding more than is welcomed or appropriate but his eyes always looked through her.

Even back when she first saw him at the academy, those eyes were the most expressive part of the man. They were a soft dark brown and when it caught the light just right, golden hues would shine through. Mira also had to admit to herself that his voice also drove shivers across her skin. To some people, his voice would be considered dry and raspy, not smooth but she found it appealing.

'Oh, dear Shepard, you got to stop thinking about the man! You may have once acted on the attraction, but girl, you are a superior officer. Regs won't allow even a casual flirtation.' Mira flopped over onto her side and sighed. The headache was easing in her head but sleep wasn't coming and she needed that more than anything before arriving at Arcturus.

Finally giving up on trying to sleep on her own, Mira got up from her bunk and headed to the sickbay, to see if the doctor could give her anything so she could get a few hours shut eye. The doctor was in the softly lit sickbay, bent over and murmuring over the one patient in there. Mira tried to be unobtrusive but the man shifted and glanced over. Those eyes of the lieutenant who peppered Mira's life looked at her, pain edging around the corners. She knew that look, seeing it once before at his graduation night. He whispered something to the doctor, who turned and looked at Mira. She walked over to Shepard, with a slight frown.

"Lieutenant Alenko would like your company, Commander." The older woman had a look of disapproval on her face, pinching her brow.

"I don't want to disturb him." Mira tried not to fidget.

"I would agree with you but he insisted. Just make it quick."

"I will. Oh, could you give me something to help me sleep?"

The woman gave a short nod and walked off to her desk. Mira walked over to Kaidan's bed, grabbing a stool to sit on beside him. She stayed a respectful distance but not far away that she would have to raise her voice. After their brief touch earlier, Mira didn't want to risk another shock. The lieutenant gave a small pained smile. The soft blue lighting highlighted his strong jaw and straight nose, which pleased Mira. She was a little unsure of what to say, suddenly at a loss for words. They met only a few times and nothing more than just a few minutes. Usually, Mira had no problem talking with people she only met but this man had her tongue silent.

"You wanted my company?" Mira softened her voice to not hurt the man's head through the migraine.

"I felt like some company and couldn't think of anyone better." Kaidan rasped and then groaned at what he said, "Not that I couldn't find anyone…"

Mira laughed softly, "Easy, Lieutenant, I understand what you meant."

He sighed, turning his head forward, closing his eyes briefly before looking back at her. Even through the pain, his eyes pierced through hers, sending flutters in her belly. "How's the headache?" Kaidan asked.

"Better, just can't sleep." Mira answered with a little sigh.

There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. "Lieutenant…no, Commander now, isn't it?"

"Yeah, Lieutenant Commander of two weeks. I can't get used to it myself."

"Congratulations then." Kaidan gave a lopsided smile to Mira. "This wasn't how I expected to spend the rest of my birthday." He whispered.

"Happy birthday, Lieutenant Alenko." Mira returned his smile. "I know a lot of people don't think anything of it but it is an important day in one's life. Even with the moving around I've seen, my parents made sure to send birthday greetings."

"Thank you, Shepard, it does mean a lot. I talk to my father once in a while but…"

"The Cairo is often on assignment away from comm buoys." Mira nodded. "Well, maybe when we get to Arcturus, you can contact your father."

A small smile tugged at Kaidan's mouth. "I will." His eyes closed one more time and his breathing settled to an even and slow rhythm. Mira waited a couple of minutes and got up to leave. A hand reached out and grabbed her wrist, turning her face to the lieutenant.

"Thank you for keeping me company. It helped take my mind off the pain."

"You're welcome, Alenko." Mira said softly and turned away to go get her sleeping aid from the doctor.

As she returned to her bunk, Mira thought over the brief visit with the lieutenant. She felt comfortable in his company, once the awkwardness of initial meetings and impressions were out of the way. The only regret was not getting to know the man more because as soon as the ship reached Arcturus, Mira was off to whatever next assignment Admiral Hackett had for her. Sighing, she rubbed at her eyes. It was getting to point that she needed a break. During the y ears, she had remained in contact with Stavros. Their relationship settled into a strong friendship and periodically, when Mira made it to Earth, he sent a care package to her. There was an open invitation for her to drop by and relax. Maybe it was time for some leave, Mira thought. This last mission was draining and had physically and mentally pushed her beyond her limits.

A yawn finally split her face and drowsy feeling started settling over Mira. Rolling over, Mira tucked her chin in and let sleep settle around her.

The SSV Cairo finalized the docking procedures at Arcturus station. The crew were already moving about and gathering things for a few hours of leave. Mira smiled at the heightened excitement in the air. She could understand the happiness of impending leave after a long mission. Anderson walked up to her, smiling and with his own duffle slung over his shoulder.

"Are you ready to leave, Shepard?" he asked.

"You can't imagine! I wonder if I can request some leave myself." Mira sighed.

"If anyone deserves it, it is you. Come then, the admiral is waiting and I'm sure those scientists are anxious for the package."

"I'm anxious to get rid of it!" she laughed.

The officers strode through the docking hatch and onto the station, amicably chatting when a full dressed marine stepped in front of Mira, giving a sharp salute. She paused, her smile faltering. "Lieutenant Commander Shepard?"

"Yes, Sergeant?" A sinking feeling was starting in her belly. Anderson stood silently, his smile fading and concern growing.

"I'm here to inform you that Major Thomas Shepard was killed in the line of duty. Captain Hannah Shepard was informed via the extranet and the SSV Kilimanjaro is due to arrive in two hours." The stern façade of the marine then softened. "I was proud to serve with the Major, ma'am."

Mira's world narrowed at the news, it felt like a stable tether line was ripped off and flying away. Her father was the stable rock in the family and raised her more than her mother. It was bound to happen that he would be killed but his assignments have been shipboard duty, oftentimes along with mother, as part of the marine detachment. But the latest ship that Hannah Shepard captained was a transport and had no need for a marine detachment. Anderson grabbed her elbow gently, helping support her shaking knees.

Taking a deep breath, Mira steadied herself and forced back the tears threatening to come. "Thank you, Sergeant. You said the Kilimanjaro is due in a couple of hours?"

"Aye, ma'am."

"I have a couple of meetings to attend to first but please, contact me as soon as she arrives." Mira's voice shook a little. The marine saluted her again and walked away.

"Are you going to be alright?" Anderson asked. Mira nodded her head, not trusting her voice to speak. Without another word, they left for Hackett's office.

The door opened to the admiral's office where the admiral stood up from his desk and went over to greet Anderson and Mira. Both of them saluted the admiral and stood at ease. The other people in the office were the scientists that the Prothean data disk was to be handed to. Mira pulled out the artifact and handed it over to Hackett, with some relief. Now the mission was officially concluded.

"Commander, I heard about your father." Hackett said in his soft dry voice. "I'm sorry. The Major was a good soldier and man."

"Thank you, sir."

"Take some time, Shepard, and be with your mother. I will notify you of your next assignment."

With that, Mira was dismissed. Anderson escorted her to the door and wished her well. He told Mira he would call on her soon and check up. Mira's feet walked away from the Alliance offices and back to the docks. But they stopped halfway between where the Kilimanjaro was to be arriving and the Cairo's berth. Then the news that Mira couldn't call her father anymore hit her. Tears blurred her vision and fell down her cheeks as she stood still in the middle of the docks. Someone called her name and she turned her head to the voice. The face was blurred and Mira couldn't make out who was talking to her.

"Commander?" Kaidan said and tried something else, "Shepard…" His voice showed concern but Mira couldn't say anything around the lump in her throat. She felt arms around her and pulled her in to the lieutenant's chest. The warm spicy scent filled her nose, making her instantly relax but also the tears flowed harder. "What's wrong?" His voice rumbled in his chest against Mira's ear.

"F…father…he's been…" Mira couldn't even say it and turned her head into Kaidan's chest, hiding away the tears and grief.

"I'm so sorry." Kaidan whispered and tightened the embrace, trying to give the woman any comfort he could provide.

Mira cried into his chest silently, taking in the comfort the man offered. Father was always the strong, silent type, much like Kaidan was being now for her. This made her eyes sting more. Shaking her head, Mira wiped the tears from her face and gently pushed away from Kaidan's chest. He let go of her and looked on with concern. The moment of weakness was gone and Shepard, hero of Elysium and Alliance officer was back in place. The lieutenant looked into her eyes, concern showing in them, Mira's eyes couldn't lie what she was feeling inside. "Thank you, Alenko."

"I know what losing a parent is like, Shepard." He responded.

"You have a knack of being there when I seem to need something." Mira gave a small smile.

"Funny that." Kaidan gave his half-smile. The PA system announced the arrival of Kilimanjaro and Mira looked off down the dock and back to Kaidan.

"I…need to go." Mira said quietly, unsure of what to say next. Why this man made her feel vulnerable, she couldn't understand and it made her uncomfortable. With one last look at Kaidan, Mira nodded a farewell and turned to go meet her mother as the Kilimanjaro docked.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

January, 2183

"What about Shepard?" Anderson volunteered to the other two gentlemen in the office with him. "She's a war hero, military born and raised."

"She's a capable leader and soldier, exceptional career. A good candidate for the Spectres." Hackett threw out to Ambassador Udina.

The ambassador pursed his lips, a permanent frown etched on his face. "She seems to be a bit of a loner and I worry about any scars she may have from the battle at Elysium."

"Everyone that has served with her has nothing but praises. If she showed any scarring from Elysium, Shepard has kept it to herself. It's her willpower and determination as a soldier that gets the job done. There have been several occasions she has gone beyond normal human limitations and not cracked under the pressure." Anderson argued.

"Surely there other soldiers with just as good records, if not better." Udina groused.

"You don't like her because she doesn't play politics, Udina." Hackett said bluntly. "We don't need a Spectre that plays Alliance politics."

"Anderson, she is your new XO for the Normandy?" Udina asked the captain.

"Yes, she is. I asked her personally last month and she has accepted. Right now, she is on leave and should be back tomorrow."

"And the rest of the crew?" Udina pressed.

"All assigned, Ambassdor. The Normandy has a full complement and ready to take its maiden flight."

The man nodded, having to trust Anderson's choices for crew. The Alliance gave Anderson the promotion to captain and the free reign to choose the crew for the prototype ship. Some of the crew choices weren't to Udina's liking, such as the near insubordinate and arrogant pilot, Morreau. The Flight Lieutenant had an impressive record but his manners were something to be desired. "Alright, if the crew is ready, then we will set the launch date. I will go and talk with the Council about assigning a Spectre observer for Shepard."

"I'm glad you are seeing it our way." Hackett smiled, hiding the dislike he had for the man. He escorted the ambassador to the door, watching the man leave. "I still don't like that man."

"Not many do, admiral." Anderson grinned.

"You are certain Shepard is ready for this?"

"I'm certain. She has never backed off a challenge. Besides, she is a good leader and it is time to give her a command."

"We do seem to push her." Hackett mused.

"A little. Now, she needs to stretch her wings and I think making her XO will help her improve her skills with getting to know the people she commands."

"I do wonder about your choice for Staff Lieutenant Alenko, Anderson. He is a good soldier and has several commendations but he still holds himself back."

"Trust me on him, Admiral. The marines under his command trust him and will take his orders without question."

"Okay, I will trust you on this one." Hackett gave a slight grin. "I should get going. I can't put off my meeting with the Board any longer."

-/*\-

"Wow, she's beautiful!" Jenkins beamed as he and Kaidan walked along the dock the _Normandy _was berthed. The hull gleamed in the station lights, the graceful curves complementing the angled wings. The ship took the best of Turian and Alliance design, melding it into graceful symmetry. Kaidan and Jenkins had been assigned two weeks ago to the ship, being met by Captain Anderson. He was happy to serve under a familiar man and most of the crew that was assigned was handpicked by the man. There was no sign of the new XO, and Kaidan was a little anxious to see her. When Anderson told him that Shepard would be arriving within the day, Kaidan smiled inwardly. Already the crew of the _Normandy_ was shaping up to be top-notch.

"She is a beautiful ship, Jenkins." Kaidan agreed with the young soldier. "Can't wait to see how she handles out in space."

"That Joker is biting at the bit to take her out! He keeps checking over the systems several times an hour and muttering about testing the overpowered engines."

"I think we will be underway soon and then Joker can stretch out the _Normandy's_ wings. Though, I can't wait to meet our XO." Kaidan hid the smile behind a neutral mask.

"Yeah, think of Shepard being the XO! I heard that the captain didn't look at any other candidates when he made the choice."

"I wouldn't either when she fits the position well. I mean, a hero, a fellow marine, and well, who wouldn't want to follow her to battle?" Kaidan certainly wouldn't mind at all, if only to get to finally know the woman behind the marine. His father was right that good things come to those who wait and he had waited patiently for so many years.

"Come on, LT! Let's get back on board."

The next day, Kaidan sat at the tactical station at Joker's right, tracking down a system bug. The bug was throwing off the kinetic shield calibrations and needed to be fixed before the _Normandy_ left dock. He had about found the culprit coding and then it slipped through his fingers. Kaidan cursed under his breath.

"My, what language, Lieutenant. Be careful or you might hurt the _Normandy's_ feelings." Shepard's throaty voice startled him.

He rushed out of the chair and stumbled to stand straight and snap off a salute to the executive officer. Her blue eyes sparkled as she returned the salute. "I'm sorry, Commander, I didn't know you were standing there." He shot a look at Joker, who feigned an innocent look and turned back to his console.

"At ease, Lieutenant, I just got onboard when I heard the string of obscenities coming from the cockpit."

Kaidan then noticed the duffle bag on the deck and bent forward to take it. "Does the captain know you are here?"

"Yes, he does. You don't have to do that, Lieutenant." Shepard gave a little protest as her duffle was taken.

"It's my privilege to help you settle in, Commander." Kaidan's eyes bored into Shepard's. Joker snorted from his chair but remained silent. With a hand out toward the catwalk, Kaidan took her into the _Normandy_ CIC. They walked slowly, as he let Shepard take in the gleaming displays and then the holographic display of the galaxy.

"What a strange place to put a ship commander." Shepard remarked.

"Turian design." Kaidan replied. "We only got the display fully updated and functioning last week."

He led her to the side and through a guarded door leading to stairs down to the crew deck. Shepard looked sideways at him and back forward. "How's your mother?" he asked cautiously.

Shepard stopped on the stairs, out of sight from any crewman and turned to look at Kaidan. Her marine mask was up but her eyes spoke volumes to him. She was still grieving for her deceased father. "She's holding up."

"And you?" Kaidan was feeling bold in asking, especially since he provided her comfort after the news was broken to the woman.

"I am doing….well." She hesitated a moment but Kaidan observed closely the lingering pain of the loss in the back of her eyes. Shifting the duffle in his hand, he gave a small nod to her and started down the stairs again. His professional face back on as they rounded the corner into the open mess area. Going to the lockers at the side by the sickbay, Kaidan set the bag down in front of her assigned locker. The senior officers had their lockers on the crew deck, while the rest of the crew had them below on engineering deck.

"If you would like, I can gather the marine detachment for inspection, Commander."

"Not now, Lieutenant Alenko. Give me a chance to sign in and get unpacked."

"Of course." Kaidan nodded and took his leave. His heart was glad to see Shepard onboard and that he would have a chance to serve with her. His father's words came back to him 'Be friends with her first, Kaidan'. He intended to do that, for the woman needed a friend.

-/*\-

When she boarded the _Normandy_, Mira was in awe of the ship's grace and new technology. But then she heard his voice coming from the cockpit, cursing up a storm. She wished there was more time to go over the crew roster to see who was assigned but taking it in stride, Mira walked quietly behind the pilots chair and startled Lieutenant Alenko.

The blush on his face sent a tickle through her and she had to stop the giggle when he stumbled to stand at attention and salute her. The pilot rolled his eyes and muttered. Being a gentleman, the man took her duffle and escorted her through the _Normandy_ to her locker. Mira was stunned when he asked after her and her mother; the genuine sincerity in his eyes threw her. It's been nearly two years since her father's death and yet, Kaidan remembered. That brief openness was soon shut behind the professional guarded exterior.

He was a curious man and Mira found herself wanting to know a bit more about the lieutenant. Locking up the locker, Mira made her way back to the CIC and see if she could find Anderson. They were set to launch in a couple of days but were waiting for a guest to arrive. When she had talked briefly to Anderson, he wouldn't tell her more than that the guest was a Turian observer for the _Normandy's_ shakedown cruise.

They had yet to receive the objective for the shakedown. Not knowing drove Mira nuts. How can they just go on a cruise and not know where to go to test the ship's capability? Mira walked up to the navigator, Pressly and introduced herself. He saluted her.

"Welcome aboard the _Normandy_, Commander Shepard. It is a privilege to be serving with you!"

"Thank you for the welcome, Pressly. Do you know where the captain is?"

"He stepped out to meet with Admiral Hackett. I think it has to do with our mission objective for the shakedown."

"Let's hope so. I'm curious as to what we will be doing to put the _Normandy_ through her paces."

A deep warm voice came down the catwalk toward them, "Now we know, Commander! Our guest will be here in the hour and we set off after he gets here."

"Captain?" Mira looked quizzically at Anderson.

"Can't discuss it here, Shepard. In time, I will. Make sure the crew is recalled aboard and all the systems are green, Commander."

"Aye-aye, sir." Mira said and moved back to the cockpit to check on Alenko's and the pilot's issues. The one they called Joker was sitting alone in the cockpit when she arrived.

"Commander." He said. "I think since the Lieutenant has been aboard, I have never seen him scramble a salute so fast. Good job!"

Mira chuckled. "I don't think I could get someone to snap a salute so fast before. We are about to head out in a couple hours time, are your systems ready?"

"Yup, all green. Alenko managed to find the bug in tactical and got that hammered out."

"Good. Send out a recall to all crew still on the station. We have a turian guest arriving shortly too, so let Captain Anderson and myself know when he arrives."

"Aye, Commander. Oh, I hope the lieutenant didn't trip on your bag." Joker snickered.

Mira shook her head, smiling at the snarky attitude of the pilot. "Let us hope that you are as good as they say you are, Joker."

"Heh, I'm THE best. It is why Anderson assigned me here to the best ship in the fleet."

"Then make sure you are ready to put the pedal to the metal." With that said, Mira left Joker alone. She could hear him laughing softly to himself.

"I like you, Commander." He said to himself.

Mira made the rounds to the different areas, acquainting herself with the crew, getting a feel for the people on the _Normandy_. Each one she met was professional and experienced. Everyone seemed to work smoothly together as if they were together for years instead of just days. She had to hand it to Anderson in picking a top notch crew. Once they were underway, Mira promised herself that she was going to go over the roster and read up on this specialized crew.

An hour later, their guest arrived. Joker informed Mira of the boarding request and she went to the docking hatch and met Captain Anderson there. Looking into the cockpit when she passed by, she noticed Kaidan sitting at the right-hand station. He glanced over to her as she passed by, his face remained impassive but she saw his eyes light up.

"Welcome aboard, Nihlus." Anderson held out his hand to the tall turian officer. "This is Commander Shepard, my XO."

Mira shook the clawed hand, "Welcome to the _Normandy_, Nihlus."

"I'm pleased to meet you, Commander. I have heard a lot about you." His hawkish head dipped in respect to her. "I will let you know upfront, I am a Council Spectre and here at the request of the Council to observe the shakedown cruise of the _Normandy_. Since the building of this ship was a co-operative venture, I need to make sure that the design is working."

"Understood, Nihlus. I would expect someone from the Council was going to be personally observing the maiden flight." Mira said diplomatically, hiding the surprise of having a Spectre overseeing this trivial thing of a shakedown.

"Captain, if we can go somewhere to talk about the mission? Commander, if your pilot is ready, we can undock anytime. Have him set coordinates for Eden Prime. Call me when we get to the mass relay, please."

Mira nodded and excused herself from the men and went to the cockpit. Joker's hands were already flying over the console. "Yeah, I heard, Commander. Coordinates set and flight control has given us the green light. All crew is aboard."

Standing at ease behind the pilot's chair, Mira's lips tugged a little with a smile. This spot was going to become her favorite, as she always got excited whenever a ship left port and off into space. "Close the hatch and release the docking clamps, Joker. It's time to stretch our wings."

-/*\-

After Shepard left, Kaidan glanced sideways at Joker. The man was busy making adjustments to the _Normandy_ as they reached open space and away from Arcturus station. It would be a couple of hours before they reached the mass relay to take them to Eden Prime. It was a strange place to go to, being one of humanity's first colonies but he didn't argue with orders. He remembered that Jenkins came from Eden Prime. The young man often talked about the pastoral setting of the planet and also how little there was for adventurous children to do.

"Hey, Alenko, what do you think about the Commander?" Joker asked out of the blue.

"Huh?" Kaidan's attention snapped back. "Shepard?"

"Yeaah," Joker's tone took on that note of stating the obvious, "She's a hero and a badass, not bad looking either."

"I hadn't noticed her looks." Kaidan replied a little stiffly.

"Uh huh." Joker looked at him, not believing Kaidan. "Not that I am complaining but you would think such a decorated officer could have any pick of assignments and she is XO of the _Normandy_."

"I heard that Anderson picked her for the position specifically. They served together before during N7 missions, so he knows her capabilities. Besides, you could have piloted any ship in the fleet, Joker. Why did you agree to take on the _Normandy_?"

"Are you kidding? This is a top of the line ship with new tech! Just thinking about putting the mass drive to its paces and the stealth drive, it gives me the warm fuzzies." Joker whistled low.

"I guess then that Anderson chose the right people to crew the _Normandy_." Kaidan tapped on his console, relieved that no other glitches were showing up. "Hopefully, this run to Eden Prime will be smooth sailing."

Joker snorted, "Nothing is ever 'smooth sailing', Alenko."

-/*\-

The squad jumped off the cargo ramp to land on the firm ground of Eden Prime. Plumes of smoke rose in the distance from burning buildings of the colony. Taking out her pistol, Mira surveyed the area around them. They were on a bluff away from the dig site and where the enemy was scanned. Nihlus was already ahead of them, reporting his progress.

"All those farms!" Jenkins lamented. "See, down there, that is Wilson's Orchard. It's gone. Who would do this?"

"I don't know, Jenkins." Mira said. "But we need to find the beacon, so let's get moving."

"Aye-aye, ma'am." Jenkins settled to point position while Mira took center and Kaidan was at the rear guard.

They headed down the bluff and past the gasbag beings Jenkins noted. When they rounded the corner at the top of the slope going down, Mira held her arm up for a stop and listened. A faint whine could be heard and it was quickly growing louder. Silently, she motioned for Kaidan to take left and Jenkins to move forward slowly. It wasn't long when two drones swooped out of cover and immediately fired on Jenkins. The corporal fell to the ground without a chance to fire but Mira didn't have more than a second to react to the enemy drones and fired on one. Her hand flared with biotic energy, sending a warp field outwards. Kaidan sabotaged the other drone, sending it sparking and sputtering. Taking aim with her heavy pistol, Mira shot the damaged drone in two shots, then swung around to the remaining one, one shot from her pistol and one from Kaidan, took it down.

Walking carefully down to Jenkins body, Mira scanned the area, making sure it was clear. Kaidan checked his omnitool and announced it clear. He kneeled down by Jenkins, fingers closing the eyes of the fallen soldier, and shook his head. "I don't know what those things were but he didn't have a chance. He was a good soldier." Regret filled his voice.

"I promise once this is over, we will give him the proper burial deserving of a soldier. Right now, I need you to remain focused." Mira told Kaidan as he straightened before her.

"Aye-aye, ma'am." He stiffened at attention.

"Let's keep going. We should be nearing the dig site."

It wasn't long before they ran into another group of drones. They made short order of them, switching between biotics, tech, and their pistols. Mira nodded to Kaidan when the last drone exploded. Flexing her fingers from the residual tingling, Mira moved forward down the path, and then ducked behind cover as she heard gunfire. An Alliance soldier was running away from the drones and tripped. Rolling onto her back, the soldier fired, destroying the drone. Another mechanical sound echoed off the ravine walls and Mira noticed another type of enemy that looked both organic and mechanical biped. Motioning Kaidan to move forward, Mira dashed from cover, throwing a warp field to the nearest of the creatures. Kaidan moved with her, firing and tossing out a throw. Working in tandem, Mira and Kaidan continued to hammer at the enemy before they even got within twenty feet. Once the enemies were dispatched, Mira put her gun to her side and approached the heaving soldier.

The woman stood at attention and saluted Mira, "Chief Ashley Williams, Commander."

"Stand down, Chief. Give a sit-rep to what happened here." Mira responded to the soldier. Kaidan stood behind her at her right shoulder.

Ashley gave the rundown of the start of the geth attack, seeing her unit wiped out and the constant battle up to when Mira and Kaidan found her. Mira was surprised at the mention of geth. The bio-mechanoids were not heard or seen from in over two centuries. So, why were they coming out from the Perseus Veil? Something was happening and Mira had a bad feeling starting in the pit of her stomach.

"The geth haven't been seen in two hundred years!" Kaidan exclaimed.

"We need to keep moving and find some answers. If they are behind the attack, we need to secure the Prothean beacon. Williams, where is the dig site?"

"Down the path, half a click, ma'am."

Mira nodded, "Move out." She started moving, with Ashley taking point and Kaidan at the rear. This mission was turning out to be more complicated than a simple shakedown. And that was next to Nihlus's observation of her work, in order to be considered for the Spectres. Talking of the turian, Mira was getting worried because he hadn't reported in over twenty minutes. The trio carefully made their way down the path toward the dig site. When a fire blast hit the ground near them, did they take cover. Kiadan's body flared in response to the threat, along with Mira's. Popping her head around the corner, she spotted a small group of geth firing from behind crates at the site, the light gleaming from their heads. Ashley ran and ducked to another rock outcropping and loosed a short burst of fire into one of the geth. Mira looked to Kaidan, mouthing to him loose a warp as she let go of a singularity in the group. He nodded and followed after her as she left cover to release the energy. Singularities took a lot out of her and as Mira slammed back against the rock, she had to close her eyes and push aside the moment of dizziness.

The short lived skirmish was over with and the squad took a little breather. Kaidan looked at Mira with some concern. "I'm fine, Lieutenant." Mira assured him.

"Just checking, Commander."

"The beacon was over there." Ashley commented as they walked over to the old stone circle. Mira followed her and looked at the empty center. "It was here. The scientists were quite excited at the find."

"I'm guessing the geth took it. As to why, we are going to have to find out. Do you know where the scientists are?"

"I don't know. Once the attack started, they ran off to the camp while my unit fought the geth."

"Where is the camp?"

"Up the hill, ma'am."

Without another word, they moved on up the path, pressing forward through the trail of destruction. Smoke wafted down to them, making Mira's nose wrinkle. She was expecting anything but as they reached the rise, tall spikes with bodies at the top shocked her. Then the spikes collapsed, sparks releasing the transformed colonists.

"Oh my god, they are still alive!" Kaidan choked.

"Lieutenant, they are no longer colonists." Mira said in a hard voice and raised her heavy pistol as the lumbering husks moved toward them.

"But…" Kaidan fought against his nature of using his biotics to kill living beings.

Mira looked to him with a hard look. "Is there a problem, Lieutenant?"

"No, ma'am!" Kaidan swallowed but stiffened his jaw.

Mira released a throw, pushing the closest husk back a few feet. Her face was hard set as she fought the approaching threat. Ashley fired her assault rifle, yelling out obscenities as it took twice as much ammo to bring down the husks. Kaidan grimaced as he let loose a powerful throw, flinging the husk that was upon him back to the rock face. It twitched once and then never moved. Breathing hard, his hands were shaking from the power of the throw. Kaidan wiped at his forehead and looked at the kill of the dead former colonists.

"Good work, Alenko." Mira said quietly, patting his arm in reassurance.

The next couple of hours was one rush of a battle to another, as the squad made their way to the spaceport. After all the geth and husks were taken care of, they reached an active Prothean beacon. Whatever Saren was after, he had gotten it and left behind the bombs and geth to make his escape. This still caused more questions in Mira's head. She gazed sideways at the beacon, watching Kaidan look at it in fascination. Ashley commented that the beacon was never active when it was unearthed. Their mission was to take the beacon, so Mira contacted the Normandy and asked for a pickup.

The motion of Kaidan struggling against something snapped her attention toward him. He was fighting against some force as it pulled him to the beacon. Without giving a second thought, Mira rushed forward, pushing Kaidan away from the beacon. He ducked and rolled toward Ashley, shaking his head. Mira now found an inextricable pull coming from the beacon. She fought against the pull but voices whispered in her mind, calling and warning her. Her body was lifted up into the air and then the blast of images filled her head, making her scream in pain.

Horrors beyond imagining filled her mind, filling every fiber of her being, making every nerve light with fire. A thousand voices overlaid the images, giving warning of destruction and death. It was too much and it made Mira's head explode in a white light of pain. As blackness overtook her, Mira was released from the beacon's grip falling to the ground.

-/*\-

Kaidan shook his head clear from the beacon's compulsion and watched as it took up Shepard. His heart wrenched as her body was flung up and stiffened. "Shepard!" he was about to go to her when he felt Ashley's arm on his.

"Leave her alone! You could do more damage!"

He bit at his lip, watched helplessly as Shepard was held by the beacon. After a minute, her body was flung from the beacon as it exploded, showering the area with fragments. Running over to the prone form Kaidan rolled Shepard to her back, checking her neck for a pulse. Kaidan let out a sigh of relief and picked her up, cradling Shepard in his arms. Having her in his arms again felt good and Kaidan realized that over the years of admiring this woman, that he gradually fell in love in with her. She needed him, and Kaidan was determined to always be there for Shepard.

It wasn't long before the Normandy entered the atmosphere and landed at the spaceport. Kaidan and Ashley rushed up the cargo ramp into the Normandy. He rushed Shepard to the sickbay for Dr. Chakwas to look her over. She was breathing but she hadn't roused from fainting and Kaidan was worried that the beacon may have done something else to the commander.

"Doctor!" Kaidan called out to the older woman.

Chakwas looked up from her desk and immediately motioned to one of the beds to Kaidan. Rushing to the bed, Kaidan gently laid Shepard down, his eyes searching her face as he took off Shepard's helmet. The hard soldier façade wasn't there, only the face of a woman who had gone through many trials. Brushing a lock of hair from her cheek, Kaidan decided to stick it out in the sickbay until she came around. He was a trained medic and could help the doctor.

"Kaidan, let me take a look." The cultured voice of Chakwas broke into his thoughts.

He let her in and watched as Chakwas ran diagnostics on Shepard. The readings all looked normal, no inujuries or other physical trauma. Shepard seemed to be dreaming, as her brain activity that indicated REM was elevated. But when Chakwas tried to revive the Commander, she wasn't waking. Turning to Kaidan, she shook her head slightly. "We will have to wait and let her wake up on her own."

"Is it alright that I wait here?" Kaidan asked Chakwas.

"I suppose so. Let me know if there are any changes or she awakens."

He gave a slight nod to his head and grabbed a seat on the bed next to Shepard's. His hands shook a little as he removed his helmet and set it on the bed behind him. Kaidan's eyes watched over Shepard, taking in the softened face, where a curl of her warm brown hair curled around her ear. Lighter brown to gold highlights framed around her face. Her mouth was full and generous, as Kaidan's eyes traced along the lines and the slight part of the lips. The curve of her jaw was sharp, lending to a strong chin and down a long neck. Shepard was tall and lithe, the muscle tone supple and graceful. She wasn't bulked like some women marines Kaidan met in his career, Shepard was finely sculpted. Ever since he noticed her legs as she walked out from meeting with Admiral Hackett, Kaidan wanted nothing more than to run his hands over her skin.

Shaking his head, Kaidan had to chide himself silently for thinking such intimate thoughts. For all he knew, Shepard may not feel the same attraction he did. After all, they have had a few rough and awkward meetings. Now, Shepard was a Commander and the XO of the Normandy, thus, a superior officer. He can only dream what her lips would feel like under his but not act on it. There were regulations on fraternization between superior and subordinate officers. These regulations have been in the military for centuries, not changing much during that entire time. Kaidan was sure that there have been instances of fraternization before but he wasn't going to fall into that trap, even if he wanted to kiss Shepard so bad it made his heart ache. All he could do was be there for her, support her, give his voice, and follow orders.

With following orders, Kaidan's mind turned towards his actions on Eden Prime, against the turned colonists. Some part of him cringed in using his biotics to kill another living being again, after he had not done so for over ten years. But Shepard was right, those husks were no longer human, and a wellspring of power surged through him when it was unleashed with no restraint. It felt good, in a small way, to not be held back. Down through time, Hackett's words whispered to him after he refused Kaidan entrance into the Special Forces program. It took Shepard to make him open up his potential.

Flexing his hand, Kaidan wondered at what he had missed in his refusal to use his full biotic potential. Before holding back his power, Kaidan was tested at the highest level for an L2 implantee. L3's like Shepard were scaled back on power thresholds, compared to him. Only if you were an adept and had the focus and discipline to train your biotics near extensively, did the power usage become near the level of an L2. Most who had the L2 implants had less power than Kaidan. Here he was thirty-two years old and wasted half of his life and career holding back his potential.

A soft moan brought his attention to Shepard, seeing her stir to consciousness. "Doctor! I think she is coming around." Chakwas swiftly moved to Shepard's side, as the woman struggled to sit upright and swing her legs over the bed.

"How long was I out?" Shepard asked quietly, her eyes blinking open as she tried to focus.

"Only three hours, Commander. As far as I could tell, you are physically fine. There was some elevated seratonin levels, like what you get when you are dreaming."

"I…it was more like a nightmare." Shepard shook her head, her blue eyes closed against whatever she remembered.

"What did you see?" Chakwas asked the woman, concern edged her voice.

"War….destruction….it was a warning…it was all jumbled and I can't make much sense of it. Was the beacon saved?"

"It was destroyed after you used it." Chakwas informed Shepard.

"We would still have it if I didn't move to it and you had to push me away." Kaidan said in self-recrimination.

Shepard's turned halfway to him, "It isn't your fault, Lieutenant. You couldn't have known what would happen." She took a deep breath.

Kaidan's mouth half-smiled at Shepard's concern for him. Maybe there was something there, he thought, because that was the most open and warm statement he has received from her in all the times they met. The door opened to the sickbay admitting Anderson. When he announced he needed to talk to Shepard, Kaidan gave a nod to Shepard and told her he would be waiting outside if she wanted to talk.

Once outside, Chakwas cornered him. "Lieutenant, I know you have some concern for our Commander but do you know what you are doing?" She said quietly, so no one could hear them talking out on the crew deck.

"I don't know what you mean, doctor." Kaidan kept his face impassive.

"Showing more concern than is appropriate, Kaidan. You like Shepard." Janet stated.

"Of course, she is a hero and a respected Alliance officer."

Janet huffed a little and gave him a hard look. "Kaidan…"

"Doctor," Kaidan whispered a little harshly, "please don't make more of my admiration for Shepard than there is. I know regs and there will be nothing happening. There can't be."

The doctor stood back from the rebuke and closed her mouth from saying anything more. Kaidan turned on her and went to stand by the mess bulkhead, looking at the door to the sickbay to watch for Shepard. It wasn't long before Anderson exited, followed by Shepard. He caught her eye and called to her. When she approached him, Kaidan expressed his relief. "I'm glad that you are feeling alright, Commander."

"Thank you for your concern, Alenko. Still feel a bit muddled but it will clear in time."

"Want to talk about it?"

"That might not hurt." She said a little tiredly and went to the long table, taking a seat. He sat across from her, restraining from touching her hand. "Nothing is clear as the images are so jumbled and stuffed in there but the feeling of danger is overwhelming."

"What are we going to do now?" Kaidan asked.

"We will be heading to the Citadel and hope Ambassador Udina can get us a meeting with the Council. Saren has gone rogue and needs to be dealt with."

"What about the geth, since it seems they are following him. It is a bit coincidental that they appear just as he arrived on the scene to go after the beacon. If the Council believes us as to what had happened on Eden Prime."

"You have a head for politics, Lieutenant." Shepard's mouth quirked upward a little at the corners.

"My father served in the Alliance and my mother was a daughter of a diplomat." Kaidan had to laugh a little. He knew about her family but never mentioned anything about his.

"So, you know what it is like when military is trying to talk reason with civilians." Shepard gave a soft laugh.

"Oh, yes." He looked at her, noticing that she did look tired. "I guess your chance to become the first human Spectre is out of the question."

"I honestly don't know what will happen. But with Nihlus's death…" she shrugged. "I'm sorry about Jenkins." Shepard said suddenly.

"He was a good soldier. At least he died in action, like he wanted." Kaidan lowered his head. "You should go talk with Chief Williams. Anderson accepted her on the Normandy. She will be a good addition to the marine detachment."

"I am glad that she will be added to your detachment." Shepard rose from her seat, which Kaidan got up with her. "I hope we can talk more later." Her eyes caught his, unreadable at first but softened a little with warmth.

"I would like that." He replied softly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

April 11, 2183

A lot had happened and quickly since Eden Prime. They talked with the Council, Saren was declared a rogue agent, and Mira was made a Spectre. From there, Anderson gave command of the Normandy to her, while he took on a desk job. He wasn't happy and Mira understood why. She stood behind Joker's chair in the cockpit, looking at the planet Noveria for the second time in her life. Automatically, her body shivered. The last time she was here on this planet, Hackett was with her, facing his own personal demons. She had to kill his daughter in order to save his life.

Saren was tracked down to this planet and Mira wasn't looking forward to going back. The place reeked of corruption and secrecy, which gave her shivers more than the cold did. They still had more questions than answers. After retrieving Liara from Therum, the leads had dried up for two months. Therefore, they explored and did some assignments that Hackett passed down to them. They got their break when Admiral Hackett contacted them with a tip from a contact.

"Normandy, you are cleared for landing. Sending docking coordinates. Welcome to Noveria." The Flight Controller finally said over the comm system.

"Roger, Control." Joker replied and moved the Normandy through Noveria's atmosphere and blizzard toward the docking berths. Mira turned away from the swirling mass of snow view and headed toward the crew deck, preparing to go groundside. Kaidan and Ashley were having a quick cup of coffee as she arrived.

"Alenko, suit up and meet me at the docking hatch in ten. Oh, I will warn you, it's going to be cold, so you might want to double up on the thermals." Her mouth quirked upwards at the corners in a faint grin.

Setting his cup down, "Aye, ma'am." He stood up and headed to the elevator but before reaching it, Kaidan walked up to Mira before she headed to the sickbay to speak with Liara. "You don't sound happy about being here. What's up?" he spoke quietly.

Mira shook her head grimly, "Old mission, Kaidan. I can't talk about it as it's classified. I just thought I would never have to return to this forsaken place."

"Hopefully this won't last long." Kaidan's eyes assured her though his face was impassive.

"Expect anything, Kaidan." Mira looked back into his expressive gaze, her own worry showing.

"I will be ready, Shepard." He gave a curt nod and left her to go get ready for the away mission.

It was as Mira remembered. Plots within plots, backstabbing and those looking for anything to cut into the competition ran rampant. Kaidan was disgusted and Liara was quiet, uneasiness settling into her. After helping the IA agent with exposing the administrator, they were finally underway to leave the spaceport administration building and to Peak 15. They stood just inside the garage, looking at the MAKO sitting there and surveyed the rest of the garage. Mira's sixth sense about impending battle tingled up her spine.

"I got a bad feeling, Shepard." Kaidan stated, shifting his weight a little, breath pluming out from the cold.

"Keep an eye out." Mira said and took a couple steps forward. Once her motion was detected, the hidden crates revealed the geth that was packed inside. Immediately Mira directed her biotic energy forward to the nearest pair of geth. Kaidan's omnitool flared to life as he quickly sent a signal to their weapon systems and overloaded them. Liara threw in a singularity, stopping one group temporarily. Mira saw that there was little cover to hide behind. Spotting the MAKO, Mira motion Kaidan toward it to get it unlocked. They could use the guns and armor of the vehicle to clear out the enemy. A rocket blast hit behind Mira, sending a concussive wave outwards, knocking her off her feet. She felt a hand grab her arm and pull her up to the side of the MAKO.

"Thanks!" She grinned at Kaidan.

"You're welcome, just don't trip next time." He flashed a quick grin to her in response. His fingers flew over his tool and got the door open. Mira fired her pistol at a closing geth and yelled for Liara to get in. The asari dashed to the MAKO and clambered in. Once they were inside, the pounded reverberated on the hull. Kaidan took up the cannon controls while Mira turned on the navigation scanner. They worked in tandem, Mira pointing out their targets and Kaidan aiming and firing the MAKO's cannon and guns. The dinging of the gunfire ratted against the metal, making all their ears ring.

Once the last of the geth crumpled to the ground, Mira sat back in the bucket seat of the MAKO and sighed. Looking over to Kaidan, he smiled back to her, and looked to Liara who gave a nod to say she was fine. Mira got up and exited the MAKO as the security forces entered the garage.

"What is going on in here?" yelled the security guard captain.

"I think you should have checked the Matriarch's crates. They contained geth." Mira shot back a little cooly.

"Geth? That's impossible!"

Mira looked around at the wreckage of geth littering the garage, "Really? How many crates did the Matriarch bring in?"

"Maybe two dozen." The woman's eyes were wide as she saw what was left of the firefight.

"She was expecting company." Kaidan observed.

"It's ironic how Saren and company seem to be one step ahead of us." Mira muttered. "We need to get to Peak 15…now."

The guard captain cleared her throat. "There is another MAKO up ahead, ready to leave."

Mira nodded, "You better check the rest of the building for any suspicious crates, Captain."

"I will do that. It…"

Mira sympathized with the woman, knowing the feeling of discovering a myth was real and had returned. "I know but they are here now and I wouldn't put it past Benezia or Saren to have planted crates around the area." She turned to the rest of her squad. "Let's move out."

-/*\-

Kaidan panted after the last asari commando was taken care of. His hands and body tingled from the repetitive release of powerful biotic energy. Each time he used it and didn't restrain the power, his power increased in force and duration. He still envied Mira her tight control and effortless dispensing of the dark energy. However, with this extended use in nearly non-stop battle after battle, it made his head throb. This mission was taking a little longer than expected. Again, they missed Saren, as only Benezia was on Noveria to check on the breeding of the Rachni. Liara was saddened by the death of her mother, which was understandable, even if they were estranged. Kaidan held a little sympathy toward the asari regarding the loss of a parent.

Now, he watched Shepard stand in front of the Rachni Queen, trying to decide whether to release her or kill her. The queen was the last of the old Rachni that invaded the galaxy and it would be a shame to have to kill her in order to prevent further breeding. "If the Rachni can be taught to do what is right, it is worth saving her, Shepard."

"But there is also the danger of them overrunning the galaxy and wiping out civilization!" Liara protested. "You weren't there during the Rachni Wars. You never experienced the carnage done by those beasts!"

"All life deserves a chance to live and atone for the past, Liara." Kaidan chided her gently.

Her mouth opened as to say something more and then snapped shut. Shepard looked up to the insectoid creature trapped in the tube. "I'm going to let her free. Kaidan is right. I am not the one to play god and doom a race to extinction because some of their race went against their teachings and nature. After all, humans interfered with the natural order of the rachni. It is time to correct that." Her hands gently pressed a couple of buttons on the console, releasing the lock on the hatch to the outside. Alarms went off as the containment cell opened. They watched the queen scuttle through the tubes and out into the raging blizzard.

"We have one more stop before we are done here." Shepard said, switching back to the commander persona and to the job at hand. It sometimes made Kaidan dizzy at how fast she could slip into that role from showing a bit of emotion and softer side to her person, and then be the hard-as-nails, no nonsense military officer. Keeping his pistol gripped in his hand and down, they moved through the containment labs to head toward the Hot Labs.

Getting out of the Hot Labs before it was destroyed set everyone's adrenaline to pumping overtime. Kaidan forced the fear from seeing the hordes of rachni blocking their exit and concentrated on clearing a path. Between Liara and Shepard, the blue energy swirled through the air as they ran. Still some razor sharp whips sliced into Kaidan's armor, as it did Mira's. After an eternity, they made it to the elevator, the doors closing just as the closest of the alien insect pounded against the metal. When the elevator was halfway through its steady climb, the shockwave from the explosion knocked them off their feet. Shepard hit her head rather hard against the side, dazing her. Kaidan helped her straighten up, his eyes conveying concern to which she shook her head that she was fine. Once the doors finally opened, the trio spilled out in a rush, panting with exhaustion and ebbing adrenaline.

"Remind me to not accept a barbecue invitation from Noveria." Shepard gave a small grin.

"Agreed. I don't like my food well-done." Kaidan chuckled. "For that matter, I don't like being 'well-done'."

Liara shook her head at the humans, not understanding why they would be laughing after running for their lives from danger.

# # #

After the debriefing, the crew went back to their stations. Kaidan went to the mess and grabbed a cup of coffee. He was curious as to what the Council would say about Shepard's report about Noveria. He was hoping that they were starting to believe her more and not be so dismissive. He enjoyed his career in the Alliance and all that he has seen and done. The rewards were few and far between but the human military out there in space did have an effect on the galaxy. A slight movement from his side brought his attention back to the present and Kaidan had to restrain his smile at seeing Shepard.

"Is this seat taken?" she asked.

"No, Commander." Kaidan motioned for her to take a seat. "Was there something you needed?"

"Some personal insight, Kaidan." She set her cup between her long fingers, looking into the dark depths of the coffee.

"So, something other than what a subordinate would say to his superior officer, I take it?"

A small smile flitted across her face before disappearing. Kaidan wished it would stay as it really did brighten up the woman's face. She had a tough career and met many trials, and he could tell that the new command and mission of going after a rogue Spectre weighed heavily on Mira's shoulders. "I need a friend's perspective of what has happened so far."

"Shepard, all you need to do is ask. I'm here for you." Kaidan told her sincerely. She looked up at him then, those incredible blue eyes speaking to him, showing gratitude and a measure of relief. "Noveria…well, you can't fully trust the corporations or their morals but they run under their own set of laws."

"And Benezia? Do you believe her about Saren's ship, Sovereign?"

Kaidan pursed his mouth briefly, thinking of what to say regarding Liara's mother. "I would say that anything is possible. This would mean that there is another factor in this chase for Saren. What is Sovereign? Who built it? Moreover, what is this indoctrination? How extensive is it that it can turn a respected and trusted Spectre against the Council? There are too many questions, Shepard, with no answers." He shook his head.

"I agree. We aren't finding any answers but keep getting more questions. We have to find information regarding this Conduit Saren is after. Is it a weapon? What is Saren after?" Shepard sighed.

"What is he after is a good question. How far will we go to stop him, is another question we need to consider, Shepard." Kaidan looked deep into her eyes, the gravity of their mission coming fully in the open.

"We do what we have to, to get the job done, Kaidan." She said quietly, meeting his gaze intently.

"Then, the Normandy will be there with you." He so wanted to say that he would be there at her side but that was too forward and intimate for a superior officer. Clearing his throat, Kiadan took a rather large gulp of his coffee.

"So," Shepard started, changing the subject, "what about you? All these years of running into each other, we never really got to know each other."

"No, we haven't. But then there was never time." Kaidan laughed softly. He held out his hand across the table to Shepard, "Hi, I'm Kaidan Alenko, your friendly neighborhood marine."

Shepard's throaty laugh sent shivers down his spine in a pleasurable way. She took his hand in a firm grasp, the hand was strong and supple, her fingers long as they wrapped around his. To Kaidan, it felt like a good fit, like finding a lost glove. "Pleased to meet you, Kaidan. I'm Mira Shepard, your above average marine and military brat." Her hand lingered in his as they met stares. Kaidan had to resist caressing along her thumb. He caught a flicker of something in her eyes as she slowly reclaimed her hand.

"Military brat?" He gave a small grin. "I haven't heard that in ages."

"You mentioned your father was Alliance."

"Retired now. He did his twenty years and was proud when I enlisted…eventually. After what happened at Jump Zero…" he stopped abruptly, his mouth hardening. Why did he go and mention that to her? He hasn't spoken about Jump Zero to anyone.

"That's Gagarin Station, right?" Shepard encouraged softly. "I remember my father had a special assignment there when I was young."

"Yeah, that is Gagarin Station but when it was owned by Conatix, it was nicknamed Jump Zero. It was a training facility for the first biotics before it closed."

"Training the L2 biotics, wasn't it?"

Kaidan nodded, looking into the last bit of cold coffee. Shepard waited for him to continue and surprisingly, Kaidan did. Inwardly, he was shaking his head, frightened what telling this woman about his early training would make her think of him. It was that Shepard was so easy to talk with. In a way, reliving that time at Jump Zero made Kaidan feel better and able to cope with the choices he made. When she didn't judge but listened, it made Kaidan talk more. "My past has been dealt with, Shepard, so don't worry about me going unstable or having issues. I accepted what I did and moved on."

"Easy, Alenko!" Shepard patted his hand, smiling at him in understanding. "We all have our personal demons from the past. There are two choices, either it consumes us or makes us a better person. I now understand why at the start of this mission that you held back on your biotics."

He couldn't help but give a small smile to her. Yes, the woman can be a bit standoffish but realized it was a defense mechanism in order to keep people at a distance. Kaidan felt proud to have reached the level in their relationship that trust and openness was allowed between him and Shepard. "Yes, that was why I restrained myself. But after Eden Prime," Kaidan shook his head, "I couldn't anymore. Our enemies are going to be tougher, faster, and harder to kill. They aren't ordinary soldiers or mercs."

"No, they aren't. Even the husks are no longer human." Shepard gave a little shudder.

"What about you, Shepard?" Kaidan turned the tables on her, "Despite what the newsvids tell of your career and everyone knows that, what is the real Shepard like?"

She shook her head and laughed gently, "I'm a military brat with both parents in the Alliance. You are talking about a life of endless picking up your things and changing locations every few years, whether it is a station or a ship. I haven't had a stable childhood or permanent home since I was born."

"Surely you got see a lot of things that most kids don't."

"Oh, sure, when you were allowed off post with class field trips. Shipboard life, even worse. There were a couple days during the year were the kids would go to 'work' with the parents. For me, that was exciting as I got access to the bridge during those times, and truly see the stars we were flying through."

"It must have been hard to have friends."

Shepard's smile faltered a little, "It was. Not that it was due to the constant moving nature of the military but….I was one of the few officer brats and got treated differently."

"Oh," Kaidan got another close insight into Shepard, understanding more about her reticent demeanor. It fell in line to how he was in his own childhood, being exposed to element zero and finding out he had biotic potential. People treated him differently because of his nature.

"I should be going," Shepard said as she looked at her empty cup, "I need to see if Liara is doing okay."

Kaidan nodded, "That would be a good idea. I can't say I completely trust her but she lost her mother today and that is difficult on any child." Standing up from his own chair as Shepard rose, Kaidan watched her leave. Their little talk did wonders for them. Shepard was a difficult woman to know but Kaidan could understand why but with time and being there for her, she would eventually let you in. There was something special about Shepard coming to him for personal input about matters. Kaidan never intentionally sought her out or even stood out for the commander to turn her attention on him. Things just progressed naturally. All Kaidan had to do now was keep his feelings about Shepard tightly under wraps. Regs were regs, and though Shepard answered to the Council now, she was still an Alliance Commander and his CO.

-/*\-

After the talk with Liara, Mira headed to her 'office' in the CO cabin. Even after the two months of commanding the Normandy, she still couldn't yet think of this as 'hers'. What a way to spend your birthday; doing a dangerous mission with a mixed crew of humans and aliens. However, the team was pulling together nicely. Despite some minor friction between Wrex and Garrus, when it came to battle, both of them were professionals. From the many talks with Tali, Mira genuinely looked forward to having that 'girl' time with the Quarian. Tali was like the little sister Mira never had.

Ashley was a good soldier, though a bit wary of aliens and with a slight chip on her shoulder. However, her determined attitude and skills made her valuable. Through some talks with her, Mira grew to like the younger woman. She was family orientated and had a deep faith that was lacking in many humans this day and age.

However, the highlight of Mira's day was the nice personal talk with Kaidan. They put aside their ranks for a short time and talked what they thought about the mission, and then about their lives. She felt bad that he talked more about his childhood than she did, but what could you say to liven up a military childhood? Still, watching his eyes, listening to the subtle inflections in his raspy voice, opened Mira's eyes to the man Kaidan was. He was open and honest with her. Mira never saw him that way with the other crewmembers, except for maybe Ashley, Garrus, and Joker. But there was something else and it was just for her alone in how Kaidan spoke and watched her. Rubbing her right hand on her thigh, Mira could still feel his warm grasp there.

A beep on her console broke into her ruminations and had her sit upright. Turning to the monitor, the email notification was blinking. Mira opened up the inbox and smiled as she saw an email from her mother. It was a recorded message, as Captain Hannah Shepard hated typing and preferred to have her voice heard with its happiness or concern, instead of words typed up on a screen. Pressing play on the recording, Mira sat there and listened.

'_My dear Mira, or Commander Shepard, that everyone is calling you these days. I wish we had more time to talk since our last communication when you asked about that former crewman. But this is your birthday and I wouldn't miss my daughter's birthday. I know you can't talk about the mission you are on but I do hope you stay safe and you have a good crew at your back….do take care, dear. I miss you.'_

Tears stood in Mira's eyes as her mother's voice stopped. Mother always sent her a birthday greeting, every year, even when she was in the academy. After father's death, Hannah Shepard grieved for a short time before heading back on duty. Mira missed her father even more, as she wouldn't have the usual birthday poem he read to her.

Her door chimed, startling Mira from her console. Wiping the tears from her eyes and face, she went over to answer it. When the doors opened, Mira was surprised to see Kaidan standing there, plate in hand with a cupcake sitting on it and a single candle burning.

"I …I hope I'm not being forward, Shepard, but…I realized that it was your birthday and no one was here to wish you a happy birthday."

A tremulous smile split her face as Mira stepped aside, inviting Kaidan into her cabin. He walked in and over to the little table that was in the room, setting the plate down. Mira's eyes wandered down to his ass, as the uniform shaped around it tightly when he bent over. Shaking her head from such thoughts about one of her officers, Mira walked over. "Thank you, Kaidan." Her hand rested on his bicep in thanks as he turned back to her. She swallowed as his body was very close to hers, and face mere inches apart. The spicy scent that Kaidan wore filled her nose, making a shiver run through her body, heating her skin. "Um, thanks," she repeated.

"You said that already." His voice was low and rough by some emotion being held back. "Make a wish, Shepard." He said, attempting to clear his throat.

Blinking her eyes, Mira looked up to Kaidan's dark eyes, seeing them smolder with something suppressed. Turning to the cupcake and the candle, she closed her eyes, thought for a moment what it would be like to kiss this man in front of her, and blew the candle out. Kaidan reached to pluck the candle out of the little cake and lay it gently down on the plate.

"I didn't know what you like but I hope chocolate was fine? It was all there was left in the mess." His voice remained low and throaty, which caressed sensually over Mira. She wanted him to stop talking but then continue to speak, if only to feel the tingle of pleasure his voice sent through her body. This couldn't happen, not on this ship, not while on duty (though technically, they weren't), and not under her command!

"Chocolate is fine. I'm not a big vanilla fan." Mira replied, looking at Kaidan. She had to move away, as they were standing too close, his scent and the warmth of his body was making it hard to think of Kaidan as other than a Lieutenant and 2nd officer of the Normandy. Her feet and body refused to answer to her logical head's demand.

"Good." His breathing was shallow and hitched. "Happy birthday, Shepard." With some effort, Kaidan took a step back, nodded his farewell, and turned to leave.

When he left, Mira breathed in deeply. Kaidan's scent still lingered in the air, making her moan a little at what almost was crossed. There was a definite palpable attraction between them, as Mira was pulled in by Kaidan's smile, voice, and his expressive dark eyes. Today, she took more notice of it than ever, her body responding sharply to how close he was to her in this cabin. "Come on, Shepard, you need to calm down. He is your Lieutenant!" Even as she said 'Her Lieutenant', she groaned, knowing that there was a slight possessive and sensual aspect to the title. Looking down at the frosted cupcake, Mira smiled. The man was thoughtful and wished her a happy birthday. Sitting down, Mira swiped her finger across the frosting and popped it into her mouth.

-/*\-

He had to find a dark corner to stand in, body pressed against the cool bulkhead, willing it cool down after standing so close to Shepard. There was a subtle shift between them in the cabin, as the attraction became mutually known. Her lips were mere inches from his, the smell of lavender surrounded his thoughts, and Shepard's contralto voice caressed over him. Damn, he wasn't going to let his happen! Shepard would never know that he was so close to kissing her if he hadn't pulled hard on his body to step away from her. It was too long since he last been with a woman but there was something special about Shepard that reeled him in like a helpless fish.

Shepard was a battle-tested and scarred soldier, more than able to take care of herself in a fight. She certainly didn't need protecting but Kaidan couldn't help but wanting to be her protector. Their talk earlier that day showed a small part of a lonely girl inside. Circumstance made the woman a strong willed person that didn't put up with bullshit, but like him when he was growing up and during his time at Jump Zero, the need for being accepted as you are was there deep inside. While Kaidan dealt with the stigma of being an L2 biotic, Shepard dealt with the loneliness and distrust of being a full adept.

However, Kaidan caught her at a vulnerable time in the captain's cabin. Despite the dim lighting, he saw that she had been crying. Looking up her personnel record, Kaidan took note of her birthday and today's date. He had gone to the mess to scrounge up something to give her, to let her know that someone thought of her. Ship captains were often thought as unapproachable and thus no one thought about little things like wishing them a happy birthday. One thing that Kaidan learned on the Cairo, the captain was still part of the crew and had feelings like everyone else. They also needed to know that someone thought of them on their own birthdays. So, he thought, what harm was there in surprising Shepard with a little bit of cake and a candle? What Kaidan hadn't expected was the strong pull and closeness of their bodies, or how hard it was to step away from Shepard. He saw it in her eyes too, that she was struggling against the pull of mutual attraction.

"Kaidan-boy, you better pull yourself together." He growled to himself as he willed the little throbs in his groin away.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

October 2183

If anyone had told her that choosing who was to die under her watch was part of command, Mira would have never accepted the role.

"_Commander, get your ass out of here!" Ashley yelled at her in the earpiece._

"_Ashley..." Shepard began._

"_I know, Shepard. It's been a pleasure and honor serving with you." The comm's fell silent and Mira stiffened her lip, logically knowing that making sure the bomb went off was tantamount over saving the last team at the other AA tower. Turning away from the walkway leading to the AA tower, Mira and her squad headed back to the bombsite and Kaidan._

Virmire was forever etched in her mind, as was Elysium, and Eden Prime. These were the hard command decision points of her life and career. Part of her knew that leaving Kaidan behind was unacceptable. Over the weeks, their time spent talking over missions or getting to know each other, was important to her. Mira had to admit to herself, Kaidan was no longer a subordinate. He was a friend and more, as she had come to truly love and rely on the man.

He was angry with her and with himself, as Ashley was directly under his command as part of the marine detachment. Mira could deal with the anger directed at her, for in her mind, she debated endlessly whether it was more her heart that made the decision to save him, or practicality. Thus, when she spotted Kaidan mulling over his coffee mug in the empty mess hall, her stomach churned unpleasantly. Mira was still fuming over the meeting with the Council, recalling her and the Normandy back to the Citadel.

"Kaidan..." she spoke quietly.

"Shepard." he looked up, his eyes reddened from unshed tears. "Can we talk?"

Nodding, she took a seat across from him, laying her hands flat on the table, so she could keep them from fidgeting in her lap. Mira was taken by surprise when Kaidan covered her hands with his, squeezing them with reassurance and affection. "We are going back to the Citadel." She kicked herself as that was not how she wanted to start the conversation.

"Joker told me. I can't believe the Council is recalling us! We know where the conduit is and they want to yank us away from pursuing Saren." Kaidan's mouth set in a bitter hard line.

"I guess they figure that they will need all ships available to stop the geth fleet at the Citadel." Mira snorted. Kaidan's eyes stared into her intensely and softened.

He shook his head, "How do you deal with losing soldiers under you, Shepard?"

Mira sighed heavily, trying to pull her hands back but Kaidan held them fast in his."A soldier signs up to do a job, a dangerous job at times. Each one knows the risks. That is not to say I don't regret losing a single one under my command, I do. But...it tells me that I need to be better, need to find the mistake I made, work on that so it doesn't happen again."

"This time, Shepard, there is no mistake. Ashley sacrificed herself for us. How will you move on from this?"

"I..." Mira paused, at a loss for words. Kaidan's thumbs caressed across her knuckles, showing her he wasn't angry anymore but concerned. "To be honest, I don't know." she whispered. "I never had anyone sacrifice themselves for me, just to save the mission."

"Mira," Kaidan said her first name for the first time, speaking as a friend and with the unspoken, forbidden affection they felt. "You gained everyone's loyalty on the Normandy. You are their Commander and each of us will go through hell and back with you. You are not alone, and if something puts you in harm's way and threatens the ultimate goal, we will gladly die for you. No one can defeat Saren and the Reapers but you."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence!" Mira gave a sarcastic smile. Kaidan's mouth twitched, knowing this was her way of dealing with pain and stress.

"You have everyone's vote, and had Ashley's. We lost a good soldier, and I know I will forever remember this and keep going over the decision that was made but I know you made the logical decision. I wish..." he dropped his eyes for a brief moment.

"That it wasn't clouded with how we feel toward each other?" Mira said softly, being blunt. Kaidan nodded, raising her hands to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly. It sent a shiver down her spine when he did that. Regulations were a damning thing when it came between two people who deeply cared about each other serving on the same ship.

"I know Ashley would have done it again, if the decision came again. This is just the first loss I've had under my command and I'm still in shock."

"I understand." With that, Kaidan let go of her hands when the sound of the elevator was heard. He got up from the table with his mug and took it to the small galley. Mira stood up and headed for her cabin, because all she could do now was wait until they reached the Citadel.

-/*\-

Kaidan sat at the station next to Joker in the cockpit after leaving Shepard. She was putting on a brave front for everyone but he saw behind that mask she wore, Virmire was tearing her up inside. Losing Ashley under his command was a blow that hit him hard. What Shepard said about soldiers sign up for risk and danger, knowing that one day they will die in the line of duty, was right. It still didn't help when you were close friends with that soldier and they died serving under you. First, Jenkins and now Ashley, both lost in the line of duty under his watch. However, in Shepard fashion whenever grief and pain presented itself, she pushed it down. He hated it when she did that because no matter what, that suppressed grief will rear itself at a later point. A flash of memory regarding the outcome of her first mission when the Cairo picked Shepard and Anderson up, with the dead body of Oskarsson was brought to mind. At that time, Shepard furiously released her anger and grief at that loss, nearly losing control over her biotics and just about punched a hole through the cargo bay. Kaidan still winced at the power she pushed at him through his stasis field.

Now, Shepard kept tight control and pushed away the negative emotions. Shaking his head, Kaidan had to marvel at her strength of will. Only, he couldn't be that strong and needed time to vent his own grief. Joker was brooding like a dark cloud next to him, each man silent in his own thoughts.

"Why did she have to choose?" Joker asked in the silence.

"There wasn't time to save both groups." Kaidan replied.

"Yeah yeah, I know that. But..." the pilot turned toward his friend. "was it the right decision to choose you? I swear, you two have so much sexual tension between you that I think it muddies up the Commander's thinking."

Kaidan was shocked into silence at the observation. Of course, there was scuttlebutt on the ship regarding Kaidan's affection on a certain Commander and the crew was okay with that. Liara didn't like it, as she was enamored with Shepard. Ashley would tease him endlessly when they would check out the guns between missions. "Shepard was thinking clearly, despite any other thoughts that may or may not have been running through her head. The bomb needed to be set and Saren and his geth were overrunning my position. If she hadn't gotten there...we wouldn't be here."

Joker sighed, "I suppose you are right. Still, it stinks."

"Ashley will always be with us, Joker." Kaidan looked at the console interface, not really seeing it.

"We are at the Citadel relay." Joker announced a grim look on his face. "I still can't believe they recalled us!"

"They must have a reason."

"Always the optimist, Alenko. I bet you they are going to ground the Normandy."

"For once, I am going to agree with you." He wanted to think otherwise of the Council and Alliance but a niggling feeling in his gut told him something was going to happen and they weren't going to like it.

-/*\-

She was furious! Mira stormed out of the Council chamber, not waiting for Kaidan or Tali. Udina, that officious bastard sold her out. Only if Anderson was there, but he was tied up somewhere. Probably with no thanks to Udina's intervention. The Council and Udina grounded the Normandy and her crew! When she reached the elevator, Mira pounded on the door control and stood there shaking in anger while the car took its slow descent down to the Presidium. Anyone who saw the look on her face steered far away from the seething Spectre.

After all that they had done, the Council refused to believe that Saren was not acting under his own volition and the real threat was the Reaper Sovereign! At least one consolation, they were calling in the various fleets to the Citadel to prepare for the coming geth fleet. However, there was a major weak spot they failed to take into account and that was the Conduit on Ilos, and Saren had one hell of a head start.

"That fucking, spineless bastard!" Mira muttered under breath as she stormed through C-Sec and to the dock where the Normandy was berthed.

The decontamination beam at the Normandy's hatch ran over her and proceeded to open the hatch door. Her anger flared more as she saw the red lock on the console and heard Joker's own profuse cussing. Electric blue energy swirled around her hands in agitation as Joker heard her board the Normandy.

"Joker, contact the embassy and try to get a hold of Anderson!"

The pilot did that and met with a disrupted little chirp. Shaking his head, Joker tried the Alliance offices and met with the same block. "I'm sorry, Commander. All calls from the Normandy are blocked. Udina has shut us out from the Citadel communications."

"Bastard!" Mira growled.

Mira strode through the ship, her lips compressed into a thin line of suppressed anger. When she reached her locker outside of sickbay, Mira finally stopped, laying her hands on the top and bent over. Her body was shaking from so much anger being contained that she didn't know what to do in releasing it. She hadn't felt like this since Garrett's death. One thing now compared to that time, Mira had tighter control on the biotics, though it leaked out now in her anger but not with the sheer destructive power she knew it held if unchecked. Punching the locker, Mira growled out her frustration at the helplessness she felt. The soft tread of boots on the deck alerted her to Kaidan's presence. Also, his energy buzzed at her, sending a shiver down her spine. Turning around and slamming back on the locker with her back, Mira slid down to the deck, resting her head back and looking up at Kaidan.

"So, now what, Shepard?" he asked in his unflappable quiet way. "There has got to be a way to contact someone..."

"I've tried. All channels are closed." She bit out with restrained anger. "Udina has effectively shut down the Normandy and getting out any messages to any allies we have on the Citadel." Mira said bitterly.

"That's it then? You are going to give up? You are going to sit here and let Saren win? That's not the Shepard I know."

"Do you think I want to, Kaidan? Short of mutiny, there is still the matter of the lock on the Normandy! Unless we want to go storming through C-Sec Flight Control, we are good as dead before Saren and his fleet ever get here." Mira knocked her head back on the locker.

Kaidan shook his head, "I can't believe I'm hearing this. Yes, Udina was an ass in the Council Chambers but he's a minor annoyance. There has to be some way to get a hold of Anderson." He put a hand to his chin in thought.

"Can you just for once, tell me it is going to be alright? A girl needs to hear empty platitudes every now and then." Her eyes met his with need.

Kaidan paused in what he was going to say, eyes softening, "Everything will turn out fine, Mira." He held out his hand out to help her up from the deck.

Grabbing it, Mira let herself be helped up, though Kaidan pulled a little too hard and caught her to help balance them both. She felt his arm slide around her waist, holding her close to him. Her own arms wrapped around his arms, feeling the muscles move and tense under her touch. Kaidan's eyes smoldered into hers, making her drown in the dark depths. A flush of heat traveled through her body making her heart beat faster with the intimacy. Their faces drew closer together; the irresistible pull intense and overwhelming. Mira's head screamed at her that this shouldn't be done with a subordinate but the irrational, emotional side was all for having Kaidan's lips on her own, just as his strong arms pulled her closer and intimately.

Mira could feel his breath across her lips as they were so very near to brushing hers, the heat coming off his body nearly burning her with the restrained passion. She ached to feel Kaidan's mouth on hers, to drown in his gaze, to forget about the Council and the ambassador for just a few moments. The initial brush sparked between them and then the moment was rudely broken.

"Commander, you have an incoming call from Captain Anderson." Joker interrupted with his impeccable timing.

Kaidan suddenly released her, guilt written on the face and in his eyes, as he tried to place his implacable facade back on. Mira only could curse under her breath and swore that someday, Joker will have his due for his untimely calls. "I'll be up there in a minute, Joker." Mira was proud at how strong and steady her voice was.

"Maybe this is good news." Kaidan said hopefully.

"Maybe." Mira shook her head and headed toward the stairs up to the CIC.

-/*\-

He was so close to kissing her and then Joker's uncanny knack for disrupting things put a screeching halt on things. Kaidan's face and body flushed from the brief encounter with Mira, that he had to stand aside from her and take a moment to calm his body down. Those dusky blue eyes called to him, and he admitted that he could get lost in them. Shepard was still tense from the anger that boiled in her from the Council's decision to ground her and the Normandy but oddly, that just attracted Kaidan more. It showed that under that calm commander role, Mira was just as human as anyone was and well, it turned her dusky blue eyes to stormy grey. If only he could have kissed away that hard line to her mouth.

Kaidan followed Shepard up to the CIC, trying hard to not be distracted by the way her body swayed as her legs climbed up the steps. His mask was firmly on when the doors opened and they joined Joker holding vigil over the locked controls. Joker smirked at Kaidan and Shepard, privy to a little a secret that he interrupted, or more like, Anderson interrupted.

"Patch him through, Joker." Shepard said.

"_Shepard, I'm glad to have gotten a hold of you. I think I can fix your dilemma. Meet me at the Flux in an hour."_

"What is this about, Captain?"

"_I'd rather not say over an open comm. But let's say that you and the Normandy sitting there at dock is doing no one any good."_

Shepard looked over to Kaidan, who raised a questioning eyebrow back at her. She told Anderson she would see him an hour and turned to Kaidan. "I want you to join me when we meet up with Anderson."

"Oh, nice. You get to go for drinks with the captain, maybe dance it up some while the rest of us sit here, caged and unable to step foot in a bar and grab a beer." Joker chuckled.

"This is no time for smarmy remarks, Joker." Shepard chided him. "After all, if we can get the Normandy released, you will be able to fly us out of here."

"Since you put it that way, what are you waiting for! Get my ship free!"

Shepard rolled her eyes at the acerbic pilot and nodded her head back to the CIC. Kaidan was curious as to why she wanted him at the meeting but waited for answers until they reached the comm room and she turned on him. "You are probably why I'm asking you to come with me."

"You really have a knack for reading my thoughts, Shepard." He half-smiled at her.

"Only because I can anticipate certain things about you, Kaidan." She returned his smile with an open grin.

Impulsively, Kaidan took the two steps toward Shepard, wrapped an arm around her waist, and reached a hand to her face, his fingers entangling in her shoulder-length golden brown hair. He brought her face close to his, his breathing quickened as leaned over to brush Shepard's lips. When he felt no resistance, his lips pressed more on her supple, full mouth. Their biotics flared briefly, as control slipped a little and then merged, shocking both of them. Shepard pulled back from the kiss first; her lips parted and eyes searching his.

Kaidan only waited for ten years to hold Shepard like this in his arms and kiss her, and now, that he did on an impulse, it almost was surreal. She felt so right being there, as she had those times throughout their careers._ 'Dad, you were right. Having patience has rewarded well.'_

"Kaidan..." Shepard spoke so softly and with some regret, which brought a little bit of doubt into Kaidan's head that she didn't feel the same or that he was being presumptuous. Her forehead rested against his and he could feel her hand caressing along his jaw, "I would love for this to continue but..."

He groaned, knowing what Shepard was going to say. "Regs."

"Trust me, I would love to have them thrown out the airlock! I would rather take you aside..."

"Shhh, I know and I understand. You don't need to say anything more. I've waited all these years..."

"Years?" Shepard looked at him in surprise.

_'Oh, shit, did I say that?'_ Kaidan mentally kicked himself for that slip up. "I...um..." he stuttered when he was put on the spot._ 'Damn, this woman has a way of undoing me!'_

"So, Lieutenant Alenko, do you have something to confess?" Her mouth quirked so adoringly into that lopsided grin of hers, that Kaidan had to resist in kissing Mira again.

"Well, um, you see, since I've first met you...back at the academy...damn, this isn't going well!"

"I think I struck you speechless again." Her eyes twinkled merrily.

"So, why did you want me along to go see Anderson?" Kaidan's face felt hot, as his mind couldn't coherently come up with a plausible reason to tell Shepard that he felt attracted to her since he first noticed her legs walking away from him after meeting with Hackett at OCS.

"Nice change of subject, Alenko, but I will let you off this time. Yes, you were there at the Council meeting and I figure that Anderson would need another perspective of how Udina dumped on us to the Council."

And just like that, Shepard was all business again. The small break of intimacy was pushed aside to focus on the current issue of duty. Kaidan didn't mind, as they were stuck and needed to get back on the chase after Saren. Removing his arms with reluctance, Kaidan widened the space between them, regaining his professional demeanor. "That would be useful. I'm sure Anderson knows what Udina is like but I can see where your perspective might be a little clouded to tell the facts in an unbiased fashion."

Shepard laughed, "You could say that."

"I still can't believe you threatened Udina!" Kaidan let himself give a smirk to Shepard.

"It felt...liberating." She admitted. "I've always been the good little soldier with the 'yes, sir' 'yes, ma'am' and following orders though I may disagree with them at times. But I remembered that I am under the Council's jurisdiction as a Spectre now and don't directly answer to Udina."

"Don't let it go to your head, Shepard. He's a weasel but he may be useful in the future." Kaidan sobered suddenly.

She turned away and sighed heavily, shoulders slumping a little, Kaidan took notice. Shepard was carrying a heavy load and never once complained to anyone. Only now, when her words were not being heeded about a galactic threat was her calm, cool facade starting to wear thin. Anyone else filling her shoes would have snapped from the strain long before now. Kaidan rested his hands on her shoulders in support and comfort, relishing silently as she leaned back into him. "I can't let it go to my head. Too many depend on me to be strong and levelheaded, to go take care of a threat to the Council. If I lose any kind of focus, then we all will be in trouble. You should remember the mess I was after that first assignment I had and you had to place that stasis field on me."

"I remember. You really taxed my limits that day." Kaidan admitted somberly.

"I can't afford to lose that kind of control again. Next time, you may not be able to stop me." Shepard sighed.

"Maybe, maybe not, Shepard. My own abilities have grown stronger since then." He felt Shepard turn back around to face him, searching his eyes.

"I don't want to ever put you in that situation again, Kaidan."

"Mira," he stared intently into her blue depths, always able to read Shepard's state of mind through them, seeing her concern for him lying in the recesses of her eyes made a lump form in his throat. "I will always be there when you least expect it and when you most need it. I have been there off and on throughout these past ten years for you, believe it or not. You may not have given me a second thought after you left again to go on another N7 assignment but when you needed someone, I was there at the right time and the right place."

A flicker of a shy smile crossed Shepard's face. "I never really forgot you, Kaidan Alenko. Not since you first stood at attention at the Commandant's door, or beating that poor punching bag to death in the gym, or your graduation night, when I helped you back to your room."

"One of my most inglorious moments." Kaidan groaned.

"True," Shepard gave a soft chuckle.

"Thanks, rub it in some more."

"Part of our growing pains through the years."

"Commander," Joker piped through the comm system, "it's time."

"He has either lousy or great timing, depending if you really think he is a sadistic bastard." Kaidan growled softly but with a ghost of a smile on his face.

"D, all of the above." Shepard laughed. "Come, let's see if we can get off this station and go after Saren."

-/*\-

Mira, Kaidan and Joker waited in the cockpit, staring at the pilots console and the angry red glare of the docking lock on the Normandy. It had been half an hour since the meeting with Anderson and Mira couldn't help but be a little impatient in wanting to get free and back on the road to Saren. She gripped the back of Joker's chair tightly, the only sign of her growing worry and impatience.

"I wish he'd hurry up and deck Udina!" Joker snarled quietly.

"Give it time, Joker."

As if on cue, the red turned green and the flight controls were scrolling across the screen. "We are green, Commander!" his voice cheered as his hands immediately flew over the console.

"Start up the engines and get us out of here, Joker!" Mira patted the chair. "Next stop, Ilos."

"Aye aye, ma'am."

The commander turned to Kaidan and smiled to him, striding down the catwalk with long strides as she headed for the galactic map. When Mira reached the platform, the map flickered on, showing the Milky Way and the blinking indicator that depicted the Normandy's current location. Kaidan stopped at the base of the platform, watching and waiting. Mira looked over the amount of relay jumps it was going to take to get to the Mu system and plotted the course. Snatches of murmured talk from the crew on the CIC deck reached Mira and she was surprised to hear approval for her mutiny. Kaidan had been right when he said the crew was loyal to her and they were ready to ride to hell with her leading the way. The feeling of immense pride in her crew filled her, making her blink away the forming tears.

"Lieutenant, please make sure all weapons and armor are checked and ready." Mira caught Kaidan's half-smile at her.

"Aye, ma'am, on my way." he saluted Mira and turned to head down to the Engineering deck.

"Course plotted, Joker." She informed the pilot.

"Received and confirmed, Commander. ETA to Ilos is eight hours and twenty-three minutes."

"Inform me when we reach the Mu relay."

"Aye, Commander."

The tingle of anticipation ran through her body as the hunt began again. What to expect, Mira could only guess but she expected a fleet of geth ships. They were still flying on a lot of half-formed theories about what the Conduit is and its purpose but once they reach Ilos, Mira was sure there were answers there. The last hope of the Prothean civilization was there. Mira stepped off the command platform and started her usual rounds of the ship's stations, chatting briefly with various crewmembers. They smiled at her, letting her know that they were glad to be back on Saren's trail. Pressly was giddy and nervous but excited to be back on their mission, even if at the end, if they survived, they would all be court martialed for mutiny.

Mira went to the sickbay last and saw Dr. Chakwas fiddling with something at her desk. The doctor looked up at her entrance and smiled. "Commander, you are taking a huge risk by stealing the Normandy to go after Saren."

"I know but there was no other choice."

"I agree and I hope you are right about this, Shepard. If not, we will all be court martialed or not even alive to see that. I will admit, I find this exciting that we are nearing the end." the doctor's face broke into a smile.

"It is exciting in a way. I am a bit nervous about going into a fight and not knowing the battleground as well I should. I don't know how to tactically plan what is coming next."

"You will do fine, Shepard. You spent most of your career flying by the seat of your pants while in battle. You have learned to assess the battlefield quickly and adapt your game-plan."

Mira sighed, "I'm glad you have such confidence in me, Doctor."

The older woman's gaze softened at her, "We all do, Commander. Don't forget that. Now, try and get some rest before we reach Ilos."

"I will try but it won't happen. I never can get my nerves to settle right before a battle, to condone any time of sleep." Mira shook her head and took her leave of the doctor. She headed across the Crew Deck toward her quarters, noticing that Kaidan was at his usual post but lost in thought. He didn't notice her walk by as she went through the doors into the dimly lighted room. Her hand rested on the lighting panel, lowering the lighting and proceeded to her desk. Mira looked at the Star of Terra that was awarded after the battle on Elysium, her fingers playing over the star shaped medal and grosgrain ribbon. Mira closed her eyes, going back to that battle where the odds were against her then, with her CO killed and she was in command of what was left of her marines and civilians.

The soft shush of the doors opening into her quarters made Mira's eyes snap open. The silhouette of Kaidan greeted her as he hesitated at the threshold and finally deciding to enter fully into her quarters.

"Commander?" Kaidan's sexy raspy voice called to her in the near dark.

"You probably shouldn't call me that. Heh, I probably shouldn't even be wearing this uniform." She replied while standing up from her seat at the desk and met her Lieutenant halfway in the cabin.

Kaidan crossed his arms and rested his chin on one hand. "Yeah, hell of a thing, isn't it? We broke our oath to defend the Alliance, so we can keep it." He looked at her intensely, dropped his arms again, agitation showing through his face. "What happens if this doesn't work out, Mira? We've mutinied, stole a prototype warship, and if they wanted to get technical, they could throw in kidnapping." He shook his head and gave a sardonic chuckle. "We are hell of an example of humanity's best and brightest! In some way, what Saren says about humans is correct."

"I keep reminding myself we are doing the right thing." Mira gave a little shrug of her shoulders and gave Kaidan a tentative smile back. "I don't believe me yet. I have to keep on convincing myself that this is the right course. I have to, for everyone's sake!"

"Well," Kaidan's eyes locked on hers burning in intensity, making Mira's skin flush with heat. "if I didn't think you were doing the right thing, I wouldn't be here. It will really hit the fan when we get to Ilos." He paused for a moment, his gaze never wavering from her face. "If things don't go well, I want you to know, well," Kaidan stepped nearer to Mira, making the hairs on the back of her neck rise from the static energy coming off him. "I've enjoyed serving under you."

"Kaidan," Mira's voice dropped lower, as their bodies closed the space between them. "you've stopped being a subordinate a long time ago. Don't you think it's time to stop acting like it?" She never flinched from his dark gaze, seeing the walls fall first before he spoke again.

"Battlefield flirting is one thing, Mira. There are regs against fraternization, as we keep telling each other repeatedly. I guess breach of protocol will be far down the list of charges at our court martial." he laughed quietly and then sighed deeply. "You know what, you're right...about everything. I think about losing you and I can't stand it!" His hand rose up to caress at Mira's cheek. "And the galaxy will keep going, everything will just keep going. Everything...even the Reaper's will come around again." His fingers cupped her face, as Kaidan pressed against Mira. Kaidan's voice dropped more, getting huskier, "But you and I...we...are important right now. This is what will never happen again. Us. Mira," Kaidan's eyes took in Mira's face as want and desire burned through those brown depths. "you make me feel...human."

Mira's resolve had crumbled when he entered her cabin and when this incredible man opened up to her, her heart thudded hard against her chest. She couldn't put into words as eloquently as he had about what she was feeling about him. Impulsively, Mira asked, "Bunk here tonight, Kaidan, with me."

"Is that an order, Commander?" a small smile played on his lips.

"I'm not looking for a pet, Kaidan." Mira's mouth turned a little at the corners but his thumb smoothed that away. "I would have gone elsewhere for that."

"I'm glad you didn't." He said as relief shone through his intense gaze. "This can't change anything, Mira. This is a good crew, the finest I've served with. I don't want to mess it up." His voice trailed off, rumbling in his chest.

Mira found her mouth on Kaidan's, kissing him deeply while feeling his tongue push through her lips. She met his desire while she took in mouth and tongue, hers exploring and teasing over the inside of Kaidan's mouth and tongue. His arms wrapped around her tightly, their bodies flaring with heat, desire, and dark energy. Running her hands through Kaidan's thick hair, Mira was surprised to find how soft it was and how easily it was muss up. When she pulled back from the kiss, a little breathless, her blue eyes looked into Kaidan's face. The dark hair hung around his face and into his eyes, and adding the day's growth of stubble on his cheeks and chin as it rasped against her hands, made Mira ache for Kaidan even more.

Her hands slid down his back and tugged at the ACU shirt, sliding it up Kaidan's torso. The man kept in the same shape from what she first remembered of him, sweat soaked at the academy's gym. Now, Mira could freely run her hands over Kaidan's physique, feeling each sculpted muscle group. She could feel him tremble under her exploring touch and moan softly as his arms pulled her tighter against his own body. Kaidan's arousal and desire was strongly felt through the fabric of both sets of pants. Kaidan pulled her own shirt up roughly and over her head, throwing the offending article to the side. They worked at each other's belts, mouths kissing hungrily and hands sliding over well-toned bodies, as the last of the clothing were pushed aside.

She pushed Kaidan back onto her bed, eyes drinking in this lovely man before her. Kaidan scooted back and watched Mira intently as she got onto the bed and crawled up his body, dipping down to lay kisses at the top of the hairline of his groin and trailing the faint line up the abdomen. When she got closer to his face, Kaidan reached up to her head, his hand grabbing her hair, to pull her down for a deep and passionate kiss. He rolled Mira on back, his hardness pressing between her legs. With a smooth motion, Kaidan slipped into Mira, eliciting a moan from her into his mouth.

Gone was the line between commander and lieutenant as two bodies rocked together with moans of desire, two people came together in love and passion. Even with the desperate hour of destiny approaching, Mira drank in her fill of Kaidan. The first climax was over with quickly because both of them were so wired from months of denied desire. After that, there was more exploration, prodding, and teasing before they joined again.

Exhausted, Mira's head laid on Kaidan's chest, listening to the steady and strong beat of his heart. One of his arms lay around her shoulders while the other was behind his head. Mira's lanky body stretched out half on Kaidan, her leg wrapped around his possessively. This was by far, the most satisfying lovemaking she had in years. As her arm wrapped around Kaidan's torso, Mira could only think of one time that she ever felt so completely at peace and...safe. That was with Garrett. However, with Kaidan, a deep connection was between them.

_'Damn the regs!'_ Mira's inner voice shouted. _'Not that the crew doesn't suspect that there is something going on between you and Kaidan.'_

The steady and even breathing indicated that Kaidan was asleep. Sleep still eluded her but then, it always did the night before a battle. Not there was going to be much time for a good sleep. As Mira checked the clock, she groaned softly as there was less than an hour before they reached the Mu relay. Quietly sliding out of Kaidan's embrace and out of bed, Mira went to the small bathroom and showered.

When she got out and dressed in her uniform again, Mira sat at the edge of her desk and took in the sight of Kaidan's six-foot-two frame, stretched out in naked glory on her bed. A smile played on her lips as she thought about 'Her Lieutenant'. But that wasn't even true, as it was now 'Her Kaidan'. A soft rustle brought her attention back to the man stirring on the bed raising himself upright on one elbow, smiling at her softly, unconscious of his naked form.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to wake you." Mira said.

"You didn't. I was already awake before you came out of the shower. I sleep for shit before a major op." Kaidan confessed.

Mira chuckled, "So do I." Silence settled between them as they looked into each other's eyes.

"It's been a long time since I've met a woman who...uh..." Kaidan started.

"_Bridge to Commander Shepard."_ Joker's voice broke through loudly, interrupting Kaidan. _"We are five minutes out from the Mu relay."_

The silence fell again as Mira looked at Kaidan, reality imposing itself once again on them. "You are a sweetheart, Kaidan." Mira said, knowing she wanted to say more but that was all that would come out.

He responded softly, "Joker is waiting for you on the bridge." Kaidan's eyes sent Mira one last longing look of affection. "I swear though, if anything happens to you..." he started to choke out but couldn't finish that train of thought.

Mira stood up from the desk and before Kaidan at the bed. Reaching a hand out to caress his face, Kaidan leaned into the gesture, placing his own hand over hers and turning to kiss the palm. With nothing more to say, Mira headed to the door of her cabin, leaving Kaidan to ready himself while she headed up to the bridge. It was time to be Commander Shepard again.


	10. Chapter 10 Hero's Reward

**Chapter 10**

Once the MAKO was dropped planet-side on Ilos, Joker flew like a bat out of hell, his hands working furiously over the console plotting a fast track back through the Mu Relay. Pressly set navigation with a course back to Arcturus, per Shepard's orders. The pilot wasn't going to let her down, as the Normandy left the squad to find the Conduit and they went to go join 5th Fleet. The Commander had a suspicion that the Conduit was a relay, not a weapon. As to where it where it went to, they hoped and prayed to God, that it led back to the Citadel.

"There are ships breaking off from the group!" Pressly exclaimed.

"I see them!" Joker said calmly and sent the command from engineering to send more power to the engines. The Normandy seemed to scream as she tore through space in a race to reach the Mu Relay before the geth. Joker counted under his breath. "7…6…5…4…3…2….1…"

"Relay active!" Pressly cried.

"Next stop, Arcturus!" Joker grimly spat out, as the energy from the relay grabbed the Normandy, stretching the ship out briefly and shot them into hyperspace, leaving the geth ships behind them.

The stars returned to normal as they exited into Arcturus and were greeted by Earth's human fleet. They were hailed immediately_. "SSV Normandy, this is Admiral Hackett. I won't put you under arrest at the moment but stand by for immediate boarding!"_ The admiral's dry voice bit out hard over the comms.

"Understood, Admiral." Joker responded, while Pressly's mouth gaped open in shock.

After a few minutes, the thunk of the docking hatch on the Normandy resounded in the cockpit and the ship's computer announced Hackett's arrival. Pressly went to the hatch and opened it, saluting the 5th Fleet admiral aboard the Normandy. The graying man returned the XO's salute and looked around, as if expecting Shepard to be aboard.

"Report." He snapped.

"Commander Shepard, Lieutenant Alenko and Garrus Vakerian went down to Ilos, sir. They are chasing Saren through the Prothean ruins. We lost contact with the squad after the geth initiated their jamming beacons."

"What are their odds for success?" Hackett asked.

Pressly frowned but stood straighter, "It's Commander Shepard, sir. Odds are slim but she pulls through the impossible."

The admiral barked out a dry laugh and smiled, clapping the navigator on the shoulder. "That is why she is the best, Pressly. She has a good crew, too. We will overlook that the Normandy mutinied and left the Citadel against orders, shall we?" He cocked an eyebrow at the XO.

"Yes, sir!" Pressly smiled in relief.

"Joker!" Hackett then bellowed to the pilot. "The fleet is assembled at the Widow Relay. Take the Normandy there and take point, mister."

"Aye aye, sir!" the pilot turned back to his console with a grin.

"Will you be returning to your ship, Admiral?" Pressly asked?

"No. I will be commanding the Normandy in lieu of Shepard's absence. We will be waiting word from Anderson and the Council for when the geth arrive at the Citadel. Until then, we will prepare for a fight. Pressly, get me status reports of all stations and set up a simultaneous communication relay between the fleet."

"Aye aye, sir!" Pressly saluted Hackett and went off to do his duties.

-/*\-

Finally, the Sovereign avatar was dead. Kaidan still flickered with a dark blue corona, as did Shepard. They were both panting heavily from the battle. Garrus's mandibles fluttered outward as he snapped his sniper rifle to his back. The shuddering and groaning as metal was stressed and a bright light through the spire's windows had them all look up. The Reaper ship was exploding and parts of it started raining down on the embattled Citadel. Shepard looked up to see a huge piece looming toward the Council chambers.

"Go!" she yelled. "GET OUT!" and she pushed Garrus and Kaidan up the wedged platform to the garden that led back up to the main chamber. They scrambled up the metal and reached the chamber in time to rush down the stairs. The debris of metal and glass rained down everywhere around them and Kaidan couldn't tell if Shepard had followed them.

Garrus shoved Kaidan behind the cover of one of the larger boulders in one of the gardens as a large piece fell over them, trapping them under the wreckage against the spongy ground. It seemed like an eternity that the debris and wreckage fell on top of their cover. Garrus tried pushing against the metal surrounding them but met to no avail. Kaidan kept thinking about Shepard, hoping she found cover and was safe. Exhaustion was setting in after the adrenaline rush faded away from combat.

"Do you think Shepard made it?" the turian C-Sec officer said.

"Of course she did." She has to, he thought, as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. All they could do now was wait for a rescue team. He shifted into a more comfortable position and relived what happened just a few hours ago between him and Shepard. The woman got under his skin and into his soul. He had gradually fallen in love with Shepard over the years, seeing her at her most vulnerable, to her fiercest and demanding role as a commanding officer. He loved it all, but the littlest things endeared to him the most. Such as how she absently pushed her rich brown hair behind her ears, how her fingers would tap on the surface of a table to some tune in her head when she was thinking about something. The woman also drove herself the hardest of any of the crew on the Normandy, giving little care about herself but looked out for each and every one of them. Especially him. Though she had admitted to him that taking special interest in their 'talks' was something she had never done before with previous squadmates. That was when Kaidan knew that she thought more of him than a fellow marine who periodically rescued her from perilous missions throughout her career.

When he worked up his courage to throw regulations out about fraternization, Kaidan went into it with a sound mind and steady heart. He couldn't take it anymore in not letting the woman he cared about more than anything, in how he felt. The military couldn't rule their hearts and the crew on the Normandy already were aware of how they both felt, so it wasn't going to disrupt anything. Even Ashley, before she died had encouraged him to jump into the deep end_. 'Look, LT, anyone can see how you watch her every move and how she tries to hide her own eyes after you. If you two don't do the deed, you are going to drive the rest of us crazy! So, damn the regs and go after Shepard.'_

How he could have hugged Ashley now because that first touch of their bodies had him enraptured in Shepard. She stirred in him feelings he hadn't let himself feel in years. Rahna was the only girl who got him to open up completely. Shepard had done that for him again and he felt alive once again. Her breath over his skin and the soft moan in his ear brought a smile to Kaidan's face. _'We will have a day for us, Mira.'_

A movement of the debris over them brought Kaidan back to reality. A groaning and scratch of the metal moving brought a shining light into both Garrus's and his eyes, making him cover his eyes.

"Captain! They're over here!" the young man beamed at the pair under the pile of wreckage. Soon, the face of Captain Anderson poked through the hole that was opened wider.

"Thank god!" he said and reached a hand toward Kaidan, who clasped it and was helped out. The other man reached for Garrus and helped him out. "You are lucky, Lieutenant!" He clapped Kaidan on the shoulder.

Kaidan smiled at the captain's relief and then took a look around the wrecked council chambers, fires and smoke filled the chamber and various crews were going through the wreckage looking for other survivors. But Kaidan looked toward the garden below the Petitioners stand and his heart dropped in his chest. A large piece of Sovereign covered the garden area.

"Where's Shepard?" Anderson asked concern apparent in his voice and then looked over to where Kaidan's eyes were staring.

"She…" Kaidan's throat constricted.

Anderson's face fell as he looked back to the man. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant."

He kept talking but Kaidan didn't hear a word. She couldn't be gone. They had spent a wonderful night together and he all but told Mira to come out of this alive. He ran a hand through his hair, roughing up the already mussed hair from battle. His eyes blinked again over Anderson's shoulder as a dark figure fought up the wreckage by the lower garden, flames silhouetting the slender body. The figure stumbled, favoring one side over the other and when the light off another burning fire to the side lit the soot streaked face of Mira, Kaidan's eyes widened. Anderson noticed his look and turned, giving a cry to see the battered form of Shepard walk cockily over the debris down to the group of men. She gave the captain her usual crooked grin but her eyes lighted up as she saw Kaidan behind her mentor.

Kaidan returned it with his own half smile and rushed to her as Shepard stumbled one more time, wincing as she held her arm to her left side. His arms helped her back up, sliding around her waist, supporting her. "You look like hell, Shepard." Kaidan grinned wider, happy to see that she made it after all.

"And you stink, Lieutenant." Then Mira hissed in pain.

He snapped out his omnitool and did a quick medical scan and shook his head. "Dislocated shoulder and a few cracked ribs. Sloppy, Shepard." Kaidan teased.

"I'll remember to wear my Reaper-proof armor next time." She said sarcastically but smiled.

"How about there not BE a next time? I mean, getting you out of these places that tend to explode around you, Shepard, is getting tiring." Garrus commented.

"Sheesh, and here I thought you enjoyed the excitement, Garrus."

The turian and human males laughed with Shepard as she rolled her eyes and then sucked in a breath as the jostling of her ribs and shoulder aggravated her. Kaidan held a little tighter to her, avoiding the wounded areas. He had her back and that was all he needed. He looked down into her blue eyes and smiled. A stray lock of hair got in her eyes and she couldn't tuck it back, instead trying to blow it out of her sight. Kaidan took his fingers and tucked it back for her, lingering a little too long by her cheek.

Anderson cleared his throat, making Kaidan snap his hand away guiltily. "We got triage set up down in C-Sec." Anderson told them.

"The Normandy…" Shepard asked.

"Is in one piece, thanks to Joker. We have some heavy losses but the Council is alive, Shepard. Good call." Anderson nodded proudly to his protégé.

"They sure didn't do me any favors while chasing Saren but I couldn't let the ruling government be decimated, sir."

"I understand and you may have secured humanity's place in the galaxy by doing that."

"Captain, we need to get Shepard treated so if we can go now..?" Kaidan asked Anderson.

"Alright, Alenko, we'll get her looked at." Anderson smiled at Kaidan.

Kaidan had hoped that Anderson didn't pick up on more than a squadmate's concern for Shepard but after the hectic chase with Saren, fighting through to the Council Chamber among a multitude of geth, and then having a Reaper ship rain down on you, Kaidan couldn't keep up his professional mask up as well. He didn't let go of Shepard as they reached one of the rapid transit cabs. Setting her carefully into the back seat, he slid in next to her. Anderson took the driver's seat with Garrus in the front passenger seat.

"You had me worried, Mira." He whispered in her ear.

She leaned into Kaidan's shoulder with her good side. "I'm glad you made it, Kaidan." Shepard squeezed his hand affectionately.

"If we get shore leave after all this, won't you join me?" He turned his gaze on the exhausted Spectre, as she looked deep into his. All she gave in response was a small, crooked and private smile that was only for him.

-/*\-

Two days after the attack from Saren and Sovereign, the Citadel was in the middle of clean-up and repairs. The wards that saw little damage were back in business. The biggest news around was Commander Shepard being hailed as the Savior of the Citadel and Council. The Council awarded Shepard and her crew for their bravery against Saren and his geth fleet. There was no mention of the Reaper Sovereign and this shocked Shepard somewhat. They had that behemoth parked on the spire and still the Council refused to believe it was part of a fleet of sentient machines determined on their destruction.

Hackett and Anderson were giddy with pride that their girl defeated one of the galaxy's threat but they knew the job had only just begun. Anderson's nomination for Councilor by Shepard, held considerable clout with the Council and gave Udina apoplectic fits of rage. Mira could only smile to herself at the little man's nasty glares toward her when he was in Anderson's office at the embassy.

A hand brushed on the back of her neck, followed by a pair of warm sensual lips, sending shivers down her spine. Smiling, her hand curled around Kaidan's neck behind her as he continued to kiss her neck to her bare shoulder. His other hand shut off the terminal that she was reading. "I think it is time to get away from here for a few days." He murmured into her shoulder.

"I thought being locked away in my cabin was getting away." Mira teased.

"Mmm, but the possibility of getting interrupted is a lot greater than if we were…oh, say, back on Earth?" Kaidan spun her chair around and bent over Mira, looking into her eyes. "As long as the doctor says you are cleared for a bit of shore leave."

"Oh, did I forget to mention that she did? In fact, she was quite forceful in my getting some time to rest and not aggravate the newly healed shoulder or ribs." Mira's lips quirked up crookedly. "I was just checking my emails and saw the notice. In fact, after that, Hackett approved two weeks of leave for the whole crew and told them to 'disappear'. I'm afraid he wants to limit any 'embarrassing' escapades from our heroic crew that would tarnish the new image."

"I would believe it of Joker!" Kaidan chuckled. "So, what do you say?" he asked her, his eyes searching hers intently.

"Where do you suggest we go?" Mira asked Kaidan, running her hand along his jaw.

"A cabin, on a lake, in the middle of the wild…" he grinned as he kissed her after each enticing description. "Just us, the wildlife and clean air."

"I like the 'just us' part." Mira nibbled on his lower lip as her hands ran down Kaidan's bare torso to his waist. The towel wrapped there quickly found the floor. Kaidan's mouth took Mira's hard, as he pulled her up from the chair and dragged her to the bed.

The view of the tall pine trees lining the road astounded Mira. When those rare times she made it back to Earth, she always been to Greece or to London. But the few remaining wilds on Earth and Kaidan had chosen his family's cabin in British Columbia, outside of Vancouver. For a Fall day, the weather was crisp but for two biotics whose body temperatures ran higher than the average human, it was perfect weather. Mira loved it so far. They were traveling in an old fashioned Ford truck going down a dirt road. No one would suspect that the couple dressed in jeans and t-shirts were the Alliance's top rated officers. Already, the stresses of space, other marines and naval officers a thousand miles away, eased Mira's mind and body as she eased back into the seat of the truck.

"I made a good suggestion, didn't I?" Kaidan said with a smile from the driver's seat, arm propped on the door with the window down, and the other hand resting at the twelve o'clock position on the steering wheel.

"Oh, yes!" Mira exclaimed. "The peace of this region is like a balm on a weary soldier."

"Agreed. Whenever I decide to take leave and need to get balance again, I always come here. A couple of times, I invited my father for a retreat. For him, it is an excuse to go fishing." Kaidan laughed.

"Do you fish?" Mira asked, curious as to what Kaidan's other talents were besides doing wonderful things to her, his biotic display, and being an excellent Alliance Marine.

"Of course! My father made sure I was a man who could survive in any wild with a pocket knife and a piece of line. I would go hiking for days with a few protein bars as emergency food and camping gear."

"I had gotten into the habit of hiking and rock climbing when I go to Greece for leave." Mira smiled. "I had a good guide that showed me some fantastic places that were off the track."

"Here I thought the great Commander Shepard was all soldier and galactic badass."

She punched Kaidan in the arm and laughed. "I can't be the badass all the time. Yes, I've worked hard with little reward and few days of leave but when I do take my breaks when it is granted, I make the most of it. Blame my father, he made sure to keep a bored child entertained by introducing her to an indoor rock wall onboard ship."

"Well, if you are up for it, maybe I will show you some fantastic places up here that I have discovered through the years." He looked at Mira sideways, the wind from the open window ruffling his usually perfectly coifed hair. Already a shadow of stubble was on his face as he didn't bother to shave when they had left the transport that morning. Somehow, the roughened and unkempt look suited Kaidan, along with the worn chambray shirt that was unbuttoned showing the white t-shirt underneath. It was a picture of a laid back and natural man that sat in the driver's seat which appealed to Mira very much.

"I would love that," she said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

Kaidan turned the truck into a driveway that curved around to a modest sized log cabin and an open view of a glimmering lake down the hill. Mira was enthralled by the idyllic setting and didn't realize Kaidan had gotten out of the truck until he rested his arms on the open window of her door, watching her with a smile on his face. "Welcome to Whispering Wood, Mira." He proceeded to open the door and hold out a hand for her. Mira took it and entwined her fingers through Kaidan's, reaching up to place a soft kiss on his lips.

"It's perfect, Kaidan." She said softly.

"I hope Hackett and Anderson don't mind my stealing away their poster girl for a few days."

"Pfft, they can do without me for a few days. After all, we have been chasing the stars nearly non-stop for almost a year now and with a command, instead of doing solo missions, I need the break. As do you!" Mira poked a finger into Kiadan's chest.

Kaidan chuckled and took up Mira's finger and kissed it. "Come on, let's get our things in the cabin and then I have to see if dad has it sufficiently stocked. I don't know about you, but I'm starving."

"Did he know to stock up for two hungry biotics."

Kaidan just smiled at her and pulled her with him as they stepped up to the porch and to the front door. Mira quirked her head to the side at the enigmatic smile, curious as to what Kaidan has told his father about her.

They took their coffee out to the porch after dinner, to watch the sunset. The sounds of loons calling to each other reached Mira's ears, along with the start of the cricket's symphony. Taking a sip of her black coffee, Mira felt Kaidan slide his arms on either side of her as he stood behind her, lending his body warmth along with one of his sweaters that he lent Mira. It hung on her lanky frame a little largely but she didn't mind. He set his own coffee down on the rail. "This feels good, especially after ten years of waiting for you." He rasped softly in her ear.

"Now, you do have to tell me about these ten years of waiting, Kaidan Alenko." Mira leaned into Kaidan's chest, feeling his cheek rest beside her temple.

"Oh, I think you know, Mira. Since I first saw you walk out of that meeting with Hackett regarding your Special Forces induction, I have taken special notice in you. What can I say, those tight academy issue gym shorts, showing off shapely long legs, and that dazzling smile of yours hooked me in."

"Hmm, yes, you were quite the striking figure of a young officer yourself, Mr. Alenko. God, I thought they hired you just for recruitment posters!" Mira laughed softly.

"Want to know why I decimated that punching bag?" Kaidan chuckled. "I met with Hackett about applying for the N branch. I was turned down."

Mira sobered a little. "I know. Something about issues of using your full biotic potential regarding combat situations."

"You read my file?"

"Kaidan, I have to know what problems my crew may have in the line of duty. Plus, I pointedly asked Hackett, as he was vague in his notes. But after our talks about BAaT, I understand why you had those issues at that time. I agreed with Hackett's decision. Being an N operative, you have to do what it takes to accomplish your mission. That includes killing other people."

"I know that now and after Eden Prime, I certainly kicked myself plenty for holding back all those years." Kaidan sighed. "I always had to be so careful because of having an L2 implant." Mira could hear the regret in Kiadan's voice and then the motion of him taking a drink of his coffee before returning his arm to enclosing her against the porch railing.

"So, continue." Mira broke the lull in Kaidan's talk.

"You won't give this up, will you?" He chuckled in her ear.

"Not a chance."

Kaidan then wrapped his arms around Mira, standing in silence for a moment more as he remembered his first catch of her on the Cairo and the awkward conversation afterwards. How she left a lasting and unsavory impression on the cargo officer. "Well, despite you wanting to rip a hole in the Cairo's hold after retrieving Garrett, I felt sorry for your loss then. We had a rather …."

"Awkward meeting. Yes, I remember. I was rather blunt and didn't watch my tone of voice when speaking with you. I must have come off extremely rude and self-centered."

"No, you didn't but when I thought about it, you shouldn't have felt a need to placate me or anyone because of your situation. The cargo officer never forgave you for your antics until after he saw you on the newsvid when Elysium was attacked."

"God, the Blitz." Mira moaned quietly. "I wasn't prepared to take over a whole battalion! Including civilians!"

"No one ever is." He tightened his embrace. "But I was proud of you for holding out as long as you have, though knowing you were dangerously close to crashing from lack of food and using your biotics past exhaustion. The Cairo was grounded with repairs during the Blitz and believe me, we all groaned that we couldn't join the rest of 5th and help with the battle. But at that time, with you popping up in my life at periodic times, I couldn't stop thinking about you, Mira." Kaidan gave a soft laugh. "I was sitting right over there, bemoaning about when I would see you again, to my father. Or if you even knew I existed."

"You what?" Mira turned in his arms to face him.

Kaidan laughed softly. "My father is a wise man and well, he was quite impressed that I had a crush on this hero who walked into my life with long legs, dazzling eyes, and a ponytail. He told me I really set the bar high for other women compared to you. I was surprised you had cut your hair when I saw the pictures from Elysium."

Mira laughed, "This is easier to take care of than the longer hair."

Kaidan brushed Mira's hair from her face, his fingers wrapping a strand between them. "Someday, grow it back out." A smile flitted across his rugged features as he looked deeply into Mira's eyes. "So you see, I have had a crush and been enamored with you, Mira Shepard, for a very long time."

"Did you know that I was going to be the Normandy's XO?" Mira asked in curiosity.

"Anderson didn't tell the crew until the day before your arrival. Let me say, that was a happy day for me."

"But then, we had regs to contend with when we admitted how we felt toward each other."

"In the end, I didn't let it stand in my way." Kaidan murmured, his fingers entwined in Mira's hair as he leaned in and softly kissed her. As they pulled apart from the kiss, Mira smiled at him softly. Her eyes spoke all of her affection for Kaidan. Here and now, she was just Mira, not Commander Shepard, and Kaidan made it possible for her to not be the Commander.

"How do you do it, Kaidan?" she asked.

"Do what?"

"Make me feel safe and where I am not the Commander but just Mira?"

Kaidan's mouth twitched with a half-smile. "Could be the same way I feel whenever I am with you, Mira. You ignore the rank and the soldier mask I wear but see me as I am."

Mira smiled and then her eyes opened wider as if she remembered something. "Oh…oh, wait right here…" She ducked under Kaidan's arms and headed into the cabin and to her bag, searching in one of the pockets for a wrapped box. It was the first of November, Kaidan's birthday. Mira wanted something special for Kaidan for his birthday and remembered something her parents had given her a long time ago when she went off to OCS training. By old Earth traditions, the day after Halloween by most Christian religions was called All Saints Day. For Mira, it felt like Kaidan was one of those saints that walked into her life at times when he was needed, providing his strong arms to hold or help her up.

Coming back to Kaidan on the porch, the fading light silhouetting him against the purples and golds of the dusky sky, he looked at peace. Putting her hands behind her back and stepping out on the porch, Mira stood right up to his back and leaned against him, her cheek resting against Kaidan's shoulder. She felt him sigh in contentment as her arms wrapped around his chest, the wrapped box between her hand and his chest. Kiadan looked down and placed his hand over hers, turned around, and looked at Mira. "What's this?"

"A box with a bow on it." Mira laughed.

"Smartass."

"Open it."

Kaidan pulled at the bow and opened the lid of the box. It wasn't a big box and held something that was ready to be passed down to a new owner. He picked up the small medallion and moved to the door of the cabin to the light to see the gift clearly. His eyes glistened as the embossed figure of a saint surrounded by roses and birds stood out in the light. It was worn around the edges, scratches on the surface marred a couple of spots but it still retained its detail. "St. Valentine." Kaidan choked out with emotion. He looked up to Mira's soft eyes.

She reached up around Kaidan's neck, undid the chain that held his service dog tags and reached for the medallion, sliding it on the chain so that it rested against one of the tags. Looking at the tags, Mira did something else. She unclasped her own chain and removed one of the tags from the chain, sliding her own tag to rest with Kaidan's. As her hands were about to replace the chain on his neck, he stopped her.

"You are forgetting something." With shaking hands, he removed one of his dog tags, replacing the one Mira took off with his, replacing the chain around Mira's neck to nestle between her breasts. Ducking his head, Mira settled the chain on Kaidan, her hand resting over St. Valentine, his and her dog tags, feeling Kaidan's rapidly beating heart under her fingers.

"Happy birthday, Kaidan." Mira smiled tenderly, locking his honey flecked brown eyes with her blue. "This medallion has been passed down in my family and I've had it passed on to me by my father and mother. And now, the time has come to pass it on to the one I care so much about." Her throat tightened. Kaidan's hand covered hers, the other stroking her cheek lovingly.

"T…thank you. This means…a lot coming from you, Mira."

Reaching up to cup a hand to his scruffy cheek, Mira's finger stroked Kaidan's face. "You mean so much to me, Kaidan." Kaidan's hand closed Mira's around the dog tags and medallion, bringing them up to his lips and kissing their enclosed hands. Without another word spoken, he pulled Mira into the cabin and toward his bedroom. Kaidan pulled the sweater off and slid the button down shirt Mira wore off her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. His mouth kissed at Mira's tenderly as his hands continued to undress her. With a twitch of his hand from Mira's back, Kaidan used his dark energy to push the door to the room closed.

-/*\-

The pressure of her body wrapped up in his made Kaidan sigh in contentment. He looked down at the amazing woman he managed to capture after all those years of yearning for her. It couldn't have been a better birthday present to just have Mira here, with him and sharing his bed, her body, and even though they haven't said it out loud, love. His free hand quietly grasped at the St. Valentine medallion she had given him. The patron saint of love, who was martyred for helping Christian lovers in a persecuted Rome, was more apt as a patron for him and Mira than maybe she realized. The saint never gave up his beliefs or undying love for the people he helped. Kaidan had never gave up his own beliefs in Mira, and now, his love for her gave her needed support when at times it seemed like she was going to stumble. On the reverse, she did the same for him, bolstering him when Kaidan needed.

He caressed her tangled hair, smiling as he relived their lovemaking from last night. He couldn't call it sex as it was truly lovemaking. Kaidan went excruciatingly slow with Mira, at the cost of his own sanity and tightly reigned in desire. This woman gave him something precious of hers and it was his way of saying thank you in a most personal and heartfelt way. All the pain, all the anger, and the losses they have experienced, prepared them for the real trials yet to come. However, all the sighs and moans, kisses and touch were etched forever in his mind.

Mira stirred next to him and looked up, a sleepy smile crossing her face. Kaidan brought Mira's hand on his chest up to his lips and kissed the palm and the inside of her wrist. "G'mornin'." She said in that sexy, sleepy voice of hers that Kaidan loved to hear.

"Morning." Kaidan rumbled softly. The soft morning light filtered through the green leaves of the trees outside, providing a soft green light into the bedroom. "Are you ready for a hike today?"

"Ask me after I had my coffee." Mira kissed sultrily at his chest, her lips making Kaidan's skin tingle and a shiver of desire awakening his body. A thin sheet barely covered both of them and his hardening was quite noticeable.

"Hmm, I think coffee is going to wait if you keep that up." Kaidan groaned. Mira only chuckled low in her throat as her mouth continued to trail across his skin, eliciting a low growl and Kaidan rolling Mira onto her back.

By the time they got out of bed and showered, it was mid-morning and too late to start a day long hike. Forgoing shaving and even styling his hair back, Kaidan headed into the kitchen and started fixing breakfast. He brought out eggs, sausage, bread, and hash browns, brewed up a large pot of coffee, making it strong as only he and Mira liked it. A small chuckle escaped as he remembered the grimace on Joker's face when he tried to take a drink of coffee from a pot Mira brewed on the Normandy one time. Of course, Kaidan tasted the 'foul brew' Joker handed him and shrugged his shoulders, telling the pilot it seemed fine with him. It was one of the rare times when both he and Mira got back at Joker. Afterwards, down in the mess, a second coffee pot was placed with a little plate on it stating it for 'Foul Coffee Only'.

The sound of bare feet padded into the open living and kitchen area. Kaidan's mouth twitched at the freshly showered woman walking toward the coffee by him, hair still wet and wearing his chambray shirt. The sleeves were rolled up and the bottom of the shirt hung to her mid-thigh but it looked good on her and Kaidan smiled in appreciation and desire. He almost thought that was all she had on until he saw a flash of charcoal gray shorts peeking at the side of the shirt. Noticing the OCS logo, Kaidan grinned widely. Mira walked up to the bar and took his cup, stealing a drink of the dark strong coffee. "Hey!" Kaidan appropriated his cup back from her hands, setting it back on the counter. Reaching for an empty one, he placed it in front of the woman and went back to stirring the scrambled eggs in the pan.

"Did you father teach you how to cook too?" Mira asked as she poured her coffee.

"No, my mother did. She said she wasn't going to raise a helpless bachelor that didn't know how to cook and clean. Dad taught me about how to catch, prepare and cook fish."

"I envy you for that, able to have a steady home here on Earth. Mother was always busy due to her command status while father pretty much did most of the raising. He was the one that taught me about cooking, even making rations turn out tasty. I just never had much opportunity to keep up the skills over the years." Mira sat at the bar stool and leaned her arms on the counter. It didn't help she left the shirt unbuttoned down to below the breastbone, the glinting and soft tapping of their dog tags poking through and an ample view of her bare cleavage distracting Kaidan from the eggs.

"I wouldn't think an N7 would have much time between ops to settle in anyplace to do the more mundane things." Kaidan smirked, drinking in his fill of the woman before him and keeping half an eye on their breakfast.

"Especially when Hackett gives the orders!" Mira laughed. "I love the man but he does drive you hard if he knows you are capable of doing the impossible. I'm glad for the several missions I shared with Anderson. He helped get me through a lot of rough patches."

"He is a good man and soldier."

"Yes he is. Ever since the Major died…"Mira swallowed around a lump in her throat. "Anderson has become a bit of a surrogate father."

Kaidan reached over the counter to place a soothing hand on Mira's arm before returning to the huge pan of scrambled eggs, taking it off the hot glass top burner. "Breakfast is served." He handed Mira a plate and began dishing out large portions of food for both of them.


	11. Chapter 11  Us

A/N: Oh, definite fluff in here. :D But just as things are going so well for them….

**Chapter 11 – Us**

After a couple of days roaming around the cabin and dealing with a misty drizzle that happened upon the area, the hike was put off for another day. Not that Mira minded. They had a little over a week left of leave left and except for an emergency recall, there was no way any Alliance personnel was going to contact her and Kaidan out here in the wilderness. Kaidan had mentioned that the weather was being quite mild and pleasant being that in autumn, that this portion of British Columbia usually started its rainy winter season. So, today, with the light mist and high clouds gave the lake and cabin a dreamy setting. She sat back on the chair that Kaidan told her was his, as he built it from scratch during the summer after BAaT was closed down. Her hand ran over the smooth and worn wood, taking note of the graceful curves and the hidden strength within the arm of the chair.

He was surprising her more and more each day since they came here. Kaidan was relaxed and at home here at the cabin. His smiles were full and lit his whole face up. No longer was he guarded or restrained, especially when it came to showing affection. He never missed an opportunity to give her a light caress on her arms or the back of her neck and shoulders. Mira snuggled deeper in his cable knit sweater as she looked out on the lake and watched the geese and ducks litter the surface. The sweater smelled like him, warm and spicy but not overpowering.

Kaidan had gone into town to get more groceries and was going to be a while. He had invited her to come along but Mira wanted to stay and enjoy the peace. As a career soldier, he understood, kissed her and took the old Ford truck into the small town down the road a few miles. When the crunch of the gravel driveway was heard, Mira stood up from the chair and went to the porch railing. Instead of Kaidan's truck, it was another old fashioned truck with an older man behind the wheel. Squinting, Mira looked over the older Alenko, thinking the resemblance to her Kaidan was uncanny.

"So, that is what he will look like when he gets older." Mira's mouth quirked into a grin just as the truck stopped and the man got out of the vehicle.

The older man closed the door and looked at her, not surprised that she was there on his porch. Grinning with Kaidan's grin, the tall man strode up the path to the porch. The once dark hair was more salt with shots of pepper and was kept rakishly long over the ears and collar, his bangs falling into his eyes. But unlike Kaidan, this man had a lighter brown color of eyes, almost an amber honey color. "You must be the Shepard that my son has been talking about all these years."

Mira gave a soft laugh, "The one and only, Mr. Alenko." She held out her hand to the older man. He surprised her though and swept her up in a big hug. Mira could only put her arms around him so she wasn't knocked off balance.

Aidan Alenko eased up on the hug and held Mira back at arm's length, with his hands on her shoulders, his eyes searching hers and giving a little nod. "The vids don't do you any justice. You are far prettier in person. Kaidan couldn't have lost his heart to a better woman."

A blush heated her cheeks at the compliment and praise. "I sometimes wonder if I deserve to have a man such as him, considering we didn't get off on the right foot."

"Ahh, well, love is funny that way." Aidan shook his head. "I'm guessing you ran out of food and that is where Kaidan is." Mira laughed louder now and nodded. "Then I planned it just right. I was hoping to meet you, Mira, without him hovering around. Come, I brought some extra food in the truck and a special treat. I hope you like fresh croissants!"

"You mean, just baked?" Mira's eyes opened wide.

Aidan laughed, "What else would there be? I am personal friends with the town baker. He gives me fresh out-of-the-oven goodies and I catch fresh fish for him."

"You Alenko men are aiming to spoil me!" Mira hopped down the steps after the older Alenko, and reached into the bed of the truck, pulling out bags of groceries.

"We aim to take care of our own." Aidan winked at Mira as he grabbed six bags in his large hands.

The pair went to the kitchen in the cabin and set the food on the counter. Mira helped the man put away the food and place a couple bottles of wine in to be chilled. When she didn't know where to put something, Aidan pointed to a cabinet and went to take care of cleaning up the shopping bags. Mira instantly liked the man and relaxed around him. He was very much like Kaidan. Soft spoken, gentle, and warm but with a wicked sense of humor that only comes from time spent in the marines. He was telling her about his time spent in basic and the drill sergeant that busted him sneaking cigarettes into the dorm.

"It wasn't that he was angry that I was sneaking in smokes but that I didn't let him know when I was getting them. The man was trying to quit and was failing miserably and though we couldn't smoke during training, I admit I was dying myself."

"So, what happened?" Mira asked, settling her chin on her hand on the bar counter.

"He stood in the bunk room, staring at each of us with a real serious expression, tapping the carton against his thigh. I was like 'Oh, shit. My Camels.' The DI stopped right in front of me, nearly nose to nose and gave a low threatening growl in his throat. I was only nineteen and was like the wrath of god was going to smite me there and flunk me out of basic in my first week!" Aidan grinned fondly at the memory. "He smacked the carton against my chest, took two packs out of it for himself, and then said he wanted a carton by the end of the week."

"Talk about nearly pissing your pants!" Mira laughed.

"Hell, yeah. We were fine afterwards. He still rode our asses but didn't flunk anyone when they lagged behind. I usually was tagged to help those men and women who were struggling. All part of the lesson of leaving no one behind."

"Sounds like some admiral I know." Mira smiled at Aidan. "He rode me hard and gave me impossible tasks but if he hadn't pushed, I wouldn't be here."

"The best teachers are the one that push you to your fullest potential." Aidan nodded.

"And bad ones push too hard to where they break a person." Mira sobered a little, thinking of Kaidan's experience with Vyrnnus.

"Ah, yes, he did tell you about that turian bastard." Aidan reached for some wine glasses and pulled out one of the chilled wine bottles. Opening the bottle, he set it back down to let it breathe and looked steadily at Mira. "Kaidan was always a principled young man and stubborn. His mother's ethics instilled into him. Waste not one thing when it can be simply done another way."

"Yes, his conservatism has served him well through most of his career. However, I wish I didn't have to break a lot of that out of him during our time chasing Saren."

"Pfft, Mira, he was holding his own potential back. You just opened the door for him to step through. You, however, did it with a softer and yet firm touch that wouldn't make him dig his heels in. But," he looked at her, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, "I think he also didn't want to disappoint you."

Mira ducked her head, "I didn't want him to disappoint himself. He is unique for being the only stable L2 in the Alliance. I'm strong but there are some things he can do far better than me."

Aidan sighed deeply, "Another point of his stubbornness there. Kaidan could have had his implants upgraded but he refused, several times."

"I can understand why. Implantation isn't easy and when you are used to a certain flow of power and know how to gauge it, it's difficult to adapt to added power. It takes a whole new set of control and techniques."

"I'll take your word for it. I'm still proud of my son, no matter what." He paused to pour them both a glass of wine and motioned to head back to the porch. When they settled into the chairs, Mira curling up in Kaidan's and Aidan taking his seat, they sat for a bit in silence, enjoying the late afternoon.

"I love him, you know." Mira said softly. "I haven't told him but there never seems to be the right time to let him know."

Aidan looked at Mira's profile, admiring her strong jaw and chin and straight nose. "There never is a 'perfect' time to tell someone you love them. But actions usually say far more than words can convey. Kaidan has been in love with you for years, Mira Shepard, whether you were aware of it or not. Probably the main reason why he never settled with a woman for any length of time. He had an idea of the woman he wanted but the time was never right for either of you."

"Being a former marine, you don't condemn us for breaking regulations regarding fraternization?" Mira turned her head to face Aidan. "I mean, I'm his commanding officer and god, I didn't mean to fall for my lieutenant."

"Now, that is where you are wrong. You didn't fall for your lieutenant, you fell for the man that Kaidan is. Regs are there to protect the crew, not the perpetrators who break them. But you knew Kaidan long before you two served on the Normandy, and yes, it may have been brief in those times." Aidan held up his hand to forestall any objections from Mira. "He isn't a subordinate and he never was."

Mira thought on what Aidan had said and turned to look out at the lake in the dimming light. He was right. Kaidan was never a subordinate. The time on the Normandy was real time together to get to know each other after all the brief run-ins throughout the years. The man was there for her; after all time she had experienced grief or hardship, Kaidan had always been there. It wasn't the comfort of one soldier to another but of a special friend. On some deep level, Mira knew that she had felt the draw to him since the academy. "You remind me a lot of my own father, Aidan."

"I will take that as a compliment." The man smiled in the growing gloom.

"The Major was quite wise and the philosopher. He never spoke much but when he had something to say, you listened." Mira said softly.

"It comes with the job of fatherhood." Aidan looked out to the shadows, seeing his son standing to the side, listening to the conversation. "Might as well come out of the shadows, Kai."

Mira started as the grinning form of Alenko younger stepped onto the first step of the porch and leaned against the post. "I didn't want to interrupt."

"Nonsense." Aidan snorted softly. "I was beginning to wonder if you had gotten lost coming back from town."

"Hardly. I just got back ten minutes ago and parked by the kitchen deck."

"And you had to stand in the dark and listen in on conversations?" Mira shot back at the man, chuckling.

Kaidan's eyes smiled at her, "Why interrupt an enlightening talk?"

"How much did you hear then?" Mira asked, thankful the dark was hiding her blush.

"Enough." Kaidan responded enigmatically.

-/*\-

The truck pulled up the drive quietly, and went around to the back of the cabin where the building blocked the view and sound of any vehicle. Kaidan knew his father's truck and had a suspicion that with the need to go into town for groceries, his father had planned it that way, so he could 'drop by' and meet Mira. And he was right. After getting out of the truck, Kaidan walked around the cabin to the corner of the porch, just out of sight of Mira and stood in the growing shadows and gloom of oncoming evening.

The words 'I love him' rung through Kaidan's ears and made his heart pound hard in his chest. Mira would never guess that she was instantly on father's top ten people list. Of course, they were all marines and that was another brownie point for the old man. Still, what Kaidan's father told Mira afterwards was what warmed him the most. He knew then his father approved of Shepard and hearing her say that he reminded her of her own father, pleased Kaidan. However, by then, the old man spotted him and called him out.

He couldn't help but tease Mira with the vague answer about how much he overheard. As he eased up from leaning on the post, Kaidan walked up the last couple of steps and to Mira sitting in 'his' chair. Placing both hands on either arm of the chair and leaning over her, Kaidan smiled at her. Then closer to her ear, Kaidan whispered, "You know I love you, too, Mira." He kissed her cheek as he pulled back to see her stunned expression

Aidan Alenko shook his head, drained the last of his wine and chuckled as he stood up from his own chair, heading back into the cabin. That left Kaidan and Mira on the porch with the darkening evening surrounding them in shadows. Kaidan kneeled down in front of Mira, taking her hands in his. "So, you heard that?" Mira shook her head.

"Yes." Kaidan answered simply. "Dad is right. I was never your subordinate but I had to be in that role for you and the crew of the Normandy. They couldn't know that we kept crossing paths over the past ten years."

"We had an interesting talk about you." Mira said.

"I'm sure you did. I'm sure dad told you about my refusal for implant upgrades."

"He did but I had to explain why something like that could be difficult."

"Did he buy it?" Kaidan wondered.

Mira shrugged. "Hard to say. I know he wants what is best for you."

"Then he knows to trust my judgment about the decisions I make in my life."

"Especially if they involve me?" Mira's head cocked to the side.

Kaidan laughed softly, reaching up to pull her mouth to his for a quick kiss, "Especially you. You set the bar too high for other women, Shepard."

Aidan's voice called out from inside, "If you two lovebirds are quite finished, let's get dinner started before you both waste away into a biotic cloud."

They both laughed at that and when their stomachs grumbled in time, laughed harder. Kaidan wrapped his hand in Mira's, pulling her up from his chair. He let his fingers trail over her lips before giving her soft, loving kiss. Walking into the cabin, the pair headed to the kitchen to help prepare dinner.

The rich mellow notes trilled along the keys, as her hands tapped away. The morning sun streamed through the sunroom and with eyes closed, her body swayed to the melody of the moving song. Kaidan could hear the deep earthy quiet in the music, as if he was out in the woods and listening to the wind blow among the branches. The twirling notes then took him away to the sense of leaves falling and swirling in the wind, being pushed in the air, never settling in one place. The tempo changed to a steady melody of the shortening days and crisp air. The music of the piano and Mira playing took him away.

Kaidan looked over briefly to see his father standing next to him, transfixed on the woman bathed in the sun at the piano. It was his mother's piano and hasn't seen any hands touch it since her passing. Kaidan worried that his father was going to disrupt Mira when he saw tears flowing down Aidan's cheeks.

"This was her favorite piece." He said softly. "Especially at this time of year when the leaves were falling and the loons played their mournful call."

"I can ask her to stop…" Kaidan started to say.

"No, no…don't. I never knew Shepard played."

Kaidan shook his head, "Neither did I. Who would think a military brat could play the piano. Though, I have noticed her constantly tapping her fingers on tables as if playing some melody in her head."

Aidan laughed softly, "Then there was your proof. A musician, more a pianist, will do that often. Your mother did."

The final note died away, the piano reverberating softly as the wires silenced. Mira's hands rested on the ivory keys, caressing along the length of the worn keys. Her eyes looked up toward the men standing in the doorway. "Oh, I'm sorry! I just saw the piano here and I haven't played…"

"Mira, if you feel the need to play, please, don't let me stop you!" Aidan exclaimed. "It has been a long time since that piano has been played and filled this cabin with its music."

"Your mother's?" Mira asked Kiadan, to which he only nodded.

"George Winston. Even after a hundred or more years, his music is timeless and still moves the soul." Mira's hands slid over the keys again.

"Who taught you to play? I thought with all the moving you had and such…" Kaidan started to ask.

Mira laughed lightly, "Believe it or not, the Major. He had lessons all through his childhood and he quite disappointed his teacher when he enlisted. From what I heard from mother, he had a promising career but he traded the piano for an assault rifle. But, he passed on the love of music and playing to me, seeing something in me that I guess we shared."

"Like father like daughter?" Kaidan said.

She only shrugged, "Maybe. Mother would say so." Mira stood up from the bench, brushing her hand lovingly across the face of the baby grand. "It is beautiful."

"It was a special gift for a beautiful woman." Aidan said softly and kissed Mira's forehead as she walked up to the pair of men. "While you are here, please, feel free to play."

"Thank you." Mira said in return and then slid her hand through Kaidan's.

"Go take a walk, you two. Who knows how long the sun will last today."

"Will you be okay, father?" Kaidan asked, concern etched in his face at the older man.

"I'm fine, Kai. Just some old memories brought back, that's all." He patted Kaidan's arm and went to sit at the piano bench.

The couple walked down to the lake and along the shore, enjoying being in each other's company. More and more things were popping up about Mira that surprised Kaidan. Sure, she talked about her parents but it was never too in-depth and at times, talking about her father still brought bouts of silence. Kaidan noticed that whenever something uncomfortable was brought up or something unpleasant of a personal nature, Mira went quiet and tended to withdraw into herself. She took that grief and pain into her, never letting it be shown. However, Kaidan had been there during the two times when that personal pain of loss was laid open.

Knowing that despite her hands knowing how to break down a pistol in a few seconds, they also had a mind for gentler things. The music from the piano seemed to pour out a part of Mira's soul and what she couldn't say in words, was banged out through the piano keys. Some people who play the piano can play but they never put themselves into the music. Kaidan's mother was one of those that put her whole being into the music. She didn't need the sheet music, just as Mira was sitting there with her eyes closed, letting the hands do the playing.

Shaking his head, Kaidan wondered how they had so many similarities and also different life experiences. He squeezed Mira's hand as they walked, receiving a squeeze back. He didn't know how their relationship was going to go when they arrived back to the Normandy. They were professional enough to not let their personal feelings interfere with duty. Though, Virmire was something that was extremely close to personal interference. However, a hard decision was made and Mira paid the price, as did he.

"A cred for your thoughts." Mira interrupted Kaidan's ruminations.

"Just thinking about how you keep surprising me." Kaidan smiled down at her. "Also, just how are we going to do this when we are back on the Normandy."

"I don't know. Duty has to come first then, as we are Alliance officers."

"It isn't like the crew doesn't know about us."

"True but they believe in our professionalism and know we wouldn't do anything to jeopardize the mission or them."

Kaidan stopped them and turned Mira to face him, "But can 'we' trust ourselves to do what is right?"

Mira searched his face and eyes placed a hand on his scruffy cheek. "I trust 'us', Kaidan. The night before Ilos was a turning point in us. But down on the ground in a squad, we were soldiers. We did our job and not let our personal feelings get in the way."

"You are right. I'm sorry if I sometimes question about this but I've waited a long time to have 'us', I don't want to mess things up with our careers."

"Kaidan, you are a sweetheart!" Mira did her crooked grin as she kissed him full on the mouth. Kaidan wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss, love and desire for the woman in arms enveloping him. He broke off the kiss for a moment and looked into Mira's blue eyes.

"I swear, if you ever call me a sweetheart again, Shepard, I am going to take you over my knee and spank you."

-/*\-

They walked back to the cabin after a couple of hours walking along the lakeshore, enjoying the scenery and talking about the future. Mira was content, for the first time in her life she could see a future beyond the Alliance and spending it with a man she loved and cared for deeply. If their mission against the Reapers was successful, then Mira was going to retire from the N7 branch. Captain Anderson had mentioned to her before that she would make a great instructor for future officers, especially those with biotic implants.

She was considering it. Being a military brat and then joining the service, Mira had put in more years than most admirals and generals. If only the Major was still alive and met Kaidan. Captain Hannah Shepard would definitely like him. If only her mother wasn't so far from Earth delivering a new platoon of marines to one of the colony worlds.

"Well, dad is gone." Kaidan observed as they reached the driveway and noticed the other truck gone. "He never could stay at the cabin too long. We used to spend summers here, all three of us. It was mothers respite from the diplomacy scene. And when she got sick, this was her last refuge."

"You think with today's advances in medicine, they would have done something to cure cancer." Mira said softly, leaning into Kaidan, offering her comfort. He squeezed her, letting Mira know he was fine.

"With so many strains and mutations, it is hard to pinpoint a common element between all of them. But she lived a full and happy life and saw her son return from Jump Zero safe and sound."

They walked into the cabin and noticed a pile of papers and a note on top of it. Kaidan took up the note and read it, then handed it to Mira. "You really made an impression on the old man."

Mira accepted the brief letter from Aidan Alenko.

'_Mira,_

_It was good to hear a special piano played again in this home. Thank you for bringing beauty back to this place and this old man's heart. Don't ever stop playing. Kaidan's mother would be happy to know that her music was passed on to someone who loves music as much as we have. _

_Take care of Kaidan as he has taken care of you._

_Aidan'_

"I can see where you get such eloquent speech, Kaidan." Mira wiped at the corner of her eye and picked up the sheet music. Carefully flipping through them, she saw compositions from Winston, Lantz, Debussy, and from the latest prodigy, Dobrovsky.

Kaidan approached her and brushed his hand on the back of her neck, his scruff tickling at her cheek as he leaned over her shoulder. "My mother rubbed off on him over the years in their marriage."

Mira turned her face toward Kaidan's, kissing the furry jaw. "I don't want to lose these. Could we keep them here, where they belong?"

"I don't see a problem with that but only as long as you promise to come back to the cabin in the future."

Placing the sheet music down, Mira turned around, wrapping her arms around his waist, looking over the roughened man that was so unlike the clean-shaven and perfectly styled hair officer she first met. Kaidan's hair was mussed up, bangs hanging in his eyes, a copy of a younger Aidan Alenko. "I see where part of your name came from, but where does the K come from?"

"My mother's name, Khatima." He answered, a smile playing across his lips as his fingers caressed at her face. "So, who are you named after?" Kaidan leaned in and teased at her lips, the bristle of his unshaven chin tickling and exciting Mira.

"My grandmother, Miriam Shepard." She answered his teasing kisses, her hands sliding up arms and shoulders to run through Kaidan's thick, dark hair. Returning Kaidan's kiss with an open teasing kiss, her tongue flicked out toward Kaidan's mouth, while fingers tightened in his hair. He answered her with a soft moan, tightening his hands at the small of her back, pulling her against his body, letting her know what she was doing to him.

Her hands pulled Kaidan in for a deeper kiss, running down his jaw, scratching at the growing beard and placed them on his chest. With a sudden lift, Kaidan hoisted Mira up onto the table that the music sheets were on and pressed his body into her, while pulling out her shirt from the cargo pants. Mira softly moaned as Kaidan's hand slid across her skin, the combination of both their inherent biotic energy sending tingles down through her body. After the shirt was pulled off of her, Mira made short order of Kaidan's, and ran her hands and lips across the toned torso. She felt his desire for her and the moan rumbling in his chest. However, Kaidan had other things in mind when he pushed Mira down on the table, his mouth kissing hers hungrily. Mira helped the man as he roughly undid her pants and slid them down her legs. A gasp came out of her unexpectedly when Kaidan's fingers slid between her legs.

His mouth broke off the kiss and moved sensuously down Mira's chin and throat. She was trembling with desire as Kaidan caressed between and inside her with his probing fingers. Mira could do nothing but moan and call out to Kaidan. Just when she thought her body was going to crash over the edge, Kaidan removed his hand and replaced it with his own hard manhood.

Mira couldn't help the slight loss of control on her biotics, as her body flared with a ripple of blue. Kaidan matched the display with his, heightening the sensation of their desire melding and moving together. Thankfully, the table under Mira was solid wood because the raw hunger and desire in her and Kaidan would have shaken it apart. As her body arched and tensed with the overwhelming need for release, Mira gave a scream as Kaidan gave one final thrust. A burst of blue from both of them sent a small shockwave that blew the sheet music off the table and made dishes in the kitchen rattle.

Sweat glistening on both of their bodies, Kaidan ran a hand down Mira's chest and stomach. He smiled at her with a mixture of desire, love, and contentment. Reaching to take her hand, Kaidan pulled Mira up to his chest, sitting at the table's edge, and wrapped his arms around her.

"Oh…my…" Mira breathed into his dampened shoulder and swallowed her suddenly parched throat.

Kaidan tried to get his own breathing under control as he kissed at Mira's shoulder. "That was…."

"Tell me about it." Mira chuckled softly.

An annoying chirping ring sounded from somewhere, making both Mira and Kaidan groan. With a small shimmer, Kaidan used his biotics to pull the small comm piece to them. It was Mira's comm that was chirping as he handed it to her. The only reason it would ring was if there was a recall from leave.

"Shepard here." Mira answered. Kaidan however, continued to kiss and nuzzle at her neck and shoulder, making it hard for her to concentrate.

"_Sorry, Commander, leave is cancelled. Admiral Hackett has ordered the Normandy crew back to the Citadel ASAP."_ Joker's despondent voice rang in her ear.

"Did he say why?" Mira bit her lip from letting a small moan escape.

"_Something about the geth attacking colonies."_

"Shit." Mira's attention snapped into Commander-mode instantly.

"_That's what I said."_ Joker said with a short laugh. _"Tell Alenko no more play time."_

Mira shook her head. Leave it to Joker to know she was with Kaidan. "I will when I see him."

"_Uh huh, whatever you say, Commander. Joker out."_

Setting down the earpiece, Mira looked into Kaidan's dark eyes. He knew it was time to leave and head back to duty. "You need to shave, Lieutenant." Mira's eyes danced in mirth.

"And we both need a shower." His mouth quirked into his half-grin. With a quick deep kiss, Kaidan pulled Mira off the table and walked with her to the bathroom. Of course, the shower took longer than expected and left them drained when they stepped out.


	12. Chapter 12 Upside Down, Inside Out

**Chapter 12 – Upside Down, Inside Out**

Clean shaven and hair back in perfect order, uniform crisp and picture perfect, Kaidan stepped off the transport after Mira, waiting some time as she walked ahead and immediately headed to the elevator to the dock where the Normandy was berthed. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he watched her lithe body efficiently move through the throng of people and aliens in C-Sec. Despite the shore leave back on Earth being only five days long, it was the best five days Kaidan has enjoyed in his life. Even now, he could still smell her perfume and ozone mixed in his nose. It was worth having those few days to let the hair down and be two adults who loved each other instead of Alliance officers breaking regulations.

However, how things were going to be once on the Normandy was a mystery. Kaidan was professional enough to not flaunt his sleeping with the CO, and remain a vital member of the crew. He had to be, even though the crew may know and didn't care. He was an officer on the Normandy, he had to set a standard for his crewmen under his immediate command. However, going to the Captain's quarters during night shift would go with little notice. Shaking his head, Kaidan halted that train of thought and took the next elevator up to the dock.

The ride up was slow and a couple of maintenance techs shared the elevator with him. They were talking amongst themselves, telling some funny story that Kaidan tried to keep from overhearing. It was quite bawdy and graphic, making Kaidan shift uncomfortably and trying to keep down a blush. Of course techs usually have a rather colorful vocabulary and didn't hold back from saying anything. But hearing intimate details about the one's encounter with a dancer from Chora's Den reminded Kaidan of his own ogling of said scantily clad and seductive women from the 'Gentleman's Club'. Ashley had teased him about his open gawking. _'God, Chief, I miss you at times.'_ Kaidan shook his head and straightened his body as the elevator stopped at the Normandy's dock.

There were a couple other crewmembers waiting at the hatch, duffel's slung over their shoulder, not happy to be recalled early from shore leave. Kaidan shared the sentiment, wishing he had more time with Shepard. Rubbing at his smooth chin, wishing he didn't need to be back to being Mr. Perfect Marine.

"Please wait for decontamination." The ship's VI announced as the three of them stepped into the inner hatch. The blue light washed over them. Kaidan hated this part. The slight hum of the antiseptic beam made his teeth itch and fingers tingle. From what Shepard told him, it was a common experience with any biotic. The decon field made their implants hum at a near match frequency, setting off that itchy, tingling feeling. All that he knew was that he sighed in relief when the light snapped off and the hatch opened.

The two younger crewmen saluted Shepard sharply and received their permission to board. Then it was his turn to snap to a sharp salute to his commander. "Flight Lieutenant Alenko reporting for duty. Permission to come aboard."

A twinkle in Mira's eyes and the slight crinkle at the corners was the hint of a smile that she would never show in public while on duty. She checked her data pad and made a notation. "Permission granted, Lieutenant. Welcome back."

"Good to be back, ma'am." Kaidan tried to tamp down the upward quirk at the corner of his mouth.

"As soon as you stow your bag, Alenko, I need you to go over the Marine roster and see who is still with us and who is new. Give me your report on the new transfers after you are done." Shepard was all business.

"Aye aye, ma'am."

From the cockpit, an audible snort was heard from the pilot. Kaidan's eyes shot over there but Joker didn't turn his chair to look at them at the docking hatch. Mira gave a small roll of her eyes to Kaidan and dismissed him, going on to the million and one things that needed to be done before they shipped out. Grabbing his bag, Kaidan headed to the back of CIC and to the stairs down to the Crew Deck. He dumped his bag to the bottom of his locker when he reached it and immediately went to the Marine Deck.

-/*\-

"So, who is left to make it back from shore leave?" Mira asked Joker after Kaidan had left.

"Everyone is on board, Commander." Joker's hands deftly tapped at the console in front of him. "Captain Anderson is expecting you in an hour from your arrival."

"I guess this will be about the mission assignment." Mira tried not to sigh heavily. Little less than a week of leave and it was back to trudging headlong into another assignment.

"Knowing the Captain, he sure knows how to cast rain on the parade."

"With Hackett alongside him." She remained silent a moment, tapping the data pad against her leg.

"So, how was time with Alenko?" Joker suddenly asked.

Mira blinked and stared down at her pilot. "What?"

"Don't pretend you two didn't go off and spend some 'quality' time together."

"Joker, has anyone told you, that you are nosey?"

"All the time, Commander! Who else would keep the rumor mill going on this ship?"

"Well, forget about this one, okay? I really hate to break your legs for you as you walk the plank for slander against your superior officer." Mira quirked a slight grin to the man. He just smirked back at her while still looking straight ahead.

"Ouch, Shepard, you sure know how to take the fun out of things."

"Oh, I know how to have fun, Joker, I just don't want to see you get hurt by the wrong person." Mira smirked back. "I better go and see where we are going. Keep the engines warm, Joker." She turned to leave, calling to Pressly that he had the deck as she walked back out of the hatch and to the embassy on the Presidium.

It took fifteen minutes to go from the dock, through C-Sec and onto the Presidium. The artificial sunlight made the Presidium bright and clean, with little sign that a Reaper had been decimated right overhead. All part of the Council sweeping things under the rug, so as not to frighten the populace. However, the populace will soon need to be made aware that, yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as a Reaper. However, life was back to normal as diplomats, visitors, and anyone with business on the Presidium, made their merry way to their destinations.

When she arrived at the Embassy, Mira was immediately let into Anderson's new office, what used to be Udina's office. It gave some pleasure to Mira that Udina was ousted of this office and it was now entrusted to Anderson as the future human Councilor. "You wanted to see me, Captain?" Mira smiled as she sauntered into the office.

Anderson gave her a warm grin in return, a short chuckle escaping him. "You know you consigned me to hell, don't you, Shepard? Since your nomination, I've been in endless meetings for a week!"

"Better here where you could do something for all of us than stuck on a ship."

"I'd rather be stuck on a ship." A brief scowl crossed his face. "But you are right; I can at least help you and the Normandy out more by being in this position."

"Just don't let it get to you, sir." Mira smiled at the older man as a daughter would.

"I will try like hell to not let it!" Captain Anderson laughed briefly before getting to business. "Shepard, this will be brief." He picked up a data pad and handed it to her. "Intel reports some geth activity from the remnants of Saren's fleet attacking these colony worlds close to the Terminus Systems. It's random and chaotic but they are causing a lot of upheaval as they retreat from Council space."

"I find it surprising that we get this now, after a week from the battle?"

"I know but we only just got these reports a day ago. I'm sorry to have Hackett cancel the Normandy's leave but we need you out there to take care of this. The geth have crossed into the Terminus and that is one place we can't take Alliance ships."

"I see. So, a Council Spectre with an Alliance ship will be able to."

"Unfortunately."

"Alrighty then, I guess I better get the Normandy to the Terminus systems and see what we can find." Mira straightened her shoulders and then snapped to a crisp salute to Anderson. He returned the salute and gave her a smile.

"Be careful, Shepard."

"Don't worry, I always make it back!" she parted with Anderson, leaving him with an image of her crooked grin.

The ruins of the first attack site was still smoldering after two days. Mira blinked back tears as the smoke and anger stung at her eyes. Kaidan only shook his head, his own expression sorrowful at the needless destruction. This was unnecessary but then, who was to tell the mechanoids that wanton killing was pointless, even in war. There was no purpose to these attacks and oddly, no sign of the geth left behind.

"What do you see, Lieutenant?" Mira asked her Marine CO.

"Fire, smoke, destruction."

"Where are the bodies?"

"Surely they are burning?" his voice trailed off as he looked again at the small agrarian colony. "I only smell the burning of the buildings, not humans, like we experienced on Eden Prime."

"This is still bad enough." Garrus rumbled.

"Right, no stench of burning flesh." Even she couldn't get that memory out of her such as humans being burned in the streets or in farm fields. Elysium and Eden Prime left indelible marks on her memory. "Geth bunker down on a conquered world. Why are there no bunkers?"

Even Kaidan and Garrus had no answer to that one. Mira walked to a blackened shell of a home and peered inside. Refuse and ash laid everywhere but the table was set for dinner and was undisturbed. With the alarms of attack going off and even settlers kept a pistol or rifle for defense, there would have been more disturbed in a rush to leave the house.

"This doesn't make sense." Kaidan echoed Mira's thoughts.

"No it doesn't. Come on, let's get back to the Normandy. We are through here." Mira's stomach felt like lead as they called the Normandy to pick them up outside the settlement. This was the first planet on the data pad that Anderson had given her and it was the first human colony that was right over the Terminus boundary line. She didn't know how she was going to do this report.

The squad loaded up the cargo ramp, as they had many times before. Garrus walked ahead of her, while Kaidan was at her side. When the ramp closed and the pressure equalized, Mira sighed heavily. She eyed Kaidan, who looked at her with some concern, silently asking her if she was okay. She gave a slight shake to her head and headed off to the elevator and to her locker to get out of her armor.

-/*\-

It was always a sad sight when a colony was attacked and subsequently destroyed. It hampered humanity's growth in the galaxy. But the utter senselessness of this destruction and the oddities that came with it, niggled at Kaidan. He watched Mira as she went to her locker. She looked to be deep in thought and yet keeping her thoughts to herself regarding this mission. Shimmying out of his skintight Onyx armor, Kaidan donned his ACU's and went over to visit with Mira.

Yes, as a lover to her, he was concerned, but he wanted to be a sounding board for a friend who looked perplexed. When he came around the corner and noticed her sitting there on the bench, fiddling with a strap, Kaidan leaned against the end of the set of lockers, arms crossed across his chest. "What are you thinking about?"

"Something doesn't add up about this." Mira replied as she stared unseeingly into the open locker. "It takes a week for the remnants of Saren's fleet to now make itself known? And then go after a populated colony that has no militia? And where are bodies? Eden Prime had bodies." Her mouth turned down in a frown.

"I agree, it doesn't add up. Maybe the intel reports are faulty." Kaidan offered.

Mira looked over to him and shook her head. "If they were, we wouldn't see what we did down there today. No, I would be more apt to believe that the information was fed purposely."

Kaidan snorted, "That's stretching, Shepard."

"I know." Mira placed her light armor into the locker and shut it, getting up from the bench and stretching her body to work any kinks out. Kaidan's mouth quirked upward at the corners as his eyes roamed over her lithe form. He couldn't help it, he was a man that was attracted and in love with the woman before him.

"Get those eyeballs back in your skull, Lieutenant!" Mira grinned affectionately back at Kaidan.

"Yes, ma'am." He stood up and walked the couple of steps over to Mira. Looking around to see if anyone was around, he leaned down to her lips and pulled Mira in for a kiss. He pressed her gently against the locker, the kiss growing more insistent. The answering moan from Shepard made him press her harder against the metal lockers, his hand reaching up through her hair and pulling Mira's head back, so he could kiss down her exposed throat.

"We need to stop…" Mira breathed roughly.

"Yes, ma'am." Kaidan replied, continuing his sensuous attention on Mira's skin. The lavender and ozone scent filled his senses, driving him crazy with wanting to take Mira here in the locker room. He knew she wanted it too and was trying to insert some restraint so things didn't get too far. The moment of inattention on his part had him flipped with his back against the locker and Mira pressing against his body.

She nipped and kissed at his lips, her eyes sparkling with dusky blue. "My cabin, fifteen minutes." She rasped out, drawing out one final kiss from his mouth.

Kaidan groaned as Mira stepped away and straightened her uniform. He could only stand against the locker, his body betraying his arousal. He envied that women didn't have any physical parts that gave away their arousal. Only the flush to Mira's cheeks gave any hint but it quickly faded as Mira got back under control. With a wicked smile and wink, she left Kaidan alone to cool down.

Thudding his head back on the locker, Kaidan grinned and gave a little chuckle. The woman was going to drive him crazy but he was enjoying the trip. Sighing and willing his arousal to cool down, Kaidan attempted to walk out of the locker room and to the galley. At least he could bring some coffee.

Another week had gone by trying to find the remnants of the geth fleet in the Terminus systems. The past four days since they had arrived in the Amada system, they have been chasing ghosts. Kaidan felt a little skittish traveling through the Omega Nebula, as Omega was the heart of the Terminus. They met with a little resistance as they entered the system but when Shepard announced she was on Spectre business, a wide berth was given to the Normandy. Joker was all grins and mumbling about 'bad-ass Spectre Commander's'. Kaidan couldn't agree more with the acerbic pilot.

Yawning, Kaidan did a few more sit-ups before standing up and reaching for a towel. The lower deck that held the cargo holds and rear bay, made room for a small gym for the crew. Since he couldn't sleep, he slipped out of Shepard's bed, loathe to leave her but he wasn't going to disturb her rest because he couldn't sleep. Especially when she was due to be up in an hour anyway. It seemed that she slept more peacefully when he was there. The first few times they slept together, Mira would thrash in her sleep, living out some nightmare. Whenever he leaned over and whispered in her ear, did Mira calm back down.

Just as Kaidan was about to head to the elevator, the Normandy bucked under his feet. "What the hell?" he yelled. "Joker, what is going on? Did you hit a speed bump?" Kaidan punched the comm link to the cockpit.

"Sorry, Alenko, busy dodging a giant, fire-spewing rock ship!" and the link clicked off. Kaidan blinked a moment before his Marine training kicked into gear.

Dropping the towel, Kaidan headed for the armory lockers in the cargo bay, punching open the nearest one, not caring whose it was. When he pulled out the Phoenix armor, Kaidan groaned, realizing it was Ashley's. The deck heaved once more, causing lights to flicker and cables fall down. Immediately, he stepped into the pink and white armor, strapping the breastplate together. Thankfully, Ashley was similar in size to him, except for the cinching at the waist, which Kaidan had to suck in his breath. Kaidan looked upward to the heavens Ashley believed in. "Don't laugh, Chief!"

A panel exploded near him as the Normandy suffered another hit, knocking Kaidan to the decking. He got his barrier up in time to take most of the brunt force of the fall. His next immediate thought as Kaidan ran for the elevator was of Mira. She was still in bed before the attack began. "Joker! Status!" he yelled into the comm.

"I'm holding the Normandy together!" The pilot snarled back, breathing heavily in Kaidan's earpiece.

"Get out of there!"

"No! I can save her!" Joker cut the link on Kaidan's suit.

The elevator shuddered as it made its way up to the Crew Deck. Thankful to be off the thing, Kaidan ran around the corner, placing his helmet on and locking it in place. He saw Mira's form at the other end of the crew deck, getting the distress beacon set.

"Shepard!" Kaidan yelled.

She turned around while snapping her helmet seals closed. "Distress beacon is ready for launch!"

"Will the Alliance get here in time?" Kaidan asked, trying to hide his worry. Then an explosion knocked Kaidan into Mira. His arms wrapped around her waist, keeping her upright. He looked into her eyes, seeing her cool, collected Commander mask in place.

"The Alliance won't abandon us! We just need to hold on. Kaidan, get everyone into the escape pods!" Mira grabbed a fire extinguisher and tossed it to Kaidan as she walked away from him to put out another fire.

With exasperation, Kaidan spat out, "Joker's still in the cockpit! He won't abandon ship!" He looked over his shoulder at Mira as she extinguished a fire in front of her. "I'm not leaving either!"

Mira turned away from the panel and walked over to Kaidan, placing a firm hand on his elbow. "Kaidan, I need you to get the crew in the escape pods! I'll take care of Joker." She gave him a gentle push toward where the pods were. Kaidan was at the point of refusing a direct command.

"Commander!" He stared at her through the red emergency lighting and sparking panels, his heart beating hard in his chest. Mira was risking her life unnecessarily and someone else should be with her to get Joker. The ship rocked again and Mira looked over her shoulder at Kaidan.

"Kaidan, go. Now." Her voice gave the command, if in an intimate way, letting him know that she was going to be all right and Mira needed him to do as she says.

Standing for a moment more, nodding his head slowly, Kaidan started to turn away. "Aye aye, ma'am." He swallowed the lump down in his throat as he ran down the burning deck toward the emergency maintenance tube to Engineering. Seeing the crew run by him, Kaidan shouted encouragement as they headed to the escape pods. The last group followed him to the last free pod. Kaidan held on as the Normandy bucked again and gravity wavered for a brief second. "Everyone in! Go, go, go!"

After the last crewman ducked in the pod, Kaidan slid in and took his seat, lowering the shoulder bar over his head. His hand slammed at the eject button and a second later, felt the thrust of the pod leaving the Normandy and jetting into space. He looked out the small window, watching the battered and broken Normandy get decimated by the unknown ship. Finally, one last beam shot over the ship, making the structure break and explode in half. A pod from the cockpit streaked from the blaze.

"Shepard…" Kaidan whispered, hoping she was on that pod and he would see her soon.

-/*\-

The slow hissing of leaking air filled Mira's ears. Long ago, when she had joined the N branch of the Alliance Marine Corp, she accepted death was inevitable. Now that it was happening, she didn't want to die, especially not by suffocating and freezing to death. She would lose oxygen before her body froze and burned in the planet's atmosphere. Still, she couldn't die now! She had something to live for! Who would take care of the Reaper's?

The planet, a blue and white frozen world, was looming ever closer. Her body hitched as it tried to take a breath. Joker was safe at least. So was Kaidan. Oh, to feel his arms around her again and his mouth on hers. Mira's vision blackened as she slowly lost consciousness.

"Kaidan…" Mira gasped out with her final breath.


	13. Chapter 13 Shattered Pieces

A/N: This starts the story now between ME1 and ME2. This is mostly going to be in Kaidan's viewpoint, with some Joker, Anderson and Hackett thrown in.

Chapter 13 – Shattered Pieces

The signal came into the Arcturus station communication station, faint and repetitive. The crewmen assigned the night duty at first dismissed it as old noise from an old Earth probe from a hundred years ago, whose signal was reaching back home. The added string at the end of the distress signal giving the Normandy's designation had the young man sit bolt upright and snap on the relay's repeater to pick it up clearer.

A few more minutes passed away as the coded distress signal was jotted down. The young man's face paled as the string repeated. Staring at the scrap of paper, the crewman slammed his stylus down, tore off his comm piece and dashed down to Admiral Hackett's office. He didn't bother asking the receptionist to announce him as he barged into the 5th Fleet's Admiral's office. He was in a meeting with two other high ranking officers and Councilor Anderson, Earth's first human Councilor to the Citadel.

"I hope you have a good reason for be bursting your way into this meeting, Lieutenant!" Hackett's face pinched in an unpleasant frown.

"Y…ye..yes, sir!" the young man gulped for air and handed Hackett the decoded distress message from the Normandy's beacon. "It's the Normandy!"

Hackett snatched the paper and scanned over the message, his face turning pale. His eyes read over the lines again. "Oh, my god…"

"What is it, Steven?" Anderson asked.

"Shepard….the Normandy….shit, this is hours old!" Hackett stood up so suddenly from his desk his chair fell back with a loud noise. "David, get the Hastings prepped! Yomita, Thomson, get yours ships ready for a SAR! I don't care we will be violating the Terminus accords but we have to go after the Normandy…now! Their distress beacon had them last tagged in the Adama system at Omega. Lieutenant!"

"Yes, sir!" the young Lieutenant rushed over.

"Send a message to Omega and give them warning that we are entering their space for a Search and Rescue. Also, inform the Council. We have to get our people!" _And hope that everyone made it to the pods before the Normandy was destroyed!_ Hackett feverishly prayed.

The admiral rushed out of the office with Anderson in tow, and proceeded down the hall to the docks. The young Lieutenant who took the message from the Normandy's distress beacon immediately went to rousing the extranet priority lines for an emergency message from the 5th Fleet Admiralty.

Steven Hackett prided himself for the fleet of ships and personnel he gathered over the years. He accrued a great deal of respect, along with some fear and a few enemies within the Alliance Navy and Parliament. But let it never be said that he didn't leave any of his people behind! His unremarkable six-foot-two frame stormed down the corridors, while he buttoned up the front of his ACU's shirt. No use being in class A's for this mission, as it was going to be dirty and hell if he was going to be standing on the bridge while others dragged his people in! Also, Hackett had to know Shepard was alright first hand!

What ship took out the Normandy and why? There were rumors of ship disappearances in that system and neighboring systems. Could these rumors be true and that it was related somehow? The last mission status update from Shepard had been inclusive as to a geth holdout or any remaining geth ships in the region. The Normandy only found a destroyed colony but no bodies and no sign of geth. Hackett didn't believe in coincidences.

He marched up the gangway to the SSV Hastings, his flagship for 5th Fleet, and waited impatiently for the decon beam to cycle through. With a scowl, Hackett boarded and went straight to the cockpit. David Anderson was there waiting, pre-flight check already done. "Are we ready to go?" Hackett barked.

"Yes, sir!" the pilot responded, her hands flying over the console in front of her.

"Then set course, helmsman! Send coordinates to the Dallas and Richmond."

"Aye aye."

"What was in the distress message?" Anderson asked.

Hackett turned to his friend and shook his head grimly, "The Normandy was attacked by an unknown ship. Shepard's signature was on the message. Normandy suffered heavy casualties and was evacuating at the time of launch."

"Oh god." Anderson frowned.

"Let's hope our girl made it and that Joker kept the ship together long enough for all to escape."

"I'm sure she made it."

-/*\-

When the pod stabilized after landing, the three other crewmen donned environmental suits and helmets while Kaidan worked the manual release for the hatch. Alchera wasn't the most hospitable planet to have crashed into, being a methane and ammonia ball of ice. As he stepped out of the pod, Kaidan took in the raining streaks of the Normandy as it entered Alchera's atmosphere. Then he scanned the immediate vicinity to see if the other escape pods were nearby. The majority of the port side pods launched at roughly the same time and should be in the same area, if a few hundred meters apart.

"Lieutenant Alenko!" Dr. Chakwas's voice breathed in relief over his comm unit as he saw her walking towards him from a pod off to his right.

"Doctor!" Kaidan exclaimed. "Are you alright? How many survivors do we have?"

"So far, four pods have been found. There are still six unaccounted for."

"And the cockpit escape pod." He tried to not let his worry show in his voice but Chakwas laid a comforting hand on Kaidan's arm.

"We'll find them, Kaidan." She assured him. "Anyone injured from the re-entry?"

Kaidan shook his head. "Just bruised. I hope the Alliance got the distress signal."

The older woman nodded and helped Kaidan organize the survivors into teams to search for the missing Normandy escape pods. Gathering crewmen and marines helped Kaidan from fretting about Joker and Mira. He was sure that she got Joker out of the cockpit and they were both safe on the pod. It was a matter of finding them. Gathering the emergency supplies and flares from the escape pods helped give everyone something to do other than stare at the frozen landscape. When Garrus joined Kaidan, they organized a small search team with the purpose to find Joker and Shepard.

After an hour, Kaidan's search team found the cockpit's two person escape pod. The hatch wasn't open and the metal was already cool from re-entry. Kaidan was curious as to why it wasn't opened yet. Surely, Shepard would have opened it and gone in search for the rest of the crew. A sick feeling started to gnaw at his chest as he approached.

-/*\-

The world had come crashing down around his pathetic life as Joker rocked back and forth on the seat, trying to breathe around the tightness in his chest. How could she be gone! The greatest CO he had worked for, someone he had actually come to see as a friend and she was spaced saving his sorry ass! Grabbing at and curling his hands around the bill of his cap, Joker muttered 'No' to himself repeatedly. The hard landing of the escape pod was the only thing to shake him from the shock of losing Shepard.

Joker stared at the hatch, knowing he should struggle into an environmental suit for Alchera's atmosphere was cold and toxic. Damn, his arm hurt and the rest of his body was bruised with maybe a broken bone in his leg from the ejection of the pod and the exploding Normandy. The Normandy, his baby, gone. He couldn't save her either!

"Shit!" he yelled in the small pod. "Shit!" Joker slammed a fist down on the padded seat, letting his anger and self-loathing out in that punch. The pilot felt helpless to save the ship and save Shepard. Kaidan was going to hate him for killing Shepard. Joker hated it himself and when he called out to her to come back to the pod, he wished he was the one that was spaced and Shepard took the pod.

"FUCK!" Joker cried out loudly, taking his cap off and throwing it at the hatch door. Something wet fell down his cheek, as the first tears that Joker had shed in years freed themselves from his eyes.

He didn't want to put on the suit. If the hatch opened from a rescue team, Joker just wanted his breath to leave him and join with Shepard. But his self-preservation kicked in and had the him jerkily pull on the environmental suit and seal the helmet. The pain of his arm and legs made Joker curse and cry the whole time, all for his selfishness, arrogance, anger at losing Shepard, and anger for being stupid enough to think he could pull the Normandy back from the brink of that attack.

A knock at the wheel release of the hatch informed Joker that a rescue team found him. He had just finalized the seal to the helmet just as the hatch opened and Kaidan poked his head through.

"Alenko…" Joker choked. The words dried up in his throat as he saw the blank look of shock in Kaidan's eyes.

Then the next thing Joker knew, he was pulled out of the escape pod forcefully, strong hands holding the front of his suit and then his body was slammed against the exterior of the pod with such force that it made Joker's teeth rattle. "Where is she?" Kaidan hissed at Joker.

"She…" Joker tried to say it but the words caught in his throat.

"Where is SHE?" Kaidan slammed Joker again against the pod again, a rim of blue surrounding the marine lieutenant.

"Alenko!" Garrus stepped forward, reaching for the man's shoulder's only to have Kaidan throw him back.

Joker stared at the distraught man and grimaced as he was slammed again, Kaidan's faceplate butting against his. "She….was spaced." Joker swallowed hard. "I couldn't save her!"

It seemed that Kaidan's strength left him all at once and Joker was dropped to the frozen ground of Alchera. The marine turned stiffly on Joker and walked away, passing Garrus and continued on, hands clenching and shoulders slumping with crushing grief.

"I couldn't save her." Joker whispered in sorrow, tears flowing non-stop from his eyes.

-/*\-

Gone. No, she couldn't be gone! Kaidan thought. He could still smell her after they finished making love just a few hours ago, his fingers running down her spine, sweat slicking her skin and pooling between her shoulder blades. Joker had to be lying. Mira could have made it to another escape pod before the final explosion. No, the cold logical side told him there was only the one emergency escape pod in the cockpit. Dammit! Why her? Why NOW? Kaidan railed in anguish inside as his feet continued to walk away from Joker, Garrus, and away from anyone at the moment.

This day was surreal, just as the Normandy was attacked that morning to the wild escape and landing on Alchera. The frozen planet was pretty in its sterile coldness. The coldness matched the aching hole of Kaidan's heart. It was like his life was ripped away when Joker told him that Shepard had been spaced. Any excuse to think she might have made it was dismissed as Kaidan's head told him that the cold of space would kill her before her air ran out on the suits reserves. Once the Alliance found the distress beacon, Kaidan would join the search teams in finding Shepard.

_Just when things were finally falling into place, she is taken from me._ Kaidan lamented. _I waited for so long to have Mira and she's….gone. _He put a hand on his chest, where the St. Valentine medallion and her dog tag rested. Kaidan came to a frozen wall in his way and stared at it. Sudden anger overwhelmed him, blackening the edges of his vision. A bright flare of biotic energy flowed through him and he punched at the wall physically and with the gathered force of dark energy. He kept punching at the ice wall as large chunks of frozen ice and rock exploding out, leaving deep holes behind.

_Blue eyes caught his attention. Blue like summer's sky just darkening to night, or the coming of a storm. Blue eyes that looked into him, hard and yet concerned, fearless and commanding. "Lieutenant!" the voice finally reached his ears. "I think you abused the bag enough for the day." Those eyes then sparked with a little humor, which instantly drained Kaidan's stiff anger out of him. He lowered his arm and side glanced at the punching bag, noticing that it was laying flat on the floor of the gym, the chain that held it snapped clean. Then the shimmer of dark energy sparking at his hands caught his attention next._

"_Oh, shit." He said hoarsely._

"_That is an understatement." The young ensign from earlier said, her voice rich and husky. "Help me take it to the storage room, so maintenance can fix it later."_

_As he helped carry the heavy punching bag, Kaidan surreptitiously let his eyes wander over this young woman with the long legs and captivating eyes. He liked what he saw. The ensign was only a few inches short but at the right height that he wouldn't have to bend over that much to kiss those full lips. She was slim and well toned that it added to the allure. Kaidan approved and liked this woman instantly. _

"_Lieutenant?" Her mellow voice broke into his admiration._

"_Huh?" He saw that she was waiting for him to put his end of the bag down. Blushing, Kaidan eased the heavyweight bag to the floor in the supply room._

He stopped, panting and leaning his head against the face of the cliff. She wasn't there to stop him now. Kaidan swallowed hard, pushing the lump in his throat down. Mira's eyes had caught him then, at OCS and haunted him throughout the years.

"_Get the ramp up!" Kaidan yelled, wrapping his arms around the collapsing adept. He steeled himself as Mira's control started to crumble and dark energy leaked out from Shepard's control._

"_NO!" she struggled out of Kaidan's grasp and went over to Garrett, stumbling blindly to the prone form of the large man. Tears stung her eyes and spilled over. Her hands tried to stem the bleeding wounds, becoming sticky with the dead officers blood. Kaidan watched the shocked lieutenant pour herself into saving a dead man. Garrett was his friend from OCS and Kaidan felt remorse for the loss of a fine soldier. _

_Kaidan's eyes snapped up when he noted Shepard leaping up and gathering a tremendous amount of biotic energy to fire through the closing cargo ramp. He leapt up and wrapped his arms around the young woman, gritting his teeth against the maelstrom of dark energy._

"_Let me go!" she commanded._

"_No." Kaidan said stiffly._

"_LET ME GO!" Shepard cried out, struggling against his stasis. Kaidan flinched at the power she pushed at his field. _

"_No." he said again but gently._

_The adrenaline rush started to fade and the dark energy lessened in Shepard. Kaidan eased up on the stasis, though it was already weakened by her onslaught. Kaidan choked back a cry as he saw crushing grief cloud those blue eyes of hers. One hitch from her and Shepard started to sob. He continued to hold her to his chest as her legs collapsed. _

"_Let it go, Shepard." Kaidan whispered to her, though he doubted she heard him. He offered comfort to a fellow soldier when she desperately needed it._

The first taste of Shepard's energy nearly overwhelmed him when Kaidan pinned her from tearing the Cairo's cargo bay apart. But Kaidan was stronger and had better control than even Mira. She had told him so a couple of times. L3s were scaled back from its previous generation, so it didn't induce the psychosis that happened in many of the L2s. Still, the buzz of her dark energy was familiar and complementary to his.

"_I know you." She spoke, exhaustion plain in her throaty voice. _

"_Maybe." Kaidan replied vaguely. He didn't expect her to remember that they had met but he wasn't going to remind her if she did. _

_She squinted her eyes and continued to look over his facial features. "Yes, I do know you. You were there when …." Her throat closed up as she swallowed down a lump. Kaidan caught the brief flash of grief before the woman hid it away. "If I was rude, I'm sorry, Lieutenant."_

"_Don't think anything of it." Kaidan said and winced. That was what she had told him those many years ago about his behavior at the academy._

"_Ouch, I deserved that." Shepard said with a tired smile. _

_Kaidan then laughed softly. "I thought you had forgotten."_

"_I don't forget much, Alenko. It may take me a while but certain things…trigger my memory." Again her blue eyes looked into his and she quickly looked away, her tanned skin darkening a little. "Thank you." She said quietly._

"_You are very welcome." Kaidan said softly and sincerely. That 'Thank You' was for the last time he caught her and for picking her up this time after a mission. _

_She drank up her coffee and laid her forehead against the warm cup, "Is there anything for a headache? I tried to sleep but the pounding…"_

_Reaching into his pocket, Kaidan took out a couple of caplets that he used before a migraine attack. He slid them across the table to the woman. "Here, these should help..." Her hand went for them, her fingers brushing against his. A little jolt went through them from the brief touch, making Shepard snatch her hand away quickly._

_Flexing his fingers, Kaidan looked to her sheepishly, surprised at the static touch. It shouldn't have happened as he regularly released any built up charge before that happened and Kaidan knew that there was no buildup in Shepard. _

"_T..thank..you.." Shepard stammered. She quickly left the table. Kaidan was puzzled by what had just happened and a bit shocked about Shepard's quick retreat._

Kaidan knew at that time he had lost himself to Shepard's charms and that tiny shy reticence and uncertainty. He flexed his hand against the cliffside remembering that brief touch that sparked between them. And later on that same trip, he was there for Mira when she needed a strong shoulder.

"_Commander?" Kaidan said and tried something else, "Shepard…" He showed concern as Shepard looked lost and in need of a friend. She blinked slowly and looked up to him, tears trailing down her face. On impulse, he gathered her in his arms and held Shepard to his chest. "What's wrong?" Kaidan asked quietly._

"_F…father…he's been…" Shepard stammered and turned into his chest, clutching at the front of his ACU shirt._

"_I'm so sorry." Kaidan whispered and tightened the embrace, trying to give the woman any comfort he could provide._

_He let her cry into his chest and soldier, offering any comfort he could provide. Laying his own cheek to her head and rubbing soothingly at her back, Kaidan remained with Shepard as the initial shock of grief was loosed. He hated to see Shepard go through such pain. When he felt her push against him, Kaidan slowly released this incredible woman before him._

_She wiped the tears from her face and looked at him with shining eyes. "Alenko…thank you."_

The tears finally fell, as Kaidan couldn't restrain them anymore. His chest heaved with the crushing grief at the realization that Shepard didn't survive hit him like a hammer. It wasn't Joker's fault and he felt incredibly bad for taking out his anger on the fragile pilot. Kaidan stayed there for a few more minutes, letting the tears fall over his cheeks in the helmet before straightening himself. He put on his mask before heading back to rest of the survivors of the Normandy.

_She smiled at him sleepily and with a certain satiated satisfaction that made Kaidan's insides squirm. Her fingers trailed down the fine dark line on his stomach._

"_I thought we were done, ma'am." Kaidan chuckled._

"_Did I say you were dismissed, Lieutenant?" Shepard's throaty chuckle sent tingles down Kaidan's spine._

"_No, ma'am. But if you had, I am afraid I would have to disobey."_

_Shepard lifted her head up to look at Kaidan's smiling whiskey brown eyes. "You would risk insubordination?"_

"_You risk fraternizing with the crew." He let his finger caress across her mouth._

"_And I love every minute of it." Shepard rolled over on top of Kaidan and straddled his waist as she leaned down to lay a sultry kiss on Kaidan's mouth. His hand snaked up into her hair and brought Shepard in closer, deepening the kiss._

Even as he walked back to the camp, Kaidan could still taste Mira on his lips from a few hours ago. He never knew that would be the last night of making of love to her before the attack begun early the next morning.

-/*\-

The Alliance ship arrived at Alchera in the Adama system ten hours after the destruction of the Normandy. The wreckage stunned the crew of the ship and even left Admiral Hackett and David Anderson speechless. The gravity well of the planet pulled the wreckage of the Normandy down to the planet, leaving bright fiery streaks burning through the atmosphere still.

"Search for any escape pods and survivors." Hackett roughly spoke the command.

"What attacked the Normandy?" Anderson asked.

Shaking his head, "I don't know but there isn't much left of her."

"Sir, I'm picking up an emergency transponder down on the planet. It's the Normandy's. Scanners show some survivors." The helmsman said.

"How many?" Hackett asked.

"Out of the Normandy's complement of fifty, only thirty-five are at a central location."

"Damn!" Hackett's fist pounded on the back of the pilot's chair. "That's almost half of the crew gone in the attack alone! We better pick them up asap. Find a landing area and set us down there to retrieve our people."

"Aye aye, sir." The pilot's hands flew over the holographic interface, the ship responding to her commands.

Hackett was worried and angry at such an attack on the Normandy. The Normandy was going on his intelligence reports of geth activity in the area and if something else got them, ambushing the crew and Shepard, he felt somewhat responsible for the loss of life. God, he hoped Shepard was alive and down on the planet with her crew. They couldn't afford to lose their special agent and first Spectre. But the old man had to admit to himself, he didn't want to lose Shepard because over the years, he had come to think of her as his daughter, as much as Anderson had done the same. It was hard to lose family, and Steven Hackett knew that loss all too well.

The red heat of planetary entry flew past the port windows. It took only a matter of minutes before the whine of the ships thrusters breaking their speed once they reached the atmosphere and into a cold, harsh vista. The bright flashing of the Normandy's escape pods transponder guided them to a clear area nearby to land. "Let's go." Hackett turned to Anderson and the men headed to change into environment suits and go down to the planet with the Hasting's marines.

-/*\-

David Anderson had just walked onto the frozen ground of Alchera, looking straight ahead of him and spotted a trio of crewmen heading to them. When the group got closer, Anderson recognized Kaidan's face through the faceplate of his helmet. A lead weight dropped in his stomach when Kaidan approached him. When no other senior officers were alive or present, Kaidan was in command, being the Normandy's Second Officer.

"Lieutenant Alenko, status?" Anderson spoke firmly, surprised at the steadiness in his voice.

"Thirty-five survivors, Captain." Kaidan spoke stiffly and emotionless. "Lieutenant Pressly is dead, along with others. Sh….Commander Shepard is KIA, sir."

"W…what?" Anderson couldn't believe it! After all the scrapes and suicide missions that woman had done and now, she was dead? "Sitrep, Lieutenant!"

"Unknown ship came out of nowhere and started attacking the Normandy…." Kaidan checked the chronometer on his omnitool, "approximately sixteen hours ago. The weapons sliced through the hull like a hot knife. Joker…wouldn't leave the bridge and Shepard went to get him to an escape pod. The details of what happened then, you will have to ask him."

"I will. I expect to get a full debriefing from any officers that have survived. Let's get you all aboard and back to Arcturus." Anderson moved forward, searching the lieutenant's eyes but Kaidan wouldn't look at him, his face set grimly. Shepard was well liked by her crew but with Alenko, Anderson could see that there was something far deeper there. Sighing inwardly, he wasn't going to broach the subject of what type of relationship Alenko had with Shepard at the present. Losing her was a huge loss to the remaining crew, and to Hackett and him.

Hackett was walking down the ramp toward Anderson and Alenko, his own face grim. Anderson looked at him and shook his head. The admiral's step faltered and slowed. Standing before Kaidan, Hackett did an uncharacteristic thing and placed a comforting hand on the L2 biotic's shoulder. Kaidan seemed to slump under the gesture.

"Lieutenant," Anderson said softly, "go with the Admiral and ready an area for your crew to bunk down."

Kaidan nodded slowly and followed the fleet admiral back to the Hastings. Dr. Chakwas arrived at Anderson's side, her own face reflecting sorrow through the faceplate. "Janet…" Anderson quietly asked.

"Everyone is in shock, David. Kaidan is suffering the most, I think, as is Jeff. Jeff blames himself for killing Shepard."

"Should I ask about the relationship between Alenko and Shepard?" Anderson asked.

"If you are asking if regulations were broken, Captain, then I will answer truthfully and say, yes. But, personally, those two were good for each other and never let their personal feelings get in the way of duty."

David sighed heavily, "I'll trust your judgment on this, Janet. Do any of your people need help? Were there any injuries during the escape?"

Chakwas frowned slightly, "One, but after landing. Jeff has a fractured leg and a cracked rib, received at the hands of Lieutenant Alenko."

"Alenko?" David asked incredulously.

"Now is not the time to explain." The crisp accent of Dr. Chakwas put a stop to the interrogation, letting Anderson know that there was time later for a debriefing. She led him to the pilot, who was resting painfully against one of the pods. The naked grief in Joker's face was plain as day, compared to Kaidan's neutral mask. Both men were having guilt over Shepard's death, Anderson noticed. Once they got off the planet, he was going to have the area searched for Shepard's body. At least they could bring her back home.


	14. Interlude

Interlude

During the hours after the destruction of the Normandy, news reached quickly to Omega and to certain eyes and ears of the Illusive Man. There was only a small window of opportunity and Miranda, working with Liara, Shepard's former squadmate and friend, rushed through Omega's back alleys, to the darker areas of the station.

Some mercenary was in the system when the distress signal from the Normandy came through on all open channels, blaring its mayday. They spotted the vapor trail and small speck of the falling body trapped in Alchera's gravity well. The merc was there for the Collector's. The Collector's attacked the Normandy, hoping that the one human they had their interest in would survive the explosion and be taken. It didn't matter that Shepard was breathing, conscious, or alive, only that her body was intact enough for them. The Illusive Man intercepted the bounty and dispatched Miranda, for her go get Shepard's body.

Miranda ran into Liara T'Sioni, who was also after Shepard's body, trying to save it from going to the Collector's. Miranda hated working under such a tight schedule but she forced her annoyance down and followed Liara to the meeting place that was mentioned. Time was of the essence, or all would be lost.

After a few hours, Miranda leaned back in the shuttle, looking behind her at the sealed casket. The special package was enroute to Lazarus Station. Miranda felt like she need a shower or two to get the stench of Omega out of her skin and hair.

The beep on the shuttle's console grabbed her attention. The Illusive Man's personal comm channel was lit. Reaching over and pressing the channel open, Miranda had to smile smugly as his image came up.

"Do you have her?"

"Of course. Just in time, too, or else getting her back from the Collector's would be tricky."

"And everything is ready to go?"

"Yes. Wilson is on stand-by for when I arrive. Hopefully the body isn't beyond repair and we can salvage most if not all of Shepard."

"You better salvage everything of her!" The Illusive Man's face hardened into a scowl. "She's our only hope for this galaxy."

"I know!" Miranda blew an exasperated breath from between her teeth. They only had this conversation a dozen times already. "What about the survivors of the Normandy?"

"Don't worry about it. You work on bringing Shepard back."

With that, the communication was dropped and Miranda was left to contemplate the desiccated body of humanity's first Council Spectre.

-/*\-

Anderson packed behind the pilot's seat, looking at the sensor readings scrolling across. Next to it was the linked readings coming from the Cairo and Yangtze. The smaller wreckage of the Normandy glittered in the dark sky and yet, there was no sign of any human bodies among them. They had already been at the search for more than ten hours. David turned as he heard soft footsteps behind him and stopped right next to him in the cockpit.

The bruised look to the lieutenant's face, belied the stoic mask he put on for everyone. David knew that Alenko was grieving for Shepard. After talking briefly with the man regarding his relationship with her, David had his suspicion confirmed. He told Hackett about the development and wondered what they should do.

"The crew didn't have any complaints and they didn't flaunt their relationship or let it interfere with their duties. Yes, they are Alliance officers and probably thought about the consequences thoroughly. But…" Hackett had paused and then shook his head, "they worked well. Shepard found someone she could trust and let in. Isn't that what we wanted?"

"She let in quite a few of the Normandy crew, Admiral." David argued.

"That she did." Hackett sighed heavily. "Why her?"

"I don't know." David's head sank to his chest. "I'll get the search started for her body."

Now, nearing the end of their search, David had to call it quits.

"She's not there." Kaidan stated flatly.

"I'm afraid not. It is going to be an empty casket service for her."

Kaidan nodded and turned around, leaving him alone with the pilot once again. He looked out the viewport and to the blue and white frozen world below them. "May God welcome you in His arms, Mira." David wasn't particularly religious but he still had some faith.

"Lieutenant, call the search off. It's time to go home."

"Aye aye, sir."


	15. Chapter 14 To Fallen Heroes

Chapter 14: To Fallen Heroes

It was a couple days since they arrived on Arcturus. Hackett and Anderson bestowed all courtesy to the survivors of the Normandy but for two men in particular, they took extra care. Joker sat at the edge of the bed in the temporary lodgings, staring at the deck. Jeff "Joker" Moreau, the best fucking pilot in the Alliance, and he lost the best ship in the Alliance fleet. He lost his one true friend due to his inability to grab her back into the escape pod.

The vivid memory of seeing the beam cut across the catwalk of the Normandy, separating Shepard from him, tore him up. Swigging at his beer, the pilot shook his head, angry and sullen. Today was her service and he needed to get ready and be in his class As. Joker didn't talk to anyone else, least of all Kaidan. Every time he saw the lieutenant, Joker steered away. He still had bruises from when Kaidan slammed him against the escape pod. On some level, Joker knew that he was trying to apologize but Kaidan never chased him down when Joker turned away. Some friend, Joker thought.

"Here's to you, Shepard." Joker swigged and drained his fourth bottle of beer. The alcohol dulled the pain and emptiness but it didn't take it away. He threw the bottle at the wall by the door, as he had done with the others but this time, the door opened just as it shattered. Dr. Janet Chakwas put an arm up to deflect any incoming glass and then looked at the pilot.

"Jeff, we need to get you ready." Chakwas tsked at the disheveled appearance of the man moping on the bed.

"I don't want to go." Joker pouted sullenly.

"This is your chance to say goodbye to Shepard!" the doctor went over to the closet and brought out the new class As, that Joker rarely wore.

"I don't want to say goodbye!" Joker raised his voice. "It's my fault she's dead! She should be here, getting ready for the next round of ass kicking of those Reapers. I'm just some poor cripple that doesn't matter!"

"Nonsense!" Janet exclaimed. "You are the best pilot in the galaxy. You helped Shepard get through the fights time and time again."

"Not this last one, I didn't. I failed her this time." Joker mumbled.

"You did all you could, Jeff." The doctor came over to him and sat next to him on the bed, placing a comforting arm around his broad shoulders. "Now, come on, she would want you there."

Joker sighed heavily and let himself be helped up and changed into the stiff formal uniform. His legs shook with held back emotion and he had to grit his teeth to keep from collapsing. The doctor held out his crutches, waiting for him to take them. He looked at them with distaste. If only he could walk normally, Shepard wouldn't have needed to haul his ass out of the cockpit. If only his legs were stronger… He took the crutches and settled them under his armpits.

"All right, let's go." Joker gumped.

-/*\-

'_Damn, you look good in class As, Kiadan'_ ghostly fingers ran along his neck. He looked at himself in the mirror. There stood a perfect soldier, a Sentinel, who was tall, handsome, and filled out the blue dress uniform admirably. Only the face devoid of any emotion, being locked away, flawed the poster image. Dragging out the chain around his neck, the soft clinking of tags and a medallion broke the silence of the still room. Kaidan held the dog tags and saintly medallion in the palm of his hand, reading Mira's name and serial number once again, already knowing them by heart. He brought the tag up to his lips and laid a lingering kiss on the dead woman's identification tag.

"I already miss you, Mira." Kaidan choked.

'_I'm always here, love.'_ Her ghost whispered in his ear as Kaidan tucked the tags back into his uniform.

He turned away from the mirror and headed out of the room. The memorial service was soon and he wanted to briefly talk with the remaining crew of the Normandy before it started. For the past few days, they all grieved on their own, not meeting to talk about what happened. Kaidan knew his friendship with Joker was strained because of what he had done to the pilot. He had tried to talk to Joker but the man kept turning away from him. Kaidan could have gone after the pilot but then what was he going to say? Kaidan was in a dark place, much like the one he was in after killing Vyrnnus. This, though, was different, for this involved losing the woman he was in love with. The woman he periodically rescued throughout the years and finally, the past year, gotten to know her intimately.

And yet, Fate stepped in and ripped Mira away from him again. This time, it was forever. How was he going to get through this? Mira was more than what Rahna was to him. The deadly warrior, the sensuous lover, the rousing leader, and generous friend, these things were what Kaidan loved about Mira. To make it through this right now, as the crew and the Alliance said their goodbye to a hero, a commanding officer, and humanity's first Spectre, Kaidan had to lock away his emotions, taking a cue from Mira in pushing down pain and grief in order to get things done.

'_I'm so sorry, Kaidan.'_ That ghost of a memory echoed in his mind.

-/*\-

David looked down at the podium and at the speech he had spent all night writing. No amount of words could say what and who Shepard was, for she was many things. A complicated woman and yet, so very straight forward at the same time. Her mother, Captain Hannah Shepard had arrived a few short hours ago, going to him and Hackett, demanding to know what happened. A true commander, she took in the report with a keen sense and sorted out the facts from the hearsay. But her lips trembled with grief, for first her husband had died in action three years before, and now, her daughter met that same fate.

The survivors sat in the first row of seats below the stage. The initial service was for the public, Alliance brass, and those officers and enlisted who served with Shepard. In a couple days time, Mira's mother was taking the empty casket for a private graveside service for close friends and family. David's eyes fell on Lieutenant Alenko, noting the stiffness of the man's demeanor. The man had shut himself away and did not show any emotion. Then his eyes fell on Joker, who was showing every bit of emotion the man felt, from anger to sadness and guilt. David knew the pilot wanted to be anywhere else but there and back in his ACU's. The only consolation that was given to Joker for wearing the formal blues was the ball cap with SR1 on it.

"I had a speech written for this service for Lieutenant Commander Mira Shepard but…I think talking from the heart is more deserving for her. She never put up with bullshit and hated political formality." His hands gripped the sides of the podium. Admiral Steven Hackett stood to the side, nodding approval. "We can mourn all of our heroes but Shepard…she was something remarkable. She defied the odds many times over and in doing so, saved many lives. Her heart was set for justice, along with seeing those she cared about come through any situation in one piece. Shepard inspired her fellow crew to do the impossible." David bowed his head, swallowing the rising lump. "For me personally, she was my protégé, my friend, and in some ways, my daughter. I will miss her, miss our talks, miss working with her, and so much more. She inspired me to be so much more than an Alliance soldier.

Shepard was inspiration embodied. She took on challenges that would put off any normal human being. But in her style, she would just nod her head, ask for the mission parameters and go into the mission expecting anything. I am glad to have guided her career and gained her trust. The woman she was expected a lot out of people but was always giving them a chance. The line between alien and human was indistinguishable. For Shepard is the rare person who saw each being as their own individual personality, despite whom and what they are. As long as that individual was upfront, honest, and didn't treat her like a lesser being, Shepard would never turn away from those that needed her help." David paused, the lump in his throat getting unbearable to speak around.

"I'm going to let those who wish to speak, have their turn. Please, welcome Admiral Steven Hackett." David stepped aside and let the older man step up, his face grim.

Hackett stood there for a minute, looking at the last remaining crew of the Normandy, his eyes settling briefly on Joker and Kaidan. Closing his eyes briefly, he started in his dry, quiet voice. "Shepard inspired us all, even me. I took the raw potential of a cadet and molded her, pushed her, guided the woman to the soldier she became. I may have pushed too hard at times but she always surprised me. Shepard is one of a kind. She never flinched when helping me with a personal mission, and has saved my life in the process." Hackett's eyes glimmered with unshed tears. "She was the daughter I wished I had. Captain Shepard, you and your husband had raised her well." Being a man of few words, Hackett had finished saying his piece and stood down.

The podium stood empty for a couple of minutes, and when no one looked to be coming forward, Joker hobbled up the stage. He cleared his throat. "I don't like giving speeches, much less standing in front of a crowd but we are talking about the Commander. I am proud to have served with her. Shepard made each of us feel special, giving her time to talk with each of us and get to know us. I speak for the Normandy when I say, we'd follow her to hell again." He struggled back down the stage and took his place again.

David looked to see if any other member of the Normandy would come forward, mainly to see if Kaidan would step forward. But the man sat there, impassive, hand clenched over his chest. Sighing, David stepped forward again. "If there is no one else that wishes to speak, benediction will be said."

-/*\-

Kaidan was about to head back to his room when a hand touched his arm. Looking over his shoulder, he saw an older woman with Captain's bars on her shoulders. She had Mira's full mouth and honey brown hair but that was where the similarity ended. Mira took after her father in manner and looks, as Kaidan found out from one late night talk with her. "Captain Shepard." He greeted her.

"Lieutenant Alenko, I'm glad to have caught up with you. I heard you were close with Mira."

"I..who told you?"

The older woman gave a soft chuckle, reminiscent of Mira's. "Mira. We keep…kept in regular contact, even if it was not real-time. Since John's…the Major's death, we had started to become close. We talked about you, Lieutenant, especially before Ilos when she was struggling with regulations and her own heart."

"I did the same thing with my own father. He was a Marine before the First Contact War and basically told me that matters of the heart will take precedence and damn the regulations. He also knew that Mira and I are professional enough to not let it interfere with duty." Kaidan dropped his eyes for a moment, a brief flash of grief showing through.

"Indeed. That was instilled in her by her father. After all, he damned the regs when we met and served together as young officers."

"Runs in the family then?" Kaidan's mouth twitched.

"You could say that." Hannah Shepard laughed softly. "Anyway, I don't want to start talking about my past history. I wanted to invite you Mira's private service at Arlington on Earth."

"I…I don't…"

"May I call you Kaidan? Well, Kaidan, I think she would rather have you there instead of the pomp and circumstance that needs to happen for the Alliance brass and Council. I think, for you, it would be good closure in a more intimate setting. I invited the survivors of the Normandy to join too."

"Uh…thank you." Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck, unsure of what to say to Mira's mother.

"My ship will take us back to Earth in twelve hours. Admiral Hackett has approved the temporary assignment and extended leave for all of you. Does your father live on Earth?"

"Yes, he has a place in Vancouver."

Hannah nodded and patted Kaidan's arm. "We will have a chance to talk further. I would like to know more about you and Mira."

The captain turned on her heel and headed back to the assembly hall. Kaidan watched her go, noting the commanding walk was Mira's too. Kaidan's chest tightened as sorrow and guilt attempted to surface. The next sight he noticed in the hall was Joker's hobbling walk. Joker spotted Kaidan and scowled, looking around for an escape. Sighing, Kaidan walked toward Joker.

"Joker…."

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to….apologize…for what happened…."

"Forget it, Alenko." Joker grumbled. "We both weren't in our right mind."

"Still, no reason for me to take my anger out on you."

"Hey, I said forget it, okay? So, did Shepard's mom invite you to the service on Earth?"

"Yeah." Kaidan rubbed at the back of his neck, the tingling of a headache working at the back of his head.

"Huh." Joker grunted.

The two men stood there in an uncomfortable silence, not speaking what each other were thinking. Each suffered their own guilt and pain. Giving a nod, Kaidan left Joker and headed back to his room, thinking about gathering his things to go to Earth. He was going to take up on the offer of a ride home.

-/*\-

The day of the private service at Arlington National Cemetery, outside of Washington D.C., was gray and threatening rain. For Joker's mood, it fit perfectly. The service was small and intimate, with Liara, Garrus, Tali, and even Wrex, there attending at the graveside. They all knew the casket was empty but it was festooned with the Alliance flag and a large spray of white roses. It was serene and perfect, Joker mused. All of the remaining crew and Shepard's friends stood there, along with her mother and Captain Anderson.

The chaplain intoned some long and boring passage from the bible regarding life and salvation but Joker only paid half a mind. His own mind was tired and guilt-ridden as the vivid images of Shepard blowing out into space as the hatch closed was always there. Joker pulled down the brim of his cap more over his eyes, hiding the tears pooling in them. The doctor was at his side, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. She tried to hide her sobs but the sniffling echoed in his ears. Joker did give a peek over at Kaidan, who stood at the other side of the casket, next to Shepard's mother. He was standing tall and stiff, showing no emotion. It pissed Joker off that all that Shepard supposedly meant to him, that the man didn't show anything! Even Captain Shepard couldn't keep the grief from showing on her face. All that Alenko could do was stand there, staring at the festooned casket and holding a hand over his chest, fingers twitching.

And what the hell was that supposed to mean? It was like some distorted gesture of allegiance or salute. Why can't he just show something! Joker railed and cursed at Alenko for standing there, so perfect a soldier, face stoic and just…just…not showing a damn thing for the woman he was supposed to have cared about. Joker snorted angrily, getting some looks his way. The chaplain had even stopped briefly to look at him.

"Sorry," Joker mumbled.

It wasn't that much longer when the chaplain finished up the service and people started filing past Captain Hannah Shepard, giving their condolences and saying good-bye to Shepard. Each crewman placed a single yellow rose of friendship on the casket. Liara and Tali even laid a hand on it briefly. Joker watched this, anxious and nervous. Doctor Chakwas stayed by his side, letting him know that she was there to help him. That irritated Joker for some reason and hobbled on his crutches over to Shepard's mother.

"I…I…"Joker stammered. "I wish…"

"Lieutenant," the captain reached a hand out to him, resting gently on his arm. Joker nearly flinched away but held his place, "it is alright. You did all you could for Mira. Don't blame yourself." The woman spoke for his ears and he about cried there.

He didn't deserve this acceptance and forgiveness. Why couldn't she be angry or damn him? No, it wouldn't be her way. Captain Shepard had his Shepard's calm demeanor and accepting that which couldn't be changed. She was aware of what transpired and knew her daughter did she was trained to do. But if he hadn't been stubborn about saving the Normandy…if he gotten out of the seat when everyone died around him….if, if, if.

"I wish I wasn't so stubborn." Joker blurted.

"Mr. Moreau," Captain Shepard started, "knowing my daughter, she would have gone for you again. And from what I have heard about you, you gave the crew a chance to escape by keeping the Normandy flying for a little bit longer. Would you have changed that?"

"Uh…" he hung his head and shook it, "no."

"Then, please, remember Mira in life and your friendship with her." A slight waver was heard in the woman's voice as she spoke gently to Joker. Tears finally spilled silently down his cheeks just as arms took him in and embraced him for a short few moments. Shepard's mother stepped away from him, nodded to Kaidan before turning away from the graveside, being escorted by Captain Anderson.

-/*\-

It was hard to breathe and the day seemed surreal. Kaidan tried to keep his grief under tight control, his jaw hurting from clenching it so hard. From doing it so long, it was starting to make his head hurt. He watched the interchange between Captain Shepard and Joker, seeing his friend attempt to express himself. One thing about Joker was that he could never come out and say how he felt, as it often was deflected by snide remarks or insults. But the tears on Joker's face spoke what the pilot couldn't verbalize.

However, for him, he was too numb and in shock. Knowing that Mira's body wasn't in the casket only made this whole service seem….unfinished. Kaidan was the last one standing there, looking at the roses left for Shepard's memory. Everyone had a yellow rose but for him, he had a single red rose. Bringing it to his nose, he inhaled the spicy tea fragrance.

_The silky petals caressed down her face, brushing across her parted lips and the chin. A smile spread across her face, along with that throaty chuckled that sent shivers down Kaidan's spine. He trailed the opened rose down the throat and to her chest. The rose was cut fresh from his mother's garden that was still tended by a neighbor. It was a variety that bloomed late in the season, so it had a more spicy scent. But this morning, Kaidan teased Mira's skin, watching in delight as her flesh pimpled. _

"_I guess our hike is postponed again." Mira stated._

"_Mmm, I think so," Kaidan murmured, as his lips brushed the skin of Mira's collarbone. He trailed his mouth further down, eliciting small moans from the woman under him._

Kaidan closed his eyes, forcing the tears back. Taking a deep breath, Kaidan stepped forward and laid the red rose on top of the rest. The first drops of rain was felt as he turned away and followed what was left of the funeral party.

-New Year's, 2184—

It was a new year on the Citadel and the celebrations were over the top, as always. The crew of the Normandy, though still awaiting assignment, were gathered to celebrate together. Kaidan didn't want to go, wanting to be alone. Messages on his terminal were going unanswered as he retreated into himself. He would have stayed on Earth and gone to the cabin but there memories of Mira there and her death were too fresh for him. His father understood but still advised Kaidan to take some leave and have some time to mourn.

Kaidan refused and headed back to the Citadel, stayed at the Alliance lodging, waiting to go back to duty. A month passed after the Normandy's and Shepard's loss, the news of the tragedy still being broadcasted and yet, the crew's assignment was still not coming. Kaidan brooded, sat in his temporary quarters, reliving those short days with Mira at the cabin. To help him go to sleep, he would pour some whiskey to numb him enough to where he wouldn't awaken after a couple of hours, crying out her name. The dog tags never came off and he constantly rubbed St. Valentine and Mira's tag between his fingers.

Now, the turnover of a new year, Kaidan was sitting at the bar at the Flux, nursing his fourth beer. Mira should have been here, celebrating the New Year with them. They would have gone out for dinner and then find somewhere private to spend a quieter celebration. The ghostly voice would haunt him now and then, chiding him for being so serious or that he had to move on.

"Hey, Alenko!" a loud voice called to him.

Joker. Kaidan groaned and finished off his beer, motioning for another one. He had a good buzz going but the pain in his chest was still there.

"LT!" Joker shouted, his speech slurred from heavy drinking. "Why don't…don't you shay…a toast…to the besssht Commander the….Alllianch…Alliancssshh….Alliance….ever seen!"

"Leave me alone, Joker." Kaidan told the pilot as he approached where Kaidan was sitting.

"Hellno! We are celebrating two months since Shepard died."

"I know." Kaidan responded stiffly, not needing the reminder.

"Then why aren't ya celebrating?" Joker bumped into Kaidan, his crutch banging against the bar. "I mean, YOU ….you…didn't ssshhay…ssssay…anything…at her service. I thought…you…were her friend?"

"I am, Joker. I just prefer to grieve in my own way." Kaidan gritted his teeth, his blood simmering with rising anger as Joker was attempting to provoke him.

"Then let us know….you cared! You…stuck up ass…can't even…can't say shit for Shepard!" Joker's face was red with drink and anger.

"What do you want me to say now, Joker?" Kaidan hissed. "Shepard knows my feelings. I don't have to tell you what they are!"

"Bullshit!" Joker yelled.

The other crew stopped their drinking and looked at the pair, seeing a fight about to start. A couple of them moved closer to the pair in case something happened that they needed to pull apart the two men.

"We don't know! You arrogant….sonofabitch…fucking robot standing there, at her grave…and didn't give a shhhit."

Before anyone knew, Kaidan turned around to face Joker and swung a right hook at the pilot, knocking the man back and sliding to the floor. Kaidan still kept his fist closed as he looked down at the dazed man who used to be his friend, anger flooding through his body. The anger burned the alcohol away, leaving a red haze around the edge of his vision. Blue flickered around his body as emotion threatened to overwhelm his self-control.

"Fuck you, Joker! You have no idea what I feel." Kaidan spat cooly and stormed out of the Flux, what was left of the Normandy crew staring after the former Marine Commander.


	16. Chapter 15 All Hell Breaks Loose

Title: All the Things That I've Done  
Chapter 15 – All Hell Breaks Loose

Things went downhill after New Year's. The Council started changing the story about the attack of the Citadel and said it was solely done by Saren and his geth fleet, and that the Reaper was a leftover from the time of the Prothean extinction. The Reapers return was never mentioned again. Anderson won the election to the Council, leaving Udina as ambassador and his aide. The Alliance offices on the Citadel grew in number as they filled in the void left by the destruction of the attack. More human officers joined C-Sec, one being Armando Bailey. Largely, he was a minor C-Sec officer among the turian-dominated force but after the attack, he saw a promotion to Captain of the Zakera Ward.

But it was only the start. The Alliance started reassigning the surviving crew of the Normandy to other ships or stations', breaking up Shepard's trusted team. Shepard's role in destroying Sovereign was given less credence and was, in so many unspoken words, dismissed as the fabrications of an ego-driven human Spectre, set to prove herself to the galaxy. This all angered those who served with Shepard, including Kaidan. For they knew the truth and the truth was being swept under the rug and the crew sent away.

For Joker's part, he never approached Kaidan after he got punched. Maybe it was better that way, Kaidan thought. The email on his terminal in the temporary lodging showed a report of Joker being tossed out of another bar and threatened with charges. It was the last straw for the Alliance as they grounded the crippled pilot and left him on extended leave. Kaidan shook his head. The man was meant to fly and grounding the pilot was likening to cutting his legs off to never walk again.

Doctor Chakwas was assigned to a groundside medical facility at Mars and she wrote Kaidan frequently. Especially in checking up on him and how was he faring. Garrus tried to work with C-Sec again but he butted heads with Executor Pallin and one day, disappeared off the Citadel.

"Mira, you kept us all together! Now look at what they are doing to us!" Kaidan spoke to the empty room. He was still awaiting his own orders but as of yet, arranging a meeting with Admiral Hackett or now Councilor Anderson was a trial in patience. Frankly, his patience was thin nowadays and it took going to the gym and taking out his anger on the punching bag in order to gain some self-control again.

The coming back to lonely quarters, heart aching for Mira, Kaidan couldn't stand anymore. Every night, he would sit in a chair, in the dark, with a whiskey in hand. Even now, while reading through the piles of email on his terminal, did Kaidan take a drink of the whiskey in his hand. The liquid burned a familiar path down his throat to his stomach, sinking there in the darkness inside of him.

He sat back in the chair, tumbler dangling at his finger tips, staring at the glow of the screen. Mira's ghostly touch sent a shiver down his neck as he thought about her touch. Kaidan sighed in sorrow, wanting so much to feel Shepard in his arms, inhale the scent of lavender that she wore, and taste her mouth and skin. For so long he had dreamed of doing that and when finally the chance came for them, fate stepped in. In a sudden flash of anger, Kaidan hurled the tumbler against the wall, the sound of shattering glass echoing in the quarters living area.

His hand glowed blue as dark energy pulsed in him powerfully. With a growl, Kaidan unleashed a throw at the couch, knocking it flying to the far wall, where it broke in half. He picked it up with his biotics, and slammed the broken couch down on the floor. With a sudden clarity and intense focus, Kaidan worked up the energy for a singularity, that Mira had shown him how to do. The singularity was tough for him to gather as it took a great deal of energy and concentration. Anger and grief fueled him and the pinpoint of a black hole started to appear. Sweat broke out on his forehead as he twisted his hand in the gesture, and then a hot jolt of pain flared behind his eyes, breaking the dark energy gathering.

"Fuck!" Kaidan cried out as he collapsed to the floor, the sudden migraine shooting pins of light through his vision. His body wracked then in deep chest sobs, finally releasing the grief trapped inside, after three months since Mira's death. He rocked his body back and forth as the grief broke free from his control, tears flowing hotly down his cheeks and chest heaving.

The chiming of the door brought Kaidan back to the living as he laid there on the cool floor in the dark, head numb from the passing migraine. His body felt leaden and eyes dry but he pushed his body up from the floor and stumbled through the damage of furniture and glass to answer the door. Raking hair out of his eyes, he released the lock, the door opening onto Admiral Hackett. Kaidan groaned loudly and tried to salute the man.

"At ease, Lieutenant." Hackett paused and looked over the Sentinel. "You look like hell, Alenko."

"Feel like I did a marathon there, Admiral." Kaidan croaked out, his throat dry and raw from crying. He stood aside to let the older man in. Hackett glanced at the wreck of the place and raised an eyebrow to Kaidan.

"Well, I think I arrived in time. I figured this would happen sooner or later."

"Sir?"

"Why do you think I haven't contacted you until now?"

"I figured you were busy, as with Cap…Councilor Anderson."

"Partially." Hackett sighed and went over to the kitchen area, looking for a couple of unscathed glasses and something to drink. "Anderson and I gave you time to come to terms with your grief, Alenko. In many ways, you remind me of myself, and it was only a matter of time before…" Hackett looked at the destruction in the quarters, "before hell broke loose." He poured out a drink for both Kaidan and him, handing the drink to the lieutenant.

"Thanks." Kaidan accepted the drink and took a careful sip. "You know about Shepard and I then."

"Yes. I'm not going to do anything about the breaking of regulations, Alenko, so rest easy." Hackett held a hand up to Kaidan as he was about to start protesting. "Shepard needed you, Alenko. I'm thankful that both of you were professional enough to keep the relationship under wraps and off duty."

"We are Marines, Admiral." Kaidan took a larger drink of the whiskey in his hand.

"How are you holding up, Kaidan?" Hackett addressed the man by his first name, which shocked Kaidan.

He couldn't say anything for a moment and then sighed morosely, "I'm holding up, sir. I miss her like crazy."

"So do I." Hackett admitted before downing the rest of the amber liquid in his glass. "Did you know she saved my life? I used to have a daughter that decided being a terrorist was better than being an Admiral's daughter." Hackett walked around the littered living area, recounting the mission to Noveria to Kaidan. Kaidan listened intently, learning something new about Mira's career before the Normandy.

"That is why she hated going to Noveria." Kaidan remembered how Shepard reacted with distaste when they reached the frozen world.

"Yes. Not a pleasant place to begin with and to add to the memory of where she had to kill my only daughter, well, it left a lasting impression."

"I had asked her once about it." Kaidan said. After a moment's pause, Kaidan looked at the empty glass and sat it on the kitchen counter. "So, why are you here, Admiral?"

"It's time to get you back to work, Lieutenant. Now that you released the grief, you can finally start back to duty. I needed to judge for myself to see if you are ready."

"If I stay cooped up any longer, I don't think there would be anything left here to smash." Kaidan gave a bitter laugh.

"Heh. I think you got the main part of your anger and grief out of you, Alenko. Don't worry about the furniture. Get yourself cleaned up and report to my office in two hours. We will discuss your future assignment then." Hackett turned for the door, leaving a bewildered and distraught Kaidan standing amongst his destruction.

Kaidan arrived at the Alliance offices and Admiral Hackett's suite. The receptionist confirmed his appointment and informed Hackett he had arrived. Kaidan took the time to get a good shower and shave, smoothing his thick wavy hair back in place, and making sure he was the picture of poster Alliance officer. Tugging at the hem of the class As, Kaidan walked through the door leading to Hackett's inner office. He was surprised to see Councilor Anderson there as he stood up and greeted Kaidan.

"Lieutenant, it's good to see you." Anderson smiled warmly.

"You too, Councilor. That is going take some time to get used to, sir."

"To tell the truth, I'm not used to the new title either. Not yet." Anderson gave a small laugh.

"Gentlemen," Hackett held out a hand for them to take a seat. "The Councilor is here as your new assignment is a special one, where you will be working for both me and for Councilor Anderson."

"Sir?" Kaidan asked, cocking his head a little.

"You have proven yourself a deft hand at politics and being an unbiased person. Also, your tech and biotic skills have grown exponentially and will be useful for some special work we will ask of you."

"So," Kaidan ventured slowly and carefully, eyeing both men. "I'm a liaison between the Alliance and Council?"

"In some respect," Anderson answered. "You won't answer to the Council but to me. I need a trusted officer to work with while I look out for human interests on the Council. Your grasp of galactic politics and the connections you and Shepard made will help out tremendously. The Admiral and I need a mobile person that isn't tied down to one station or a ship."

"In retrospect, you are well overdue for a promotion, Lieutenant." Hackett announced. "The new promotion will give your more clearance and resources to do your job for us. Also, in hindsight, this has been put off way too long. Shepard had started the paperwork for your promotion to Lieutenant Commander before you went on leave."

"She what?" Kaidan asked in surprise.

Hackett chuckled, "She was also going to get her Captain bars before…." Hackett's voice dropped off as the smile dimmed. He cleared his throat and laid his hands folded on the desk. "Effective immediately, you are hereby promoted to Staff Commander."

Kaidan's mouth dropped and then he snapped it shut, regaining his composure. "I don't think…"

"Commander Alenko, it was well overdue. I'm afraid I held back your promotion because of you holding back your potential." Hackett intoned seriously.

"Uh…" Kaidan didn't know what to say, knowing what Hackett said to him at the academy and then today had hit home. It took serving with Shepard for him to realize that he held himself back and that he couldn't fret about restraining the full force of his biotics against the enemy. The enemy had proven to be both human and alien, and each time, out to harm the squad. As Shepard had said, you have to get the job done, even if it meant killing. "Thank you, Admiral." Kaidan said humbly.

-/*\-

Joker groaned as the bright light hit him in the face, making it seem like a thousand daggers were piercing his head. Swallowing, he gagged at the foul aftertaste in his mouth and the fuzzy feeling on his tongue and teeth. "What died and crawled in my mouth?"

"Hmm, well, that could be the bottle of cheap Asari liquor you drank or the dozen or so beers you had, Joker." The baritone of Anderson's voice poked at him from the other side of the kinetic barrier of the C-Sec cell Joker opened his eyes to.

"Ugh, well, I guess that explains why I'm stiff all over." Joker rolled himself to an up position and gently moved his legs to hang over what passed for a bed.

"How many times are you going to do this, Joker?" Anderson asked, arms crossed across his chest, over civilian attire and not the Captain's uniform Joker was used to seeing Anderson in.

"Until the pain goes away." Joker muttered darkly.

"You'll kill yourself from drink first." Anderson shook his head and released the barrier. "Come on, let's get some coffee into you." The man walked over to the hung over pilot, crutches in hand.

Joker grumbled as Anderson helped him up from the bed and out of the cell. He felt horrible but that was the usual nowadays when the nights are spent going from bar to bar, or more like being thrown out from bars for unruly behavior. At least getting drunk helped him forget for a few hours and let him sleep with no nightmares. And as usual, Anderson bailed him out of C-Sec.

They headed down to a cafeteria in the Zakera Ward food district and got some coffee. It was the one place on the Citadel that had actual coffee imported from Earth. Joker sighed as the dark hot liquid scaled down his throat, clearing out the taste of last night's binge. Wrapping his hands around the cup, Joker hung his head, staring at the dark depths.

"I'm fucked, ain't I?

"As far as flying anytime soon for an Alliance ship, I'm afraid so." Anderson confirmed Joker's fear.

"I'm a pilot! What am I supposed to do now? I'm a hobbled freak and have no friends."

"What about Alenko?"

"Pffft." Joker shook his head. "I pretty much ruined that when I got punched by him."

"You might be surprised, Joker. He's pretty forgiving and he is also having a hard time, too.

"Yeah, Shepard and him were pretty close, weren't they? Alenko never said anything at the service. Not once did his damn mask crack and speak up for her!" Joker's jaw snapped shut before his bitterness at his friend's stoicism got him started.

"He's grieving, Jeff, just like you." Anderson took a drink of his coffee and looked at the pilot. "We all deal with grief in our own ways. What did you do after Ashley's death?"

Joker sighed heavily, "Shepard is different. She was….shit…I really liked her, Captain."

"Well, that's quite an admission coming from you."

Joker looked up at Anderson and snorted softly. "Next to you, sir, she was the best CO I served with. I would go to hell for her. Hell, everyone on the Normandy would! But…."

"She was your friend and I'm guessing you had a bit of a crush."

"Shhh!" Joker waved his hands for Anderson to quiet down.

"There is nothing to be ashamed of, Joker. There are a lot of men who had a crush at one time on Shepard. Hell, some women did too. Shepard was a charismatic person, without even trying."

The acerbic man shifted in his seat and swallowed the rest of his coffee in one gulp. "Let's drop it, okay? So, now what?"

Anderson leaned forward and looked at Joker, "You need to stop getting into trouble and find something to do. I know of an independent freighter that needs a good pilot. The captain is an old friend and is willing to give you a try."

"A freighter?" Joker's face scrunched up with distaste.

"It's that or next time you get arrested, I won't be bailing you out of C-Sec. It's been three months since Shepard's death, Joker. It's time to move on. I'm not asking you to not grieve for her or forget, that will take longer to come to terms but you need to do something other than cause trouble."

"Otherwise, quite being an embarrassment to you." Joker said snidely.

The Councilor sighed, "Quit being an embarrassment to yourself, Joker, and to Shepard."

Joker's eyes shot up and stared at Anderson. The man met his stare without flinching. Joker knew the truth of those words as he was a joke lately. He needed to be out in the stars, the hum of the engines through the deck vibrating in his fragile legs. "What's this guy's name and where is the ship?" Joker asked sullenly.

-/*\-

Six Months later, Lazarus Station

"The skeleton has finally been put together, the cybernetic joints fusing admirably to the organic bone and tissue. Brain activity and heartbeat is still steady but weak, which is to be expected due to the amount of trauma Shepard has experienced." Miranda intoned in her logs as she looked through the window and the rejuvenation tank that Shepard was submersed in. She wasn't much to look at, still a scarred and burned body with no recognizable features. The skin weave were still growing in a separate vat, tailored to Shepard's DNA so there would be less chance for rejection.

Miranda had spent many hours over Shepard's personnel files from the Alliance and even records dating back to her childhood through the Alliance's education system for military dependents. Shepard was exceptionally intelligent and gifted. This lead to some problems with her teachers as she often questioned the status quo and asked questions her instructors had no plausible answer. Her intelligence also led Shepard to become lazy in her schoolwork if she wasn't sufficiently challenged. The Cerberus operative had to chuckle at that. The Illusive Man wanted the woman back as she was and Miranda did admire Shepard but could see that her personality would conflict with Cerberus and the Illusive Man. In fact, if the Illusive Man wasn't prepared, Shepard was going to provide more of a challenge to him than help.

He kept assuring Miranda that it wouldn't be a problem. He had safeguards in place in case Shepard proved to be…intractable. In fact, seeing the remaining crew of the Normandy assigned apart from each other and a couple of them disappearing was a start in breaking Shepard's ties to her support network. It was a measure of control that the Illusive Man was instilling early on before Shepard was fully revived.

"Miranda," Wilson poked his head in the door of the office, "The L5s arrived."

"Ah, good," Miranda sat up from her chair and stood. "She was a powerful adept before, well, we are going to make it even more so."

"The L5x haven't been fully tested." Wilson whined a little. He was into the project but some of the things they were doing were crossing some ethical lines even for him.

"There isn't time to fully test the implants, Wilson. Before we get the skin weaves on, they need to be in place. Is the node mapping completed?"

"Yes and is already loaded into the tank's system for implementation."

"Then, we start the next phase." Miranda coolly dictated and strode down the corridor to the surgical lab where Shepard's body laid in the tank.


	17. Chapter 16 Pieces Being Set

A/N: There are some references from Mass Effect: Ascension in here. If you haven't read it, this is a little spoiler.

* * *

All the Things That I've Done  
Chapter 16 – Pieces Being Set

* * *

November 2184

Even in the 22nd century, London still looked the same as it did a hundred years ago, with maybe a couple of modern day structures. Around 2056, Parliament had passed a law regarding the urban development of London. All new structures were to go under heavy scrutiny if they were placed in Old Town, where Downing Street, the Tower, and London Bridge were located. The British Parliament took example from the development of Washington DC, which retained its colonial grandeur to this day.

Now, Kaidan was visiting London with Anderson, whose home this was. For late in autumn, the day was misty and gray. Kaidan didn't want to think about his birthday but felt a twang anyway as the St. Valentine medallion Mira gave him last year was still nestled against his chest. The last few months saw more responsibility and people who started answering to him with 'Commander' and 'Sir'. Kaidan had been a Lieutenant for so long, he was used to the rank as being synonymous with his name. The months had kept him busy during the days at the Citadel and Arcturus but whenever he went to his apartment after duty, the grief and loneliness waited. When he tried to sleep, Kaidan would hear Mira's whisper and then the memories of their short time together would playback in his mind. It often woke him feeling hard and frustrated.

Since arriving in London, Kaidan would hear a piano playing a piece that Mira had played and he would rush to see if it was her, only to be disappointed. It was almost a year since the Normandy's destruction and Kaidan felt so out of touch with those that served with Shepard.

"The Prime Minister is ready to see you, Councilor." A petite and pale aide stepped out from polished oak double doors and smiled at the gentlemen. When Kaidan followed Anderson into the office, the woman gave him an appraising look as he walked past. Kaidan pretended to not notice and continued in to the office of the Prime Minister at Downing Street.

"Councilor Anderson, a pleasure to see you!"

"Prime Minister Carrington, it has been a while." Anderson smiled and shook the other man's hand. "May I introduce you to Staff Commander Alenko."

"Pleased to meet you, Prime Minister." Kaidan extended his hand to the shorter man.

"Commander, I have heard quite a few things about you. All good, of course!" He smiled at Kaidan. "It is good to see upstanding officers in the Alliance like you still exist. After the loss of Commander Shepard…" the man trailed off.

Kaidan's face slipped a little as his jaw clenched from a pang of sorrow at the mention of her name. "She is greatly missed by those of us who have served with her."

"So," The Prime Minister turned his attention to Anderson, now in business mode. "What brings you back to London? Surely not to chat about old times of when we were young men."

Anderson chuckled, "No, not this time, Robert. The Commander and I are continuing Shepard's mission regarding the Reapers."

The Prime Minister's face closed quickly and shook his head at Anderson. "I'm sorry, David, but that case is closed here. It was decided that there was no perceivable threat and Parliament closed the door."

"Nothing can be said or done to get any help on this?" Anderson frowned.

"I'm sorry, old friend, no. You are on your own. I'm sorry you came all this way to solicit my help and have the door shut on you but…my hands are tied."

"I see."

"Prime Minister, the threat is still there though it may not seem so." Kaidan broke the silence and added his thought with a little heat. "Vigil on Ilos has the records about the history of destruction by the Reapers. I've heard the story along with Shepard."

"And Sovereign was a lone vanguard. There is no proof that the ship sentient and not influenced by Saren." Carrington sighed. "The lack of hard evidence is what is damning your case, Commander. The Council cleaned house thoroughly of any remnants of Sovereign."

"Is there nothing that can be done?" Kaidan asked. Anderson nodded in agreement.

"Well," Carrington paused and then moved around the desk in the office, opening a drawer and pulling out an envelope. "In here is an OCD of some intelligence reports by our MI-6 agents out in the Terminus Systems. This is data from the time the Normandy was destroyed up to last week. These are unofficial, of course, but some of us are wondering what is going on with our colonies that left Alliance controlled space. You may find some….familiar and disturbing things, Commander."

Anderson received the envelope and tucked it away in a pocket. "Robert, thank you. I know you could get fired for doing this."

"Yes, but some of us are not as blind as others, David. My gut says something is coming and our days are numbered."

"That infamous instinct, eh?" Anderson grinned.

"You bet your arse!" Carrington smiled. "I remember it saved our collective arses back in the day."

"Thank you, sir." Kaidan nodded somberly.

The Prime Minister looked to Kaidan with a thoughtful look on his face and nodded to himself. "Be careful, Commander Alenko. I have already lost six agents on this covert operation."

"I will be, sir."

"I hate to rush, David, but I have another appointment waiting."

"No need to apologize, I completely understand now that I am in similar shoes."

Carrington laughed, "No rest for the wicked! Goodbye, gentlemen. I do hope that intel will be of some use."

The two men took their leave and left the office. The aide smiled at them, her smile widening toward Kaidan. He politely thanked her and followed Anderson out to the waiting black cabs. As they got in, they sat in silence for a few moments as the cab took them back to their hotel. Anderson was lost in thought and Kaidan watched the damp buildings flash by.

"While we are here on Earth, Kaidan, would you like to take a short trip to Arlington?" Anderson broke the silence and asked his stoic friend.

"Arlington?" Kaidan's eyes blinked for a moment, remember that Shepard's grave was there. "I…um..yes, that would be nice. And fitting."

"I thought so myself."

-/*\-

He hated flying this piece of shit and every day he stayed on the freighter, his temper was fraying even more. The captain was also getting short with him but could do nothing until they got back to the Citadel. Nine long months Joker been on this tub and he regretted in taking the job. The ship was old, though well maintained, but it was sluggish. It was like flying a twelve ton pig through mud. Joker was dying for a drink.

Looking at the chronometer, he noted the date and sighed heavily. The one year anniversary of Shepard's death was soon. The nightmares lessened over time but every once in a while, he woke up in a cold sweat and heart racing from seeing Shepard and the Normandy die. He wondered how Alenko was doing. For that matter, he wondered about Liara, Wrex, Garrus, and even Tali. What was Chief Adams doing now? How was the doctor enjoying the good life on Mars? Joker sighed again and willed the ship to move faster to the Citadel.

"Joker, ETA." The captain walked up behind him and demanded.

"Four hours and 12 minutes."

"Good. We won't lose the perishables."

"Yeah, we won't. I cut off our flight time by taking a short cut."

The captain raised an eyebrow at Joker, not wanting to know what the pilot did. "Keep me informed when we get there."

The footsteps of the captain retreated away from Joker, which relieved him. He didn't dislike the man, he was good people but Joker just couldn't stand to fly under him anymore. He wanted his Normandy back, he wanted his old Commander back. Damn, he wanted a drink, if only to raise a salute to Shepard's memory.

Joker wasted the next four hours going over system checks, tweaking settings here and there and just becoming numb with boredom. The ship didn't have a live extranet connection, so he couldn't peruse his favorite bookmarks. His thoughts also led him to the good moments with Shepard, as she stood at his shoulder in the cockpit, bantering with him or just plain talking during the lulls between missions. They got along easily, sharing a similar wicked sense of humor and dry wit. Kaidan would often spar with them when he was in the cockpit too, and the trio would always end up with stitches at their sides. Those times helped Joker through the long hours to far away systems or mining systems for resources.

Damn, Anderson was right. Joker developed a crush on Shepard. He would never tell her or attempt to do anything more than snipe back and forth with Shepard. No, Joker was a man with weak legs and he knew that there was something between her and Kaidan. Still, fantasizing about your hot looking Commander did no harm.

"Captain, we are approaching the Widow relay." Joker commed the freighter captain. 'Yeaay, almost free!' Joker thought to himself.

Joker plotted the course to the minute microsecond to the relay and maneuvered this ship to its final jump to the heart of Council space. The ship seemed to stretch for a millisecond and then accelerate between space, stars turning into solid lines through the viewport. The extra mass effect field put a little extra pressure on everything, always making Joker's skin tingle. Before you could take another breath, they were on the other side, looking into the heart of the Widow nebula, swirling with white and blue, and shots of rosy red.

"Citadel control, this is the MSV Strontium Mule. We are requesting clearance for docking."

"This is Citadel control." A turian voice replied, "You are early."

"We had fair winds at our back." Joker smiled, knowing the turian wouldn't get the old naval reference.

"Strontium Mule," the turian came back after a few moments pause, "you are cleared for dock 228 at Zakera Ward arm."

"Roger, Citadel Control." Joker's hands flew over the old instruments and flew the old freighter through the traffic and towards Zakera's docks.

Once the freighter was docked and the offloading of the cargo was started, Joker hobbled to his bunk and grabbed his bag, already packed to leave. It was tricky to walk with crutches and carrying your belongings but after many years, Joker found a way to do it. He saw the captain on the dock as Joker stepped across the gangway.

The captain noted the bag on Joker's back and held up a hand for the worker he was talking to. Turning to the pilot, the captain gave a little nod. "I knew this would be happening sooner or later."

"Sorry. Not that I don't like you, Captain, but…I'm not cut out to fly freighters."

"No, I supposed not. Well, Jeff," the captain held out his hand to Joker, who shuffled his crutch around to accept it, "it's been a pleasure to at least have your skills at the helm for a short while."

"Thanks," Joker mumbled.

"I'll leave a recommendation at the Dock Master's office, if you need it. Be safe, Joker." With that said, the captain turned away and went back to business.

Joker slowly hobbled to the waiting area of docking terminal and took a seat. Now he needed to think of where to go next. He would need temporary lodgings, some food, and an extranet terminal. Before he could find a good chair to plop down in, someone called his name by his shoulder.

"Mr. Moreau?" a pleasant, accented voice filled his ears. He turned to look into the iciest blue eyes he had ever seen, next to Shepard's, which was more stormy than ice. Even the woman's demeanor was cold as she appraised the hobbled pilot. "I'm Miranda Lawson and I would like to talk to you about a proposition."

"Look, if it has to do with a room and undressing," Joker eyed the skin tight suit on the curvy woman, down to the high heels, "you are going to be disappointed."

Miranda's cheeks flushed briefly and then settled. "I'm not offering that kind of proposition, Mr. Moreau. I'm offering you a job, also some help with your…condition."

"Am I a charity case now?" Joker spat out hotly, not caring for the condescending attitude from this strange lady.

"Far from it. In exchange for medical treatment, we would employ your piloting talents to compensate the costs." Miranda cocked her hip out to the side. Joker was getting irritated and his legs were starting to ache from standing up too long with the crutches and his bag.

"Thanks but not interested." Joker was about to start away from Miranda when what she said next stopped him cold.

"What if I told you that Shepard was alive?"

His knuckles whitened in anger that this woman would use Shepard's name as bait. "She can't be. I saw her spaced!" Joker hissed from between his teeth.

"Why is it the Alliance never recovered her body? Someone already got to her before they did. Trust me, she is alive, Mr. Moreau, and if you would like to help her, come with me."

Then Joker noticed the Cerberus patch on her chest and his jaw clenched. What is Cerberus doing with Shepard's body? Is this another one of their 'humane' experiments and they are using a heroes body for whatever foul purposes to further humankind? "What can you do about my legs?" Joker asked warily.

"There are new bone strengthening treatments that can help add some density and strength to your legs, Mr. Moreau. We can't cure the disease but we can make it to where you are able to walk without crutches."

Wow, she was good, Joker thought. The thought was appealing and he was considering in following this Miranda. If Shepard was alive, he wanted to see proof. "Why should I believe that Shepard is alive?"

Miranda brought a data pad, flicked it on and then showed it to Joker. His eyes widened and sucked in air between his teeth. The picture on the pad was horrendous, as it showed a raw body, laying in a regenerative medical tank for burn victims. The first layer of skin grafting was covering the rebuilt body, so it was still red and raw looking. But the facial structure Joker saw, told him it was his Shepard. The readings below the image showed her vitals that were steady, if not exactly strong. Joker couldn't stand to look at her body anymore and shook his head away from the image.

"You see, Mr. Moreau, she is alive and breathing. Cerberus is bringing her back to continue the fight against the Reapers. While the Alliance and the Council refuse to deal with the issue, we are not ignoring it. We need Shepard, and now, we need you, as you are her friend and the best pilot the Alliance has ever had." Miranda gave her little speech with cool composure and a hint of pride. "She is going to need someone she trusts when she awakens."

"How long will that be?"

"I estimate a little over a year from now."

"Okay." He made up his mind. His place was by Shepard's side and if that meant Cerberus was helping bring her back, so be it. His loyalty was to Shepard, no one else.

-/*\-

"It seems that Collector activity is getting rampant across the Terminus systems." Kaidan said, while going over part of the reports the Prime Minister had given them. He picked up another data pad and nodded. Anderson gave a little grunt and put his pad down, rubbing at his eyes. "Reports from Omega regarding their transactions are going more toward human slaves than their usual odd requests. This started weeks after the Normandy's destruction.

"What is the connection?" Anderson growled.

"One agent that is keeping tabs on Cerberus cells and contacts noted a sudden increase of acquisitions, from building materials to medical supplies. This is odd though, in the medical supplies, there are a lot of bioregenerative materials, such as medigel, skin grafting weaves, stimulants, etc. This is not their usual experimental stuff we had noted in the past. This is all tailored to human trauma." Kaidan sat back and sighed, rubbing at his neck. Thank god for medic training but he couldn't figure out anything more of what the materials would be used for.

"That's odd." Anderson commented. "What are they spending so much money on? The last I had heard that Cerberus was doing any human experiments on was for biotics. They were treating this one girl, a savant but powerful biotic, Gillian. She was a part of the Ascension project. Severely autistic but when she unleashed her potential, she dwarfed even your power, Kaidan."

"What happened to her?"

"Cerberus. They were slipping in some sort of drug to increase biotic potential, all through her father and an agent posing as a doctor." Anderson's jaw clenched in a moment of anger. He walked down that memory of when he helped Kahlee Sanders. It was still fresh, only happening a few months prior to his getting Captaincy of the Normandy. "She's safe now. Far away from Cerberus's hands."

Kaidan didn't press anymore about the details of what happened to the girl. He understood all too well about experiments and being pushed too far. While the Ascension Project was far better than BAaT, Kaidan still was leery of the program being useful for children with biotic potential. "Well, only thing noted in the materials manifest that could relate to biotics is experimental nodes and amplifiers of the L5n class."

"L5? That is still in testing!" Anderson shot upright from his chair.

"True. It isn't ready for implantation because of random power spike issues. The manufacturer is looking into both the electrical ramifications or the VI interface."

"Whatever Cerberus is doing, they must be implanting this in some powerful biotic." Anderson shook his head. "You know what this means? They are still looking at making a human biotic weapon."

"Agreed." Kaidan nodded in agreement.

"Let's call it a day. We found enough today to chew over and frankly, I can't see straight anymore."

"Same time tomorrow?" Kaidan asked.

"No, take a day off, Kaidan. We have been at this non-stop for a couple of weeks. I have a meeting with Udina in the morning which I better be on my toes for."

"Why do you keep him around?" Kaidan asked, disgust for the ambassador showing on his face.

"He's useful. It is easier to keep an eye on him this way, too."

"Keep your friends close but your enemies closer?"

"You bet." Anderson cocked a small grin at the officer.

-/*\-

David watched Kaidan leave his office and then leaned back in his chair. Cerberus. The name and organization was a thorn in his side. He wondered how Kahlee was doing at Grissom Academy. After seeing Gillian Grayson safely out of the way from Cerberus hands, she went back to the Academy and her students. The last time he saw her was at her father's funeral on Elysium. He pulled the list of acquisitions toward him and scanned it. Two disparate groups of materials all going to the same place. This was the work of one cell in Cerberus. But the medical supplies are what stumped David and gave him a nagging feeling.

He got up and went over to the terminal on his desk, punching in the contact for Dr. Janet Chakwas on Mars. Drumming his fingers while waiting for the connection, the screen came to life with the image of young man wearing a lab coat.

"Councilor Anderson! A pleasure to receive your call." The young man flustered a bit.

"Is Dr. Chakwas in?" David asked.

"Uh…Dr. Chakwas is no longer here, Councilor."

"What?"

"She did her year here and just a week ago, turned in her papers. It seems she had gotten a proposition that she couldn't turn down."

"Do you know where she went?" David asked, shock and confusion setting in, turning his stomach sour.

"No, sir. She booked passage on a freighter toward the Terminus Systems. She didn't leave any forwarding point of contact. Though, her Alliance email is still active."

"That's….odd."

The young doctor shrugged his shoulders, showing discomfort at the Anderson's clouded face. David wished the man a good day and cut the connection. First Joker left Bartrand's freighter a month ago, and now Chakwas left her post for 'something better'. What was happening? Pieces were starting to move on the board and he couldn't figure out the game plan.

He inputted the number to Grissom Academy and waited for Kahlee's pick up. It took about five minutes before her face popped on the screen. She smiled at David, happy to see him.

"David! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I need a medical opinion on something." David cut through the pleasantries. Kahlee's smile faltered but nodded, sensing his confusion and urgency. He inputted some codes to encrypt the shipping manifests and sent them down their link to her terminal. "Please, look at these and tell me what these would be for."

Kahlee looked down, receiving the file and perused the lists. Her lips pursed and eyes narrowed as she read through the materials. Then, she sucked in a breath and looked hard at David. "Where did you get this?"

"A friend. What is your first thought?"

"These are things you use for severe burn victims and resuscitation. If I didn't know better, someone was trying to resurrect a person." Kahlee shook her head. "But the L5 amp? Highly unorthodox considering they are still in testing. Sirta is still working through the energy fluctuation problem even today."

"Resurrection? That is out of old scifi and horror movies." David snorted.

Kahlee shrugged. "That was my first thought, David. Nothing is impossible these days, especially with medical breakthroughs every few months. We don't live in the dark ages anymore."

"No, I guess not. Thank you, Kahlee." David sat down, his core shaken at the possibility that Cerberus could resurrect dead people. "How are you doing?"

"Well as to be expected. I miss Gillian and Mitra but my students keep me busy."

"How is that one boy?"

"Nick? He's coming along great. Once he actually got his act together, he is proving to be quite a powerful biotic and adapting quickly to the L4. He's actually tutoring other students regularly."

David nodded his head. "Sounds like everything is going well. I wish I could talk more but I bet you have things to do and I know I'm procrastinating from my meetings."

There was a pause of silence and Kahlee smiled tenderly at David. "It is good to hear from you, David. Do take care of yourself."

"I will." David returned the smile, his inside getting all warm from her smile. When the link closed, David stared at the screen for a moment, thinking about what Kahlee had told him. "If it were possible, who would Cerberus be bringing back from the dead?"

The first image that came into mind was Shepard. David shook that notion away because her body was never found, believed to have burned up in Alchera's atmosphere. But, what if….

"Nah, impossible." David groused and got up from his desk, heading out for his daily afternoon meeting with the Council.


	18. Chapter 17 Whispers

Chapter 17 – Whispers

* * *

April 2185

She would have been thirty-two today. He rubbed at his face and stared at the data pads in front of him, the lines of text and graphs, numbers, and other statistics blurring into nonsense. Kaidan sat back in his chair at the desk, and sighed deeply. He had been pouring over the years of intelligence data for months now and while a lot of things pointed to Cerberus activities, meaning to what the various manifests were for still was being elusive.

What was disturbing though, were the recent disappearances of two colonies in the Terminus Systems. These colonies left Alliance controlled space to gain freedom from the ruling government. It was dangerous and for starting colonies, protection against pirates wasn't guaranteed. Alliance ships couldn't get to the colonies that had disappeared because of the location. Kaidan thought back to before the attack on the Normandy and the one groundside mission that he, Shepard and Garrus had done on one planet. It was supposedly attacked by the geth but the absence of bodies was disturbing. Remembering the distraught look in Mira's eyes, Kaidan swallowed hard.

Damn, it has been nearly a year and half and he still couldn't shake Mira Shepard from his mind or his heart. Eventually, Kaidan had to move on but right now, acting as a special operations officer to Councilor Anderson and Admiral Hackett kept him busy. Every news story that started about seeing Shepard some place or another, or pundits crying out for blood because of Shepard's fearmongering, drove Kaidan to grinding his teeth more and more.

The door to his apartment rang and he got up to answer it. Lieutenant Commander Brian O'Neill grinned at him, his red askance despite the crisp class A uniform he wore. The man Kaidan went through OCS with managed to somehow get a cushy assignment working at the Alliance offices on the Citadel. It didn't help the man had been shot on a groundside mission, his left knee being shredded from under him. Alliance medical staff managed to replace the knee and through therapy, Brian walked. However, he had a pronounced limp now and was grounded from combat duty.

"Kai! Throw on a jacket and get out of this hole with me."

"Oh no, where are you taking me?" Kaidan stood aside as Brian limped into his apartment.

"Oh, down to Zakera, to this new bar slash club called Blackstar. There are a couple of young lovely women we are meeting."

Kaidan cringed inwardly. Brian was trying to get him on another blind date. So far, Kaidan avoided these 'dates' when duty called at the last minute. Tonight, though, Kaidan had nothing to do and Anderson or Hackett hadn't called. Of course, Kaidan knew both men were off the Citadel.

"Not again, Brian!" Kaidan groaned as the other man threw Kaidan his uniform jacket. He sighed and slipped it on, buttoning the top three buttons of his shirt before fastening the jacket closed. "Besides, this is not a good night."

Brian stopped and stared at his friend. "Come on, you say that every time I get some girl wanting to take a chance and meet the famous Commander Alenko! One of the heroes of the Citadel, blah, blah, blah. You have it made with all those commendations and medals."

Kaidan shook his head and frowned. He just wanted to spend the night and drink to Mira's birthday. "Brian, come on…"

Brian got a serious look on his face as he stared at his friend. "It's been over a year, Kai. She's gone. Shepard would want you to move on."

"It's her birthday, Bri." Kaidan whispered.

The red haired man walked up to his friend and laid a comforting hand on Kaidan's shoulder. "Kaidan, it's time to move on. All the wishing in the galaxy won't bring her back from the dead. You've mourned long enough. You are young still, handsome, and women love that broody, dark look in men. Give them a chance to be with a great man." Brian paused, catching Kaidan's eye, "Come on, one date, man. If you don't like her, you don't have to go again."

Sighing, Kaidan gave a soft laugh at his friend. "Alright, one date."

The Blackstar was different from the Flux, Kaidan noticed right at first. It was roomier and had less of the garish red lighting the Flux had. Instead, the lighting was subdued and cool, the music was fairly pleasant and not the over pretentious thumping of most club mixes. This didn't make his head throb within five minutes of stepping into the place. The turian bartender gave a friendly nod to the two men as they made their way through to a booth in the back.

Brian and Kaidan reached the booth just as two women entered and walked straight to them. The fair Lieutenant Commander greeted his date cheerfully, giving her a peck on the cheek. "Marta, this is my friend I told you about, Commander Kaidan Alenko."

Kaidan greeted Brian's date, who was petite and fair haired. She smiled widely, welcoming Kaidan warmly. The woman next to her was tall, slim, had dark red hair and bright green eyes. She had a refined, aristocratic look and walked with cool confidence. He had to admit that the woman was lovely and Kaidan found a little interest in her. He held out his hand to this taller woman, "Nice to meet you…."

"Cordelia Naismith." The woman spoke with the same refined coolness with a slight accent. She accepted Kaidan's hand, long fingers wrapping around his. "Pleased to meet you, Commander."

The party took their seats, Brian sitting next to Marta while Cordelia was at Kaidan's Kaidan's left, taking the inside of the round booth.

There was silence between Kaidan and his date. He wasn't sure what to say, how to approach the cool woman. It had been too long since he was on a date. Mira and he never had a date and all their flirting was on deck or on the battlefield. "So…what do you do, Cordelia?"

"I'm a doctor. I just recently was assigned to the Alliance medical facility here on the Citadel."

"Which field?" Kaidan asked.

"Psychology." She answered in a short answer and took a sip of her drink.

Well, Kaidan thought. He got more out of Mira when he first met her. Kaidan took a long pull on his beer and looked over to Brian, who was happily chatting away with his date. Cordelia didn't seem to be warming up to her own companion and Kaidan couldn't say that he was enjoying this 'date'. Maybe it was unfair of him to not give the woman a chance but he got the impression that the woman wanted to be here about as much as he did.

Cordelia turned to Kaidan and gave him a grim smile, moving closer to him to talk, "I'm sorry about this. I really didn't want to be on this blind date but Marta is my friend and begged me to come."

"I understand, Brian nagged me to come too."

"Truth be told, I really don't like clubs. It's too noisy."

Kaidan smiled, "I can give or take them. This one isn't as bad as the Flux. Um, would you like to take a walk then?"

The woman gave a look of relief and nodded. Kaidan slipped out of the booth and helped Cordelia out. Brian looked up as they stood up from the booth and gave a knowing smile. Kaidan rolled his eyes at his friends and followed the doctor out of the Blackstar. Zakera wasn't as busy as the Presidium and held more variety of aliens. They walked leisurely down the street, passing shops and little cafés. At one of the observation windows, Kaidan stopped and looked out. A memory of stopping at a similar spot a long time ago flashed through his mind.

"It's beautiful though the size of the Citadel makes you feel a tad insignificant." Cordelia took in the awesome sight, the lights of the other ward arms and traffic flickering in her eyes.

"It does make you realize just how big the galaxy is out there." Kaidan replied, the ghost of Shepard's gentle chiding about his flubbed comment ringing in his ears.

"You seem to be a million miles away, Commander." Cordelia stated.

"Uh, sorry. Just remembering something from a while back." Kaidan ducked his head.

"From that look, it was a woman."Cordelia turned her back on the scene and looked at Kaidan.

"A special woman." Kaidan looked out at the glittering lights of the Citadel and the nebula. "Today was her birthday."

"I'm sorry." Cordelia shifted and laid a light hand on Kaidan's arm in sympathy.

Kaidan tried not to flinch from the touch, for the last woman who touched him was Mira. "It's alright." He paused and licked his lips, "So, why come here to the Citadel?"

"I needed a change from Earth and well, I always wanted to see the stars and see what the fascination was. I didn't qualify for the navy but well, being a doctor serving with soldiers is the next best thing." Cordelia gave a light laugh.

"You sound like a former doctor I served with." Kaidan smiled. "For her, it was all about patching up the soldiers while flying through space."

"Ah, yes, Doctor Chakwas! I've read many of her reports. I would love to meet her!" Cordelia beamed.

"A fan!" Kaidan laughed. "Well, I haven't spoken with her in a few months. I really don't know where she is now. Next time I talk with her, I'll let her know she has a fan."

Cordelia laughed. "Do I sound that bad?"

Kaidan shrugged, "We all have our little things we get excited about."

With the ice seemingly broken between them, Kaidan and Cordelia started walking again and talking about many things. They shared many similar interests regarding some medical and technical things, to politics. He actually started to relax and enjoy being alive and human again. Kaidan escorted Cordelia to her apartment.

"Thank you, Commander…"

"Kaidan."

"What?" Cordelia cocked her head to the side.

"You can call me Kaidan. Commander is just for formality."

"Well, then, Kaidan, thank you for escorting me home." Cordelia held out a hand to Kaidan.

Being the gentleman he is, Kaidan took her hand and raised it to his lips, brushing the knuckles lightly, with a slight bow over them. "Thank you, for an enjoyable night."

"Maybe we can do this again."

"I'd like that." Kaidan replied and said his farewells.

When he reached his apartment, taking off the uniform jacket and shirt, Kaidan thought back on his date with the doctor. His eye caught sight of the photo of Mira sitting on his desk, a wide and open smile on her face. There was still an ache of missing her in his chest but it didn't hurt as much anymore. "Happy birthday, my love."

Kaidan headed for the bedroom and for a peaceful night's sleep.

-/*\-

Joker grunted again as the weights pressed on his legs. But he did five more reps than a week before and he was thrilled. Cerberus did a bang up job on strengthening his bones. That Miranda was still the ice queen but she did fine work. In celebration for his first walk unaided, he took his crutches to an airlock, along with Chakwas, and blew them out of the station.

The Lazarus station was top-notch and Joker, along with Chakwas, kept informed about the progress on Shepard. Joker would daily go by the lab and see the vitals monitor, to assure that she was breathing, the heart was still beating and was getting stronger. Already, the final skin weave was in its healing phase, the edges fusing together and slowly hiding the cybernetic glow under it. Every day, Shepard was looking more like who she was.

Today she is thirty-two, Joker thought. Activity on the station was starting to ramp up and it made him nervous. Suddenly, the little flights he was doing were stopped. Miranda and Wilson spent long hours in the lab working on Shepard. Miranda was always checking on the new bio amps, making sure that it wasn't surging or something. She wasn't liking being rushed and somehow, Joker thought the orders came down to start wrapping things up and revive Shepard.

He walked from the gym when he finished and went to the lab. Joker stood at the window, looking over Shepard. Even with the barely healed skin and scars, she was beautiful and soon, Shepard was going to be back to kicking galactic ass. Suddenly, Shepard's eyes shot open and the alarms on the monitors went off, beeping loudly. Joker could hear her panicked breathing and see the wide terror in her eyes.

Wilson rushed in and checked the monitors, doing something but Miranda rushed in to hold Shepard's spasming body down. Joker couldn't make out all that was being said but Miranda looked pissed. Wilson was unhappy but relented to sedating Shepard. Shepard calmed down and her eyes closed again, her chest rising and falling back to normal.

"What the hell?" Joker breathed.

A week later, Doctor Chakwas was checking Joker's progress on his legs. She smiled, pleased by the strength shown in them. "Well, they may not have cured your Vrolik's Syndrome but Cerberus has done an admirable job in getting you to walk without aid."

"Yeah, and maybe I can actually pick up a girl to take back and not have my pelvis break!" Joker snorted.

"Jeff!" Chakwas tsked the pilot.

The doors opened into the exam room and Miranda walked in. "Joker, it's time to go. Come, doctor, you too."

"What's going on?" Joker asked.

"The next step to the program. It is about time to introduce you to the next ship you will be helming."

Curious, Joker hopped off the exam table, the doctor on his rear, as they followed the cool Cerberus director. They walked down endless corridors, away from the labs and the residential suites and into more of the cargo and docking area. A low thrum was felt through the deck before Joker even saw the ship at the dock. When they rounded the corner and onto the docking deck, Joker stopped, knocking his hat back on his head, and gaped at the sight before him.

It was the Normandy, all new and shiny, sitting at the dock in front of him. There were differences, such as this ship was larger than the original. A tingle ran through Joker and his fingers started twitching. "Is she like the original?" his voice asked in a subdued tone.

"Better." Miranda said. "We made some improvements over the original which I think you will approve of, Mr. Moreau."

"Well, it better not be so different that I wouldn't know where thruster control was over the windshield wipers." Joker grumped.

Miranda looked at Joker with an indecipherable look and led the way for him and Doctor Chakwas. The docking hatch led into the ship and familiarity. Off to the left was the cockpit which had the pilot's seat and a navigation station to the right. The left side had an odd pedestal to which made Joker raise an eyebrow. Before he could ask Miranda about it, she continued down the gangway towards the large CIC. The SR2 was roomier than the old Normandy and Joker found himself grinning. He could get used to this. Miranda continued around to the side of the CIC where it led to another room instead of stairs down. Through the armory, there was a short hallway that held the COMM room. However, this comm. room was smaller, with a table taking most of the space.

At the end of the tour, which both he and the doctor were impressed with the new ship and the crew that was already working onboard, Miranda led them back to the cockpit. "Now, I saved this for last. EDI, may I introduce you to Mr. Jeff Moreau and Doctor Janet Chakwas. Mr. Moreau will be the new pilot for the SR2.

A blue globe popped up from the pedestal next to his chair. Joker cursed as the AI greeted him, "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Moreau. I am looking forward to our partnership."

"What the fuck! An AI?"

"I am a stable AI, Mr. Moreau. Have no fear that I will take over the ship or kill the crew. My primary role is electronic defense and navigation assistance. I am not here to replace your job."

"Oh, peachy." Joker grumbled.

-/*\-

"What's the progress?" Smoke drifted up from the bright end of a cigarette, as the Illusive Man sat on his 'throne' overlooking the dying star. He watched Miranda walk up to him, hips swaying and heels clicking on the floor.

"Everything is on schedule. In two more weeks, the scars will be healed and Shepard will be ready to be awakened. Joker was introduced to EDI and the SR2. He isn't too happy about the AI." Miranda's full lips turned downward in a slight frown.

"He is there to pilot the ship, not make friends with the AI, Miranda. It is important to have that link of trust with Shepard, that is more important than Mr. Moreau's fondness of EDI."

"I just don't know about him. He's arrogant, cocky, abrasive…"

"As any good pilot is." The Illusive Man half-grinned. "He didn't get to where he was by being Mr. Nice. The key thing is, Shepard trusts him and he has gotten her out of many situations that would have killed normal soldiers."

The door opened into the room, revealing a shadowed figure of a curvy woman entering, data pad in hand and walking over to the Illusive Man. She handed him the data pad and a glass of fresh whiskey. Silently, the woman turned and left. The Illusive Man looked over the data pad and frowned. "You need to return to your charge, Miranda. It seems someone has decided to move up the schedule." He looked intensely at Miranda, who swore under her breath. "Take care of Wilson."

Miranda nodded and turned to walk quickly out of the room and to a shuttle, to return to Lazarus Station. Thankfully, it wasn't far and Miranda would arrive in short time. The Illusive Man's finger tapped on the data pad in irritation at Wilson's betrayal. He worked too hard and spent too much time and money for Wilson to throw it all away.

It was ironic, in a sense, that Shepard was to be reborn exactly on the date of her birth.

-/*\-

A voice calling his name rang out in the darkness, a planet looming large in the background. A body faded, getting smaller and smaller until it wasn't seen against the dark side of the planet. Kaidan tried to reach out to her, heart hammering. "MIRA!"

He bolted upright, sheets tangled in his legs and his breathing coming fast. Kaidan's heart thundered in his chest in fear and loss. Rubbing at his face, Kaidan tried to shake off the dream. Why after all these months did this come back and so strong? He didn't even see her face, just heard her voice calling from a distance. It wasn't so much his name being called but the fear and pain that overlaid Mira's voice that wrenched at Kaidan.

Looking at the clock and groaning at the early hour, Kaidan decided to get up. His heart was still pumping too hard for him to go back to sleep. He walked out to get some coffee started but paused at Mira's picture on his desk. His fingers reached out and brushed at her face.


	19. Chapter 18 Awakenings

A/N: Thank you, Pookakitten, for beta'ng! It's good to have another pair of eyes comb over the little grammar errors I miss.

* * *

Chapter 18 – Awakenings

* * *

First there was utter cold, then fighting for breath. Next, fighting to breathe and terrified panic, with bright lights and voices heard like they were underwater. Darkness. Awareness came back as something was rocking her. Her consciousness was struggling out of warm darkness and into a cold, sterile world. The fog burned slowly away as she was rocked again and a voice was urgently calling out her name.

Oh, shit. Mira thought, as pain flared in her awakening consciousness and firing through her body. Slowly, she rose up on the cold table, rubbing at the terrible ache in her jaw. Sound came back as an explosion and gunfire could be heard. Blinking her eyes open from the gummy heavy feeling, Mira tried to focus on her surroundings.

"Shepard! Get up! We are under attack. There is a locker to your left with your armor and a pistol. Hurry and put them on!" an accented female voice urged the awakening Commander.

Mira moved her legs over the table, shaking her head gently and groaning as white pinpricks flickered in her vision. Gently, she rested her feet on the floor, pushing away the pain. Something was different; Mira immediately took note as she flexed her fingers, feeling the static charge in them immediately. Her skin tingled with unspent power but more than that, there was a little buzzing in the back of her head that Mira never had before. Another explosion rocked Mira off balance and she stumbled over to the locker. The disembodied voice over the stations speaker urged her and told her where to find things.

As she opened the locker, Mira noted a new set of N7 class Onyx armor. It looked like her old one but there were changes. She didn't get into the details and immediately slipped into it, buckled the plates on and grabbed the pistol. There wasn't time to think; only act. There was a battle raging and Mira needed to fight and escape this place.

Immediately after leaving the infirmary, Mira ducked behind a crate in what looked like a small recreation room, as a mech fired on her. Instinctively, Mira called up the gesture for a throw and let loose the dark energy. The force of the power startled her as the mech flew backwards and shattered. Looking down at her blue-rimmed hand, Mira blinked as she felt the power at the ready for her use, silently bubbling and coursing under her skin.

Jumping over the crate, pistol in hand, Mira made her way up the stairs and to the next room which looked to be an office. Spotting the attacking mechs, Mira dashed and slid to cover behind a partition. She swallowed down a nagging bit of panic and pain, remaining in her cool, collected combat mode. The mechs were clustered at the door and coming out from a side room. Mira checked over the partition to assess the best tactic to use against them. Mira brought out a closed fist and pounded down with it, releasing a staccato of biotic bursts down the room to the clustered mechs. It broke them apart but a couple still moved toward her, sparking and dangling useless limbs. Mira raised her pistol up and placed one shot through each mech's head.

"Take the lift down and go through the door, Shepard." The voice guided Mira through the next area.

After the next group of mechs, Mira looked at the gas line rupture that spewed flames in her way. Taking a deep steadying breath, she pondered how to get through this. A new small fear of fire made a part of her balk. Mira tuned out the nagging voice that was urging her to hurry. Taking a few steps back, Mira mentally tuned the nodes in her to form a barrier. The ease and quickness with which it happened made Mira pause. Can't think about that now, Shepard, she told herself. Exhaling, Mira sprinted through the spewing flames and out into the corridor beyond.

Her heart was pumping as she caught her breath from the sprint. However, there was no rest for the wicked, as more gunfire was heard coming beyond the door in front of her. Grasping her pistol harder and having the biotic energy at ready, Mira headed through the door. The scene was of a dark man crouched behind the railing and standing up to fire and pull mechs to him to hit. As the last mech was taken care of, he turned and spotted her.

"You're up, Shepard!"

"It seems so." Mira stated wryly. "What's going on?"

"The security mechs are overrunning the place. Someone hacked into them and turned them against us. I guess Miranda had to wake you up early." The man paused. "I'm Jacob, by the way."

"Miranda? She's the one on the intercom?" Mira asked.

"Yeah, she's trapped somewhere by the shuttle bays."

"From what I heard, it didn't sound good. I lost contact with her before arriving here."

"Then we need…" Before Jacob could finish, more mechs arrived making both soldiers duck for cover and finish off the wave of new arrivals.

For the next hour, Mira and Jacob fought the hacked mechs, rescued Wilson, the medical tech that Mira vaguely remembered from a hazy recollection, and reached the shuttle dock. Even after the intensive fighting and running, Mira's biotics still hummed strong in her, ready to be released. She didn't have the usual exhaustion that followed extensive combat with biotics.

"Miranda isn't here." Wilson panted as they approached the door to the dock. "Come on, the shuttle is in there."

"But…" Mira started but the door opened, showing a female figure in a tight white and black catsuit. She looked at Wilson with disgust, raised up her pistol and fired at his head at point blank range. Mira's eyes widened and she turned to Miranda. "Was that necessary?"

"Yes." The woman responded coldly. "He betrayed us and I'm only doing what I was told."

Jacob even looked a little green at Miranda's cold callousness, averting his gaze from the woman's. Mira took note of that interaction and filed it away. "Come on, we need to go. My boss wants to see you, Shepard."

"What about the others?" Mira asked.

"If they haven't already escaped on the other shuttles then they are beyond our help. Now, we don't have any time to waste."

Mira followed the Cerberus woman, still wary about these Cerberus people. Jacob had briefed her quickly who they were and they were responsible for her 'resurrection'. That was something she couldn't wrap her mind around. She was dead and now, she was alive and fighting mechs. They boarded the sparse shuttle and took their seats. Mira took the opposite side from Miranda and Jacob. The Cerberus woman spoke with the pilot to launch and settled herself on the bench. The lurch of launching and leaving artificial gravity settled in Mira's stomach. The silence didn't last as Miranda started to speak.

"We need to establish that all your memories are intact, Shepard."

"Miranda, can't this wait?" Jacob pleaded with the woman.

"We need to know that Shepard is who she was and that nothing has changed. It's been two years, Jacob, every memory and personality trait that made Shepard who she is has to be intact." Miranda answered. She turned back to Mira, looking at her like a science test. "Commander, after the attack on the Citadel, humanity was offered a seat on the Council. Who did you choose?"

"Captain Anderson. He was the best choice for humanity." Mira replied, a bit shaken and numb with all that was happening.

"He is now Councilor Anderson. He easily won the election with your recommendation. However, he lost a lot of political clout after your death."

Mira frowned slightly, still not quite grasping that it has been two years. For her, the attack on the _Normandy_ was yesterday. So much has changed without her being aware of it. How was Joker? What was Doctor Chakwas doing? And Kaidan…how was he surviving? Her hand absently went to her chest, searching for tags that were no longer hanging around her neck. Mira felt naked without them and a sense of loss that a piece of Kaidan was not there resting between her breasts.

"Now, on Virmire, you had to choose between two of your crewmembers to leave behind." Miranda plowed on. "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams was left behind."

"It wasn't an easy decision. Ashley was my friend!" Mira scowled at Miranda, her jaw setting hard. "Ashley chose to stay to save the _Normandy_. By remaining behind, she made sure the bomb went off without interference from Saren and the geth."

"I'm not questioning your decision, Commander." Miranda replied back, showing a little bit of warmth toward the other woman. "This is to determine that your memories are all intact."

"Enough, Miranda, apparently they are all there and I can attest to her combat skill." Jacob said in irritation.

Mira turned her gaze away to look out the viewport, already lost in her own thoughts. Whatever Jacob and Miranda said next, she didn't pay attention to it. Memories were all she had now. Everything and everyone she knew has moved on without her and she was stuck in the past. Why was she brought back? Shortly after she uttered the question, Mira knew why. The Reapers.

Once the adrenaline subsided, the pain of her body asserted itself. Mira set her jaw against the throbbing running the length of her body. The faint glow of the cybernetic skin weave showed through the reflection of the viewport. Mira turned her head more to see the tracing of the unhealed parts of her face. Obviously, she was woken early and Miranda's masterpiece was unfinished.

Mira was alone, in unfamiliar territory and with a group she fought against in the past. She didn't trust them but had to go along for now and see why she was brought back to life and why her.

-/*\-

"You let the news leak out in the Admiralty?" the Illusive Man spoke to an Alliance officer stationed on the Citadel over the comm link.

"Yes, even made sure Councilor Anderson got the word. It won't be long before the false trails of Shepard's resurrection are released to the media."

"Good. I want them to know that we have her and she is working for us."

"Even though she would never work for you."

"Semantics. I have resources she needs against her fight against the Reapers. Her morals will not allow her to pass that up because of some vengeance factor against our group."

"I hope you know what you are doing with Shepard. A lot of the Alliance brass have tremendous respect for her and grieved for her death." The Alliance officer told the Illusive Man.

"Don't you worry about Shepard and my plans. " The Illusive Man said in warning to his contact. "I'll handle her. You just take care of word getting out of her being alive." He cut the transmission and took a long drag on his cigarette. The roiling mass of gasses of the dying sun filled the viewport of the station he called home.

Another call was coming in and he smiled as it was from Miranda. Shepard was there and was waiting for connection with the holographic communications. He punched the accept button and turned the chair around just as the shimmering of the holographic circle lighted to life. The image of Commander Shepard stood before him.

She was tall, lithe and athletic, with enough feminine curves to make her dangerously alluring. The Illusive Man approved. He liked strong women. The fine features of her face, with defined high cheekbones and generous mouth wasn't detracted by the scarring. The clear blue eyes however, shone through at him with a coldness that almost made him shudder. They went between blue and gray, like storm clouds. Oh, Shepard wasn't in a pleasant mood and the defensive and hostile stance proved that to him.

"Welcome back, Shepard." The Illusive Man greeted the formidable woman before him.

-/*\-

David rubbed at his temple after another confrontational meeting with Udina. The man was insufferable and he wanted to space the man himself. Ah, to be back on a ship again. He had kept his word and remained in constant contact with Kahlee. Any bit of information he uncovered regarding Cerberus and the large amounts of money and materials being sent to some unknown location, she helped decipher what they were. If Cerberus did find a way to resurrect a human being, the only logical conclusion to who they would bring back would be Shepard. While the Alliance and the Council regarded the Reaper threat as inconsequential and was ignored, he still believed in Shepard and the cause. Even Cerberus believed the threat was real but they took another road that led to rather ambiguous morals regarding humanity's best interest.

"Councilor, you have something that needs your attention coming through the mail." His secretary buzzed him.

"Thank you, Liala." David flipped on his terminal and opened the email. A simple email with an unknown sender. The subject line was simply 'Shepard.' He opened it and read the single line there. 'She's alive.'

He opened the attachment next, immediately noting the Cerberus logo on the camera still shot. It was grainy but the shot of Mira crouched down, pistol at ready, looked out at David. A lump formed in his throat as he read the timestamp on the footage. It was from a week ago.

"What the hell are you doing with Cerberus, Mira?" David whispered.

-/*\-

Events were happening quickly now with the attack on Lazarus station and now, Joker was rushing the SR-2 out of dock before the other shuttles with orders to take the ship to another station. He was leaving Shepard again but somehow, it was temporary. Joker overheard some of the radio chatter on the station and gathered that Miranda had to wake Shepard up early. A smile couldn't stop from spreading on his face. His commanding officer was awake and alive, and soon, he was going to be flying her around space again looking for some assess to kick.

Now, he hopped a little, waiting for her to finish talking with the Illusive Man. He hated the guy but he was giving him a ship to fly and brought Shepard back from the dead. So they use Cerberus's funds and intel for a little while to fight against a galactic threat. Who else was doing that? The Alliance lost their poster girl hero and locked the files on the Reapers and the Council… Joker snorted. The Council denounced Shepard's story about Reapers and their return. Shepard was now a liability to them.

Looking up, Joker saw the holographic ring disappear. "Welcome back, Commander." He said, smiling hugely as Shepard turned around, eyes wide in shock. Hearing her laugh was music to Joker's ears.

"The best pilot in the galaxy, how could I guess?" she walked up to him and stopped short, looking at Joker hard, scrutinizing his upright posture, or about as upright as he could get.

His grin just got wider, "It's nice to stand without help before you, Commander." Tears started to threaten in his eyes but the pilot blinked them back. He was shocked when Shepard wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. Feeling a little awkward and yet pleased, Joker returned it clumsily. His own heart sped up at her closeness to him. Clearing his throat, he gently moved away, looking down at the floor. "Got another surprise for you, Shepard."

They walked up the ramp back to the main lobby. "How is it that you are here, Joker?" Shepard asked the question.

"Everything fell apart after you were gone. The Alliance reassigned everyone and well, they grounded me. They tore apart everything you built!" Joker's jaw clenched with suppressed anger. "The Council denied the existence of the Reapers and claimed Saren was leading the geth. They said he was crazy. Then Cerberus came along, offered me a proposition to fly again." He looked up to see Shepard's blue eyes looking at him.

"Do you trust them?" she asked.

He snorted. "I don't trust anyone that makes more than I do."

Shepard chuckled, "Typical Joker." There was a moment of silence and then she asked a question he wished he didn't have to answer. "How's Kaidan?" This was said quietly, so Miranda couldn't overhear her.

Joker kept his voice low and shook his head slightly. "I guess fine. I don't know. I lost contact with everyone a few months after your funeral, except for the doctor."

"Chakwas?"

"Yeah, you'll see." As if on cue, the lights shone in the dark hangar out the viewport and the sleek form of the SR-2 glided into view. Shepard's eyes widened as she took in the familiar lines of the Normandy, though with Cerberus colors. "Yeah, I had the same expression too when I first saw her."

"How…" she started but couldn't finish.

"She's the big sister to the original. Don't ask me how they got a hold of the plans, I don't know. But…we have our baby back!" Joker grinned. "Now, all she needs is a name."

"There is only one name that suits."

"I know but I wanted to leave that privilege to you, Commander." Joker grinned crookedly at Shepard and motioned for her to follow him. They went through the doors leading to the docking hangar and the docking hatch of the _Normandy SR-2_. Already painting crews were on the ship, setting the name and registry on the ship. Jacob greeted them at the entrance.

"Welcome aboard, Commander!" the man gave a sharp regulation salute to her, which Joker had to laugh inside at. Technically, neither of them were Alliance anymore but Jacob still used military protocol.

"When do we leave?" she asked.

"We have clearance to leave in an hour." Jacob replied. "Miranda is doing some last minute preparations now."

Shepard nodded but Joker noticed she looked a little pale and grew concerned. "Shepard?" he whispered at her side.

"Joker…is there…" her hands shook, which was strange to see as Shepard always was one that kept everything in control. Without another word, Joker took her elbow, waving Jacob away, and helped Shepard off the _Normandy_ and to a little storage bay. He helped her sit down on one of the crates, and waited, not sure what to do. She hung her head and took a couple of deep steadying breaths.

"Are you okay?"

Shepard looked up at him, the glowing lines of the unhealed grafting shining but her eyes spoke volumes to the pilot. "I don't know. It's all too much, too soon. I…" her mouth opened as if to say more and then shut. "Thank you, Joker, for helping me out of there."

"I figured you didn't want Mr. Perfect to see you getting weak." Joker carefully kneeled down at Shepard's side. They were both around the same age, Shepard only a year older but right now, she looked like she did two years back and he was the older one. Joker rested a hand on Shepard's knee, patting it gently. "Look, you have Joker and Dr. Chakwas at your side again. You aren't alone."

She gave him one of her crooked half smiles that had so endeared Shepard to him. "Thanks. I'm feeling a bit…lost, right now."

"I would too if I was brought back to life, surrounded by strangers and fighting for your life." Joker tried his winning grin on her, which worked to make Shepard smile freely. He liked the smile on her, rarely seeing it when they pursued Saren.

Shepard shook her head slightly and then reached out to pull the brim of his cap down on his head gently. Yup, that was Shepard. She always did that as her own little show of appreciation and affection towards him. She took another deep breath and straightened, sliding the Commander mask back over the shaken woman underneath. "Alright, time to get the show on the road."

She rose, taking a hand to help him up from his position. Joker lost his balance a little and wound up leaning more on Shepard, his hands resting on her waist. "Sorry." He apologized as he looked at her and quickly removed his hands.

"That's what friends are for, Jeff." Shepard said gently, and took the lead back to the Normandy's entrance.

He was thankful that she went ahead, as his face was flushed from the close proximity to Shepard. Though he had seen her at the worst, Shepard was still Shepard, and he still had a crush on his commanding officer.


	20. Chapter 19 One Battle After Another

Chapter 19 – One Battle After Another

* * *

Kaidan stood outside the door to Anderson's office and waited to be called in. He was told that Anderson was in a meeting with the Council but the Councilor was aware he was there. Still, waiting on politics chafed with Kaidan. Ashley had said "and that is why I hate politics.' on their first trip to the Citadel. Mira agreed with the sentiment immediately but had to keep her opinion quiet. Kaidan sighed softly at the fond memory and looked up as the door opened and Udina stormed out without looking up to see him standing there.

With a raised eyebrow, Kaidan entered Anderson's office, watching the older man try to calm down but the tell-tale sign of grinding teeth was noticeable to Kaidan's keen perception. "You really need to do something with him, sir."

"I wish I could punch him out again." Anderson chuckled and motioned for Kaidan to grab a seat across from his desk.

"Have you got an assignment for me?" Kaidan asked, and in part was wishing that there was an assignment off the Citadel. He was starting to get a little antsy for the feel of a moving deck under his feet again.

"In part, yes, a special assignment. Have you been listening to the news and watching the vids these past few weeks?"

"Some but once something comes up regarding Shepard and the slandering of her name and memory, I turn it off."

"You should pay closer attention to some of it. Some of it is false leads and rumors but the news has some hint of truth to it."

Kaidan narrowed his eyes at the Councilor, not sure what the man was getting at. "Are you saying that some of this trash about Shepard being alive and running around the galaxy is true?" His words came out a little clipped and Kaidan instantly regretted the tone it took.

"I have some intelligence into some Cerberus activities that say, yes, Shepard is alive. Remember those reports we scrutinized over a few months back?"

"The shipping manifests?" Kaidan asked.

"Yes. My sources say those supplies were high-tech equipment and materials for medical rejuvenation and resuscitation."

"What?" Kaidan leaned forward, his eyes open in shock. "And just who is Cerberus experimenting on this time?"

"Not experimenting, reviving. I know, I know, it is unbelievable and something out of horror novels or bad science fiction but our medical technology is close to doing miraculous things these days." Anderson leaned on his desk, hands steepled before him and tapping gently on his chin.

"No." Kaidan shook his head, refusing to believe that Cerberus would try anything of the sort with Shepard. They would need a body….but they never could find the body. His jaw set in a hard line, refusing to believe the grief over Shepard was for nothing if she was somehow alive. "No, even they wouldn't do that."

"I don't know any details, just what my gut is telling me and from what I've seen as proof positive. I do, however, need you to go to one our outlying colonies and check up about the disappearances that have been going on lately. I suspect Cerberus may be behind the abductions but even that is stretching the imagination for me."

"It wouldn't be like them to abduct colonies, sir. Too many people and too much manpower to do it. From the reports, those colonies were untouched by violence."

"But they have been smaller colonies. Still, Freedom's Progress has been the latest colony hit and common sense is suggesting that these abductions are going with those worlds settled by humans on the fringe of Terminus space. Admiral Hackett has requisitioned a defensive battery for Horizon and your orders are to go and install the GARDIAN laser system on the colony."

"Do you think the colonists on Horizon are going to buy that story?" Kaidan asked.

"Probably not but we have to take care of our people, even if they are out of Alliance jurisdiction. Use this as an outreach to them in order to better our relations with the colonists."

"But keep my ear to the ground about any Cerberus activities…"

"And Shepard." Anderson added.

Kaidan's face clouded at that last part. He was being asked to check on the legitimacy of Mira being alive.

"I know about your closeness with Shepard, Kaidan. I wouldn't ask this of any other Alliance officer."

"Then why are you asking me to do this, Councilor?"

Anderson's face dropped a little, eyes closing for a moment. When he looked back up at Kaidan, it was as closed as Kaidan ever seen it during the time he served with the man. His stomach fluttered a little in warning, just as it did before Eden Prime. "Just find out what you can, Kaidan."

Stonewalled. Kaidan couldn't believe that he was being stonewalled by Anderson. Getting stiffly up from the chair, Kaidan nodded. His mouth was set in a grim line. "I will do what I can, Councilor, and report back anything I find out."

"Dismissed, Commander." Anderson said gruffly.

-/*\-

"It's done." David said to Admiral Steven Hackett. "I hate having to send him out there to see if can confirm Shepard is with Cerberus."

The Admiral sighed deeply, "She's N7 trained. You know she wouldn't be willingly working for Cerberus. If there was something she needed and they had, Shepard would take advantage of it."

"I know and trust me, if I had no support and the devil offered me a hand, I would take it too, however, temporary. Very temporary."

"So, this Cerberus mole you have is reliable?" Hackett asked David.

"Yes. He was in the Lazarus cell but part of the maintainance area, so he never really got access to the bio wing of the station. Damn, Steven, she is alone in a den of wolves!"

"Shepard is strong." Hackett reassured his friend.

"But how strong? We don't know what this resurrection has done to her psyche. I don't think I would be all right in finding out I spent two years dead and now I'm Dr. Frankenstein's monster."

"We don't know everything that has happened!" Steven said a little forcefully. "We can't support her outright because the Alliance has shut the door on her and her former team. However, we can send little assignments to Shepard, so she has some sense of ties with her former life." The older man crooked a smile, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Her Alliance email is still active."

"What are you getting at, Steven?" David looked at the sly Alliance Admiral of 5th Fleet.

"I'm sure Cerberus will be keeping a close eye on their investment but the Alliance email network is specially encrypted that she could receive emails from those of us who wish to contact her."

"What about her contacting us?" David looked on with worry.

"I don't know, to be honest. I would assume that outgoing messages will not be happening."

"Then let's hope that Shepard gets our little messages and it helps her."

"Well, if she truly is up and about, then I will send her a message to come see me." David went around to his desk and the terminal there. The picture of Kaidan flickered on, along with Mira, at their award ceremony after the battle of the Citadel. "I really hated having to stonewall Kaidan."

"It's better this way." Hackett replied dryly.

"I don't think so, Steven." David chewed at his lower lip. "God, this office has gotten to me!"

-/*\-

After the third meeting with the Illusive Man and his perpetual sneer on his face, Mira needed a shower. The man, she swore, seem to leer at her and it made her skin crawl. She sighed in relief as she reached her cabin. It was by itself on the topmost deck of the _Normandy_, one wall dominated by an aquarium. She never had an aquarium before and was a bit unsure if she wanted to fill the tank with fish. The desk area was nice, with little touches to make her feel at home. It was a bit disturbing that all this was for her, to make her feel at home, in a Cerberus owned ship.

But since the launch of the _Normandy SR-2_, it had been straight to Omega to do the first round of recruiting. Mira didn't have much time to personally unwind since waking up on Lazarus Station. Sleep between shifts was fitful and the constant buzzing from her new implants filled her head. The fresh coffee provided by Gardner was the one saving grace in his galley, compared to the barely edible rations he tried to make meals out of. He had asked if she would keep a look out for some better provisions, should they make it to the Citadel.

Kelly kept reminding her that she had unread messages but Mira never had time or opportunity to check, until she got back from the latest recruitment of a mercenary, Zaeed Masani. The terminal on her desk flicked on promptly and her inbox flashed. What was odd was that it was her Alliance inbox. The first message that came to her attention was from Anderson. Mira immediately opened it and read it. He knows I'm alive! She smiled and then it dimmed. Anderson knows, how?

"The Illusive Man," Mira whispered. "That bastard!"

If they made their way to the Citadel immediately, it would take three days to get there. Mira chewed at her lower lip in thought. It would be good to talk to her old mentor and friend. She needed a connection from the past right now. While having Joker and the doctor was nice, Mira needed to know that the Alliance was there, and most of all, Anderson and even Hackett, were there to turn to. Mira flipped the terminal off and went to get her shower.

"Hey, Commander!" Joker greeted cheerfully as Mira approached the pilot.

"Joker, set a course for the Citadel." Mira told him.

"Um, sure." He hesitated.

Mira looked at him intently, "What's wrong?"

"Is this wise? I mean, the Council and Alliance will not be so welcoming to see a Cerberus ship coming to dock."

"Then we don't dock at the Presidium. There are other wards we can go to, that won't immediately flag us."

"The _Normandy_ is sort of hard to miss, Commander. The news will spread back to the Tower before we even clear customs."

"Well, I have a feeling that we will be able to dock." Mira looked out the viewport in the cockpit. "I got a message from an old friend to come drop by."

"Anderson." Joker said and turned his chair back to the console, hands inputting the coordinates for the Citadel. The blue orb of EDI remained silent, which Mira was thankful. Despite being an AI, shackled as she was, EDI had proved helpful in their mission so far. Mira walked around to the right side of Joker's chair and laid a light hand on his shoulder, giving a little squeeze.

"Thank you, Jeff." She told him quietly.

"Don't think anything of it, Shepard. Anderson is okay and if he wants to talk, then we better go pay him a visit. Besides, I owe him more than one favor for…" Joker trailed off into silence.

"For what?" Mira looked down at the pilot and her friend.

"Let's say I am not proud of my actions after you died. Anderson bailed me out a few times and sent me on my merry way. So, are we done with Omega? We got that crazy salarian, the grumpy merc and well, Garrus is back."

Mira chuckled. "Who would have thought Garrus would be a vigilante? It is good to have him back onboard. I bet the Illusive Man didn't see that one coming, as much as he is trying to keep me from reconnecting to my old crew."

"It isn't his intention to isolate you, Commander." EDI quipped.

"I think it is!" Joker snapped at the AI and turned his gaze back on Mira. "Seriously, except for the doctor and me, who you need, it is bullshit that he won't let you recruit the others and even blocked you from contacting them!"

Mira blinked. "He what?"

"Have you checked your emails? Obviously, as you got the message from Anderson. Now, have you tried to send anything back?"

"Today was the first time I looked into the email, Joker. So, you are saying I can receive stuff from my Alliance mail but not send mail out?"

"Bingo." Joker grumbled.

"It is to keep you focused on the mission at hand. The Illusive Man doesn't want you distracted by old ties." EDI said in a pragmatic and unemotional way.

Mira's felt the rising heat of anger. "EDI, if the Illusive Man knew anything about me and my abilities, then he would realize that I can handle my own personal affairs apart from my duty."

The blue orb remained silent. Joker shook his head and looked back to Mira. "I'm sorry."

"I am going to assume Miranda knows the email. Part of Cerberus' attempt to control me so I accomplish their goals." Mira gritted her teeth, keeping her anger under control. Still, the hard edge to her voice was noticeable. "Joker, get us to the Citadel, pronto. At least, while there, we can pick up a couple of things."

"Aye-aye, Commander."

Mira stormed down the length of the CIC toward the elevator. As she was about to call the elevator, the doors opened and Miranda stood there in the car, a data pad in hand. Mira fixed her with a steely gaze and stepped in, putting a hand up for Miranda to remain. When the doors closed, Mira hit the stop button, halting the elevator's progress.

"Commander?" Miranda raised an eyebrow in query.

"Just what sort of surveillance do you have on me?" Cold anger edged Mira's voice, while her face was a neutral mask and her body didn't betray what she was feeling.

"The_ Normandy _has cameras in all sensitive areas. Of course, there is one at your quarters." Miranda pursed her lips, tilting her chin up a little in defiance.

"Anything else?" Mira asked steadily, giving the other woman a chance to confess about her email access or other things that regarded about keeping Shepard under watch.

"There are some…access blocks on your terminal. We felt it was best to limit your access so you remain focused on the mission. Personal…."

"Personal communications are just that, Miranda, personal. Never once, in my career have I let my personal life interfere with duty! It doesn't affect my judgment."

"Except on VIrmire." Miranda said smoothly.

Mira's body lit up with blue fire as she took a threatening step toward the Cerberus officer. "That is not for you to judge, Ms. Lawson." Mira said quietly, her eyes boring intensely into Miranda's. "Now, I would suggest you lose the cameras on my quarters, so I can have SOME privacy without eyes boring into my back. For the extranet…"

"I don't control that, Commander." Miranda's face grimaced a little.

The fire died around Mira as she stepped away and shook her head, sighing deeply. "I can't have my every move monitored. If we are to work together and any trust is to be gained between us, Miranda, meet me halfway in some things." Mira was feeling very tired and a dull ache was starting to form behind her eyes.

The other woman dipped her head slowly, "Okay, Shepard." Miranda paused and narrowed her eyes, "I guess I underestimated you."

"Years of reading my file and documents on my career do not show the person I truly am, Miranda. Get rid of any assumptions you may have about me because I can tell you they are wrong." Mira hit the start button and the car quietly ascended to her cabin. She stepped off the deck and went into her cabin.

-/*\-

A week prior to Horizon…

As Kaidan packed up his duffel for the trip to Horizon, he contemplated how well the colonists are going to accept the defense laser. At least he was getting away from the Citadel and the incessant talk about Shepard sightings. It was hard to believe she could be alive! Where has she been, why didn't she drop a line to him? If the rumors were true, Mira would have contacted him. But as there were no messages waiting from her, Kaidan had to believe that Shepard was truly dead. If she were alive, what would be his reaction? Joy, definitely and then heartache. Kaidan just didn't know.

The chain with the dog tags clanked as they settled back on his chest, as he straightened up from packing. Looking down, Kaidan saw St. Valentine resting on top of Mira's tag. He couldn't bring himself yet to take them off the chain. Grabbing a shirt, Kaidan pulled it over his head, hiding the piece of Shepard of he had left.

Picking up the duffel and slinging it over his shoulder, Kaidan headed out of his apartment, pausing to look around his 'home.' The space suited for when he was on the Citadel but except for Mira's photo on his desk, it lacked any other personal touches. Kaidan turned toward the door and walked through.

C-Sec Academy was busy as Kaidan arrived to head toward the Alliance docks. Seeing more human faces among the C-Sec security forces was good. After the Battle with Sovereign, the Citadel security forces lost a lot of its people. When Anderson was confirmed as Councilor, he volunteered humans to supplement the alien ranks. So much sacrifice, Kaidan thought, for humanity to get the recognition they did after the Battle of the Citadel.

"Commander Alenko!" an insistent voice called out and waved to him. When Kaidan saw that Westerlund reporter, he groaned. He tried to ditch her among the crowd but she rapidly closed in on him, along with her camera bot.

"Ms. Jilani," Kaidan gave a polite nod, his face a neutral mask.

"Commander, I'm glad to have caught up with you. I am writing an article about the Battle of the Citadel and the human casualties. I have been trying to locate survivors and get their take on the battle."

"I thought you had done a piece already after the Battle, didn't you?" Kaidan asked.

"Yes, yes, but this is a perspective piece two years after the battle. You served on the _SSV Cairo_, did you not?" the reporter tapped at her data pad, the camera bot's light coming on, making Kaidan blink.

"Yes, it was my first ship assignment." Kaidan responded in a guarded tone.

"The _Cairo_ was one of the ships on the front line at the Battle of the Citadel. It sacrificed itself in that battle, many human lives lost for the defense of the Citadel." Jilani weaseled head long into her insinuations.

"The _Cairo_ was an exemplary ship, Ms. Jilani. I've never known a better captain, next to Councilor Anderson, that could have managed to fight for so long in that battle." Kaidan clenched his jaw, his voice remaining even and calm, though decidedly cooler.

"Then you were transferred to the _Normandy_, under Captain Anderson. If you had such a good career going on the _Cairo_, why were you picked for the _Normandy_ crew?"

"Maybe you should interview Councilor Anderson and ask. I don't question orders, ma'am." Kaidan was starting to lose his cool composure as the irritating journalist was poking at his service record.

Khahlisa al-Jilani waved a hand and plowed on. "And you have an exemplary record aboard the _Normandy_, with a couple of commendations by Commander Shepard. She had even put you forth for a promotion before the _Normandy's_ destruction. Rumors were that you two were….quite close."

Kaidan clenched his fist, trying to calm the anger that was starting to rise up in him, causing a little flicker of dark energy around his hand. "That is none of your business….if rumors had any shred of truth to them."

"Speaking of rumors, did you hear that Shepard may be alive?" Jilani tilted her head at Kaidan.

Working his jaw, keeping his temper in check, Kaidan shook his head and turned away before he did something that would get him arrested for assault. He took long strides to the elevator leading to the Alliance dock where his ride was waiting. Thankfully, he was the only one during the ride up the tower. That damn reporter brought up memories he had spent two years coming to terms with. His thoughts turned to the battle and Sovereign, nearly losing Shepard then, and the loss of many friends from the _Cairo_.

The elevator opened up onto the dock where the frigate taking him to Horizon was docked. Kaidan set his mask in place and went to board.

* * *

At the time that the _Normandy_ is heading to the Citadel…

Stepping back from the laser, Kaidan wiped his forehead from the dripping sweat. He blinked his eyes to focus them back to normal after staring at the haptic interface for so long. The colonists grudgingly accepted him and for the work he did do when not working on the targeting system of the laser. Lilith was the most polite and friendly one of the group and was elected to be the liaison for the colony. "Damn it, why aren't you not setting?" Kaidan muttered. He had run over thousands of lines of code and couldn't find the mistake that was keeping the turret from aligning properly.

"I don't think cursing it is going to make it magically fall inline." Lilith chuckled as she walked over to him, holding out a cup of coffee. Kaidan thanked her gratefully and took a swig of the black beverage.

"Maybe not but I am getting tired of yelling at myself in my head." Kaidan gave a sheepish grin and drank more of the coffee.

"Take a break and then come back to it. Sometimes, things come to you when you step away from a problem for a while." Lilith offered.

"You are probably right. I don't want to give others the impression that I'm not doing anything to fix the problem though."

"Do you care what they think?"

Kaidan tilted his head to the side and then shook it, "Not really. I'm here to do my assignment and make sure that this colony is protected."

"Not everyone here on Horizon is dead set against Alliance help, Commander. We know that there are dangers being out in the Terminus but we have been lucky that the slavers and raiders have taken little notice of our little backwater world." Lilith smiled.

"Let's hope it stays that way." Kaidan did hope but his instincts were flashing red back in his mind that something was going to happen here.

-/*\-

The Normandy was approaching the last relay to take them to Citadel space when the boards lit up with an incoming call. Joker looked over his shoulder to see Mira standing there. She nodded and he punched the accept button. The only person who ever called the Normandy was the Illusive Man and Mira exhaled slowly to dissipate any lingering anger. Talking to the man was a trial in patience and Mira found her patience was rather thin since her awakening. The lack of proper sleep might also be contributing to it but Mira rolled her shoulders, her Commander mask in place as she headed to the communications room.

When she stepped forward to the table, it sank into the deck and brought up the holographic display of the head of Cerberus, sitting in his chair, blowing smoke from the darkened room. The only light was the dying sun behind him and the eerie glow from his cybernetic eyes.

He didn't waste any time. "Shepard, I think we have them. Horizon, one of our colonies in the Terminus Systems just went silent. If it isn't under attack, it soon will be." The inflection of anger was in his voice, Shepard noticed, despite his deadpan features. "Has Mordin delivered the countermeasure for the Seeker swarms?"

"Not yet." She replied truthfully.

"Let's hope he works well under pressure. There's something else you should know," the Illusive Man paused dramatically, taking a pull off his cigarette before continuing. "One of your former crew, Kaidan Alenko, is stationed on Horizon."

_Kaidan._ Mira's heart panged briefly. "Last thing I knew, Kaidan was Alliance. Why is he in the Terminus Systems?"

"Officially, it's an outreach program to improve relations between the Alliance and outlying colonies. But they're up to something and if they sent Alenko, it must be big. Perhaps you should take it up with him." The last remark was a hit on Mira's personal relationship with Kaidan.

"Send the coordinates. We'll head straight there." Mira said without emotion showing. _Kaidan is in danger!_

"This is the most warning we've had, Shepard. Good luck."

The connection was cut and the lights brightened in the comm room. Mira stepped out from the middle of the room and left, taking long strides to the cockpit. Joker's hands were already flying across the navigation panel.

"Course is set, Commander." Joker told her as soon as she arrived.

"Then get us there quickly." She clasped her hands behind her back and watched the stars start their slow streak as the Normandy entered hyperspace toward Horizon.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks again for my beta for helping me see the errors that only another pair of eyes can spot! :D Sorry for this being delayed but life has taken its nasty little toll lately. Plus, had been playing DA2 when I'm not so dang tired from pulling overtime at work.**


	21. Chapter 20 Can't Breathe

Chapter 20 – Can't Breathe

A/N: Okay, the dreaded Horizon confrontation but….here is my version. Still some anger and trust issues in there but not horrendous.

Kaidan spotted the dark mass flying down on the colony and used the scope to check it out. His gut instinct told warned him of danger and immediately yelled at Lilith to get the people into shelter. Raising his rifle again, Kaidan fired off a couple of bursts at the fast approaching swarm to little effect. The droning was filling the air as he ran backward trying to swat away the oversized insects. All around him the bugs were stabbing at the colonists, paralyzing them. He managed to swat at one that just landed on his neck and squashed it with disgust.

The lone Alliance officer and trained soldier ran like hell to the laser turret bunker, to see if he could finally smash the thing in to work. The sky was turning to fire as a ship was entering atmosphere. When he reached the bunker, the blast doors were closed and already locked from inside. "Shit!" Kaidan swore and watched from cover of a pile of crates as the superheated clouds dissipated around the ship and revealed something he hadn't seen in over two years.

"Well, it isn't Cerberus." He muttered as the ship that destroyed the Normandy landed on Horizon. The colonists that were fleeing were now standing frozen in stasis made Kaidan's stomach churn with dread. He didn't need to be caught up by those things and become helpless. Dashing from the cover, Kaidan erected his biotic barrier and went to the spaceport. The communications tower was there and the building that housed the terminals lay on the far side. A message needed to be sent, even if it was an old S.O.S.

A swarm zoomed around a corner and tried to tag Kaidan but he threw them away from him as he pumped his legs as fast they would take him. His target was in sight and as he skidded to the door of the building, Kaidan saw the first wave of aliens landing on the ground, carrying some pods. He didn't wait to see what they did with those things as he sealed the door to the building and locked himself in. Resting his forehead against the door, Kaidan took a deep breath. This was a time he wished Shepard was here with him.

-/*\-

They almost arrived too late as their shuttle touched down and they exited. Mira nodded to Garrus and Grunt to flank her. Raising her heavy pistol, she surveyed the surroundings. The colony was idyllic with harvest gold fields and rather pleasant temperatures. It would have been beautiful if not for the lazy black smoke drifting up into the sky and persistent whine of the Seeker swarms. She hoped Mordin's countermeasure worked.

Rounding the first corner, Mira noticed the husk lying on the ground immediately. Kneeling, she inspected the husk. It was similar to the ones found on Eden Prime but different. They weren't changed humans from the colony. Strange, she thought. The Collectors brought their own husks? A soft swearing from Garrus caught her attention and saw what he was looking at. As Mira walked over, the smell emanating from the pod hit her and made her scrunch her nose. But what was inside it made her stomach drop. One of the colonists was frozen in stasis inside, alive but unable to move or communicate. Anger welled up in her, blue energy flickering around her fingers.

"I will make these bastards pay." Mira told the frozen colonist. Hitching her shoulders back and bringing her pistol up again, she continued forward. "They are starting to load their ship. We don't have much time."

"My thoughts exactly." Garrus agreed, holding his sniper rifle at his side. The young krogan only snorted.

-/*\-

Thankfully, the security cameras were still operational as Kaidan flipped between cameras, surveying the invasion and harvesting of the colonists. They had gotten intelligence about an increase of Collector sightings but Kaidan never thought to see one. Now, here was a whole ship parked in the backyard, full of them, taking the colonists of Horizon away. He rubbed at his face, unsure of what to do, or if he could do anything. The colony was overrun and he was outnumbered with only one spare heat sink for his rifle.

Something caught his eye as he flipped to one camera by the turret battery building. The armor and walk was oddly familiar but the back of the soldier was to him. Another walked into view and Kaidan hissed to see Garrus shake his head. The first person knelt down and activated an omnitool to hack the door to the building. As soon as they turned their face to the side, Kaidan cried out.

"Shepard!" he croaked, his chest going tight. A flood of emotions threatened to drown his conscious mind as the video continued to show her and Garrus, along with a krogan, enter the now opened doors. A small fire of anger lighted in him, for her, at her, at Anderson and Hackett, for keeping the knowledge that she was still alive from him! Shaking his head clear and forcing himself to breathe, Kaidan watched the cameras, switching to the other side of the bunker.

But she had died! He saw the Normandy explode and Joker saw her spaced! They never could find her body though, even charred remains on the planet. Cerberus, he thought. Those reports he and Anderson went through, the supplies manifests and invoices. Kaidan dropped his head in his hands for a moment, trying to calm his heart down and take in a deep breath.

"What is going on?" he asked the video as Shepard and her squad ranged out, surveying the area for enemies outside of the turret bunker. Kaidan wished that the cameras included sound because to hear her voice now would help him believe that she was there and not some ghost.

-/*\-

Right as they gotten communication up to contact the Normandy, EDI started the download of a patch needed to get the GARDIAN's guidance system back online. The AI also warned the squad of incoming hostiles, to which the squad found cover behind crates and waited to see where the Collectors and husks would be coming from. The sound of droning wings filled the air as Collector drones settled on the ground. Readying the dark energy through her nodes, Mira built a powerful shockwave burst toward one group, knocking them harshly into the air. Grunt's battle cry sounded in her ears as he charged a rushing group of husks from behind her.

The continued threats from the Harbinger dominated drones beat against Mira. Sweat already trickling down her face, she tossed out warp at the drone and aimed her pistol for two shots. Harbinger's connection was released and the drone drifted in a pile of black ash.

"Shepard! Look out!" Garrus called out, as a large Collector hovered down into the spaceport and fired toward her position.

Mira ran out from her cover at the crates and rolled as they exploded behind her. Grunting from the impact, she shook her head. Hands helped her up and behind a barrier, then let off a rapid burst of rifle fire. When her vision cleared, she looked over to her rescuer and blinked. Kaidan's face was grim and mouth set in a grim line as he fired on the Praetorian. His eyes spared a quick side glance at her.

"What would you do without me, Shepard? Coming in to haul your shapely ass behind cover before it gets blown off."

She grunted and flared, throwing out another shockwave burst toward a group of husks approaching Garrus' flank. The ground shook as the tank slammed down and started to recharge its shields. Mira took this time to switch out her pistol for the missile launcher on her back. Taking pot shots at the thing wasn't getting through. Nodding for Kaidan to lay down cover fire, just like old times, she stood up just as the Praetorian launched itself off the ground and started firing its energy beam at the squad.

Her finger pressed the launch on the missile launcher, the projectile fleeing the tube and seeking its target. It connected, getting the Praetorian's attention. Mira kept pressing, releasing three more missiles in succession. Garrus and Grunt concentrated their fire from behind, as Kaidan laid down fire in front.

The rush of the assault was too much and the Collector started to smoke and crumble in on itself, finally exploding, sending shards of shell and some gooey stuff in the immediate radius of the squad. Kaidan pulled Mira back down and covered her head as the debris rained down on them. Once it stopped, he eased off of her, looking over her face and body, checking for injuries.

"I'm fine." Mira said softly.

"Just checking. After all, it isn't every day I see a ghost." Kaidan's voice responded huskily, trying to hold back so many clamoring emotions.

Mira raised her gloved hand to his face and hesitated, her own emotions warring in her and speaking out through her eyes. Kaidan took her hand and pressed it to his cheek. "I'm fine, too. They didn't get me." He reassured her.

"Kaidan…..we need to talk…" Mira started.

"Shepard!" Garrus called out.

She sighed and stood up from behind their cover, Kaidan joining her. The turian walked over, his sniper rifle resting back on his shoulder. He looked at Kaidan, head cocked to the side. "Well, well, well, Alenko made it." His remaining mandible flared open in a smile.

"Somehow, the rumors of your death were exaggerated." Kaidan's mouth twitched in a half-smile and then turned down in a frown as he looked at Mira. "Even yours, Shepard."

"Can we talk somewhere, Kaidan?" Mira asked.

Kaidan nodded to the building he was holed up in behind them and turned to follow Mira inside. She told Garrus and Grunt to find any more survivors other than Delan. Garrus nodded to his friend and led the young krogan away. Once inside the building, Mira found herself enveloped in a deep embrace. Placing her arms around Kaidan, cursing the armor being in the way, she returned it. Just inhaling his scent brought her peace and longing. She was thankful to have not brought Miranda or Jacob on the squad, for this was personal and she didn't need the Cerberus lackeys reporting back to the Illusive Man about anything said to Kaidan.

As much as she wanted to remain here in his arms and spend hours with the man she loved, Mira had to put some emotional distance and tell Kaidan briefly of what is going on. It would hurt him, and it killed her to have to think of the mission first but she needed Kaidan safe and away from Cerberus' hands. Pulling back from his arms, Mira looked into Kaidan's eyes, seeing anger, sorrow and hurt there. Taking a hand to his face, she soothed the lines the corner of his mouth. "Kaidan, listen, and please, listen to your instinct and heart. I know how hard this is for you…."Mira paused, "This isn't easy for me and I haven't had much time to really digest everything that has happened since waking up."

"Since waking up?" Kaidan's brows took a downward turn.

"I have been clinically dead for the past two years. I was awakened only six weeks ago in a Cerberus facility amid a battle raging on the station. My waking moments have been going from one battle to another for Cerberus." Mira could see Kaidan's eyes and mouth hardening.

"You know what Cerberus has done in the past, Mira!" he exclaimed.

"I know! It kills me to be trapped in the situation that I am but THEY are doing something about the disappearance of our colonies!" A flash of anger made its way into her voice and Mira clamped her hands into a fist to keep the biotic energy at bay. Not before Kaidan felt the surge of power in her and his eyes widened.

"What have they done to you?" He whispered hoarsely.

Shaking her head, Mira sighed, taking a deep breath to ease the tight feeling in her chest. "I can't understand everything they have done. I'm me, not a clone, if that is what you are worried about. But… I'm an L5 now. It's… difficult… to control at times."

Kaidan took a step back from her, concern and rage fighting in his face. "Geezus, that… that is still in trials! How dare they…"

"Kaidan!" she barked his name out with authority, which made him stop and stiffen. "I asked after you when I had the chance. Joker told me some of what went down after the… after…" Mira swallowed, as she couldn't bring herself to even say 'my funeral.'

"Leave them, Mira." Kaidan croaked out.

"I can't."

"Why?" He shouted suddenly. "What do you owe them? They have caused nothing but ruin on anyone who crosses them! I can't believe you would work for them!"

Mira snapped her eyes up to Kaidan's, as she stiffened and hardened her body. "I don't work FOR Cerberus, Commander. They brought me back, gave me the _Normandy_ again, and a means to go after the Collectors. I at least still have the mission against the Reapers return as a priority! What has the Council or Alliance done since I've been laid up on a lab table?"

Kaidan's anger cooled as he saw the cold Commander before him, the hero of Elysium, the Savior of the Citadel, and a veteran N7 soldier and biotic adept. The N branch had a motto: "Do what it takes to get the job done." Virmire was a prime example; all the other missions they had together honed that fact solidly into Kaidan and helped him get through many tough situations with Shepard.

"I'm… I'm sorry, Mira."

Her body still remained stiff and face still had her Commander Shepard mask on. "This is why I asked you to not react but LISTEN. You know me, Kaidan." Her voice softened a touch. "If there was any other way or choice, I would take it! But I have read and seen the vids from the past two years. I talked with Chakwas, Joker and Garrus about what happened!"

"Talk to Anderson." Kaidan inputted.

"I was going to until I got news about the impending attack on Horizon and," Mira's gaze softened a moment toward Kaidan. "I heard you were here."

"Quite a coincidence, don't you think?" Kaidan gritted his teeth, hearing that Cerberus had told her about him and Horizon being attacked. "No one here had time to send off a distress signal. In fact, the communication tower was having some issues right up to the appearance of the Collectors."

"What are you saying?"

Kaidan pinched the bridge of his nose and took in a deep breath, centering himself before continuing. "Anderson sent me here, Mira, to check up on the news of the disappearing colonies. Also, to see if Cerberus was involved and now, here you are, in the thick of things."

When he pointed the coincidence to her, Mira's face drained of color and she stumbled back from Kaidan, bumping into a table. Her mind was whirling with facts and knowledge she had since she started this mission against the Reapers, she shook her head. Something wasn't adding up and while she knew that anything from the Illusive Man was suspect, this was stretching even her own imagination and logic. Her jaw clenched as anger welled up in her at the Illusive Man's games with her. "Fuck."

"That is putting it mildly, Shepard." Kaidan shot back at her wryly.

Mira turned around and headed for the door. She needed to go, needed to get back to the Normandy, needed to see Anderson and the Council. Her breathing came in short gasps, as all the little bits of information and implications crashed down around her world, causing her to hyperventilate. Stumbling at the door, she didn't hear Kaidan calling out to her. The world around her was starting to turn black at the edges. Air was leaving and not reaching her, her breath loud in her ears, a sea of stars was stretching out before her and hope gone with each breath.

"Shepard!" Kaidan shook her shoulders, "Breathe, dammit!" He pounded the back of her shoulders, making her cough. She took a huge intake of air, collapsing to the floor of the building, shuddering and feeling cold. The black edges went away as Mira's breathing became normal, leaving her a little light headed. Kaidan held her face in his hands, gloves off them, his warm touch caressing at her cheeks.

"I need to get back." Mira said hoarsely.

"Look, I'm sorry to be harsh on you but this is overwhelming for me." Kaidan said gently, forcing Mira to look him in the eyes. "I mourned you for two years and was starting to get a life again. Now, here you are, pulling me hard to port and back to you."

"I never….you…" Mira babbled.

"Shhhh, this is my choice, Mira. I can never forget you and knowing you are here, you are alive, I can… hope… someday…" he trailed off.

"Kaidan, come with me." Mira impulsively asked him, though she knew he couldn't and wouldn't, not as long as Cerberus was calling the shots.

"You know I can't. I won't work with Cerberus, even if you would be there." Kaidan shook his head.

"Normandy_ to Shepard, it's time to go. Alliance ship inbound, ETA twenty minutes."_ Joker's voice crackled over her comm piece.

Kaidan rested his forehead against hers, his lips so close. Mira wanted to feel them at least once before she had to go but it would make leaving all the more harder. "Understood, Joker." She got her feet under her and started to stand up. Kaidan gave her a hand and kept it there for a moment longer.

"It is good to see you, Mira." Kaidan told her softly. "Be careful and watch your back with Cerberus."

She slowly nodded and was about to turn away but she turned back to Kaidan, leaning into him suddenly and placing a kiss on his lips, tears mingling between their lips. Stepping away just as quickly, before Kaidan could respond, Mira turned and walked across the port to where a shuttle was waiting for her. She never looked back to see if Kaidan was watching. As long as she was with Cerberus, the mission had to take precedence over her own emotions. Her heart broke just a little in having to leave him. This was the second time she had to leave Kaidan. The first, Mira ordered him to go right before the _Normandy's_ destruction, and now, she had to put distance between her and Kaidan, lest Cerberus use him against her.

Before the shuttle doors closed, a hand reached in and grabbed Mira's. Turning around, she was surprised to see Kaidan looking up at her. With a free hand, he dug out his dog tags. Letting her go but pleading with his eyes for her to wait a moment, he undid the chain and slid off his remaining tag, leaving Mira's and the medallion left on the chain. Grabbing her hand again, Kaidan placed his tag in it, curled her fingers around it and brought it to his lips. Tears flowed down his cheeks as he watched Mira's face fight back her own tears. He reached up to caress at her cheek lovingly, pulling her down to his lips. He laid a tender kiss on her mouth, imparting what couldn't be conveyed in words at this time, that he still loved her.

He turned his head to Mira's ear, "Be strong and know I will find you again."

Reluctantly, Kaidan let Mira go and stepped back from the revving shuttle. He watched as the door shut on Mira, a barrier between them as she left him again. His heart ached again in having to let Mira go but she did have a mission and this time, Kaidan couldn't follow her.


	22. Chapter 21 You've Got Some Explaining

Chapter 21 – You've Got Some Explaining

Once Kaidan got back to Arcturus Station, he walked to Admiralty offices, hoping to get in to see Admiral Hackett. The trip from Horizon, after seeing to the survivors and that they there were being seen to by the Alliance ship dispatched, had served to fuel his anger for Hackett's and Anderson's deception. They knew about Shepard, they KNEW! And when an Alliance frigate arrived at Horizon, Kaidan could only think that Joker must have sent off a call. God, he could still smell her and feel her lips on his. The past two years of grieving and fading memories just flooded back, along with the ache of wanting his Shepard at his side.

Even the brief time on Horizon and her hurried explanation made Kaidan miss her anew. All his prayers and wishes had come to him. Admittedly, it was by Cerberus' hands, which made him grind his jaw hard and anger flare again. He didn't care that Mira had a mission to do and Cerberus was providing a means to do it, he hated that she was trapped in that situation. What was even more aggravating was that Anderson and Hackett knew and did nothing! She was supposed to be their poster girl, their prized soldier and hero! Kaidan's hands balled into fists and it took all his self-control for him to not flare up with a blue corona.

"Welcome back, Commander Alenko." Hackett's aide greeted him.

"Yeoman Rand, is the admiral in?" Kaidan's clipped voice made the young woman blink and smile fade.

"I will see if he is free to meet with you, Commander."

It wasn't even five minutes when the yeoman came out and motioned Kaidan in. With long strides, he walked through the office door and blinked to see the Councilor in the office with the admiral. When he reached a foot away from where the men were at the desk, Kaidan saluted and then went to parade rest, his jaw clenched tightly to keep his temper under control.

"I guess it was bound to happen that you would find out." The quiet authority in Hackett resonated in the office and to Kaidan.

"Why send me to Horizon if you both knew she was alive? Sir." Kaidan's dark eyes were hard as he looked into the weathered and scarred face of the admiral. Anderson could only shake his head a little and sigh deeply. Anderson stood up and faced Kaidan.

"I needed confirmation, Commander, from someone who knew Shepard intimately."

Kaidan's eyes snapped hard to Anderson's face, his lips pressed in a thin line. "Well, it is Shepard and she is still doing the mission that the Alliance and Council refuses to acknowledge. I don't agree with where she is getting help from but…" Kaidan had to pause lest his anger come out, "she saved Horizon, or as much as she could. I also figured out that you left out an important software patch for the turret."

Anderson looked to the side at Hackett, his face grim with guilt. "I'm sorry for that, Commander, but we needed you there on Horizon for however long it took for the Collectors to get there and Shepard to arrive."

"You knew about the Collectors too?" Kaidan's voice did rise in volume at that.

"We suspected, Commander, from the word we got from undercover agents in the Terminus Systems. Since they were so deep undercover, we couldn't use their testimony if we have to present this evidence to the Alliance Parliament or the Council."

"Ashley was right, this is why I hate politics." Kaidan growled. "You used me, sirs, kept me in the dark on some key and important information regarding the mission. It wouldn't have been such a shock to me if I had some news that there were reports on Shepard being alive. And to then be used as bait for both her and the Collectors!" he did raise his voice now in anger, as his control slipped a little. "If Shepard wasn't working WITH Cerberus, I would have joined her right there on Horizon! You two are damn lucky that I can't bring myself to walk into that thresher maw pit, no matter that the woman I care about is with them." Kaidan's eyes blazed as he unleashed his frustration and rage on the older men, knowing they wouldn't bring him up on insubordination charges. "I had to fucking leave her…AGAIN!"

"Kaidan!" Anderson bellowed, "Don't you think I want Shepard with Cerberus? She's like a daughter to me and it kills me to put her at a distance because of damn galactic politics and my position on the Council!"

The two men squared off face to face, anger and guilt warring on their faces. Kaidan knew that Anderson felt the same things he did and regretted having to do the things he had. The anger washed out of him back to a simmering level. Anderson patted Kaidan's shoulder, giving a small squeeze in sympathy. "She may not be in this room but Shepard is back, Kaidan. And she is doing what she does best with what she has at hand. If it be with the help of the enemy, then let's pray the relationship is short lived."

"At least Garrus and Joker have her back." Kaidan told them.

"She's not completely alone, son." Hackett said quietly from his seat. "I've been sending little missions for her, so she can have some connection to the Alliance. It's all I can do. I won't leave her in the cold, Commander. I've invested too much time personally and politically with Shepard. Even you should know that since yours and Shepard's time at OCS."

Kaidan relaxed his stance and sighed deeply, "Aye, sir, I do. Still, the politics of all this is…"

"Fucked." Anderson finished with a grim smile. Hackett shook his head and chuckled from his chair. "How is she?" his voice softened.

Kaidan rubbed at the back of his neck, trying to loosen the tension in the muscles so a migraine wouldn't happen in a few hours. "She looked like hell, sir. Still the tough as nails commander on the ground but… she isn't getting much rest and her psyche seems fragile, despite the mask she puts on to the world. Normally, she wouldn't have flinched when I say harsh facts or opinions but… the mask is cracked." Kaidan swallowed a lump in his throat, remembering the brave face Mira was putting on to her squad as she boarded the shuttle on Horizon.

"Damn that man!" Anderson cursed forcefully. "My one agent has told me that Shepard was running from one place to another in such a short amount of time."

"Councilor, she got your message and you will be seeing her soon." Kaidan announced.

"Then I better return to the Citadel. I'm finished here and Commander," Anderson caught Kaidan's eye, "good work."

"I'm doing this for her." Kaidan replied.

"We all are, son. We all are." Anderson gave a curt nod to him and Hackett, then left, leaving Kaidan and Hackett in the office. The admiral looked at Kaidan with an inscrutable look before he motioned for the younger man to take a seat.

"Shepard has a tough battle ahead of her and will need all the help she can get. We can't do anything officially in regards to the Reapers, as you know. However, indirectly, we can. I'll be damned if I'm leaving one of my soldiers behind enemy lines with nowhere to turn to!"

"So what do you want me to do?" Kaidan asked.

"Commander, it is time for you to go back to Basic." The admiral let a small sly grin cross his face.

-/*\-

Ever since returning from Horizon, Shepard had kept to herself. Joker noticed that she didn't come by to see him after the mission and started to chew at his lower lip in worry. He stared at the holographic screen in front of him, the course plotted back to the Citadel laid in. "EDI, where is the Commander?"

"She is down in the cargo deck gym." The AI replied. "She doesn't want to be disturbed."

"Is that a personal opinion?" Joker shot back testily.

"No. It was a request by the commander."

"What the hell?" the pilot muttered under his breath and struggled to get himself out of the pilots seat. "Watch the helm, EDI. I feel the need to stretch my legs."

His legs may have been strengthened but walking fully erect was still difficult after so many years of being hunched over on a set of crutches. The stride was lopsided and more shambling than an actual walk. Though, Joker was doing it on his own power without any aid. The pilot made it to the elevator and punched the cargo deck level. The commander's behavior was out of character and Joker was worried as to how she was holding up, especially after seeing Kaidan. For him, he wanted to punch his former friend in the mouth for being so insensitive. But then, how would have he reacted if the woman he loved was brought back from the dead?

The doors opened to the lower deck and Joker walked out. They set aside a far corner of the deck for a gym for the crew. It wasn't fancy but it had the treadmill and free weights, and other torture devices that were used to keep one's body in shape. Knowing from experience, Joker knew that when Shepard was troubled or had a lot of things on her mind, she always worked out her issues. I guess it was a habit she got into since back in the Academy. Joker could imagine a younger commander, sleek in muscle and pert… the pilot shook his head from that train of thought.

This was his friend, his commanding officer and she was already spoken for. Even if Kaidan didn't deserve the woman at times, Joker grumbled mentally. When he approached the area, Joker noticed that Shepard was sitting on the bench, head bowed and fiddling with something in her hand. He hobbled over and took a seat next to her, peering over to what held her attention. He was surprised to see an Alliance dog tag in her hand, her thumb rubbing over the raised imprint of the soldiers name and vitals.

"Damn Cerberus." Shepard cursed quietly. "They set us up, Jeff. They knew the attack was going to happen and baited me to go to Horizon because Kaidan was there!"

"What good would that serve Mr. Illusive Man? To piss you off or what?" Joker sighed as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"The man is isolating me. I'm his gun and I have to be focused on accomplishing the task at hand." She replied bitterly.

"Yeah, he spent zillions of creds to bring you back but is that license to toy with you, Shepard?"

She gave Joker a side glance. "I wonder if it is. Kaidan was shocked at the power of my biotics. Since I've known him, I saw fear of me though he tried to hide it. Fear of me!"

"Pfft, I think it is more fearful for you. We left on a bad note but Kaidan is crazy about you and would defend your back no matter what."

"I'm not so sure, Jeff. Every man has their limit and for me working alongside Cerberus, Kaidan didn't give a second's thought in refusing to join me on this mission."

"You knew he wouldn't. What's here on the Normandy but a bunch of misfits, tagging along for the ride with the one woman that is going to save the galaxy from giant crustaceans?"

"Ah, but for Cerberus, it is only for humanity. I still can't help thinking that despite this pro-human rhetoric that there is something deeper and more sinister."

"That is getting beyond my pay grade, ma'am." Joker snorted.

"Then you better ask for a raise from Mr. Illusive Man."

"Fat chance. I'm still paying off the upgrades to the legs." He gave Shepard a lopsided grin, happy to get one in return.

"You know how to make a girl feel good, Joker."

"Always at your service, ma'am." Joker touched the brim of his cap and chuckled. He then turned serious, "How are you doing anyway? It seems there hasn't been a lot of time for you to get your head together since waking up."

Shepard's mouth opened for a moment as if to say something and then closed, sighing deeply, fingers closing around Kaidan's dog tag. "You're right, I haven't had much time to get it together."

Joker did something daring but he knew his friend was avoiding talking about what was going on in her head and about meeting with Kaidan on Horizon. He raised one of his hands and placed it under Shepard's chin, gently forcing her head up to meet his eyes. She was surprised by the gesture from the wise-cracking pilot. "Hey, it's just me, remember? We had those late nights, joking around in the cockpit, sharing bullshit stories and all. Yeah, we are missing a couple of people but I'm here." _Always have been_, Joker thought.

"This is all surreal, Jeff." She said quietly. "Yeah, I'm used to adapting to new surroundings and all but… I've been dead for two fucking years!"

"Well, technically, only dead for six days." Joker quipped.

"And on the 7th day, life was breathed into Eve." Shepard joked lightly though her mouth was grim. "Tossing you in the lifepod and being blown out into space was like yesterday to me. Everyone has changed but me."

"Oh, I don't know about that. Even you have changed. To those who know you best, there is a slight vulnerability to you now." Joker said this softly, his thumb absently caressing the side of her chin.

"It's always been there, Jeff. I just have lifelong practice at keeping it behind a tough exterior."

"Yeah, I bet but I will confess, it does give you some approachability. Don't get me wrong, Shepard, you are a great commander! Just, it is good to see even you have some cracks in that perfect soldier façade."

"You are a keen observer." Her mouth twitched crookedly.

"I sit on my ass all day watching the crew through a security feed. What do you expect? When you can't join the party, you have to bring the party to you." Joker started to lean in closer, his heart beating fast. He didn't know what he was doing but he couldn't resist a damsel in distress. Shepard didn't move as his lips touched hers gently. They were soft and warm under his, and pliable. He pressed on them a little more, feeling Shepard's lips give but just as suddenly move away.

"No, no… no, this isn't happening." She pulled away from Joker's hand and turned her face away. "Jeff, I appreciate… but…" she blew out a breath and held her head in her between her hands. Joker caught a bit of a blush and he blinked.

"You still love him." He stated matter-of-factly.

"Of course I do, Joker!" Shepard cried. "Seeing him on Horizon, I was overjoyed. I know things aren't the same and right now, the time isn't for us but…"

"You are holding on to hope that you can be with Kaidan." Joker grumbled softly, pulling away. "I understand."

"It is what gets me through the nights." She finally turned to look at him again, tears shimmering brightly in her blue-gray eyes.

It was his turn to lower his head, blinking back tears so she wouldn't see. He had to fall for an unattainable woman and it upset him to be turned down. Joker heard Shepard shift on the bench and get up, coming around to kneel before him, now she was lifting the pilots head in her hand.

"You are such a dear, dear friend, Jeff." Shepard said gently. "And I love you for letting me be one of your friends, though you can be an arrogant bastard at times."

Joker snorted and felt his mouth twitch in a smile. "What do mean? I'm an arrogant bastard all the time."

"Nah, not all the time. You are a very caring man and fiercely loyal. I know you have your problems with Kaidan but I also know that you regret not making things up with him."

"Damn, am I that obvious?" the pilot groused.

"Only to me." Shepard gave Joker a tender smile which made his insides flutter. "Write to him, Joker. Since I can't and I won't risk exposing him, you at least have a bit more freedom to contact Kaidan."

Joker gave a little nod and grabbed at Shepard's hand holding his chin, wrapping his long fingers around hers. "Then we better get you two star-crossed lovers back together." He said with quiet firmness. Joker paused and looked into Shepard's eyes and smiled. "Yeah, I miss him too. Who else would listen to my bad jokes? I felt really bad for blaming him for being Mr. Robotic and not realize that was his way of coping after losing you."

"You really can be a bastard, Joker." Shepard laughed.

"It's a talent."

"Come on, let me buy you some coffee." Shepard was about to step up but Joker's strong grip held her.

"Are you going to be okay, Mira?" He rarely used her first name, and the intimacy of using it got through Shepard's barriers.

Pausing before answering, checking inside her head or heart for an answer, Shepard finally nodded, giving a small smile to her friend. "Yeah, I'm going to be okay. I have my ship, a great crew, and the best pilot in the galaxy."

"Damn right!" Joker grinned and pushed himself up from the bench, wobbling a little but steadied himself with Shepard's help. They walked to the elevator, waiting for the car to make it down to the deck. Joker turned to Shepard again, a soft smile on his face. "Hey, thanks for letting me down easy, Shepard."

"For what?" Shepard grinned back and walked into the elevator as it opened. Joker shook his head and chuckled.

"Yeah, for what." The kiss was forgiven and forgotten between them. Their friendship was still strong and not awkward. In fact, it was stronger for the commander, or more like Mira, to let him in to her exclusive circle of close friends.


	23. Chapter 22 Busy Busy Busy

Chapter 22 – Busy Busy Busy

"Shepard!" Anderson greeted Mira as she walked through his door. He smiled widely at first and then it faded as the haunted and simmering anger in her eyes stared back at him. She knew that he had sent Kaidan to Horizon. She stopped short and then gave a quick salute, though it wasn't necessary as neither were in the Alliance per se.

"Captain… Councilor now, isn't it?" Mira's mouth quirked a little, never believing that her mentor was becoming so adept at the political game. "I got your message."

"I'm happy to see you are alive and well and that the reports I had were not some hoax." Anderson nodded grimly.

"They aren't, as Staff Commander Alenko could confirm for you." Her lips pressed together.

"Mira…" Anderson began.

"I can understand in needing confirmation I was alive but why Kaidan?" Her eyes shifted from cold anger to hurt. "I wake up and get told that the Alliance has broken up the Normandy crew and sealed the records about the Reapers, along with the Council's blessing. And now, there is no one going after the Collectors!"

"I'm sorry…but if Hackett and I pressed too hard, we would have lost much more than your tarnished name and the reassignment of your team. We had all believed you were dead and well, you were the driving force regarding the Reapers."

Mira inhaled shakily and ran her hands through her shoulder length hair, a nervous gesture that David had never seen before on the woman. There were other tiny signs that while this was the old Shepard, her fine control wasn't all there. It might have to do with the upgraded implants that Cerberus implanted. "I don't want to be with Cerberus, sir, but…they are providing the means to fight the cause, for now at least."

"I understand, Commander." David nodded, knowing full well what a Special Forces officer and a Spectre would do to accomplish their mission. "But watch yourself with Cerberus."

"Don't think I'm not!" Mira's eyes flashed quickly to anger. "I'm being monitored constantly by those loyal to the Illusive Man himself."

David ground his teeth at the name of the man who has caused him problems in the past, along with Kahlee Sanders. That Shepard was tied to the man now, along with her biotics and their use of experimental implants, brought all the hate for the head of Cerberus forefront. "That man especially be careful with."

"I haven't given him an inch, sir. I owe him for my life and am doing this one mission against the Collectors but frankly...the guy gives me the creeps. Part, well, to be honest, a lot of my anger is not the sense of betrayal by you or the Alliance but at being used by Cerberus."

"If you want some extra measure of reassurance, I could get your Spectre status back. That is if you want it back?" David looked at Mira with a question.

"I could use the resources of a Spectre but I don't know…will the Council take me back now that I am connected to Cerberus?"

"Why not ask them. They are aware of your presence on the Citadel, Shepard. The flight control contacted them once the Normandy docked."

"I figured as much."

"How's Joker?" David asked in concern.

"To coin one of his phrases, happy as a pig in shit, sir." Mira's mouth quirked upwards in a grin. "He's flying a ship he was meant to fly, despite the colors its flying. He told me what you did for him. Thank you."

"I hate to see a good pilot go to waste by being stupid. He took your death pretty hard, as did Kaidan."

"Yeah, he told me and the falling out he had with Kaidan." Mira sighed heavily. "He did make it back okay?"

"Yes, Shepard, he did. He's back at Arcturus helping the admiral with something." He didn't elaborate further. "Shall we talk to the Council about your Spectre status?"

"Let's get it over with. At least adding the threat of Spectre when I deal with mercs will help with negotiations."

David chuckled and headed over to the communication platform to the Council members own personal lines. He hoped he could get this done quickly without Udina's interference or untimely arrival. Those two had bad blood between them and he was unsure of how Shepard would react to the man if she saw him.

-/*\-

- A month later, during the events of the Normandy crew abduction –

Sweat dripped down into his eyes, forcing him to blink. He couldn't brush it away as the cover was tight and any slight movement or exposure would have the sniper firing. Kaidan concentrated on his breathing and looked at the ammo level for the thermal clip in the rifle. Cursing softly as he had maybe a couple shots left, Kaidan tried to peer over the top edge of the barrier to assess the battlefield. He knew where the sniper hole was and what lay out before him. It wasn't much, as the sparse brush and shattered walls provided little for cover to make it across the field to his goal.

_Think, Kaidan, you are low on ammo and have one entrenched enemy to take out before this is done._ Checking his ammo again, Kaidan sighed, low on clips for the rifle and nothing left for his heavy pistol. He thanked Oskarsson again for showing him how to rig heavy pistols so they got more per shot out of a clip than standard issue. Thinking of his academy friend brought Mira to his thoughts. To know she was alive and still fighting brought a smile to his face. How he wished he could help her but right now, their paths were going in separate directions. Maybe when she was done with Collectors and could tell Cerberus to kiss off… Kaidan shook his head. No time to think about that, he had to remain focused on his mission. Grabbing the opened protein bar, Kaidan bit off a chunk and chewed. This stalemate needed to be broken.

His energy was near depleted and Kaidan kept exhaustion at bay. He had no sleep for over twenty-two hours, as he was hunted from the time he dropped down into the area. The only things with him were the new armor, rations, a rifle and heavy pistol, along with a minimal of spare clips. Kaidan's omnitool had the relevant maps and mission objective uploaded in it but most other features were disabled. Stealth and ingenuity was primary but this was a test of his resolve and if he could accomplish the mission any way possible. Already he had been doing extensive training since coming back from Horizon. Hackett had gone in detail about what he planned to do with Kaidan. The admiral needed him and despite that he used Kaidan for Horizon, it was for the good of helping everyone. Still, it left Kaidan jaded about certain things in the Alliance and the Council. Hackett even intimated to him that in the end, this would be to help Shepard. There was an impossible mission and she was just one soldier fighting the odds with no help from either the Alliance or the Council.

This alone helped Kaidan understand why Mira was accepting Cerberus' help, albeit grudgingly. The Special Forces training honed down the fact of why she made the decisions she did. Kaidan found a new respect for the woman he loved and the soldier he admired. The training wasn't easy and tested Kaidan to his limits and beyond. As a new officer and when he requested to join the Special Forces branch, Kaidan had something to prove but it was more of a suicidal wish for him back then. The admiral noted that and told him he wasn't ready. But now, over a decade of decorated service and seasoning, Kaidan had proven time and again that his talents and skill were tantamount. There was still some bias against his L2 implants but he proved that he was stable and powerful, even beyond the L3 limits.

Hackett even asked Kaidan if he wanted to upgrade to the L4 and thus do away with the migraines but Kaidan politely refused. He was used to the energy levels, honed it to its fullest potential and knew the nuances that the implants were capable of. His firm control and strength of will is what kept his implants from tearing apart his sanity. Now, he was going to further test the limits of his implants to break the stalemate with the sniper keeping him pinned down in his current position.

Kaidan had read about the current L4's were able to do a charge, making them superhuman fast for a brief span of seconds in order to cover ground fast and take down the enemy. This was what the new breed of Vanguards was practicing. He sat in on one of the training sessions, listening to the instructor about the techniques and the force required pulling such a feat. At the end of the charge, it tended to leave the biotic shaky from the sudden release of adrenaline. These were new recruits in their second year of training, so they hadn't mastered their bodies to handle the energy rush and exhaustion without it crippling them. In the middle of a battle, you had to keep going after doing something like the charge. Kaidan felt he had enough experience with that, that he could accomplish this new technique.

Though, he was already exhausted and his biotic energy was at minimal levels. His hands shook a little from the exhaustion as he gripped the rifle tighter. This must be how Mira felt after her extended use in long engagements. He shifted what energy he could channel inward and to his legs. Peeking around the corner of his cover, Kaidan made a mental note of the location of the sniper location. With this firmly in mind, Kaidan opened the implants electrical flow widely, breathing in and out rhythmically, allowing his mind and body to focus on the goal. Shifting his body to a crouch and aligning to his target, Kaidan's eyes narrowed, clearing out stray thoughts from his mind. He felt the shift of energy buzzing in his ears and tingling in his legs. Giving a final exhalation, Kaidan let the energy buildup release, his legs moving under him with a burst of speed. His surroundings blurred quickly, the surge of adrenaline searing his veins. He blinked and then he was at the point he wanted to be, right at the blindspot of the snipers nest. Before the adrenaline could fade, he quietly walked up with his rifle pointed at the sniper and coughed.

The sniper jerked his head and looked at Kaidan standing over him, the barrel of the rifle staring down into his face. "Shit!" the sniper cursed. "Where the fuck did you come from?"

"I was over there and now I'm here." Kaidan grinned. "Tag, you're it, Romeo." And he chuckled.

The sniper cursed again and settled the large sniper rifle against the rest he built up. Then he stood up and shook his head at his fellow marine. "Jeezus, Alenko, you scared the shit out of me!"

"Hey, I picked up a new trick and it worked."

"No shit!" Romeo laughed and clapped Kaidan on the shoulder. Touching the earpiece, the sniper made a call. "Hawkeye, the fox has captured the rooster."

"_Roger, Rooster. We'll have a MAKO there to pick you two up."_ The voice on the other end was Hackett, who sounded extremely pleased.

Kaidan rested the rifle against his shoulder and wobbled a little as the adrenaline drained out of him. He was tired and was glad this test was done with. His hand shook as he wiped the sweat from his brow. Romeo shook his head again and laughed. "I owe you a beer or two, Commander. I'm the best there is for pinning biotics down but man, that was some fancy moves you had."

"Thanks! Hope your shorts are still dry."

Romeo laughed harder, "Oh, yeah, but it was close!"

It wasn't long before a six-man MAKO arrived, throwing up dust on the trail up to their position. The sun was starting its downward decline to the horizon. This part of the Rockies was beautiful and remote. Perfect to have a training range for Earth's elite soldiers. The MAKO parked and the back opened to an average height man backlit by the electronic light inside. Kaidan steeled his legs and snapped off a salute, Romeo following a hair later. Admiral Steven Hackett descended from the ramp and onto terra firma. He nodded his acknowledgement of the salutes and told the men at ease. Kaidan gracelessly crumpled to the ground with a grunt, a laugh bubbling up in his chest.

Hackett grinned and handed the biotic an elcrotlyte drink to replenish some of his energy reserves. "I must say, Commander, you have impressed me. No L2 should have pulled off a charge like you did."

Kaidan gave the admiral a small grin and shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not a normal L2, sir."

"Heh," Hackett agreed. "I don't know if Shepard was a good influence or a bad one on you."

"A bit of both, Admiral." Kaidan chuckled and finished off the drink, the shakes lessening.

Romeo came out of the MAKO and went back to Kaidan and Hackett, "We're all ready, sir."

"Help the Commander, Chief. After that stunt, he's barely able to stand."

"Yes, sir." Romeo grinned widely and reached down to give Kaidan a hand up.

After a couple days of rest and eating like no tomorrow, Kaidan was feeling good. This was the best he had felt in over two years. Standing in Hackett's office on Earth, Kaidan wondered what was going to happen next. He finished the N training and passed the final test. Still, after that, Kaidan was left to rest and wait in the officer's quarters back in Colorado Springs. He looked down at the new combat uniform, surprised at the now light patterned gray fatigues. It was less conspicuous than the old blues and hell a lot more comfortable. The high collar showed off his commander bars. Now he got more appraising looks from women when he walked by, which he had to shake his head and chuckle quietly.

_Sorry, ladies, my heart is already taken._ His stomach fluttered when he thought of Mira on Horizon. She was alive. There was no word of what the Normandy was doing in the past couple of weeks, and that worried him. The last reports had Mira and the Normandy leaving Illium. She was in good hands with Joker flying and Garrus watching her back, Kaidan reassured himself. _I just wish I could see her one more time, talk with her, and tell her things will be alright._

Hackett strolled into the office with a pad in hand and nodded to Kaidan, motioning him to take a seat. There was an air of worry about the man that set Kaidan's stomach to flipping. The older man took a seat at his desk and placed the pad down on it, looking to Kaidan.

"Impressive, Commander." Hackett started. "I wish I hadn't held you back for so long. I knew you had the potential back in OCS but the years have added to that potential to where you stand among the few N7s in the Alliance."

"N7, sir?" Kaidan's eyes widened.

"That last test was an important, to judge what your ranking was to be. You excelled in nearly all the fields, from tactics, strategy, ingenuity, physical and psychological stress, to adapting to a no-win situation. Romeo is still checking his shorts today." Hackett laughed. "I showed the footage to the instructor who was teaching the new L4s the charge and he was quite impressed that you pulled it off. When was the last time you had readings done on your implants?"

"Over a year, sir, not since my last physical." Kaidan answered.

"You are definitely a rare exception, Alenko. You have in the past, tested higher for power levels that an L2 should have. You have never considered upgrading?"

Kaidan winced. His father and he had this talk many times. While upgrading was an option for him, how could he explain now that after so many years of being used to the implants he had that learning a newer one would be hard. Especially now that he was in his mid-thirties, adapting to a new set of hardware would be time consuming and difficult. "It has been discussed but as I have tried explaining to my father, retraining to an upgrade would take a lot of time. I've gotten used to what limits I have with the L2. So, the migraines come and go but they are manageable and can be treated."

Hackett nodded, "I understand." He paused for a moment and then spoke out, "Makes me wonder how Shepard is handling the L5 Cerberus implanted."

"I don't know. From the brief time I was with her on Horizon, she's managing…if barely."

"She'll pull through. If anything, she's a strong woman and refuses to give in to failure."

"That she does." Kaidan bowed his head briefly.

"Anyway, from the last test, you are rated up there with Shepard and Anderson, Commander."

Kaidan blinked in surprise. He rated a rank seven? It was hard to believe, for he must be imagining what the admiral said was true. He knew he was a good soldier and was on par at times with Shepard. But how many times did she have to pull his ass out of the fire? Then again, he did pull her ass out of the fire a few times too. "Um…wow, I never thought I would rank that high, sir."

"Surprisingly you did. You may not have earlier in your career but through experience and letting go of your inhibitions, you have excelled. Frankly, I was hoping it was the case, as there are so few N7s out there and with Anderson in his current role and Shepard doing what she must with Cerberus, I need another officer of that caliber."

"Why?" Kaidan narrowed his eyes. This was starting to sound like the time that Anderson and Hackett had sent him to Horizon and his hand started to ball into a fist.

Hackett sighed deeply, "I won't lie to you, not after what I have put you through with Horizon. Things are not going well out there. You know there has been no word about the Normandy in a couple of weeks from our sources. She's dropped off the grid. Plus, things in Parliament and Alliance command are getting tense, especially where Shepard is concerned. I've been holding off IA so far, from going and arresting Shepard."

"What for? She's done nothing but saved the galaxy!" Kaidan bit out hard.

"True but all the talk about Reapers and now her resurrection and working with Cerberus, they are working hard to discredit her and calling her a traitor. You know I believe the Reapers are coming but we are a just a few among the large crowd."

"I'm sure they will change their tune once those things are knocking on their doorstep." Kaidan snorted.

"This also concerns you, Commander. You are tied to Shepard in all this, and IA is starting to sniff around your records and past testimony regarding Ilos. They will pull out all stops on this investigation, Kaidan. Especially in regards to your personal relationship with Shepard." Hackett looked into Kaidan's face hard, getting across the seriousness of the situation within the Alliance brass.

"Shit." Kaidan said quietly. He rubbed the hand that was in a fist on his knee.

"So, you see the seriousness of what is going on being the scenes. That is why I am pushing you through Special Forces and beyond, to get you out of IA's reach, at least for now. There are more important things to do than worry about this petty investigation. Anderson and I have tolerated your personal relations with Shepard but no one else knows that we are aware of it. You two are professionals and have not let your relationship affect your duty or morale. But it will get ugly, Kaidan."

"I can handle it, sir."

"Good, I know you can. Now," Hackett rested back in his chair and steepled his fingers before his mouth. "you have officially gained your N7 status, Commander. There is one more thing to make you aware of that Anderson and I are pushing for but it is going to take some time. We are putting forth your name for Spectre."

"What!" Kaidan sat upright, surprised. He never expected this from the admiral.

Hackett held up his hand to stop Kaidan's protests. "Listen to me first. You are eligible and would be an agreeable choice to the Council. However, convincing them to induct another human will be a trial. You need more resources in order to push the fight against the Reapers than I can legally offer."

"And Shepard needs all the help she can get." Kaidan answered, calmer now as he sees the logic of the nomination.

"That she does. She may feel isolated and alone out there but she isn't. I have a lot riding on the both of you, Kaidan, and this will help distance you from IA's investigators."

Kaidan sighed deeply and leaned forward. His hand went to rub at his forehead and pinch the bridge of his nose. Things were happening so quickly and left him a little dizzy. But he saw what Hackett was doing now and deep down, he agreed to the plan. Breaking regulations was going to come and bite them in the ass someday, Kaidan and Mira knew that. Now, IA wants to add charges of treason and who knew what else on top of that. They were out for blood and anyone that was part of the Normandy was going to be pulled in. Kaidan's head was there on the chopping block, along with Mira's. Sitting back up, Kaidan straightened his shoulders back and looked at the scarred admiral.

"What do I need to do?" Kaidan said, resigned to the path laid before him.

-/*\-

When they returned to the Normandy after Joker contacted the shuttle, Mira stared at the empty decks. Her heart dropped to her stomach as she realized her crew was in the Collector's hands. Over the weeks, they had come to work together as a solid team. Through roaming the decks and talking with various crew members, she had gained their trust and loyalty. Mira was surprised to have gained the loyalty of her team, even Miranda, who was hesitating more and more in reporting updates on Shepard to the Illusive Man. She had a rag tag bunch, including a geth, which Tali had vociferous objections to having the thing activated. Oddly, the geth platform, Legion, was attached to her and did nothing to harm the Normandy or EDI.

Grunt, the youthful Krogan, was silent at the emptiness of the Normandy. Even Jack was struck speechless, and she usually had some crude, smartass comment on hand for any occasion. Mira slowly walked to the elevator, heading for CIC and Joker. When the doors opened onto the quiet CIC, Mira swallowed the panic that was threatening to overwhelm her. _Where is he?_ She thought.

"EDI?" Mira called for the VI.

"Yes, Commander?" The blue orb popped up next to the elevator, making Mira sigh with some relief.

"Where's Joker?"

"He's in the briefing room."

"Thank you." Mira headed through the doors to the armory and then to the briefing room. When the doors opened up, she took in the hunched form of the pilot sitting on the table, rocking back and forth, hands curling the brim of his cap. She walked up to him and laid her arms around the pilot. "It's alright, Jeff, we're back."

"They took them! The bastards grabbed all of them, even that pesky Kelly." He muttered in a choking voice. "I had to unshackled EDI to save the Normandy."

"You what?" Miranda cried out as she entered the briefing room. "I can't believe you did that, Joker! There was a reason why she was shackled! Why didn't you stop the Collectors from taking the crew? Now what are we supposed to do?"

"Miranda," Mira snapped at the woman, "he did the best he could!" She knew Joker wouldn't lose another Normandy and if it meant unshackling the AI, he did so to save the ship. Without the Normandy, they wouldn't have a way to go and stop the Collectors.

Miranda snapped her mouth shut and turned out of the briefing room. Jacob stood there silently, as a good soldier. Mira nodded a dismissal to him, which he saluted and left. Joker looked at her then with suck anguish it made her heart break. Her friend was reliving the fate of the first Normandy all over again.

"Jeff, it's fine, you saved her." Mira said soothingly, placing her hands on his shoulders. "Tell me what happened."

"We turned on the IFF and things seemed to go well but then a power spike happened that overloaded most of the main systems. I lost navigation and propulsion, which was when that mother-fucking ship came in. Instead of slicing and dicing, the Collectors boarded and took the crew. I…hid. EDI helped light the way through the access shafts to get to the core without being detected. The only way for EDI to gain control of the ship was to unlock the shackle program on her. I couldn't take the Normandy away from those Collectors by myself." Joker took a deep breath before continuing. "They took the crew, Shepard! All of them!"

"We'll get them back, Jeff." Mira's eyes hardened. "Those oversized bugs have messed with me for the last time. They aren't taking another ship of mine again."

Joker nodded and gritted his teeth, his jaw clenching with resolve. "EDI can help with flying the ship. She is essentially the Normandy now."

Mira nodded. "You trust her?"

"Yeah."

"Alright then. I will get Tali working in engineering and see what can be done to disable part of the IFF that will call in the Collectors. We don't need to be broadcasting our presence to them again. And you, mister, have got your hands full in setting course to the O4 relay."

"Aye aye, Commander." Joker gave a faint smile and salute before turning and heading back to the cockpit.

Mira took a deep slow breath and centered herself. Since recruiting Samara, the Justicar had helped her get her biotic energy under control. The L5s provided more power and she wasn't used to that. Her hands no longer shook from barely checked control and Mira was happy for that. Her biotics though still surprised her when they came so easily and provided more kick. In time, with the added control, Mira adjusted the level of power so it didn't burn her out so fast in a battle. Kaidan would have been proud. Thinking of him brought a longing so fierce that Mira blinked back the tears in her eyes. She wished she knew where he was. Hackett dropped little assignments in her inbox now and then but nothing more.

Here they were, heading off to uncertain fate, knowing it was going to be a one way mission. If Mira was going to accept death so easily, the Collectors and their Reaper master got another thing coming. There was too much to live for and once the Collectors were taken care of, Mira had planned on telling that Illusive ass to go to hell. She was tired of being used and Mira wasn't convinced that the man had humanity's best interest at heart. The experiments that Cerberus done in the past, still flashed in her head. Seeing Admiral Kohuko lying on the floor of the lab was still searing in her memory. Knowing that they were using thresher maws to attack humans, still made her blood boil.

No, this was the end of the line of her association with the Illusive Man. Yes, severing ties with him would have some repercussions, as she planned on taking the Normandy with her. It was her ship, built specifically for her use. But her primary mission of stopping the Reapers was paramount to any allegiance to the pro-human group.

Heading toward destiny, Mira walked out of the briefing room and went over to the galaxy map. The holographic display of the galaxy shimmered into view. Her hand picked out Omega easily and looked at the winking red icon of the Omega 4 relay. What was beyond it was anyone's guess but she knew that the Collectors were taking her people there and she had to get them back.


	24. Chapter 23 Live to Fight Another Day

Chapter 23 – Live to Fight Another Day

Time seemed to freeze while Mira took the leap from the crumbling ledge toward the Normandy. Joker's eyes widened as he lowered the rifle and reached out a hand to her. The edge of the hatch decking hit her forcefully in the chest, knocking the wind out of her even through the armor. Attempting to take a breath in, she felt Joker's strong grip haul her up into the docking hatch and smack the door closed. Sparkles were flashing in her vision but she did not have time to worry about passing out. Steeling herself, she hustled after the pilot, followed by Thane. Garrus immediately went down to the weapons room. Looking at the countdown on her omnitool, she bit her lower lip and watched Joker steer the Normandy away from the Collector base.

Mira heard the Normandy scream as it sped through the wreckage of other unfortunate ships to the mass relay. Her grip on Joker's chair was tight and she had to loosen it as her hand started to cramp. The swirling red light of the Omega 4 relay teased them on the horizon as they aimed for their escape.

"Better hold on to something, this going to get choppy." Joker yelled back.

Looking down at the timer, Mira sucked in a breath and braced herself for the impending shockwave of the explosion. The trailing edge of the shockwave lifted the Normandy up and pushed the battered ship forward, causing panels to spark and crew to be tossed. Mira stood through it, gritting her teeth and watching the Collector base disappear into bits. A slow smile of satisfaction spread across her face. How dare the Illusive Man try to convince her to keep the base. That base was a culmination of what was evil and the ever present threat of the return of the Reapers. That the man wanted to use it for research, really threw serious doubts and distrust about his ulterior motives. Whatever they were, it was not for humanity's best interest.

Once the shockwave passed them, Mira patted Joker's shoulder. "Good flying, Joker. Now, take us home."

"Aye-aye, Commander. Anything else?"

"When we get on the other side, ring up the Illusive ass. I have a few words to say to him."

"My pleasure!" Joker's face split in a shit-eating grin.

It was as if a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders when she strutted out of the briefing room. The smile on Mira's face was full and she even started to laugh. Oh, she could add another enemy to her long list but Mira did not mind. Cerberus was an enemy before they realized it long ago. Though, what to do with those that were loyal to the pro-human terrorist group? Where to go to get the Normandy patched up? What was she to do now? She did not have access to her back pay from the Alliance, or any funds from the Council. Then again, Specters were expected to fund themselves for their equipment and travel expenses.

What was the next step in finding how the Reapers were coming? Pinching the bridge of her nose, Mira sighed. There was a lot of thinking and planning to do. As she walked out into CIC, the rescued crew was back at their stations, turned around to look at their commander. Yes, Cerberus hired them but most of the crew was former Alliance. Mira took in each face, happy to see them safe and sound. The memory of their time on the Collector base will forever be etched in their minds but they were home. One of the crewmembers stood up from his seat and started clapping. Another joined him, her hands coming together in a clap, followed by more of Mira's crew applauding her. She stepped up to the platform overlooking the holographic display of the Normandy, smiling at each crewmember in turn. The interior hull of the Normandy rang with applause and cheers.

It made Mira's heart fill with pride, knowing that these men and women trusted her to lead them and keep them safe. She had no doubt now that no one would abandon her or the Normandy. "Alright, back to work. We still have some repairs to do before we can limp into dock for some major patching."

"Where to, Commander?" Joker called to her over the comm.

Good question, Mira wondered. The closest space dock was Omega. "It's not the best choice but head to Omega."

"Uh…okay. You are sure you don't want to go to Illium? Nicer accommodations and well, we could use a little break."

"Joker, is the Normandy in any shape to run through two more relays to get to Illium?" Mira asked.

"Well, no."

"Then Omega it is. Contact Aria and inform her we need some repairs. Let her know that our affiliation with Cerberus is no longer active. We are…freelancing."

"Arrrggh!" Joker let out a pirate noise that had Mira shake her head.

Kelly looked up a Mira, worry plain in her eyes. "What are we going to do now, Commander?"

Mira looked at Kelly with a neutral look, "We shall see what happens, Kelly."

-/*\-

-Three days after Normandy's return from the 04 relay—

"I'm sure you understand our reservations regarding inducting another human into the Specters, Councilor." The salarian told Anderson. "With Shepard's status unknown regarding her affiliation with Cerberus, not to mention her rather unorthodox way of doing things, how do we know that Commander Alenko would be a good candidate?"

"You have seen his record, Councilor, and spoken to him yourself. He is more diplomatic than Shepard, but he is no less the soldier and negotiator than Shepard is. Right now, you need a solid Spectre working for you."

"No doubt this will also further advance humanity's needs within in the Council." The turian Councilor growled.

"Commander Alenko is not corruptible, unlike Saren!" Anderson retorted heatedly.

"Enough." The calm voice of the asari broke into the rising tension between the human and turian councilors. She turned her gaze to the silent man standing to Anderson's left and motioned for him to step forward. "Commander Alenko, do you think you are ready to shoulder the heavy responsibility and duty of being a Council Spectre?"

Kaidan looked at the asari gravely and dipped his head before responding. "Yes, ma'am."

With a knowing nod, the asari councilor looked to either side of her and dared her compatriots to disagree with her decision. Standing forward, her hand reaching out the panel before her, she spoke in a loud and clear voice, "Commander Kaidan Alenko, by the assent of the Council, you are hereby granted all powers and privileges of the Special Tactical and Reconnaissance branch of the Citadel. Spectres are not trained but chosen. They are forged in the fire of service and battle; whose actions elevate them above the rank and file."

The salarian councilor picked up next, "Spectres are an ideal, a symbol, the embodiment of courage, determination, and self-reliance. They are the right-hand of the Council, instruments of our will."

With a slight flutter of his mandibles, the turian councilor continued. "Spectres bear a great burden. They are protectors of galactic peace, both our first and last line of defense. The safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold."

"Commander, I wish you well and hope that you will help Shepard in her cause." The asari surprised Kaidan and Anderson with the sentiment. "We do not wish her ill but as long as Cerberus has her allegiance, we cannot do much for her."

"I assure you, Councilor, Shepard does not wish to continue her alliance with Cerberus any longer than she has." Kaidan said adamantly, believing his words and the faint hope that Mira could tear herself away the group's grasp.

When there seemed to be nothing else to say, Anderson and Kaidan started to take their leave of the Council leaders. The asari stopped them, "You would be pleased to know the Normandy has made it back through the Omega 4 relay. Sources tell me that it was greatly damaged but still flying. It is currently making repairs on Omega."

Anderson looked up in shock to hear that the Normandy made it through the Omega relay, where other ships had disappeared. Kaidan's face shared the same expression and the two men looked to each other. Anderson bowed his head to the asari councilor, "Thank you for the news."

The asari gave a brief smile and dismissed them. They both walked briskly toward the elevator, each wondering what was Mira doing at the Omega 4 relay and was that why the Normandy went off-grid? At least Joker got them back in one piece, Kaidan inwardly sighed in relief.

The elevator door closed on the men, each silent in their thoughts. Kaidan absently chewed at his lower lip, wondering if he could take a trip to Omega and see Mira before she disappeared to who knows where. There was so much they had to talk about and he was feeling anxious in wanting to see more than just a brief moment after a battle where heated words were exchanged. Feeling her dog tag against his chest brought some semblance of hope to Kaidan. She knew he still cared and loved her, after he gave her his remaining tag on Horizon.

"Kaidan, go to Omega and catch up with Shepard." Anderson broke the silence.

"Are you serious?" Kaidan's eyes widened in surprise.

"Yes. Get a sitrep from her. With her mission done, I'm sure she is thinking about what to do next. Hackett and I are still working on freeing her accounts, but you know red tape."

"I'm sure Captain Bailey could help expedite matters, Councilor." Kaidan gave a lopsided grin.

"He already has to some extent." Anderson's eyes gleamed with hidden mischief. "However," he paused, "my time in the Council may be coming to an end shortly, Kaidan. So, I need you prepared and warn Shepard."

"Warn her about what?" he asked in confusion.

"The wolves are already starting to nip at her heels." Anderson replied cryptically. "It's an old code phrase we used in the past and she will understand."

As the doors to the elevator opened, Anderson and Kaidan stepped out onto the Presidium. Kaidan was getting worried for Anderson but knew that pressing any further would meet resistance. Giving a nod of agreement, Kaidan left Anderson and headed to his apartment to pack. He also needed to drop by the requisition officer in C-Sec and see about the specialty gear for Spectres. Kaidan still had the HMR heavy pistol that Mira bought him from three years ago. For her, the pistol was a holdout weapon, when her biotics were used heavily in combat. He had envied her for so long because of her control and endurance with nothing more than fatigue and low blood sugar. He would get a migraine after extended and heavy use of his own abilities during combat.

Had Mira found control again, Kaidan wondered. Well, he was about to find out in person if he made it to Omega in time. Not knowing the extent of the damages to the Normandy, Kaidan was safely estimating that standard repairs would be three days. It would take him one day on a courier to get to Omega. It was strange to think he could freely roam the Terminus Systems now, now he was listed as a Spectre. These past few months seemed surreal but Kaidan also felt that the clock was winding down in the galaxy toward judgment day.

-/*\-

Aria welcomed Shepard to her couch in the Afterlife, looking at the human woman up and down. Shepard returned her stare, never flinching or backing off. Good, the Spectre has returned, Aria thought. Now, there was a problem, another Spectre had arrived on Omega. A human male, her sources told her, and he had that same precise stance as Shepard, which bespoke of Alliance Special Forces training. It was tight control and deliberate movement, the body always aware and ready for battle. The male could only be Commander Kaidan Alenko. That he was listed as a Spectre raised Aria's in curiosity. Why had the Council inducted another human soldier? Unless….he was here for Shepard.

"So, what do I owe the pleasure of your return? It is surprising you made it back from relay in relatively one piece."

"Yes, the Normandy is holding together with nothing but bubble gum and duct tape." Shepard's mouth quirked.

"You humans have such…colorful phrases." Aria shook her head. "After what you have done with Archangel, I'm surprised you came back."

"The mercs wouldn't dare touch me after I considerably thinned their numbers."

"They deserved it. It actually helped me out."

"Then I hope that for that 'favor'" Shepard paused a moment, letting the last word hang briefly, "you can help me. I need my ship patched up until I can get to a real dock."

"You mean to a trustworthy dock." Aria prompted.

"Touché." Shepard bowed her head.

"I might be able to help. After all, one Spectre is enough to cause some minor irritation but two is asking for trouble that I do not want brought here."

"Excuse me?" Shepard was surprised, Aria noticed.

"Ah, I forget you Spectres do not usually know each other until you meet. And then it is because that Spectre is there to kill a rogue." Aria settled back into the couch, sipping at a drink that she picked up from a little table.

"You know this for certain, Aria? That this Spectre is after a rogue?" Shepard's eyes narrowed her expression closing to a bland mask.

The asari crime lord shrugged her shoulders non-chalantly. "I don't know for certain. I'm just saying that is why there are ever two Spectres in one place such as this."

"I will take your words under advisement." Shepard replied neutrally.

"Take them or not, I'm just commenting." Aria took another drink. "Just don't start trouble on my turf. Now, I will see about getting a quick and good repair team to patch up your ship so you can leave Omega as soon as possible."

-/*\-

Mira had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach by Aria's news. She did not think the Council would have declared her a rogue and send another Spectre after her. So, what did this mean? Surely, Anderson would have mentioned it but then again, the Normandy's long-range communications were fried until they could get a real tech to fix it. Joker grumbled about the lack of extranet. However, they were here on Omega and if anything, it had spies of the Council here, so her whereabouts were bound to be reported to the Council.

Then who was this Spectre? Mira had never felt more alone than now, where her trusted crew on the Normandy or taking a breather in one of the many bars. No one bothered to do more than glance at her, as the human woman bristled power and an aura of "Don't Fuck With Me," especially, when she wore a modified Alliance high-powered assault rifle on her back.

Could have Cerberus tipped off someone in the Council, to have her declared rogue? Mira's nerves tightened at the thought and quickly scanned her surroundings as she walked the market district. There were too many dark alleys and windows from which to hide and ambush an unwary victim. The hairs on the back of her neck bristled in warning as Mira's sixth sense felt someone following her. Trying to appear natural, Mira walked through the crowd, using clumps of aliens and vendors as a way to throw off her pursuer.

After five minutes, Mira still felt her shadow breathing down her neck. She readied her amps with checked energy and placed a hand to her heavy pistol at her hip. The clumps of people were getting sparse as the market dwindled from storefronts and businesses to warehouses. Looking at the edges of her peripheral vision, Mira could barely see the form of her pursuer. Dodging quickly into one of the alleys between two warehouses, Mira unsnapped her pistol, the grip conforming to her palm. She placed her back to the wall and hid in the shadows.

She waited for what seemed eternity and nothing walked across the opening of the alley on the street. Mira's breathing was shallow and controlled, her head buzzing with checked biotic energy. Her trigger finger lay on the side of the pistol, waiting. Her hypersensitive hearing heard the faintest scuffle in the alley and Mira spun around, pistol pointed up and straight at her shadow's chest. The blue corona off the body and the familiar electrical frequency the only things that kept her from shooting.

Before she could say anything more, Kaidan stepped forward, his arm slipping around her waist, dragging her back to the wall, just as bolt of fire shot into the dark alley at where she stood mere seconds before. His hand came up with his pistol and fired, the precision shot landed on the assailant's forehead.

Mira looked at the dark crumpled form at the entrance of the alleyway and up at Kaidan's face as her body rested against him. His biotic energy pulsed around hers, so familiar and welcome. His smile at her warm and tender. "You have quite the fan club, Shepard." His voice rumbled quietly.

"What can I say, I'm irresistible." Mira's eyes snapped to the other side of alley and saw another form sneaking in. With a twitch of her arm, a blaze of dark energy flew out from her hand, pushing the enemy away hard, where a sickening crunch was audible down the alley.

"I think we better go before your dance card is all full." Kaidan said quietly, his body bunching under her as he shifted away. Both soldiers used the alley wall for back cover, pistols drawn and pointed down, ready to fire should there be need. Mira poked her head around the corner and motioned Kaidan forward.

After nearly three years since they were last together in combat, the old squad tactics fell naturally into place. There was only one difference; Kaidan was more assured and assertive in his moves. Hop scotching down the side and dimly lit back street, Mira and Kaidan moved away from the warehouse district and back to the crowds of the market. Right as they were about to cross into the market district, a group of Blue Suns entered the street, blocking them, the leader was the familiar figure of Vido Santiago himself.

"Well, I guess I know who my dance partners are now." Mira quipped.

-/*\-

"You are shitting me!" Zaeed yelled at Miranda, as he hastily snapped on his armor and strapped on an arsenal of weapons and grenades to his body.

"No, surprisingly, the news came from Aria who said Vido was here and after spotting Shepard, immediately sent his personal team after her."

"Why is no one with her, watching her back in the god-damn place?"

"She wanted to talk to Aria alone." Miranda snapped at the mercenary.

"Well, Miss Bad-Ass still needs someone watching her back. I hope I won't be too late before Vido gets a hold of her." The grizzled and scarred man growled, brushing rudely past Miranda and stomping down the decking to the elevator.

Miranda followed him quickly, slipping in through the closing doors. "And you are going to waltz there alone and take on Vido yourself?"

"This is my fight, Princess. Shepard knows that." Zaeed trained his blind eye on the Normandy's executive officer.

"Take Garrus at least. He was with you and Shepard there on Zorya."

Zaeed grunted and as the elevator opened onto the CIC, he spotted the turian sniper and jerked his head. Garrus did not need to question the gesture and went to a locker to grab his rifle. Miranda watched the pair stalk off the Normandy.

The mercenary was determined to find Shepard and Vido. But he was damned if the woman was going to die now after pulling all their arses out of the fire a few days ago when they went through the Omega 4 relay. He was not doing this for pay, not after she told that bastard Illusive Man to fuck off. No, the old mercenary respected the woman. She was a tough-as-nails soldier who got the job done without getting squeamish when it was unpleasant. Even as tough as Shepard was, Vido and his personal squad were more than the commander could take on by herself.

"Damn fool woman." Zaeed grumbled as he stormed Omega, heading for the market district, where Aria said Shepard headed.

A/N Yeaay, I know this was long in coming but I had to write this in pieces over the past couple of weeks. Thanks to my extra pair of eyes to pick up some minor grammar things. I went over again and spotted a few more mistakes too. *rubs hands together* Now, what trouble will two Spectres get into?


	25. Chapter 24 Taking Out the Trash

Chapter 24 – Taking Out the Trash

* * *

Vido Santiago held a hand up to his people, halting them from doing anything. He sauntered to the middle of the empty space between his group and the two Spectres. Mira's eyes narrowed, her gun never wavering its aim at the Blue Suns leader. He started to smile at her, which unnerved her. Kaidan chanced a look to her but she silently communicated to let her do the talking.

"Well, well, well, the woman who has caused me so much trouble and a lot of money these past few months. Tell me, do you still hang around that mongrel, Zaeed?"

"Maybe but then he isn't your concern. I am." Mira's voice turned icy and dangerous, her body flickering with a dark blue corona.

"True, I am more concerned with you and getting compensation for the assets you have destroyed."

"Oh, the assets your mercs had swindled from helpless colonists? Such as, murdering helpless civilians of a couple of mines or ransacking archaeological digs and all for what? Money?" Mira tilted her head a bit to the side.

"Tsk tsk, such harsh accusations. It is just business and I am only fulfilling my clients' needs."

"You need to find new clients then." Mira's voice dropped dangerously low. Kaidan's body matched hers in hue, knowing the hard commander tone of her voice. "I really am getting tired of taking out the trash."

The merc leader's nose flared at the subtle insult Mira shot at him. His eyes narrowed, body bristling with contained anger. "You are in no place to threaten me, Shepard. Cerberus isn't at your back anymore, protecting you."

"I don't need them protecting my back, Vido. My team can handle themselves quite well without them."

The man paused at the serious tone in Mira's voice as she said that. Even without the pro-human group, the mercenaries in the Terminus knew Shepard was a force to be reckoned with. Her team was also quite formidable, even for a bunch of misfits. The woman was a Spectre to boot and the law wouldn't touch her. "And where are they now? It is quite dangerous to wander the back streets of Omega alone."

"She's not alone." Kaidan broke in, his voice quiet and equally threatening as Mira's.

Vido looked over to Kaidan for the first time since cornering Mira. "Who are you?" His face showed disdain for this unknown man.

"A fellow Spectre." Kaidan answered simply.

The Blue Suns leader sniffed and waved his hand. "I never heard that the Council inducted another human Spectre."

"It happened rather suddenly." Kaidan gave the mercenary a feral grin that didn't show any warmth or mirth. Mira was surprised to see this new ruthlessness in Kaidan, this tight cold control that she had honed her whole career exuded from the Sentinel. It intrigued her Mira had to admit. What else had changed since her long sleep?

"So, Vido, are we going to stand here in this alley and exchange pleasantries all night?" Mira snapped sarcastically. "I do have an appointment to get my nails done and I hate to be late."

"I agree this conversation is getting tiring. As are you, for destroying my business."

"Then come and get me, if you can." Mira challenged, without any telling mnemonic gesture, a pushing wave burst from her toward the Blue Suns, knocking them back a couple dozen feet. Kaidan's eyes opened a fraction in surprise, glancing at her. Nodding her head, she turned on the balls of her feet and ducked into an adjoining alley. Her eyes found a good defensible spot and she vaulted over crates, crouching down to her heels. Kaidan joined her, knees bent enough to get adequate cover for him and able to cover Mira.

"I hope you have a plan, Mira."

"Nope, I'm flying by the seat of my pants." Mira turned to smile up at Kaidan, her face and eyes open and warm. He couldn't help but smile back, shaking his head slightly.

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me."

Before she could comment, the first pair of Blue Suns tentatively entered the alley, only to meet a warp field and overload of their weapons. While they fumbled around for a weapon to use, Mira and Kaidan lined up their shots, each of them taking one of the mercenaries, felling them at the mouth of the alley. Another pair of mercs rushed the entrance, rifles blazing bright streaks toward them and ricocheting off the walls. Mira hand motioned to Kaidan that she was going to lift the two closest and he was to take his shots. He nodded and waited as Mira's body flared and hand rose up, fingers closing in a fist as the first two mercenaries of the group inched closer to them. They yelled, startled, losing their footing and flailing in the air. Mira set her jaw, holding them up as Kaidan raised his pistol and shot one then swung the pistol to the other and shot the second mercenary.

She let out a burst of air as the pressure was released. No more Blue Suns came into the alley but camped at the opening, pinning down the pair from moving out from their cover. Kaidan released another steaming thermal clip and slapped a new one in, giving a small frown. "I have three more clips. I wasn't expecting to get into a pissing match with the Blue Suns, Shepard."

"Neither was I. Damn, where is Zaeed when you need him? He would be all over Vido like a flea on a dog." Mira curled around the edge of the crate and fired another burst, grunting as she got another twitching Blue Sun.

"I'm surprised there is no security coming to the party." Kaidan commented.

"On Omega?" Mira snorted. "The gangs are the security, dear. When there is a shootout with a big merc group like Blue Suns, they tend to scatter to the dark holes and wait until there is no more gunfire."

Kaidan slammed back against the crate and looked to Mira. "So, how do we get out of this with our hide intact?"

"Pray?" Mira shrugged, giving him a small smile.

The Sentinel snorted softly, "Still the same old Shepard. Can't be serious in the middle of a firefight."

"You are right there with me, Kaidan, every step of the way." Mira laughed.

"You corrupted me." Kaidan chuckled. He sighed then, realizing how much he had missed this, being in the thick of a battle with Mira, throwing barbs back and forth.

"SHEPARD!" A voice roared over the gunfire and from behind their attackers. Then the sound of a frag grenade echoed back to them.

Mira grinned, "The cavalry has arrived."

The crack of a sniper shot followed shortly afterwards, giving Mira hope. Even Kaidan couldn't mistake Garrus' sniper rifle and smiled. They turned back to the fight and let loose, biotics flaring along with gunshots. Mira dodged out of the cover and stormed out of the alley to the scarred visage of Zaeed, just as the last of Vido's henchmen fell dead at the Blue Suns leader's feet. He started to make a run for it but Mira's biotics picked him up, while Kaidan wrapped a stasis barrier around Vido.

"Ah, you wrapped up a present for me." Zaeed's cockney accent rumbled out roughly, half of his mouth grinning.

"Well, we had to break his toys first." Mira laughed.

"Cheeky woman." He nodded to Kaidan, remembering the man from Horizon. "Good to see you again, Commander. Thank you for keeping this stubborn woman's head on her body."

"Heh, it's a chore at times to keep it that way." Kaidan quipped, giving Mira a little wink.

"Ha! True enough!" Zaeed laughed. He stalked over to the imprisoned mercenary. "Well, well, well, bit off more than you can chew, eh, Vido?"

"Did you think I could let that bitch destroy everything I built?"

"Everything you built?" Zaeed growled. "You mean everything that I BUILT, you lying piece of shit! I helped Shepard destroy those bases and mines."

Vido's eyes glittered in fury at the former Blue Sun leader's confession. "You son of a bitch!"

"How do you think she found those rat holes?" Zaeed stalked around the held man. "This is my turn to do payback. However, you aren't worth my time."

"WHAT?" Vido snarled.

"What do you want to do with him?" Mira asked Zaeed.

"Oh, I think there are some who would enjoy a nice visit from him." A feral glint lighted in the scarred man's face. "I do believe there was still a sizable bounty by Eclipse that has yet to be collected. It would be enough to retire on."

Vido's eyes widened and he started to stammer. "Look…Zaeed…I could give you back the Blue Suns. I'll just leave with my shares and you can have your old group."

"Pfft, why would I want that bunch of whiners? They are barely worth the time and investment to train them properly."

"Why not just hand him over to Aria?" Mira suggested.

"Hmm, there is a thought. This is her town and you have made quite a bit of trouble for her. She would pay handsomely too." Zaeed tapped his mouth.

The mercenary leader paled more at the mention of the Asari crime-lord's name. Kaidan kept quiet, watching the routine between Mira and Zaeed. She was still the commander but she actually wasn't that stiff or stand offish anymore, relaxing more into the role and wearing her power easily. Kaidan was impressed that Mira had finally grown into the role, accepting what she is and letting others know. Since her revival, resurrection, whatever you wanted to call it, Mira had found a new level of control and power. He had to admit; he was fascinated and turned on. Kaidan's heart squeezed hard in his chest with want for the woman he had missed for two years. He could believe that Mira told Cerberus to fuck off.

"You said you wanted retirement, Zaeed?" Kaidan spoke. "The Council could give you that, along with a new identity, so old…friends wouldn't come calling. Mr. Santiago has quite the warrant list with the Council, too."

"Well, there are three options." Zaeed grinned widely, like a cat that ate the canary. He propped his rifle on his shoulder and got into Vido's face. "Now, it depends on how merciful I feel."

"Zaeed…" Vido swallowed, "Do not give me to Aria. She would kill me before I stepped in her presence."

"So would the Eclipse." Zaeed nodded.

"Then I think the Council would be a good choice." Mira agreed with Kaidan's choice. "We can transport him to the Citadel once the repairs are done. And well, hope I can get a cut of the reward so more work can be done on the _Normandy_."

"It's a good plan, Shepard." Kaidan nodded. "Besides, I think Anderson would like to know you are alive and well, and reported in on your status once in a while."

"I guess that's settled." Zaeed gave one more menacing stare at Vido and turned away. "Keep him in stasis until we get back to ship, Commander."

Their charge was safely locked up in one of the storage bays, Grunt keeping an eye on him. Zaeed scolded Mira for going off alone on Omega, fatherly concern showing in his voice. He muttered when he finished and cursed stubborn women as he stomped down the corridor. Mira sat back against one of the crates in the cargo bay and rubbed at her eyes, her vision slightly blurry from overuse of the biotics. She had more power now and better control, but it took more out of her than the old L3 implants. Raising her face, she noticed Kaidan watching her. "What?"

"You've changed." Kaidan said, though not angry or disappointed to find out the woman he loved had changed. He had too.

"So have you, Kaidan." Mira shot back, a smile quirking the corner of her mouth.

Kaidan frowned at the gray and black uniform Mira wore but took heart that the faint outline of a Cerberus patch had been ripped off the shoulder. "I'm happy you came back from the relay but what a suicidal plan, Mira!" Concern and disapproval laced his warm voice, as Kaidan folded his arms across his chest.

"And going after Saren was no less suicidal?" Mira quirked an eyebrow up, and spoke calmly. She thanked Samara for teaching her those calming meditations.

His mouth opened to retort and then snapped shut. "God, Mira, why didn't you tell anyone what you were going to do? You were off the grid for two weeks!"

"Who was going to listen or believe me?" Mira did snap, straightening herself up off the crate. "Since waking up, Kaidan, I have been slandered, abandoned, and kicked while I was down. Then I find myself trapped in a situation that played on my morals and duty to help those less fortunate, because I'm a fucking hero, an Alliance officer, and a Spectre. Oh, let's throw in an N7, while I'm at it. Cerberus used that to do a job that no one else was doing! What the fuck was going on for two years?"

Kaidan blinked at the flash of anger from Mira, not expecting it and never had truly seen it, he didn't know how to deal with it. "Doing what we could behind the Council's and Alliance's back." Kaidan ground his teeth. "Hackett and Anderson kept up the fight and worked behind the scenes. In fact, Anderson and I got hold of some paperwork regarding the Lazarus Project before we knew you were alive!" His voice rose in response, his own temper flaring. God, the woman exasperated him with her taking on the whole galaxy and not letting anyone help! "Damn it, Mira, we tried to do what we could!"

"Still thousands of our people were taken! You know we suspected something like this was happening before…before…" Mira choked, tears falling down her cheeks as the memory of the _Normandy SR1_ being torn apart flashed before her eyes. She angrily wiped at the tears then felt Kaidan's hands wrap them in his. The anger he showed was gone, replaced with a deep sorrow and pain. "I still clearly see that bear lying in the road, the smoke…I relive the _Normandy's_ destruction every night, Kaidan! For you, it was over two years ago but for me? It's been weeks!"

"Mira…" Kaidan said roughly."

"Then I wake up in a Cerberus lab, surrounded by the enemy that murdered Kohuku and those Marines on Akuze! I had no way to reach anyone! Thankfully Joker was there, and Chakwas. You can't understand what it is like to have your world turned upside down!" Mira cried out in anguish, letting all the pent up anger and grief out.

"I do understand." Kaidan responded quietly. "My world turned upside down when you didn't come back with Joker in the escape pod. Did Joker tell you what happened afterwards on Alchera?"

"N…no." Mira's eyes were that stormy grey that indicated great turmoil going on in her. Kaidan brought her hands to his lips and kissed the knuckles, resting his forehead on them briefly, happy to have his dream woman alive and in the flesh before him.

He took in a shaky breath and raised his eyes to hers, "I broke inside, Mira. I was so hurt and so angry, I blamed Joker for not saving you. I hit him, slammed his body against the pod, breaking several of his bones."

"Oh, god, Kaidan…"

"I didn't want to live as the one thing that was worth living for was taken away by a cruel twist of Fate." Kaidan's mouth twisted in a bitter smile. "When we got back to the Citadel on the _Hastings_, Anderson and Hackett tried to have me put on medical leave. The migraines came with blinding force every day and I found that I could drink myself to numbness so to not feel the pain. But I wanted to work, so I wouldn't think about you and what happened."

"Joker mentioned you two had drifted apart."

Kaidan laughed that bitter and ironic laugh again, "That is being kind. We hated each other for a while. We both withdrew and did our fair share of drinking. He would be tossed out of the bars, I would sit in the dark of my apartment. Anderson and Hackett wouldn't tell me what assignment I had to do, so I would stay holed up there for days. God, Mira, I felt your touch every night for months! I heard your laugh and soft whispers around every corner. I thought for sure I was finally going crazy because of the L2! I couldn't let you go, even when it was the year mark of the _Normandy's_ destruction and Joker bitched at me for not showing any public emotion toward your death. I…punched him in the mouth, not sorry for doing it at the time but later I did, after I sobered up." Kaidan paused, his eyes bright with held back tears. "So, yeah, I know, I understand, Mir. Don't ever think again that you are alone with this pain."

He rested his forehead against hers; the simple closeness with Mira was a soothing balm to a wounded heart. Mira slipped a hand out of his and behind his neck, caressing her fingers through the hair. Kaidan missed those little gestures so much it made his heart ache. "Come on, I'll buy you some coffee and a donut."

His dark gaze looked into Mira's blue-gray, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "You actually have donuts?"

"I keep my mess chef happy." Mira smiled. "He then gives us some special treats. Today, it's donuts."

Mira made to pull away but Kaidan stopped her, wrapping an arm around her waist. Leaning down, he tentatively kissed her, still needing to feel that Mira was real and in his arms. When her lips pressed back, Kaidan gave a small moan and pulled her in deeper, their mouths opening to each other. Their bodies flared blue and melded together, adding a deep thrumming through them. Needing to catch their breath, Mira and Kaidan parted their lips, though Kaidan nudged and nuzzled at Mira's cheek. "I've missed you, Mir."

"Same here, Kai."

-/*\-

Joker sat in the cockpit and watched the conversation. He felt a pang of jealousy run through him when they kissed, his hand curling on the armrest of his chair. Still, hearing what Kaidan told Shepard, made his own hurt and anger at the man lessen. They were once friends and Kaidan was genuinely sorry for what he did to Joker. Shit, Joker would have done the same if the situation were reversed. Sighing deeply, he shut off the feed and decided to get out of the pilot's chair and head down to the mess. It was going to be difficult, but Joker felt he owed Kaidan a huge apology.

But how was he going to go about it? Joker didn't apologize to people who pissed him off. The only one that he ever said sorry to was Shepard. Then there was the fact that the last time he crossed paths with Kaidan was at Flux on the one-year anniversary of Shepard's death. He was an ass, Joker knew it, and he egged Kaidan on to where he got that punch in the mouth and deservedly so.

The door to the elevator opened up on the crew deck and Joker slowly walked out. Peeking around the corner, he saw Shepard and Kaidan over by Gardner, accepting their coffee and deciding over cinnamon donuts or glazed. Damn, what was he going to say?

He hobbled slowly over and nodded to Gardner to get him a cup of coffee. Shepard looked over and smiled at the pilot. Joker's insides melted at her smile and he nearly lost his nerve to confront the darkly handsome Commander standing next to her, eyeing him with unreadable eyes. Kaidan had changed, Joker noted. The hair was still neat but not perfect anymore, and the five-o'clock shadow stood prominently on his face, lending the man a rakish air. Nevertheless, the guy exuded confidence and power, which made Joker's tongue stick to the roof of his mouth.

"Commander," Joker nodded to Shepard and then turned to Kaidan. "It's Commander now, right?"

"Yup." Kaidan answered.

"Congrats." Joker shuffled a little and took his coffee, standing there with the couple feeling like the odd man out. "Look, Alenko…couldn't help to overhear what you were saying to Shepard…"

"Still snooping in on conversations, I see." Kaidan's mouth twitched.

"I may be more mobile now but I still need my entertainment in the cockpit." Joker said snarkily.

"Was it entertaining then?" Kaidan's dark eyes hardened at Joker.

"Uh…what I'm trying to say…what you said and all…um, look, this isn't easy!" Joker said in exasperation. "I'm sorry, man. Sorry for being such an ass towards you and doubting that you didn't care about Shepard."

Kaidan blinked at the pilot, shocked by what he had said. Joker ducked his head and took a large gulp of hot coffee, nearly choking as it burned its way down his throat. When he felt Kaidan's hand on his shoulder, Joker wanted to shrug it off but Kaidan's grip tightened and made him look up.

"Apology accepted, Jeff. I'm sorry too, for what I've done. I realize that we both love Shepard and were hurting."

"If she didn't have to get me…" Joker looked over to Shepard, who smiled gently at him.

"Jeff," Shepard broke into the men's conversation. "it was my job to get my crew off the ship. Fate just happened to throw a wrench in things. Don't blame yourself anymore for my death. After all, I came back, better and badder than ever." Her mouth quirked into a grin that made Kaidan sigh and roll his eyes, and Joker grin back.

"Come on, Joker, grab a donut, and let's talk." Kaidan prodded him.

Joker's head spun from the surrealism of the moment and nodded dumbly. He snatched a glazed donut and joined Shepard and Kaidan at the table. The trio tentatively started talking about what happened with them over the past few months. Kaidan revealed more of what he had been up to for a year, which made him and Shepard gasp a bit. Joker grinned evilly at Hackett's machinations, liking the admiral even more.

-/*\-

Listening to Kaidan tell of his N-training made Mira remember her own back at the Academy. It wasn't an easy program and that Kaidan had made it through with flying colors and gained the seventh rank, made her grin. Though, why Kaidan was out here in the Terminus, still puzzled her and he didn't go into detail regarding that. Joker was smiling and fell back into the friendly banter with Kaidan again, like they had never been estranged.

Joker was called back to the cockpit and left Kaidan and Shepard alone again. "So, Staff Commander Alenko, want to tell me why you are here?"

Kaidan's eyes snapped at her, "To the point, eh, Shepard? I'd rather not discuss it here."

"Then let's go to my office." Mira drained the last of her coffee and stood up. She walked toward the elevator, not waiting for Kaidan to catch up. She knew he would be right there behind her. When they stepped inside, Mira leaned back against the wall.

She didn't invite any conversation and Kaidan didn't initiate any. They stood in silence, the little bit of distance between them was strained now with the sudden shift to business. The elevator opened up to the small landing area of her quarters. Mira pressed the button to the doors and walked in. She watched Kaidan as he entered, his eyes roaming around her quarters, taking in the fish tank, ship models, his eyes lingering a little on her bed. She stood at her desk and waited.

As he stepped up to her, the motion set off the picture frame on her desk, revealing his picture. His mouth twitched. "Not one of my best photos."

"It was all that could be found." Mira gave a small smile. She had to tilt her head up to look at Kaidan, her heart quickening as she inhaled his spicy scent. She had to remain focused, despite wanting to run her hands under his shirt and across his skin. "Why are you here, Kaidan?"

He looked down at her, the serious set to his mouth signaling her that she wasn't going to like what he had to say. However, Mira was prepared. "Anderson wants a sitrep but I think now, you can give that in person since we are going to the Citadel to turn over Santiago. However, there was something else he mentioned which I can't grasp. He told me to tell you that the wolves are nipping at your heels?"

Mira's soft intake of breath made Kaidan stare intently at her. "This confirms what I have found out through some special sources. Alliance IA is gaining ground."

"Hackett had said they are pursuing a case after you and he is doing everything he can to put them off. He's watching out for you, for me too."

"Why?"

"IA is starting to question my time on the _Normandy_ and my relationship with you."

"Oh, shit." Mira hissed. "I don't need this when a greater threat is out there!" Mira turned her face away but Kaidan put his hand under her chin and turned it back to look into her eyes.

"That is why I'm here, to get away from IA's agents and to help you."

"But being here is just going to put you in the thick of things! I have no doubt Cerberus will start hunting us down because well, I stole the _Normandy_."

"Not to mention the investment they put into bringing you back, Mira. You know once you step back into Alliance space, you will be escorted to the nearest brig."

"They don't have any charges!" Mira cried softly.

"They believe treason and fraternizing with the enemy is enough to warrant capture." Kaidan's thumb smoothed away the downward turn of her mouth. "They can charge Joker and Chakwas for desertion."

"Damn. I don't need this shit."

"What is your next move after destroying the Collectors base?"

"I…don't know. We got some pieces of intelligence about the reaper Harbinger, the one that was communicating with Saren, and that we should expect them soon. There is no definite timetable and no way to know where and how they are going to get here from dark space. Liara is looking into everything possible to find some little piece of the puzzle."

"Liara?" Kaidan's eyes hardened.

"She's an information broker now, Kaidan."

"That doesn't make me trust her any less. Look, first, talk with Anderson, get the Normandy's repairs done, and we will take it from there."

"Are you inviting yourself along, Commander Alenko?" Mira's lips curved upward.

"That is Spectre to you and yes, I'm coming with you." Kaidan answered her smile with an intense look.

"My, we have become the demanding and commanding one." Mira teased lightly.

He leaned closer to her mouth, his lips nearly brushing hers. "Well, I _am_ your superior officer, Lieutenant Commander." Kaidan gently teased at Mira's lips, having her lean into the kiss more, aching for more of his touch after being apart for so long. He paused for a moment, his breath hot across Mira's mouth. "Not that I will hold that against you, Shepard."

Mira's body trembled with intense emotion, her hand sliding up Kaidan's arm and shoulder, caressing at the exposed skin above his uniform collar and across his jaw. "This is my ship, Alenko, and thus the commanding officer." Her voice told him, thickened with held want for the man before her.

"I wouldn't dare question your orders on your ship, ma'am." Kaidan's voice was raspy and low, sending shivers down Mira's body. His hand slid along her jaw and took a hold in her hair at the neck. Kaidan captured Mira's mouth, exploring, loving and possessive. He claimed the woman he longed and grieved for so long.

As much as she wanted Kaidan's mouth on her, to taste it endlessly and have it sear over her skin, Mira got enough self-control and pulled away from him, panting a little at the overwhelming kiss. Kaidan looked questionably at her, slight hurt in his eyes. "Kaidan, I want nothing more than to feel your touch again but…are you ready for this?"

"Damn it, Mira!" Kaidan choked out, pulling back more from her and running his hands through his hair. "Since Horizon I have dreamt of your touch and loving you until I woke up aching! I went through hell to find a way back to your side and give you the support and help you need!"

Mira lowered her head, her heart aching as she heard the pent up emotion and anxiety in Kaidan. She stood up from her desk and walked past Kaidan and down to the living area of her quarters, stopping at the aquarium. The water plants swayed lazily in the generated currents. "I just don't want this to be a mistake and done because of a memory of what we once shared." She wrapped her arms around herself.

Kaidan stalked down the little set of steps and turned Mira around to look at her. His fingers searched around her neck and brought out the chain that held his dog tag. "I didn't wait for you for over ten years to just forget what we have, Mir." His voice was thick as he brought up the tag so she saw it. "I didn't give this to you on Horizon because it was a token of what we had. We still have this!" Grabbing her hand, Kaidan placed the tag in Mira's palm and close her fingers around it, wrapping his own hands around them. "Yes, I was upset and angry by what I thought of you turning your back on me by being with Cerberus. But then, I think I know you pretty well from over the years to know better. I would damn the regulations again to be with you!"

"We might not make it through this thing with the Reapers." Mira's lips trembled.

"No, we might not but you need me, Mir." Kaidan rested his head against hers. "I need you. We are stronger together than fighting against each other."

"And if IA catches up to you?"

"Then we will deal with that when it happens. I'm not ashamed of throwing the regs out to be with you that night before reaching Ilos. I won't lie to them, even if it means that I lose my commission and get dishonorably discharged. It doesn't matter if you are not there at my side."

"God, you should run for the Parliament." Mira giggled.

Kaidan sighed and then gave a little chuckle. "I curse my mother for coming out at these times. Where do you get your smart mouth?"

"The Major." Mira grinned.

"Your father was a very complicated man, just like his daughter." Kaidan looked into Mira's blue eyes, the blue light from the aquarium adding to its brilliant and stormy depths. "I love you, Mira, that hasn't changed, even when I was ready to move on with my life. I am here, for you, for us. This," he shook their clasped hand and brought it to his chest where their combined tags and St. Valentine rested on his chest, "is what I'm fighting for."

"It hasn't been an easy road for us."

"No, it hasn't but it's worth it."

"Yes, it is." Mira smiled with that personal smile that was just for Kaidan, which made him weak in his knees and his heart pound. She brought his mouth to hers and kissed Kaidan, pouring all the love she felt for the man through her lips.


	26. Chapter 25 Getting to Know YouAgain

Chapter 25: Getting to Know you...Again

A/N: Be prepared for a beast of a chapter but it is all good! Also, some tear jerker parts, so have the box of kleenex nearby. Sry, no smexy loving yet with these two.

Kaidan woke up, his back and neck stiff, protesting the position it was in. Moaning, he slowly blinked his eyes open to the dimly lit room, first seeing the reflection of the blue light from the aquarium before him. Panic hit him first as his hand slid down the side of the cushions he rested on and hit the floor. Shepard. Where was she? Did he dream that last night happened? He rolled his body to an upright position and raked his hands through the thick dark hair, then over the day's growth on his face. Sighing, Kaidan opened his eyes more and took note of the room, seeing the neatly made bed, the little table that held Mira's old helmet from the first Normandy, and lastly, the bottle of whiskey and glasses on the coffee table in front of the couch.

Two glasses…a drabble of whiskey left in the bottle…the couch cushions slightly askance from being laid on. No, it was real and as he took a deep breath, Kaidan could still smell Mira's scent lingering on him. It brought a soft smile to his face. God, he missed her and just seeing Mira on Omega evading the Blue Suns and throwing out warps left and right, had Kaidan's own energy and body buzzing in sync. Still, her sudden switch to Commander-mode took his breath away, leaving him reeling. Kaidan lay back on the cushions and closed his eyes, thinking back on what transpired last night.

_He fell into her kiss, answering the love and want from her eagerly. His mind and body was crying out in joy, feeling alive again after being asleep for two years. Kaidan sank his hands into Mira's shoulder length hair, entangling fingers in the soft brown tresses. He pressed Mira against the aquarium, mouth delving deeply in hers, tasting the woman of his dreams in person instead of a memory. _

God, she's here and truly alive! You don't know how much I have missed you, Mira, and missed 'us'._ Tears ran down Kaidan's cheeks as he started to pull back from Mira's lips, resting his forehead against hers but never having his mouth a breath's reach away from her. The feel of Mira's fingers wiping at the tears on his cheeks made Kaidan's heart wrench painfully with so many emotions crashing down on him at once. He was happy, and yet sad. Love, want, and need, all fought with each other. Under it all, was a simmering anger. Anger at Mira for leaving and dying on him, for telling him to go and help the crew when he should have been at her side to get Joker, mostly anger at himself for being a good soldier and following his commander's orders instead of making sure she was safe in an escape pod. _

_His jaw clenched under Mira's fingers and he felt her lips press against his gently. "Want to talk?" she asked him quietly. Damn her, Kaidan thought. She had a way to get under his skin and know what he was feeling._

"_I think we should, Mir." Kaidan responded hoarsely. He wanted to pull her over to the bed and love her madly but then he wanted to yell at her, tell her what she had put him through for two years! Those first few months after her death and the service were hell for him. Kaidan loosened his fingers from her hair, brushing them over Mira's cheeks while pulling away from her._

"_Have a seat, Kai. I'll get us something to drink." Her blue-gray eyes watched him as Kaidan turned toward the L-shaped couch and took a seat at the end, so he could watch Mira as she walked back up to the loft of her cabin._

_He could hear a cabinet door opening and the clink of glass. Mira walked back around and down the stairs, a bottle, and two tumblers in hand. Setting these down on the coffee table, she opened up the whiskey bottle and poured a generous amount in each tumbler. Mira handed one to Kaidan, he nodded thanks to her and waited. As she sat down, kicking her feet up to the edge of the table, Mira stared at the tank of water across the room. Kaidan sat there admiring Mira's straight nose and the little dip between the points of her upper lip, all the way down to the strong, stubborn chin. It was a strong profile and one that quietly stated checked power. The little break in the controlled features was when Mira nibbled at the lower lip, as she tended to do when she was thinking. _

_Kaidan had to hand it to Cerberus. They rebuilt her exactly as she was, minus the scars that Mira had at her left eyebrow and the corner of lip. Those scars were what he loved the most. It made Mira less of a perfect soldier. She turned to him, staring intently into Kaidan's dark eyes. "I am not going to pretend to know what you went through, Kaidan, but I will try and understand. Try to understand my perspective too, that my life since waking up hasn't been my own."_

_He nodded, turning his body towards her and resting his arm on the back of the couch, behind Mira's shoulders. "I will try to understand, Mira. So help me, I do want to." Kaidan rasped._

_She raised her glass to his and gave a tremulous smile, "To new beginnings then, Kaidan."_

"_To a new beginning for us." They clinked glasses and shot back the liquor in one shot. Liquid courage, Kaidan's father would say regarding drinking whiskey. It is good for what ails you and for loosening tight lips. Right now, for both of them, loosening their lips was needed. _

Their conversation had gotten quite heavy and a lot was said and eventually worked out. Of course, between him and Mira, they decimated that bottle of whiskey. The resulting headache that was coming on now, was worth it, Kaidan thought. Slowly getting up, Kaidan groaned at the stiff muscles and the wooliness of his head. Carefully, he reached down to the floor where his ACU shirt and tank were tossed. His pants hugged at his hips as Kaidan kneeled down, reaching for the boots pushed under the table. The soft clanking of the open belt buckle against buttons, made him chuckle.

The ending of their night was entertaining, with both of them drunk and tearing at each other's clothes. Kaidan grunted as he snagged the second boot and plopped back onto the couch. Looking down, a grin spread on his face at the undone belt and open waist of his pants. Shaking out the tank, Kaidan slipped it over his head and smoothed it down his torso. He looked over at the folded ACU shirt, the dark gray material with the Commander's bars embroidered on the collar glaring back at him. He had to remind himself to thank Mira for putting in his promotion. Even with the Spectre status, Kaidan, like Mira, still wore their Alliance uniform. It was acceptable, as the Turian Spectres often kept their military uniforms while serving. Speaking of uniforms, a small frown crossed Kaidan's face as he thought about the Cerberus gray and black casual dress Mira wore. Even though she tore off the patches, the color was all wrong.

"I think we need to rectify that." Kaidan muttered under his breath. He proceeded to push his feet into the boots, lacing them tightly and stood up. The world swam a little as he got up a little too fast. Grabbing the gray uniform shirt, Kaidan headed toward the small bathroom Mira had in her cabin. When he entered, Kaidan was surprised to see a razor, hairbrush, hair pomade and a toothbrush, waiting to the left of the sink for him. He smiled wider, giving a small chuckle at the woman he adored. It was a subtle way of her telling him to get cleaned up and presentable. On the little shelf above the sink sat a couple of tablets.

"Mir, you are a goddess!" Kaidan laughed, popping the painkillers into his mouth and swallowed.

-/*\-

"So, the repair crew is done and off the Normandy?" Mira glared at the dock master.

"Yeah, for the dozenth time. Aria took care of the bill so long as you leave as soon as you can and don't come back for a long time." The grizzled man growled at Mira.

"Good, I hope to not see Omega for a very LONG time!" Mira smiled. Nodding over to Grunt, she turned to leave the man's office, krogan in tow.

"He deserved to be punched." Grunt huffed.

"That may be but I don't want to have Aria take back her generosity and then add damages on top of that. Then we will never leave Omega with our pockets intact."

Grunt shrugged, "If you say so. That is why you are the battlemaster."

She took long strides away from the main docking hub and toward the Normandy's berth. The sooner they could leave this cesspool, the better. In addition, less chance for any Cerberus agents to find them and try to sabotage the _Normandy_, or worse. Plus, the sooner she could offload Vido Santiago to the Citadel Security, the happier she would be.

As they strode up to the hatch, Mira smiled to see a man leaning on the open hatchway, waiting for her. He cleaned up nicely, face smooth and fresh, hair brushed and neat, no stubborn flyaway strands falling into his eyes, and most of all, the content look in his eyes made Mira's heart thump joyfully. Grunt snorted and brushed past Kaidan to enter the Normandy.

"He doesn't like me much, I think."

"Grunt? He doesn't like anyone much, except me." Mira chuckled. "He's not Wrex but once you get to know him, Grunt is lovable."

"Are we ready to blow this joint?" Kaidan asked.

"Oh , hell yes!" Mira let out a jubilant gust of air. "Joker!" She called out to the cockpit as her feet stepped onboard, "Pop the clamps and get us the hell out of here and to the Citadel."

"You don't have to tell me twice, Commander!" Joker said in excitement, his fingers already getting the clearances to leave and maneuvering the _Normandy_ away from Omega's docks.

Mira took her usual spot behind Joker, watching the pilot fly the _Normandy_ out into space. Kaidan stood at her left shoulder, closer than he would have done if it were the SR1. Mira had to smile to herself knowing that the familiar and comfortable presence of Kaidan was there. She had missed him badly during the time she was running around for Cerberus. The talk they had last night had helped her tremendously, feeling as though a weight was lifted off her shoulders since waking up at Lazarus Station.

"Ready to jump in 5…4…3…2…1." Joker intoned as the swirling energy of the mass relay greeted the viewport. The brief millisecond of time hung in the air as the ship gathered the energy, seemed to stretch for a brief moment and then shot off through the stars.

Before they knew it, they were dumped out of hyperspace into the next system. There was still two more relay jumps before reaching the Citadel. Mira patted Joker's shoulder and turned around to leave the cockpit. She looked to Kaidan, giving him a _come along_ gesture.

"Since you insist in coming along for the ride, Mr. Alenko, I think some introductions to the crew are needed. You don't need to worry about anyone still loyal to Cerberus." Her eyes looked at him but he remained neutral in his mask. "Everyone here is loyal to me."

"You have a way with people, Shepard, to make us want to follow you to hell and come back with postcards and t-shirts."

"Oh, we have become a joker now?" Mira grinned.

"I found my sense of humor again…ma'am." Kaidan paused on the latter, giving Mira a wink and impish lift of the corner of his mouth.

Quietly, as an aside to Kaidan, "It is good to have you here, Kaidan."

His eyes looked deeply at her, warmth filling them, "It is good to be here, Mira." Kaidan replied just as quietly.

Mira introduced Kaidan to Kelly first, dreading the young woman's over-friendliness upon meeting Kaidan. The girl had a way of coming on to any person she found attractive. However, Kelly surprised her, being polite and welcoming Kaidan to the _Normandy_. No innuendos or batting of eyes at the dark and handsome Alliance Marine and Spectre was given. Truly, the time spent on the Collectors Base had subdued the young woman.

Everyone welcomed Kaidan and shared a few lines of conversation with the man. Jacob saluted Kaidan and enthusiastically welcomed the man. Mira had hopes for Jacob, that he might get reinstated. It was on her to do list when going to see Anderson. She was still unsure of what to do in funding the ship and paying the crew. Mira's accounts were still frozen from the time of her death and while Bailey helped reinstate her status, dealing with finances was an endless circle of red tape. Miranda assured her that she had transferred Mira's funds from Cerberus into a private account through the Citadel bank.

Lastly, in the crew mess, Garrus, Chakwas and Tali were assembled in the same area. Tali bounded up to Kaidan and gave him a great hug. Kaidan awkwardly returned her hug and then embraced the doctor.

"It is good to see you, Kaidan." Chakwas said warmly.

"Same here, doctor." Kaidan looked at her in concern. "Thank you for taking care of Shepard and Joker. I wish you had left a forwarding address."

Chakwas laughed softly, "The move was rather…sudden."

"Mars was boring her, Kaidan." Mira chuckled. "The _Normandy_ is her home and can you think of her being anywhere else?"

He eyed Mira, a sharp edge in his glance before turning back to the doctor. "Anderson had tried to reach you but your replacement had said you had left with little notice."

"Despite that you think I may have been lulled to serving Cerberus, Kaidan, it isn't so. I made it quite clear at the start that I am here for Shepard, and in respect, Joker. I'm loyal to Shepard only." Chakwas's voice grew firm in that usual stern matronly way she had cowed the old crew. Kaidan ducked his head a little at the tone, stammering an apology.

The little reunion of the old Normandy crew settled in as they sat at the table and Gardner provided coffee and cookies. Mira had one hand wrapped around her mug of coffee and the other under the table, fingers wrapped through Kaidan's. They stole quick glances at each other through the story telling of the missions over the past six months. Garrus related his time as Archangel, which made Kaidan's eyebrows rise in surprise. Mira smiled behind her coffee as Kaidan took in the adventures of the _Normandy SR2_. Some parts he shook his head in disbelief and other parts, he would give her a stern look when it was a part of where she risked her life recklessly.

"You know, with Cerberus bringing you back, they could have instilled some sense in you." Kaidan quipped lightly.

"Where is the fun in that?" Mira laughed.

"She wouldn't be Shepard if she wasn't out front throwing biotics left and right." Garrus huffed a laugh.

"Keelah, Kaidan, you know her. She would do anything for any of us!" Tali leaned forward.

He sighed deeply, "You're right about that, Tali. That is what makes Shepard special."

Mira ducked her head, "Now you are embarrassing me." Her cheeks tinged with a bit of pink from the adoration around the table.

"Well, I better get back to those calibrations." Garrus intoned.

"Again?" Mira asked.

"Those repair crews from Omega screwed them up!" he growled and took his leave.

"I have to agree with Garrus," Tali nodded. "They patched the ship up but they are quick and dirty fixes. There is an off reading with the engines that my diagnostic should have completed by now." Tali got up too and paused before leaving. "Kaidan, I'm glad you are here. I have never seen Shepard smile so much in these last few months than she had since your arrival."

Chakwas looked at the couple and shook her head. "You knew what you were doing since the first day you saw Shepard step aboard the _Normandy_." The woman accused Kaidan.

"I don't know what you are talking about, doctor." Kaidan feigned innocence, only to be punched in the arm by Mira. He winced and grinned at her.

"I'm not against you two," Chakwas explained. "In fact, you complement each other and the fact that Shepard is smiling again speaks well. Especially during this huge task we are undertaking."

"All I can say is that I am relieved that you quit working with Cerberus." Kaidan told Mira.

"I may have told the Illusive Man to kiss off but I don't think we have seen the last of him. I can guarantee that eventually, he will send someone to take or kill his investments." Mira sobered suddenly.

"So, keep one step ahead of him."

"I plan to but I only have so much money to keep this ship running, Kaidan. Hackett's assignments have helped but they are few and far between."

Kaidan squeezed her hand as he looked at Mira seriously. "Don't worry, we will find a way to keep the Normandy flying."

"Are you staying, Kaidan?" Chakwas asked.

"As long as I'm needed and Mira will have me. Being a Spectre now, I can go anywhere where I feel my services are needed. There is still the Reaper threat to contend with."

"Indeed," Chakwas sighed heavily. She drained her coffee and got up from the table, excusing herself from the couple.

The mess was quiet as Gardner was off doing some maintenance somewhere, Chakwas went into the medbay and left Mira and Kaidan alone. Kaidan lifted her clasped hand and brought it to his lips, settling a soft kiss on her knuckles. "You don't mind having a passenger, I hope?"

Mira chuckled, "Passenger? I'm going to put you to work, Commander Alenko."

His voice dropped lower, "Do I have to find a bunk?"

"Oh, I was thinking that you and Joker could share." Mira's eyes sparkled in mirth as she leaned into Kaidan. "No, you don't need to find a bunk, Kaidan…of course, that is…if you want…" Mira stuttered a little, uncertain if Kaidan would accept the offer of sharing her cabin. After the much-needed talk last night, their relationship was shaky, even though there was no denying their love for each other. Each of them had their own demons to deal with and Mira didn't want to presume that Kaidan would stay with her.

Kaidan lifted her chin to look in her eyes softly, "Mir, I want you to be comfortable with having me here. I have no problem sharing the loft with you. I lost you once and I don't want to go through another lonely night without you." His voice choked with emotion. Kaidan pressed his lips to Mira's, a sweet, loving kiss that demanded nothing in return.

"_Commander, approaching the Serpent Relay."_ Joker interrupted, just like old times whenever Kaidan and Mira got close.

"He's a sadist." Kaidan growled into Mira's lips.

Mira chuckled, "Just like old times."

-/*\-

David Anderson, the first human Councilor to the galactic Council, stood at the railing of his office, watching the finely dressed aliens and humans walking down the Presidium. Many things weighed on his mind, one being Shepard. Alliance tower control informed him that the Normandy arrived in Citadel space. Shortly after that, Shepard contacted him to arrange a meeting. He was happy that she was safe and still living. Kaidan had gotten to her in time on Omega and was joining her for the meeting. It was going to be a rather long and interesting debriefing but David was looking forward to it.

As it was, he needed a break from the trade negotiations that had just started with the elcor. Just the welcoming of the parties involved took a full day. Rubbing his hands down his face, David turned away from the view and walked back to the center of the office space, pouring out three cups of coffee. The door chimed a couple of minutes later, opening to let in Shepard and Kaidan. Shepard was in a customized set of Onyx armor that had the notable N7 stripe down the right arm. The shoulder-length brown hair was tucked behind her ears and David noticed that she held an air of power and inner-peace. It was different from when he last saw her after visiting him from coming back from Horizon. Kaidan stood at her side, in his gray ACUs, a half-smile on his face.

Their girl has come home but David was afraid it was short lived because Alliance IA was actively pursuing the detainment of Shepard, regardless of Hackett's block. He held his arms out to envelop the woman who he thought of his friend and daughter. "Welcome back, Shepard." David rumbled.

"Thank you, Captain." She used his old rank instead of Councilor.

"I'm sure you have quite the debriefing to give about the Collectors and Cerberus."

"Oh, you could say that but there is a special delivery being brought for the Council. We captured the leader of the Blue Suns on Omega when he tried to gun me down."

"He didn't succeed." Kaidan's mouth quirked in a lopsided grin.

"Well, they will be happy about that!" David chuckled. "This will go a ways to proving your good intentions and that you are still doing the job of a Spectre."

Mira's smile dimmed, which David could understand why. The Council had given her little hope or support since her return, despite his own arguments in standing behind Shepard. The reports coming from the Terminus systems kept informing them of Shepard's exploits, whether it angered mercenaries or were words of praise for the Hero of the Citadel.

"You certainly have been keeping busy, Shepard. The Council is always hearing about some tragedy of some such coming from the Terminus that has been averted by a dead Spectre."

"They wanted me to stay out there so I did what I always do, help people." Mira shrugged. "Provided, it didn't interfere with Cerberus' goals."

"Of course. So you are done with them?" David asked hopefully.

"Oh, yes. After destroying the Collector Base, where the Illusive Man had wanted to keep it, I told him in so many words to kiss my ass."

"More to the point, sir, Shepard told the Illusive Man to fuck off and stay out of her way." Kaidan chuckled. "Joker showed me the vid on her conversation with the man."

David laughed, "I would have loved to see that!" He motioned for his two best officers to take a seat and help themselves to the coffee. He took his seat and looked over Mira, noting what the past few months have done for her.

"Captain, sir," Mira started and brought out a datapad, handing it to him. "After the destruction of the Collector Base, we got this intel about the Reapers. They are coming, no doubt of that. The one who calls itself Harbinger seems to be the one leading the invasion. There are schematics of, I guess, of a Reaper. Tali couldn't make much sense of it in the short time she has had the information."

"Do you know when and where?" David asked, tapping the datapad lightly against the tabletop.

Mira shook her head, "No, nothing definite. However…there seems to be some reference in there to the Leviathan of Dis. In my debriefing, I will be going over some other information about another derelict Reaper we came across to get the IFF to go through the Omega 4 relay."

"Damn." David said softly, the feeling of dread settling around his shoulders. "Start from the beginning, Mira."

He sat back in his chair and listened to Mira's retelling of the _Normandy's_ missions.

-/*\-

Two hours later, Kaidan and Mira left Anderson's office. To be able to say everything to her mentor and friend was a huge relief. More of the weight of the galaxy was lifted off Mira's shoulders. Anderson promised her that he would do what he can. He was stuck at the time being, dealing with trade negotiations. Mira felt some remorse for his diplomatic duties, when she knew Anderson wanted to be pounding the dirt again. You can take the man out of the Marines but can't take the Marines out of the man, so the traditional saying went.

She was lost in thought that Mira didn't notice that Kaidan's pace slowed and he had fallen behind. When Mira looked around, she spotted him standing at the balcony by the markets from the Presidium, where they first observed the enormity of the Citadel what was a lifetime ago. Mira walked over to Kaidan's side and looked out over the expanse of the ward arms.

"Big place." Mira said.

Kaidan chuckled and put his arm around her, pressing Mira to his side. "Quite descriptive, wasn't I?"

"I understand, you were at a loss for words. I do seem to remember that you also flirted with a certain commander."

He looked into her eyes, smiling, "Did I? I think there was a slip up of words."

"Uh huh, hmm, something like 'who wouldn't like you?' after a statement about Earth's movies, vacation spots and love."

"I seem to recall saying something like that." Kaidan muttered. He turned toward her, looking into her eyes with an unreadable expression.

"What?" Mira asked Kaidan.

"I realized we did things a little backwards. We had the flirting, the innuendos, and the first night together and meeting the parents but we never had one date."

"We did skip over that part." Mira agreed

"It's time to fix that. Mira, would you join me for dinner tonight?" Kaidan asked.

"Where at?"

Kaidan gave Mira a mischievous smile, "Let me take care of that. Be at my apartment at 2100 hours, and wear something nice." Leaning in, he gave Mira a quick passionate kiss, his fingers brushing at her cheek. "I got a few things to take care of. I will see you later."

"But…"Mira started as Kaidan started to walk away, "where IS your apartment?"

"The Vancouver, suite 7B." Kaidan called back and disappeared into the crowd.

Mira looked after the man in a daze. Kaidan had asked for a date and just like that, was off doing whatever preparations or such. Checking the time on her chronometer, Mira shook her head at the time. It was already 1900 hours and Kaidan said dress nice. What, armor wasn't nice? Giving a soft snort to herself, Mira discarded that silly notion. Kasumi could help her, as she did provide that black dress to Mira for the job on Beckenstein.

-2058 hours—

She smoothed down the front of the dress while standing before Kaidan's door. Kasumi and she did a quick shopping trip for the latest style of dress. Mira was set to go with a pantsuit but the thief tsk'd at her and said dress sexy. The material was clingy but draped well on Mira's lithe form. The pewter color set off the gray in Mira's eyes. What drew men's attention as she had walked past, besides her well-formed legs strapped into a set of heels, was the drape of material going down her back, accentuated with a drop necklace that slithered down her spine and had a crystal pendant rest at the small of her back.

Mira bit at her lower lip, her face itching a little from the make-up applied to it. It had been years since she had worn anything other than lip-gloss. Pressing her finger to the door chime, Mira didn't need to wait long as the door opened, Kaidan pausing as he looked at her, dumbstruck.

The man before her cleaned up nicely, letting his hair droop into his eyes and the full thick body of the waves showing in the soft lighting of the apartment behind him. The banded collar shirt was open to the third button, giving Mira a pleasant glimpse of Kaidan's toned chest. The creamy color set off the olive tone to his skin, which made Mira's lips twitch up in appreciation.

"Um..." Kaidan opened his mouth but couldn't say anything.

"I believe that is the third time I struck you speechless since I've known you." Mira teased.

His mouth twitched as he stepped aside and motioned for Mira to enter. The wonderful smell of dinner hit her nose. If Mira could take a guess, Kaidan had made pan seared salmon, which he cooked for her on shore leave after Saren's defeat. Mira felt a tug on the necklace that pulled her back to Kaidan, his body pressing gently at her back. The chain wove through his fingers, a wicked gleam in his eyes. His free hand brushed Mira's hair aside from the back of her neck, exposing the sensitive skin to his lips. The tingle that shot down her spine made her skin bump.

"Nice choice of attire." Kaidan rasped into her ear. His hand caressed down the exposed spine, sending another shiver down her body. Letting the chain of the necklace drop back against her back, Kaidan moved away and headed back to the kitchen.

Mira's cheeks felt hot and she had to stand for a moment to collect herself. Kaidan always had a way to undo her self-control and even distract her from whatever mission was on hand. However, she knew she did the same to him. Moving further into the modest apartment, Mira wandered around to look over the place. There wasn't much in the way of personal effects except for a framed picture of her on the desk. It wasn't one of the official photos or a vid still but a picture taken at Kaidan's family cabin up in Vancouver. The profile of her wrapped in Kaidan's sweater and overlooking the lake in the early morning light, brought a flood of memories of their short time together before the first _Normandy's_ demise.

Tears slid silently down her face at the lost time she faced. Arms slid around Mira, turning her to face him. "Hey, none of that." He whispered, hands cupping her face and thumbs wiping at the wetness staining her cheeks.

"I can't help it." Mira sniffled. "It feels like only months ago since we were at the cabin, Kaidan. I remember the morning you took this picture! The fog was whisping off the water and frost covered the ground."

"I remember that morning vividly, Mir. Your playing on the piano in the sun room still haunts my dreams. Overhearing the conversation you were having with my father, still plays in my mind." Kaidan searched Mira's eyes, giving her a soft comforting smile. "The years may have dulled the pain of losing you but it didn't make the memories of us fade."

"God, I didn't want to cry tonight!" Mira laughed halfheartedly, raising her hands to wipe the rest of the tears from her face, being careful not to smudge the makeup. Kaidan just took her hands, kissing each fingertip, and then kissing her forehead, the tip of the nose and lastly, her mouth.

"Come on, dinner is ready." Kaidan broke of the kiss breathlessly, lest they would never make it dinner.

Grabbing the glasses of wine from the table, Kaidan and Mira headed to the living area of the apartment. It was a modest sized place and Mira knew that it must cost Kaidan plenty to keep up the lease. Thankfully, the Alliance helped with some of the housing cost for its soldiers who are not stationed on a ship. The window in the living area looked out onto the multicolored expanse of the Citadel ward arms and the traffic of incoming and outgoing ships. While Kaidan wasn't flying through space, he still had it with him when at home.

"How's your father?" Mira asked, as Kaidan took her hand and brought her down to sit next to him on the couch.

"Doing well. Remember me telling you about his lady friend in Vancouver that he would visit once or twice a week? Well, he asked her to marry him." Kaidan smiled.

"Good for him!" Mira laughed. "One bachelor down in the Alenko household."

Kaidan chuckled low in his throat, settling back into the couch, bringing Mira into his arms. She rested back against him, enjoying the simple closeness of being with the man she had known off and on for over ten years. The fact they could sit there and not have to fill the empty space with talk, spoke a lot about their friendship and love. Just being in each other's company was enough.

"This feels so right, Mira." Kaidan rumbled, his fingers started to play through her hair.

"It does. This is the first time I have felt at peace in months."

"You did have a hard time but the time with Cerberus is done and you are back with those who love you."

"Now to just find a way to stop the Reapers, all would be right again in the galaxy." She sighed a heavy sigh.

"Shhh, no shop talk tonight, please. I want this to be just for us. God knows when the next quiet moment we'll have be."

Mira looked back into Kaidan's eyes and smiled. "Alright, no shop talk. Tell me more about this upcoming marriage of father then. And, have you stayed in contact with my mother?"

"Yes. Ever since news of your return, I have been sending her updates of what we get to her. She wishes to see you. Hannah didn't care so much that you were trapped working with Cerberus, just that her only child was alive."

"I miss her. I always do whenever I've been away on assignments. I miss the Major, too." Mira sighed. "Generally, I miss having family around."

"What am I then?" Kaidan teased.

With a sudden movement, Mira sat up and turned herself around on the couch, the mid-thigh dress hiking up to her hips as she straddled Kaidan's lap. He laid his hands along the exposed skin of her thighs, fingers caressing. Mira looked down on him, her eyes smoldering with want. "You, Kaidan Alenko, are my best friend, my confidant, my conscience at times, the man I love deeply." Leaning down, Mira kissed Kaidan softly and pulled back a little. "You are my family, too. You were the last thought in my mind when my suit was losing integrity. You were the first thought when I woke up in that damn lab. I couldn't have made it with my sanity intact if I didn't have the hope of seeing you again. I hated the argument we had on Horizon but I understand where you were coming from. Trust me, I was railing inside every single day spent working with that group!"

"Mira…" Kaidan started hoarsely, cupping his hand to her face.

"Please, listen, Kai. You have felt the edge of my control on Horizon and I know that frightened you. Shit, I was scared and alone, and out of control. I haven't been out of control since Garrett's death! But you," she kissed him, "still wearing my gift close to your heart and once again giving me a piece of you, gave me hope. Kept my sanity in check for all those months when I wanted to find some way to contact you. I was so angry but no one ever knew. If it wasn't for Samara showing me how to regain control of the implants, I would have burned out."

"I'm glad she helped you, Mira." Kaidan responded quietly. When Mira made to speak again, Kaidan laid a finger on her lips. "Now, your turn to listen to me. I am no longer angry with you for not contacting me. I get why you couldn't but that also spurred me on to do things I have held myself back on. In a way, I didn't want to be in your shadow anymore, Mir." When she made to protest, Kaidan tapped her lips with his finger. "Hush! I was enthralled with you since the first time I saw you at the Academy. I was jealous of Garrett because he was the one that had you, not me. I was too afraid of what I could do that I closed myself off from getting intimate with anyone, especially after Rahna. Hearing of your exploits over the years had me both cheering for you but also making me feel like why a woman would like that ever want to be with me. I'm a freak L2 that somehow has managed not to go crazy. I have always been methodical, careful, planning my every move, leaving a way out and ignoring instinct. Yes, I've gotten my own commendations through the years but you, my Commander Shepard, made me a better man." Kaidan gave a small chuckle.

"We are very much alike in a lot of ways but you push, where I hang back. And you…you pushed at me, prodded, and against my better judgment, opened me up to the potential I held back but also that I could be human and love again. I desperately wanted to crawl back behind that wall after your death, Mir. Your voice and touch kept haunting me telling me not to give up on life. Of course, Hackett and Anderson prodded too." Kaidan chuckled, making Mira smile. "Thank you, Mir, for everything."

Mira was speechless. The only thing she could think of doing was to kiss Kaidan. The wounds they both held were starting finally to heal. It was ten years in the making but the confessions they told laid both soldiers open and vulnerable to the other. Feeling his arms wrap around her tightly, Kaidan deepened the kiss, asserting his own control. For once, Mira was glad to give it up.

Before things could go any deeper, the chime to the door sounded, making the kiss break off suddenly. "Who the hell can that be?" Kaidan growled.

"Expecting someone?" Mira asked as she slid off his lap and sat back on the couch.

"No one knows I am back except Anderson." Kaidan stood up but leaned over to place a hard kiss on Mira's mouth. "I'll get rid of them."

Mira sat back and listened as Kaidan went to the door and opened it. Then she heard a surprised sound and a name…Cordelia. Cordelia? Mira wondered who this Cordelia was. She wasn't exactly jealous if it was a woman that Kaidan may have gone out with. After all, before he knew she was alive, he did mention that he was finally getting his life back. As she walked out of the living area and peeked around the corner, Mira took in the tall graceful figure standing on the threshold of the apartment.

"I heard that you were back and wondered if you wanted to go out for drinks." Cordelia said, her voice cultured and lightly accented.

She couldn't blame Kaidan for wanting to have drinks or dinner with the woman a time or two, Mira thought. Where she was hard and intense, the other woman was soft and graceful.

"Uh, I am…tired…and well," Kaidan stumbled on his words.

Mira took that moment and stepped around the corner of the wall. "Kaida, why don't you introduce me to your friend." The look of surprise on the other woman's face nearly made Mira laugh aloud. Kaidan shot her a withering look before sighing.

He cleared his throat, "Cordelia Naismith, this is Commander Mira Shepard."

The woman's eyes widened even more in surprise. "I thought you were dead."

"I get that a lot." Mira stifled a giggle at Kaidan's eye roll. "I was only…mostly dead. But I'm all better now."

"Well, I see that you have company, Kaidan, and illustrious company at that. Pleasure to meet the Hero of the Citadel and Blitz." Cordelia was all polite and niceness but the sick look to her skin belied the words.

"Don't leave on my account." Mira said. "I need to be going anyway."

"Mira, stay." Kira softly commanded, which made her blink. "I'm sorry, Cordelia, but…"

The doctor held up her hand to forestall any further explanation. "Kaidan, it's okay, I understand. Really, it was nice to meet you, Commander." She turned to leave and walked down the hallway. Kaidan stood there watching the woman disappear.

"She's nice." Mira commented. "You do have good taste."

Kaidan sighed, "Mira…stop."

"I'm not being mean or jealous, really." Mira replied sincerely. "I think, though, this night is done. It was a lovely evening and good dinner." The mood was already broken and Mira could see Kaidan was uncomfortable but something else was simmering behind his dark gaze. Without another word, she turned to leave but Kaidan's hand slapped on the door lock, preventing her from going.

"I said stay," Kaidan spoke softly but again, a hard note of command underlay his words.

Looking at the locked door, Mira calmed down her own thread of rising anger. The only people who ever commanded her were her father and mother, and her direct superior officers. "I heard you." Her own voice took on a steel edge.

"Then understand, Mir, that Cordelia is just a friend. I want to be with you…tonight and for however long you will have me."

"Understand too, Kaidan, I am not jealous and you don't need to explain anything. I was curious as to whom the woman was and I saw quite a beautiful creature at your door." Only then, her voice betrayed Mira's insecurity as it wavered. How could she compare to that beautiful grace? Cerberus put her back together using biomesh, cybernetics, and who knows what else. She spent valuable resources to build the dermal regenerator for Chakwas so she didn't look completely like a monster.

She felt his hands on her shoulders that pulled her back against him and wrapped around her chest. "Oh, Mira, you are beautiful to me. I miss the old scars but you are still beautiful. I don't want perfection and fluff. I want you." His voice softened and rasped huskily in her ear. "Now, come back inside and just be with me."

Relenting, Mira turned to Kaidan in his arms and looked into his eyes. He brushed his fingers across her cheek and lips, before tilting her chin up to meet his mouth.


	27. Chapter 26 Downtime

A/N: NSFW It gets a little steamy in here but don't fret, more story going on in this chapter.

-Three weeks after Suicide Mission—

He woke up, stretching carefully to not wake the woman lying on his chest. Looking down, Kaidan smiled tenderly at Mira, as she stretched out by his side on the oversized couch. It was one of the reasons why Kaidan got the wider couch. Oftentimes, Kaidan found himself too tired after a long of night going over reports to bother shuffling off to the bedroom. Now, the choice was especially handy as the both of them fit comfortably on it, with a little wiggle room.

Kaidan almost felt bad for locking Mira in his apartment but he didn't want her to leave over Cordelia's sudden appearance last night. He knew she wasn't jealous that he had tried dating again but Kaidan did catch on to the little bouts of uncertainty regarding personal appearance. It was the one chink in her cool and confident composure she exuded to the world.

They spent a few more hours talking and drinking wine. It wasn't the crazy drunkiness of the night before, just a casual evening sipping at a good drink. Kaidan was fascinated by the dress Mira wore, where it was sexy as hell and while it was demure, the drape of cloth from her shoulders to pool at the bottom of her back, made his cheeks hurt from biting them so hard. Add to it that the dangle necklace was too tempting not to want to play with it. He was still a man and deeply attracted to the woman who had captured his heart a long time ago.

Unfortunately, before he could drag Mira to the bedroom, she had nodded off to sleep in his embrace as they watched the ships outside the living room window. It was a minor annoyance but Kaidan would wait until the time was right for them.

He lightly ran his fingers down the exposed back of Mira's dress, loving the way her skin felt under his touch. It still felt the same, even though it was reconstructed. Kaidan had to give some respect to Miranda and the Lazarus cell for bringing Mira back down to the minute details. She had long since took off the drop necklace and placed it on the table, and the heels were sprawled at the end of the couch on the floor. With her lying down the length of his body, the top of her dress slipped from one shoulder, baring the expanse of Mira's back to Kaidan's wandering touch. Mira's fingers twitched on his chest, making his hand still. He wanted Mira to sleep however long she needed.

The beeping on his omnitool indicated a personal message from Anderson waiting. Kaidan stretched his arm out to the tool on the coffee table and tapped it, opening the holographic screen. The notice informed Kaidan that the _Normandy _had been situated in drydock down in Zakera. Anderson pulled trusted Alliance engineers that he gained a rapport with and worked on the original, to work on the SR2. Tapping the interface closed, Kaidan settled back on the couch, wrapping his arms around Mira again. Today was going to be a day for them, he decided. Kaidan didn't care if they left the apartment or not. He had stocked up the kitchen with enough food to last for a week, along with some coffee that he and Mira drank in spades.

Closing his eyes, Kaidan let the gentle sound of Mira's even breathing lull him back to sleep.

He got a nagging feeling pervading his sleep that he was being watched. Slowly opening his eyes, Kaidan blinked into a pair of blue-gray eyes that smiled lovingly at him. Mira rested her chin on his chest and looked up at him as he woke. "Morn'n." he mumbled sleepily.

"Good morning, sunshine." Mira said in that low sultry voice she used with him when they were alone and making love.

"Sleep well?"

"Mmmhmm. I actually feel rested for once."

Kaidan smiled at Mira, "Good because so do I. I actually feel like being lazy today."

"Well, there is nothing on the agenda for at least a couple of days."

"What about the crew?"

"I gave them a hall pass for some downtime while the _Normandy_ is in drydock."

Kaidan chuckled softly. "Ah, you were snooping and read Anderson's note."

"As I don't have my 'tool handy, I wanted to see if there were any messages." Mira gave a slight shrug of her shoulders.

"That dress sure doesn't leave any room for hiding things." Kaidan grinned, his hand caressed down her spine.

Mira chuckled softly, her eyes closing as Kaidan let his hand glide over her skin. It dipped past the pool of fabric at the lower point of her back, to feel only skin and a thin band of material around her hips. His eyes opened wider in pleasant surprise. The curve of her hips and buttocks slid under Kaidan's hand, as he caressed down, his fingers cupping at one of Mira's cheeks. He had to give a low laugh as he hooked his fingers under the thong and gave a little tug. Mira's hips shifted on him as she squirmed from Kaidan's little tease.

"You certainly made sure to not leave that much to the imagination, Mir." Kaidan rumbled, a lusty twinkle lighting in his dark eyes.

She grinned widely at him, slowly inching her body up his, until her mouth was right at Kaidan's. He felt her hot breath tease over his lips and the slight pressure on his tightening pants. Kaidan took his hands and grasped at Mira's thighs, settling them on either side of his hips as they lay on the couch, sliding the slinky fabric of her dress up to her waist. Kaidan teased a kiss on Mira's lips, hearing the slight intake of breath from her indicating the same want that he had for her.

"Kaidan…" she softly spoke his name between kisses, her mouth responding enticingly to his.

"Shhh…" Kaidan whispered, his hands kneading at her thighs and up to Mira's buttocks, letting his fingers slip between the cheeks to her spread center. He pressed his fingers gently and rubbed in a circle against the growing heat of her sex through the thin fabric of Mira's thong. Kaidan smiled at her lips as a slight whimper issued from her lips. She tried to get the upper hand by kissing deeply and her own hands reaching between them to rub at the hard bulge trapped in his pants. However, Kaidan reached up and grasped her hair, pulling Mira's face back gently to look into her eyes.

She looked at Kaidan with some shock at his aggressiveness and dominance. Kaidan wanted to make love to her, to show Mira how much he had missed her but his body was having other thoughts and the more dominant and aggressive side to Kaidan was rearing up, overruling the slow passion that was building. His skin burned and groin pulsed with the fire of desire to have this woman now.

"Release me," Kaidan commanded softly. He held Mira's gaze, her eyes turning a storm gray with her rising passion. He felt her hand undo the button and zipper of his pants. Kaidan's hips gave a little shudder as some of the pressure released and then he sucked in a breath as Mira's hand slipped in his briefs, taking his manhood out of confinement with a soft stroke.

Kaidan pulled Mira's thong aside, his fingers slipping through her folds to find her slick and ready. He moaned in appreciation as a deep flush of lust flooded his body. It had been so long since he felt Mira's body surrounding him that it was almost too much for Kaidan to handle. Sliding back from between Mira's wet folds, Kaidan's fingers slipped in her core, teasing inside her body. Her whimper turned into a soft moan.

His member pulsed hard under Mira's hand and Kaidan felt a wet droplet emerge from the tip. He had to bite at his lower lip as Mira's finger rubbed his own wetness around the head. Not able to take anymore, Kaidan used his hand to lift Mira's hips up and let him enter her sex. Mira tried to wrest some control from him but Kaidan kept a firm grip on Mira's hip and in her hair. Settling her on his manhood, Kaidan closed his eyes as familiarity flooded through his senses and body. Oh, he remembered Mira's form and how she was slightly tilted that he hit to the spot deep in her that drove her wild. With her on top of him, he especially hit that spot. Mira moaned now, her hands grasping at his half-opened shirt and tore it open. Buttons pinged off the coffee table and to the floor somewhere, as they came off the shirt.

While he slowly moved into Mira, Kaidan nibbled at her lips and down her chin. He was desperately trying to keep it together so his need didn't release quickly. Feeling Mira's warmth around him, Kaidan groaned, especially when she rolled her hips over him. It had been over two years since they were intimate like this and his body didn't forget what Mira felt like. However, Kaidan wasn't ready to let himself go in the euphoria of their lovemaking or letting Mira get the say of where they would go. Kaidan craved for this woman's touch for over two years, to feel her breath and skin on his body. His implants started humming at a low frequency that aroused both him and Mira. Mira's own implants matched him, adding to the low thrumming vibrating in their touch. With his fingers still clenched in her hair, Kaidan leaned up with his mouth and tongue running along Mira's neck, then closing over the point of where the throat and shoulder met. His other hand held and guided her hips along his sex, making both of them shudder.

The rasp of her underwear and his pants added to the sensuality of their lovemaking. Kaidan groaned low in his chest as he quickened his thrusts into Mira's body, hitting at her sweet spot harder. He felt more than saw her biotics flare through her body. His own dark energy flared and caressed over hers. The buildup of tension in his belly gave him warning that Kaidan wasn't going to last much longer. It had been a long time since he laid with a woman and taking care of yourself wasn't the same.

"Kaidan…" Mira moaned, her fingers threaded through his thick hair and flexed, tightening with each hard thrust of his into her. He held her close to him, his mouth sucking and biting at Mira's neck as their bodies moved in the hard rhythm. The hard clench of Mira around him told Kaidan that Mira peaked. Kaidan continued his unrelenting thrusting, reveling in the deep shudders and spasms of her body. The tension in him snapped making Kaidan groan into Mira's neck, holding her tight against him as he released himself in her.

"Mira…" Kaidan rasped roughly, trailing lingering kisses to her ear. "How I have missed you, my love."

Mira moved her head back once Kaidan let his grasp in her hair loosen. Her smile spoke volumes to him, the love she felt for him, contentment, and the look one gets when they have come home. "I love you." She whispered roughly.

Kaidan looked into her eyes, grinning widely. His hand cupped her face, a thumb caressing across her mouth. "I love you, Mir, more than anything in this universe." He swallowed a lump in his throat. "Do not ever leave me behind again!" He said with a fierceness that made Mira blink in surprise.

"Not if I can help it, love." Mira murmured into his cheek.

-/*\-

She sighed in absolute pleasure as the heady aroma of fresh ground and brewed coffee was wafting up to her nose from the hot mug in her hand. Her eyes closed as she took a careful sip of the hot beverage and moaned as the full bodied and nutty flavor hit her tongue. The Tirazu blend was a perfect blend of dark aroma with a nuttiness to offset the bold flavor. It was heaven, next to the man who stood in front of her, chuckling at her near orgasmic expression.

Opening her eyes, Mira looked up at Kaidan, "What?"

"You and coffee. I swear it must be better than sex."

"Sex is better but GOOD coffee is a close second!" Mira grinned impishly. Taking another drink after giving a cooling blow on the surface, Mira sighed again. "This must have cost you a fortune!"

"It was worth every cred." Kaidan smiled as he put his mug down on the kitchen counter. Reaching over, he plucked Mira's mug from her hands and placed it next to his. He reached out to her, his hand grabbing a handful of the shirt she wore, pulling Mira toward him. "If you keep wearing my shirts, you will never leave this apartment, regardless of the Reapers."

Mira leaned into Kaidan's bare chest and accepted the teasing, loving, and lustful kiss. The change in Kaidan regarding his confidence and authority was good. She approved and found him even sexier than before. Surprisingly, Mira didn't mind Kaidan taking on the aggressive alpha male role in their lovemaking. It showed her that he was his own man and he knew what he wanted. He was still mindful of her needs but added his own needs to the mix, which made Mira want Kaidan more.

She deepened their kiss, her tongue flicking out between Kaidan's teeth to run across the top of his mouth. This drove Kaidan wild, she knew, and as his hands in his shirt tightened against her, Mira was satisfied. They broke the kiss in order to breathe, resting their heads together. "Coffee is getting cold." She pouted.

"Fuck the coffee, Shepard." Kaidan said hoarsely. He took her mouth again in a bruising kiss, his fingers unbuttoning the borrowed shirt, exposing Mira's bare breasts to his questing hands. They didn't stop there as his hands slid down to her ass and hoisted her to his waist. Kaidan carried her over to the closest tabletop he could find, which was a sturdy dining table, and placed Mira on the edge. He pulled back from the kiss and gave one of his enigmatic half-smiles. "Remember our last morning together?"

"How could I forget?"

Most of the day was spent making love, reconnecting to each other and finding joy after the months and years of misery. Every time Mira had snatched one of Kaidan's shirts to wear around the apartment, he would always find a way for her to take it off and leave it discarded yet again on the floor. What was she to do? She had no clothes here and Mira couldn't stay cooped in Kaidan's apartment all day. However, it seemed that Kaidan was intent in keeping her here, finding some other tantalizing and pleasurable ways to assert himself with her. A couple of times, Mira asserted herself, pushing Kaidan against the shower, using a stasis field to hold his hands against the wall while she had her way. When she was done, Kaidan was a quivering mess.

Mira smiled into the dim bedroom, looking over at the man asleep next to her, his breath tickling her shoulder and a possessive arm and leg lay across her. She had never felt so fulfilled or tired. Stretching slowly, Mira felt the relaxed muscles quiver with the aftereffects of euphoria. She had to move though her body protested, experiencing for the first time in her life, the soreness from nearly endless lovemaking and sex for a near day.

They did take a break in the middle of the day to have lunch, talking about what will happen next, once the _Normandy_ was fixed. Kaidan was making plans on joining her but Mira got a niggling feeling that something was going to take him away for a time. She thought it strange that they were never called upon that day, whether it was a report from C-Sec regarding her crew or Anderson checking in. While locked away with Kaidan was more than she had asked for, Mira felt that something was happening in the outside world. Something big.

She heard Kaidan's change in breathing, as he slowly wakened from his sleep. His fingers caressed across her stomach as his arm tightened and brought Mira closer to him. The feel of his lips kissing her shoulder made Mira shiver in delight. He looked over at her sleepily, love and warmth shining in his whiskey brown eyes. Mira could get lost in those depths and simply not want to ever leave the bed if only to have him keep looking at her as he did now.

"Morn'n," he murmured.

"More like evening, Kai," Mira chuckled softly.

"Mmm, so I managed to keep you here all day." Kaidan gave a low throaty laugh that sent more shivers down Mira's back.

"That you have. So, you had this all planned did you?" Mira asked.

"You know I have things planned all the time." Kaidan smiled in boyish innocence but the wicked gleam in his eye ruined the overall effect.

"And just what am I to wear when I leave?" Mira asked.

"Did I say you were going anywhere?" Kaidan nipped at Mira's shoulder. "Don't worry about clothes." He levered himself up and moved off the bed, the dim light playing over his toned nakedness. Mira was glad to have that lovely ass that she admired back at the academy all to herself. A clearing of his throat brought her attention back to Kaidan as he stood before, unconscious of his full glory. Holding a hand out, Kaidan pulled Mira out of bed and led her over to a closet door.

Sliding the door open and touching a light panel inside, Kaidan showed her a sight that choked her up. One part of the closet held the new dark gray fatigues of the Alliance, with the Lieutenant Commander rank pinned on the collar. The rest of the closet held casual clothes, several blouses, and slacks, t-shirts folded neatly and in one cubby shelf held a familiar sight. Mira's hands reached for the thick cable-knit sweater, unfolding the oversized fisherman's sweater and clasping it to her face. Inhaling, Mira smelled Kaidan's sandalwood and bay cologne. Tears sprung to her eyes as flashes of their time spent at the cabin outside of Vancouver flooded her vision.

Feeling Kaidan's arms around her and pulling her back into his embrace, Mira cried.

"I said I would take care of you, Mir, a long time ago. I keep my promises." Kaidan said softly, kissing the top of her head.

Still holding Kaidan's sweater, Mira turned in his arms. "And the uniforms?"

"Hackett's doing. He knows that someday, you will be back on Earth facing whatever trumped up charges IA throws at you. Let's say he is foreseeing that you need a new uniform wardrobe." Kaidan tilted Mira's face up to meet his gaze. "He is watching out for us, Mir."

She gave a deep hitched sigh and gave Kaidan a tremulous smile. "Maybe there is hope yet."

Kaidan smiled back at Mira, brushing her hair back her eyes, "There is always hope, dear. Believe it or not, there are quite a few of us that are fighting for you, that believe in you. Have faith, Mir, and all will come to you."

"We have gotten a little spiritual over the years." Mira laughed softly.

"With all the things we have been through and seen, you can't help but start thinking that there is something out there that is guiding you and giving some…instinct that things will be alright." His thumbs smoothed away the drying tears on Mira's cheeks. "After all, I wasn't going to give you up so easily, not after ten years of running into you, then serving with you."

"Then I am a very lucky woman."

"I am the lucky one, for having a woman such as you." Kaidan whispered against her lips as he leaned down to kiss Mira.

-/*\-

"How soon until the repairs are done?" Hackett asked over the terminal.

"Another day. The _Normandy_ was beaten up badly with several hull breaches and fried systems. The engineers are in awe at the improvements that Cerberus put into the design." David answered the older man.

"I can hold off the wolves for another day but I can't put them off any longer, David. Shepard must get away for a little bit longer. I have some assignments for her to complete first. I believe there are some leads about the Reapers that she might be interested in."

"Kaidan is determined to join her, Steven."

"I know and I would hate to break up the reunion but right now, them being together is very damning. They may be Spectres now but they still hold their Alliance commissions."

"Both? Are you saying Shepard is still commissioned?" David looked in shocked surprise at the Alliance admiral.

"She never lost it after the first _Normandy_ destruction. Services may have been held but officially, she was listed MIA as a body was never found."

"Why do I get the feeling you had a hand in that note of status?" David chuckled.

Hackett grinned at his long time friend, "Because I never gave up on Shepard. She has come through so much to simply just die by falling into a planet."

"You're a romantic, Steven." David accused the man.

"Maybe," the man gave a little nod, "but she is of vital interest to some powerful people in the galaxy."

"Now that she has broken away from Cerberus, we are her only protection."

"She is still an Alliance officer. The _Normandy_ is an Alliance ship and at the moment, until she is recalled, will be listed under special assignment per my orders."

"Are you going to tell Shepard?"

"Kaidan will let her know. I left a little something for her with him." Hackett smiled smugly. He paused before turning a serious look onto David. "So, are you going with Kahlee?"

David paused, dropping his eyes for a moment before facing Hackett's direct stare. "Yes. There is some unfinished business and she needs my help more than these trade negotiations."

"We need you on the Council but…I understand, David. You know that you will have your commission waiting for you when you get back."

"Thank you, Steven."

"Good hunting, David." Hackett terminated the link.

David looked around the office as he sat his desk. Already, he had some things packed into a crate that sat behind his desk. Kahlee was waiting for any news from him regarding help for her situation, he had to admit that going after Cerberus stations, and giving a crippling blow to the group was more important than trade negotiations with the elcor.

Tapping at the terminal, David removed the block on Shepard's email and commlink. He gave Shepard and Kaidan one day together. Now, it was time to get back to business. Only thing that saddened him was Kaidan wouldn't be going with Shepard. The man wasn't going to be happy but if he loved Shepard, he would go. This was one of his last acts as part of the Council, who commanded the Spectres.

-/*\-

The couple sat at the dining table drinking coffee and having a healthy breakfast. It was a comfortable silence between them, sharing this homey time together. They both were dressed in the Alliance fatigues, cleaned up and polished as upstanding Alliance officers should be. Kaidan couldn't help but keep his eyes on Mira. Even in the gray ACU's, she was beautiful. Her hair had grown out again and pulled back into a ponytail that he remembered when he first saw her so many years ago. The woman was incredibly strong willed but Kaidan knew that even Mira had weak points, having witnessed them and been there for her.

A chirp of an incoming message was heard from Kaidan's omnitool. He sighed quietly, knowing that Anderson released the block and it was time to get back to the real world. Gulping down the last of his coffee, he got up and went to the computer terminal. He accessed his inbox seeing the urgent message from Anderson to have both him and Mira meet him at his office in an hour.

"Time to go to work." Kaidan said.

Mira sighed heavily, "I guess having one more day was asking much."

He walked up to her, pulling Mira up to him and gave her a non-demanding kiss. "I'm glad we had the one day we did, Mir. Anderson wants to see us."

"Can I check my messages and see what the status is on the _Normandy_?"

Kaidan chuckled, "Of course. I won't keep you away from it any longer."

Watching her walk over to the terminal, Kaidan smiled lovingly. They were together again and even though one day wasn't enough, it was all that could be afforded at this time. The two Spectres had to find any evidence of when the Reapers were coming. Kaidan was looking forward to working with Mira again. They were a good team and falling back into the rhythm of their squad tactics was a comfortable fit.

"Well, shit," Mira cursed softly, snapping Kaidan back from his reverie. "I guess I should have seen it coming but still…I will miss them."

"What is it?" Kaidan asked.

"Kasumi, Samara and Zaeed have left. Samara's quest is done so she is heading home to her daughters. Zaeed says here that he is finally retiring. He got the reward money for turning in Vido and book passage too….Earth?" Mira blinked and chuckled to herself.

"Of all the paradise planets around and he goes to Earth?" Kaidan asked in surprise.

"He says he is going to check out Greece. After what I told him of my time there on vacation, his interest was piqued, it seems."

"I can't picture him in a linen shirt and pants, doing shots of ouzo." Kaidan shook his head as the picture ran through his head. "What about Kasumi?"

"Hmm, well, that is cryptic, as always. She says that she will see me around but she had to get something done that required her attention." Mira shook her head. "Joker says the repair team is about done, in record time too. Something is making them work around the clock to get the _Normandy _ready to leave." A crease formed between her brows.

"That's odd." Kaidan commented. "Maybe Anderson will have some answers."

"Then we better go see him."


	28. Chapter 27 We Will Meet Again

A/N: Alrighty, you aren't going to like me in this chapter but the lasting reunion is just not going to be this time around.

The receptionist allowed them into Anderson's office, asking Mira and Kaidan if they needed anything to drink. Both declined the offer and looked toward their mentor standing by the balcony, arms resting on the railing. Mira took note of the packed boxes and looked curiously at Kaidan. He shrugged and let her make the first move.

"Captain?" Mira cleared her throat as she walked up to Anderson and stood next to him at the railing.

"Good, both of you are here." David responded, still watching the wandering bustle of people below.

"You asked us to come, sir. What's up?" Mira knew something was bothering her mentor.

David shook his head and sighed deeply, turning to look at Mira and glimpse at Kaidan behind her. "Too much, Mira, that is what's up. I wanted to talk to both of you because while you two were getting reacquainted, some things have been moving quickly into play and unfortunately involve you."

"Internal Affairs." Kaidan stated flatly.

"Yes. It seems news spreads fast and someone on the inside leaked information that you were docked here on the Citadel. You may have less than a day before they are here. Then there is this…" he handed over a datapad to Mira that he was holding between his hands.

Mira took it and read over the letter, her face showing shock at what it said. Once she was done, Mira handed it to Kaidan. "Are you sure about this, sir?"

"Yes. I need to help this woman and in doing so, it will put my position here on the Council into question. So, I am making things easier on everyone by resigning my position. Hackett is aware of this and has offered my commission back when I'm done with this mission."

"Can we enquire what this mission is, sir?" Kaidan asked as he handed Anderson back the datapad.

"You know about my past history with Cerberus. Mira, the infiltration of the Quarian flotilla that Tali mentioned to you, it was Cerberus going after a rogue agent. I don't have the time to go into details but ask Hackett for the files and then you will get a better understanding of why I acted the way I did when I heard you were working with them. But now, I have an opportunity to strike back!"

"What are you planning on doing?" Mira asked. "I could help…"

Anderson held up a hand to forestall Mira's offer. "It's been taken care of. The less you know, the better. What is needed is for you get away from the Citadel. Hackett will be sending some reports to you on possible sites of Reaper information. It may not come up with anything but it will put you out of reach for a time." David looked to Kaidan, regret shining in his eyes.

"Somehow, I get the feeling that I won't be joining her." Kaidan said in a clipped voice.

"Not this time, Kaidan. I'm sorry but you are needed elsewhere."

"Such as where? I am of more use to Mira and finding these leads than playing at political games…sir. You and Hackett got me my Spectre status and I don't have to…"

"Commander Alenko, I am still Councilor." Anderson's voice held steel. "I can assign you where you are needed regardless of Alliance orders. Being a Spectre may have given you more leverage and resources but remember you still answer to me."

Mira laid a hand on Kaidan's arm, stopping him from saying whatever was going to come next. They answered to the Council first and until the resignation was in effect, that meant that Anderson could still give them orders that preceded any personal mission. She didn't like that after being with Kaidan again, working and being physically with him, that they were to be separated again. However, Mira couldn't afford to be in IA's custody on trumped up charges when there was a greater threat out in the galaxy. "You said we had about a day? Will the Normandy's repairs be finished by then?"

Anderson gave a nod, "Yes. I'm having repair crews working around the clock to make sure she is fit to fly. It helps that that AI, EDI, is being very helpful. It was a bit unnerving but the crew has come to respect her for her knowledge of the ship. That has helped speed up the repairs."

"Then we better get things moving so we can leave on a moment's notice." Mira sighed, squaring her shoulders and accepting the task before her.

"God speed, Mira." Anderson reached over to squeeze her shoulder.

-/*\-

"I don't like this!" Kaidan paced the living room of his apartment.

"It is what must be done, love. I don't like it either but you know I've never dealt with the political bullshit very well." Mira watched the man she loves work out his frustration.

He stopped and looked to her, his eyes softening. Taking two steps, Kaidan stood in front of her, his hands taking her face between them. "Just when I found you, too."

"How many times have we managed to come together through the years?" Mira quirked a smile.

Kaidan chuckled and shook his head, "Too many to count. I just don't like this."

"You are repeating yourself, Kai."

He growled softly while leaning in to kiss Mira's mouth. Kaidan teased and loved at her lips, his teeth nibbling at her full lips. The constant sub-harmonic hum of their implants synchronized together as the passion flared. Kaidan pulled back breathless and smiled at Mira. "Can I say you look good back in Alliance grays?"

"Commander, are you hitting on me?" Mira teased. "You know some would see that as sexual harassment."

"Heh, if it is, then I'm guilty of doing that…repeatedly." He kissed Mira again, his hands sliding down her back to her waist, pulling her hips close. "Then there is the whole fraternizing thing." Kaidan teased.

"True." Mira brought Kaidan's lower lip between hers, sucking it in as her fingers caressed at his neck.

Before things progressed, the commlink in Mira's ear chirped. Sighing, Mira pulled back. "What is it, Joker?" Kaidan continued to brush his lips down Mira's neck above the collar of the ACU's.

"Sorry to cut the lovey-dovey time short, Commander, but we got incoming. Crews wrapped up the repairs early and are rushing out as we speak."

"Shit!" Mira cursed, making Kaidan pause and look at her in concern. Mira pulled away and brought her omnitool online and switched the comms to it so Kaidan could listen in. "Is it Alliance?"

"No, ma'am. Our former employer sent a goon squad to get back what we 'borrowed'." Joker snapped out with a cough on the latter.

"Joker, get the ship prepped. I will get the control tower to clear you for launch asap." Kaidan barked out.

"Aye-aye, sir!" Joker laughed. "Crew is onboard and ready, Commander."

"Keep the door open until I get there, Joker." Mira said and snapped the link closed.

"Well, it looks like your departure is happening sooner than expected." Kaidan's mouth turned down. "Good thing we sent your stuff ahead an hour ago."

Mira rested her head against Kaidan's, "It would have been nice to have a little more time."

Kaidan rested a finger on her lips, quieting Mira. "Shh, we will have it soon enough. Come on, I'm sure Cerberus will have a welcoming party for us as we reach the docks."

As they made their way from the apartment and toward the dock where the Normandy was, Mira and Kaidan melded into the crowds of the Zakera Ward but kept a watchful eye out for anyone trailing after them. Kaidan rested a hand on Mira's lower back, the hum of his implants making her spine tingle, as he was ready for anything. Her fingers prickled as static built up in them. Mira caught movement from the corner of her eye as they turned at the corner of one street.

Kaidan gave her a slight nod, noticing the same thing she had. He pulled her to an elevator and pressed against the back as six other beings crowded in. Their pursuers stopped a few feet short, scowling as the doors closed.

"Thank God for rush hour." Mira breathed a little easier, shaking the static from her hands.

"We're not clear yet, Mir."

"Don't I know it! It won't be clear until Joker has us flying to the relay and we jump."

The doors opened and the passengers exited. Kaidan and Mira made their way out and walked toward customs. They passed by the C-Sec offices and Mira paused. Bailey was at his desk, as Mira hoped, and she motioned for Kaidan to follow her.

He saw her approach and rumbled a greeting. "Commander Shepard! What do I owe the pleasure of your visit again?"

"Actually, Bailey, can you do me a favor?"

"Heh, sure, especially after you helped me out a while back, what can I do for you?"

"I have some people who would ask after me and the _Normandy_. Could you stall them?"

"Cerberus, eh?" the older security officer squinted his eyes.

"Nothing gets past you."

He snorted. "We have been keeping watch on them since they stepped through customs. One of the lieutenants already let one group through to the shipping terminal."

"Shit." Kaidan hissed.

"She didn't know any better. The girl is new to the job and has led a rather sheltered life."

"We'll handle it, Bailey." Mira promised.

"I will take care of the red-tape, don't you worry." Bailey grunted.

"You are alright." Mira grinned.

"You aren't bad yourself, Shepard. Now, get out of here." Bailey shooed off the soldier couple.

They ducked through customs and rushed toward the dock where the _Normandy_ was berthed. When Kaidan and Mira reached the gangway, they stopped as they saw one small squad perched on the crates. Kaidan pulled Mira behind another set of crates and looked her over.

"I love you, Mira." Kaidan swallowed, not liking that he had to leave her but he had to. He was helping her escape and the roles reversed now. Kaidan was the commanding officer telling a soldier to go. He ran a caressing finger across her cheek and across her lips. "You need to go and get away from here."

"Kaidan…" her blue eyes went grey with the torrent of emotion clamoring inside of her. Kaidan steeled himself as what he saw in Mira, was a reflection of what he felt.

"I need you to run as fast you can to the hatch while I get their attention."

"Kaidan, they will overwhelm you!"

He gave a small smile, "I have a few tricks up my sleeve you don't know about, Mira. Don't worry about me."

"You can't say that when you know I will."

Kaidan kissed Mira deeply, pulling back with a lingering kiss. "Go, Shepard." He choked out.

Mira looked into his deep eyes, watching as he pulled himself behind the mask of duty. His body soon shimmered with dark energy as Kaidan gathered it within himself. She took a step back and another, her own hands outlined with her own dark energy. Mira's eyes never left Kaidan's as her footsteps took her out in open view of the Cerberus commandos.

"There she is!" one of them cried out.

She whirled around and released a flashing staccato toward the group. They dove out of the way but it was enough of a distraction for Kaidan to charge from cover. He was a blur before Mira's eyes and then he was among the commandos, snapping out punches. The other Spectre spared a glance while Mira stood there in awe.

"GO, SHEPARD!" He snarled out at her and grunted as one commando rifle butted his ribs.

Making a mad dash to the hatch, Mira ran for her life over the last few hundred yards. Garrus waited for her, sniper rifle in hand and aimed toward one of the Cerberus commandos. A loud crack was heard and the soldier fell off Kaidan with a scream. Mira hit the hatchway, breathing hard. Resisting the urge to turn around, she marched on the _Normandy_ and to the cockpit.

"Joker, are we cleared?"

"Yes, ma'am. Once Garrus clears the hatch, we are ready to thrust away from the pylon."

"Hatch clear and locked, Shepard." The double-voice of Garrus came up behind Mira.

"You know what to do, Joker."

"Put the pedal to the metal!" Joker laughed as his hands flew over the navigation screens.

"Pedal to the metal?" Garrus and EDI asked.

"Old Earth euphemism." Mira grinned. "Basically, it means let's leave in a hurry."

-/*\-

Grunting as the last commando slipped to the ground dead, Kaidan inhaled and exhaled to calm the jittery feeling of adrenaline coursing through his body. Upon hearing the engines fire up, he watched as the _Normandy_ pulled away from the docking pylons and out into the Citadel traffic. He hated having to tell Mira to leave but he knew what it must have felt like for her back on the SR1 as she told him the same thing. This time, however, he would see her again, alive and well, and real.

Captain Bailey arrived with a group of C-Sec officers and another figure that wore the dress blues of the Alliance Navy. Bailey directed the officers to clean up the mess of Cerberus members, avoiding the tall Alliance man that stood there ramrod straight, looking pointedly at Kaidan.

"Commander Kaidan Alenko," the man stated sonorously.

"Yes, sir?" Kaidan straightened up, resisting the urge to snap off a salute. The man before him was a Lieutenant but held power far above the rank. In addition, Kaidan had to remember, he was a Spectre first, Alliance officer second. Still, old habits die hard, thus he added the 'sir' to his affirmative.

"Lieutenant Malik Baldwin of Alliance Naval Internal Affairs. Would you please come with me?" The man left no room for refusal and Kaidan had a sinking feeling about this.

Rolling his shoulders back and shaking his hands after holstering his pistol. Kaidan stepped forward. "Of course." He gave the other man a nod.


	29. Chapter 28 Crisis Point

All the Things That I've Done  
Chapter 28 - Crisis Point

* * *

A/N: Finally, another chapter that most have been waiting for. So many plot bunnies going on in my head on a few stories that Mira and Kai waited patiently for theirs to come about.

* * *

The blank grey walls held no imagination. Then again, it was meant to be that way, to be lifeless, institutional, and even intimidating. Kaidan was used to the setting, having been in rooms such as this for most of his young life when his biotic nature was made known. Folding his hands on the table in front of him, he sat there, face impassive, and waited.

After the initial greeting by the IA lieutenant, the man didn't speak another word to him. He was escorted to the Alliance offices on the Citadel and was shown this room. Kaidan guessed it had been a good two hours since anyone stopped in. There was one glass of water on the table and a two-way dark glass panel taking up one side of the room. In consideration to his L2 implants and the migraines he suffered, the lights dimmed to a suitable level. After the charge, Kaidan's reserves were low but he gritted his teeth and kept his flagging energy at bay. He needed to remain sharp and not give anything away to IA to help their case against Mira or him.

He hoped that Bailey informed Anderson of what happened to him. Kaidan also prayed that Joker got the Normandy out of the sector and away from IA's clutches. Their mission was too critical to have her sitting in a cell awaiting a tribunal.

The door opened to let in an officer, pressed to the nine in the marine dress grays. Medals shone on his chest and the gold braid designating the rank of major stood out on his shoulders. He walked over to the table Kaidan sat at, reading a datapad in his hand. Kaidan looked over the major, seeing a man in his mid-forties, sandy brown hair tinged with grey at the temples and a receding hairline. His features were strong and chiseled with a square jaw, thin mouth, and an upturned piggish nose. The major's hair was high and tight, a favored style among traditional marines. What got Kaidan, to tell him that this man was hard-nosed, was the cold, flat grey eyes.

"Commander Kaidan Rafael Alenko, L2 implantee, newly appointed Spectre, and highly decorated Alliance marine officer." The voice of the major was quiet and even but Kaidan had no doubt that the man was dangerous. He was going to have to watch how he phrased his answers to the major. "Formerly the chief marine detail officer of the _SSV Normandy SR1_ and second officer to Lieutenant Commander Mira Shepard."

The major placed the datapad on the table and pulled out the chair across from Kaidan, sitting down with ease. He rested back in the chair and assessed Kaidan with his eyes. Kaidan kept his mouth shut. He knew enough of the political game that when not asked a question directly, it was best to keep silent. Let the IA major make the opening move in the dance.

The silence hung between them for a while as they took stock of the other, trying to read what the other was thinking. Kaidan couldn't get much, as the man was good at keeping the implacable façade up. Shifting his body forward, the major made the opening move. "Major Caleb Antella, of Naval Internal Affairs. I am here to ask a few simple questions regarding Commander Shepard. There are no impending charges, as of yet, but I have reason to believe that Commander Shepard is a traitor to the Alliance."

Kaidan's face closed down even more, lips pressing tighter into a thin line. Major Antella took in this sign as an affirmative regarding the Commander's relationship with Shepard.

-/*\-

"God, this is boring!" Joker complained to Mira as she stood behind his chair, fingers drumming on the headrest.

"We need to keep a low profile, Joker."

"Yeah, yeah, I know but scanning systems for a rumor is boooring. We have no real evidence except a breadcrumb Hackett handed us."

"I know but he thinks we can pull bunnies out of our asses, too." Mira chuckled.

"Seriously?" Joker turned to look up at the smiling face of his best friend.

She looked down at him and smacked the back of his head playfully, knocking his cap off. "Are you this gullible all the time, Jeff?" Mira laughed.

Picking up his hat from the lap, Joker brushed his fingers through the messy hair, replacing the ship ballcap back on his head, situating it back into position. "Heh, right, me gullible. I know the admiral expects miracles from us because we are just that damned pretty but this is pushing even the miracle network a bit thin."

Mira sighed, looked out the window to see the latest star system they were in out on the rim of the galaxy. This was even beyond Cerberus' reach, for which she was glad to have to not deal with them at this time. Still, as she chewed at her lower lip, Mira worried about Kaidan and missed him terribly. She got a wistful look on her face as she thought about the one day in his apartment they had together. The time was too short but it made up for the separation of time and duty.

"Oh, geez, if you are going to get all gushy thinking about Blue Boy, please leave." Joker groused.

"What, jealous?" Mira teased.

The pilot snorted. "Hardly." However, this was a little white lie and they both knew it. "Hey, I'm glad you got to be together, Mir." Joker said softly.

Patting his shoulder, Mira smiled. "Thanks, Jeff. It was good to see you two kiss and make up."

"Pfft," Joker waved his hand at her.

"Finish scanning this sector and let's continue to the next system." She turned away from Joker's chair and headed back to CIC.

She walked over to her console next to the galaxy map and checked her inbox. Seeing no new messages flagged there, she sighed. Her eyes looked over to Kelly who gave her a shrug. It was good to see most of the crew stayed with her on the _Normandy SR2_ but the short time Kaidan was onboard, added to the sense of completion. Now that he was gone again, Mira felt the empty echo of his presence. The galaxy seemed to be teetering on the edge of a chasm, holding its breath and waiting for something to push it over the edge. To Mira, she felt the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders with the impending arrival of the Reapers and no one was prepared. It was up to her to stop them. Up to her to gather allies and unite the races to push back against the Reaper's inevitable invasion.

There were so few out there that supported her and believed what she did, despite the Council's efforts to sweep all evidence under the rug. At the moment, Mira was restless, wandering around systems off the grid, looking for prospective Reaper signs. It had been two weeks since their hasty departure from the Citadel and Mira was concerned that she had no word from Kaidan, Anderson, or even Hackett. They were flying blind, searching in the dark for something beyond their reach and it bothered her. There was always a goal, a plan of action to go by. You had your objective, chose your team, and executed the plan to get to your destination. Even with the past months of working with Cerberus, Mira worked with a list of goals in attaining her team and then going after the Collectors.

Now, she was in limbo, wandering and lost as to where to go and what to do. It was new to her and it started her to doubt herself. Without Samara or Zaeed onboard, she had no one to go vent her frustrations and worries to. Garrus wouldn't understand and Mira didn't want to impose more of her time on him than necessary.

"Commander!" Kelly broke into her thoughts. "You have an incoming transmission from Admiral Hackett!"

Mira sighed in relief inside, "I'll take it up in my quarters, Kelly." She turned to the lift and pressed the button to go to the Loft. Once inside, Mira turned her terminal on, accepting the transmission from Hackett. The room dimmed and the glass divider from the desk and the living area turned into a screen.

Steven Hackett's weathered face showed on the screen, stress and worry etched into his eyes. Mira thought the man looked a little greyer than the last time she met him. "Shepard, I'm glad this got through. I was worried that the Normandy would be too far off the grid to receive a signal."

"We haven't left the system we are in yet so we are still near a relay." Mira responded.

"Then luck is still with me." He gave a small smile. "A lot has happened since your flight from the Citadel. Kaidan was taken by Internal Affairs for questioning."

"What!" Mira planted her fists to her desk, leaning toward Hackett's image. Her heart sped up with worry and fear. The damn politics of their position was finally catching up and Mira knew with the political climate lately, it wasn't going to go well if IA had their way.

Hackett raised a hand up, trying to calm the Spectre. "Don't worry. The major in charge of your investigation is one I have been pushing off for the longest time. When I heard he finally caught up with Kaidan, I immediately took it upon myself to pay a visit to the Citadel and confront the man. Anderson was there too, still in his Councilor's role, and livid that his Spectre was detained without a warrant or subpoena. Major Antella kept a cool demeanor but I know the man, he was furious to be intercepted and trumped."

"Where is Kaidan now, sir?" Mira asked.

"Safe, Commander. He's running a mission for me. I will warn you, Major Antella won't be held off for much longer."

"Understood, admiral. And Anderson's mission?"

Hackett grinned widely, "Happier now that is not in the Councilor role and that he put a crippling blow against Cerberus."

"What did he do?" Mira asked, curious as to what her friend and mentor did.

"Let's say he put the Illusive Man on the run for a short while. It's a shame we didn't catch the bastard, for I would have some things to say and do…" Hackett paused and softened his gaze on his best officer. "Don't feel like you are alone, Mira. We are watching your back. Right now, it is important that you continue your mission."

"But, sir, that is it! I have breadcrumbs to work with that are leading to nothing!" Mira let her exasperation show in her voice. "I've only found one abandoned mine that had an old Reaper beacon that converted the miners into husks. Other than that, it didn't lead to any information as the Reapers timetable and where they are coming into the galaxy."

"Give me some time, Shepard, I will have something more concrete. I do have someone who is looking into something for me and she is due to report sometime in the next few days. So, please, be patient."

Mira sighed and stepped back from the edge of her desk. "I am, sir, this is just new for me to not have some tangible goal set and then going after it."

Hackett chuckled. "You are truly a soldier, Mira. Always on the move and can't stand being grounded for a long time."

A smile curved on her mouth, "It's true, but then you and Anderson did push that on me, with very little complaint on my end."

"True. But the Major knew his daughter too, and was proud of you."

Mira's heart ached at the mention of her departed father. "Did you know him, sir?"

The admiral gave a little nod, "Briefly, Mira. I wish I had gotten to know him better for he was a rare man."

She gave a slight nod and stood straighter, not wanting to dwell on the past. "I will continue scanning these systems…"

"No need. Start making your way to Elysium."

The name of Elysium sent a shock through Mira. She hadn't been back to the Alliance colony in years, after the Blitz was over. In some way, Mira avoided the place, even though it was what gave her career a boost and made her name prominent in recent military history. "If I might ask…why?"

"Just get there, Commander. I should have your next assignment by the time you arrive."

"Assignment? Am I back in the Alliance now?" Mira snapped a little and regretted the sharp tone of her voice.

"Unofficially, Commander, but since you are off Cerberus' payroll, your former job takes precedence."

"Aye-aye, sir." She straightened suddenly, hiding the smile from her face. "It is good to have someone who doesn't think I'm crazy."

"Shepard, there are more than you know that know you and that you are no traitor. Don't let the news vids and IA get to you. Keep strong and resolute. You need to be for the dark days ahead of us."

"Why me?" Mira couldn't help ask the childish question.

Hackett looked long and hard at his protégé. "Because you are the only one can do the impossible. People follow heroes because they have this indefinable spark in them that makes them greater than a normal person. You, Mira, are that. There is that spark that makes people want to trust you and follow you to their death. You give us hope and humanity in this crazy mixed up life."

"I wish I had that much faith in myself, sir." Mira said quietly, awed by Hackett's profound belief in her.

"That is what makes you the hero you are, Mira. You aren't full of yourself and you expect others to be better than they are. We are all flawed creatures, my dear. And the hero is the most flawed creature of all."

"You read too many comic books!" Mira chuckled.

Hackett laughed, "Maybe in my youth. But even in those stories, some element of truth is in them." He looked off to the side, checking on something. "I need to wrap this up. Mira, hang in there. You will be home soon."

At those words, Mira felt tears slide down her face. Home. Such a simple word brought a world of meaning to her. Home was the Alliance, home was with Kaidan, home was with those she served with and relied on, those same people who had become her family. That simple word inspired faith in her, that yes, she will be back home soon. Even if it was to clear her name, then so be it. Mira was tired of this exile.

"Thank you, admiral." She brought a hand up to wipe at her cheeks.

Giving her a nod in farewell, Hackett terminated the communication. Mira sat back on the table, hugging herself as she silently cried. She kept that one word in mind to help her get through this difficult time.

Home.

"Joker," She pinged on the pilot.

"Yes, ma'am," his cheery snarky voice came over the line.

"Set course for Elysium."

"Elysium?" he asked in surprise.

"That's what I said, mister. This comes from the big man at the top."

"Holy shit!" Joker cried out happily. "Course plotted and set!"

"ETA?"

"Six hours and twenty-three minutes."

Mira nodded, though Joker couldn't see it but to herself, it was enough time go around the crew and talk with them about a few changes. Whatever Hackett had for her at Elysium, it had better be worth her time. The man never steered her wrong before thought he could be vague sometimes. Elysium, though, was causing Mira some trepidation. The battle that night of July fourth was still vivid in her mind, as citizens, children, and soldiers on leave ran through bombarded streets or screamed as they were cut down by mercenary weapons. Weeks later, there was a retaliatory strike against the Batarian pirates but at a heavy cost to the Alliance, not only in people but politically.

After many years, and her two-year 'death', Mira overheard on the news vids that there was a memorial dedicated to her there on Elysium, right at the line that she had held with the rag tag group of soldiers and citizens. Joker had joked that maybe she should make an appearance as the ghost of the Hero of the Skyllian Blitz. Mira didn't find it funny and had dropped the issue immediately.

She never sought to become a hero. Mira was doing as she had trained to do as a soldier. That day saw her commanding officer slaughtered with his family and left her in charge. As such, Mira had to keep order among chaos and had to protect the innocents. That is what a soldier does. Her taking charge and forming a line in the sand was nothing special. The Alliance Parliament and Navy didn't see it that way and awarded her the highest honor given to a living soldier, the Star of Terra.

_Oh, god_, Mira thought, now she had to face her past.

Steeling herself, Mira left her quarters and headed down to the crew deck.

-/*\-

He eyed the compound from the rise of the hill he was perched. Kaidan adjusted the zoom on the binoculars and got a closer look at the object blocked by various crates and the warehouse. A cargo handler was moving it into the warehouse. Hackett had informed him that there was a mysterious package arriving on Kharshan and Kaidan needed to scout it out. Being on the Batarian homeworld sent a shiver of foreboding through him. This planet had been nothing but the bane of the Alliance's existence, since Anderson's forays, to Mira's, and now it was his turn to be scouting it instead of rigged in a cargo hold of a ship flying in for extraction.

Anderson had filled him in a bit on the Batarian's history with Reaper technology and had suggested that a new object had been shipped was another Reaper probe. All Reaper tech over time had indoctrinated anyone in its sphere over a space of time. Thus, Anderson and Hackett were extremely concerned that another Reaper artifact was in the Batarian's hands.

The wind picked up and blew the tarp on the object away, letting Kaidan catch a glimpse. What he saw made the blood in his veins grow cold. It was a Reaper artifact and a large one, which curved from a base and up to a point like a lotus flower. The thing was active, the eerie blue glow pulsing sluggishly along the length of each arm of the artifact.

"Shit." Kaidan took a couple of snapshots with the binocs and moved back from the rise. Rolling over t his back, he looked up at the dusty red sky of Kharshan. "I hope my ride is coming." He muttered. Snapping the binocs into the case at his hip, Kaidan stealthily made his way back to his home base.

It took twenty minutes to reach the camouflaged camp. Giving two short whistles, Kaidan waited for the perimeter alarm to be disarmed. The answering whistle gave the all clear and Kaidan stepped over the perimeter line. Anderson poked his head out of the tent, eyebrow raised in inquiry.

"It's confirmed." Kaidan said.

"Shit." Anderson echoed what Kaidan said earlier. "Our ride will be here in an hour's time."

"Who's giving us a lift?"

Anderson chuckled but didn't enlighten Kaidan. "Let's pack up. We have a walk to the LZ."

When everything was packed, Anderson patted down the tent and covered it with the local brush. Everything else was on the packs they had strapped to their backs. Giving Kaidan a nod, the two soldiers jogged to the west and further into the wild country of the Batarian homeworld. The suns were setting and blinding the men but they had to reach their LZ to catch their ride. It was over ten clicks and they had less than an hour to get there.

The pace was steady and left little breath for idle chatter. Kaidan controlled his breathing as trained, to keep his body oxygenated and from tiring faster than normal. One thing with the Special Forces training he received, it hardened his body more than basic had done. He had greater endurance and better control over his breathing, body, and as a side effect, the control of his amps. The migraines came less often as Kaidan learned to channel stress away from oncoming signs.

As they neared their goal, the soft whine of engines could be heard and a dark shape flew over their heads. There were no running lights but Kaidan stopped as he recognized the shape of the ship. Anderson looked back to him with a grin. Shaking his head, Kaidan jogged over to the opening cargo ramp of the cruiser, two forms silhouetted against the light of the cargo bay. The lithe curves of the one backlit figure made Kaidan's heart warm with joy.

Sprinting the last few feet up the ramp, Kaidan wrapped his arms around Mira and swung her around. Mira struggled in his grasp but that made Kaidan hold her tighter to his chest.

"I heard two marines needed a lift." Mira laughed into his neck.

"That we do." Kaidan replied, leaning back a little to look Mira in the eyes. "Talk about familiar circumstance."

"Only this time, I'm pulling your ass off planet." Mira grinned, a small shadow of sorrow flitted across her eyes.

Kaidan brushed his gloved fingers over Mira's cheeks, knowing that this planet brought back memories of their friend Garrett.

"All right you two let's get the show on the road!" Anderson joked at the couple.

Mira held her hand to hand to her ear, "You heard the man, Joker, get us off this rock, and as quietly as we came in."

"The four-eyes won't even know we were ever here." Joker responded.

"Come on, soldier, let's get that pack off you and both of you into a hot shower!" Mira's nose crinkled.

"What, you don't like our manly scent?" Kaidan teased.

"We worked hard for this aroma!" Anderson laughed.

"And you can work even harder to get rid of it!" Mira quipped. "This is MY ship and all who are onboard are clean and inoffensive to the nose."

"Whatever you say, ma'am." Kaidan gave her nod before placing a kiss on the end of Mira's nose.

Kaidan let Mira go and shouldered the large pack off his back. The other figure with her revealed themselves as Jacob. He gave the former Corsair a nod of greeting. Jacob smiled back to Kaidan, and when he welcomed Anderson onboard, snapped to a sharp regulation salute to the newly appointed admiral.

Mira went over to Anderson and explained to him that he was going to be quartering in her XO's quarters, while Miranda was sharing a bunk with someone else. Kaidan watched his lover with fondness, enjoying the feeling of coming home to familiar surroundings. He pried the armored gloves off his hands and tucked them in the pack. While Mira finished talking with Anderson, Kaidan waited for her.

The deck ramp finished closing and the change of the engine vibrations under the deck plates indicated the _Normandy_ was speeding away. Kaidan grinned. "So, just like old times, huh?"

The female Spectre laughed throatily, "Funny how things come full circle. At first Hackett told me to go to Elysium but when we entered the system, I get this call from him, directing me to Kharshan. Then I had to ask why, and he replied that I had a couple of campers to pick up."

"Campers, huh? Well, no one can say that Hackett is ever obvious in his communications."

"He's on Elysium and on an unsecured channel, so he couldn't outright tell me that you and Anderson were snooping around in the Batarian sandbox."

"Gotcha. Now, that shower you mentioned?" Kaidan quirked an eyebrow at Mira.

"Come on, marine, let's get you clean." Mira grabbed Kaidan's hand and pulled him to the lift.


	30. Chapter 29 What Needs to Be Done

**All the Things That I've Done**  
**Chapter 29: What Needs to Be Done**

* * *

"I wish we had this man on the _SR1_. Then we wouldn't have had so many complaints over burnt coffee." Anderson sighed in contentment when he finished his second cup of coffee that Gardner made.

"That was one of the good things the Illusive Man gave me." Mira grinned and took a bite into the fresh oatmeal cookie her mess cook pulled out of the oven earlier in the morning. "I keep him in supplies, he keeps the crew well fed."

Kaidan had his arm stretched on the back of Mira's chair as the three of them sat at the table in the mess, relaxing for a little bit while the _Normandy SR2_ made its way back to Elysium. He couldn't help but think back to Mira's first mission where for a brief time, they were like this, sitting at the table, drinking coffee and talking about the mission. They were so young then and through the years, both he and Mira have matured and hardened into top-notch professional soldiers. Even after the two-year stretch of Mira's reconstruction, the camaraderie of the three Alliance officers remained strong. However, watching her while she chatted with the admiral, Kaidan noted the little nervous gestures in her hands and the eyes searching for something or someone to come with news, or an enemy to come out from the shadows. This was new and he wondered if it was something that he needed to be concerned with.

He felt a nudge in his ribs and brought his attention back to Anderson and Mira. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I was wondering what you two had planned next. I don't think Hackett is going to allow you to stay on the Normandy."

Shaking his head and smiling, "Who knows with Hackett from day to day. You know what happens whenever he says jump."

"You don't wait to ask 'How high' you just do as you're told." Anderson laughed.

"I'm sure with everything that is going on; he has his hands full in trying to keep the shit from flying everywhere." Mira commented.

"I don't envy the man." Anderson shook his head. "I had my fair share of that when Councilor. God, I hated sitting behind that desk and doing paperwork."

"It is good to see you back on the ground, sir." Mira reached across the table and patted Anderson's hand.

"It feels good to be back in the action!" Anderson grinned and finished his coffee. "I am going to go call Hackett and relay the mission report." He proceeded to stand up and head toward the XO quarters.

"Want to take a stroll?" Kaidan asked Mira as she sat there swirling her cold coffee.

Mira looked over to Kaidan and nodded. She slid her hand into Kaidan's as they walked out of the mess and headed to the lift. They took it down to the cargo bay, strolling out leisurely. Kaidan watched Mira closely, her fingers tapping quickly against her thigh, playing some song in her head. He had to chuckle about the old habit of hers. It was one of the endearing things he loved about the woman

"Are you alright, Mir?" Kaidan asked.

She looked over to Kaidan, biting at her lower lip before answering. "Getting that anxious feeling before the battle breaks, Kai. I have been wandering around with no leads for two weeks and I feel like I should be doing something else. And yet, part of me is so frustrated in having to run into exile, with only a few people at my side that believe the Reapers are coming." Mira sighed deeply.

Kaidan pulled her close to him and wrapped his arms around Mira. "I can understand that." He rumbled softly.

"I want to come home, Kaidan." Mira held Kaidan, pressing her cheek against his neck.

"I know, love, I know." Kaidan stroked his hand through Mira's loose hair. "Hopefully, something will break soon. After what Anderson and I saw on Khaarshan, there is no doubt that something is happening soon."

Mira sighed deeply again and Kaidan tightened his arms around her, offering his love and support to the strongest woman he knew. However, even the strongest can break and Kaidan couldn't help that Mira was nearing that point. She had been pushed for so long; it is a wonder that the Spectre hadn't had a break down sooner. Kaidan pulled back and brought Mira's face up to look into her eyes. His thumbs caressed across her cheeks lovingly. He placed a gentle kiss on her mouth and pulled away again.

"I am here for you, Mir, as is Anderson and Hackett. Plus, you have the best damn crew ever and have won over their support and trust. You are not alone."

"Funny, Hackett told me the same thing." The corner of Mira's mouth quirked a little into a smile.

"Listen to the old man, Shepard." Kaidan chuckled. "He knows us pretty well and isn't about to feed us to the wolves."

"You always know how to make a girl feel better." Mira laughed softly. "I wish I knew if I could you keep you around."

Kaidan put a finger on Mira's lips, quieting her. "In time, we will be together again, whether on the job or something more…permanent."

"Permanent?" Mira asked.

"How long have we known each other?"

"At least ten years."

"Well, during that time, I knew that you were the only woman I ever wanted. Even when I thought you were dead and I tried to move on, when I found out that you were alive, I couldn't keep away. My prayers had been answered and you came back." Kaidan smiled softly, tracing the outline of Mira's mouth with his finger. "Call it fate, kismet, destiny or whatever, Mir, but we are meant to be together. When this whole thing is over, I would like us to get married."

Mira blinked and slow smile on her face. "You are serious?"

Kaidan's mouth twitched, "You know I don't do things half-assed, Shepard. I wouldn't ask if I hadn't thought about it and decided this is what I would like. I love you, Miriam Kaitlin Shepard, and I want the honor of making you Mrs. Kaidan Rafael Alenko."

"You could be Mr. Shepard, dear." Mira teased.

He laughed, "I want people to know that you are mine, my dear. Screw IA and the Navy regs, they can't stop two people who are in love from being together."

"You bet their asses they can't." Mira kissed Kaidan, opening her mouth to let him in as it deepened. After they pulled away, flushed and a little breathless, Mira looked into Kaidan's eyes. His breath hitched, as they were the clearest blue he had not seen in years. "I will marry you, Mr. Alenko."

-/*\-

As the _Normandy_ arrived in Elysium's system, the SSV Hastings immediately hailed them. Joker got orders to move the ship to one of the far moons and wait for a shuttle that would take Kaidan, Anderson and Mira back to the Hastings to meet with Hackett. Joker looked strangely at the console and up to his friends.

"What the hell?" he said.

"Hackett is taking precaution, Joker. We are in Alliance space now and if anyone knew the Normandy was here, I have no doubt we would be impounded." Mira told the pilot.

"We can't have that. There is too much shit to do!" Joker grumbled.

"Thank god you put the stealth drive on as we got into system." Kaidan said.

"ETA?" Mira asked Joker.

"Twenty minutes. I don't like this, Shepard. I'm getting the heebie geebies here."

"For once, I have to agree with Mr. Moreau." The cool voice of Miranda said from behind them. "I've been listening in to the com traffic in system and there is a surprising lack of Batarian ships in system. Not to mention, lack of Cerberus signals."

Mira's eyes narrowed at that. The last time something similar to this happened, it was when Elysium was attacked. However, there was always a heavy Alliance patrol in system to discourage that from the trade hub. Somehow, the artifact Anderson and Kaidan found was related to this.

"After the attack on Cerberus, couldn't they be hiding somewhere licking their wounds?" Mira asked Miranda.

The woman shrugged, "I honestly don't know. Since I threw my lot in with you, the Illusive Man has been silent. The last call I had from him was rather strained and I have to admit, he didn't seem himself."

Joker snorted but kept his hands moving over the flight console.

"Whatever is going on, just keep a close eye on what is out there." Kaidan put forth. "This is a rather dangerous time and we have a lot of enemies surrounding us."

"No shit." Joker inputted in his usual delicate way.

"We better get ready. We will be arriving to the Hastings soon." Mira said and turned back toward CIC.

The trio disembarked from the shuttle and onto the _Hastings_ deck. Admiral Hackett was standing on the deck, watching them with a grim smile. His eyes brightened when he saw Mira and smiled at him.

"Permission to come aboard, sir." Kaidan asked.

"Permission granted, Commander." Hackett nodded at the naval tradition. Despite all the technological advances, military tradition was forever ingrained and unchanging. He smiled down at Mira, placing his hands on the woman's shoulders. "Welcome aboard…again, Shepard. It's been too long since you have last graced these decks."

"Thank you, sir." Mira smiled and impulsively wrapped Hackett in a hug. After the Major had died, Hackett and Anderson had become her surrogate fathers. She pulled back and straightened her uniform. Kaidan grinned and shook his head.

"I got the mission report, David. This is not good and I'm sure you noticed the lack of Batarian traffic in system."

"We did, Steven. More like Mira's XO did and brought it to our attention." Anderson replied.

"She can be trusted?" Hackett turned his gaze on to Mira, looking pointedly at her.

"Yes. She pulled me through hell and brought me back. Then her eyes opened to the Illusive Man's ambitions and got her to question what the man is truly fighting for."

"She has a top-notch crew, sir." Kaidan interjected. "A band of misfits, sure, but with their skills and attitudes, they pulled together and even surpassed the quality of the original Normandy crew." He looked at Mira and winked.

"Good because what I have for Mira is going to need a good crew to get her in and out of hostile territory."

"Sir?" Mira asked.

"Come, let's head to the briefing room and talk. I just got intel about the person I had doing some research into some Reaper information. Unfortunately, the woman has been captured." Hackett's face looked grim, as if this was something that was personal to him.

They took the lift up to the command deck and trooped into the briefing room. The circular room was similar to the old _Normandy's_ but it held a table and chairs. Hackett motioned for them to take a seat as he stood at the head of the table. Mira watched the man closely, seeing a hint of worry around his eyes. The man was deadly serious and started to explain once they settled at the table.

"Dr. Amanda Kenson is a close friend. A brilliant scientist, and one that believes in the Reapers. She has gathered research from the Leviathan of Dis and took in Ms. Sanders notes." Hackett looked at Anderson. "The last time I got a report from her, she mentioned something about discovering the imminent arrival of the Reapers and went deep into Batarian space. However, I just received word that she had been arrested on charges of terrorism." Hackett paused.

"Why are you telling us this, sir?" Mira asked.

He looked at her, a battle going on inside of him from wanting to put his best officer in this situation. "I need someone I can trust to go in and rescue her. I trust Kaidan and David with this, since we are the ones involved in finding evidence regarding the impending arrival of the Reapers. This is a personal favor to me, Mira. Just like Noveria."

Mira frowned immediately, not wanting to any reminders of that mission that involved Hackett's daughter. "These personal favors tend to go…awry, sir."

His mouth twitched. "I know but I need the best to get Kenson out of the prison camp."

"I always had a squad with me." Mira countered.

"I'm sorry, you have to do this one on your own."

"What?" Kaidan exploded. Mira laid a restraining hand on Kaidan but he still shook with sudden shock and anger.

Hackett sighed deeply and finally took a seat. He rested his hands flat on the table, staring at them for a little while before facing Mira again, along with Kaidan's hard disapproving look. Anderson was the only one that kept his composure but he wasn't happy.

"Kenson and I go a long ways back, Mira. She has saved my ass a few times during my career, and I hers. The past couple of years she has been operating deep in Batarian space, undercover, digging anything up for Reaper information or artifacts. She had tied together the Reaper and Batarian connection when Kahlee's troubles came about regarding the research she was doing on a Reaper artifact. It was unknown at that time that it was part of a Reaper but nonetheless, that was the first bout of indoctrination we have on file. Now, I got a message from Kenson that she had found an artifact and knew where it was located. That was the last I had heard before she was captured."

"Admiral, I have been going around for weeks on breadcrumbs for them to lead to nothing. How can you be so sure that this really is legitimate?" Mira asked.

Hackett sighed, "I know Amanda. She wouldn't say anything unless there was hard proof. That is how she is. She is a scientist and finding concrete evidence is vital to her before reporting anything. It is why she is one of the Alliance's best deep cover operatives.

Kaidan cleared his throat. "Why not get an Alliance operative to go in and get Dr. Kenson? Why risk Mira?"

"Because she is officially not in the Alliance anymore, Kaidan. I need someone not connected to go in there, in case something goes wrong. The political fallout of an Alliance officer infiltrating a Batarian prison would be catastrophic. The situation is tenuous enough as it is without adding fuel to the fire."

"And if Shepard is caught, we can deny her existence." Anderson added quietly.

"Especially when word is that she is working or was working with Cerberus." Hackett nodded.

"But…I am a Spectre, I can help her!" Kaidan said.

"No." Mira squeezed Kaidan's hand, quieting him.

He turned a pained gaze on her, "Mira…"

"No, Kaidan. I'm a free agent with no ties. I am the best choice to go in and do this. Plausible deniability, Commander Alenko. I'm unaffiliated with either Alliance or Cerberus, with a questionable Spectre status. Besides, if Kenson does know anything regarding a Reaper invasion, I want to be there." Mira hardened her mouth.

"She's right, Kaidan." Anderson broke the tension.

He stared into Mira's eyes, worry, fear, and even panic battling in him. But, this was what Mira does, as a Spectre and an N7 operative. Mira was the lead in the fight against the Reapers, and this was her top priority in finding and stopping the sentient machines from arriving. "Damn it." Kaidan gusted and sank back into his chair.

"She's being held on Aratoht and the prison is moderately guarded. I can't stress enough that you need to remain discreet!" Hackett told Mira.

"Loud and clear, sir." Mira responded. "I don't want to bring down an army of Batarians on my head anyway."

"When do you want her to go, sir?" Kaidan asked in a dejected voice.

"As soon as we are done here." Hackett answered. "Time is of the essence on this mission."

"Understood." Mira nodded.

"Once you bring Kenson back safely and discover this artifact, rendezvous with me back here and I will personally debrief you two."

"Yes, sir."

"Dismissed, Commander, and good luck." Hackett's eyes told Mira to be careful too. "David, stay. I have some things to go over with you." The admiral dismissed Kaidan and Mira, letting the couple have a little time together before Mira had to leave.

They walked back to the Kodiak shuttle in silence. Luckily, when the pilot saw them, he hopped into the shuttle and started preflight, leaving Kaidan and Mira alone. Kaidan's hand pulled on Mira, to get her to face him. She turned toward him, raising her chin up to look at him.

"I won't tell you how I feel about this mission but Mira, please, be careful." Kaidan pleaded to the woman he loved. "I hate saying goodbye and watching you leave." He raised a hand to brush a lock of hair back from Mira's eyes.

"This isn't goodbye, Kaidan." Mira told him softly. "It never is goodbye with you. I will be fine."

"You better come back to me, Shepard." Kaidan rasped, kissing Mira slowly.

They drew apart, giving a parting caress before Mira climbed aboard the Kodiak. Kaidan stepped back, giving the shuttle clearance and watched as the hatch closed. Mira sat back into her seat, head back, and swallowed hard against threatening tears. She swore if she made it out of this whole Reaper mess alive, she was going to retire. Leaving Kaidan was getting harder and harder each time.

-/*\-

Another burst of a shockwave loosed from Mira, giving her time to make a dash to the hacked shuttle. She yelled to Dr. Kenson to get in and sprinted to the door, slamming her back to the side of the shuttle. Her eyes scanned the cargo bay and saw three more guards arriving, guns and rifles aimed at her.

"Shepard! Get in!" Kenson yelled to the adept.

Not wasting time, Mira hopped into the shuttle and slammed her gloved hand on the controls, closing the hatch. She latched her heavy pistol at her hip and walked up to the cockpit, standing behind the doctor as she flared the engines to life and put the throttle to full. Looking at the camera view at the rear of the shuttle, Mira saw the flaming blaze stretch back on the deck and ignite the fuel canisters. Soon, the sight of stars filled the viewport as the shuttle escaped Aratoht's atmosphere.

"It is going to be a while before the Batarians get their systems unscrambled to call for help." Dr. Kenson stated as her hands flipped the autopilot on. She turned in the pilots chair and looked over Mira. "I must say, Steven sure knows how to pick the most capable officers to go into a dangerous situation."

"He should know. The man is responsible for my training." Mira quirked a smile at the doctor. Though, she was wary about the doctor. Yes, the woman was a trusted scientist and a long time friend of Hackett's but something about her made Mira feel uneasy.

"I imagine you want some information regarding why I was imprisoned." Dr. Kenson spoke bluntly. "Ask away, Commander Shepard."

"I'm sure the Batarians are not going to sit around and let you go free."

"Of course not! They don't like people who are planning to destroy their mass relays."

"Excuse me?" Mira blinked in shock.

Dr. Kenson started explaining her searching into the rumors of a reaper artifact. By happenstance, her team found information regarding the mass relay in Aratoht. The systems mass relay was an alpha relay and will be used by the sentient machines to invade any system in the galaxy in a relatively short time. Mira chewed at her lip as Kenson relayed the news to her. She asked questions regarding if anything else was discovered and how Dr. Kenson managed to get parts to use on this asteroid the group was going to use to destroy the mass relay. When she heard about the number of casualties estimated when the relay was destroyed, Mira blanched. She had no love for the Batarians but still, there were many innocents in the system that would be sacrificed. The doctor seemed to take that in rather mildly, which worried Mira.

"How did you learn about the relay, Doctor? This seems rather coincidental that this comes out now and you are planning this destruction."

"I had a vision, similar to the ones you had from the Prothean beacons." The doctor replied matter-of-factly. "We found a device on the asteroid, called Object Rho that is a leftover artifact from a dead Reaper."

"Is that wise? Prolonged exposure to those things leads to indoctrination!" Mira felt a shiver of dread run down her spine.

"Don't worry; we have taken precautions to avoid that, Commander. We have read all the reports regarding your run-ins with Reaper tech and other scientists that have had the misfortune to become indoctrinated. We are not children, Commander!"

"Still…"

"Commander Shepard, thank you for the concern but the artifact is harmless."

Mira was still uneasy and dread settled in the pit of her stomach the more she talked with the doctor. She couldn't explain why but the easy answers and the evasion of some wasn't missed by Mira's keen sense of observation. Maybe Kaidan was right when he had a bad feeling about this mission. This was turning into more than just rescuing the admiral's friend and finding what she had discovered.

"You won't mind if I see this proof?" Mira asked the doctor.

"Of course not! I wouldn't have expected less from you. I already set course for the project's base and we will be there shortly."

The mumble of voices and the grogginess pervaded Mira's consciousness. She blinked her eyes and groaned as the sedatives wore off. Here she was, waking up again on a strange lab table. She was beginning to hate this and turned her head to see a young woman inform someone that she was waking up. As Mira rose up from the table, the woman screamed and ran out of the lab, locking the door after her.

"Oh, just fucking great!" Mira spat and slid off the table unsteadily. Shaking her head clear of the sedative, Mira walked to the door of the lab and into the observation room. Picking up a datapad, Mira pressed play to hear the last recorded log entry. It seems that sedating her was the plan to keep Mira out of the way of the projects goal. Though, Mira guessed, they expected her to remain asleep for much longer. Now, to get out of there and head back to the project room so she could stop whatever Dr. Kenson had in mind.

Mira spotted an inactivated mech outside the lab and looked for the override controls before her. Thank you, Kaidan, for keeping her updated on electronics and computer skills. The override controls were found and Mira activated the mech. The defense protocols were instantly active as it shot at a fleeing scientist and enemy mechs. Guiding the mech to the door, Mira activated the self-destruct. The resulting explosion was heard through the thick glass. It got the desired effect as the door light went green and opened.

Going over to the lockers, Mira donned on her armor and grabbed her assault rifle, rocket launcher, and heavy pistol. Stretching her fingers, Mira felt better to be in her armor and the ready tingle of dark energy in her. Dr. Kenson didn't know who she was dealing with and Mira planned on getting off this rock as it set course to destroy the alpha relay. All she needed was to get to the engine controls and a communications panel to warn the Batarian authorities to evacuate.

Ramping up the dark energy in her body, Mira unholstered her heavy pistol and rushed from the med lab, heading back to the project room where the Reaper beacon was located. That thing needed dealt with first. Sprinting down the corridor, Mira heard Dr. Kenson's voice over the intercom, telling the guards to stop her. She ran into the first group halfway down the first corridor. Setting her mouth into a grim line, Mira channeled dark energy forward into a powerful kinetic wall of force. The guards slammed against the wall, losing grip of their weapons. The Spectre didn't hesitate in raising her pistol and firing a single shot into each head.

Mira continued on, knowing time was limited before the counter went off and the Reapers arrived. Failure was not an option when the entire galaxy was at stake. Popping out heat sinks when used, Mira continued pushing through the ranks of resistance with her biotics and gunfire. When she had reached the room where the Reaper beacon was and the counter, Mira strode forward. She spotted more guards and ducked behind cover. Two hours and ticking down, Mira noted quickly, setting her internal clock.

One guard tried to flank her but she released another biotic push with such ferocity that the guard's faceplate cracked on impact with the wall. Sweat trickled down her face and neck as Mira's abilities were starting to strain her body. She breathed slowly, slowing her heartbeat to keep the adrenaline from rushing through her body and wearing her down quickly.

She pulled another guard and shot him as he floated toward her. Mira went to the next guard, twisting her hand and letting a warp go on him. He screamed in his helmet as his insides felt as if they were twisting and being pulled inwards. Mira never thought much about what the effects of the warp did to a human being. It was an effective use of biotics when slowing down the enemy. The last round of her pistol coughed out, ending the guards suffering. Mira ejected the smoking thermal clip with one hand and squatted down to one of the felled guards, taking all his spare clips.

Looking at the Reaper beacon flashing in a fast rhythm, Mira glimpsed at the clock. Cursing to herself, she didn't have time to mess with the beacon. She headed for the door leading the Project Control room, picking a couple clips and medigel.

"Damn, Kaidan, I wish you were here!" Mira hissed as her body slammed into the corner of the first lift up to the Control Room.

Solo missions were a pain and this one especially when you were dealing with Reaper indoctrinated personnel. In addition, the result of this mission was a do-or-die. Still, it didn't stop Mira from wishing that she hadn't accepted to take this on for Hackett.

"Come on, Mir, time to be moving. Time is running out."

The doors opened onto the Control Room and with a pistol to her head. Mira growled and snapped out her hand to the guards exposed face, breaking his nose and then slamming the armed hand into the wall. She placed her hands around his and gave a quick jerk to the left. The man fell limply to the ground. Mira shook out her throbbing hand and stepped over the dead guard.

-/*\-

Joker's fingers tapped nervously on the armrest of the pilot's chair. "How long has it been, EDI?"

"Five minutes later since the last time you asked, Jeff."

"Damn. We should have heard something by now! Something is wrong."

"I can't reach her communication channel. Something is interfering from her location." EDI told Joker.

"Fuck!" Joker watched the screen and the ticker next to the image as EDI tracked the velocity of the moving asteroid heading to Aratoht's mass relay.

"There are shuttles leaving the asteroid. None of them have the commander's signature." EDI supplied.

"Fuck this, I'm not losing her again! Kaidan will kill me for sure!" His hands started to press on the flight panel when the crackle of Shepard's com came to them.

"Joker! Get your brittle ass here! I want off this rock, NOW! There is less than seven minutes before this system is blown sky high!"

"On my way, ma'am!" Joker called back and furiously moved the Normandy with haste to pick up their commander.

Miranda stalked into the cockpit, her mouth set in a frown, but Joker knew the Ice Queen was worried. "Was that her?"

"Yeah, and you better take a seat because we are in a rush. There ain't no stopping that rock heading to relay!"

The XO slid into the navigation chair and watched the screens. As Joker maneuvered the ship alongside the landing area of the asteroid, he handed control over to EDI and hopped out of the pilots chair and to the docking hatch. The out hatch light showed red as he opened it and waited for Mira. It was an agonized time before the green light came and the hatch pressurized. Joker slapped the inner hatch control and greeted the stumbling Spectre.

"Get back in that chair, mister, and get us out of here!" Mira snapped at Joker through her helmet. She jogged down the catwalk and towards the galaxy map in CIC.

Mira watched on the map as the asteroid closed in on the mass relay. She felt the shift under her feet as the Normandy seemed to stretch like a rubber band and then compressed back to normal. Her eyes never left the map, as the proximity of the asteroid was a pulsing blip and then brightened, cascading outward at its destruction. One by one, the planets in the Aratoht system disappeared, along with the mass relay.

Tears fell down her cheeks as Mira watched the destruction of over 300,000 Batarians, all by her hand. Reaching up to unlatch her helmet, Mira yanked it off and threw it across the CIC, nearly hitting Miranda. The woman ducked and stopped a few feet away from Mira.

"Orders, Commander?" Mira asked nervously.

"Joker knows where to go." Mira said quietly. "Miranda, you have command until further notice."

Without another word, Mira stepped off the ramp from the galaxy map and walked to the elevator. When the doors closed on the stunned faces of the crew in CIC, Mira slumped against the wall. As much as she wanted to retreat to her cabin and never come out, protocol was that she had to see Chakwas.

The door opened and Mira walked with leaden footsteps to the infirmary. No one approached Mira, taking one look at her face and steering clear. Chakwas looked up at took note of Mira's devastated look and rushed the woman to a bed.

The doctor went to a cabinet, bringing out a bottle that held a bright blue liquid in it. Reaching for a tumbler from her desk, Chakwas poured a healthy drink and took it to Mira.

"Drink up." The doctor ordered.

Mira did, downing the brandy in one long drink, wincing as the potent liquor burned its way down her throat. It helped warm the ice that was forming in her chest. As she handed the glass back to the doctor, Mira let out a huge sob of guilt, pain, and regret. Chakwas took the woman into her arms as the Alliance officer, Council Spectre, and most of all, a strong woman, shook with powerful sobs.

"There, there, Mira, let it out. Let it go." Chakwas soothed.


	31. Chapter 30 Headlong Towards Fate

The doors opened to the infirmary, admitting a barely contained distraught admiral. Dr. Chakwas went over to him, glimpsing at the sullen figure of Mira Shepard sitting on one of the beds, head down, and quiet. The adept had been like that for three hours after the tears had dried up. Mira had enough energy to type up the mission report and send it to Admiral Hackett, before relapsing into the mild state of shock. Hackett looked over to his protégé, shocked to see the state the woman was in.

"How is she, Janet?" Hackett asked the doctor quietly.

"Distraught, wracked with guilt and regret, and in shock. Physically, she's fine, especially after the toll her body took fighting so many of the enemy on her own. Psychologically, I can't say for certain."

Hackett sighed deeply, "I can't believe that this happened." He said with regret coloring his own voice. "She did everything by the book but…"

"No one is ever prepared to make these harsh decisions, Steven."

"Unfortunately, the Naval tribune will not see it that way. Major Antella is outraged and wants her apprehended immediately and the _Normandy_ impounded. I can't stop him this time."

"What are you going to do?" Chakwas looked on with worry. "You know that there are quite a few deserters aboard, including myself."

"I can grant you and the crew clemency but Shepard, no, she is a political prisoner. Kaidan is already headed to Earth to buy some time, even dragging that fool Udina into this and forcing him to cooperate. But…at least I do have an ace to play. David is still on the _Hastings_ and will be the arresting officer."

"Good. She is going to need friendly faces around her, Steven."

"Leave us be for a few minutes, Janet. I need to talk with her alone. Inform the crew what is going on. David will arrive shortly with a couple of my trusted guards. Is there a brig on this ship?"

Chakwas chuckled softly, "Mira may have wished it at times but unfortunately, no. Even when we had the mercenary leader, it was a makeshift closet."

"Shit. Being that she is an adept, no normal brig will do."

"You can't sedate her! Not after…"

Hackett held a hand up placate to the doctor, "I know, Janet. I read her report. I'm sure at some point she will be transferred while someone from the Alliance will come to impound the ship."

The doctor nodded and grasped Hackett's arm before leaving the infirmary. The aging admiral looked back to his top officer and felt regret for what he asked her to do for him. Kaidan was aware of what happened and blasted his ear in wanting to see Mira before leaving for Earth. Hackett wouldn't hear of it. There wasn't time as the batarian ambassador was demanding for Shepard's head. Technically, Mira was a Spectre but the batarians still saw any human as Alliance.

"Shepard." Hackett started.

She looked up as he walked towards her and immediately straightened up. "Sir, this is a surprise, seeing you aboard a Cerberus ship."

"Is it?" Hackett looked around, noting the doctor talking with Gardner and Garrus. The turian looked into the infirmary window, giving Hackett a nod of respect. "I see an Alliance vessel under the command of an Alliance officer."

Mira tried to smile, giving a small lift to her lips and then went back to the unhappy look. "Admiral…"

"Tell me what happened."

"You have the report." Mira told the admiral.

"I want to hear it from you."

"Take a seat, sir, this will take a while."

Hackett grabbed a stool and sat in front of Mira at the sickbed. He doffed off his cap and held it between his hands. Mira started right at the beginning when she arrived on Aratoht. He tried to keep judgment until she was done and nodded as Mira did as was expected of a Special Forces operative. The escape from Aratoht went flawlessly but when Mira paused and got a faraway look on her face, Hackett steeled himself for the rest of the story of after she and Dr. Kenson left the planet and went to the asteroid that held the doctor's research base.

The admiral crushed his cap in his hands when he heard about his friend's betrayal of Shepard. Mira went on to explain about Kenson's indoctrination, how all the guards and researchers fell to it from this Object Rho. Mira continued to tell about being knocked out, only to wake up trapped in a lab, and the clock ticking to the activation of the relay that would bring the Reapers. Mira told Hackett everything in detail and when it came to the end, she stopped before choking out the last part.

"As I watched the destruction of the system, it felt like I failed. I tried to warn the people of the system! I just wish…I just wish there was another way." She left off quietly.

Hackett laid a comforting hand on Mira's knee, patting it like a father to his daughter. "There was no other way. You did what you had to in order to delay the Reaper's return. If it were up to me, I would give you a medal. However," he sighed deeply, "politics being as they are, the batarians want blood."

"If we had known sooner, stopped this before it got too far…" Mira raised her eyes up to Hackett, dark with the whirl of emotions battling in her.

"The 'what if' isn't going to help now, Shepard." Hackett hardened his voice, hoping to stop the downward spiral of self-recrimination the Spectre seemed to be in. "You did your duty. Yes, the consequences are horrendous but you gave the galaxy a little more time before the larger threat comes."

"Sir…" Mira started to protest but Hackett gave her a steely gaze.

"What is the Special Forces mission statement, soldier?"

"Do whatever it takes to complete the mission." Mira stiffened.

"Remember that in the days to come, Commander. This isn't done and there will be more sacrifices down the road. Don't forget to be human but you have a mission, Shepard. Your mission is to keep the galaxy safe, whether it is human, turian, asari, or even batarian. Everyone's lives are at stake with the threat of the Reapers at our doorstep."

Mira straightened up on the bed, hardening her jaw as she took the admiral's mild scolding. "Yes, sir. So, what happens now?"

"You are going on trial, Mira. I can't stop that from happening. I can put it off for a short time but you will have to come back to Earth and face the music."

She gave a small nod, "I will be there, sir."

Hackett gave a small smile to her. "I'm glad to hear that. I expect you to walk in that courtroom with your Alliance blues on, head held high, and give them what for. I won't lie; the prosecutor of this case is going to be rather rough and will pull out all stops on this."

"Kaidan…" Mira whispered.

"He will be fine, Shepard. He's with Udina and because of his Spectre status, short of the Council ordering him to the stand, he won't be called to stand for the prosecution."

"How can you be so sure, admiral? Udina holds no love for us."

"True, but thanks your connections with Liara, we have some rather…compromising intelligence on the man that he doesn't want loose on the newsvid."

"Oh…oh!" Mira's eyes widened as she remembered seeing a clip of Udina on Omega in the Afterlife. A slow grin spread across her face as she shook her head.

"You know what I am talking about." Hackett chuckled. "Now, Anderson is still on the Hastings, he will be your arresting officer. With him will be a few of my trusted and loyal marines to come take possession of the _Normandy_. Tell your crew to cooperate with them. I know you have some colorful characters onboard but explain what is going on."

"Thank you, sir." Mira spoke with some shock.

"Don't thank me yet, Commander." Hackett gave her a wry smile. "I gave specific orders to Anderson to see you safely to Earth. He has one stop to do before escorting you and the _Normandy_ back home. This is going to guarantee your safety. I need the best protecting you, Shepard."

"But the best is already aboard." Mira countered.

"And are possible hostile witnesses. Not to mention you have a lot of defectors and deserters. Once back to Earth, they will be held for questioning, even if they have clemency."

"Joker…"

"Mira, don't worry! I will take care of them." Hackett promised. He rose from the stool and waited as Mira slid off the sickbed. They walked to the door of the infirmary and paused.

"Admiral, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you or Anderson on my side." Mira told him. "You two have filled in the father role after the Major was killed."

He turned to face Mira, a softened look on his scarred, craggy face. "It is an honor that you think of me that way, Mira. I have thought of you as my daughter for many years. Hence why I am going to extraordinary lengths to keep you safe, and well, pushing you to be the best."

Her eyes glittered with held back tears. Mira stiffened her posture, bringing legs together in line with her shoulders, left arm straight at her side, and snapped off a crisp military salute to her superior officer. It brought a lump to Hackett's throat to see the best soldier he served with give him a perfect show of respect. He mirrored her, returning the salute, even though he wasn't obliged to. "At ease, soldier."

"Why else are you doing this, sir?" Mira asked.

"We're Marines, Shepard. We stick up for our own." Hackett replied simply. With that said, he turned away and headed to the lift.

-/*\-

"That's fucked up!" Jack snorted.

"That's the way it is." Mira said calmly. "Either cooperate or get off the ship. I can't stop this from happening."

Gardner ground his teeth and shook his head. "Damned Alliance! And damn the Council! You are their Spectre! Why aren't they protecting you from these charges?"

"I was given back my Spectre status on the understanding that I was to remain in the Terminus Systems…discreetly. Well, I kind of blew the discreet part of the agreement." Mira sniped.

She sighed heavily and rubbed at her face, taking in the gathered crew that had assembled into the mess. Garrus, Tali, and Joker, had been with her since the beginning, as well as Chakwas. The rest, over the months of serving together and fighting alongside them, they were her crew, her extended family. They have been through hell and back. When opportunity came for anyone to jump ship, no one hesitated in remaining aboard. That spoke of the amount of respect and loyalty Mira had gained in this disparate group of individuals that Cerberus thought would betray her in the end.

"We are with you, Shepard, no matter what." Miranda spoke into the quiet mess hall. "Let the prosecution try and make the charges stick. You have an exemplary service record and quite a few commendations. What you did at Aratoht, you had to, in order to save countless millions of lives in the rest of the galaxy. You always acted as an Alliance soldier, trained specifically for the impossible missions that no ordinary soldier can do. Despite what Cerberus wanted out of you, you remained honorable to this very day."

Mira was struck speechless by Miranda's words. Joker's mouth gaped open in shock.

"Well, shit, the Ice Queen has a heart after all." Joker muttered.

"Fuck." Jack shuffled in her spot, though her face wasn't hard or all bad-ass hostile as normal. "The cheerleader is right, Shep. You brought us together and got us working as a team. You're the shit! We won't leave you to the wolves."

"Damn straight." Garrus nodded in agreement.

"I'm not leaving the _Normandy_. She is my ship, my home." Tali spoke.

The rest of the crew mumbled in agreement, nodding and smiling at Mira in encouragement. She tried to keep the lump down in her throat and the tears from spilling. She loved this crew and couldn't imagine being without them. All she needed to complete it was Kaidan. A nudge at her ribs had her turn her gaze to the pilot standing next to her.

"You're crying, Mir." Joker said quietly with a soft understanding look in his green eyes.

Bringing a hand up to her cheeks, Mira laughed. She wiped at the tears and took a deep breath. Clearing her throat, Mira held up her hand for quiet. "Since you are determined to go down with the captain of this ship, then give Admiral Anderson and his marines your utmost respect. They aren't eager to see me go to trial and if they ask for help, give it."

Another throat clearing was heard along with the appearance of Admiral David Anderson standing on the deck of the mess hall. He had a half-grin on his face as he looked to Mira. "Permission to come aboard, Commander."

"Permission granted, admiral." Mira smiled. "Dismissed, people, get back to work."

The crew dispersed, going to their stations or bunks, depending on their duty shifts. Joker stuck around with Mira as Anderson walked over with a pair of marines with him. "I'm sorry, Shepard." Anderson stated.

"Don't be, sir. I am glad it is you and not some other officer arresting me."

"Joker, don't you have a ship to pilot?" Anderson asked.

"Just making sure the commander is treated right…sir." Joker tipped his hat to Anderson and hobbled to the lift.

"Where are we going to first?" Mira asked.

"Omega. I have a special operative to pick up."

"What are they doing on Omega?" Mira quirked an eyebrow.

"Let's say he took an extended leave and this is a recall to active duty." Anderson grinned. "I have some people who will be building a brig in one of the cargo holds. I hate to do it but by regulations and for when you arrive at Earth, you have to be in it."

"Understood." Mira nodded, surprisingly calm with her fate.

"For the time being, you will be locked and guarded up in the Loft and the terminal link will be disabled. Chakwas and myself will be the only ones to see you."

Mira inhaled and exhaled slowly, hearing the terms of her incarceration. It was surreal to have this done to her and by Anderson. She could see by his face that he wasn't enjoying this any more than she did. The marines with him remained impassive but Mira thought she recognized them. Shaking her head slightly, she let Anderson and her new guards escort her to her quarters.

-/*\-

Kaidan ground his teeth as he listened to Udina prattle on incessantly about Shepard's unconscionable actions. He personally didn't like the outcome of the mission she did for Hackett but Kaidan understood that as a Spectre and a Special Forces soldier, sometimes extreme measures were needed in order to accomplish the mission. Though, Kaidan was also positive that Mira was suffering inside at the loss of so much life by her decision.

"Look, Councilor, you don't have to like her in order to help her." Kaidan hissed between his teeth at the officious man. "You owe her, for sparing the Council and not busting your ass for the 'help' you have given in the past. If it wasn't for her actions in choosing to sacrifice OUR people to save the Council, you wouldn't have this position."

"Only after Anderson was made Councilor by her recommendation!" Udina huffed.

"She made a wise choice at the time." Kaidan kept the heat out of his voice with great difficulty. "Right now, there is an ever present danger and the Council and Alliance need their best soldiers out there fighting it!"

"Oh, yes, the Reapers impending arrival." Udina sneered.

Kaidan shook his head in disbelief at the blindness of the Council members and to an extent the Alliance Parliament. Why did Hackett think that Udina was going to be a help for Mira's defense at the trial? The man was obstinate and didn't forget any slight made to him. Only by Liara's information regarding Udina's questionable activities on Omega, did they have any leverage against the man. Otherwise, he would have left Mira to the Alliance Naval Internal Affairs people to be crucified.

"You know the truth, Councilor, though the Council wants to turn a blind eye to it. Commander Shepard is not doing this for an ego trip and she doesn't have to save your collective asses again! But, being the woman and soldier she is, she will."

"How…dare you…." Udina sputtered indignantly.

"Save it, Councilor!" Kaidan raised his voice. "I know the political game and this doesn't impress me."

Udina snapped his mouth closed and glared at Kaidan. Finally, the shuttle landed at the Alliance headquarters in London. Getting up from his seat, Kaidan released the hatch of the shuttle and jumped out. He waited on the Councilor patiently before escorting the man to Major Antella's office. This was a headache and Kaidan avoided rubbing the back of his neck where his amp was, as he felt the first twinges of a migraine.

Time.

All they needed was a little time.

-/*\-

Mira waited for Anderson to return. She watched from the shadows of the hatch, as crews walked by on the dock where the _Normandy_ was berthed. Her fingers tapped out a song in her head while they were in the restraining cuffs, helping her from dwelling too much on the impending trial. Only the sound of the admiral's and his marine's footsteps on the gangway pulled her attention to their arrival.

"You aren't far off, Lieutenant. I have a special prisoner that you will be guarding as we head to Earth." Anderson's deep voice carried to her. He spotted her in the shadows and stopped. His head turned as another figure that was bloodied and in fatigues, rambled up to him. The large and heavy built man stopped and turned his head to her in the shadows.

"Commander Shepard?" His eyes widened in surprise.

"Hi." Mira said her face impassive. "Welcome to the _Normandy_."

"Um…" James Vega was stunned to see the object of his new assignment standing there, restrained and waiting patiently for Anderson's return.

"Shepard, are they done?" Anderson asked Mira.

"They finished ten minutes ago." She responded.

Anderson nodded and looked at Vega. "Lieutenant Vega, meet your charge, Commander Mira Shepard. You will be protecting her life going to the trial and through it, do you hear me? Her life is in your hands!"

"Sir, but…" Vega stammered his face puzzled and frantic. Mira then noticed that the man was far younger than she was.

"What did I say on the way here? Forget Fehl. Call this assignment your redemption." Anderson's hardened his face on the young soldier.

Vega stiffened and gave the proper response. "Yes, sir!"

"Come on, escort your charge to the brig. I'll have Dr. Chakwas meet you down there, Shepard. We aren't sure about the settings of the dampening field regarding the L5 implants and don't want to unintentionally cause migraines."

"Thank you, sir. I will let her know if there is any problem." Mira nodded and watched Anderson head to the cockpit. The other two guards, who had been at her side since arriving to take the _Normandy_, took their places behind her, leaving Vega to settle in at her side.

"Stupid question…sir, where is the brig?" Vega asked her. Mira had to smile a little at the boyish look on Vega's face.

"Follow my lead, Lieutenant. After all, I stood by and watched them build it, so I know it intimately." Mira answered and started walking toward the CIC and the lift.

They piled into the lift and went down to the cargo hold in the lower levels of the Normandy. Mira led them away from the lift after it opened and down the short corridor to the cargo hold where the brig was. The lighting was dim, as this deck didn't require a lot of power. The floor light strips provided enough light to see by. Mira felt the butterflies in her stomach as her prison was approaching. It was at least a day's travel to get to Earth, using the fastest route through the relay network. Once there, as Anderson explained, she was to be transferred to Naval Headquarters in London, held there in their facilities until the trial. Lieutenant Vega was her guard for the whole time, no one else. She hoped the kid was good because Mira didn't expect this to go smoothly and without trouble.

Grunt and Dr. Chakwas was waiting for them as they arrived. The young krogan looked at his battlemaster, asking permission to beat her guards senseless but Mira held out her restrained hands, letting him know things were fine.

"Dr. Chakwas, this is Lieutenant Vega. He is my new babysitter." Mira introduced the young soldier.

He blinked, "Babysitter? Is that what you think I am?"

Chakwas chuckled. "Don't mind the commander's sense of humor, Lieutenant. It's her way of relieving stress. So, if you have a sense of humor, you will snap back with her. If not, then you better find one fast."

"Corporal, the restraints, please." The doctor asked one of the rear guards.

One of the guards behind Mira walked around her and took her bound wrists. Taking out a magnetic key, he inserted it into the top and turned it, releasing the magnetic field of the restraints. Mira rubbed her wrists and the tingly feeling from the magnetic field. Mira walked into her temporary cell and looked around the stark walls. It contained a bunk that had a pillow and a thermal blanket, including a hidden lavatory. Chakwas activated the force field, the line of blue around the door showing any indication that it was in effect. Next, the suppression field in the cell was activated. Mira wasn't expecting the feeling of being muffled as her amp and implants went quiet.

After so many years of living with the constant low hum in her body, Mira didn't quite know how to deal with the sudden silence in her. It was disconcerting and her eyes widened.

"Is everything alright, Commander?" Chakwas asked in concern as she took note of Mira's raised blood pressure.

"Um, yeah, just a little…quiet." She turned to look at the doctor.

"What does she mean?" Vega asked.

"She's an adept. The commander has had implants since she was seventeen, when they first came out with the L3s. Since then, she has lived with constant background noise. Over time, biotics get used to the sound and don't realize it is there anymore. The cell has a dampening effect, effectively quieting the amps output frequencies."

"So, it is like losing one of your senses." Vega said.

"In a way." The doctor responded. She turned to Mira and smiled sadly. "If you experience any mild throbbing, please, let me know. Now, you, young man, let me look at that wound."

"But, I thought I was to guard the commander."

"And you will but I'm sure the commander doesn't want a trail of blood all over her ship."

"Do as she says, Lieutenant. Never cross a ship's doctor because she will always find a way to get back at you later." Mira gave a half-smile.

She didn't want to know what was going through the young man's head but he did pale visibly and went meekly with the doctor. Once they left, Anderson showed up and looked at her through the containment field. "I'm real sorry it has to be this way, Shepard."

"You do what you have to do, sir. So, the lieutenant is Special Forces?" Mira asked.

"Ah, you noticed the bloodied t-shirt."

"Across the expanse of muscles he has, it wasn't hard not to notice." Mira quirked her lips upwards in a small smile.

"That is why Hackett wanted the best to watch over you. Only a Special Forces trained soldier could effectively protect one of their own."

"But he is a rank three."

Anderson snorted. "He ranks higher than that. He dropped out before attaining rank seven. He had one hell of a mission that went all to fuck for him." He ended it at that, letting Mira know not to ask any more on the subject. "He's the best damn sniper the Alliance has, and well, his hand-to-hand is impressive. So, I would say that you are well covered for protection, Mira."

Mira sat on the bunk with a heavy sigh, hanging her head. "I really hate politics."

"I know but when the Reapers come, we can't afford to be in a war. Not when we need to all pull together and fight back against our own annihilation."

"Except for the damn things arriving on our doorstep, no one believes in the Reapers." Mira said bitterly.

"If it comes to that, it might be too late." Anderson shook his head. "Joker has us on our way to Earth."

"Peachy." Mira muttered.

Anderson nodded to two guards and left her alone in the brig. Mira lay back on the bunk and stared at the blank white wall, sighing deeply as this was a start of many days sitting in a cell such as this.


	32. Chapter 31 Threshold

He still couldn't believe it! Here he was, sitting outside the brig where Commander Mira Shepard was incarcerated. The Hero of the Blitz and the Citadel, the first human Spectre, and daughter to the notable Captain Hannah Shepard. James Vega looked at the sleeping form of the woman behind the force field. Sorrow etched her face, her eyes moving rapidly in some dream or nightmare. They would be at Earth in a couple of hours but James took Anderson's orders to heart.

"_You must protect her at any cost, Vega! Never leave her side, no matter what happens. That woman has a very important mission and it is beyond the call of the Alliance or the Council to keep her from it."_

"_Yes, sir." James said enthusiastically._

He did just that. Except to use the head, he remained at Shepard's side. They didn't really talk as she slept most of the time, even if she was mostly tossing and turning. James bolted upright when Shepard screamed and sat upright with a start on her bunk. Slapping his hand on the force field release, he rushed to her side. Her blue eyes were wide open but dark and unseeing. She whimpered as tears ran down her face.

James tentatively put his hands on her shoulders and shook Shepard gently. "Commander, wake up."

She blinked slowly, the darkness in her eyes receding. James rubbed Shepard's arms gently, trying to offer any comfort to the woman. He couldn't imagine what she was going through right now. He had his own disaster but the events of Arahtot were on a level that would send normal soldiers to the great beyond. So, why didn't Shepard break, James wondered? What was keeping this woman together?

"Lieutenant?" Shepard broke into his thoughts.

"You were having a nightmare, ma'am."

"Nightmare? I wish it were so, Vega." She sighed heavily, turning her face toward the wall. "I sometimes wish it was all a dream and I would wake up back at the cabin, like nothing happened."

"Anderson briefed me somewhat on what happened but…" James started to ask Shepard but his voice trailed off. He shouldn't be asking about a mission of a superior officer.

Shepard stared at the blank wall, silent tears still flowing down her cheeks. "The Special Forces motto is do what it takes to get the mission done. I've been living with that for over ten…ten years. I've done things that a regular soldier wouldn't. I've regretted some of my decisions but I can't wallow in the 'what ifs' too long or I will crumble."

"I hate to contradict you, ma'am, but you are starting to crack a little." This made Shepard look at James with a puzzled look. He gave her a small smile, releasing her shoulders. "Permission to speak freely, ma'am?"

"Go ahead."

"How long have these nightmares gone on? It seems that you haven't a good night's sleep in a long time and are at the point of exhaustion. That itself is enough to make any normal person crack under the pressure, given the situation that you are in."

"Are we a shrink now, Lieutenant?" She cocked her head to the side, the corners of Shepard's mouth twitching upwards a little.

"Nah. Just a soldier who has experienced something similar. You push away all the negative shit aside because you have to remain focused on the mission but eventually, it does catch up with you."

"You haven't experienced this, Vega. I'm heading to a firing squad because of my decision to sacrifice thousands of innocents, just to keep a race of sentient machines from coming to our home a little early. The Reapers are coming regardless of my slowing them down. Was what I did worth it in the end?" Shepard said bitterly.

"Was it worth it? You gave us a little room to breathe and prepare."

Shepard snorted and stared hard at the young lieutenant. "Prepare? No one is prepared! I've warned the Council until I was blue in the face, provided evidence that these…THINGS exist and what do I get? I'm ridiculed and pushed aside for making up stories to satisfy my ego. These," She held her fingers up in air quotes, such as the Turian councilor had given her, "Reapers haven't been around in 50,000 years and are not a threat now."

"You know what? Those politicians are full of bullshit." James shook his head. "Your record should speak for your integrity and honor, that what you have done and said in the past should not be easily dismissed."

"I'm glad I got a fan, Vega, for you are one of the few in this galaxy that has faith in me." Shepard lowered her head.

"Hey, I beat up a bar full of Batarians because of the shit they were saying about you over the vid." James chuckled. "'Sides, I wouldn't be here watching your fine ass if Anderson or Hackett didn't have faith in you."

Shepard shot her face up at James open comment, to which he smiled at her unabashedly. "You are a quite forward man, aren't you, Vega?"

"I tell it like it is, ma'am."

"Well, you are at least honest." Shepard chuckled.

"Good, you are laughing! Seriously, Commander, there are people out there that believe in you, more than you know."

"I know but it doesn't change the fact that I sentenced a whole system to death."

"You tried to give them warning." James sobered. "That is something."

She sighed and nudged James off of the cot. Once he moved, Shepard swung her legs over and stood up. Standing up himself, James watched as this decorated hero and soldier stretched the kinks out of her body. He bit the inside of his cheek as he couldn't help but feel a certain amount of attraction to the woman. However, Shepard was his charge and a superior officer; such intimate thoughts were best left alone.

"We have a couple of hours yet, Commander, before we arrive. Want to pass the time with a game of cards?" James grinned boyishly.

"Is entertaining prisoner's part of the job duty?" Shepard grinned.

He shrugged, "Dunno but I am bored and need a distraction. I am sure there are going to be plenty of days here like this, so we might as well get friendly."

Shepard laughed and shook her head. James couldn't help but notice that her blue eyes twinkled with genuine mirth. Good, if he could keep that twinkle in her eyes, then Shepard wouldn't sink into that spiral of despair that he noticed she was close to. He didn't know what the trial was going to be like but Shepard had to be in a positive frame of mind for the proceedings.

-/*\-

Mira laid her cards down, showing a four-of-a-kind to the lieutenant across from her. He shook his head in disbelief but slowly cocked a grin at her before laying out his hand. "Oh, come on! You cheated!" Mira cried out as she stared at the flush that trumped her cards.

"Hardly. Papa taught me a great poker face." James grinned as he sat back in his chair and laced his hands behind his head.

"No shit! I hope you wiped the floor with those Batarians on Omega!" His grin widened to which Mira laughed. "Remind me not to play against you when creds are involved."

"_Commander," _Joker interrupted the pair._ "We are approaching home relay. ETA is under thirty minutes."_

Mira stared upwards and sighed deeply. "Thanks, Joker. Take the Normandy home."

"Anderson left me some blues for you. When you leave the Normandy, he wanted to make sure you left with dignity, standing proud as an Alliance officer." James leaned over the table and took up the playing cards. "This is the time where I get to release you from the brig and escort you back to the Loft, so you can have a few moments to change and whatever."

"That is considerate." Mira said quietly. Her fingers tapped against the small crate they pulled over to use as a card table. The time was nearing for her move to a more permanent holding facility leading to her trial. Mira's thoughts turned to Kaidan and wondered at what he was doing. She hadn't heard from him since their time at the Citadel when she got back from the Omega relay. That was when he was surrounded by Cerberus and yelling at her to leave.

The two other guards Anderson left behind showed up just as James waited for Mira to walk out of the brig. Mira's implants hummed loudly after being suppressed for a few hours and caused her to wince. Shaking out her hands to relieve the prickly feeling in her hands, Mira followed her guard escort up to her quarters. When they arrived, the young marines stationed themselves at the elevator while Vega followed her inside.

"You are going to watch me dress too?" Mira questioned the lieutenant.

"If you want me to but I think that is bit inappropriate, no?" James's eyes sparked with humor.

"Good to see you do have a sense of humor, lieutenant." Mira smiled half-heartedly.

"Taking the doctor's advice, ma'am."

Shaking her head, Mira headed down to the main portion of the cabin, where the Alliance dress uniform was laid out for her on the bed, along with polished half boots and the Star of Terra winking at her in the soft lighting. Anderson thought of everything. He wanted everyone to see the accomplished hero and remind them that Shepard was no traitor. Her fingers ran over the lieutenant commander bars on the shoulders and over to the brass buttons that fastened the front of the dress jacket. A crisp white, banded collar shirt lay next to the jacket, tailored for her feminine form. Mira felt James watching her as she looked over the uniform and turned to him, eyebrow raised.

"I…I will be up here, sitting at the desk. Um, maybe play with that hamster or…something." He stammered, giving a light blush and nearly stumbling as the man walked backwards to Mira's 'office' area.

She shucked out of the everyday duty uniform and proceeded to dress. As Mira put each article of the dress uniform on, nostalgia swam over her. Flashbacks of graduation from OCS, the award ceremony after Elysium, and then after the defeat of Sovereign, flooded through her. Then came all the faces of the men and women she served with in her career, and those that died in the name of the Alliance. Ashley's warm face and irresolute faith threatened to make Mira cry as she remembered the chief reciting Tennyson.

Mira's hands shook as she buttoned the last button to her shoulder of the dress jacket. The last piece to add to the whole ensemble was her medals. Clamping her mouth tightly to keep from crying, Mira's picked up the Star of Terra and pinned it to her chest. The next medal, which Anderson had personally left for her, was the Ascension Star. It wasn't the original that was given to her, as that was lost on the SR1, but a replacement. Her hand and lips trembled, as Mira attempted to attach the medal next to the other.

"Fuck!" Mira cried out, wincing as the sharp pin stuck her finger.

"What?" James rushed down from the upper loft and stopped dead in his tracks. His mouth hung open as he gazed at Mira, dressed in formal military regalia. Snapping his body in line, he gave a sharp salute to Mira.

"At ease, soldier!" Mira blew out in exasperation, sucking on the pricked finger.

"Giving respect to the commander, ma'am." His lips twitched. "Do you need help?"

"No…" Mira snapped and hissed as her fingers failed again to get the Ascension Star closed. She yanked off the medal and was about to throw it in disgust when James' large hand took it from hers.

"You know, it doesn't hurt to ask for help once in a while, Shepard."

"I don't know why I should bother with the damn thing." Mira grumbled.

"Appearance, Shepard, it's all about appearance." James loomed over Mira as he gently poked the medal through the material of the dress jacket, in perfect alignment with the other medal and secured the clasp. He gave it a little tug to help straighten it and smiled down at her.

"Thank you, Lieutenant." Mira said and clenched her jaw against the vulnerability that she felt at the moment. Too many memories floated in her head at that time as she dressed and then this young lieutenant's respect for her made Mira feel self-conscious. She wished Kaidan was here. So much time was lost and now, she was heading to a fate that was uncertain for her career and continuance toward the fight against the Reaper's invasion.

"Commander, we have arrived at Earth station. There is a shuttle waiting to take you London, where Admiral Hackett is waiting." EDI announced.

"Thank you, EDI. EDI…tell the crew…" Mira swallowed.

"They know, Shepard." EDI said, using Mira's moniker uncharacteristically.

"It's show time, Commander." James said, a slight hitch in his throat. He clumsily cleared it and waited for Mira to precede him. On the way out of the cabin, he grabbed his pistol and attached it to his hip.

The other guards snapped to attention as they saw an officer approach. The one guard was about to step forward with the restraints but James shook his head. Mira watched the interplay and left it alone, trusting that the marine lieutenant knew what his orders were for escorting Mira to Earth.

Once they exited the elevator in the CIC and walked to the docking hatch, Mira's eyes widened in surprise to see the remaining crew of the _Normandy SR2_ lined on either side of the catwalk. Jacob's voice called out, calling everyone to attention. The resounding clap of booted feet on the deck standing together in sync, made Mira's eyes blink back tears. Men and women raised their right arm up to give her a salute, whether they were former Alliance or Cerberus.

Her escort paused at the end of the retinue, waiting. She looked over to James with a questioning look.

"You are still the captain of the Normandy, ma'am. This walk you go unescorted until you are off ship."

"Thank you, Lieutenant." Mira gave a slight trembling grateful smile.

He returned her smile and snapped a salute, followed by her other guards. Mira swallowed the lump that formed in her throat and slowly walked down the clear aisle between the gathered crew. She gave each crewmember eye contact and a nod, some a smile. These men and women survived the Collector's Base, a little worse for wear but they remained with her after Mira cut ties from the Illusive Man. As she stopped in front of the engineering team, Donnelly and Gabi, Mira took a hold of their hands.

"You have been the best team I have worked with. I hope that you will find something to do after I am gone."

"Commander, we wouldn't think of leaving the Normandy. We will demand the Alliance keep us because they need us. After all, we know the gal inside and out." The Scotsman grinned crookedly.

"They would be stupid to dismiss your expertise, Donnelly." Mira nodded in agreement.

"And me and him, we are a team. He stays so do I." Gabi chimed in.

"Just take care of my ship, you two." Mira nodded, feeling fresh tears prick at her eyes. She missed Tali, as the quarian should have been here.

Mira continued the review right to the end, where Miranda, Jacob, Jack, Garrus, Chakwas, and Grunt stood at the cockpit entry. Joker was nowhere to be found.

"For what it's worth, Shepard," Miranda started, her icy demeanor thawed, "it has been a pleasure serving with you."

"That means a lot coming from you, Miranda." Mira smiled back. "What will you do now?"

"I don't know." Miranda actually fidgeted uncomfortably. "I'm a former Cerberus agent and director. I don't think the Alliance will just let me walk freely about."

"Talk with Hackett, Miranda." Mira told the curvy woman. "He will help you. And in extent, Jacob too."

"I just might do that."

"Battlemaster," Grunt rumbled as Mira turned to him. "I want to go back to Tuchanka. Wrex said he might have a place for me in his clan."

"Then go, Grunt. I will always be your battlemaster but you are now of clan Urdnot. There is a war coming and I need you to prepare."

The large youthful krogan grunted, slamming his fist across his chest in respect to Mira. "I will help Wrex prepare the others, Shepard. We will not abandon you."

Next came Garrus, her brother-in-arms and her best friend. He had been through thick and thin with her since they chased Saren. The turian never questioned her mission or their friendship. When Mira discovered that Archangel was Garrus, she laughed at the irony but was happy to be reunited with an old friend. Garrus never thought twice about Shepard being who she was. After all, he was loyal to her and even if she worked with the Reapers, Garrus would be there at her side.

"This isn't over yet, Shepard. They can't keep you locked up forever on such flimsy charges. There is no concrete proof."

"That may be, old friend, but even if charges were dropped, I'm most likely will be losing my commission and Spectre status. "

"They can't do that!" Garrus growled.

"Garrus, they can. I am still an officer of the Alliance Navy and Marine corps."

"But the Reapers!"

She laid a hand on his arm to calm the avian alien, looking into his dark blue eyes. "It will be alright. Stop fighting everything, Garrus. If you see Kaidan…"

"Pfft, tell him yourself, Shepard. He won't be away from your side come the trial. And if what Anderson says is true about dragging Udina out here, you bet he will be there in the courtyard, at your side."

"Take care, Garrus." Mira gave him a shaky smile.

"Be good, Mira, and be strong." Garrus patted at her shoulder and grinned.

As she turned to face the docking hatch, Mira noted the open door and the awaiting Alliance soldiers to escort her to the shuttle to London, home to the Alliance Parliament. She felt Vega's looming presence behind her. Mira was saddened to have not seen Joker before disembarking the Normandy. Sighing deeply, she took her final steps off the ship she commanded for nearly the past year.

"Shepard!" the pilot's voice called out behind her. "Where do you think you are going?"

Her mouth twitched as she turned toward the voice of the gimp pilot hobbling as fast as he could on his strengthened legs. "In case the memo didn't reach your desk, I have a reservation at the lovely hotel Alliance Naval brig."

The snarky pilot snorted and stood in front of Mira and her guards. He eyed them suspiciously and Vega outright hostilely. "Then you are forgetting something, Commander." Joker straightened as upright as he could, wincing only the tiniest bit before giving the only salute of respect to an officer in the Alliance Navy ever. Hackett and Anderson never received a salute from Jeff "Joker" Morreau. When Mira nodded acceptance, Joker grinned crookedly and doffed off his ball cap. Turning it in his hands, he looked up at Mira and gently placed it on her head.

Leaning in to her, kissing at Mira's cheek, Joker whispered in her ear. "You better bring this back to me, Mir. This is on loan, you hear?"

"I will fight to keep this hat with me until I see you again, Jeff." Mira promised as she looked straight into his green eyes.

Joker swept Mira into a huge hug and held her for a couple of minutes, heedless of crushing the dress uniform into wrinkles. Thankfully, the material was wrinkle-proof and Mira didn't need to worry about looking out of uniform.

"Commander, it's time to go." Vega politely informed Mira.

Mira stepped away from Joker, her eyes shining now as she swallowed back the tears. She had to remain strong and not show the new escort any weakness. The pilot nodded to her and gave Mira a shooing gesture. Getting one last glimpse of the Normandy family, Mira turned away and faced an uncertain future.


	33. Chapter 32 Come What May

Mass Effect: All the Things That I've Done  
Chapter 32 - Come What May

-Two Weeks after returning to Earth, London—

The chaos of the courtroom filled her ears, as the judges tried to regain order. Reporters flashed their cambots and lights, shouting out questions, and the Batarian delegates raised their own voices, glaring hatefully toward Mira. She ground her jaw, trying to keep from speaking out at the numerous lies the Batarians were saying about the incident at Bahak system. There was no conclusive proof, as it was all destroyed, so many of the charges of genocide were baseless. Udina was a lousy counsel but Mira was thankful that Anderson was there for support. Her eyes roamed behind her, hoping to catch a glimpse of Kaidan but he wasn't in the crowd. Mira started to worry at her bottom lip but let it go. James guarded her back, standing impressive and intimidating to the Batarian delegates.

"ORDER!" The head judge took a guard's pistol and shot it straight in the air. The loud gunshot got everyone's attention and silence fell. "Now, everyone sit down and let's proceed with the trial. Counselor Kharesh, do you have any witnesses to call?"

"I have no further witnesses." The batarian blinked all four of his eyes. He folded his hands on the table and looked over to Mira grimly.

Leaning to Udina, Mira caught his eye. "I hope you have an ace up your sleeve, Counselor."

"We may not agree on many things, Shepard, but don't worry about being sentenced away on some prison planet." The man scowled at her.

"Counselor Udina, do you wish to call any further witnesses for the defense?"

Udina stood up and leaned on his hands that spread on the tabletop. "Yes. I would like to call Admiral Steven Hackett to the stand."

This brought a flurry of shocked surprise and whispers rolling across the courtroom and threatening to disrupt the trial again. The judge banged the gavel on the bench hard, calling order. Mira was shocked that Udina would call Hackett to the stand. The doors banged open, leading all heads to the new person entering the court. Hackett was dressed in full Alliance blues, braid and medals polished and glinting in the light of the room. His scarred visage looked grim and foreboding, making people scoot away from the man as he strode down the aisle to the witness box.

The human Counselor stepped from behind the defense table and approached Hackett after he was sworn in. Hackett was a figure that was larger than life. His average looks fooled people to believe that he was of no consequence, but anyone who knew the man's reputation and career, heeded Hackett's orders and impeccable military decisions. He didn't spare a glance at Mira while Udina was pacing slowly in front of him. Mira rubbed her palms on her thighs, nervous as to what was going to happen. It was the logical choice to have Hackett testify, as he sent her on the mission to go after Dr. Kenson. The admiral was also the chief of the Alliance Special Forces. This wasn't making the Batarian delegates very happy to have this man on the stand.

"Admiral Hackett, please tell the court what you are in charge of." Udina intoned drolly.

"I am the commanding officer of the Alliance Navy 5th Fleet, and head of the Special Forces tactical group."

"And what is the mission statement of the Special Forces."

"Do what it takes to get the job done." Hackett replied neutrally.

"This involves what exactly?" Donall Udina inquired, glaring at the admiral.

"The Alliance Special Forces act as a special unit that goes into situations where a normal soldier are not capable or equipped to accomplish a mission, whether it is intelligence or an extraction."

"Do missions often involve going behind enemy lines?"

"Yes."

"These missions are for Alliance interests, correct?"

"Most of the time. We do occasionally team up with other governments in joint ventures." Hackett gave the minimal explanation, not elaborating any more than was needed to the people of the court.

"The latest mission that Commander Shepard did, what was the nature of the mission?"

"It was an extraction of a prominent scientist being held prisoner illegally."

"The prisoner was a Dr. Amanda Kenson, correct?"

"Yes."

"How did you find out that she was being held prisoner on Arahtot?"

"The news was leaked to Naval Intelligence."

"Were you close friends with Dr. Kenson?" Udina boldly asked Hackett.

Hackett narrowed his eyes a little, hardening his gaze at the counselor. He couldn't withhold the truth or lie, as he was under oath to tell the truth. His eyes flickered briefly to Mira as she watched her mentor being grilled on the stand. Udina stood in front of Hackett, waiting for an answer.

"I was." Hackett replied.

Another round of murmurs filled the stands. Mira didn't know where Udina was going with this line of questioning but it looked as if it was going to compromise Hackett's integrity regarding sending her to extract the doctor from the batarian prison, letting personal judgment interfere with professional reason.

"So, not only was Dr. Kenson a well documented scientist but a friend of yours. Was this mission a conflict of interest over any other mission you sent Commander Shepard on?" Udina forged on, keeping his voice even. Mira's fingers dug into her thigh at the grilling, praying Udina knew what he was doing.

"No. She may have been a long time friend, but Dr. Kenson was a professional. When she failed to report in with her regular reports, I naturally investigated why."

"But why contact Commander Shepard, since she no longer had her commission and was in the employ of Cerberus."

"She never lost her commission, counselor." Hackett said with steel. "When her status of being alive and well was known, Commander Shepard was placed back on active duty, under the guise of deep cover status. I had every right to contact her to do this sensitive mission, considering her past record. She was already off the grid and the closest operative to retrieve Dr. Kenson."

"And you could trust her to keep things quiet." Udina confirmed.

"Yes."

Udina paced across the floor in front of the witness stand again, head bowed as if he was thinking. Mira was growing impatient with this slow line of questioning, wondering what the officious man was doing. She still had nightmares about how the events at the Alpha Relay went down, and no amount of punishment from the Alliance tribunal would equal to the scars she had.

"In your testimony, you stated that you debriefed Commander Shepard afterwards. Everything that she relayed is noted and official. Do you agree with her decision to destroy the relay?"

A low rumble sounded through the courtroom. Mira could feel James behind her shift on his feet and step a little closer to the back of her chair. It was a shocking question and even though Hackett had told her she did what she had and would award her, to have him openly admit that it was a difficult decision but considering the circumstances, the best choice, was putting his admiralty on the spot.

"Commander Shepard took care of a threat to millions of lives, counselor. Neither outcome was desirable, given the choices she had before her, but she at least attempted to warn the citizens of the system before destroying the relay. The situation that cut off her warning precipitously was beyond her control. So, to answer plainly, given the choices, yes, I agree with the commander's decision."

Mira let out a breath just as the courtroom exploded with voices. The Batarian delegates stood up forcefully and started to yell their discontent at Hackett's admission. Udina looked to Mira, his face grim. Giving a slight nod to her as he was about to clinch the defense to dismiss the war crimes and genocide charges against Mira.

A loud forceful banging of the gavel got the crowd under control again for silence. The judge wasn't happy at the constant interruption of the proceedings and tried to steer things back on course. Udina waited for the noise level to die down and the Batarians were seated again before continuing. Hackett looked on grimly, not providing anything to the media in the courtroom that could be taken out of context.

Udina cleared his throat before speaking. "Thank you, Admiral, you are dismissed." Udina nodded to Hackett to step down, which the man did and walked over to the benches behind Mira, taking a seat behind her.

"Ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is a case of one soldier doing their job. The decisions made were not the best but given the situation, Commander Shepard took the best course she could. There are no substantial evidence from the Batarians regarding the war crimes and genocide accusations placed on Commander Shepard. As a Special Forces operative, they are the ones that make the difficult decisions in order to accomplish their goals. They cannot afford to fail! If they fail, then others suffer from that failure. Commander Shepard is a many times decorated hero and officer of the Systems Alliance Navy. She is a decorated hero of the Council. This proves this woman's integrity regarding to completing and succeeding in her missions!" Udina glared out at the crowd in the courtroom.

Mira blinked in surprise at the forceful speech, for she never thought the man would offer her any praises.

"There are things out there we don't understand and we may never know the full extent of what truly was happening at Bahat. Only those that survived that incident know and they have given and corroborated each other's testimony. Your honor," Udina addressed the head judge. "I ask that the charges be dropped and this trial dismissed. There is no conclusive proof that Commander Mira Shepard has willingly committed genocide of the Batarian people."

There was a pause as Udina finished his closing argument. The judge nodded to him to take his seat and looked out over the crowd. "If there are no further witnesses or questions, I will convene this court until 1100 hours tomorrow morning. This session is dismissed."

The rustle and talking of the people getting up to leave swam over Mira. She sat there in a daze at what happened and that tomorrow, the verdict would be reached, and thus, the status of her career and life would be decided. James tapped her shoulder to get Mira's attention. Nodding numbly, she stood up and looked to Udina.

"As I said, Shepard, we may not see eye-to-eye on a lot of things but I don't think you are a genocidal maniac. I do understand the pressures you Special Forces types are under. I just don't agree with your…politics."

"Fair enough, counselor." Mira bent her head to the man.

"Commander, we need to get you out of here before the feeding frenzy starts." James commented.

"I agree with the Lieutenant." Hackett rumbled at her side.

They made their way out of the courtroom and immediately swarmed by the media crowding in their faces. Hackett nodded to James to get Mira through while he pandered to the reporters. Hackett spread his arms out; keeping the reporters contained to his sphere while James grabbed at Mira's elbow and rushed her away from the mob.

They rushed down the corridor to the back stairs. James called in the secured shuttle for Mira, to get her safely back to the Detention Center. Once they reached the doors to the outside, an awaiting detail took Mira and rushed her to the shuttle. Inside the shuttle, Anderson waited for her to settle into a seat across from him.

"Anderson!" Mira cried in surprise.

"Good to see you too, Shepard!" he smiled. "I was listening to the proceedings on the vid. I may not like the man, but Udina did well with your case."

"Now to wait for the verdict." Mira bit at her lip.

"It will be fine, Mira." Anderson patted her knee. James slid into the shuttle beside Mira and banged on the door to the pilot. "It is good you are heeding my orders to the letter, Lieutenant."

"What can I say; the Commander has been an easy assignment. And well, life isn't boring around her." He grinned.

"No, it isn't but I think I would like 'boring' once in a while." Mira chuckled. "Any news?"

Anderson knew what she was asking about, regarding news about the Reapers but he shook his head. "Nothing. Everything has been quiet lately. A little too quiet, if you ask me."

"And the world is holding its breath, like the calm before a storm." Mira shook her head slowly.

=||N7||=

Everyone waited in the courtroom, quieter than they had been yesterday. Mira was dressed brilliantly in her dress blues, the picture of a poster soldier. Her brown hair gleamed with golden highlights as the morning sun streamed through the windows and onto her head. As it was longer now than she had it in years, Mira had twisted the length back into a chignon, pins holding it in place. James approved of the appearance of cool confidence that she exuded. If it was him, he would be sweating through the uniform within the first few minutes of the reconvened trial. Even so, he was dressed in full ACU's today, shirt and all, sidearm on his hip, boots polished and his face cleanly shaven. This was an important day, for the outcome of Commander Shepard's future was dependent on the verdict given by the judge's bench. Luckily, this trial was done by the Alliance Navy and not a civilian court.

The door to the judges chamber opened, three serious faced military men and women in dress uniforms approached the bench, standing behind their respective chairs. The head judge took up the gavel and banged on the block twice. "This court is now in session."

Reporters, onlookers, officers and enlisted, and Shepard supporters, took their seats on the benches. James remained standing behind Mira as she seated herself, along with Udina. The door to the courtroom opened and let in Admiral Anderson and Hackett, who quickly found seats on Mira's side of the room. When everything and everyone quieted down, the judge banged the gavel again.

"Lieutenant Commander Miriam Kaitlin Shepard, please rise." The head judge called to Mira.

Mira stood up, tugging on the hem of the jacket to straighten it and rested in parade rest stance. Her face was a neutral mask that to those that knew her knew the command face quite well. It was how Mira dealt with tough decisions, hiding herself behind the commander's role. Good commanders learned to perfect that mask to the outside world, so their own emotions wouldn't bring morale down on the crew when in a tough situation. If the crew knew that their leaders were just as scared or panicked by what would happen next, nothing would get accomplished in succeeding at a mission.

"Given the testimony of the crew of the SR2 Normandy, mission reports, and testimonies of your superior officers and other witnesses,…this tribunal finds no grounds for voluntary genocide, or evidence for wrongful and purposeful violation of Systems Alliance accords with the Batarians in regard to war crimes. While the circumstances of the mission are unfortunate, going over the careful decisions and implications that Commander Shepard faced, she is found to have executed her duty to best of her ability. There was warning given before communications were cut, thus Commander Shepard did try to spare life."

The judge paused and that was when chaos broke in the courtroom. Mira stood there, holding her breath, not believing what had been said. However, as the gavel sounded for order, she knew there was more.

"However, in the light of Commander Shepard's status, having previously worked with Cerberus and not officially reporting in to headquarters for proper reinstatement, failing to contact superior officers regarding her debriefing of her service with a terrorist organization, and thus considered AWOL from duty, here is your following sentence.

"Lieutenant Commander Miriam Kaitlin Shepard, you are hereby stripped of your command and commission from the Systems Alliance military and Special Forces. The Normandy is remanded to Alliance custody to be recommissioned as an Alliance vessel, pending assignment of a new captain. The Council has also informed us, that your Spectre status has revoked, in lieu of this decision. You will remain in probation for a period up to eighteen months in the Edmonton Detention Facility. You will be monitored, with Lieutenant James Vega assigned as your guard. You are required to report to Major Caleb Antella for your probation."

Mira took the sentence with stride, hiding the fact that it disheartened her deeply. There were Reapers coming and she was stripped of rank and to be held in a minimum security facility. Really, the detention center was used more for diplomatic prisoners and witness protection, than anything criminal. It was attached to the navy's headquarters and thus, Mira wasn't going to be that far at all from the navy's eyes. They wanted her close by and Mira couldn't understand why, after stripping her rank and command. At least James was assigned to her, Mira sighed thankfully.

"Do you understand the terms of your discharge and sentence, Commander?" the judge asked Mira.

"Yes, ma'am, I do." Mira responded.

"Lieutenant Vega, please escort your charge to the judge's chambers for final processing of the sentence."

Mira felt James' touch on her elbow and looked up at him. He gave a small nod and escorted Mira to the door next to the judge's bench. Her eyes caught sight of a familiar dark head and frowned when it was lost among the clamoring throng of people in the courtroom. They went through the door and stopped before a stiff man in Marine dress uniform. The tight buzz cut of his hair, cold gray eyes and piggish nose, spoke to Mira that this was the head of Internal Affairs himself, Major Caleb Antella. He gave her the briefest of nods but his eyes held cold disdain. Where on one aspect Mira was thankful to get James as her guard, to have this marine as her probation officer was a subtle blow regarding the Alliance's faith in her.

"Shepard, take a seat." Antella said, holding a hand out to the empty chair at the small table in the chambers.


	34. Chapter 33 Changes

**Mass Effect: All the Things That I've Done  
**Chapter 33 – Changes

A few days after Mira's judgment, Kaidan was approached by Anderson at the naval headquarters in Vancouver. He hung around the headquarters of the Navy, hoping that he could attempt to see Mira. However, Major Antella was always close by and he kept his distance from the IA officer, who happened to be Mira's probation officer. It was still hard to believe that she was no longer an officer, just a civilian under house arrest at the headquarters detention center. Kaidan guessed that the Defense Council wanted Shepard close by but why, was beyond his guess. The Alliance didn't believe Mira any more than the Council did about the Reapers coming.

"Major!" Anderson greeted Kaidan. Kaidan grinned at the newly reinstated Admiral. The old man looked happier than he had been in years, now that the shackles of the Council position were no longer tying the man down.

"After being called Commander for a while now, Major is taking getting used to. But I'm glad to be back in the Marine branch, sir." Kaidan said.

"Good, good. I got a proposition for you, if you have a few moments to hear me out."

"I do." Kaidan's smile dimmed.

The men walked down the corridor to the area of the sprawling Alliance military complex where various food vendors and a cafeteria were centralized. Kaidan went for a coffee and muffin while Anderson only had coffee. They sat down outside in the bright sunlight, the view of Vancouver's harbor laid out before them. Kaidan loved it, considering this was his home. Ever since dragging Udina back to Earth, Kaidan had cancelled his lease on the Citadel apartment, had his and Mira's belongings packed and shipped back to Earth, back to the house he grew up in. Aidan Alenko was overjoyed to have his son back home, even if the circumstances were dire.

Kaidan wanted to remain close to her, even if apart by regulations and Alliance officials. It was a good opportunity to see the reports about the overhaul of the Normandy too. He was happy to hear that most of the crew was released on their own cognizance and a few old faces that survived the first Normandy's destruction, come back to do the overhaul.

"How's Shepard?" Kaidan asked Anderson.

"She's doing as well as expected. I'm surprised that Antella set her up in a decent set of apartments for her house arrest. The man is a prig but at least you can count on him to be polite."

"Heh, sure. He's a hard-nosed, by-the-book, grunt."

"That may be, Major, but since the trial focused on the Bahak incident, he could find no regs or justification to add to the charges without dragging a lot of dirty laundry into the open for all who watch ANN to see."

"At least I'm thankful for that." Kaidan took a careful drink of the hot coffee. "My testimony seemed damning to me."

"You gave your own honest assessment. You were key to her character, Kaidan." Anderson looked seriously at the younger man.

"I know." Kaidan sighed. "But I had my doubts about her at times, before we kissed and made up." He chuckled a little.

"At least Mira has the best and most trustworthy babysitter that could be afforded to her. Lt. Vega is loyal and a good man."

Kaidan felt a twinge of jealously that the hulking Marine was constantly with Mira but tamped it down. The man was a few years younger than Shepard and Kaidan knew she liked her men 'seasoned'. "So, what is this proposition that you have?"

"I'm forming a new special unit in preparation for the Reapers imminent arrival. This would be right up your alley to lead and teach these young officers and enlisted real combat tactics. This unit is the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company. This specialized group has been specially picked for this company, Kaidan. A lot of them are Kahlee's own students that graduated from Grissom and are well aware of the threat that is looming."

"I don't know about this, Anderson. I mean, I can lead a squad into fire but teaching?" Kaidan shook his head. "Most of these students are L4s and are beyond me in the biotics."

"Not so, Kaidan, you are selling yourself short. You have proven that you far outstrip what that L2 should be capable of doing and keep you stable. I am looking for an experienced veteran, though, for these young men and women, who have seen and been up close with a Reaper and indoctrinated. You and Shepard have perfected group tactics with your biotics, forming powerful combinations that got the job done."

"That comes from anticipating Mira, Anderson. You know how close…"

"Kaidan, she rode your ass hard and expected a lot out of you. You rose to that challenge."

Kaidan had to chuckle. "Aye, that she did."

"I expect you to do that to these people. Make them into a formidable special ops unit that is unconventional and able to do anything new to get their goals accomplished."

Kaidan wrapped his hands around the cooling coffee and stared down in its depths for a while. He couldn't say that he never taught before, as back in OCS, Kaidan had helped tutor his classmates when they faltered with a throw or pull. One good thing came from Jump Zero, Kaidan was more advanced with dealing out dark energy than the first year students at the Academy. Mira believed in him, knew he could do anything that he put his mind to. All that Kaidan needed was confidence in himself, which he had found over the past couple of years since the first Normandy's destruction.

"I don't know, Anderson." Kaidan said honestly. "What about my Spectre duties?"

"You still can do those but I know that assignments are not coming from the Council, so this shouldn't interfere. Tell you what, before you say no, think about it first. We need the best to train these young men and women. Mira can't, so the next best choice is you."

"Mira wouldn't anyway." Kaidan cocked a crooked grin.

Anderson laughed. "No, she has her goals set on one path and doesn't have the extra time to sidetrack herself."

"And there is the fact her past would hinder her efforts." Kaidan sobered.

"True."

"I'll think about it." Kaidan told Anderson.

"That is all I ask, Major." Anderson got up from the table and went to walk away when Kaidan stopped him.

"When can I see her?"

Anderson closed his eyes and sighed deeply, "It wouldn't be wise to see her, Kaidan. Not yet."

Kaidan dropped his head and grimaced. He ground his teeth at the disappointment but understood the reasoning why his visiting would not be favorable. "Tell her…" he paused. "Let her know that I'm…"

"I will, Kaidan." Anderson reached over and squeezed the man's shoulder.

=||N7||=

_Fire…screaming…echoes of pain, fear, and anguish tore through the chaos of her running down an endless ruin of a city. Alliance soldiers lay dead or dying, crying out to her; friends pleaded to Mira to help. Then the dread voice of doom invaded the nightmare, calling for humanity's destruction…and for her sacrifice._

Mira sat up suddenly, cold sweat running down her face. Her eyes moved around the dimmed bedroom and to the door that led to the small living area of the apartment. A dark figure stood in the doorway, rubbing at his face. Walking over to her bed, the man sat down and looked at Mira with concern.

"Hey, Lola, what's wrong?" Vega said quietly.

She shook her head and turned her face away. James put his hand on her chin and turned her face back to him. "It's nothing, James." Mira rasped.

"Bullshit. I'm here to look out for you and you, Lola, aren't going to send me away by saying 'it's nothing.' You woke me up with your thrashing about, so come on, talk to me."

Mira sighed deeply and brought her knees up to her chest. James moved to accommodate this but watched her face. "It's the same nightmare and each time I have it, it gets progressively more vivid and heart wrenching. I don't know if I can continue doing this!"

"Hey, hey," James' face dropped as he wrapped his arms around the shaking woman. "What kind of talk is that? You have too much to live for, Shepard, to give up so easily. So, you are being detained, big deal, this is temporary."

"Is it?"

"Yeah. You aren't alone, Commander."

"Stop calling me that. I'm not a Commander anymore."

"You will always be Commander Shepard, Lola." James pulled back and caught her gaze. He couldn't help but have a crush on the woman. She was beautiful, smart, and a tough bitch, even when miserable,. The kind of woman he liked. However, she was holding onto someone and thus, he didn't have a chance to be anything other than a confidant and friend.

"I'm just tired, James, so tired." Mira said in a quiet despondent voice.

"Come on, I know what will pick you up from this un-Shepardlike behavior." James stood up and pulled on Mira's hands.

"What are you doing?"

"We are going out."

"But…" Mira pulled and started to protest.

"You, Lola, need a drink." James smiled widely as he grasped Mira's hand and pulled her out of bed and from the bedroom.

They went to the door and Mira protested she was in her nightclothes. James looked at her shapely body, grinned, liking the tight Academy shorts and cropped t-shirt. He said she looked fine and went to the front door of the secured apartment. One thing about being her live-in guard, James had access to open the door. The scanner scanned his retina and the door clicked open. James tugged on Mira and hastened their pace through the quiet corridors, toward somewhere that he could snag a bottle of liquor or two. Sneaking into an office, James grabbed a bottle of whiskey and a tumbler. Winking at Mira, he led them through a sparsely lit corridor and to an outside door. The door took them to a closed-in garden that overlooked the harbor.

"James, we are going to get in trouble!" Mira hissed.

"Nah, we won't. I'm your guard and protector, still watching his charge. Now, come on, there is this perfect spot to see the whole harbor and the night lights."

Mira bumped into his back when James suddenly stopped at the edge of the garden. She stepped from behind him and stopped. The view before her was breathtaking. The Vancouver harbor lay before her, quiet and serene, the lights of the city shining on the water, along with boats floating serenely out there. She imagined that Kaidan was somewhere over there, as he mentioned this was his home. The night was a little chilly and made her shiver. James looked down at her and grinned boyishly.

"Have a seat, Lola." He proceeded to sit down on the dewy grass and cracked open the whiskey, pouring a generous amount into the tumbler. Taking a small sip and sighing in pleasure, he handed it to Mira. "Drink up."

"You are trouble, Lieutenant Vega." Mira smiled timidly.

"Hey, you need to live your life. It's too short to go moping about after bad dreams and missed love."

Mira took a healthy drink of the whiskey, her face flushing immediately as it burned down her throat. The last time she had drank whiskey was when Kaidan came onto the Normandy and they shared a bottle over talking about many things that stood between them. The fire of the drink warmed her that the night's chill didn't bother Mira anymore.

"It hasn't been an easy life to live, James. I've been trained and lived the life of a spec ops officer for over ten years. I become a hero when all I was doing was my job. I never asked to be a hero or a savior! Now, I feel like the harbinger of doom and no one wants to hear my message."

"People are scared of the unknown, Mira. Nothing changes that, it is just human nature."

"If they have only seen what I have…" Mira shook her head and then threw back the rest of the whiskey in the glass, handing it James to pour more.

"Take heart, many of us believe you and we are shitting because very little is being done to prepare for this threat." James growled as he poured more of the amber liquid into the glass.

"I fear that it is only going to be a matter of surviving. There isn't enough preparation for something that is set on your extinction." Mira took a slower drink of the whiskey and stared out over the night harbor.

James watched Mira, his heart going to her, the battle-worn and scarred soldier that had his admiration for all that she accomplished in her career. He followed her caree, watched all the newsvids on Mira Shepard. This larger than life hero was just as fragile and vulnerable as the rest of the soldiers in the Alliance Navy and Marines. When Anderson told him his charge was to be Commander Shepard, James crowed inside at the luck of drawing this assignment.

"So, who is he?" James asked.

"Excuse me?" Mira looked sideways at James.

"Who's the special guy? I see you wear that dog tag and know it isn't yours. When you lost your commission, they took your tags."

Mira looked down at the glinting dog tag in the night. "Someone I met a long time ago that I've been through hell and back with."

"Lucky man." James said quietly, a little jealous that softened expression Mira shown briefly was for someone who captured her heart. He wished he knew that kind of love. Raising the bottle to his mouth, James took a large swig of the fiery liquid.

They sat silently, enjoying the quiet peacefulness of the late night air, with only the occasional shuttle or fighter flying by. Mira got a little tipsy and giggly after the last drop was finished, and James was flushed from the drink. Still, they both may be buzzed but neither was drunk. Mira leaned her head on James' shoulder and sighed.

"Thank you."

"It was nothing."

Mira peered up at James through her lashes, crinkling her nose. "Bullshit."

James chuckled, "Okay, I deserved that. Really, it was nothing I wouldn't do for a friend."

"Mmmhmmm." Mira said fuzzily, her head growing heavy on his shoulder.

"What are we going to do with you, Lola?" James whispered, resting a cheek on her head and then turning to gather Mira in his arms, he stood up to head back to her 'prison'.

Once he stepped back into the headquarters complex, James groaned as Anderson stood in front of him, arms crossed and a stern expression on his face. "Lieutenant."

"Admiral…" James started.

"Save it. Be glad I caught you and not Antella."

"Was just getting a little bit of fresh air, sir."

"Uh huh, and drinking my whiskey."

"It's been a bad night." James frowned.

"The nightmares?" Anderson asked in fatherly concern.

James nodded and the men continued down the halls to the detention wing. "She didn't say much but seeing her with terror in the eyes, sir," James shook his head. "I am scared for her."

"What else did she say?"

"She's tired and doesn't think she could continue."

"That isn't good." Anderson frowned.

"I know how she is feeling, sir. Shepard is feeling lost, has no purpose or direction anymore. It's a bad place for a soldier to be, especially a career one."

"Lieutenant, you need to keep her out of this funk. Talk to Major Antella about allowing supervised trips to the gardens or somewhere else. We know she is monitored and you are constantly there, so there won't be any problem."

"What about this guy of hers?"

"What?"

"Why can't this guy of hers see her?" James asked.

"Uh…that is a little difficult."

"How so?"

Anderson debated on what to tell James and how much. If Mira hadn't said anything about Kaidan and their relationship, he didn't think it was his place to mention it. "Let's just say that a visit by him isn't advisable at this time."

James stared at Anderson and shrugged. They reached the door of Mira's apartment and saw to settling her back to bed. Hopefully, with the whiskey, Mira wouldn't have the bad dreams. James saw the admiral to the door and wished him good night. After that, he went back to Mira's bedroom and settled into the overstuffed chair off to the side of the bed, watching the woman sleep.

-=||N7||=-

After thinking about Anderson's proposition for a couple of days, Kaidan decided to accept. Why not do special training of a biotic special forces task group? What else was on his plate right now? He couldn't go see Mira and at present, he was staying on Earth with no new orders from the Council. It was funny, even when he was inducted and found Mira on Omega, Kaidan hadn't done much with his Spectre status. He worked with Anderson and Hackett and then dragged Udina from the Citadel to represent Mira in her trial. He hated that Mira was locked away at HQ's detention center, so close to touch but still far apart from him. But in a sense, while she lost her commission, the Alliance Navy still needed her expertise and wanted to keep their top officer from the rabid batarian hounds from seeking their own brand of justice.

Kaidan arrived to his assigned set of rooms and met a raucous group of men and women talking and laughing in the classroom. He gathered they ranged from the range of twenty to thirty, both enlisted and officer ranks. Kaidan had to shake his head, thinking back to his own days back in OCS on Arcturus with his classmates. Some things never changed.

Clearing his throat loudly, Kaidan entered the classroom. When his throat clearing didn't settle the students, his body flared with a corona of dark energy and he flashed out a ball of power toward the far wall. That got the students attention as they stopped and stared at their new commanding officer.


	35. Chapter 34 Restless

**Mass Effect: All the Things That I've Done  
**Chapter 34 – Restless

-Three months before invasion—

"I'll keep your secret, EDI." Chief Adams told the Normandy's AI.

"Thank you, Chief." EDI said in response. "With the Alliances fear of AI's I didn't want to risk getting purged from the Normandy."

"Joker trusts you, so that is enough validation for me that you are stable and to be trusted. Besides, your knowledge of the systems has been immensely helpful. Cerberus did great work on the Normandy's improvements. The drive core is a work of art!" Adams grinned as he looked into the drive core chamber that was giving off a low hum while the ship was docked.

"I am glad you convinced the Alliance to keep Joker aboard."

"He may be a pain in the ass but the man knows his ship." Adams chuckled. He then sobered quickly. "Any news about Commander Shepard?"

"Nothing new. She is still under house arrest at headquarters. The batarians have endlessly petitioned to have her extradited to Khar'shan for a proper trial."

"Heh, and I bet they are meeting with some heavy resistance to the idea."

"Indeed. Admiral Hackett can be quite intractable when his mind is set."

"That he can." Adams sighed and headed back to the systems panel to check on his diagnostics. "Let's see if we can improve these computations, EDI."

"Let me know when you are ready, Chief."

-=||N7||=-

"Good, Nick!" Kaidan clapped the young man on the shoulder when he completed a successful charge and instant toss afterwards.

Nick colored from the praise from Kaidan, ducking his head and grinning. Ever since Grissom Academy and winning such praise from Kahlee Sanders, Nick relished the hard won praise from the veteran L2 biotic. It was different learning from Kaidan, as he quietly pushed his students to excel and go beyond their limits. He taught them to push the limits of their amps, as they often are meant to go beyond the rhetoric that was given by officials. Nick knew this, as he often pushed his limits back at Grissom, and got in trouble for it. As they were being trained for special ops, they were being prepped to expect anything.

"All right, class, that's it for today!" Kaidan said aloud. "Enjoy the next couple days for liberty."

There were loud cheers as the men and women of the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company went to the locker rooms to shower and change before heading out. Kaidan went to the side and activated the mechanism to retract the targets on the field before heading back to the building where their classrooms were located. When he arrived at his office, Kaidan's eyes opened in surprise at his visitor waiting for him.

"Lieutenant Vega!"

"Major." Vega gave a quick salute to him and rested at parade rest.

"At ease, Lieutenant." Kaidan waved his hand. Vega smiled and settled into a normal stance. "Why are you here?"

"I just figured out that you are the name on that dog tag on Shepard's neck. I wanted to talk to you."

Kaidan's smile faltered. "What about?"

"It's been four months since the trial, Major, why haven't you called or visited?"

A scowl formed on his face at the blunt question. It wasn't that he didn't want to go and see Mira but he was prevented from visiting her, due to the nature of their relationship. Anderson thought it best not to further antagonize Antella, so Kaidan took the safe bet and stayed away. Though, it didn't prevent him from asking Anderson how she was doing.

"It's complicated, Lieutenant." Kaidan said, his lips pressed in a grim line.

"How? Really, how complicated is it to pick up the vid and dial her apartment? Or get on the visitor log?" Vega huffed and crossed his arms across his large expanse of chest. "Damn it, Lola needs you!"

"Lola?" Kaidan raised an eyebrow at the name, trying to sound curious without the little twinge of jealousy inflecting his voice.

"Yeah, it's what I call her." Vega shrugged. "Look, man, you are two senior officers, she isn't even commissioned anymore. What can be the problem from keeping you from Shepard?"

"One problem…Antella." Kaidan sighed. "You don't know everything, Vega. Major Antella is a man that will refuse any request of mine to see Shepard."

"For what? Getting closer than you should with your commander?" Vega's eyes looked at Kaidan in confusion.

"How much do you know of our relationship, Lieutenant?" Kaidan bit out a little too hard.

"Uh…not much. I just know that she needs the man she is pining for."

He snorted. "Shepard doesn't pine, Vega!"

"She's changed, Alenko." Vega dipped his head to his chest.

"What do you mean?" Kaidan tempered his tone towards Vega, wanting to be done with this conversation but wanting to know what the lieutenant had to say to him.

"That batarian mission really messed her up. Her confidence is shaken and she is second guessing all her command decisions. Anderson tries to reassure her with all the positive things that have come from Shepard's missions but…she feels that she is alone in this Reaper threat."

"Oh, god, she knows that she isn't!" Kaidan gusted out and walked to the window to where it looked over to the building that held Mira. "I'm not training these people to just be another special ops unit but one that can fight against the Reapers! Most of the men and woman in the company come from Grissom Academy and I know damn well that Dr. Sanders is a firm believer of the Reaper threat!"

"Tell her that!" Vega barked out. "Tell Antella to fuck off and march over there and speak to her, kiss her, or whatever!"

Kaidan lowered his head and closed his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to do just that. He missed Mira. Slowly, he shook his head. Even though he could tell Antella he was going to see her or else, Kaidan didn't want to go against Anderson's wishes.

Vega shook his head. "I would go through hell to see the woman I loved more than life itself." He turned to leave, leaving the brooding Major with his thoughts.

-=||N7||=-

She looked out the window of her bedroom and down to one of the gardens below. A little boy was outside enjoying the sunshine, playing with his model ships and soldiers. His mother kissed him on the head before going back inside, doing whatever she did. Seeing this child brought back memories of the raid on Elysium for Mira, where she had rescued a small boy from the crushing throng of panicked people. To see innocence still living carefree helped settle some of the restlessness in her.

Three months in her house arrest and Mira was getting tired of being cooped up most of the time. Major Antella had agreed to some trips to the gardens and limited excursions into town to do whatever. Not like she would try and escape because the guards would find her no matter where she went on Earth. Anderson visited time and again, when he had some free time from duty. He would tell her the latest news going on in the Alliance, and some updates to the Normandy crew. Mira knew that her crew would do fine on their own but the one person she wanted to hear about most was Kaidan. It had been almost ten months since she last seen and talked to him. She was starting to think that maybe he had changed his mind after all, about her, what she did with Cerberus, and about them.

After thirteen years of knowing each other, it came to this, a silent parting where neither of them said a word but simply drifted off into the stars. Shaking her head, Mira tried to stop going down that dismal spiral. Then why would he ask her to marry him? But that was all before the trial, before Bahak. Could he have decided that her sacrifice of over 300,000 batarians was his breaking point in wanting to be with her?

Mira rubbed at her eyes with the heels of her hands to stop the threatening tears from spilling. No, she wasn't going to give in to this! She has never been depressed in her life and wasn't about to start now. Still, there were so many doubts and no one to talk to, except James. All that James could do was listen, as he wasn't there for what she and the Normandy been through. Right now, Mira would have given anything even to hear Joker's snarky voice. Her eyes traveled over to her dresser where his cap sat.

"Mira?" a voice called from the doorway of her bedroom.

She turned and cried out to see a graceful version of herself, though older and wiser, in an admiral's uniform smiling softly to her daughter. Mira ran into Admiral Hannah Shepard's arms, the tears finally spilling out of her eyes. Hannah wrapped her arms around Mira tightly and held her wounded daughter.

"Shhh, precious, it's alright."

"Mama…what are you doing here?"

"My ship is here for a resupply, hun, and I wanted to see you before I headed back to the Traverse." Hannah pulled back and smoothed the flyaway strands of Mira's hair, holding her face between her hands. "Oh, precious, look at you."

Mira tried to smile but failed. "Mama…I'm feeling so…lost."

"Talk to me, Mir. I'm here for the next two days, so we have time."

"I don't know where to start." Mira's lip trembled.

"Start from the beginning, as always." Hannah led Mira to sit on the bed and sat next to her, listening to her brave daughter let out a torrent of pent up fears, doubts, and uncertainty.

Hannah Shepard laid the blanket over the spent form of the hero of the Skyllian Blitz and Citadel, leaned over and laid a gentle kiss on top of her head like she used to when Mira was younger. She was concerned about Mira for she never was one to spiral out of control in depression as she is now. As she entered the living room, Hannah was surprised to see Anderson pacing and waiting.

"I'm glad you contacted me, David. Mira is a strong woman but after being so strong and suppressing here own needs for so long, she doesn't know how to cope with this sort of loss. The career she had loved for so long is gone, the love of her life is out of reach and she fears that it is over, and she is afraid. Mira has been so controlled that this…"Hannah waved her hand around, "is alien."

"Maybe Hackett and I pushed her too hard to be the perfect soldier." David shook his head.

"Or maybe the Major and I expected too much out of her." Hannah sighed deeply. "Ultimately, Mira is who she is and she made her choices. Only thing that started this cracking in her was Cerberus bringing her back, taking her choices out of her hands."

"Damn them, I will see them pay in the end!" David growled.

"What is this about Kaidan not seeing her?"

"I'm afraid I placed that stipulation on him, for the sake of not wanting to antagonize Antella."

"Caleb Antella?" Hannah raised an eyebrow. "You mean the prig of a man has you and Kaidan cowed by his bark?" She snorted. "I've known that man since we went through basic together. He is all bluff with little substance. Always been a number one ass kisser that loved having power over others. Heh, I guess that is why he is in NIA."

"I didn't want to chance it, Hannah. He does have some formidable connections." David looked at Mira's mother sheepishly.

"Pfft, he still is a Major after ten years, with no hope of advancement in rank. Come, we are going to fix this."

"But Mira's house arrest is a court order!" David exclaimed.

"That may be but I think I can loosen the prig's hold on her house arrest, if not get him replaced as her probation officer."

David's mouth twitched upwards. "Well, let's see him then. I don't want to miss this show down."

Hannah grinned as the two admirals headed out and towards the office of the Major Antella.

-=||N7||=-

He paced the deck of his parents house in Vancouver that looked out over English Bay. It was a little ways outside of city limits but still close enough that the commute to Alliance HQ wasn't far. His eyes traveled in the direction of where the headquarters were that held Shepard. What Vega had said worried Kaidan. The man told him that if the woman he loved needed him, he would go through hell to get to her. That bothered Kaidan too. All he was doing was following Anderson's orders to keep away but was it right? What did Mira think of him not sending a letter or attempting to contact her?

_Damn! The same way I felt when I was waiting for some word from her!_ Kaidan growled low in his throat. He couldn't take it anymore! Kaidan about-faced and headed out of the house, grabbing his civilian jacket along the way. Dressed out of uniform, no one would easily recognize him, Kaidan surmised, and he could claim to be a relative or former shipmate coming to visit Mira. Well, at least the latter would be true, Kaidan thought wryly. He thought of what to say in order to gain entrance to Mira's suite during the short taxi ride to the facility she was staying in. His foot tapped nervously as Kaidan wished the taxi would hurry before he changed his mind. Gritting his teeth, Kaidan shook his head and told himself that no, he was going to do this. Vega's words haunted him and Kaidan had to see for himself how Mira was faring. Admittedly, he had to let her know that he still loved and missed her.

The taxi finally stopped at the building and Kaidan quickly paid the driver and dashed inside. It was late at in the afternoon, so Kaidan looked around to see if any other admirals or officers he might know were around. Last thing he needed was to run into one of Antella's goons. When one elevator car cleared, Kaidan slipped in and punched the floor number to where Mira's apartment was. His hands clenched and released several times before the elevator doors opened to a sparsely busy lobby. This part of HQ not only contained diplomatic suites but also the briefing rooms for many of the brass in the Alliance. The Defense Committee's boardroom was on the opposite end of this level.

They made sure to keep Mira close, so nothing could happen. Whether it was from outside influence or from those inside, Kaidan could only guess. His steps hurried down the corridor, counting the room numbers until he hit the diplomatic suites. That was when he slowed down and noticed Admiral's Anderson and Shepard walking back from the direction of Antella's office. Hannah Shepard looked up to see him slowly walking. Her face lighted up and she quickly walked up to Kaidan.

"Major Alenko!" Hannah grabbed Kaidan's hand and squeezed it.

"Admiral…ma'am!" Kaidan croaked out, suddenly at a loss of words.

"It's a good thing you are here. David, let the poor man in to see her." Her eyes searched Anderson's, pleading. Kaidan wondered what was going on and why was Mira's mother being insistent about him seeing Mira.

"We just came back from dealing with Antella and now you want to push this and let Kaidan…"

"Yes!" Hannah said forcefully.

Anderson looked to Kaidan, his eyes worried but he looked down and sighed deeply. "Kaidan, I can grant a couple of hours, that's it."

"I'll take it, sir." Kaidan said in a rush, suddenly relieved that he didn't have to sneak or bully his way in to see Mira. "I can only imagine what must be going through her head."

"You have no idea." Hannah shook her head. She pulled Kaidan toward Mira's locked door and pushed him toward it. Reaching a hand up to the door chime, Kaidan waited for it to open. Vega opened the door, his eyes giving a moment of surprise but stepped aside for him to enter. James turned to leave so he could give the couple some time alone.

Kaidan walked into the suite that served as Mira's prison. The lighting was subdued and it was quiet. Walking around the living area, he headed to what he thought was her bedroom. Once he reached the doorway, he saw Mira laying on the bed curled up with a blanket laid over her. Her face was what broke Kaidan's heart. Even when sleeping, tension was in it and her eyes moved rapidly while dreaming. She murmured and twitched as if she was fighting something in her dream. He hesitated in going over to the bed and waking Mira up. There were times in their lives when he was there at Mira's weakest but this was new for him. Mira seemed broken and fragile. This wasn't the same strong, hardass woman that pushed all those that served her to be their best. He guessed that even the strongest person in the galaxy could break.

Walking quietly to the bed, Kaidan sat gently on the edge and reached to brush a stray lock of Mira's hair from her eyes. Her face flinched from the gesture, still lost in some bad dream. Kaidan leaned down and whispered into Mira's ear.

"Mir, I'm here. Don't be afraid."

Her face eased some and she sighed. Slowly, Mira's eyes opened and blinked. Kaidan quirked a smile, brushing his fingertips across her cheek. Suddenly, Mira sat up and wrapped her arms around Kaidan, holding tightly onto him as if her life depended on knowing that he was there and real. He held her, feeling the woman in his arms trembling.

"You are really here?" She said quietly.

"Yes, Mir, I am." Kaidan replied, sinking his face into Mira's hair. "I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner."

This made Mira pull back and look deeply into his eyes. Kaidan flinched a little to see the hurt and anger in them, along with the held back despair. Her mouth thinned into an unpleasant line that made Kaidan tense. "Why did you never call? Or even send a letter? It isn't like I'm blocked from all outside communication, Kaidan."

"I…" Kaidan swallowed. What explanation could he give that didn't sound pathetic and cowardly? "Anderson…"

"Don't use him as an excuse." Mira bit out.

"I'm not." Kaidan responded, his own mouth hardening at the accusatory tone in Mira's voice. This wasn't how he wanted this reunion to go, after the months apart from each other.

"Then tell me, for someone who was so important to you, why did you stay away?"

He ducked his head and sighed deeply. "I was told to stay away, Mir."

"And like a good soldier, you followed orders."

"Mir, that's unfair!" Kaidan's eyes snapped up to hers.

"I needed you, Kaidan! Can't you for once disobey orders and do what you want? Didn't Special Forces teach you anything?"

"Hey! I worked hard to get here, Mira, just as you did! Look, I didn't come here to start an argument with you. I had actually worked the nerve up to bust my ass in here to see you, despite Anderson's orders and Antella itching to lay charges on me for fraternization and aiding a traitor!"

"Why did it take so long then?" Mira said bitterly.

Kaidan placed his hands on Mira's face, forcing her to look into his eyes. This wasn't like her, he knew that. Mira was hurt, angry, frightened, and many other things that have surfaced from years of pushing down all the things she didn't have the time or will to deal with. Now, stuck in one place doing nothing, her mind was her only company and all the garbage floated up to the surface.

"Hey, I'm here now, Shepard." His eyes softened lovingly, thumbs stroking gently across her cheeks as tears slipped down them.

Mira's anger slid away and the fragile girl inside of her took place. "I'm lost, Kai. What I did…"

"Shhh, what you did was the best that could be done given the situation." He said gently.

"I surely thought that it was the breaking point for us. That you never would love me after…after…" Her lower lip trembled.

"Mir, I've loved you for over ten years, I'm not going to stop because your actions in the heat of combat were overwhelming and unbelievable. I was shocked, yeah, and upset. It took me a while to wrap my head around the batarian incident. But I know the woman that is Commander Shepard!"

"Do you really? What if Cerberus changed me in some way?"

"They may have removed the physical imperfections but you are still you inside." Kaidan smiled gently.

"Kaidan, how can you be so sure? If I hadn't healed the scars, I would still be wearing them and be freakish! It took me months to adjust to the new implants and even so, I still hum with power! You feel it! Is this truly me?"

"Yes." Kaidan said simply.

"I wish I had your faith." Mira sighed.

"I know that you do what is best for everyone. You are selfless that way, Mira. It is one of the things I love about you. I wished many times that I had said fuck your order to leave you on the Normandy."

"That wouldn't have been like you."

"No. Look, you world has been turned upside down and shaken up but there are people who love you, believe in you. I'm one of them and I like to think I top that list. We'll argue and fight, even disagree but that doesn't mean I love you any less. You came back to me, don't forget that."

"You will be a great admiral someday, Major!" Mira tentatively smiled.

Kaidan chuckled. "No thanks, I don't want that job."

"Really, you put Anderson and Hackett to shame on speeches."

"Did anyone tell you that you have a smart mouth?"

"Someone did once." Mira's smile softened.

Kaidan searched her eyes again. They were brighter but still held anger, fear, and a mix of other emotions there but Mira seemed to be heartened that he was here and talked with her. Maybe he shouldn't be so obedient when it came to certain things. He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Mira's lips. There was so much he wanted to say and do but there wasn't time. Letting her know that he was still there for her, was enough.

"I am still here for you, Mira." Kaidan rumbled. "Don't think that you never leave my thoughts! Things are happening out there that is keeping me busy, all to prepare for the inevitable. Don't pay any mind to those bureaucratic fools that think you are an egotistical mad woman. There are plenty of us who know the truth and what is coming." His eyes held Mira's intensely. "It's up to us to be prepared for that day! Don't fall apart on me, Mir. We need you. I need you."

"You don't know how much that means to me, Kai." Mira's eyes brightened with tears.

"I do. You are a soldier, you are meant to be on the ground moving. This…cage…isn't doing you any good."

"You are right about that." She whispered.

"Indeed. I do have some experience about being holed up with nowhere to escape."

"Stay and hold me for a little bit." She asked quietly.

Kaidan smiled and moved to stretch out on the bed next to Mira, gathering her in his arms. He tried to give her the strength he had, and the comfort she needed. When he felt Mira's muscles release the tension, he felt better about Mira's stability. She was going to be fine. She just needed to hear from one person that it was and he happened to be that person. He felt the steady breathing indicating sleep coming from the woman in his arms and smiled softly.

A soft shake on his shoulder brought Kaidan's eyes open to see Anderson at his side. Mira was curled into his chest, sleeping deeply with no twitching from nightmares. Sighing, Kaidan laid a kiss on top of her head and carefully extricated himself from Mira. Judging from the deep darkness outside, it was well into the night, which surprised Kaidan.

When the two men reached the living area, Kaidan asked Anderson. "Why did you wait so long?"

"I figured you needed a little sleep too, Major." Anderson grinned in his fatherly way. "Don't worry about Antella. Shepard's mother had some words with the man and he won't be bothering you. You can visit, given notice of course, when you want."

"Thank you, sir."

"Don't thank me. I actually think that man is afraid of Hannah Shepard!" Anderson chuckled.

"You never mess with mothers when it comes to their cubs." Kaidan grinned.

"How is the progress with your students?"

Kaidan stifled a yawn and started to head for the door with Anderson following. "Actually, quite well. I think I surprised quite a few of them at my capability with my old L2 implant. Nick has taken quite easily to the leadership role and helping those that need it."

"He's a good kid. Quite a promising future for him, should he continue in the Alliance."

Kaidan nodded and tried to stop another yawn. That short nap only made him more tired but it did refresh him laying there with Mira in his arms. It was the best sleep he had in months. "She is going to be alright, Anderson."

"Good, I hope so."

"I would like to talk some more but…" Another yawn threatened on Kaidan, "I have an early day."

"Of course, Major. Goodnight….and thank you. Maybe all she needed was a pep talk from someone who matters most to her."

Kaidan nodded and took his leave. Maybe Mira did but there was still a lot of things she had to work through from the years of baggage that she had suppressed.


	36. Chapter 35 Quiet Before the Storm

**Mass Effect: All the Things That I've Done  
**_Chapter 35 – Quiet Before the Storm_

-One Month before invasion—

The air pops and light flashes filled the training yard as the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company went through various drills, with a few twists thrown in by Kaidan and Nick. The unexpected throws or barriers tripped up some of the students, but a few managed to instinctively react and counteract the offensive moves by their commanding officer and squadron leader. Kaidan gave his customary half-grin, showing pride for his group of students. Things were coming along and the company of men and women biotics was working together fluidly as a single unit.

Nick tossed out a singularity at one of the squads, chuckling as they yelled in surprise and threw up a barrier to stop the pull from the gravity well.

"Wasn't that Johnson?" Kaidan asked.

"Yep. The guy needed a little shake-me-up." Nick grinned.

"Uh huh, and it had nothing to do with that little prank he pulled on you a few weeks back?" Kaidan quirked an eyebrow up at Nick.

Nick turned to look at Kaidan with a shocked look of feigned innocence. "I had forgotten all about that!"

"Yeah, sure." Kaidan shook his head. He sounded the horn that the drills were done and called the group to fall in.

-= ||N7|| =-

"How's the progress going, Doctor?" Steven Hackett's voice rumbled, as he watched the vidscreen.

"We located the files but decrypting them and seeing what is inside them is taking longer than expected. But if the journals are correct, then this could help our cause against the Reapers." The voice of Liara T'soni sounded through the screen. "Of course, I have my own people working on this, some of the best, in trying to decipher the Prothean data."

"I just hope that you are right that this is going to help. I think time is running short and we are barely prepared."

There was a pause in the conversation to where Liara looked at the admiral before voicing her question. "How's Shepard?"

"Holding it together. I don't know much more than that. Unfortunately, I am here at Arcturus, having to gather fleets and send them out on patrol. Officially, it is looking out for any batarians that might break the peace accords and want to start war."

"Unofficially, it is to keep a vanguard going should the Reapers arrive." Liara gave a deep nod.

"Not should, Doctor, when. Has there been anything through your network?"

Liara sighed heavily. "No. In fact, it is too quiet out there and it has my agents a little nervous."

Hackett dropped his head briefly before bringing it back up. "Crack those files, Doctor T'soni."

With that said, the link was disconnected and Steven rested back in his chair, hands together in front of his mouth, thinking. His gut told him something was going to happen soon. It was like the quiet before the storm, when everything stilled and the air became heavy. Leaning forward again, Steven tapped away on his console and sent orders to another fleet of ships to head out toward the Traverse. He knew his history and knew that a similar decision of sending the bulk of the fleet out from harbor was what saved the bulk of the American fleet from decimation by the Japanese at Pearl Harbor. Thus, in that tradition, Admiral Hackett sent his own orders to get the bulk of Alliance ships away from Arcturus.

-= ||N7|| =-

"Damn! They don't know how to fucking calibrate the thruster controls! This isn't Alliance standard anymore." Joker groused as he hobbled beside Adams while they walked to one of the engineering stations in the center of CIC.

"You and I both know that but try telling the brass that!" Adams blew out a gust of breath. "This was an experimental ship to begin with and things don't fall in Alliance specs as they do for other ships. I tried telling Admiral Cho that."

"And what the hell was with that arrest of Ken and Gabi? They are the best engineers that know the Normandy."

"That is out of my hands, Joker. If Ken just kept his mouth shut and towed the line, he wouldn't be in the mess he is in. Despite your loud protestations, I managed to keep you aboard because I need you here, not in some cell." Adams glared at the irascible pilot.

"God, I hate regulations sometimes." Joker grumped.

"There is a priority message from Admiral Hackett, Chief." EDI chimed in the brief spate of silence from Joker's tirade.

"Thank you, EDI." Adams walked over to the captain's console and flipped the vidscreen on. Joker tried to not stare balefully as Adams stood in Shepard's spot. He watched the engineer chief read the message and the subtle change in it from the exasperation of a couple of minutes ago, to a hardening set to his mouth. Joker's insides fluttered, thinking something happened.

"What?" Joker asked as Adams looked over to him.

"Hackett wants to speed up the renovation. Essentially, forget the frivolous shit and put focus on the drive core and systems. He wants the Normandy ready to fly at the drop of a hat."

"Well, shit." Joker's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "The old iron horse's gut is telling him something."

"Haven't you noticed the quiet lull in comm traffic out there?" Adams shot back.

"Yeah, hard to miss."

"Something is coming and this just the quiet before all hell breaks loose."

"For once, we are in agreement, Chief." Joker stood straighter and started to turn toward the cockpit. "I'm going to get those thruster calibrations back in line to how they SHOULD be."

-= ||N7|| =-

"Stop pacing." James told Mira as he tried vainly to concentrate on a set of reps with the free weights in his hands.

"What else is there to do? I read the news reports for the thousandth time and wishing that I could actually see the intel reports." Mira turned toward James as he flexed both arms into upward curls. "I get sporadic messages, however brief, from Kaidan, then Anderson has been stuck in meetings so much, it is almost like he was Councilor again. And I'm stuck here, pacing this apartment, with you and my thoughts 24/7."

"Hey, I could be worse company." James picked at her peevish tone.

"I'm sorry that came out bitchy." Mira muttered.

Finishing his last set, James gently laid the weights down and looked at Mira. "Given the situation you are in and what you are, you have every right to be bitchy."

A smile crossed her face as Mira shook her head. "Do you always take everything in stride, lieutenant?"

"I get angry for only good reasons." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Such as taking on a bar full of batarians?" Mira raised an eyebrow.

"I was defending your honor, ma'am." James gave a cheeky smile back.

Mira snorted and walked over to the window again, looking out on the late afternoon sun setting in the harbor. The past couple of months seen some of her restrictions lifted by a mollified Major Antella. During her probation meetings, they eventually got to talk about what was happening outside of her small world inside the Alliance detention center. The Marine was stiff and book-bound but Mira had to respect the man some for the tough job he had to do. However, most of what he thought regarding her or any of her crew, was skewed.

Kaidan did call about once a week to check on her and make sure Mira wasn't falling back in her depressive cycle again. She didn't think he understood that just getting that little bit of contact from him and seeing his face or hearing his voice, was all the Mira needed to reassure herself that Kaidan hadn't forgotten about her. He would drop little bits of information of what was going on with the Normandy, as much as he knew but as the calls were monitored, in depth conversation on the matter was limited. However, the past couple of weeks, the calls were further apart and then none, as Mira didn't get the expected call from Kaidan this week. Deep in her mind, it was saying that he was distancing himself from her but the logical part was telling Mira that training of his class must have ramped up.

"Come on, let's go to the cafeteria and get some grub." James broke into Mira's thoughts.

"What?" She turned around and looked at James.

"Food? You know, the stuff that keeps us going?"

"Alright." Mira went over to the chair that her hoodie was laying and followed James out of the apartment.

With her hands tucked into the hoodie's pockets, Mira walked next to her 'guard' as they headed through the busy corridors and to the central core of the headquarters of the Alliance. Sunlight streamed in, lending a golden orange glow among the natural greenery and bustle of multicolored fabrics of diplomats and military personnel. It was the general run of people at the time of business close, when offices closed for the day and meetings finished. Though, not all offices closed, just the majority. James and Mira took the stairs down to the lobby area where the eatery was located. Both diplomats and alliance personnel mingled here, talking about things that weren't work or politics related. Laughter rung out along with the low rumble of various conversations.

"So, what would you like, Lola? Mexican? Italian?" James grinned.

"You happened to mention Mexican first, huh? Do you always have burritos on the mind?"

"Hardly burritos but maybe some fajitas or something like that. Something with meat in it. You know, after the work out I had, gotta have protein."

"Typical muscle head." Mira chuckled.

"Hey, I'm a big boy!"

They threaded through one of the food lines and got their meals, James piling enough food to feed three people while Mira had her own double ration of food, thanks to her ravenous biotic appetite. He talked about his family and how his grandmother would show him her special dishes. Mira had to giggle at the gleam in the man's eyes when he talked about family and food. It felt good to hear about something other than politics and Reapers, or impending blood lust for her head on a silver platter.

Mira's mind drifted a bit as she thought about another man that cooked for her. She remembered that first morning at the Alenko cabin and Kaidan toiling away over the stove, shirt unbuttoned and drinking his coffee while preparing breakfast. A lock of his hair had fallen into his eyes, adding to the rakishness to his looks along with the two days growth of scruff on his cheeks. Mira loved it, however. It was good to see the tightly controlled man out of uniform and relaxed, smiling openly and teasing her playfully, even with his eyes following her own state of half-dressed.

"Shepard!" a voice brought her back to the present only for her to look up into those said eyes she was daydreaming of. A slight pink tinge colored her cheeks, to which there was a stifled snort from James. Her eyes shot him a pointed look in which he looked at her innocently.

"Kai…uh, Major!" Mira quickly changed the address, as Kaidan wasn't alone. A young man who was about twenty was with him, not hiding his cheeky grin at the coincidence of the meeting. His dark eyes flashed a wink to James.

"I'm going to go take our trays back." James stood up, gathering the cleaned dishes, his own grin crooking in conspiracy. "Will you watch my charge until I come back, Major?"

"Uh…yeah, I will." Kaidan blinked and stood there as Nick helped James with the trays and meandered off toward the bus station. He stood a moment, looking around and then at Mira, his mouth quirking to one side.

"You might as well sit down, Major. I think someone plotted behind our backs so we could have this little meeting."

"Nick did seem rather insistent about coming here for dinner." Kaidan easily sat in the chair next to Mira.

They sat there in silence for a few moments, looking over the other, assessing how each were doing. Mira's fingers fiddled at the napkin until she stilled them. She figured out that this was the best place to spend time with Kaidan without monitors around her but it was so public and she ached to pull Kaidan to her lips.

"How's the…"

"So, how are…"

They both started at once and chuckled. Kaidan looked good, Mira thought. Where she had noticed strength before in him, Mira saw a new confidence and command in his presence. The new Alliance uniform fit him well, showing all the best assets of the marine. Unconsciously, Mira bit at her lower lip, trying to stifle the welling of desire in her.

"You look good, Kaidan." Mira said into the lengthening silence. The pang of not being in uniform herself hit Mira and left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Kaidan smiled gently. "You are looking good too, Mir."

"I take it the students are taking up all your time now?" Mira kicked herself for sounding bitter because Kaidan hadn't called her.

"Had to ramp up training. Anderson wants the company battle-ready in a couple of weeks. If I didn't have Nick, I don't think they would be in such a short amount of time."

"Knowing you, they will be ready."

Kaidan reached for her fidgeting hands and clasped them. "I'm sorry I didn't call, Mir. If I'm not eating or sleeping, I'm driving these men and women hard in drills. This is one thing that I can't fail in."

"I know." Mira said quietly. "I…I'm…Just…" She stopped, not knowing what to say. Kaidan squeezed her fingers in understanding.

"Remember, don't give up." He said quietly. His eyes spotted Mira's escort and his own partner, as they returned. Kaidan stood up from the table, Mira following close behind as the other men joined them.

"Thank you, Major. I hope she didn't give you much trouble."

His dark eyes searched Mira's, the smile dimming a little as he took in the touch of storm grey in them. "No trouble. She was the model soldier."

James flicked a glance between them and sighed inwardly. This was rough for both veteran officers but he didn't know what he could do to grant more time between the lovers. "Thanks again. We need to head back."

"I need to get going too. I have another surprise drill set for the group."

"Can't I do this one, Kaidan?" Nick's eyes gleamed impishly.

"I said you could but not without me supervising." He glared at the young man. Kaidan turned his gaze on Mira, who was looking down at the table. Taking a step forward and placing his hand under her chin, Kaidan brought her eyes up to meet his. "Remember." He told her, and then tapped gently at her chest where his dog tag rested.

They left, leaving James and Mira standing alone. Mira turned away and started the trip back to her confinement. James knew that look in her eye, as the woman was at the edge of another dark episode. Chewing at his lip, James tried to figure out ways to distract the commander from the plaguing fears and longing.

-= ||N7|| =-

He stared into the dark, not able to sleep as too many thoughts ran through his mind. Thoughts about the preparedness of his company, the upcoming fight with the Reapers, but foremost, Kaidan's thoughts were of Mira. The doubts and fears were gnawing at her again and this worried Kaidan. His duties kept him away now and with not much free time to spend making a call to her. Then again, with all the calls monitored, he couldn't say much to her anyway. Not when he wanted nothing more to say how much he loved her and talk about the cabin.

After having her in his arms again, making love to her again after two years, Kaidan wanted to lock both of them away somewhere and love her madly until they were both exhausted. The months have been rough and not kind on either of them. Especially not kind on Mira, and it was taking its toll on her. Kaidan was always sensitive to her needs and changes in expressions but now that she wasn't even holding the commander's mask up, had Kaidan worried.

Thinking about the time Mira spent with Cerberus always made his blood boil and he couldn't imagine the run and gun Mira gone through during those six months with the humanist group. Cerberus was the antithesis of what he believed about humanity and their role in the galaxy. How could a decorated soldier like Mira stand to work alongside the group, Kaidan couldn't fathom. Even after their long talk after her trip back from the relay, they never went in depth about Cerberus.

Whatever the time spent was like, Kaidan knew it stressed Mira to the near breaking point. Only because of her natural leadership did the crew that was recruited by the Illusive Man, gave their undeniable loyalty to her, just as the first Normandy crew had.

Joker, Garrus, Chakwas, Tali, even Liara…they retained their faith in her, never questioning Mira coming back from the dead. He, Kaidan, however, did question, refused to believe until he was standing at her side on Horizon and took her scent in, gritting his teeth at the loud buzz coming from her new implants.

He even questioned her decision over the batarian incident at the Alpha Relay. Horrified that thousands of innocents were killed when the relay exploded but some cold logical part did say it bought them time. Anderson's faith in Mira never wavered, neither Hackett's. But why did Kaidan?

That he loved Mira more than life itself was not in doubt. It was just until his eyes were opened to the truth, Kaidan refused to believe beyond the set rules and logic of his own beliefs regarding humanity and what the Alliance stood for.

Kaidan sighed heavily. Nights like these was when all the old 'what ifs' came forward. There was so much unresolved regarding the past year that he couldn't wrap his head around it. He wasn't there with the others, at Mira's side as she went against the Collectors. He wasn't there at her side battling mercenaries in order to track down the beings going after their colonies. He wasn't there for Mira when she woke up, frightened and disorientated, running into a fight for her life.

It killed him, when he swore to be at her side when Mira needed him, he wasn't.


	37. Chapter 36 The Storm Breaks

**Mass Effect: All the Things That I've Done  
**_Chapter 36 – The Storm Breaks_

It was just any other morning and Mira was pacing the small apartment again, restless and anxious. There was pent up nervous energy in her and static crackled in her fingers when she flexed them. James was out on some errand or other, so it left her alone in one of the few rare times. When she was about to slip back into her spiral, James snapped her out of it, cussing and teasing at her, being a total asshole until she snapped back at him to shut his hole. He grinned at her when Mira's ire was worked up and she was actually feeling something other than darkness. Then he would laugh, and laugh hard, which pissed her off to no end. That uppity lieutenant laughed at the great Commander Shepard!

In the end, everything was cool, as Mira would eventually break down laughing, punching James in the arm for jumping her ass. Of course, the morning after was another set of pains, as she would wake up with a pounding head from the bottle of tequila they finished off. Mira wanted out of this prison. Wanted to be back on the deck of the Normandy flying through the stars and doing what she did best, what she was trained to do.

She turned to the window in the living room, data pads strewn on the table next to her. Resting an arm on the side of the window, Mira looked out at the familiar scene of Vancouver harbor and the tiers of offices of the Alliance Naval Headquarters. Six months. It had already been six months into her sentence and there was nothing regarding the Reapers appearance. A movement down at the familiar garden below her caught Mira's attention. A smile tugged at her mouth as she saw the familiar boy let loose to play in the sunshine while his mother worked. He had a model ship in his hand and he was running in circles flying with it. The utter simple joy on his face lifted Mira's mood. Her fingers rubbed at the covered dog tag she always wore, thinking what it would be like to have her own family.

The door to the apartment opened and James stepped in. "Commander, your presence is requested by the Defense Committee."

"I told you not to call me that anymore, James."

"Just following orders to retrieve you, Lola." His mouth quirked when Mira turned to face him.

"What's going on?" Mira asked, catching the seriousness of his fetching for her.

"Not my place to ask, ma'am." James waited for Mira as they exited the apartment and started down the hall and toward the main corridor that led to the various briefing rooms and offices.

As they walked, Mira's eyes caught the frantic pace of several naval personnel rushing down the hall to go to their destinations. The shift in the air made the hairs on the back of her neck rise. Something happened, Mira guessed. When she spotted Anderson exiting from a cross corridor and walking with purpose towards her, it was confirmed.

"Shepard!" Anderson greeted her. "How's civilian life treating you?"

"It's nice to have hot food and a soft bed but frankly, having my every move watched is wearing thin. No offense, Vega, but I could do without your hulking presence constantly over my shoulder."

"None taken, Shepard." He grinned.

Anderson chuckled and reached out to pat Mira's midsection, "You are looking a bit soft around the middle."

Mira frowned but shook her head as she caught Anderson's tease. "So, what is going on? Why is everyone rushing about?"

"I just got the summons myself. Some news has come in from Arcturus and the Defense Committee wants to consult with you."

"It's the Reapers." Mira stopped at the bottom of the steps before the committee's offices and looked up at Anderson with a grim set to her mouth.

"Nothing is confirmed, Shepard." David cautioned.

"It is the Reapers, sir."

"We will know for certain once we get into the meeting."

"And what do they expect to hear from me? I'm only a soldier! I'm not going to be very diplomatic and mince words."

"Right now, that is what we need. You are the only one who knows the Reapers, how to fight them and what to do."

Mira stopped again, James halting in his tracks behind her and Anderson. "Then why did they ground me and take away the Normandy? It shows a lot of faith in me, that they cage me up for months, stripped my commission and all for what? So I can consult with the Defense Committee about the Reapers? I'm sorry, sir, but that is fucked up!"

"I have faith in you, Mira! I believe in you." Anderson emphasized. "If it wasn't for my testimony, Hackett's, or the crew's, you wouldn't be here. Any other marine would have been locked up with the key thrown away."

"And just what preparations have been done during this time?" Mira's blue eyes glared at the admiral.

Anderson shook his head. "Not enough."

They started walking again, picking up the pace as they entered the Defense Committee's suite and were greeted by a yeoman. They stood in the lobby and waited until called upon. Mira's skin felt a familiar tingle of another biotic enter from the other end, coming out of the meeting hall and meet up with Anderson. She stood with her back to him but Mira knew it was Kaidan before he opened his mouth.

"What is the situation like in there?" Anderson asked Kaidan.

"There are still reports coming in that they are trying to sort through. Right now, I'm just waiting around for orders." His eyes flicked behind Anderson's shoulder, noticing Mira's straight back standing before James.

"Is your company ready?" Anderson asked Kaidan.

"They are as ready as they will be and anxious to put practice to real work. Nick is with them right now, having them armor up and ready to ship out."

"Good."

"Admiral, they are ready for you." The yeoman called to him.

"Shepard," Anderson called.

Mira patted at James's arm and turned to walk up to Anderson's side. Kaidan caught her eyes, giving her small encouraging smile before they entered the meeting hall. She kept her face as neutral as possible; a fire lit in her eyes at what her gut was telling her the news was going to be. As Mira brushed past Kaidan, she let off a small discreet burst of dark energy toward him, caressing against his own. Kaidan shook his head imperceptibly and watched her go.

"Damn, you give Lola a goal in mind and watch her shine." James commented to Kaidan.

"That's Shepard for you." Kaidan responded a little sadly.

"So, now what?" James shifted.

"We wait."

-= ||N7|| =-

Ringing filled his ears, that consistent whining ring that pealed endlessly that could drive you crazy. Putting a hand to his head, Kaidan squeezed his eyes closed and then opened them, regaining single vision again. When he pulled his hand back, he noticed blood on them. Grimacing, Kaidan looked around him and spotted a groaning Vega rolling over to his side. When the sounds of fire blazing and alarms blaring replaced the high-pitched ring, Kaidan winced. In the background, he heard that familiar sound that haunted any member of the Normandy since Eden Prime. A Reaper. In fact, many Reapers, as the floor beneath him shook as the monstrosities landed on Vancouver.

"Vega! Get your ass up!" Kaidan yelled to the large marine.

"What the fuck!" Vega shouted.

"No time to question! Grab a weapon! We need to get to the Normandy!"

"Shepard!" Vega called out as his gaze went to the collapsed entrance to the Defense Committee's hall.

"Worry about her later! She'll pull through." I hope, Kaidan thought as his eyes took in the twisted steel and concrete blocking him from her and Anderson.

"How can you be so sure, Major?" James' face flushed red in anger.

Kaidan pierced a hard commanding look to the younger lieutenant. "Because she has come out of worse shit than this before, Lieutenant! Right now, if we are to get out of this, we need to get to the Normandy!"

James was ready to argue more but the hard tone in Kaidan's look and voice halted his retort and made the man straighten. Kaidan was the commanding officer now and he gave James an order. He lifted himself up and stood, looking around for any pistol or rifle, snatching what he could and waited for further orders.

The major nodded and activated his nodes to put up a barrier around him. A crackle of someone trying to contact him came through his comm piece as Kaidan tried to clear up the interference.

"_Major…get…Normandy…and rendezvous…"_ Anderson's voice cut in and out in his ear.

"Admiral! On my way there. We will meet you…" Kaidan lost the signal as a squeal of interference blasted in his ear, making him wince. "Fuck!"

"The admiral?" James asked.

"He and Shepard are alive. We will meet up with them." Kaidan pressed onward grimly, picking up a heavy pistol off a dead guard, checking the level on the thermal clip and grimaced. "Come on, we don't have any time to lose."

The two marines rushed through the wreckage of the Alliance Naval headquarters, dodging falling debris from collapsing levels above them or ricocheting blasts from the Reapers attacking the facility. Through the passing gaps in the infrastructure and broken windows, Kaidan took in the massive scale of destruction of his home. Vancouver was on fire. He gave a prayer out for his father, hoping that he and his new wife made it to safety. This set a hard determination in Kaidan while he pressed forward. They weren't prepared, despite Mira's warnings through the years. However, the Alliance and the Council ignored their warnings, sweeping the destruction of Sovereign under the rug. All this did was pissing Kaidan off. Earth could have been better prepared for the Reapers arrival.

"Major, look!" James shouted.

Up ahead of them were shambling forms racing along the rubble-strewn corridor leading to the shipyards. Husks. Kaidan blazed with dark energy as he saw these creatures. Mouth twisting in a snarl, Kaidan gathered energy in his hand and sent a warp field in front of him, knocking the first wave of husks bouncing off the walls and out the shattered windows.

James yelled out as he raised his arms up to fire off his pistol, cursing the rambling husks in Spanish. Soldier and biotic fought through the waves of cybernetic beings, exhausting the clips in their pistols. James cried out in anger as he snapped out his omniblade, the newest holographic/haptic interface weapon given to qualified soldiers. Kaidan pulled a pair of husks, then slammed them hard to surface.

The two men ran the last remaining yards to the large hangar door onto the shipyards. It was pure chaos as rubble filtered down but hadn't collapsed the structure. The gleaming form of the Normandy sat at the far end with engineers and guards scrambling to unlock the clamps and power couplings providing power to the frigate while it was undergoing a retrofit. Kaidan spotted Joker hobbling and screaming at the fumbling hands of a couple of guards that were trying to unfasten one coupling in a rush.

Everyone paused as the shake of a Reaper thundered outside a few hundred feet away. Shuttles and the small fighter pilots launched, hoping to get airborne and distract what fire they could. Kaidan motioned for James to help the guards with coupling.

"Report, Joker!" Kaidan commanded as he stalked up the ramp to the Normandy.

"Engines are primed and boards are green to go. EDI is revving up ECM's and weapons as we speak. These idiots can't grasp the simple release of a power coupling!" Joker huffed.

"Don't worry about it. We will get it, just get your ass to that cockpit, and get ready to launch ASAP! We have to pick up Anderson and Shepard on the harbor side." Kaidan was about to turn around and go to help James and the guards when Joker called to him.

"Hey, Major!" Joker called.

Kaidan turned and reflexively caught the protein bar Joker threw to him. "Cockpit, pronto, mister!" Kaidan yelled to the pilot.

"Aye-aye, cap'n." Joker tipped his cap to Kaidan with a snarky grin and quickly hobbled back aboard.

When the last of the power couplings were free of the Normandy, the guards, James and Kaidan rushed aboard. Kaidan barked to one of the guards to go to the panel and close the bay door. Unfortunately, the people on the Normandy were the engineers and various techs that were working on the retrofit, none had seen any combat duty. Well, Kaidan thought, they were going to get a crash course in ship combat.

"Welcome aboard, Major Alenko." EDI's voice piped through the ship comm system.

"Thank you, EDI. Are we ready to launch?"

"Yes. I just received a distress signal from a downed gunship in the harbor. It is weak but there are possible survivors."

"Any word from Anderson or Shepard?" Kaidan asked, not wanting to think the worst.

"Not yet."

"Shit." Kaidan muttered. "Joker, get us in the air…NOW!"

"Roger, Major." Joker replied.

The high-pitched whine of a high-powered launch thrummed under Kaidan's boots, as the Normandy screamed at the demands put on its thrusters and engines. Kaidan stormed to the elevator and slammed the button for CIC. His eyes fell on James as he stood next to another man at one of the shuttle bay panels. Kaidan couldn't worry about the lieutenant now. Right now, he had to get to Mira and Anderson. His mouth was pressed hard, making his jaw hurt. Kaidan's stomach dropped as Joker banked the Normandy sharply away from a Reaper beam and exploding ships around them.

When he arrived to the CIC, cargo boxes and thick cabling ran across the decking. Kaidan couldn't fret about it now as he stepped up to the command platform. The galaxy map popped up at his presence. Swiping a hand over the interface, Kaidan switched it to the local tactical view, seeing the large amount of enemy dots on the map. The blue dots signifying Alliance ships were quickly fading as they were destroyed.

"Dad, I hope you are somewhere safe." Kaidan whispered.

"I have an incoming emergency signal, Major." A female tech off to his right announced.

"Put it through."

"_Normandy! Do you read me? This is Admiral Anderson. Shepard and I are at a downed gunship in the harbor. You should…erm…beacon…"_

"Admiral, this is Major Alenko!" Kaidan responded. "We are on our way! Hold on for a while longer!"

"I'm sorry, Major. Reaper interference cut the transmission. I don't know if they received the response or not."

"Well, pray that they did. We have soldiers to pick up…" Kaidan looked at the young engineer.

"Specialist Samantha Traynor, sir."

He gave her a quick nod in greeting. "Keep track of that beacon, Traynor."

"Aye, sir!"

"Do you have a lock on that beacon, Joker?" Kaidan called to the pilot.

"Already halfway there, Major. We got some major rush hour traffic though."

"Nothing you can't handle, Joker." Kaidan's mouth tugged a little in a smirk.

"Pshah, this is nothing compared to the Citadel." There was a pause and Kaidan felt the unsettling drop in his stomach again as Joker turned the Normandy sharply again. "Got them! They got some playmates down there that aren't playing by the rules."

"Teach them a lesson, Joker." Kaidan ordered.

"With pleasure!" Joker crowed.

Kaidan stepped down from the platform and headed back to the elevator. He told Traynor to keep comms up as he was going to provide cover for Shepard and Anderson. Once in the elevator, Kaidan leaned back against the wall, remembering all the times he pulled both Anderson and Shepard out of tight spots before. This was becoming a regular routine and it made him chuckle at the irony.

-= ||N7|| =-

Mira launced another staccato blast toward the singularity she formed earlier, watching the explosive hit of husks being forcibly flung out to the water. The implants buzzed loudly in her ears, along with the cough of the rifle. Anderson commented he was low on his clip, which had her stand up tossing warps and throws in rapid succession.

"Shepard, get back to cover!" Anderson ordered.

"I got this, sir!" Mira yelled back. Her body was blazing with energy and it felt good to feel the power flow through her and to a tangible target. She took her six months of frustration, depression, and anger, throwing them at the converted batarians.

"_The cavalry has arrived!"_ Joker called out over the comms, making Mira grin widely.

The Normandy whined over their heads and circled around, dropping charges on the latest incoming group of batarian husks. Mira yelled out and watched her ship circle back to the end of the pier. She took a running start, leaping and sliding across a fallen steel beam. Anderson followed shortly after her. Her legs pumped as hard as they could once the cargo ramp opened to a welcoming sight. James and Kaidan waited for her on the ramp. Powering her legs, Mira jumped off the end of the wrecked pier and to the ramp, feeling Kaidan's strong grasp around her wrist.

His smile warmed her. "Welcome aboard, Shepard."

"Thanks!" She grinned. As she turned to help Anderson, Mira noticed that the admiral remained down below. "Come on, sir!"

"No, Shepard. I'm staying behind." His look was deadly serious as he gazed upon Mira. "I'm needed here." He turned his head to see one of the Alliance shuttles full of Marines fly by.

"Then I will stay with you!" Mira made to move but felt Kaidan's hand on her elbow.

"No! I need you to go to the Council and talk with them! We need their help! The Reapers are real and they won't stop with Earth!"

"They aren't going to listen to me, sir! I have tried until I'm blue in the face and they refuse to listen!"

Anderson scowled, "Make them listen! We can't do this alone!"

Mira shook her head, her eyes going over the chaotic destruction around them. "You forget I don't take orders from you anymore, Anderson!" She called out.

He dug into his pocket, looking down at a glittering pair of dog tags that had Mira's name engraved on them. David had these made for her before Hackett sent her off to Bahak, along with her promotion that was long overdue. Now that he was able to give them to her, his fingers closed over the tags and threw them up to Mira.

Mira caught the glittering chain and tags, opening her hand and seeing the freshly stamped tags with her name, serial number, and vitals on them. The only change was the rank, listing her as Staff Commander. Her head shot up to see Anderson smile proudly to her, his protégé, and friend.

"Consider yourself reinstated…Commander."

Her throat closed up as she looked on at the man for a moment longer. "I will come back, sir!"

"I know you will."

"God speed, Admiral!" Mira called out. Anderson saluted her and jumped down from his perch and ran over to a hovering shuttle waiting close by. Mira looked out at other shuttles gathering any survivors running to them. Her eyes riveted to a familiar little boy among the throng. The sweet innocent face was terrified but he soldiered on bravely among the chaos of running soldiers and civilians. The Normandy started to back away steadily from the scene. The blare and earth shaking sound of a Reaper made her gaze sharply at the evacuating shuttles and the impending threat looming close by. The center oculus glowed an angry red, prepping its attack beam. Mira stood transfixed to the cargo ramp decking, Kaidan at her side, just as transfixed. James watched on from the other side, as if in slow motion, they watched the shuttles launch and the red beam launch at the same time, following their ascent into the sky. The closest shuttle blew apart first, following shortly after the second shuttle. The second shuttle had the boy on it and Mira gasped, turning her head away and closing her eyes to the needless destruction.

Breathing in steadily, she opened her eyes balefully at the hateful being that sought the destruction of humanity. Her mouth set in a hard line as she turned her back on the scene. "Close the ramp. Let's get out of here." She ordered bitterly.

"Shepard…" Kaidan choked out, surprised to see such open emotion of sadness then hate on her face.

"We can't just leave!" James cried out angrily.

"We are." Mira said in a deadpan voice. "Joker, set course to the Citadel."

"_Aye-aye, Commander."_

Slipping the dog tags over her head, Mira headed further in the Normandy and to the elevator. The resounding finality of the ramp closing shook Mira to her core. She hated having to run. She never ran from anything in her life! Kaidan watched Mira, keeping his thoughts to himself, knowing to give Mira her space. He was in shock and grieving too that they had to leave everyone behind. However, no one gave the memo to James Vega to leave Shepard be when her face closed down and was in command-mode.

"The fight is here! These people need us HERE!" James yelled at Mira as he stomped over to stand in front of her, looking down in righteous fury. "I didn't sign up for running away!"

Mira's body flared brightly and she looked up angrily into James' face. "If you want us to turn around to drop you off on the ground, it is too late. We will serve Earth better to go get help, as we were ordered!" Her voice started quietly and rose in intensity at the hulking lieutenant. "If you are going to have a problem being under my command, Lieutenant, then when we get to the Citadel, you can find the first transport back. Until then, you will do as you are told!"

James' mouth stood open in muted shock as he never witnessed the full force of Mira's command side. Suddenly, the full force of Commander Shepard focused on him. Snapping his mouth shut in a hard line, he stared straight ahead. "Yes, ma'am."

"_Commander, Admiral Hackett is on comm."_ Traynor called down to the shuttle bay.

"Put him through." Mira ordered. She turned crisply to the bay's control panel and accepted the transmission. It was garbled, barely coming through the Reaper interference as the Normandy flew through the invading fleet.

"_Shepard…glad…through….Change of plans."_ The transmission came through clearer as they got further away from Earth. _"I need you to go to Mars before you head to the Citadel. There is something there that will help with the fight against the Reapers. It is important that you get there ASAP."_

"What is it that we are picking up, sir?" Mira asked.

"_I won't say over the comm but it is of vital importance."_ Hackett told her.

"Are…" Mira started.

"_I am fine. Most of the fleets were away from Arcturus before the Reapers struck. When you get the data, contact me."_

The transmission ended, leaving Mira to lean against the console. Her body started to tremble as the adrenaline wound down and her amps shuddered to a standstill, leaving her feeling weak. There wasn't time to be weak, not now. Kaidan hovered close by but she refused to invite his help. James stood by sullenly.

"Lieutenant Vega, gather what weapons and armor are on the Normandy, and bring it down here for inventory. We will need to be prepared once we get to Mars." Mira ordered quietly.

He snapped a salute, "Aye, ma'am."

After he left, Kaidan leaned back on the console next to Mira, looking down at the bent over woman. "You were a little harsh on the lieutenant."

"I don't have time to deal with tantrums, Kaidan." Mira breathed deeply and slowly released it, calming the trembling of her nerves. "We are at war now, like it or not, and this is a fight for our survival."

"Granted. But don't piss off the people who are trying to help in the meantime."

Mira's head shot up to look into Kaidan's grim face. There was a tension between them that was never there before. While she sometimes thought of him still as the lieutenant that served on the old Normandy, the man before her was an equal now in command and rank, and couldn't be bullied or ordered in the same manner as the rest of her crew. Now that war was upon them, that equality of command could cause some headaches, especially when they fled on the Normandy with no crew established, or chain of command.

"I'm going to go check on those that are on board. We need to know what sort of crew we have." Kaidan put forth and left Mira alone.

When she was alone in the shuttle bay, Mira gave a shuddering deep breath, swallowing the threatening tears and fear.


	38. Chapter 37 Mars

**Mass Effect: All the Things That I've Done  
**_Chapter 37 – Mars_

James watched Mira go over her armor for the third time, as he finished tallying up the thermal clips and grenades he managed to collect. The past few months spoiled him regarding the guard duty over the commander, and while he teased her by calling that, James never really saw that side to her. That is, until they left Earth. He was still pissed that they were running from where the fight was. Grinding his teeth, James dropped the data pad to the counter. The clatter made Mira raise her head to look at the hulking marine.

"Is there a problem?" Mira asked James.

"Yeah, we are running from where the fight is."

"We are following orders, lieutenant." Mira said.

"What is one ship going to do? We should be on the ground with Anderson fighting those Reapers."

"Do you think the Reapers are going to stop at Earth? Like it or not, we need help and if that means we go to the far ends of the galaxy to recruit everybody, then we are going to do it."

"That's a tall order…ma'am."

"I've been known to do the impossible." A flicker a smile crossed her face.

"So, why Mars first?" Vega questioned.

"Obviously, there is something of import there that is needed for the war effort. We won't know until we get there."

James looked beyond her shoulder to where Major Alenko was working with Cortez on the shuttle, getting it flight ready for the mission. Since coming aboard, everyone had been tense and worried. Except for this woman who was back in her familiar role of a commanding officer. However, when you looked closely enough, James could pick up the nervous tension in Mira.

"Look, Vega, we can't win this fight alone and this is more than humanity at stake but the all the races in the galaxy. If you still want to leave when we get to the Citadel, then feel free to. I could use your expertise on the Normandy since we have so little combat experienced soldiers aboard but if you feel you can't contribute to the fight here, I won't stop you."

"This just feels cowardly, us running out on the people on Earth." James shook his head.

"Trust me, I don't like it either, James." Mira told him quietly.

She held his eyes for a moment, imparting that she was worried and angry for those back on Earth but they had a larger task that took precedence over the battles being waged back home. Mira knew if they failed, everyone would die. Suddenly, the crushing weight of the galaxy resting on her shoulders returned, making her shoulders slump heavily.

"Let's get this mission done on Mars and then we'll see, okay?" James reached over and patted Mira's hand reassuringly.

Mira nodded and finished with fastening a new clasp on her breastplate, before laying it back down on the table. She turned her head to look over at Kaidan and Cortez. Shaking her head, she gave one more look to James and quietly left the cargo bay.

Kaidan's head lifted up from an electrical panel to watch Mira leave. He had a slight frown on his face, as Mira didn't even come over to check on him. Things were getting better, so he thought, but now, since Earth, Mira pulled away from him. The heavy slump of her body indicated that she was feeling the full weight of command and being the savior of the galaxy again. As he started to go back to his work, Kaidan's eye caught Vega's look. Vega slightly shook his head at him, indicating things were not fine.

Sighing, Kaidan finished his work. There wasn't time to drag Mira to the side and talk.

-= ||N7|| =-

"What is Cerberus doing here?" Kaidan asked incredulously, with a hint of suspicion toward Mira.

"Probably here for the same reason we are, Kaidan." She told him in a clipped voice. The air hissed into the cargo elevator, leaving Mira to break the seal on her helmet and take it off. Kaidan and James followed suit. "Look, Kaidan, I haven't heard from the Illusive Man or Cerberus since I told them to fuck off."

"It's true, Major. No one from Cerberus has even bothered to wish her well during her internment."

Mira shook her head and Kaidan scowled deeper at the levity in James' quip. "Okay, I'll accept that but it is still coincidental that they happen to be here before us."

"Well then, we don't have much time to find whatever it is that they are searching for. Because it sure looks like we may be fighting this war on two fronts." Mira unlatched her heavy pistol from her hip and secured her helmet at the small of her back.

They waited for the doors to finish opening and fanned out into the quiet cargo bay. Mira directed the two marines forward and off to the left and right while she went straight. She was already priming her nodes, feeling the easy flow of power from the implants. Glancing over, Mira noticed the blue shimmer around Kaidan as he activated his barrier. His eyes caught hers, giving her a slight nod, though his look was unreadable. Sighing, Mira couldn't waste time in allaying Kaidan's suspicions. Their heads jerked up as a noise was heard overhead, a loud traveling banging coming from the air ducts. James slammed behind a crate by Mira just as she squatted around the corner of it. Kaidan was on the opposite side, looking up at the ducts and hearing gunfire.

The grate at the terminus of one end of the ducts exploded outward from a kick and a blue figure jumped down, biotics flaring brightly. Cerberus troopers followed the person only to be held by a biotic field and then promptly shot twice in the head of each. The field was released and the troopers clamored to the floor.

James rushed up and out of cover, rifle up at the ready to deal with this new threat. Mira stayed his hand and nodded to Kaidan. They knew who it was by the biotic signature. Sure enough, the head turned and revealed Liara.

"It's good to see you, Shepard." Liara's mouth tugged upwards in a smile.

"This is an unexpected surprise, Liara."

"Can we trust her?" James growled.

"Do you want to be the man who shot the Shadow Broker?" Mira asked.

"What?" James' and Kaidan's face opened in shock.

"Hackett sent me here to retrieve something."

"I know. He had me posted here a few weeks back to help decipher the Prothean glyphs on the beacon here. I managed to make some headway and found something of use."

"Like what?"

Loud clamoring of more troopers broke off the quick conversation and had the group find cover to take care of the latest problem. James whooped with joy as he let loose a powerful shot from his assault rifle. Kaidan, Mira and Liara combined their biotics into a damage dealing combination that made short work of the Cerberus soldiers. When the battle was over, they gathered again in the central area of the cargo bay.

"Where do we need to go, Liara?"

"To the Archives. I have managed to lock it down when I saw Cerberus landing but it will not last long. Unfortunately, we have to cross the skyway as they made short work of any passages leading there."

"A way to make sure no one will follow them." James said.

"Indeed." Mira agreed.

Kaidan remained silent, taking in the quick dialog among the tenseness. It was good to see Mira in her element on the battlefield but how was she going to handle the Cerberus soldiers? Was she going to flinch away, and let them take whatever was in the Archives or will she fight? He wished now that they got to talk more about Cerberus and what they did to her.

"James, go back to the shuttle and wait for us."

"What? Are you crazy?" James exploded, angry to be left out from the fight.

"I need you there in case we need to get out in a hurry. The Major, Liara and I have to do this, as we have the experience with Prothean tech."

"But…"

"Lieutenant?" Mira raised an eyebrow at him.

He stiffened and nodded. "You better hurry, Commander. That storm is coming fast and I don't how the shuttle is going to handle that when it hits."

"Keep comms open, James." Mira nodded a dismissal to him.

Kaidan's eyes narrowed, wondering why she let Vega go. Yes, he and Liara were with Mira since the beginning but he was the better pilot regarding the shuttle. "Shepard, was that wise?"

Mira's blue eyes stared at him, piercing his own gaze, but Kaidan didn't flinch. "Yes. Cerberus are tough sonsabitches and I need our combined biotics to handle them. We know how to work together as a team and right now I can't expect a rookie to know every little call that is made. Not with this."

"All right, I see where you are going with that." Kaidan grudgingly accepted Mira's logic.

"We have to work quickly and I need you two to know what to do without my yelling commands over gunfire."

"Then we better go." Kaidan said, tightening his grip on his rifle.

-= || N7 || =-

Her eyes looked out over the security area, the emergency lights splashing the area with a garish red light. Mira felt a nervous energy in her, like the sands of an hourglass were steadily sifting down and they were constantly being delayed while time kept ticking away. She turned her head to see Kaidan wander into the next room.

"The Major has really come into his own." Liara commented.

"Yes he has." Mira's lips ghosted a smile.

"It is good to see him with this new found confidence."

"Mmmhmm."

"Shepard!" Kaidan called to her. "Come take a look at this!"

Mira moved to the next room and noticed Kaidan squatting before a dead Cerberus trooper, its helmet cracked from a slug that pierced it. Kaidan removed the helmet and hissed in revulsion. "What the fuck?"

As Mira stepped closer, she noted the partial indoctrination of the what used to be a man. The smile dropped immediately from her face and went into a simmering rage. The Illusive Man was indoctrinating his own people!

"Is he a husk?" Kaidan asked.

"I don't think so. They still have some semblance of independent thought and free will. No, this is worse." Mira grimaced. "Damn him!" She muttered.

"So tell me, did you know about this, Shepard?" Kaidan asked her.

"What?" Mira stood up and looked at him incredulously.

"All that time you spent in Cerberus, did you know that the Illusive Man was doing this?"

"No! Kaidan, how could you say that after all that we mean to each other?" Mira's eyes showed the hurt by his sudden suspicion of her.

"Mir, what do we mean to each other? I don't know anymore! Since your arrival on the Normandy, you have pulled away."

"No more than you have and then you have the audacity to think that I still have some contact with these…these…people? Come on, Kaidan! We talked about this."

"Not really. We didn't talk about Cerberus. We talked about you and the time helping them but never anything in depth about Cerberus itself."

Mira turned away and had to chuckle. If she didn't, she would simply cry at this newfound suspicion in Kaidan's voice and look. "You are a stubborn man."

Kaidan's mouth twitched at that, seeing at last a shred of Mira's humanity through the command mask. "I'm stubborn? Look who's talking."

She turned her face back to him. "Kaidan…"

"Hey, say I believe you, Mir…still we need to talk about Cerberus sometime."

"I don't know any more than you do, Kaidan."

He reached up to her face and was just about to caress her cheek when the comms on the trooper crackled into life. They turned to look at the dead soldier and Mira got a sudden grin on her face. "Oh, no, Shepard." Kaidan shook his head and followed as she kneeled down and took off the comm unit.

-= ||N7|| =-

"We could have been allies, Shepard." The holoimage of the Illusive Man said.

"I don't think so, TIM." Mira's lips tugged at the corners. "You see, I'm for more than just humanity's salvation and DO want to see the Reapers gone."

"Your imagination is so limited. I really thought you were something special when I brought you back. Now, you are like the rest. The next time we meet, Shepard, it won't be on friendly terms."

"I'm looking forward to that day." Mira's lips curved into a ferocious hard smile.

"Now, I must go. I got what I came for. Good luck, Shepard. May the best man win." The image flickered out and Mira heard Kaidan's cry off to her right. A darting figure ran away from a column, where it sparked and overloaded. Kaidan rolled away from the overloaded panel and yelled to Mira.

"Go after her! She's got the data!"

"Kaidan!" Mira looked to him.

"GO!" he yelled at her, just as Liara helped him up.

Not wasting another second, Mira ran after the fleeing figure of the scientist that Cerberus implanted on Mars. She controlled her breathing for the sprint down the corridors, seeing walls and panels blur by her. The central guard stand was shut behind her quarry, causing Mira to skid on the floor. Yelling, her hand flared brightly and punched a dark energy hole in the door. Lifting her legs up, she jumped over the counter and hit the floor at full sprint again.

Mira tried to keep sight of the fleeing woman, trying to keep up with the breakneck speed the other was setting. When she reached a door to the outside, Mira quickly snapped her helmet on. She thought that she had caught up with the woman a couple of times, only to have her quarry shoot at her, making the kinetic shields flare. Mira leaped up the ladder, her feet finding footing and shimmying up. It was like doing a Basic Training obstacle course all over again, trying to beat the time set from the person in front of her. She fought to keep her breath going evenly instead of huffing in air. However, there was nothing to stop the running fire in Mira's muscles at the extended chase.

Overhead, Mira noted a Cerberus Kodiak inbound to pick up their agent. Mira cursed and started tossing warps toward the woman, just as she hopped into the shuttle.

"JAMES! Stop that shuttle by any means!" Mira yelled into the comms.

"I'm right there, Lola! I'll get this bitch for you!" a mad laugh came through, as if the young lieutenant was enjoying himself in finally able to get some action.

The edge of the roof was fast approaching and Mira tried to slow down. Kaidan rushed up towards her and tackled Mira to the ground just a few feet from the edge. He looked down at her and grinned, shaking his head at the same time. They watched the Cerberus shuttle turn around and start to ascend. It wasn't long when the blue painted Alliance shuttle came roaring in and side swiped the other. Both shuttles lost control and headed for the far end of the roof that Mira and Kaidan were. The Cerberus shuttle flipped a full 360 before landing with a hard thud, fire already starting around the vehicle.

Their shuttle skidded to a halt, a little banged up but serviceable still. James popped the door and grinned widely at Mira and Kaidan. Kaidan stood up from Mira and went over to investigate the damaged shuttle. He brought out his heavy pistol and ramped up his amp, ready for any surviving troopers to burst through the door. When nothing happened for a full minute, Kaidan turned his back and started to go back and join the rest of the squad.

The door burst open and through the flames, a female figure walked out, much to everyone's surprise to see a mobile AI. The AI grabbed Kaidan in a steel grip, lifting him off his feet, slamming his armored body into the side of the shuttle and proceeded to send an overload through the armor's systems.

"KAIDAN!" Mira screamed out in horror. James went to reach for Mira but she ripped out of the man's grasp, her eyes focusing on that thing that hurt the one man she loved. Mira threw a warp to it, for it to have little effect. Grimacing, Mira withdrew her heavy pistol and started plugging slugs into the AI, each of them walking to the other like some gunslinger duel. When the AI finally collapsed, Mira tossed her pistol away and dashed to Kaidan's prone body.

"Kaidan…" Mira dropped to her knees and checked over his armor. The faceplate of his helmet was cracked and continuing to spread due to Mars' pressure. She saw a shadow fall over them and James came into view to help pick up the unconscious Major.

"We need to go. The storm is almost upon us." James said gently.

Mira nodded numbly and helped him with Kaidan as they trundled back to the ready shuttle. Once inside, they laid out the Major on the deck. James went to the cockpit, Liara joining him. Mira carefully released the helmet and slid it off Kaidan. The burns and bruising on his face made her lips tremble. Flashes of Garrett came to her, making Mira whimper in sorrow.

"Please….no….d..don't…." Mira whimpered softly, her hands gently laid Kaidan's head on her lap. The rumble of the engines vibrated through her bones as they raced back to the Normandy.

They had just beaten the storm when the shuttle reached the start of space. The open ramp of the Normandy beckoned and James landed the Kodiak less than graceful. He rushed out of the pilots seat and went back to help Mira with Kaidan. He didn't need to ask where to take him, as they struggled with the dead weight of the man between them. Liara followed closely behind them.

-= ||N7|| =-

The dark subtle lighting of the comm room suited Mira fine, as she leaned over the railing that separated the holographic imagers from the rest of the room. Her eyes were closed as she relived Kaidan's downfall by that walking fembot. A couple of tears slipped out from her eyes, tracking down her face. With no doctor aboard and only Liara's basic medicine skills, they could only keep the Major sedated until the Normandy reached a real hospital on the Citadel.

Still, it was a few hours yet until they reached the Citadel, skirting around Reapers as they left the Sol system through the mass relay.

A whisper of someone standing behind Mira informed her she was not alone. "I've done all I can to make him comfortable. Kaidan needs a doctor." Liara's gentle voice reached out to Mira.

"I know." Mira said in a deadpan voice.

"Shepard…"

"Liara, please, leave me alone."

"I…" The asari started to say something and thought better of it. Seeing the pain her friend was in spoke volumes. "The Major is a fighter, Shepard." When Mira didn't respond, Liara left the War Room.

Mira opened her eyes and looked up; swallowing any tears that threatened to overwhelm her. There was no time to grieve, there was no time to have a moment of weakness, despite her wanting to curl up in a corner and cry at the unfairness of the universe. She had a war to fight and there were going to be casualties of war along the way. Like the Batarian Incident, there were going to many calls of sacrifice during the next few months.

"Anderson, you better have an Earth to return to." Mira prayed to anyone listening in the cosmos.

She turned her back on the comm panel and headed back to CIC.


	39. Chapter 38 The Words I Want to Say

**Mass Effect: All the Things That I've Done  
**_Chapter 38 – The words I want to say_

The elevator doors opened to a frantic chaos and antiseptic smell of Huerta Memorial Hospital. Mira scrunched her nose as she had come to detest it after all the times she seemed to wake up on a table or bed in the past year. This time Mira walked into the hospital to see a man she least expected to see laid up on a hospital bed, and not from the onset of a debilitating migraine. The murmur of many voices of refugees, doctors and those visiting filtered through her ears. Mira's eyes looked straight down the walkway to the other side where the labs and then the patient rooms were. For a hospital, it was not very large but then, this was only the trauma floor and Huerta was known for its critical care on the Citadel.

Pulling her lower lip between her teeth, Mira started to walk numbly toward to the patient ward. It had been 72 hours since they arrived and Kaidan was rushed to the hospital. The Spectre had not woken at all during the Normandy's mad rush to the Citadel. Liara kept constant watch on his vitals but told Mira that he had slipped into a coma induced by the traumatic shock to the body.

"Commander Shepard?" a softly accented voice called to Mira.

Mira turned her head to see a familiar sight, one Dr. Michel, who she and Kaidan first met on the Citadel when searching for a certain C-Sec officer. The doctor handed a data pad to a nurse and headed toward her. "Dr. Michel, it is good to see you!"

"Likewise! I haven't forgotten what you did for me a couple of years ago."

"I see you have moved up." Mira smiled a small smile, her heart not fully into cheerful small talk.

"Yes, I have. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to lead the trauma section of the hospital. And when Dr. Chakwas joined the team a few months ago, I feel like I have been blessed!" The doctor smiled brilliantly and saw the numbed expression on Mira's face. "Commander, is anything wrong?"

"No, no, I'm fine. I'm…I'm here to see someone." Mira replied.

"This couldn't be Major Alenko, could it?" Dr. Michel smile sympathetically.

"Yes. How is he?" Her eyes fixated on the woman, thirsty for any good news.

"He is in serious shock. We did all we could do to repair what we could but the body needs to heal now and that is all the Major's doing."

"He will live?"

Dr. Michel reached out to Mira and grasped her forearm comfortingly. "He will live, Commander. Major Alenko is a fighter and I believe he is fighting for something." Her eyes smiled at Mira knowingly.

"Doctor, I am concerned as a colleague."

"We are at war, Commander. I think some regulations are a bit senseless now. Besides, I knew that Major Alenko had his sights on you since that first visit to my clinic."

"B..but we weren't…" Mira's mouth gaped in surprise.

"Easy, Shepard. A woman who has eyes to see, see these things. Now, go and see your Major. He is still under sedation but sometimes, knowing a loved one is there is enough."

Mira nodded and walked the rest of the way to the patient ward. She was directed to Kaidan's room and stood in front of the closed door, taking in a deep breath. The smells and beeps really made her uneasy. Steeling her courage, Mira pressed the door release and stood in the doorway. The one wall was all windows that looked out to the placid greenery and water of the Presidium's many parks. Cars flew by silently, adding an everyday bustle that didn't take note of the pathetic state of people housed in the hospital. None of the scenery mattered for laying in front of the expanse of window, was Kaidan, bruised and battered, with monitors hooked up to him. He looked like he was napping but Mira knew better. She hated that there was that subtle rift between them that happened in the past few months. Swallowing the tears, Mira stepped in and stopped to see a doctor turn around, tapping at a data pad.

"Chakwas!" Mira exclaimed in surprise.

"Shepard!" The woman smiled and rushed to her, wrapping Mira in a hug. "It is good to see you free and about. I wish it was under better circumstances, however."

"Me too. Kaidan…"

"He's resting as comfortably as can be. Right now, he needs time."

"I don't know how much time we will have with the Reapers moving into the galaxy."

"I know but have faith, Mira. He's had faith in you all these years."

Mira saw the glint of something lying on Kaidan's colored chest and walked over, her fingers gently plucking at the silver chain and the medallion attached to it. It was the St. Valentine pendant she gave to Kaidan on his birthday. To know that he still wore it after all this time brought a soft smile to her face.

"I figured it was best to leave that with Kaidan." Chakwas said and silently left the room, leaving Mira with Kaidan.

Mira rubbed at the worn silver surface of the pendant and set it back on Kaidan's chest. Her hand rested gently over it and the bruised skin. "I'm sorry…so sorry." Mira whispered. "I wish we could go back and do some things over, for I would have…" She stopped, unsure what exactly she would have changed.

"We have lost so much time and now time is needed for you to get better. I don't know if there is any time. Kaidan…" Mira swallowed back tears again, not wanting to lose herself to the regret and pain she was feeling. It was hard when the bruised and battered man she loved lay there, unresponsive to her touch and voice. Mira wanted so badly to hear his warm, raspy voice, that breathy deep chuckle of his, as he teased her over something. She wanted him to open those warm, expressive brown eyes, to tell her everything was going to be all right.

_If there is a God…please, watch over him._ Mira prayed. Leaning over Kaidan, Mira gently placed her lips against Kaidan's. "You better get well, Alenko. That's…that's an order." Mira stood up, looked over Kaidan one more time, and turned to leave.

After she had left, Kaidan's hand twitched while his consciousness fought to the surface. "M…Mira…" He sighed heavily and fell into a normal sleep.

-= ||N7|| =-

Two Weeks Later…

"Dammit!" Mira cursed, as she paced the shuttle bay while James fiddled with some gadget on his workbench. "The Krogan won't help unless the Turians provide aid, and the Turians won't throw their lot in until I find some lost pup! Can this get anymore fucked up!"

"Hey, I'm not the diplomatic one, Lola." James shrugged his shoulders. "We can't afford to piss either side off and we do need them. I remember a certain commander saying that we need to recruit everyone in order to fight this fight."

"Damn you for throwing my words back at me, Vega!" But she smiled at James anyway.

"What are friends for?" He returned Mira's grin with a saucy one of his own.

She punched him playfully in the bicep, which James feigned hurt. Mira leaned back on the workbench next to him and looked across the bay, thinking of strategy already in how to go about securing this fragile alliance of two longtime rivals. James shook his head, knowing Mira was already making plans. Then the corners of her mouth turned down in a sad way and he knew her thoughts turned to the Major.

"If Kaidan was here, he could reason a little with Wrex. As odd a friendship I have with the Krogan, those two were something to behold."

"Wrex is a likeable guy, for a Krogan." James replied.

"He grows on you. I knew you would like him. You have the same temperament."

"Now what is that supposed to mean?" James half turned toward Mira.

"You are both hot-headed, all action first and talk later." Mira grinned. She grew silent for a moment. "He's awake and restless."

"So, you want to jet over to the Citadel and see the Major?"

"What I want is irrelevant. I have a job to do first. Kaidan would understand." Mira chewed at her lower lip.

James raised a forefinger and pulled that offending lip out from between her teeth. "Don't ruin that pretty mouth with that habit, Lola."

"And what are you are going to do about it, Vega?" Mira raised an eyebrow.

"Oh ho! No, I don't mess with other men's women, especially when one can rip me in half with a flick of the wrist."

"He's refined that. It's a flick of the finger now." Mira grinned.

"You are a bad woman, Shepard!" James laughed loudly.

Standing up, Mira rolled her shoulders, the barely broken-in hoodie with the classic N7 strip down the sleeve, resting in place. The tight black t-shirt underneath was near distracting to James, so he avoided looking too long. She smiled at him again and patted his arm. "Thanks for letting me vent, James."

"That's why I'm here. I help you, you help me. I've seen you at your worst, Mir, and hell if I am going to watch you go down that road again."

"That means a lot. Now, I better talk to Garrus and get his thoughts on what I am thinking."

She walked to the elevator in a better and calmer frame of mind, ready to start planning with her long-time best friend that had been with her since the beginning of this whole quest to defeat the Reapers.

"Risky, Shepard." Garrus intoned. "I like it!" He gave his version of a smile, the mandibles flaring out from his face.

"I knew you would. We need to secure the Turians first before we deal with Wrex's problem. Besides, curing the genophage is going to take a bit of time and work, where finding this lost squadron is far less time. That way, we can drop off Victus at the Citadel after completing his mission, so he can talk to the Council."

"If I didn't know how you hated politics, I would suspect you were doing some politicking there." Garrus chided Mira.

"The Council is thick-headed as always and as much as I hate Udina, he is on our side with this. Victus will back him up to explain what is happening out there is not just on Earth. That this is not some human problem anymore."

"Remind me to never play poker with you." Garrus laughed. "However, this might work and if we save this lost sheep, Victus will be grateful to you. If there is one thing that Turians hate, it's owing favors."

"Good because I hate collecting on them." Mira grinned.

"Shepard…how are you doing?"

"I'm fine, Garrus." Mira avoided Garrus' direct gaze.

"Really?"

She looked up at the Turian, "Really."

Deciding to trust her word, Garrus grunted and did not press the subject. "Alright, let's get this show on the road. I believe we are a couple hours out from Tuchanka."

"Wrex won't like this backtracking we will be doing once we finish Victus' mission."

"No, he won't, but then, it is one less open warfare waiting to happen while you are on duty that we must do this."

"This will be an opportunity to contact the Salarian Councilor anyway and see if he could contact Mordin."

"Ahh, kill two birds with one stone, eh, Shepard?"

"You bet." Mira smiled.

-= ||N7|| =-

The staccato beat of the assault rifle rang in her ears, along with the deep thumping of her released biotics toward a new oncoming wave of Cerberus. Gritting her teeth, Mira focused on the black, gold, and white armored soldiers. Everywhere they seemed to go that was vital, there was Cerberus, one step ahead. Mira wasn't normally a suspicious person but this was happening too often to be coincidental. How did Cerberus know that they were here on Tuchanka, and knew about this particular bombsite?

A soldier closed in on her position and she rolled out of cover, raising her heavy pistol up, her finger squeezed the trigger and shot at the helmet faceplate. The faceplate cracked as the shot pierced through and blew the soldier back. He crumpled to the ground. Mira didn't think twice as she went back behind the ruined barrier.

The ground shuddered as an Atlas was dropped from a shuttle. Mira cursed under her breath.

"Atlas three o'clock!" Garrus yelled out.

"I see it!" Mira replied. "James, flank its right, Garrus to the left."

"On it, Commander!" James answered.

She gave a quick glimpse upwards to where the controls for the old drill was and got a quick moment of surprise as she saw Victus' son clamber down one of the clamps. The Atlas focused on her by sending a volley of rockets toward Mira. She ran and rolled away from the blast, feeling the shock wave against the shields as it exploded off to the side. Mira's nodes flared with raw power, searing her nerves at the barely contained energy. Waving her arm forward, hand spread out, Mira sent out a powerful warp throw, causing the Atlas to pause its lumbering movement toward her. She didn't stop as she pounded the Atlas and its pilot with a throw and another warp. Her nodes seared with each release, leaving Mira trembling with each release. Rage had filled her and Mira let out all the rage, frustration, and grief in each flash of dark energy toward a Cerberus agent.

"SHEPARD! ENOUGH!" Garrus yelled in front of her face as he grabbed her shoulder and shook the woman. "It's over!"

The dark energy wisps around her body died down as control was initiated over the nodes and amp. Blinking slowly, Mira looked into the concerned eyes of her Turian friend. James stood warily to the side, a little shaken at her display of raw power. "Victus?"

Garrus shook his head and turned his head upwards toward the dangling drill head. Her eyes followed his gaze and saw both turian and bomb were gone. Closing her eyes, Mira bit back the rise of bile in her throat. The last Cerberus shuttle zoomed away from the site, leaving without what they had thought to claim.

"Why?" Mira choked out.

"The clamps were stuck. To redeem his costly actions, he decided to do the job himself." Garrus told Mira.

"And so a father loses a son this day." Mira sighed heavily. She turned to look at James and looked away. "Let's move out. Time to finish this."

The quiet of the Loft was soothing. Only the distant thrum of the Normandy's engines as it flew through space toward the Citadel added to the overall calming effect. Mira sipped at a glass of water as she watched her fish swim around in the aquarium. Her head was dully throbbing from the amount of power she had unleashed but that isn't what bothered her. It was that she was nearly reckless with it, unleashing that full potential of her biotic energy as her anger snapped on the battlefield. It wasn't like her.

Things were starting to get to her the more news of the Reapers taking over worlds filtered to her desk. The long never-ending lists of missing and the dead weighed on her. The task before her was daunting and the crux of it all was everyone should have been better prepared! Didn't she warn the Council two years ago that this was coming? And to add to the stress, Cerberus was fighting against her efforts with their own agenda!

Placing the cool glass to her forehead, Mira closed her eyes and sighed. Where was the infamous Shepard control? Somehow, over the past year or so, it slowly disintegrated. Her focus remained true but Mira could no longer separate her emotions from her duty. At night, she dreamt of the little boy she would watch during her incarceration, seeing his fear as the Reaper landed near the escaping shuttles. Then to deliver the news to a father that his son had died, it made Mira cringe.

Raising her hand, Mira suddenly and with force, threw the glass at the far wall of her quarters. The satisfying sound of exploding glass tinkled in the quiet room. The door to the quarters swished open to reveal Dr. Chakwas. Mira looked up with a guilty look on her face.

"I was about to see how you are doing as you didn't come down to the infirmary for the usual post mission physical, especially when I heard you fully opened up your nodes." The woman said dryly.

"Chakwas…"

"Commander, you have some concerned people asking after you."

"I'm fine." Mira frowned and went over to go pick up the broken glass.

"Just as Joker is fine when he doesn't want to do his usual round of treatments for his legs. I'm sorry; I don't believe you, Commander." Chakwas walked down the stairs and waited for Mira to finish picking up the broken glass.

"Doctor, I don't want to talk about it." Mira told Chakwas firmly. "Not now. Things are too…jumbled in my head right now to really say anything in a comprehensive manner."

"All right." The doctor agreed reluctantly and silently left.

Mira went to the trash, dumped the remains of the glass, and steadied herself.

-= ||N7|| =-

He watched the cars fly out the window, itching to be out of the hospital bed. However, every time Kaidan tried to raise his body up, it protested loudly and had him grunting back on the raised mattress. Dr. Michel had been very accommodating to him, giving the latest news reports but what he wanted most, since he felt Mira at his bedside when he first come out of a coma, was to see her. Nevertheless, he understood the mission took priority in gathering allies to fight the Reapers. Kaidan just wished he were there with her.

Laying his head back on the pillow, staring at the sterile looking ceiling, Kaidan looked back over the past year since finding out Mira was alive. He had kept track of her exploits when out in the Terminus and using Cerberus' resources. Didn't he see the vid of the last communication she had to the Illusive Man? It was his fault, however, for not asking further into her time spent working with the pro-humanity group. And he was a fool to start suspecting that Mira knew what Cerberus was up to now. Just the look on her face as he all near accused her of renewing ties with them, told Kaidan Mira wasn't in contact with them. On Mars, her conversation with the Illusive Man should have further cemented the reality that Mira wanted nothing to do with the man and his soldiers.

But what was really bothering him?

He missed Mira. He regretted not being there more for her when she needed him. Kaidan regretted very few things in his life but his feelings toward the famous Mira Shepard, he wished he could redo some of the thing that were said when he discovered her resurrection and how he handled Horizon. The doubts had eaten at him slowly, even when they had their first date. Some part of him wanted to at Mira's side but he didn't want to be some subordinate to the Commander. Kaidan had led his own life for two years, earned his rank and accolades, even his own command of a new squadron of biotics. He was afraid that he would be relegated back to Mira's shadow during this time of the conflict with the Reapers. It was unfair to think that Mira would place him there, for she valued his insight, welcomed his opinions and arguments.

Then another, deeper part was afraid. Afraid for Mira and that in the end, he would lose her all over. Kaidan didn't know if he could live through that grief again.

"Hey, soldier." Her voice called from the door of Kaidan's room.

He turned toward that warm, throaty voice and smiled. "Hey."

Mira walked in and sat on the edge of his bed. Kaidan moved a little so she would have a little more room. His eyes traveled over the woman of his dreams, the one he loved more than life itself. There were dark circles starting to bruise her eyes, as if Mira wasn't getting a full night's sleep. She looked tired, worn.

"So when are you going to stop laying around on the job?" Mira's mouth lifted at the corners.

"I'm ready to go back to work but the docs say I need to rest more."

"Well, you still look like someone colored you with crayons, Kai."

Kaidan smiled softly at Mira calling him by his shortened name. "I feel like that punching bag I beat down at OCS."

Mira chuckled at that, lifting a tentative hand to his face. Kaidan took hold of her hand and pressed it to his cheek, curling his fingers around hers. He felt the strong pulse of energy under the skin, stronger than before, always ready to unleash. Then he took notice of the strain around Mira's eyes. This worried Kaidan.

"I'm not on the Citadel for long, Kai. I have a meeting with the Salarian Councilor in an hour."

"That's fine. I know that you have things to do, Mir. Hey, a visit from you, no matter how long is always welcomed."

"Is it?" Mira tilted her head in query.

"Yeah." Kaidan told her softly. His eyes held hers, holding no judgment, accusation or suspicion that it did back on Mars. "Come lay down next to me for a while." He opened his arms and gently turned onto his side.

Mira brought her body up on the bed and settled into Kaidan's arms, facing him, their noses touching and sharing the same warm breath. The tenseness of her body started to unwind slowly. Kaidan caressed at the back of Mira's neck and through her hair, showing her that he still loved her, despite all that was said and done in the past few weeks.

"Are we going to be all right?" Mira asked Kaidan.

"Yeah, we are." Kaidan reassured her. "We have a lot to sort through, Mir. I have a lot to sort through. Don't doubt my feelings for you but…since your return, I have wanted nothing but to have you here again, that I may have rushed headlong with my heart without settling some things in my head first."

"I can't imagine how hard it has been for you. I am missing two years of my life, where my life was in stasis, while the world moved on around me."

"And you are desperately playing catch up." Kaidan stated.

"Exactly."

"Start playing again, Mir." Kaidan blurted. "Not for my sake, but for yours. It will help get your head together. I haven't seen you more at peace than when you play the piano."

"I don't have the…"

Kaidan laid a finger on her lips, quieting Mira. "Make time. Mir, you are losing the control you once had, I can feel it under your skin. Are you getting the headaches?"

Mira chewed at her lip, avoiding Kaidan's gaze and then looked back. "Yes."

"Play, Mir. That is how you will get your control back. You will need that fine control to keep up the fight, especially when the final battle comes. I don't need you burned out!" Kaidan told her with a quiet vehemence in his voice.

"I wish you were there with me, Kai." Mira whispered.

"I know and I wish I was too. Right now, we need this time to get our heads together. I want to know I won't be a distraction."

"And that you won't be a shadow." Mira confirmed his one fear.

"I…well, yeah." Kaidan gave a small grin.

"I understand." Her fingers caressed across his lips, which he kissed.

They lay there for a few more minutes in silence, just enjoying being in each other's arms with no expectations. It was hard to decide to go ahead and take time from each other but Kaidan felt it was needed and best. Mira needed her focus, needed to gain control again. He also sensed that she needed to deal with the emerging emotions on her own. For so long she had held back her feelings behind that mask she wore to the world. Always the cool, confident commander that controlled her emotions and swallowed the pain and grief. However, Kaidan knew that at some point, that would come out and bite you in the ass. During her incarceration, Mira got the start of that burgeoning overflow of repressed emotions.

Mira never got the chance to come to terms with the loss of two years of her life. With dealing with the Illusive Man's soldiers, her anger was showing, hence the constant readiness of her amp. Kaidan had come to grips with his humanity, because of Mira. Now, she had to go through the process just as he had. Mira Shepard had to become human again.

"_Commander, the Councilor will see you in fifteen minutes."_ Joker called through her comm piece in her ear.

"Thank you, Joker." She looked at Kaidan, smiling softly. Kaidan treasured that smile. "Don't be a stranger."

"Same to you."

Kaidan watched Mira rise and slide off the hospital bed. With one last caress to his face, she left him alone. He sighed heavily, already missing her warm body and weight next to him. Kaidan moved his face into the depression of the pillow Mira's head was and inhaled her scent. Stifling a large yawn, Kaidan closed his eyes, wrapping a hand around the pillow and bringing Mira's scent closer to his nose.


	40. Chapter 39 Upward Struggle for Humanity

**Mass Effect: All the Things That I've Done  
**_Chapter 39 – Upward struggle for humanity_

After leaving the Salarian Councilor's office feeling like nothing was accomplished or helpful, Mira headed back to the Normandy. It was time to head to Surkesh with Wrex and find out if this Eve existed still and see if she could be returned to Tuchanka. The Krogan had accepted Mira as one of their own and now, Mira was chewing on the idea of an actual fertile female to help replenish the warmongering race. However, Wrex had done a lot of changes in getting his people more organized and cohesive. If it remained successful, the Krogran's would be a civilization to be reckoned with, next to the Turians. The Salarians and Asari didn't want to see them become a contender in the galactic politics though, that Mira could tell.

Well, their likes or dislikes wasn't her concern. She needed everyone on board to fight the Reaper threat. Everyone must stand together to face this existence ending malaise. The cycle had to stop at all cost! Mira released the fists her hands balled up in and wavering with dark blue energy. Shaking her hands loose, Mira sighed. She hadn't been doing Samara's centering and focus techniques lately, thus she was losing the fine control over the nodes in her body. Also, the level of power coming so easily to her grasp, on some level, still frightened Mira. She was comfortable with the L3s and could handle those. But the experimental L5s Cerberus implanted made Mira's teeth buzz.

Thinking of what Kaidan requested she do, Mira paused in her thinking over the current strategy of the next assignment. He was right. When she played, Mira found grounding and a center. The music helped soothe any troubles she had as they were pounded away on the keys of a piano or keyboard. Only thing, the portable keyboard she had on the first Normandy was long gone. She didn't have time to go shopping for a new one. Sighing, she resumed her steady walk to the gangway of the Normandy.

The dock was ever busy with bustling Alliance soldiers, leaving for other ships or arriving on transports to the Citadel. Some soldiers stood in the lobby watching ANN for the latest news of the Reaper invasion and what planet was now being attacked. Sobs broke out as some colony was mentioned or ship lost. Thoughts of her mother popped into Mira's mind, thankful to not have heard Admiral Shepard's ship on the casualty list.

Now, she needed to get cracking on gathering allies.

"Mordin! What are you doing here?" Mira asked in surprise, pleased to see the old STG agent.

"I took it upon myself to continue Maelon's research."

"But I thought you weren't going to do anything with that?"

"True but had possibility. What if Maelon was right? Don't worry, females are volunteers."

"Were you responsible for getting the information to Wrex?" Mira eyed the crafty salarian.

"I might have had a hand in that. I regret what I did to Krogan. Time to make things right."

"Let's go then."

"I will secure Eve. Go down the hall, there will be an emergency exit. Hurry, Shepard! Cerberus will spare nothing to secure Eve!"

She knew this and rushed down the corridor with James and Garrus in tow. When they reached the upper levels, a Cerberus shuttle flew past, carrying more troops. Again, to have Cerberus here when they were, played on Mira's mind. They seemed to know that they would be here to get something vital to the Krogan. Something to help stabilize the species and cement their aid in the war effort.

"Shit!" Mira spat.

James and Garrus looked at her in surprise. "What?" James dared to ask.

"Cerberus could care less about Eve! They just want to destroy the chance of cementing an alliance with the krogan!"

Both men opened their eyes in surprise at the revelation. "We'll worry about the implications of Cerberus and our missions." Garrus intone. "Right now, we need to get Eve and Mordin to the shuttle safely.

Nodding agreement, Mira primed her amp and the energy in her nodes thrummed heavily, making her body resonate. It almost made her nauseous. Firming her grip on the Paladin in hand, she ran and slid behind a low wall, just as the first turret fire spat automatically in her direction.

-= ||N7|| =-

He grunted as the legs swung over the bedside. Kaidan rested his hands on either side of his body and pushed. As the feet flattened on the cool floor, he had to steady himself and strengthen his legs from the sudden wobbling they experienced after being laid up for so long. Dr. Michel had given him the okay to attempt to get out of the bed and start building up his stamina with some walking. His chest and ribs still were sore and Kaidan had to turn his body oh so carefully. The doctor did warn him not to attempt to open his amp or nodes up. To keep him from doing so, a specialist tuned down the amp to near nothing that Kaidan felt like a part of him was missing. However, in retrospect, not having the constant background buzz in his head was a relief and thus, having no threatening migraines for weeks was a relief.

Breathing steadily, Kaidan took his tentative first step away from the bed and smiled, as the legs did not collapse under him. Thankfully, instead of having a hospital gown, a pair of Alliance Marine issue exercise pants was brought for him. It was strange to be wandering shirtless but his ribs were still corseted in bandaging. Wearing a shirt would irritate him, as his skin was sensitive to any rubbing of material on it.

Slowly, Kaidan progressed through the door of his room and paused. The hall was filled with rushing nurses and doctors, injured refugees lined one side of the corridor on makeshift beds. The reality of war hit Kaidan as he took in the misery of the wounded and dying. He wondered how his group of biotics was doing. Did they survive? Did they meet up with Anderson? And father? Is he alive? Where was he?

The task set before Mira and the crew of the Normandy hit him like a brick. When he walked carefully down the corridor to the lobby to where the newsvids were showing on the screens, Kaidan took it all in. The advance of the Reapers on colony worlds, the fall of Palaven, Cerberus attacks on remote locations, plus sightings of the Normandy dodging the enemy as they gathered allies and assets.

"She will succeed." A deep, throaty voice told Kaidan.

Kaidan looked next to him to see a drell standing there, watching the screen as Kaidan was. Not many drells were seen outside of their own home and then hearing the watery cough coming from this one, Kaidan knew who it was.

"You must be Thane." Kaidan said.

The drell assassin looked over to Kaidan and gave a brief nod. "I am, Major Alenko. I knew who you were since the day they rolled you into the hospital."

"I've heard quite a few things about you." Kaidan raised an eyebrow. He didn't know if it was something about drells, but Kaidan couldn't deny the fact that the man was alluring. When Mira talked about her friend, Kaidan heard the softness in her voice. Whether it was because of an attraction or what, Kaidan never pushed for a further explanation of their relationship.

"Don't worry about my relationship with Shepard, Major. She is a dear and close friend. We have much in common, being as we both are trained guns."

"How did…"

"Subtle body language. You love her."

Kaidan looked away and back at the vidscreen, swallowing. He did but he was doubting if it was enough to help him come to terms with what Mira had done. It was unfair to continue blaming her for her time with Cerberus, for refusing him to come with her to get Joker, and so much more.

"Ah, love never runs a smooth course between two soldiers." Thane coughed.

"How much did she share with you?"

"Not as much as she did with Garrus, who is a friend to both of you, but enough that I have helped Mira through some difficult crises of faith."

"She needs to be strong; especially with what has been set before her." Kaidan closed his eyes for a moment. "Can we sit?"

"Of course." Thane helped Kaidan to a chair when the biotic's legs threatened to collapse.

"I'm still a little weak but I didn't want to be cooped up in that bed anymore."

"Shepard is a remarkable woman but the thing that makes her strong is the people she is surrounded by. I have sensed when I was on the Normandy that she seemed…" Thane tasted a word before saying it, "incomplete. Most of her old crew was with her but for one."

"We had been through hell and back." Kaidan told Thane. "I've known her for over ten years off and on, but truly didn't get to do so intimately until she was assigned to the Normandy." Kaidan found Thane easy to talk with. He was no threat, so Kaidan felt he could talk honestly with Thane.

"Why aren't you with her now?" Thane asked.

Kaidan chuckled dryly. "I keep asking myself that. I try to convince myself that I need the time to find out the soldier I am, the man I am, is separate from her. That I can stand on my own and not be a part of Shepard's shadow."

Thane laughed wetly. "You are a fool, Alenko, if you think that. No one who was served with Shepard felt like a shadow of themselves. We were her team. We all had our roles, our strengths to fill in for others weaknesses. She took a band of misfits that had no right to work together or even trust each other, and made them into a cohesive fighting unit. Shepard relied on us, as we trusted her with our lives."

"That sounds like her." Kaidan said, mollified by the assassin's estimation of Mira.

"There is strength in unity, Major." Thane looked deeply at Kaidan. "For a man such as yourself, Shepard relies on you especially not because of the soldier you are, but the implicit trust she places in you."

Kaidan sighed heavily. "But so much has happened, and things were said…"

"Water under the bridge. Words are just that, they can be said but the intent behind them is what will make or break a bond."

The marine looked at the drell in surprise. "You are quite insightful."

"I was once a man deeply in love, still am, even though my wife has passed on." Thane blinked and turned to look out the window and out to the sunny Presidium. "Besides, when your time is short, you think a lot about your life and regrets."

"Even if I wanted to be there on the Normandy, I am in no shape." Kaidan said regretfully.

Thane shrugged. "That will take time, Major. Use it to find yourself."

"Mr. Krios?" A nurse came up to him with a data pad, calling to the drell. Thane sighed and stood up, giving a stifled cough.

"Can we talk again?" Kaidan asked Thane before he left.

"I would like that." Thane nodded and was escorted off to an exam room.

Kaidan sat there looking out to the pastoral setting of the Presidium and thought on Thane's words. Even with the few short months the drell had spent with Mira on the Normandy, the man knew the essence of Mira down to a T. That was what made the woman special. She made everyone feel a part of the team, that he or she was vital to the success of the mission. So, were his doubts in due to Mira's larger than life status or his own self-doubts about being a contributing member of the team? Thinking back on Horizon and watching Mira with her squad on the security cameras, Kaidan had felt helpless. Only at the end of the battle with the Collectors, had he stepped in at the nick of time to help her. To him, it seemed that Mira had moved on and he hadn't.

He had his principles, his own moral compass, and Kaidan relied on it. Mira relied on it oftentimes when they chased after Saren. Could it be that simple to just join the Normandy again and go back to that role he had before?

No.

Nothing was simple when you were in love with a woman tasked to save the galaxy, which was your commanding officer, and could order you to your death because the mission had to take priority over your feelings. Mira knew this, knows it still. Kaidan had to come to grips that despite his personal relationship with her, there was a mission to be done that might mean her death, or even his. He was her center, her grounding in this mad, mad, world. Being a hero was hard enough, and provided insurmountable stress on a slim set of shoulders but Mira relied on those that stood by her to help support her.

He had been a fool. Kaidan wasted all those months in Vancouver being lost in his training of the first biotic squadron, afraid to spend any length of time with Mira because she might have turned into some monster. But she hadn't. Mira was doing as she had always done…her mission. She was a Spectre, an N7 trained soldier, just as he was.

We do whatever it takes to accomplish the mission.

As he thought more about the Batarian Incident at Bahak, Mira did what was needed to be done to buy time, even at the tremendous cost of innocents lives. Kaidan knew Mira paid the cost for that mission but she did what she was ordered to do, paid for the consequences of her decisions personally, as well as militarily. When he went through the special ops training, wasn't that what the objective was about? Tough decisions were made, and now more tough decisions will be continued to be made.

Kaidan rubbed at the bridge of nose, feeling a slight pressure of a stress headache starting. _I'm sorry I doubted you, Mira._ Kaidan thought to himself.

They were both commanding officers. Kaidan was Mira's equal, had been for a long time. It was taking him longer than he thought to get used to being in command, Kaidan mused. Hitching his shoulders straight, Kaidan slowly stood up from the chair and headed back to his room. It was time to start acting the part of a senior officer in the Alliance Marines, a Spectre and an N7. He needed to take his own advice that he gave out to Mira.

-= ||N7|| =-

_Three Weeks later…_

"Huh." Joker said.

"What?" Mira looked down at the pilot.

"There is no response coming from control." Joker's hands flew over the various screens, looking at passive scans of the docks of the Citadel. "Traffic is at a standstill and I am reading some unusual scans."

"Jeff, those are Cerberus ships." EDI told the pilot from the other chair in the cockpit.

"Shit!" Joker and Mira said together.

Mira threw her head back and looked up at the ceiling. "Always Cerberus, just when I am getting things together and moving along. How did they get through security?"

"My guess, someone left the door open for them." Joker quipped.

An unsettling feeling churned in Mira's stomach. Kaidan was still on the Citadel, along with many of the refugees that fled conquered worlds. The Illusive Man could care less about the refugees but there was something of import that he could take care of that would throw everyone in a panic. The Council.

"Get us in there quietly, Joker. I'm going down there and finding out what is going on."

"You got it. I'll get you down as close to C-Sec as possible."

She gave him a little squeeze on the shoulder and turned toward CIC. Mira called to James and Garrus to meet her in the shuttle bay. Once there, Mira headed for her locker and started to armor up, then reached for her guns. James and Garrus arrived shortly after she closed the last clasp on the chest plate.

"There will be a short jump, Commander, but it as close as I can get. Cerberus is already aware of our arrival, so expect a welcoming party." Joker told the squad.

"Got it." Mira slapped in a fresh thermal clip into her Paladin and nodded to her fellow squad mates.

They jumped from the lowered ramp of the shuttle bay and rolled immediately to cover as the first shots from Cerberus troopers came to them.

Mira shoved the salarian Councilor to Garrus as she turned a blazing hand toward Kai Leng, the Illusive Man's hitman. Kai Leng dodged her warp throw and dashed toward her, gave a flip over the commander's body and kicked out towards her lower back. She slammed and skidded across the hard plascrete floor, hitting one of the desks in the little receptionist area. Dazed, Mira pushed herself up to a kneeling position, shaking the stars from her vision. The man was fast and strong, Mira had to admit. Most likely cybernetically enhanced, as that was TIM's way.

"SHEPARD!" James yelled to her.

Her head turned in time to see the flashing edge of Kai Leng's sword upraised over her head. There was a shimmer off to her right as Thane appeared and shot Kai Leng. The shot didn't strike center but hit the assassin in the leg. It was enough of a distraction for Mira to scramble away.

"Shepard, take the Councilor to safety!" Thane told her. "I'll handle this!"

She got up and ran to where Garrus had the Councilor and headed back up the stairs. When they reached the balcony, Mira stopped and watched the battle between the assassin's. It looked evenly matched but Kai Leng got the upper hand and blind sighted the dying drell. The shimmering length of the katana slid through Thane's body cleanly and retracted bloody.

"THANE!" Mira shouted. Kai Leng looked up at the fury on her face, grinned and ran off. He was going after the rest of the Council. Mira gritted her teeth, looked to James and Garrus and the Councilor.

"Go, Shepard. I'll see to the drell. Catch him!" the salarian urged Mira.

"Who did this?"

"One of your own…Councilor Udina."

This shocked the squad but in a way, Mira wasn't surprised. The man was too weasly and ambitious for his own good and now all the surveillance feeds at the Shadow Broker's ship made sense.

"That sonofabitch!"

"Hurry, Shepard!" The salarian pushed Mira back the way they came.

The aim was true as the sparks came from the coupling, loosening the hold on the other elevator shaft that contained the Cerberus assassin's. Mira looked down to see the Council's elevator. Hair whipped around her face, drying the sweat on her brow. Looking to Garrus and James, she nodded. It was time to jump.

Counting under her breath as she judged speed and distance, Mira cried out to the squad to jump on the roof of the other car. They landed hard, James landing less gracefully than Mira or Garrus. Mira reached for the roof's access port, cursing at it as it was locked. Her fist pounded at it for a while, trying to break the lock on it. She could hear muffled voices in the car and a sharp command.

Who was with the Council, Mira wondered. Growling in frustration, Mira took out her pistol again and shot at the locking mechanism of the access door. James ripped the hatch off and waited for Mira to jump down first. Mira took in the recently vacated car and the open door. Raising her pistol up, Mira slowly walked out of the abandoned elevator car, Garrus and James following at her back.

"Stop!" Mira called out and her eyes opened wide to see Kaidan leading the rest of the Council, along with the traitorous Udina to a shuttle.

"What are you doing, Shepard?" Kaidan asked, his pistol raised and a hard look on his face but she didn't miss the flicker of surprise.

"Stopping a traitor." Mira told him, not backing down or lowering her pistol.

"She's the traitor!" Udina yelled out.

"Look, Cerberus is going to come busting through those doors, with one purpose in mind, killing the Council!"

"Let's all calm down and put the guns away." Kaidan said in a calm voice of authority.

Mira watched Kaidan, staring at him over her pistol. Never before had she had to face off one of her former crew, much less the man she called her friend and lover. With the grim set to his jaw, his eyes tried to plead with her to remain calm. He honestly didn't know what to expect from Mira at this point but he wasn't going to let her kill anyone without justifiable reason.

"Alright, Kaidan." Mira loosened her hands and held them away from her body, finger off the trigger of the pistol.

"Don't trust her! There is evidence that she is the traitor. Look," Udina came to Kaidan's side, his omnitool flaring up with a pop up screen. "She shot the salarian Councilor! And now she has come to finish the job of killing the rest of the Council. You know she didn't agree with the Council many times!"

The video showed someone killing a salarian, but it was fuzzy and disjointed, which made Kaidan suspicious of the convenient proof of Shepard's guilt by Udina's testimony. "When did this happen, Councilor?" Kaidan questioned.

"Why, this morning!"

"He lies." Mira said calmly. Kaidan looked back to her. "I just saw the salarian Councilor to safety after a Cerberus assassin nearly killed him. That same assassin is on his way here to finish off the rest of the Council. Major…Kaidan, you know I wouldn't do this without a reason!" _Know I wouldn't do an irrational act because I disagree with someone's politics! You were there after Udina locked down the Normandy! _Her eyes bored into Kaidan's, hoping he would trust her.

Udina slowly made his way to the shuttle control panel while Kaidan and Mira faced off. However, Mira took notice of how Udina pushed the asari that was questioning his actions and reached for the shuttle console. Everything seemed to move slowly as the asari Councilor fell to the ground and Udina brought out a pistol, pointing it directly at the asari Councilor's head. Not any kind of pistol, but a Cerberus modified Carnifax. Mira snapped her hand out with her Paladin, aimed, and fired. The shot flew over Kiadan's shoulder and straight to Udina's chest.

Time stopped for a breath before resuming with a sound of someone cutting through metal. Kaidan stepped back to protect the remaining Council as Mira turned around in sync with Garrus and James, guns aimed at the door of the remaining elevator. After a while, the door opened and Bailey walked through with a security detail.

Mira let out a gust of breath and grinned. "Bailey, you took your sweet time!"

"Yeah, well, I had run into a few snags."

"Where's Kai Leng?"

"That bastard high tailed it out of here, alone."

"The salarian Councilor?" The asari asked.

"Alive and escorting Thane to the hospital." Bailey responded.

Everyone breathed easier but Mira still worried at her lip. As the others moved out to secure the area, Kaidan approached Mira, snapping his pistol back to his hip. He had a worried look on his face, along with relief.

"Would you have shot me?" he asked her quietly.

Mira stared into his warm brown eyes and answered honestly. "Yes."

He gave a nod of understanding. "All part of getting at the objective."

"Unfortunately." Mira frowned. She couldn't read Kaidan and what he was thinking.

"Major!" Bailey called to Kaidan. "Will you escort the Council back to their chambers?"

"Yes, of course." Kaidan's eyes lingered on Mira's for a moment more before turning to his duty.

-= ||N7|| =-

Bailey saw to the last of the incoming status reports from his C-Sec security details, nodding in satisfaction that the Citadel was free of Cerberus troops and there were not many casualties from the attempted coup. Mira paced the C-Sec office at the Council offices. She had relieved James and Garrus and delivered her official recount of Udina's treason, backed with the salarian Councilor's testimony. Once again, her service in the Spectre's was appreciated as Mira saved the lives of the Council yet again.

Now, they owed her twice over and maybe they would be more receptive in getting things rolling regarding aid to the growing alliance of galactic races. The Illusive Man wasn't going to deter Mira, no matter what goons he sent in her path to derail her. Though, she will have to see if Anderson or Hackett know anything about Kai Leng. His fighting style was too similar to N7 training for her taste, even with the enhanced reflexes.

"Well, that about does it, Commander." Bailey rubbed his hands together as he gave Mira his attention.

"Good, I need to go see Thane." She nodded.

"Of course." Bailey nodded somberly.

Mira made a quick trip to Huerta and rushed through the hospital until arriving at the ICU ward. Dr. Michel shook her head softly and motioned for Mira to go on in. Kolyat looked up when she entered and gave Mira a somber nod. She silently walked to Thane's side and touched the back of his hand. Thane turned his head towards Mira and smiled. Their deep friendship needed no words to tell what was going on.

"I wish I could go where you were going, Thane." Mira spoke softly.

"It's not your time, Shepard. You are needed and there is someone who needs you." Thane squeezed her hand tightly.

"Kaidan."

"Yes." He coughed roughly then and was breathless when the fit passed. "I got to talk with him, and got to know him in the short few weeks he was here at the hospital. In a way, he still grieves for you."

"But I'm here, in the flesh." Mira cocked her head at Thane in confusion.

"Have you truly come to terms with being alive, Mira?" Thane asked the woman.

Mira paused, sudden understanding blossoming in her mind. She was so concentrated on living the here and now, going from one mission to the next that Mira never really did come to terms with the lost time while she was "dead." Sure, she had thought on it briefly but was too frightened to actually sort through the feelings that entailed in her resurrection. Kaidan had the years to grieve for her but he was still floundering to believe that Mira was truly alive.

"Will love be enough?" She whispered.

Thane smiled gently and laid his hand to her cheek. "It is, siha."

An hour later, Mira rode the elevator to the dock where the Normandy was berthed, head down in sorrow and still wiping the tears from her cheeks. She knew that Thane had a shortened life and was dying but still, to lose him so quickly and quietly, it made her realize life was precious. Here she was, fighting to preserve the life of all races in the galaxy and those closest to her were going to be gone in a blink of an eye.

The doors opened and composed once again, Mira walked out and down the corridor to the gangway. When the doors opened to the Normandy hatch, Mira stopped in surprise to see Kaidan waiting just inside, leaning against the viewport, looking out to the Normandy. He turned his gaze to her, giving a small lopsided smile.

"Hi, Shepard."


	41. Chapter 40 The Gang Is All Here

**A/N: Sorry about the lateness for this! I had this done weeks ago and submitted to the other sites I have this story but forgot here! :D Ch. 41 is WIP, it will be seeing a bit more action so that is why it is taking a bit of a long time to complete it.**

**Mass Effect: All the Things That I've Done  
**_Chapter 40 – The Gang Is All Here_

"Kaidan, this is a surprise." Mira settled back on her heels.

"Step in a little further and let the door close. I have something to say and I don't need those people out there to eavesdrop." Kaidan tilted his head to the open doorway Mira stood in.

"Alright." She took a couple of steps and the doors swished shut, leaving both Spectres in the intervening hatchway between the Citadel and the Normandy. Mira watched Kaidan as he turned his head back to look at the Normandy under Alliance colors. A flicker of a smile stretched on his mouth but she didn't get anything else as to what the man was thinking.

"I've been doing some thinking since we last spoke." Kaidan began. "I guess I wasn't really listening when I should have when you told me about Cerberus and the time you were…mostly dead." He sighed heavily and turned toward Mira. "I'm sorry, Mir, for things I have said and the way I acted. I was a fool."

"No more of a fool than I was." Mira walked to stand in front of Kaidan at the viewport.

"I had gotten this notion in my head that Cerberus changed you, made you ruthless in how you dealt with achieving your goals. Then I realized when you commented that I went through the same training, that we," He motioned between them. "do whatever it takes to accomplish our mission. That is who we are, as soldiers, as Special Forces."

"The Illusive Man used me for that talent, Kaidan. He didn't change one single thing when he brought me back. Miranda explained that he wanted me as I was, not one single thing changed, for I had to be the same woman who accomplished the impossible."

"Yeah, after thinking on what you told me, I realize that." He swallowed and looked at Mira fully in the eyes, his stoic mask gone. "We are a team, Mir, partners. We have been through hell and through it, found each other under the armor we both wear. I hated not being with you at your side and accomplishing the impossible. Despite what colors the Normandy or you wear, you are still the same woman I fell for all those years ago."

"You've grown, Kaidan." Mira said softly.

"I guess I have and you made it happen." His eyes softened. "Thing is, I don't want to be left out anymore. I want to be at your side during this fight for our existence."

"Despite any regrets?"

"Because of my regrets, Mira. Because I belong at your side. I hated having my gun pointed at you when you went after Udina. It was wrong."

"Who will be there to protect the Council?" Mira's mouth quirked a little.

Kaidan gave a sardonic laugh, "That is what C-Sec is for. My job…no, my duty, is out there protecting the galaxy from outside threats, like the Reapers."

"Well, then, it seems your mind is made up."

"Yeah, that is, if you will have me back aboard the Normandy?"

Mira pondered this for a split second and grinned widely. "Welcome aboard, Major. It is good to have you back, Kaidan."

Kaidan smiled in relief, visibly relaxing. "It feels good to be back."

Then Mira sobered. "It isn't going to be easy, Kaidan."

"Nothing ever is when you are involved."

"And us?" Mira asked timidly.

"Let's work on that. We both have a lot to talk about and work through." Kaidan lightly brushed his fingers across Mira's cheek, tucking her hair behind an ear.

"That we do. Now, let us get you settled in. We are a little short of bunks but I think we can put you up somewhere."

"What? I can't camp on the floor of the captain's loft?" Kaidan winked at Mira.

Mira chuckled. "In time, Major, you will do more than camp on the floor."

Kaidan nodded as if he could live with that promise. They walked toward the Normandy together.

-= ||N7|| =-

Mira left him alone on the Starboard Observation Lounge while she attended to some things to supply the Normandy to head out again. Kaidan stood at the open viewport and watched the various ships fly past. Everything from shuttles, transports, supply tugs, was cycling through the various docks on the Citadel. He actually felt good to be on the Normandy again. His place was at Mira's side, finishing this mission that they stumbled upon all those years ago. She did mention Thane's passing over two hours ago and was saddened. The short couple of weeks he had remained at Huerta was spent talking with the assassin, as they waited for their various tests, treatments, and therapy.

In retrospect, Kaidan got a better understanding of Mira from the drell. Not so much Mira the soldier, the commanding officer, but the woman who pushed herself to make sure the crew came out of their various assignments alive. Then, Thane helped him straighten out his doubts and fears. There wasn't a shortage of love for Mira or that they as a couple were doomed to fail. No, Thane helped Kaidan get back his down-to-earth observations and simple aspect of being human. Was love enough? When Thane asked him before Kaidan left the hospital, Kaidan answered "Yes."

Something else changed, however, and that for Kaidan was an obstacle but he kept telling himself to remain open. There was no such thing as black and white, especially as a soldier. The universe was shades of grey, and as a Special Forces officer, they worked in the grey. Mira didn't like working with Cerberus but at a time when she was being touted as a traitor or a fake, she took the resources the Illusive Man provided in order to further her mission against the Collectors, and to an extent, the Reapers. Hackett and Anderson understood this and didn't hold it against Mira. Kaidan only saw at the time, Mira working for the enemy and resented the fact that Mira would do so. She had understood the reality of that time far more than he did.

The doors opened into the lounge as someone entered. Kaidan turned his head and noticed Dr. Karin Chakwas enter. She gave him a brief nod of greeting and walked up to him.

"Major, it is good to see you where you belong." Her cultured accented voice told him.

"It feels good to be here. This is where I should be."

"Indeed, it is. You have been missed." Chakwas paused a moment as she looked over Kaidan. "You are looking well, Kaidan. How are the migraines these days?"

"Not as bad as they once were. I think those years of suppressing the implants, combined with stress, brought on the worst migraines. Since then," Kaidan sighed and gave the doctor a brief smile. "I've not held back and have been freer for it."

"This is good. You are the highest rated stable L2 in the Alliance. I would even say you rank up there with Shepard."

Kaidan laughed. "She is in a class of her own, doctor, especially now with those L5s."

"Ah, yes, I argued with the decision to give her those." Chakwas frowned.

"What do you mean?" Kaidan cocked his head.

"You wondered where I disappeared to before you saw me on the Normandy? Miranda Lawson approached me and offered a proposal I couldn't refuse. You see, not only was I to be the doctor for Joker when the new Normandy was being built, but I was the consultant on Shepard's rebuilding."

"Ah, because you knew Mira's medical record and biotic abilities, you were tagged." Kaidan nodded. It made sense and in a way, he was relieved to know that a trustworthy doctor was there by Mira's side.

"She is quite a bit more powerful with those L5s but…I worry about her. It takes a lot more control for her. These past few months haven't been easy on her."

"Yeah, I noticed that she is just holding it together but the energy still leaks out."

"Exactly. Kaidan, you need to help Shepard fine-tune that control. There will be many hard battles in this war but I…we, don't need our commander to burn out before the end."

"Why ask me, doctor?" Kaidan asked.

"You are on par with Shepard regarding biotics, next to Liara. Also," Chakwas smiled knowingly, "you need to get to know Shepard again. Consider it a doctor's order for both of you to take this 'therapy'."

Kaidan's mouth twitched and then lifted in a smile, shaking his head slowly at the sly intervention of the doctor. Chakwas answered his smile with a nod and turned to leave him alone again in the lounge.

The door opened again as Kaidan was lightly dozing in the reading chair. The buzz and perfume informed him who his visitor was before they announced themselves. The whisper of Mira quietly walking over and kneeling at his side made Kaidan feel heady. The waft of lavender filled his nose, bringing back so many memories of their times together but one in particular.

_The sun was heading westward toward the horizon on the pleasant afternoon. It was cool enough to warrant wearing sweaters, even for two hot-blooded biotics. Kaidan relaxed in his chair on the porch, looking out over the view of the lake and taking in the sound of various bird calls echoing through the trees. His feet were propped up on the porch rail before him, hands folded over his midsection. The Alliance seemed distant right now, and all that mattered in the world was the woman inside that was cleaning the kitchen. He could hear Mira singing softly, happy as can be, just as he was._

_Ten years they bumped into each other during various missions and then finally served together the past year on the Normandy. It was a hell of a ride but at the end, everything he did, even breaking regs, was worth it. Kaidan finally got the woman of his dreams and his father approved. Closing his eyes, Kaidan played back the night before Ilos, reminisced that taste of Mira's lips as they kissed with unbridled passion. The mix of ozone and lavender always made Kaidan dizzy whenever he was around her._

_Even now, he could smell Mira as she approached him on the porch. He smiled when Mira squatted down next to him, her hand lying on top of his. "Well, hello there." He rumbled, opening his eyes slightly, watching the light breeze flutter at the loose strands of Mira's hair._

"_Somehow, I had always pictured you like this." Mira said to Kaidan. "With a couple of days growth, that perfect coif all roughened up and hanging around your face. This is the true Kaidan Alenko."_

"_I don't have to dress up for anyone here." Kaidan responded. "If I didn't have such wanderlust to roam the stars, I would be content to stay at the cabin for the rest of my life."_

"_Then you wouldn't have met me and had all those fun times." Mira chuckled._

_Kaidan turned his hand over, wrapped his fingers around Mira's, and gave it a tug. He pulled her onto his lap, all without putting his legs down from the rail. Mira wrapped her arms around his neck and settled into Kaidan's body. The bulk of Kaidan's sweater on Mira added to the warmth between them. He couldn't tell Mira just what wearing that sweater did for him. To know that a part of him was on her, gave him a primal sense of possession. However, Kaidan found it incredibly adorable and sexy, which Mira would protest, vociferously the adorable part of Kaidan's assessment._

"_There is nothing to say that after all this is over, that I won't retire here, Mir. Of course, there would be someone with me, if she ever decided to hang up the commander role."_

"_And deny Anderson and Hackett their star soldier?"_

"_They have had you since the start of your career." Kaidan looked into those blue eyes he fell for when he first saw her at the academy. "I would like to have my turn." He pressed his lips against Mira's forehead before setting his cheek there._

"_Someday, Kiadan, we will both have our turn." Mira said softly. "Until then, these stolen moments will have to do."_

He opened his eyes and looked over at Mira, giving her a tender smile. Kaidan sighed and stretched his body against the lounge chair before settling back down to see Mira watching him with interest. That look made him flush and body pulse with desire.

"Hey, sleepyhead." Mira said in a low voice.

"How long have I been dozing?"

"Four hours. We are already heading out to our next assignment. We will be going to the aid of an old friend."

"Who?"

"Tali. The Quarians sent a call to the Citadel to request assistance in a matter. It is going to be a few hours before we reach the Veil, so are you hungry?"

"Famished." Kaidan smiled. "I haven't eaten since before Cerberus decided to make a house call on the Citadel."

"I figured you would say that. A couple of the restaurants had managed to get back to business and I ordered dinner for the crew."

"The crew, huh? I thought…"

Mira laughed and grabbed Kaidan's hand. "They are having hamburgers. I have something special for us."

"That is?" Kaidan asked, intrigued by Mira's dinner idea.

"Bailey turned me onto this pizzeria down in the wards."

"Oh, man, you know how long it has been since I had a decent slice of pizza?" Kaidan grinned.

"Yes. I seem to remember that you liked the works, with jalapenos?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Then get out of that chair, lazy, and join me up in the Loft." Mira stood up and waited for Kaidan to get out of the lounge chair.

Swinging his legs over, Kaidan stood up, stretched, and sighed happily, as the pops in his back sounded. With a nod, he waited for Mira to lead the way. As they walked to the elevator, the loud voices and laughter from the mess area filtered over to the pair. Mira smiled fondly as she stepped into the elevator and pressed the deck one button.

"So, tell me why we are having pizza and not joining the rest of the crew?" Kaidan asked curiously.

"I thought you would appreciate some quiet time and maybe we could have time to just…be ourselves, catch up on things or whatever."

A flicker of a pleased smile crossed his face. This was a good step and he approved. He didn't want to rush into things as happened when Mira returned from the Omega 4 relay. Mira was making the first step into getting their relationship back on track. A simple night in, having dinner, a drink or two, and just talking like two adults instead of officers in the Alliance, would do wonders for both of them.

He laughed hard as Mira finished the story of beating the thresher maw on Tuchanka and Wrex telling her about mating offers from those of his clan. To think a krogan and human female mating was ludicrous. Still, it was good to laugh about the adventures of the Normandy crew. It didn't matter who was there, the Normandy was a ship that had interesting adventures.

"Garrus still drops his jaws when he thinks about my standing toe-to-toe with that maw. He would never admit that doing that was beyond crazy and more borderline suicidal." Mira giggled as she took a drink of her wine.

"Of course not! I mean, Turians don't duck or run." Kaidan wiped the tears from his eyes. He lay back on the couch, full of pizza and laid an arm behind Mira. Between them, they had devoured one and a half large pizzas. This night felt good, Kaidan admitted. "It's nice to know that some things don't change." He looked at Mira with a slight smirk.

"You know me, I don't run from a challenge."

"Never!" Kaidan sighed in contentment.

Silence dropped between them as they just sat there on the L-shaped couch digesting the evening. This time, unlike before, neither of them is drunk or riding high on emotions of needing to know the other is real and alive. Though, this was also different, as Mira wouldn't have invited Kaidan to her quarters on the original Normandy for just a simple dinner with a friend. Kaidan took notice of Mira and saw that she had relaxed a lot over the past year among the crew. Maybe the time under Cerberus' flag wasn't entirely bad.

"This was needed, Kai." Mira said at last.

"It was." Kaidan agreed. "Let's continue doing this, given there is time during this whole war business."

"I'll make the time if you do." Mira looked over to Kaidan, smiling.

"I will. So, now that I am aboard, what do you want me to do?"

"Besides grace my couch?" Her smiled turned lascivious.

Kaidan laughed low in his throat and reached over to give a quick kiss on Mira's nose. "Besides that."

"Having another Spectre will do wonders in digging for intelligence. Plus, you are the diplomatic one."

"You have diplomacy, too, Mir. Don't sell yourself short."

"I know how to inspire soldiers, Kai, that's different."

"Okay, so, what else?"

"I need an XO for this crew. Miranda was good at her job but she is…unattainable. You know the Normandy and half the crew already. When you saved Anderson's and my ass back in Vancouver, you took command of the ship easily, getting the job done with little fuss from those onboard. Not to mention, you got James' respect and had him snap into line with no argument."

"He's a Marine, Mir. Marine's follow orders when they are barked."

"Now, don't you sell yourself short." Mira smiled, giving Kaidan his own words back to him.

"He'll follow me to hell but it is good to know he will listen to another's order when given. During this chaos and with most of the crew being techs, we need to maintain a chain of command. I have my hands full spearheading the effort for gathering allies and coordinating with Hackett and Anderson. I need someone I trust implicitly to keep the crew together and in line."

Kaidan thought it over and knew it was true. Order and structure on an Alliance ship needed to be maintained. With his squadron, Kaidan got his taste of leading a group of people and garnered their respect. He searched Mira's eyes and saw the trust she had in him and it made him feel proud to be with her. She was a true soldier, a patriot. Anyone who said otherwise would get their teeth knocked in by him.

"Alright, I accept. I take it there are going to be plenty of meetings between us?"

Mira chuckled, "Yes, business meetings, hun, with lots of coffee and data pads."

"Business first, yup." His mouth quirked wickedly though. They naturally fell into the easy camaraderie and flirting. To Kaidan, it was right. "Thank you, Mir, for trusting me with this."

"I wouldn't have anyone else, Kaidan."

"_Commander, we are approaching the Veil. We got the codes from the flotilla to approach."_ Joker broke in.

"Thank you, Joker." Mira smiled and then laughed along with Kaidan.

"Some things never change." Kaidan said and laughed again.


	42. Chapter 41 A Little Help From Friends

**Mass Effect: All the Things That I've Done  
**_Chapter 41 – A Little Help From Friends_

Mira had to steady herself as the magnetic field on her boots attached itself to the wrecked coupling of the geth ship. The floating debris and wide holes to open space made her shiver at the memory of her being spaced. She was doing everything she could to keep her breath even and controlled and not panic.

_You can do this, Shepard. One foot in front of the other. You won't float away this time._ Mira silently berated herself.

The crackle of the comm in her ear broke her attention from the open space as a warm raspy voice filled her ear. Kaidan spoke to her on a private channel.

"_I'm right here, Mir. Just think of the goal and you will make it to the hatch."_

"I'm trying but…it's so…big out here."

"_Hey, I will be there when you get the hatch opened. You aren't going anywhere and neither am I." _Kaidan soothed Mira, hearing the faint edge of panic in her voice. _"Now, get moving, soldier!"_

Mira laughed. "Yes, sir!"

Flexing her fingers and breathing in measured breaths, Mira started the slow walk in zero-g. It was disorienting to walk along the tube as she navigated on the still intact decking. Through one rotation and a gap in the wall, the large expanse of Rannoch could be viewed. Mira had to pause and look out at the dusky red-purple and blue planet. It was beautiful, even amongst the spears of weapon fire from the quarian ships against the geth. She mentioned this to Tali and continued on to her goal at the end of the coupling tube and toward safety.

Once she reached the hatch, Mira brought out her omnitool and proceeded to hack through the door's lock. Only until she got inside the docking hatch, did Mira give a visible shuddering breath as safe walls surrounded her again. Tali guided her to a control panel in order to open the non-damaged port hatch for Kaidan and her to enter. When Mira climbed over the wreckage and up a ladder, she noticed the panel and stepped up to it, keying in the sequence that Tali relayed. The protesting sound of metal groaned open and let Mira's squad in. After they were in, Mira closed the door and searched through the geth panel for a map of the ship.

"Let me do this, Shepard. I can get the information we need a lot faster." Tali squeezed Mira out of the way and immediately went to work. "It will take a few moments to crack the security." She told Mira distractedly.

Mira walked over to the other end of the raised platform and released the seals on her helmet. Though the air was thin, Mira needed to breathe something other than the oxygen in a helmet for a bit. Also, admitting to herself, she needed open air as the helmet was starting to get claustrophobic. Kaidan joined her, cracking his own seals and slipping his helmet off, looking toward Mira in concern.

"I'm fine." She gave him a small shaky smile.

"Positive?" Kaidan asked concern tinged in his face.

"Yeah, just need to know that I am on solid ground again and won't be floating away into the stars."

He gave Mira a little nod. "So, what do you think we are expecting?"

"Geth, geth, and more geth. So, geth what?" Mira joked.

Kaidan rolled his eyes but laughed anyway. "Even more geth. You have been hanging around Joker too long."

"Maybe." Mira cocked a grin at Kaidan.

"Shepard, we are in." Tali announced from the panel.

With a nod, Mira and Kaidan replaced their helmets and took out their pistols, following their quarian friend into the geth dreadnought.

-== || N7 || ==-

Geth, Kaidan cursed under his breath as another stealthy geth nearly got into their defenses in the long collider chamber of the main gun battery. They had to move quickly before the battery fired up again. Tali, Mira, and he sprinted down the catwalk to the exit, ducking through the hatch just as the warming whine powered up. Not ten seconds after Kaidan slammed back against the battery room's wall, the static buildup vibrated through his nodes as a particle beam shot through the battery.

Kaidan rolled his eyes up and thanked whatever higher being there was for their incredible luck so far. Looking over to Mira, he saw her grinning. Shaking his head, knowing on some level, the mad dash actually got her blood worked up, Kaidan returned the grin. "Whose brilliant idea was it to go climbing through the barrel of a big gun?"

"Don't look at me!" Tali said, an audible grin was heard through her speaker port.

"What? It was the only way to our destination." Mira shrugged.

"Did I mention it was a BIG gun?" Kaidan teased.

"Weren't you the one that told Ashley something about big guns and attitudes?" She winked at Kaidan, which got a free, honest laugh from him. It felt good to laugh again, truly laugh among friends and in a squad. Kaidan never thought slipping back into the old squad camaraderie and banter would come so easy.

"Alright, enough loitering, Major." Mira straightened and pushed off the wall.

"The central core is not far now." Tali said.

They walked through the battery room and to a stairwell. Mira led the way down three flights to where a platform was stopped on one of the floors. Their destination was the platform. Kaidan took a quick look over the edge and immediately stepped back. The platform was at its highest destination, right where the stairs leading up started. Everything below was only accessible by the platform. Tali crossed onto the platform, with Kaidan following and Mira shortly after. Once they were all on, the platform moved down into the dim depths of the ship's core. However, a sudden crunch was heard and a beam fell from above as the dreadnought took a hit close to their location. The beam knocked the platform askew, then it groaned and creaked ominously. Tali called out and jumped across the remaining span to their destination. Kaidan followed and turned around, watching the platform they were on dangerously tilt, making Mira's footing slip.

"Mira!" Kaidan called out.

She scrabbled, managed somehow to gain a somewhat steady balance, then leapt just as the rest of the platform tumbled down into the dark depths of the ship. Without thinking, Kaidan lunged down, grasping Mira's arm to keep her from falling down into the depths. His heart beat fast as he looked down into Mira's face. Pulling back, Kaidan started to pull Mira up with Tali's help. With the final pull, Kaidan fell back, his arms grabbing around Mira as she fell on him. Their faces were inches apart, his brown eyes staring into the clear blue-grey.

"Watch your step, Shepard." Kaidan rasped out shakily.

"Nice catch, Alenko." Her mouth tugged upwards in a smile.

"Well, you know, I'm always around to pull your ass out of danger. What would you do without me?"

"All right you two, enough of the flirting and let's get moving!" Tali interrupted with playful exasperation.

"Aye, ma'am." Kaidan smiled crookedly and steadied Mira as they both stood up from the floor.

They didn't see any active geth when they arrived at the computer core where the Reaper signal was being broadcasted from. Kaidan was acutely aware of the inanimate Primes standing in the docks with no flicker of activity in them. More so, he watched Mira closely. He could tell the space walk shook her but as always, she put on a brave face and marched onward. He had an occasion to talk with Liara, despite his unsettled feelings about the Asari. He asked her pointedly about how she had retrieved Mira's body. Liara wouldn't tell him anything other than she hired someone to look into the details of the transaction for her body and that she intercepted it. When he asked about how Cerberus got Mira, Liara shut down on Kaidan, saying if he wanted to know those answers, he best talk to Mira.

"Over here!" Tali called out and rushed to a console overlooking a pylon that was pulsing with electricity upwards through the ship. The central core was released, lowering to within reaching distance. Mira's eyes opened widely, as did Kaidan, as they saw Legion ensnared in the dreadnaught's computer core.

-== || N7 || ==-

Mira ducked as a rocket flew towards her only to explode close behind. Once they released Legion, the Primes that were sitting in the docks, activated and marched toward their little group. Kaidan was providing cover fire opposite to her, while Tali worked at sabotaging the geth's systems. Legion was down below, working at providing an exit in the suddenly active and hostile environment. He told them it was going to take time for the rewritten code to filter to all the geth. The Reaper signal was invasive and at some points, kept eluding Legion's code. At the moment, the fighting needed to pause in order for the squad to make it back to the Normandy.

"Shepard!" Kaidan called out, his arm pulsing with dark energy as he pushed her away from an incoming rocket.

It was as gently done as possible, given the tense fighting. However, it still made Mira grunt as her body rolled and collided against a wall. Shaking her head, Mira growled, muttering about rocket spewing geth. Her body flared brightly as she gathered dark energy and concentrated on forming a singularity inside the trooper. There was an audible squawk from the geth as the gravitational forces of the mini-black hole crushed it from within. The singularity pulled in the last two fighting geth, making them orbit around the center. Kaidan took advantage of this and released a warp field. The combined biotic forces made the geth explode in pieces. Mira breathed heavily from the exertion, smiling at Kaidan before they dashed off the upper levels of the core and headed after Legion when he opened the door to the flight bay.

The squad ran and tried to keep their footing as the ship rocked harder by hits from the quarian fleet. "Tali! Tell the admirals to cease firing! We are still on this ship!" Mira yelled.

"I'm trying but they won't listen to me!"

Legion jumped into a geth fighter, followed by Tali and then Kaidan. Just when she was about jump in, the hull erupted, knocking Mira off the ramp and into the weightlessness of space. Swallowing, Mira tried to keep the panic at bay as she floated away from her squad. Legion swung the fighter over to her while Kaidan stood up and reached out. Clasping his arm, Mira held on tightly as she was pulled into the shelter of the open fighter. She settled before Kaidan behind Legion, feeling his arms tighten protectively around her armored body. The fierce firefight going on around them took their breath away, while they zipped in and out of stray shots and toward the Normandy. Mira broadcasted her ID to the ship so they were not mistakenly shot at. Legion maneuvered the geth fighter into the open shuttle bay and powered down. The geth and quarian climbed out but Mira remained for a moment, trying hard to steady herself. Kaidan remained, letting go long enough to take off his and Mira's helmet.

"Commander?" Cortez approached them but Kaidan waved him away.

"Give us a moment, Lieutenant."

Mira tried to get up, feeling like she could stand and walk out of the shuttle bay, however, Kaidan kept her pinned in the tight confines of the fighter. She turned her head to look at him with a question, in which he returned with a serious and concerned look. "What is it, Major?" she asked.

"Stop with the Major shit, Mir." Kaidan said in a low tense voice. "How are you doing? Really?"

Mira opened her mouth to say she was fine but knew that Kaidan wouldn't accept that answer, not from her. He knew better and would be persistent, and stubborn enough, to keep her in the fighter until she truly talked to him. How was she doing? She was scared. Even though being protected by sealed armor, the vast openness of space shook her. Zero G training never bothered her, and Mira used to love the feeling of free weightlessness. Ever since the first Normandy blew up around her, pushing her out into space, that changed. When she was blown off the ramp on the geth ship and out into that open space, Mira panicked. Unlike last time, her suit held its integrity, and there were others close by to bring her back. Still, the feeling of being spaced remained with her.

She sighed heavily and slumped back against Kaidan. "I'm barely holding it together, truth be told. I can't sleep, I live on coffee, and I'm frightened to death of that vast black emptiness out there." Mira waved generally to the space outside the Normandy.

"Why can't you sleep?"

"I keep having these dreams. That little boy…" Her throat choked on the vivid memory of the little boy she had watched continuously play on the little lawn while she was incarcerated. "Did you know I used to watch him play at his mock fighter battles? He had a model of an Alliance fighter in which he pretended that he was running patrols. But…that image is fading, replaced by the Reaper beam cutting his shuttle into two when we escaped Earth."

"Go on." Kaidan encouraged Mira, wrapping his arms across her chest in comfort.

"When I was spaced…my suit lost integrity…all I could see was the Normandy burning and stars. After the fires went out, there was nothing but stars and blackness. Oh, god, Kaidan," Mira trembled as she relived her death. "all I could think of was you, how I never got to say 'Thank you', how I wished I never sent you off to the escape pods. I had thought I was prepared for death and accepted it, being the soldier I am. However, there was too much to live for." Her voice quieted to a whisper. "Then I remember vaguely, waking up one time at Lazarus station…so much pain…I screamed because of the pain."

"You know, I think on some subconscious level, I woke up one night, thinking I had heard your scream, you crying out my name." Kaidan admitted, not having told anyone of that old nightmare around the anniversary of Mira's death.

Tears leaked out of Mira's eyes as she started remembering those fuzzy recollections of being sedated in the medigel tank at Lazarus station. The one thought that kept her will going was of Kaidan, how sorry she was that she wasn't there for him. All that time Mira was with Cerberus she was angry, simmering in that anger because she felt trapped in working with the enemy. In the end, she got her way and escaped, but the anger remained, and so did the new fears. The one person she wanted to talk to, who could silently offer her support with no judgment was not within reach. "If I sleep, I have those dreams. Then I think about all that has been lost…it's frightening and overwhelming, Kaidan. I don't know…I don't know if I have the strength to see this through."

"It's human to have doubts, Mir. I knew that with you suppressing all those negative emotions that it was going to come back and bite you in the ass. It's time to learn to deal with the consequences, deal with what is happening, here and now. Ever since Garrett," Kaidan sighed and rested his cheek against hers, "you have walled off that part that needs to grieve. You can only do what is within your abilities. Give it your best but Mira, you can't save everyone."

"So, I have to start being human again?" Her lips quirked as she remembered what Kaidan once told her about feeling human again.

Kaidan chuckled in her ear, brushing a light kiss at her temple. "You are a remarkable woman, Mir. Remember, you have me, you have Joker, Liara, Tali, and everyone you have ever worked with, supporting you. You aren't alone. If you are angry, get angry. If you are scared, get scared; use that to your advantage. We are all in the same boat. Just don't control your emotions so much that you start to break. The mask needs to come off, Mir."

Mira turned her body as much as she could to face Kaidan. "Do I really wear it all the time?"

"Yes." Kaidan answered honestly. "Except at one time, it was removed when…" He swallowed hard and gave her a shaky smile.

"I guess I have some things to learn from you."

"I think the only other person that has seen you without that damn mask is James." Kaidan said roughly.

"He was my shadow for six months."

"I'll admit I was a little jealous of him."

"Really?" Mira's mouth flicked a smile.

"Yeah but I got to talk with him a few times. He's very loyal to you, Mira, and yes, in a way, loves you. You have that way with people. I guess, well, I have yet to come to terms that others love you and I have to share. I'll let you in on one of my fears, since we are talking about this." Kaidan caught her gaze and held it. "I'm not afraid that Cerberus changed you but that I would lose you again, either to another man or to this war."

Mira blinked at that honest admission by Kaidan. It was a rare thing for Kaidan to be so open, as he was very diplomatic in what he thought someone should or shouldn't know, even with her. He didn't want anyone to needlessly worry about him, as he was self-sufficient and had no ghosts of the past to trouble him. As Mira thought on it, Kaidan always faced tragedy and did his time of grieving. Once he was done with it, Kaidan moved on. Mira always pushed forward, never working through the grieving process, or the anger and fear. She was always on the go, off to the next assignment, with little time in between to take a breather. The longest breather she had was her incarceration in Vancouver.

"So, what do I do?" Mira asked.

"WE work together in dealing with these personal issues and regaining your fine control of those nodes."

Mira laughed then as she noted Kaidan's half grimace from feeling her leaking dark energy that was barely held in check. "Alright, Major. When do WE start?"

"In an hour, after a shower. You stink, as do I."

"Yours or mine?" Mira teased.

Kaidan's mouth twitched up in his crooked grin. "Separately, Commander."

She nodded, holding Kaidan's gaze for a moment longer and then moved to get out of the fighter. In many ways, the brief talk made her feel lighter, as if some of the weight she carried had been lifted off her shoulders. Cortez shook his head and grinned as he noticed both commanding officers finally leave the geth fighter. James, stood by at his workbench, giving them a smirk.

"Do you need something to do, Vega?" Mira asked.

"No, ma'am. Just waiting for your weapons, so they can be checked over. Tali and Legion are in briefing with Admiral Rahn, so it will be a few hours until something comes up."

Mira grinned and unlatched her Paladin, with Kaidan doing the same with his heavy pistol and assault rifle. They walked over to their armor lockers and proceeded to take the armor off. As the pieces came off, Mira wrinkled her nose at the smell. Kaidan grinned at her and made the same look himself as the smell wafted up from him. They walked to the lift and headed to their respective showers.

-== || N7 || ==-

"You're kidding?" Mira looked at Kaidan in disbelief.

He shook his head, "Nope."

They stood on a mat in a converted cargo hold to hold a gym. Free weights, presses, and a treadmill arrayed behind them and in the center of it all, was a sparring mat. After their showers, hair still damp and changed into gym clothes, Kaidan and Mira met in the gym. Kaidan had to hide a smirk as he took in Mira's sculpted body as she sported a sports bra top and short shorts with the N7 branded on them. He chose a tank and long exercise pants for this first session of Mira's retraining in biotic control. As he wrapped the tape around his hands, his eyes looked up to Mira. Her mouth was open to protest but Kaidan raised an eyebrow and then tossed a roll of tape wrap to her. This time, there wasn't a punching bag to maul to death, just a friendly sparring match between them. She may have won James over in a match but James didn't know Mira's tricks.

"Hurry up, soldier. Time's wasting." Kaidan told her.

Mira unrolled the wrap and started winding it around her hands. She was curious as to why this first session was going to be a physical sparring match, not anything to do with biotics. Even the first day at the academy, they got to doing little exercises to build up the control of the flow through the nodes in their bodies. "Okay, so how is this going to help regain my control?"

"The first thing we did at Brain Camp was learn to spar. Vyrnnus was a bastard but the Turian made sure we had control of our physical bodies first before we introduced biotics. That is something lacking in the academy's program. If you can't control all the little twitches your body makes with its fight or flight response, then how can you control the dark energy?"

"Did you do this with your students?" Mira asked.

Kaidan paused and looked at Mira seriously. "Yes."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" Mira started.

"Hey, it's okay." Kaidan soothed. "I know they still live and joined Anderson with the resistance." He smiled. "I know they will do fine."

"With you training them, they should."

"Heh, don't butter up the teacher, Shepard. Show me your moves." Kaidan said in response as he settled into a stance and raised his arms up.

They paced around each other slowly, sizing up the other. Kaidan outweighed Mira and had longer reach but with a decorated career Special Forces officer, size doesn't mean anything. So, Kaidan expected anything and everything from Mira. He kept his eyes open for any telltale leakage of dark energy in her moves. Mira made the first jab toward Kaidan's ribs, to which he blocked. He kept deflecting her further jabs and attempted blows to his ribs and knees. Martial arts was all about control of body and breath, which was essential with biotics. Mira made another aggressive move toward Kaidan, which he locked her arm and swept her down to the mat. Kaidan held out a hand to Mira to help her up.

"Nice move, Kaidan." Mira nodded.

"Thanks, now come on, I know you are holding back."

"Alright." Mira moved back, bouncing on her feet before settling into her stance.

Kaidan made the first offensive move; Mira dodged the move and caught Kaidan's sidekick. They danced back and joined for a flurry of strikes, blocks, and attempted sweeps. Kaidan smiled, seeing the old fighting spirit of Mira shine. Then the hairs on the back of his neck began to rise in the middle of another parry and block maneuver. The longer they sparred, the tingling continued and Mira started to shimmer a dark blue. Kaidan stepped in, locked her arms, and used his weight to bring her down to the mat. She grunted as the air was knocked from her briefly. A little flare of anger rose in her outlining her body brightly. Kaidan continued to keep Mira pinned to the mat.

"Calm down, Shepard." He said evenly.

Mira's chest heaved quickly as she struggled for control. Gritting her teeth and closing her eyes, Mira attempted to steady her breathing. She cried out in frustration as the control of her nodes came slowly. "Damn these L5s!" She cursed.

When Kaidan judged Mira was calm enough to be let up, he loosed his hold and settled himself with an arm on either side of her. He looked down at her with concern. "I thought Samara's meditations were helping?"

"They were and then, when I had all this free time on my hands as a guest of the Alliance Navy Hotel, it wasn't really effective anymore."

"Okay. Asari use their meditations to calm the inner turmoil and focus their energy. Especially since you say that Samara was an Ardat Yakshi, control of her chaotic nature was necessary. Somehow, while it may have helped you temporarily, something else is making this happen. I remember you used to work hard at forming singularities but back on the ship, it came easily with only a little waver of exhaustion."

"That is true. It doesn't take much to form them these days." Mira looked up past Kaidan to the ceiling.

"When was your last rating test?"

She slid her eyes over to Kaidan's with a question. "Chakwas does constant checks on the amp and nodes."

"That's all fine, it checks to see that nothing is fried or blocked. I'm talking actual dark energy strength test, my dear. I get one every year during my physical's. Not only is it a way for the Alliance to make sure I'm not going crazy but to keep monitoring the amount of dark energy I am handling before I'm crippled by a migraine. Remember when I told you I rated higher than most L3s?"

"Yes. It was because they set the L2s with a high threshold in order to have a human biotic on par with an asari."

"And I held myself back for all those years because of what I did at Brain Camp. But since I didn't limit myself anymore after Eden Prime, my power grew. What I remember from my research into Cerberus' activities, and on the experimental L5s, the L5s are supposed to be an attempt at a stable version of the L2s. However, initial tests were still showing the same energy spikes that many old L2 implants had. Mira, the power grows in the time you use it. You were at the top of the range when an L3, as I am with the L2. Get up." Kaidan moved himself, standing up from the mat.

Mira followed him and stood there, waiting. Kaidan searched the hold and spotted his target, a container sitting the corner with two others. Shipping containers had to be durable in order to survive zero g of space if a ship happened to be destroyed. They also could survive planetary reentry. Most biotics could only dent the containers and lift them so much above the ground. He tested his students vigorously with old containers, judging strengths and weaknesses of each. From this test, he would narrow down individual focus to particular areas and pair his students off to work together as a team. Nick was the highest rated L4 in his class and quickly became squadron leader and assistant instructor. Kaidan got a nagging feeling that Mira surpassed all human registered biotics and could crush those shipping containers.

"See those shipping containers?" Kaidan pointed to the corner.

"Yes."

"Crush them." He stated simply.

"What?" Mira stared at him as if he had finally gone crazy. "No biotic can crush a titanium container!"

"Humor me, Mira."

Sighing, Mira turned toward the containers on the other side of the hold, focusing her thoughts on the target and opening her nodes up fully. Her body immediately flared brightly, making Kaidan blink. Reaching out a hand, Mira twisted the hand and closed her fingers into a fist, sending dark energy across the distance into those containers. The energy not only hit them, but made the containers crumple like paper in on itself. Mira's hands shook from the expended energy but still buzzed with ready energy. Kaidan could feel the frequency of her implant in his teeth. Mira stepped back, shock showing on her face.

"I…that…what the hell?"

"Cerberus underestimated the abilities of an adept that was already highly rated." Kaidan's mouth quirked to the side. "You have been going from mission to mission, constantly using your biotics. Nodes learn and adapt, as does the body and mind. With frequency of use, finesse and power is inevitable." Kaidan told Mira seriously.

"I'll buy that." Mira kept looking over at the crumpled container.

"This is what we will work on. One, you need to stop repressing your emotions. That isn't helping you at all to regain control. I detected an edge of anger when we sparred, hence the flare up."

"That is going to be hard to do, Kaidan."

"I know, trust me. It has to be done, however. This war is going to take a lot of you and everyone but as you are spearheading this initiative, none of us can afford having you break down. It's time to start coping with all that is going on."

"And two?"

Kaidan smiled softly. "It's back to school for you. I'm going to be bringing Liara in on this to help you. I rate high and can help get you to focus your energy, but you are even beyond Nick's abilities and it's new territory for me."

"And it's not for me?" Mira shifted her weight to her right hip.

"I didn't say it was. It will be a learning experience and a trial in patience."

"You have the patience of a saint, Kaidan." Mira smiled.

Kaidan laughed and shook his head. "Even I have my limits."


	43. Chapter 42 Of All the Stupid Things

ME: All the Things That I've Done

Chapter 42 – Of all the stupid things…

After coming back from recovering Legion, things progressed quickly as the situation between quarian and geth deteriorated even faster. Tali tried to make the Flotilla's admirals simply listen to Legion but the only reasonable head of the group was Admiral Rahn, her aunt. Since the Reaper code was still entrenched and keeping Legion's code from rewriting all of the geth, he said there was a server that they needed to get to and take care of the problem at the source. So, Mira gathered a squad for that and headed there. The experience was unforgettable as she was placed in a virtual world of the geth consensus. There wasn't much time for re-training, as Kaidan put it, in between these little side-missions. Kaidan made a point of requesting to go on the missions with her, just to keep an eye on her and if something happened along the lines of what happened after their friend's death, he would be there to restrain her.

With the geth consensus cleaned of the Reaper Code, the fighting geth stopped attacking the Flotilla. The work, however, wasn't done, as the source of the Reaper signal had yet to be found and Rannoch freed. Legion narrowed down where the source was located and the geth that was most resistant to the rewrite. Tali insisted on joining Mira and Kaidan as they made their way to a cleared landing zone. It was nearly an endless battle as the squad made it to the base and inside. Resistance was heavy between fighting normal geth fighters and rocket troopers. Kaidan frowned heavily when they made it inside the main base and met up with three primes. Mira spared him a grim look and they pressed on, each of them taking on a prime.

Kaidan had sweat rolling into his eyes as his nodes flared hotly through him. Gritting his teeth, Kaidan pushed back the oncoming pressure of a migraine, knowing that this wasn't the time to be crippled by blinding pain. He was an old hand at doing this, even though in the end, he would pay dearly and be out of commission for a day. He cried out as the prime Mira was fighting hit her kinetic shields hard, sending her flying back and slamming into a barrier wall. Without even thinking, Kaidan focused and snapped a powerful warp to the prime. It was enough for the prime finally to crumple with a squawk and dying of its light. He rushed over to Mira, who struggled to pick herself up, shaking her head to clear it.

"Damn, those things pack a punch." Mira muttered.

"And that wasn't even full strength." Kaidan smiled, helping Mira up from the ground.

"Area is clear." Tali said, as she approached them. "Our target is up ahead."

Mira nodded and threw back her shoulders, marching forward to their target. The yawning chasm of an underground hangar loomed before the squad. Mira took out the target painter and walked alone to the overhang deck that jotted out over the chasm. Kaidan chewed at his lower lip, getting a bad feeling in his gut about this. His hand kept ready on his rifle, eyes searching for more enemies to spring out from nowhere.

"Holy shit!" Mira cursed, which she did rarely. This got Kaidan's and Tali's attention.

"What is it, Shepard?" Kaidan asked.

"We found our signal source. There is a Reaper down there!" Mira pointed the target painter down below and counted down to a signal lock for the Normandy to come and lay down a couple missiles. "Start moving! Once this locks, we won't have much time to get out of here!"

Kaidan held back a little but Mira pierced a hard look at him over her shoulder, silently telling him to move. The beeping of the target painter came faster and became a solid sound. Mira's fingers locked the target and shortly after, the Normandy whined its way through the sky toward their location. Kaidan got his feet to jogging and that was when all hell broke loose on the squad. The ground shook from the Normandy's bombardment, which only served to awaken the Reaper in the hole. Mira cried out as the deck she was on, collapsed and she dropped. Kaidan couldn't reach her because Cerberus troopers flew down from two shuttles, guns blazing on him and Tali. They set about to sabotaging their weapons systems first and Kaidan snapped out biotic throws to the two nearest troopers, before firing quick bursts of fire from his rifle.

The horns of the Reaper blasted through the area, deafening everyone, as it slowly clambered up out of the hole to the surface of the planet. Kaidan caught a glimpse of Mira running along one of the legs and jump to the decking of the base behind him. Running, Kaidan let the sharpened senses from adrenaline and training take over. Legion screamed right in front of the squad with a transport, helping the quarian in. Kaidan leapt in the air and landed inside, turning around to catch Mira as she made the mad leap toward them. The Reaper screamed its protest as its prey fled the scene quickly.

"Legion, is there a gun on this thing?" Mira screamed over the rushing wind.

"There is a turret behind you." Legion guided the transport over rocky outcrops and dodged the now angry red beams coming from the awakening Reaper.

"Kaidan, steady me!" Mira shouted.

Kaidan stood up and carefully clambered around Tali, bracing his legs as Mira positioned herself at the gun turret. He laid his hands on her hips and pushed back on her as the gun fired, wanting to send her backwards. The looming gigantic form of the chasing Reaper made Kaidan gulp in fear. It was quickly catching up with them, sending short bursts of its laser fire, exploding the ground around them. Their turret didn't seem to be making a dent to it but when the center of the Reaper opened up, showing a glowing and angry red oculus, Mira braced herself and targeted the gun turret to fire on that opening. There was a flash and stutter, the light going out in the oculus as the Reaper tripped and crashed into a ravine.

"Legion, take me to that plateau! We need to end this now!"

"What the hell are you thinking?" Kaidan yelled at her as Mira turned around in his arms.

"It is going to take all those ships up there to kill this thing, Kaidan. Someone needs to be the target painter down here."

"Mira…" Kaidan frowned.

"Don't argue with me, we don't have time." Her eyes locked onto his and she slipped from his grasp, grabbing the target gun and hopping out of the transport when Legion slowed it down to where she wanted.

Already, the Reaper was coming back online, the central orb flashing to life again. Tali was on the comms relaying what Mira was planning and to focus their guns onto the Reaper. Gritting his teeth to fight back the fear and anger at Mira's reckless plan, Kaidan turned away as they sped off to safety.

-= || N7 || =-

As she hit the ground running, the target painter in her hands, Mira swallowed nervously as her eyes strayed to the looming Reaper picking itself back up. Its gigantic body moved toward her, knowing that she was there. Oh, yes, the Reapers knew whom she was, ever since the time when the Normandy was chasing after Saren, it knew. She had figured out long ago that the first conversation with a Reaper wasn't with Sovereign, but Harbinger. Harbinger was the voice of the race, the leader, if you wanted to call it that. This fight with the Reapers had become personal since that time. Now, Mira had to run and acquire a lock for the fleet above her, as this was the only way to destroy this Reaper and free Rannoch and the geth from its influence. Kaidan was angry with her, she knew that, but Mira was the only one to take on this confrontation. Since Cerberus rebuilt her with cybernetics, Mira was stronger and faster, and she could run faster than Kaidan or Tali in avoiding any attack the Reaper may spew out. The object was not to fight it but to keep ahead of its destructive beam, keep it focused on her, while she achieved a lock for the big guns to take the thing out.

Pushing the fear aside, Mira pointed the targeter at the Reaper, pressing the trigger and going by the sound alone to know whether it was close to locking. She got about a third of the way on the lock when she saw the oculus flare up. She ran to the other side of the flat ledge on the plateau, skidding to a halt before she hit the rocky cliff sidewall. Swallowing, Mira quickly took in some gulps of air before readying herself to point the target gun. One thing that was on her side, the Reaper's main beam weapon was slow to recharge, thus it gave her time to tighten the lock on it and make another mad dash to avoid the beam. The second time, Mira got up to halfway with the target lock before she ran before the approaching red beam and rolled off to the side. Rock and debris littered over her as the beam met the cliff wall. Her body shook with the last of the adrenaline starting to leave her. Steeling herself, Mira focused on the task at hand, not on the oncoming exhaustion.

Forcing her legs to push her off the ground, Mira pulled the trigger again, hearing the faster ping approaching a high-pitched whine. The whine became a steady locked signal, painting its target with a radio frequency for any gun target system nearby looking for it. When the oculus of the Reaper started its baleful glow, Mira swallowed, her legs refusing to move anymore. She watched it heat up and start its release when the first volley of heavy gunfire from space rained down on the Reaper. The Reaper flinched from the continuous volley, being beaten down, sparking and exploding as systems overloaded in its huge body. Mira could only stand there and watch, not realizing that she had company approaching. When she looked over to either side, Tali, Legion, and Kaidan arrayed around her.

The Reaper finally collapsed to the ground, the oculus flickering and then dying out as it shut down. Taking an unsteady step forward, Mira made her way to the dying Reaper. Kaidan held an arm to stop her but she shrugged it off. The next emotion she felt her, mixed with pity, was fury. Every step closer to the mechanoid made her body shiver with pent up fury. The bright shimmer of dark energy surrounded her body, making her a beacon atop the plateau. This thing was the reason for so many lives lost. This thing was the reason the Council didn't heed her many warnings. This THING was responsible for her death!

With a yell, Mira let loose a powerfully charged warp energy toward the fading light of the Reaper. Not that it would do anything but she needed an outlet to let out the pent up anger and frustration. When Tali, Legion, and Kaidan approached her, they blinked to see Mira blazing with dark energy that quickly died down. Kaidan raised an eyebrow at her as she turned to see them but didn't say a thing. Mira could tell by his stance that he wasn't happy with her. In fact, the hard line of his mouth spoke volumes of his anger. Mira didn't have time to deal with Kaidan's issues and approached Legion. It was time to end the menace on Rannoch and with the geth. The geth could be a potential ally in the fight against the Reapers, Mira reasoned.

With all things settled to a satisfactory end, the quarian flotilla started to land shuttles down on the planet and with the geth's help, got some of the existing structures converted over to be habitable for the quarians. It was going to take a while before the quarians could truly live suit free but the fragile alliance was a start. The Admiralty Board of the flotilla promised Mira their help when the time has come. She was happy with that and left to return to the Normandy. Tali stayed behind to talk with the admiralty, leaving Kaidan and her riding over to the Normandy in tense silence. Mira's hands shook as she held back exhaustion from overuse of the biotics and from the after effects of adrenaline. Kaidan looked tired too and had his head resting back on the bulkhead with his eyes closed. He still hadn't spoken a word to her and that made Mira wonder what was eating at him. Was it jumping out to go head on with a Reaper toe-to-toe? Was it giving Legion permission to give the geth free will? No, that wasn't it. He was seething before that.

Cortez docked the shuttle in its cradle and powered it down. Heading out from the cockpit, he nodded to Mira and Kaidan before exiting. Mira looked over to Kaidan as he made no motion to get up. Her mouth opened and then snapped shut. Sighing, she grabbed her helmet and left the shuttle. It was time to get out of the armor, so she walked down to the armory slash locker room. Her eyes looked off to the side and saw Kaidan exiting the shuttle as she walked through the shuttle bay doors. When she reached her locker, Mira placed her helmet within and went to work at the buckle releases that held the various pieces together on her body, putting each piece into the locker neatly. As she stretched, Mira's body trembled. She flexed her hands and fisted them to stop them from shaking.

The slam of a helmet being thrown into a locker behind her startled Mira. She whipped around only to have her body slammed up against the lockers, Kaidan's hands digging into her shoulders and his face just inches from hers. Mira winced as his fingers tightened painfully.

"Of all the stupid things to do!" He hissed in a deadly low voice, filled with quiet anger. Mira had never seen Kaidan so angry and upset before. "Do you care so little about your life that you are willing to throw it away?"

"Kaidan…" Mira's jaw worked.

"Shut up." He glared at her. "Three times I have seen you nearly lose your life since coming back on board. Twice of those times couldn't be helped…but down there…facing off that Reaper…" He shook his head.

"A target lock was…"

"Shut up!" He raised his voice and shook Mira back against the locker. "I'm telling you this because I care what happens to you and I think I speak for everyone. There was another way to get that target lock but did you even think that if you couldn't run from those beams fast enough, just where the hell we would be now?" Kaidan's voice raised more as he voiced his anger. "The transport was faster and could avoid that much easier than one soldier on the ground! For fuck's sake, Mira! What you did was thoughtless and reckless!"

Mira's cheeks reddened with sudden temper at Kaidan's tone with her. "What I did just saved our asses down there! Who are you to tell me how to do my job? It was the best plan at the time!"

Kaidan's eyes glittered dangerously, "One, I am the XO of this ship and crew, Shepard. My priorities are to look out for the welfare of this ship and her captain. Which, coincidentally, is you! Like it or not, you are NOT indispensible! Every member of the crew looks to you for the next assignment to get allies for this war! I can't do this without you, neither can the crew!" He was yelling in Mira's face, giving hard shakes on each point he spat out.

"I didn't ask to be the damn hero!" Mira cried out, tears slipping out of her eyes. "I just wanted to serve the Alliance, do my twenty and retire! I didn't ask to be the lead on this galactic threat, using whatever wits and diplomacy I have to bring races that don't like each other or us, together! I didn't want this!"

Kaidan just stared at Mira, "Too bad. You have this. You are what you are, Shepard. What have I said about you pushing yourself? We are here to help! Quit taking on the damn galaxy on your slim shoulders! You may not like it, but you are a leader, you are the hero, you are the one that inspires people to follow you, against their generations old nature of hate and intolerance. And you know what? You wouldn't change a damn thing."

"Fuck you, Alenko." Mira spat.

He laughed and smiled at Mira, cupping the side of her face. "That attitude is why you are what you are. You won't quit, you keep on fighting even when things are at their worst. But it is time to stop taking on this fight alone. I don't know how many times I have to beat this into that thick head of yours but we are here for you! So, quit the damn death wish dramatics."

"You really can be a bastard." Mira frowned.

"It seems to be the only thing getting your attention." Kaidan smirked. "My kid gloves aren't working anymore and you know I will always be honest and to the point with you."

"That you have." Mira grumbled.

"I worry about you, Mira." Kaidan softened his voice, his thumb caressing against her cheek. "I worried when you were in the consensus, when you were in the core, and scared to death when you jumped out to face that Reaper. And because of all that and your reckless regard for your own self preservation, it just pissed me off."

Mira relaxed back against the lockers, suddenly weary from everything that happened this day. Kaidan was calmer now, having vented his anger at her, telling her some harsh truths. She leaned into his hand for this small moment of intimacy. "Joker yelled at me too for not taking care of myself better. It seems Hackett assigned him as my watchdog."

Kaidan chuckled. "Good for him. Joker has eyes and ears all over the Normandy, so there was no better choice."

"You agree with this?"

"Hell, yeah."

"Gee, thanks." Mira pouted and tried to pull free from Kaidan's grip but he held her firm.

"Look, Mir, the old man cares for you like a daughter. He is looking out for you and as well he should."

"What about you?" Mira asked.

"Haven't I made that clear?"

"Not really. You actually avoided talking about us in any kind of detail."

Kaidan sighed deeply and leaned in closer, brushing his lips gently across hers. It didn't demand anything, the kiss simply was. It showed Mira Kaidan's affection and love for her in the most perfect and soft way. "We are still working on those details." Kaidan replied.

"_Guys, hate to break up the yelling match but there is a call coming in from Admiral Hackett."_ Joker cut in over the comm. _"He says it's urgent."_

"Of course he does." Mira mumbled.

"Be nice." Kaidan chided Mira gently. "After the call, shall I bring coffee for the debriefing?"

"And a couple of energy tabs."

Kaidan's eyes narrowed, taking note of the barely visible trembling Mira was trying to hide. "It's not a long term solution."

"I know but there is the debriefing and then whatever Hackett has for us, those details will need to be discussed. There is always something that needs to be done."

"I will bring some then."

-= ||N7|| =-

Kaidan arrived at the door to the Loft with two coffee mugs in hand and a pack of energy tablets in his pocket. He was loathe giving them to Mira but knew she would demand them. After confronting her earlier, Kaidan was unsure if things were going to be fine between them. He wasn't sorry for yelling at her, or slamming her to the locker. Whatever it took to knock some sense into her head, Kaidan used it. There was no time to coddle Mira anymore, especially when she needed control and stability. Until that was established, then Kaidan could work on getting them back on track. At least, that is what he keeps telling himself. He hated denying himself touching Mira in a way to reassure that he still loved her. This afternoon's brief kiss and caress was all that he allowed even though when seeing Mira fired up and fighting back, Kaidan wanted to kiss her senseless.

The door opened to let him in and Kaidan blinked to see Mira dressed down in her tank top and a hooded jacket thrown over. The only thing that remained of a uniform was her pants. She was even barefoot as she walked to the L-shaped couch where numerous data pads lay strewn over the coffee table. Touching her arm with one of the cups before she sat down, Kaidan handed the coffee to her.

"So where are we going now?"

"It seems there are some Cerberus scientists that want to defect and called for our help."

"How did they manage that?"

"Someone recommended them to the Normandy."

Kaidan's eyes narrowed. "Who?"

"I don't know. Once the Normandy was impounded, those of the crew that left before the Alliance could detain them went off the grid."

"It's strange that Cerberus scientists want to get out."

"Is it?" Mira took a drink of her coffee. "These are normal people, Kaidan. Not everyone that works in Cerberus are nefarious in nature. Cerberus is an idea, one shared by many that believe humans are better off on their own. Udina believed in that, and there are still a number of active followers of the belief."

"Okay, I guess that can be true. But how many are we talking about here? And where are they to go?"

"Hackett has a safe haven for them to retreat, where they will either join the Catalyst project or go to other projects in the fleet. This would be a good resource for the Catalyst."

"I hope so." Kaidan held his doubts in reserve until they actually rescued these scientists. "I take it you have something brewing in that head of yours?"

Mira grinned and then let out a huge yawn. "Um…yeah. It will take us a few hours to reach them. Joker is plotting a circuitous route to where they are stationed so we avoid Reaper dominated space and Cerberus from tracking us." Another yawn cracked her face.

"Are you up for this meeting, Mir?" Kaidan hid the joy that she was getting sleepy and he didn't need to hand over the energy tablets.

"Um…yeah, just a few yawns. We need to discuss the incoming reports from Rannoch…"

Kaidan leaned back into the couch and motioned for Mira to sit next to him. "Then show me what you got."

She did that, settling next to him and tucking her feet onto the couch. He read over her shoulder, taking in the areas she highlighted, and nodded as Mira confirmed parts of his report. When that one data pad was done, Mira reached for another and lay back on Kaidan. It was the general ship status report and Kaidan skimmed over the information. He was a little distracted with Mira leaning back into him, relaxed and comfortable. A smile played over his mouth as he was enjoying this time. It wasn't the mad sex or lovemaking of the last time they were together, just simple togetherness as friends and people who cared and loved each other. It was satisfying and soothing. A break in the hectic madness of their mission that offered little down time between running from one assignment to the next. Kaidan absently ran his fingers through Mira's soft hair, making assenting noises to points she pointed out in the reports.

Mira didn't break off from the work to comment what Kaidan was doing, only shifting herself deeper into Kiadan's side on the couch. They stayed that way for quite a long time, Kaidan never saying a word, only enjoying being with Mira and no expectations. They were both tired from the mission on Rannoch and slowly, the day was catching up to them. For him, releasing his anger and frustration took more out of Kaidan then he imagined. Kaidan looked down when Mira's weight changed on him and noticed the lax hold of the data pad in her hand. The even breathing told Kaidan she had fallen asleep. Smiling tenderly, he kissed the crown of her head and carefully moved around to pick her up from the couch and carry her to the bed. Mira murmured and instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck.

Kaidan laid her on the bed, fingers caressing fondly at her cheek. A quirk of a smile formed on her lips and then a deep sigh. He turned to leave and let her sleep when he felt her hand grab his wrist.

"Stay." She said drowsily.

"Are you sure?"

"Mmmhmm. Please?" Her eyes opened a little to look up at Kaidan.

"Alright." Kaidan gave her a smile and climbed onto the bed behind Mira, wrapping her in his arms. Mira sighed in contentment and fell asleep again.

The smell of coffee invaded his waking dream. It brought with it a memory from the shore leave at his father's cabin. Mira and him stood at their favorite spot on the porch in the early morning, cups of coffee steaming in the chill morning air. Kaidan smiled in fondness in his sleep. The coffee smell lingered and filled his nose, along with another scent…lavender. Blinking his eyes open, Mira was sitting on the bed next to him with a two mugs of coffee in hand. She smiled at him, looking rested for once.

"Sleep well?" Kaidan asked as he stretched out the length of his body and sat up to accept the coffee.

"Yes, for once." Mira drank from her cup. "I almost thought you wouldn't stay the whole night."

"I considered it but…I fell asleep." Kaidan ducked his head.

"I'm glad you didn't leave. Kaidan…" Mira started and then bent over to place her mug on the nightstand. "About yesterday…"

"You don't have to say anything. I don't regret what I said." Kaidan swallowed the last of his coffee, setting the mug next to Mira's.

"I know you don't. I'm sorry for my own behavior. It is just…"

Kaidan placed a finger on Mira's lips to quiet her. "I understand, really. You are under a lot of stress. We all are. I don't love you any less because you snapped at me."

"You still love me?" Mira asked her eyes vulnerable.

Kaidan quirked a crooked smile at her. "I never stopped, despite my yelling at you or my avoidance. It is all part of loving someone, Mir. We won't get along all the time, we will fight, we will have our differences but that doesn't mean I will stop loving you. You drive me crazy but I don't mind it. You need me, Mir, as I need you."

"I haven't made this easier between us." Mira chuckled.

"Pfft, neither have I but we are still here, aren't we?"

"True."

"We are in this together, through the end." Kaidan leaned in closer to Mira. "Let me be your rock, Mir, if you will allow it."

Mira's hand reached up to cup his face as she smiled tenderly at him. "I will allow it. You are right, I do need you. I'm tired of being alone in this fight."

"You were never alone." Kaidan brushed his lips against Mira's, gently kissing her. She responded by leaning deeper into the kiss and opening her mouth as Kaidan pressed harder. His hands caressed up Mira's arms, to grasp behind her neck, holding her to him. He could so easily get lost in feeling Mira's lips under his, her hot breath mixing with his. Mira always affected Kaidan this way, ever since that first kiss in the briefing room of the original Normandy. When she grabbed his shirt and twisted her hands in it, Kaidan gave a little moan at the possessive gesture. He was pulled deeper into the kiss, Mira's tongue teasing over his lips, as her teeth nibbled and pulled them into her mouth. His hand closed tightly in her hair as fire ignited in him.

He had wanted to rekindle this relationship slowly, rebuilding their friendship first but Kaidan's body and what Mira was doing was wanting otherwise. As the heat built up between them, their nodes synchronized in frequency sending a pleasant buzz through Kaidan's body. Admittedly, Kaidan wanted Mira, to show her how much he loved her. Kaidan pulled Mira with him as he lay back on the bed, feeling her settle over his hips. He moved his hands down her body and grabbed at the uniform shirt, tugging it out of her pants. As he opened his eyes, the blue outline of dark energy surrounded Mira. It wasn't uncontrolled, or else the room would be a mess. No, when two biotics came together, their energies mingled, heightening sensation. For them, they synchronized, bodies and energy melding together. Kaidan found Mira incredibly alluring when she glowed.

As his hands caressed along her skin, Mira's energy pulsed. This made Kaidan close his eyes briefly and groan as felt his nodes respond. He pulled the shirt further up Mira's body to where they reached her breasts.

"Kaidan…" Mira moaned softly against his lips.

"_Commander, we have arrived at our destination. There is a call waiting for you from planetside." _Joker rudely interrupted.

"Dammit!" Kaidan growled, his body quivering with wants being denied as duty called to them. His groin throbbed painfully inside his pants as Kaidan started to reassert control.

"His timing is always impeccably…"

"Horrible." Kaidan finished. "Damn damn damn." He looked up to see the same frustration mirrored in Mira's face. "And this was turning out to be such a good morning." He muttered.

"Stop grousing, Major." Mira chuckled and moved to get up. Kaidan grasped her hips and leaned up to capture Mira's mouth in a deep, hard kiss. Mira smiled at him. "The day isn't over yet."

Kaidan sighed and let Mira go, watching her pull her shirt down and tuck it in, then finger brushing the mussed hair. Well, the time to get to work was here and he needed to get a shower and a fresh change of uniform. Swinging his legs over the bed, he stood up and walked with Mira out of the Loft. They exchanged little smirks as they rode the elevator down. Kaidan saw Mira step off at CIC while he continued down to his ad hoc quarters.

James passed by him as he walked down the corridor past the mess hall. "Hey, Major, good morning!" James gave Kaidan a little smirk.

"Did you get the guns checked out?" Kaidan asked.

"Uh huh, they are all ready. I see though, that maybe your own guns have been checked." Vega laughed quietly.

"If you value your hide, Lieutenant, I would stop that line of thinking…fast." Kaidan's eyes hardened for a moment.

James held up his hands in surrender. "Just saying, Major."

"Make sure all armor and guns are ready to go. We are at our rescue destination and we better be prepared for Cerberus surprises."

"Aye, sir." James switched to business mode and left Kaidan to get the squads gear ready. Kaidan anticipated that Mira would choose him and James to go down. James had the heavy firepower and Kaidan was a veteran of search and rescue. Now, he needed that shower.


	44. Chapter 43 Breakdown

Chapter 43 – Breakdown

Thessia.

One of the last holdouts resisting the Reapers conquest and it was being overrun finally. The Asari councilor had requested their assistance, seeing that they were not invisible to the Reaper's interest. To add to the offer, Mira was made known about a Prothean artifact on Thessia. She kept her temper under control but to hear that the Asari knew about something that could help them with the Crucible and the war, incensed Mira. Liara was even angry and demanded to join Mira and Kaidan on the mission.

Now, they stood there overlooking the expanse of Thessia burning, Reapers firing and walking through the metropolis. They had cleared their way to the temple but a brief moment to watch Thessia's destruction struck the team speechless. Mira gritted her teeth together, trying to keep under control at seeing the senseless destruction. Millions of lives were being slaughtered each day and she could feel their time running short as more systems were overrun.

"Let's find this artifact and get out of here." Mira said.

They walked around the temple and to the tall statue of an ancient Asari goddess. Kaidan couldn't help but comment that the ancient Asari looked eerily similar to Protheans. Liara argued there was no resemblance and continued searching for clues to open the base of the statue where they got energy readings. Going around the display cases that showed artifacts from various archeological digs, they managed to find the key to opening the statue. Instead, the deep thrum of it activating, shattered the marble of the statue and revealed something else that took the squad in surprise.

"It's a beacon!" Mira exclaimed.

"But…that is impossible!" Liara blurted.

"Nothing is impossible and I think the Asari government knew this beacon was here and kept it hidden from the Council." Kaidan said cooly, deducing the facts they had to a logical explanation.

"Indeed." Mira agreed. "Being a repository of such advanced knowledge, it isn't a wonder that the Asari has jumped so far ahead in their evolution."

"Shepard, what you are saying is borderline conspiratorial!" Liara looked hard at Mira.

"Then explain to me, Liara, why hide this beacon?" She met the Asari's look with equal hardness. "It seems that the Asari are bending the Accords to suit their own purpose."

"I…it…" Liara shook her head and looked up at the awakened beacon.

Then it flared for a moment and a ball of energy came out of the base. It looked like the VI that was on Ilos and Mira looked over to Kaidan to see if he came to the same conclusion she had. He nodded to her, agreeing silently with Mira's assessment. Liara wasn't with them on the ground at Ilos, so was fascinated by the construct. The VI scanned them and then paused in front of Mira.

"You are the herald of this age?" It asked.

Mira looked at it in confusion and let instinct speak. "I am."

-= || N7 || =-

"I will take that now." A familiar and deadly voice echoed in the temple, along with a whine of a gunship.

Mira whipped her head and Paladin around to point it at the newcomer. Her other hand started to flicker with biotic energy. The assassin they encountered on the Citadel strode down the length of the temple, stopping halfway with an arrogant smirk on his face.

"Kai Leng." Mira's mouth twisted with suppressed hate.

"Commander Shepard." He riposted. "You have saved me from the work of tearing apart the temple to find the beacon. I commend you."

"You will have to get the VI over my dead body." Mira hissed, as her body started to ripple with barely controlled energy.

"Tsk tsk, Commander…having some control issues, are we? The Ilusive Man somehow knew that this would happen but he took a risk in giving you those first generation L5 implants." Kai Leng walked closer to Mira, Kaidan raising his rifle toward the former N7 operative. He snapped out a hand to Kaidan, throwing him back from Mira, doing the same with Liara who was trying to shadow his side.

"What do you know about me?"

"Plenty, dear, dear Mira." Kai Leng stepped up and leaned closer to her. "I'm the improved version of you."

"You are not me." Mira growled, balling her fist to keep from unleashing the gathering dark energy. It was making the nodes heat up to an unbearable level but Mira kept enough self-restraint not to let loose until she had to.

"Oh, we have a lot in common, Shepard." Kai Leng sneered. "We are both hunters and killers. We both do what needs to be done to get the job done."

"I still work with a code, whereas you don't. Not anymore." Mira hissed.

"I work for humanity's best interests, as does Cerberus." Kai Leng laughed sardonically. "You, however, are an idealist and that is your ultimate weakness. This is a cruel world, Shepard, and sometimes, cruel measures are needed. The Illusive Man understands this."

"And that will be his downfall." Mira said.

"So you say. We shall see, though. Now, enough talk, I'm here to take the VI. Be a good soldier and hand it over or your friends will die, just as you will."

"You won't kill me, Kai Leng." Mira surmised.

"Not today but there will be a day I will have your pretty head." Kai Leng hissed. "If you value your friends, however, hand over the VI…NOW!" The edge of his temper showed then to Mira.

"Fuck you." Mira spat.

He growled and backhanded Mira, making her fall to the trembling floor of the temple. Her ears rang from the blow but she heard Kaidan yell out and saw a bright blue flash launch towards the assassin. With a yell of her own as Mira stood up, she unleashed the searing buildup of dark energy toward the flashing form of Kai Leng. He stumbled backward from her throw, looking up at her in surprise. He turned his focus on her and rushed towards Mira, katana upraised. Mira rolled away from the downward slash and kicked out at the assassin's feet. He jumped away from kick and came forward again, roaring in anger at his prey's tenacity. Kaidan and Liara pummeled Kai Leng with bursts of biotic energy, making the man fumble back.

The ground shook, trembled, and cracked around the group as the vibrations and fire of a Reaper approached their location. Mira was tossed as the floor cracked and fell away near her. She rolled away from the edge and gathered her legs under her again, searching for Kai Leng.

"Mira! Look out!" Kaidan called out a little too late as Mira was slammed from behind, an arm wrapping around her throat.

"Maybe today is the day I will kill you." Kai Leng hissed in her ear and put more pressure on his enhanced arm, closing off her airway to where she had to gasp in short breaths of air. She faintly heard someone speaking to the assassin over a comm unit and felt the pressure release from her throat, making her dizzy from the sudden intake of air.

Kai Leng kicked her in the ribs, sending Mira rolling back to the broken edge of the floor and over it. She started to fall and instinctively reached out for a ledge, halting the fall but jerking her shoulder painfully. Mira blinked away the tears from the flaring pain and moved her body for a more secure hold on the broken piece of the temple floor. She painfully and painstakingly pulled her body up, keeping the goal of the main floor in sight and reuniting with her squad, praying that they hadn't been killed. When she saw the head of the man she loved more than anything, and his arm outstretched to her, Mira cried out in joy and lunged for Kaidan's arm. He grasped her tightly, face in a set grimace of pain and determination while he started to pull Mira up.

When she was back on solid ground, Mira threw her arms around his head, shaking violently at another narrow escape to death and knowing that Kaidan was safe and alive.

"Hey, it's alright." Kaidan whispered in her ear.

"Where's that bastard?" Mira pulled back, her mouth settling into a grim line.

"Gone. He took the VI."

"Damn!" Mira cried out in frustration. "Just when we were one step ahead, those damn bastards always take it away!"

"I know." Kaidan tried to soothe Mira. "We don't have a lot of time. The Reapers are closing in on this location."

"Is there no hope here?"

Kaidan shook his head sadly. Liara stood by the balcony, watching the continuing destruction up to the point Cortez arrived in the shuttle to extract them. Mira tried to stand up and winced at the pain of her shoulder and in her hip. Kaidan slid her arm around his shoulders and helped her stand and walk to the shuttle. Liara lingered a bit longer at the balcony and turned away, tears streaming down her face as she boarded.

-= || N7 || =-

It had been hours since the fall of Thessia. Kaidan looked out at the streaming stars in the Observation Lounge. It was also hours since anyone had seen Mira after she had given her report to Hackett. Liara locked herself away in her quarters, leaving the mood on the Normandy a rather grim one. The Asari homeworld was gone, its resistance broken. The last of the Council homeworlds had fallen and the only hope they had left was Earth. Then another blow that Mira had taken so deeply to heart was the Prothean VI that had the answers they needed about what the Catalyst was in order for the Crucible to work.

The door opened into the darkened lounge but Kaidan knew who entered as the buzz of Mira's biotic signature called out. He turned around and opened his arms, in which she hurried and collapsed into his chest. Kaidan swallowed a rising lump in his throat as he enveloped the trembling woman in his arms. Then he heard something from her that he hadn't heard in many years. Mira was crying.

Kaidan tightened his embrace, sinking his face into her hair, offering his support and comfort to the strongest woman he knew, who was now trembling with grief and anger. Thessia was a breaking point in Mira in this long and hard campaign against the Reapers. Much like Virmire was when this whole mess began when they chased after Saren.

"Let it go, Mir, just let it all go." Kaidan told her softly.

She did, her body shaking violently as the pent up frustrations, pain, and tears that she had denied herself for so many years let loose. They sank to the floor of the lounge, Kaidan holding and rocking the galaxy's best hope against the Reapers. However, to him, she wasn't a savior but a woman who needed comforting, needed a shoulder to let loose all the troubles she held inside. He was more than willing to be there for Mira. Mira's mask was shattered, and the woman she was, was laid bare for all to see.

Kaidan held Mira for over an hour as she cried into his chest. When there was nothing left and Mira was sniffling more than crying, Kaidan continued to hold her until she was ready to speak. When the hiccups began, he knew Mira was ready.

"Why?" her voice whispered roughly.

"I don't know." Kaidan replied.

"I wish I knew, then maybe some sense of why our destruction is set, I could understand."

"Could you really?" Kaidan turned Mira's face up to look at him. "These are machines with a destructive protocol programmed into them. There is an off switch; we just have to find it."

"But if there is no hope…"

"Don't say that!" Kaidan narrowed his eyes at her. "If you lose hope, Mir, then what is left for the rest of us? I won't go into this dark night silently."

"I have given so much of myself, Kai! I don't think I have anything left to give! I've failed on so many levels, who is to say that this isn't our final farewell to the galaxy?"

Kaidan sighed deeply, this was new in Mira, this deep despair. "Mira, answer one simple thing for me."

"Okay."

"What and who do you love?"

Mira's eyes widened at the question and then chewed on her lip as she thought about it for a minute. Kaidan knew that she had the answer but wanted her to talk from her heart and soul.

"I love this ship, the crew on it…even with all the difficult missions; I love my career and the good that has come from what I have done. I love life." She paused a moment. "I love you, most of all, Kaidan Raphael Alenko."

Kaidan smiled, hearing and feeling the truth behind her words. "You have so much to live for, so much to hope for, Mira. You are angry because something has come along, and wants to destroy the life you have come to love. You fight because that is what you do; it is who you are! If we are weak, Mir, you are there to fight with us, to strengthen us. Yeah, what has happened, it's depressing, it's overwhelming. However, none of us has lost the will to fight. I have never lost my faith or my love in you."

"Even when you doubted me?"

His mouth hung open before saying something and then looked hard into Mira's face. "We all have doubts from time to time, Mira. Even you doubted me for a while. It's part of being human."

"But when humanity can do such cruel things…"

"We aren't perfect. As you once told me long ago, the world isn't black and white. There are many shades of grey. Just being with you on this Normandy, meeting the people you worked with while working with Cerberus, I realized, that they are people too. They made a choice because they believed in something. When that belief disappointed or threatened them, those people left. People can change, you showed me that. You are unique, Mira. You see people for who they are, not what they are, or the colors they wear."

Mira sighed heavily, resting her forehead against Kaidan's chest. "I seem to have forgotten who I am along the way."

"You never forgot, Mir, you just got lost." Kaidan held Mira to his chest again.

"Just like Thane's prayer." Mira whispered. "He was not praying for himself for having lost his way, he was praying for me."

"He was a good friend, one you needed desperately at the time. His spirituality and faith helped you in more ways than you know. Just as he helped me before he passed away." Kaidan told Mira.

Mira sighed again. "So, what do I do?"

Kaidan pulled back and cupped Mira's chin, bringing her eyes back up to look at him. "You live. No masks, no keeping yourself apart from people and yourself. You live, love, feel, all those things that make you human.

"These defeats…they wouldn't have affected you so deeply if you didn't feel, Mira. You do, and you care and love so much, it is frightening." Kaidan brushed his thumb across her lips.

"You think you understand me so well, Major?" Mira said.

"I don't think anything, I know." Kaidan couldn't suppress the little hopeful smile that Mira was coming back from her brink as she made the snarky statement about him. "I know the woman I fell in love with and have constantly fallen in love with time and time again." His smile softened.

"You are right, you know. You do know me well." Mira gave a trembling smile. She leaned up, kissed Kaidan softly, and pulled back, allowing him to see her quirky smile. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Reminding me who I am and what I love."

"That is why I am here for you, Mira. Always have been and always will."

She gave him a nod and proceeded to stand up from the floor. Kaidan got up with her and laid a loving hand on her face. Mira's smile was stronger and brighter. "I'm going to go see Liara."

"That would be a good thing to do." Kaidan agreed. He watched her leave, and knew he didn't need to worry about Mira anymore. Some small part would but the worry about the woman cracking on them and giving up, that was gone.

The comm came to life in the lounge with Joker's voice. _"She's going to be all right?"_ He asked Kaidan.

"Yeah, she's going to be fine. Let Hackett know."

"_Done."_ Joker said and clicked off the comm.


	45. Chapter 44

All the Things That I've Done

Chapter 44

They arrived at the Citadel a couple days after Thessia's fall to the Reapers. Mira walked around the Normandy, data pad in hand, checking in on different departments and the status reports in the War Room. The news that streamed in live was not exactly hopeful, with the total of losses surmounting higher and higher every day. There were a few bits of good news interspersed among all the dread and she had to remind herself that those little pockets of hope meant no one has given up the fight. After the talk with Kaidan, she felt better. There were still moments when she froze and thought she was going to panic but Mira shook it off and looked around at the bustling crew of her ship to remind herself that everyone was here to help her fight this war.

She didn't get much sleep after returning from Thessia. If she had to admit to herself, Mira was afraid to close her eyes and be back in that reoccurring nightmare chasing after that little boy, listening to all the voices of those who died under her watch. Every time she thought she caught up with the little boy, flames would erupt between them, engulfing the boy in fire, just as the Reaper beam cut through the escaping shuttle that he was on. Now, after the last couple of missions, Mira granted a brief Shore Leave on the Citadel to the crew. She had to check in with the Council and at the Spectre office, to see what other intelligence came in since the last visit. The one thing she was dreading was meeting with the Asari Councilor.

Liara had surpassed the invitation to go with her to the Council offices, claiming something about newsfeeds on her streams and something important being found or happening. As soon as shore leave was mentioned, James had hightailed it off the ship, along with several other crew. Kaidan was nowhere to be found, Garrus and Tali were taking the break on the Normandy's systems to go over some new specs and tweaks. However, Mira had a sneaky suspicion about the two but couldn't confirm her thoughts.

So, it left Mira to go do this task alone. Sighing, Mira stepped off the elevator to the Council and Spectre offices. The mob of people thronging the reception desks was greater than before, many of them crying or whispering their stories to the volunteers or secretaries staffing the desk. Her eyes found the Asari councilor standing at one of the windows in the lobby. Walking up to the councilor, Mira stood next to her in silence for a moment, looking out at the bustling traffic of cabs flitting through the Presidium.

"We have been so blind and arrogant to think that the Reapers wouldn't touch us." The councilor said softly. "We ignored your warnings, taking it for ego as you were an established hero wanting the spotlight to remain on you." Her eyes looked at Mira sideways.

"Councilor, if you understood the person I am, you would have known that I am not prone to seeking the spotlight. I would rather avoid it and be left alone to do my duty." Mira responded.

"Yes, I know that now. But even when you do your duty, the cost has been too high and weighs heavily on your conscience."

Mira bent her head and sighed quietly. Of course the councilor would see the pain and grief etched in her eyes. "It is true, it does weigh heavy on me. I may have not done the best political thing but I have gone with my instinct to try and preserve as much as I can."

"Sometimes, Commander, you can't preserve or save everyone. You are human, after all."

"I feel I should have done more, been there sooner…or…" Mira babbled out quickly.

The Asari Councilor turned and placed her hands on Mira's shoulders. "Commander Shepard, I'm not blaming you for what happened. If anyone is at fault, it is mine. You are a soldier, and your duty is to serve and protect innocents. You are also Special Forces, and you accomplish the completion of your mission to the best of the situation at hand so that there is no failure. As I said, we all have become too complacent and arrogant over the years, not wanting to believe the warnings from several sources that life was going to come to a fight for survival. The Council thought, with you discovering the truth about the Reapers and them having such an interest in you that they will only be after humanity's destruction. I was wrong. We all were wrong."

"Better late than never to admit that." Mira's mouth twitched a little bitterly.

The Councilor chuckled wryly. "True. What can I do to help you, Commander? The Asari will stand by your side in this war."

"Pray, Councilor." Mira sobered seriously. "I will send you Admiral Hackett's comm frequency and you can talk to him about any help or preparations."

Mira turned to leave when the Asari Councilor called to her. She turned her head to look at the somber face of the woman. "Commander, we are all praying for you to succeed."

This made Mira blink in surprise, to hear the sentiment and faith in the Asari's voice. "Thank you, Councilor." Mira's voice cracked with emotion. Turning away again, Mira headed to the Spectre office.

-= ||N7|| =-

The fingers tapped over the datapad as he sipped at some fresh coffee that came directly from Apollo's Cafe own brewers. Kaidan hoped she got the note and was going to come down and meet him for lunch. After her breakdown, Mira still seemed a bit fragile. Hackett had emailed him with a thank you for the update on Mira. The old man was also deeply concerned about his best officer and protégé. There were many people looking out for Mira, whether she realized it or not.

"Dammit!" Kaidan set his coffee down and tapped the screen, pausing the current simulation he was running on some code he was given. The simulation was going along fine, with systems slowly going through cascading failure, until it got to the core, and then defensive mechanisms adapted and eradicated the 'virus'. Pushing the datapad away in disgust, Kaidan leaned back in the chair and looked out over the pastoral scenery of the Presidium.

"Is this seat taken?"

Kaidan smiled and turned to see Mira standing next to him. She did get his note after all. He nodded and watched the commander and the woman he loved, sit down and pick the menu up from the table. "So, what is good to eat?"

"Most of it but my choice is the cheeseburger. Next to what you can get on Earth, it is a close second on my list of favorite foods."

Mira laughed. "You are such a cannibal at times."

"Ah ah, meat lover, my dear. If I was a cannibal, I would be eating other humans."

"Well, you did have your fair share of one in particular in the past." Her eyes sparkled in mirth at him.

Kaidan felt his neck and cheeks grow warm and his mouth frozen at the veiled innuendo Mira had given. A grin slowly crossed his mouth as he leaned forward and rested his arms on the table. "My, my, such talk, Commander!" Kaidan teased. "You actually made me blush."

"With you, it isn't hard to do, or make you speechless." Mira looked at him with humor.

"Hmmm, well, there is that point but only you have done that consistently with me."

The server came by to their table and asked for their order. He ordered two coffees and his usual burger and fries, while Mira went with a salad and sandwich. It wasn't long before their order arrived and they dug into the food. Kaidan ate his hamburger with relish, enjoying fresh made food after weeks of the stuff made in the galley on the Normandy. However, he also watched Mira eat, as she moved her lettuce around, spear it on her fork, and then eat. It was a light meal even for her and this almost made Kaidan frown. Biotics were notorious about their appetites, as they needed to consume more than the average person did in order to maintain the constant control and wielding of dark energy.

Taking a drink of his coffee, Kaidan spoke, "You know, I heard from dad."

Mira perked up at that, a warm smile suffusing her careworn face. "That is wonderful! How is he?"

"Doing well, considering the mess back home. He managed to get his wife to relative safety away from Vancouver, and then unretired himself to help the resistance against the Reapers."

"He isn't on the front lines is he?" Mira showed worry.

"Nah, besides being the ace mechanic he is, he actually helps with resettling refugees. It seems, dad says, the Reapers are only concentrating their attacks on the major metropolitan areas, thinking nothing of the fact that there are still people living out in the rural areas."

"That is something, at least." Her smile broadened to see the small spark of hope in the fight for existence.

"Yeah," Kaidan sighed. "It helps to know that not everything is lost." He paused a moment, gathering his thoughts. "Mir, I'm really glad to be here, you know that. Beyond thrilled that you took up on my lunch date. Hearing from dad and how things are going back home, it…made me realize that our time is precious."

"I know." Mira said quietly.

"It got me to thinking about us. We have known each other for what…ten years?"

"Give or take." Mira quirked a small smile.

"The time where I thought 'Here it is, this is finally _our_ time' only to have it snatched away suddenly. I've mourned for you, and then celebrated the day you came back into my life." Kaidan swallowed, turning his face away for a moment to keep his emotions from overtaking him. Mira had commented at one time about his needing to be in control at all times. However, when he was with her, Kaidan could be himself. He felt Mira's hand on his cheek, pulling his face gently to look back at her. Reaching up to grasp that hand, Kaidan laid a kiss into it. His eyes met those incredible blue eyes that had caught him since first meeting her back at the Academy.

"Kaidan, I want there to be an 'us'. We won't get back that lost time but…"

Kaidan placed a finger on Mira's lips, quieting her. "I want us so bad, it hurts, Mir. I don't want to have this gulf between us anymore. I don't care about regs except when we are on a mission. We have proven we can keep our personal lives apart from duty."

"So, what are you saying, Kai?" Mira's breath hitched.

He leaned in closer and looked deeply into Mira's eyes. "Is your afternoon free?"

Her mouth twitched. "It is. The crew is away to all parts of the Citadel."

"Joker?" Kaidan lifted an eyebrow.

"He is actually off the ship!" Mira chuckled. "Since Edi acquired that AI body, she has been dragging Joker everywhere to experience the freedom of being away from the Normandy."

"They make an adorable couple." Kaidan laughed. Without another word, Kaidan curled his fingers around Mira's, stood up from the table, and pulled her up to him. They walked away from the café and toward the elevators that led to the different levels of the Presidium, including the docks where the Normandy was berthed.

-= ||N7|| =-

As she laid there, her body wrapped around his, Mira sighed in contentment. A portion of the built up stress had flowed away when they arrived at her cabin, uniform askance and mouths dancing over each other with need and want. To feel Kaidan's skin under her fingers, made Mira smile in delight and took advantage of that by exploring this sexy man all over again. Here he was, in her bed, at her side again, sheets barely covering either one of them, sleeping peacefully. It was a light doze, for she would know if Kaidan was sleeping heavily by the timbre of his breathing.

This time was different. Their lovemaking was exploring and comforting, so tenderly loving that it brought her to tears. Kaidan kissed away those tears, assuring Mira he wasn't leaving. When the height of passion was reached, it was crested together, leaving them shuddering with an emotional buzz that couldn't be described in words. It was like coming home, Mira had thought.

Home.

It was important.

One simple word evoked so many feelings and reactions. It was a place of family and friends. It was somewhere you belonged and were secure. Home wasn't some physical thing set up in a house on the lake or bay. It was with you always, with the people you loved, no matter where you are in the galaxy.

Home.

Mira smiled slowly, knowing that she was home. Home with Kaidan. Home on the Normandy. Home was with the crew she cared for. The friends that have been with her since the beginning of this epic adventure had become family to her. The new friends have also joined Mira's growing adoptive family. The Major, her father, was right.

Home was where the heart was. Mira's heart and lifeblood was here, with Kaidan, with the crew, on the Normandy. Even if she didn't survive this war, Mira knew now, she was where she belonged. Lifting her head and propping it on her hand, she looked down on Kaidan. As if sensing he was being watched, his whiskey-eyes cracked open. The man's full lips quirked into a half smile at seeing her face.

"I really can be thick headed, can't I?" Mira asked.

"Yes, but I love that about you. Along with your stubbornness, bullheadedness, cheekiness…"

Mira chuckled, "Alright, enough with the adjectives! I was thinking…"

"Uh oh." Kaidan teased and earned a playful poke in the ribs from Mira.

"We can safely assume that you will not be staying in the Observation Lounge."

"Really?" Kaidan grinned slyly at Mira.

"Unless you want to remain there with the cozy lounge chairs."

"I didn't say that. Are you asking me to move into the Loft, Shepard?"

"I'm asking," Mira leaned down closer to Kiadan's mouth, "for you to come home." The last she breathed out softly.

Kaidan grinned and reached up to pull Mira down to a deep kiss, "Gladly." He murmured against her lips.

-= ||N7|| =-

It was late in the night cycle on the Normandy when Kaidan quietly slipped out bed. Mira was finally asleep muttering a little when he left her side. His feet padded across the loft to the upper level and the shower, enjoying the afterglow of coming together with Mira. This time was so different from the other times. It was like coming full circle but now, both of them were older and wiser, and more assured of who they are. Turning the water on, Kaidan stepped under the pounding water, letting it run over his head and shoulders, enjoying the one amenity of a commanding officer…a private shower. Kaidan felt in his bones that the end was approaching soon and he wanted as much time as possible to be with Mira. He wouldn't say it was a desperate need to feel her but wanting to not lose any more time with the formidable woman. These last few months has taken a lot out of her to the point it came crashing down over her shoulders. However, despite the eventual crash, Mira picked herself back and trudged back on. It was testament to the steel inner core in her. Kaidan never met the Major, her father, but he had met Hannah Shepard. Hannah Shepard was a force to be reckoned with, whether as a captain or a newly starred admiral. He saw where Mira got a lot of her stubborn pride. Now, he could only imagine how the Major was, as Hannah Shepard had mentioned to him that Mira took a lot after her father.

Between those two Shepard's, Kaidan wasn't surprised that Mira took failure so hard, and that the woman shouldered so much without complaint. When Hackett approached Kaidan after his release from Heurta about a position with his staff, Kaidan had hesitated. Hackett understood what was in Kaidan's heart and knew that the Major would be going with Mira, if given the chance. So, he made a counter offer to Kaidan.

"_You two already broke regulations by being together under the same command. I overlooked that and blocked Antella's attempts to bring you in for charges of fraternization. Now, during this war, we can't be beholden to such trivialities when there are bigger things to worry about."_

"_Thank you, sir. So," Kaidan paused. "What are you saying?"_

"_Look out for Shepard, Kaidan. Be there for her. There is so much riding on her shoulders that sometime, she is going to crack from the pressure. Mira has never experienced major failure in her missions. The Alpha Relay was the first chink in her exemplary record. It won't be the last. Don't coddle her, just…be there, be honest, and if need be, be a hardass prick."_

_Kaidan chuckled at that but nodded. He knew what Hackett was asking of him. "I can do that."_

_Hackett nodded, the corner of his mouth quirking up. "Good. Let me know when she falls, Kaidan. You and Joker are the two I trust most to be there to knock sense back into her and get her to feeling again. While Cerberus did good with giving her the resources she needed to fight back against the Collectors, they did Mira no favors in getting her to open up or feel human."_

"_She made new friends, though, got them working together to take down the Collectors."_

"_Yes, but that is because she is one to inspire others to greatness. However, from reports from Joker during those months with Cerberus, Mira never got really close to many of them. Only exceptions have been with the assassin, Garrus, Tali, and Joker."_

"_Yeah, Thane and I had talked about her during his time spent on the Normandy. I think he help provided some needed spiritual grounding."_

"_Indeed. The others, well, she was familiar with them and trusted them."_

"_People always go with familiarity when in a den of wolves." Kaidan quipped._

_Hackett looked at Kaidan with an unreadable look and then nodded. "You have come a long way, Kaidan. I remember that angry young man that stood before me on a couple of occasions."_

"_Well, I have had a lot of time to contemplate many things after Mars."_

"_Not to mention the confrontation with Mira and Udina."_

"_Yeah. If I didn't believe her, would she have shot me?"_

_Hackett stayed silent a moment before replying. "That is best asked of her. In my opinion, no."_

The admiral was right on that. Mira wouldn't have shot him, even though she told him she would have if he had tried to stop her from saving the Council. Soldier or no, when you loved someone, you would go to any lengths to protect them. Admittedly, Kaidan would go to any lengths for Mira. After all, he turned down an admiral's offer of a prominent position in the fleet. As Kaidan thought on it, however, he knew his place was here on the Normandy and at Mira's side.

A smile crossed his face as he felt hands slide over his wet skin and a slim body pressed against his back. "You are hogging up all the hot water, Kai." Mira quipped.

He turned around in her embrace and brought her face up to his, "Then I think you better get it while it is hot, hmmm?"


	46. Chapter 45 In For Repairs and Shoreleave

**All the Things That I've Done**

**Ch. 45 – In for Repairs and Shore Leave**

She looked at the flashing symbols on the galaxy map, seeing new systems that were overrun by Reapers. More and more of the map was becoming red as systems fell and the Alliance and Council ships retreated to established rendezvous areas. Reports still kept coming in while the Normandy was docked at the Citadel. Mira was ready to plan the next mission, when Traynor piped up.

"Commander, a new message is coming in. It is from Admiral Hackett."

"Thank you, Traynor." Mira said as she stepped off the command platform to go to her console. Pulling up the new message from Hackett, Mira read it once quickly and then reread the email. "Shore leave? Mandatory?"

"Did I hear shore leave?" Traynor asked.

"Hackett is ordering us to shore leave. It seems the order for Normandy to have needed repairs has already been put in and will take effect tomorrow."

Samantha smiled and looked over to Mira. "It's not a bad idea, actually. The crew deserves a break."

Mira read the end of the email and her eyes opened wider. "An apartment on the Citadel?"

"What's this about an apartment?" Kaidan came onto CIC from the elevator, walking up to Mira and looking over her shoulder, setting his own data pad down on the console.

"It seems, Major, we are ordered to stand down for shore leave and that Anderson has left me his apartment." Mira's lips twitched as she side-glanced at Kaidan.

"Shore leave sounds great." He gave her his half-grin. "Much needed, too."

"Is this you saying this or the XO?" Mira asked.

"Both. Tempers are fraying a little because we have been going nearly non-stop here the past few weeks. The Reapers advance has been slowing down and we are lucky to have a little break to just breathe."

"Granted, it has been hectic around here." Mira nodded.

"I'll send the notice out while you go check out Anderson's apartment. Then maybe later…" Kaidan leaned in closer to her ear. "we can have a personal home warming."

"Major Alenko, are you flirting with your commander?" Mira chuckled low.

Kaidan looked to Samantha, who pointedly made herself look busy at some task on her console. "I wouldn't dare cross that line….ma'am. You know, rules against fraternizing and such."

"Uh huh." Mira responded. Kaidan grinned and gave her a wink. "Alright, send the notice out. The Normandy is officially on shore leave."

"Did I hear right, Commander?" Joker's voice traveled down the catwalk from the cockpit toward CIC.

"You heard right, Joker. That means, you are to leave the ship, mister, and enjoy yourself. Preferably, do not find any trouble in any bar. I might not come save your ass from the brig."

"Oh, I think those bar brawl days are done with!" Joker grinned, giving a knowing nod to Kaidan. "How long is this shore leave?"

"The Normandy will be going under repairs and maintenance, so I'm guessing a week or two at the most."

"I already have the schedule of repairs sent by an engineering team." Samantha broke in. "They have a rather thorough list here of what is going to be done."

"Good, then maybe they can take care of some of the hanging panels, power cables, and such, so we don't look like some unfinished project anymore." Mira chuckled.

"I don't know, I was liking that 'unfinished, grunge' look." Kaidan quipped. "I gotten used to stepping over cables and ducking my head that I don't even need to see them as I walk the Normandy."

"Well, I would like finished walls in my cabin!" Mira laughed. "Now, Major, make sure that _all_ of the crew gets off the ship. We don't need anyone getting underfoot of the tech teams."

"Aye-aye, ma'am." Kaidan smirked and headed back to the elevator.

"You two." Joker shook his head.

Mira turned to the pilot. "What?"

"I can picture that we won't see either of you out of that apartment that much." Joker grinned slowly.

"As long as it can be away from prying eyes and ears, I don't care." Mira quipped.

"Hey, what is that supposed to mean?"

"It means, Lieutenant, that the Commander doesn't want anyone eavesdropping on any…personal time with the Major." Samantha spoke up.

"Or interrupting unexpectedly."

"Now, those were legitimate calls!" Joker huffed. "So, don't say 'Let me know when something comes up' or 'Call me when the admiral calls' if you don't mean it!"

Mira chuckled. "Your timing could be improved."

"There is nothing wrong with my timing." Joker gave Mira a saucy grin and headed to the elevator.

"Uh huh, sure."

"My timing is always impeccable. You tell those admirals to plan their calls better." Joker winked at Mira as the door closed.

"Was he always like this?" Samantha asked.

"Ever since the day I boarded the first Normandy." Mira laughed.

-= ||N7|| =-

Kaidan walked around the Loft, gathering a few changes of clothing for both he and Mira, thinking ahead to what he was going to do with her on shore leave. The needed break would do much to restore Mira's energy and fight back in her. It would help them to deepen the reconnection for each other, too. After the lunch at Apollo's and the aftermath, Kaidan was more at peace with himself and Mira than he had felt in a long time. Despite the rough times and doubts, they came out stronger for it.

They did one quick emergency assignment for Hackett and brought back another group of Cerberus defector's. Still, word of where the Illusive Man was and how to get to him, was eluding the crew of the Normandy. Mira hadn't heard from Miranda in a long while, either, and he could tell it was making her fret. Though, news about the kids from Grissom had cheered her, when she heard the reports of their successes on the front line and on the Crucible. The Crucible was almost complete and now, they were waiting for the right time to use it, and find the missing piece.

"Alright, Kai, stop thinking shop. This is shore leave, it is time to put aside work for a time and focus on more relaxing things." Kaidan talked to himself as he stuffed another pair of pants and shirt into a duffel.

"_Major, there is an emergency call from Joker."_ Samantha's voice chimed over the intercom.

"Put it through. Joker? What is going on?" Kaidan asked the pilot.

"_Hell if I know! I got an email from Shepard to meet her at some fancy sushi place and then the next thing I know, all hell breaks loose! She's on the run, Alenko!"_ Joker gasped out.

Kaidan dropped the shirt in his hand and went immediately to the armor closet, already shrugging into his armored vest and wrist guards. "What happened, Joker?" Kaidan bit out, trying not to let worry and panic tinge his voice.

"_As I said, I met Shepard at this sushi restaurant, when next thing you know, after a drink, some mercs come in shooting the place up. This cute Alliance officer came rushing before the gunfire, blabbing something about someone breaking into Shep's bank accounts and service record. They were specifically gunning for Shep!"_

"Did you recognize the mercs? Were they Cerberus? Blue Suns?" Kaidan rushed out of the loft, switching Joker to his ear commpiece. He banged on the panel in the elevator to take him to the shuttle bay and the armory there.

"_Blue Suns are with us now! But, nah, these are new guys, haven't seen them before."_

"Where are you?"

"_Lower Wards, trying to find a cab to get the team."_

"Any word from Mira?" Kaidan asked Joker.

"Hold on…" The line went silent for a moment_. "Comm chatter on a secure channel. It's Shepard and that Alliance officer."_

"Traynor, patch me through to that channel!" Kaidan barked out as he reached for his heavy pistol and rifle.

"_On it, Major!"_

Already the tech teams were loading up the Normandy with their equipment through the shuttle bay, making the once open space, cluttered with various crates and tool carts. They haven't been on shore leave for two hours before trouble found Mira. Kaidan turned his attention to the chatter of Mira and this officer, as the officer was trying to guide Mira to some place for an escape. He could hear gunfire and the deep thrum of her using biotics in the background.

"You just can't stay out of trouble for more than an hour, can you?" Kaidan cut in, his stride became wide and fast as he made his way to an aircar to go to the Lower Wards.

"_You know me, I can't help that I am popular with every merc band around that wants a signature from me." _Mira quipped back.

"_Hey, who's this? You shouldn't be on this channel!"_ a frantic young woman interrupted.

"I'm with the Normandy, so relax. I'm on my way to you, Shepard."

"_Thanks, I could use the help. These mercs are tough."_ Mira panted as Kaidan heard another unleashing of dark energy.

"_The Commander is close to an aircar dealership."_

"I know the one." Kaidan nodded. "Shepard, are you hurt?"

"_Nothing serious."_ Mira gave a small moan. _"I'm muddling through."_

"Uh huh." Kaidan said, not believing her bravado for a second. Finding an empty aircar, Kaidan hopped in, sped off through the traffic of Zakera Ward, and drove down to the Lower Wards. His time spent on the Citadel working for Anderson had him get to know Zakera Ward pretty well. There was one aircar dealer run by a Volus that was down there and close to where the sushi restaurant was. His hands flew over the controls, speeding around the slower traffic until he was close to the landing pad at the dealer. Slowing the aircar down and setting the auto return, Kaidan opened the canopy and hopped out. Immediately, gunfire met him as he rolled to cover, his body lighting up with dark energy. "I'm here, Shepard, but be careful, there is a welcoming party."

"_Damn drones!"_ Mira cursed _"Making it as fast as I can!"_

Poking his head from cover, he saw a pair of mercenaries start circling around, rifles drawn, hoping to flank him. "Oh, hell no." Kaidan muttered and pulled on the energy flowing through his nodes. Standing up, setting his barrier in place, Kaidan gathered dark energy in his hands and started to pull the mercs closer to him. They struggled against the dark energy pull but he was stronger. With a grunt, Kaidan pulled until they lost their footing and slammed them against a wall. As they slumped down, that was when Mira walked through the door, wet, bedraggled, and looking pissed off. Kaidan's mouth quirked up at the corner as he released the dark energy and walked up to her.

His eyes traveled up and down Mira, taking in the sodden clothing. She was wearing her hoodie and a tshirt, along with black BDU cargo pants. Her hair clung to her head in wet waves. The overall look amused and aroused him. His mouth spread further into an appreciative smile. "Nice clothes, Shepard."

"Shut up." Mira grumbled.

"I'm just saying…"

"I don't want to talk about it. Now, let's see about getting the doors unlocked so we can leave." She stalked over to the closed office door, seeing the Volus huddling inside the darkened room. Kaidan stopped her before she forced a way into the office.

"Let me." He walked up to the window and tapped on the glass. "Council Spectre Alenko here, can you please open the landing pad doors.

There was silence for a moment and then the doors unlatched with a grind. "Please leave." The Volus told Kaidan. Kaidan gave a glance at Mira, seeing her holding her side and trying vainly to keep the pain from showing on her face. He reached into one of his pouches and pulled out a tube of medigel. Uncapping one end, he stepped up to Mira and jabbed the injector into her arm.

"Thanks." Mira smiled wanly.

The two Spectres walked out of the showroom and to the landing pad, only to see a rushing shuttle drop out of traffic and open its hatch to reveal another squad of mercs. Both biotics readied their amps, their bodies outlined in blue energy, waiting to unleash carnage on the incoming threat. They didn't get a chance as a roar came down and the shuttle crashed to the pad. The large figure of a charging Krogan slammed his way into the open shuttle, head butting or slamming bodies around the interior. Wrex threw one of the mercs out the other side of the shuttle and turned around to see if there was any more of the enemy to beat. One of the fallen mercs tried vainly to rise up only to meet the Krogan Warmaster's boot in his faceplate.

"I couldn't let you have all the fun!" Wrex grinned and hopped out of the shuttle.

"What are you doing here?" Mira asked, grateful her old friend joined the party.

"I was on the Citadel for some ambassadorial work when I heard the call come in over comms about a certain someone shooting up the Wards. Now, who would that be?" He pinned his red eyes on Mira and then to Kaidan. Kaidan grinned and rubbed at the back of his neck.

"_You got incoming, Commander! If you can hold your position for a while longer, a shuttle will be there shortly to pick you up!"_ The young Lieutenant spoke over the secure comm line.

"Got it." After that statement, Mira turned her head just as the sound of breaking glass crashed down into the main showroom.

Kaidan brought up his rifle and fired off a few rounds at the closest enemy soldier. It got his attention and returned fire toward the biotic. Grunting, Kaidan dashed for the nearest cover, rolling, and squatting down on his feet. He watched Mira unleash a fury of dark energy at a cluster, her face showing savage pleasure of unleashing her full potential. Kaidan had to admit that as her power had grown with the new implants, he was in awe of her control at unleashing such raw power. After the defeat on Thessia, this tough battle for her life was therapeutic. A bullet whizzed close by his head, bringing his thoughts back to the task at hand. Wrex roared and charged at two of the mercs in his path, headbutting one and slamming the butt of his shotgun into the other. Spotting a quickly running pair trying to outflank Mira, Kaidan's biotics flared to life as he reached out with his hand and pulled the pair toward him. They struggled against the force of his power but that only made him pull harder. As Kaidan pulled, he set a Reave on them to further weaken the enemy's defenses, bolstering his own shields. Mira turned to see the men in Kaidan's grasp and loosed a warp toward them, sending them flinging off the sky deck and down into the lower parts of the ward.

"Has anyone told you to stop playing with your food?" Mira quipped, giving Kaidan a lopsided grin.

"Aw, mom, you take the fun out of everything." He chuckled.

"_Hey, there is still some left coming up on the pad. I can't land this thing until you get the landing pad clear!"_ Joker's voice sparked over the comms.

"Come on, boys, let's take out the rest of the trash." Mira started toward the landing pad, heavy pistol up and body pulsating with dark energy.

When the trio of soldiers arrived to the landing pad, the mercs immediately fired. Kaidan and Mira synced up their attack, sending out a devastating effect that either crushed or sent bodies flying away. Wrex grunted after the brief fight was done. A shuttle came down and opened for the team. Mira hopped in and greeted Joker. Steve Cortez called out from the cockpit, welcoming everyone aboard.

"Where to?" He asked.

Mira looked to Kaidan and he looked back. "To the Normandy. I know the repair crews will be in the way, but let's drop off the shuttle and get a few things." Kaidan told Cortez. "Somehow, I don't think this fight is over with."

"What a way to start shore leave." Mira grumbled.

Joker reached for a towel in one of the bench seats and threw it to Mira. "I can say that sushi restaurant will think twice about using a fish tank for flooring."

"Yeah. Let Brooks know what is going on and have her meet me at the apartment. We need to have a pow wow."

"Aye aye, ma'am." Joker said and limped his way to the cockpit. Wrex filled one corner of the shuttle as Kaidan and Mira took the other.

"Are you okay?" Kaidan asked in a low concerned voice.

"I'm pissed. And wet. Other than that, I'm fine." Mira smiled at Kaidan. "Who would want my personal information? And then want me dead? That is the intention, those mercs are shooting to kill."

"And that is new from the other times mercs were shooting at you?" Kaidan raised an eyebrow at her.

"That was because I started the fight first. No, this time, they are deliberately targeting me, Kai." She started to chew at the bottom lip in worry.

Kaidan pushed out the lip from between Mira's teeth and leaned in closer. "They won't get to you as long as I am here."

"Damn! Why now?" Mira hissed in frustration. "Don't they know there is a war going on?"

"Hey," Kaidan tilted Mira's chin up to catch her attention. "We will get to the bottom of this and quickly. If what that Lieutenant says is true, there will be some sort of trace to who is doing this."

She sighed heavily, "You are right." Then looking down at the heavy pistol in her hand that she grabbed off one of the mercs, she frowned. "Maybe this will give us a clue to who those mercs are. This pistol is military issue but heavily modified."

Kaidan took the pistol from Mira's hand and looked over it. It was heavily modified. It was heavier than a regular heavy pistol but balanced right. From watching Mira fire it, it packed quite a punch when taking down those mercs. Reading the ammo level, it didn't hold much in a clip but that never bothered Mira. The pistol was only a secondary weapon when her amp needed to cool down between uses of biotic energy. It looked to be based on an Eagle design but even the body of the pistol was modified to accommodate a new compensator and mass effect field generator. Garrett had shown him some of the most common modifications to pistols during the Academy but this went beyond common customization.

"It looks like it is an Eagle but see here, they changed the clip chassis to accommodate the different clips to suit the changes in the mass effect field generator. I would hazard a guess that the new generator is what makes this thing pack a hell of a punch." Kaidan surmised.

"It is an expensive customization." Mira pursed her lips. "Only soldiers know the guts of a pistol so intimately to go and make these kinds of changes."

"Agreed."

The change in the shuttles engines notified Mira they were approaching their location at the docks. Sighing, she looked up into Kaidan's worried gaze. "I'm fine, really."

"I know but I'm telling you now, I'm not leaving your side until this situation is resolved."

"Kaidan, you don't have to do this…"

"I'm concerned as your XO, Mira, along with my personal reasons."

"I would listen to the Major, Commander." Joker hobbled up to them, a serious look on his face. "While you two lovebirds have your own thing, he is speaking as the second in command of our merry crew. That is his job to look out for your welfare."

"Alright! With the two of you ganging up on me…"

"Don't forget me, Shepard." Wrex rumbled from his corner.

Mira laughed and threw her hands up. Kaidan grinned and nudged Joker. It was their turn to save her from something, and they were not going to let Mira forget it. The shuttle landed in the Normandy and the group disembarked. Wrex told them he would stand guard in the shuttle bay, looking for anything suspicious. Kaidan shook his head but followed Mira into the elevator.

-= ||N7|| =-

As they reached the Loft, Mira shucked out of her damp uniform and strode down to the lower level and the drawers there that kept her spare uniforms. From the corner of her eye, she saw Kaidan pacing around the room, waiting on her. They didn't say anything else when they came up here, not that there was anything to be said. If their suspicions about the heavy pistol she picked up were true, then they will have a fight on their hands, as former military would know their tactics and firepower. Just how could anyone in the Alliance leave and then go mercenary against one of their own? Unless their leave taking wasn't exactly honorable and Mira shuddered at that thought.

Having the shore leave forced on her by Hackett, Mira was actually looking forward to a little downtime after she saw Anderson's apartment. To say she was awed by his generosity was an understatement. Mira reached into the nightstand and pulled out her Paladin pistol, which was her purchase from the Spectre Requisitions store. It was heavier than its Eagle counterpart was and packed a heavier punch. It saved her hide many times when her amps were searing from overuse. The pistol was quite effective against Cerberus troops and she didn't regret the expensive purchase.

"Here I thought we were going to have a nice quiet start to shoreleave." Mira grumbled.

"Yeah, it seems that your fans can't leave you alone." Kaidan chuckled.

"Heh." Mira looked to Kaidan and quirked a smile. "Come on, let's get back to the apartment.

"I can't wait to see Anderson's apartment." Kaidan grinned.

"It is impressive. Plenty of room, lots of bedrooms…"

"Oh, really?" Kaidan smirked and stepped up to Mira.

"Oh, and a hot tub in the master bedroom." Mira's smile grew.

"When this mess is done with, we will have to have our own personal housewarming." Kaidan leaned down and nibbled at the edge of Mira's ear. "Did I mention you looked sexy when wet?"

Mira laughed and pushed Kaidan away. "Keep your mind on the task at hand, Major! We have some mercs to find and take care of."

Kaidan gave Mira a quick kiss and chuckled. "Aye aye, ma'am."

They left the Loft and headed back to the apartment on the Citadel, where the rest of the of the officers of the Normandy were waiting, and a few old friends.

-= ||N7|| =-

After the meeting with most of the senior crew of the Normandy, new and old, discussed the attack on Mira, Mira stood there at the front door and gave a large sigh. There was a party to get ready for and she had to admit this was something a little out of her league. This was Beckenstein all over again but with a more legitimate high society crowd. There was a few hours to get ready, so Mira turned around and saw Kaidan leaning against the bar dividing the kitchen from the main living area, with a beer in hand.

"You know, I don't think I've seen you in a dress before."

"This will be the only time you will." Mira walked up, grabbed Kaidan's beer and took a drink before handing it back.

"Oh, I don't think so." His eyes twinkled. He downed the rest of the drink, set it on the counter and threaded his hand through Mira's. "Come on, we have some time to enjoy that large shower upstairs before we play dress up."

"You are certainly taking advantage of every opportunity to have your way with me, Major." Mira chuckled.

"I come to enjoy living in these moments that are afforded to us. I've wasted too much time already, I'm not going to do that anymore."

Mira smiled and followed Kaidan up the stairs to the master bedroom. They took time to undress, giving light kisses and caresses as the articles of clothing were slipped off and dropped either to the bed or floor. Mira pulled Kaidan to the shower, turning on the water to the exact hot temperature they both loved. The water ran over them, Mira caressing her hands over Kaidan's chest and shoulders to spread the heat around. Kaidan smiled softly as he let his hands run down Mira's back, fingers kneading at certain points, making her groan. He leaned down to softly kiss at her temple and reach for some soap. It was old fashioned bar soap and when he wet it, Kaidan started to run it slowly over Mira's skin.

It was a sensuous feeling and Mira closed her eyes, relaxing her muscles under the hot water and Kaidan's hands. After the run and gun afternoon, this did more to unwind her than anything. Periodically, Mira felt Kaidan's lips on her neck or shoulder, taking care of Mira's needs and showing his loving care for her. His hands had her turn her body around to where her back was to him and then moaned softly as Kaidan slid the soap over her breasts and down across her stomach. It made Mira shiver in pleasure and knew Kaidan wasn't unaffected as his manhood pulsed at the small of her back. Replacing the soap back on the ledge, Kaidan continued to caress her wet, soapy skin, fingers kneading along hips, the small of the back, and up Mira's torso, purposely teasing the edges of her breasts. It was erotic and it made her weak in the knees at the extraordinary care Kaidan was taking. Guiding them fully under the raining water, Kaidan let his hands roam down, helping the water rinse the soap off Mira's body.

"Kaidan..." Mira moaned softly.

"Shhh...just enjoy yourself."

"But..."

His lips kissed her shoulder sensually before he reached for shampoo and squeezed out a helping in the palm of his hand. Next thing Mira knew, his agile fingers was lathering her hair and scalp. With her hair longer now, Kaidan gently ran the shampoo down the length and kneading it into Mira's scalp. He tilted her head under the full stream of water to wash away the suds. Only if Kaidan knew just what a sensuous feeling this was, having the man she loved pamper her in the shower. Other times, it always led to them having sex, usually long past the hot water ran out. This time, despite Kaidan's arousal, he took time to bathe Mira.

Mira turned in his arms after the last of the soap was washed out of her hair and looked into Kaidan's warm brown eyes. He smiled lovingly at her and leaned down to kiss her lips. "When you get out, go to the closet. There is something special for you." He murmured against her lips.

"Here I thought a little playtime would be done." Mira pouted.

Kaidan tapped her nose and laughed. "There will be time for that later. Call it anticipation, Shepard."

"You are a cruel man, Major."

"Go get ready. I think you won't be disappointed." His eyes twinkled with excitement at to whatever was waiting for her in the closet.

Giving Kaidan a quick kiss, Mira stepped out from the glassed in shower and grabbed a large towel to wrap her dripping wet body with. Her feet padded across the carpeted floor to the closet and opened the doors. Hanging up on a dressing hook at the end, was a silky dress.


End file.
